Feeling useful and finding friendships is critically important as we age, and today we're diving right into that! We’re chatting about how maintaining a sense of meaning and connecting with others can seriously boost our health and happiness. I’m excited to share two interactive training programs that I’ve been working on, designed to help folks discover what they have to offer and how to build those meaningful connections. We’re not just sitting around listening; we’re getting hands-on and having fun digging into these topics together. So, if you’re looking to feel more connected and useful in this chapter of life, stick around because we’ve got a lot to explore!

Takeaways:

1. Feeling useful and connected is critically important for our health and happiness as we age.
2. Finding meaning and social connections directly impact our physical and mental health.
3. Engaging in community and sharing experiences can significantly enhance life satisfaction.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. Boomer Banter website
2. Women Entrepreneurs Over 50: Making More, Working Less, Doing What you Love

Welcome to Boomer Banter, where we have real talk about aging. Well, my name is Wendy Green and I am your host.

And every week we talk about the challenges, the changes, and the possibilities that come in this season of life.

I'm so glad that you're here today because I want to share something that's been on my heart and in my mind lately and something that I've been working really hard on and something that I believe is absolutely critical to our health and well being as we navigate this next chapter of life. In my intro, I say we have real talk about aging well. What does that mean?

Well, to me, it means we're not just talking about physical health, though that is certainly important. It. It means that we also talk about emotional health, social health, and psychological health.

Our sense of purpose, feeling like our lives matter, and the social connections we have, they directly impact not just our physical health, but also our cognitive function and our overall life satisfaction.

And yet these are exactly the areas where many of us struggle as we transition into retirement, we deal with loss, we experience health changes, or we move into new living situations. So that's why I am so excited to tell you about two interactive training programs that I'm offering in the next couple of months.

And these aren't like lectures or anything where you sit and listen. These are going to be hands on, deeply engaging experiences where the participants will really dig into these critical topics together.

And I mean, I truly am excited about these because I see such potential for helping us and people even older than my typical audience, you know, 60 to 80, really finding their place again, you know, that. That feeling of usefulness, that feeling like they matter, and finding those friendships that are going to sustain them and help them thrive.

So much of what I'm going to tell you about is the type of thing that I also cover in coaching. And so if you're struggling with finding meaning or connection in this next chapter, you will want to listen.

And also if you are someone who might be interested in bringing trainings like these to your networks of communities, you will have all the information you need to propose these courses. You can always reach out to me At. At my email wendyboomer Biz. And we can talk more about it. So let me just tell you about them, right?

Because I'm, like, bursting with excitement. Okay, so the first program is called Feeling useful again. Discovering what you have to offer.

So this series was designed specifically for older adults in continuing care communities. Though, honestly, the content is valuable for anyone who's wrestling with questions about their usefulness and purpose in this season of life.

It really was designed specifically for a continuing care community, particularly the one where my mom now lives. And, you know, I'm familiar with a lot of the challenges there. And so the truth is that throughout most of our lives, how do we measure our worth?

Right? We measure it by the things that we do, how productive we feel, the roles that we played. We were parents, we were professionals, we were volunteers.

We were whatever we described ourselves as when people said, what do you do? And we took pride in our productivity and our accomplishments in the roles that we filled with. Am I right?

So what I have discovered, though, especially in the continuing care community setting, many of those things residents once did for themselves are done for them, which is lovely, right? They appreciate that, but they also don't feel useful. They're not cooking for a family anymore. They're not going to the office.

There are no committees that they're on. They're not throwing parties, taking care of the house or the yard. And they might not be physically able to do all of the things they once did.

Oh, let's be honest. None of us are physically able to do all of the things we once did, but we're still doing a lot anyway.

Having everything done for you can end up making you feel useless, invisible, like you don't matter anymore. I have lunch with my mom regularly and we often sit with her friends.

And when I ask them, they really do appreciate the comforts their community provides them, the safety, the security. All of that is wonderful. They like the meals and they all agree what is missing is that feeling of usefulness.

But here's what I want everyone to understand. Your value isn't about what you can physically do. It's about who you are. I want to say that again because I think that's really important.

It's not about what you can physically do. It's about who you are. So let me cover what we're going to talk about in this course so you'll see what I mean.

In the first week, we're going to talk about reframing usefulness. And that's where I will help the residents Shift from measuring their worth by what they do to recognizing the value of who they are.

We're going to go through an exercise where they will identify their core values, things like compassion, integrity, creativity, kindness. And they'll realize that these can be expressed regardless of their physical ability.

You don't need to be busy from dawn to dusk to live a value of perseverance. You don't need to cook a five course meal to express a value of nurturing, a kind word, a listening ear, a patient attitude.

Those can really be profound contributions. Don't we all want somebody to really listen to us when we need someone to talk to the next week? The next week's going to be a really busy week.

So we'll see how this goes. And that's where I'm going to guide participants through a structured life review process.

They're going to identify key themes and accomplishments throughout their lives and recognize the wisdom they've gained. So a life review is not just about reminiscing. Research shows that a structured life review reduces depression and increases life satisfaction.

And this is something that I do in my coaching also.

I have my coaches go through a life review and we find we like, mine it for, you know, where they felt accomplished and what were some of the challenges they overcame. And they start to see what is really possible for them now.

We're also hoping to do in week two, start on a legacy project that they can preserve and share some of the stories that they're going to come up with in the third week. We're going to explore how relationships themselves are a form of purpose, listening, encouraging, being present. These are valuable contributions.

These are gifts that you can give to your friends and family now.

And we're going to help participants identify concrete ways to connect within their communities and recognize that every connection they make is meaningful. And that's important too. You know, I'm part of this weekly check in that asks about did you find ways to be meaningful?

Did you find things that mattered this week? And without consciously thinking about it, how often do you even recognize that? But there's so much that we do.

My neighbor texted me the other day about ways I was helping her that you don't even realize the impact you make on people sometimes when you are kind and you offer a helping hand. Week four, this is about generativity. Are you familiar with Erik Erikson?

He was a psychologist who proposed a lifespan model of development emphasizing how social relationships shape our sense of self. And he suggested that we pass through eight stages as we're, as we're aging so with the last stage being generativity.

So in late adulthood, in generativity stage, people reflect on their lives and accomplishments.

And if they view their experiences as meaningful, they achieve what he calls ego integrity, which is a sense of satisfaction and readiness to face life's end. Those who feel they've fallen short, they may experience despair marked by regret, bitterness, or fear of death.

In week four, my intention is to focus on Erikson's concept of generativity and work with participants to find that satisfaction in the experiences of their life. And so we'll get creative.

They're going to create what I'm calling an expertise inventory where they're going to take inventory of all the knowledge, skills, life experience and wisdom they've gained and that they might be able to offer. And then we'll brainstorm ways to share these gifts, even in non traditional ways.

I mean, maybe they like teaching, so they might teach how to play cards, or they might teach by sharing stories of their experiences during World War II or the Korea War, even Vietnam.

They might find ways to be an encourager in their community by writing notes to people that they know might have had a recent loss or might need a friend, might have just moved in and need to know that they are in a welcoming place. In week five, we're going to talk about finding purpose in small moments.

And here I'm going to give them a lot of different tools and they can choose which ones resonate which ones they would want to use. So we'll talk about gratitude, journaling, we'll talk about intentional kindness, mindfulness, maybe some personal growth goals.

And as we discuss each of these, like I said, they're going to find one or two that really seem doable to them and seem meaningful, right? Like they're not going to do it if it feels like it's just busy work. So it has to feel doable and meaningful. But the research again is clear.

People who find meaning in daily life have better mental health, greater resilience, and even better physical health outcomes. And I want to share with you that in my life, my partner and I will regularly in the evening share something we're grateful for.

And you know, he's going through a lot of work these days, so it may be I'm grateful that the sun is shining, but that's a gratitude. And just shifting our focus to something that we're grateful for can have a major impact on how we feel overall.

And finally, we're going to talk about or we're going to create what we're calling a personal meaning manifesto.

And this is where all the people that have been in the class for these past five weeks are going to synthesize everything they've learned and create a personal manifesto or a declaration of their values, what they've committed to that they feel like is starting to make a difference and the way they choose to live meaningfully going forward.

So it's going to be a very interactive six weeks with a lot of reflective exercises and discussions, recognize brainstorming and creativity, sharing of stories, supporting each other and leaving with practical tools that they can use immediately. Doesn't that sound exciting? I can't wait. It starts Saturday, Valentine's Day. We're going to start on Saturday. Okay.

The second program, this is called Building Connection and Community in Later Life.

And this is also a six part series, but this one's focusing specifically on social connection, how to build it, maintain it, and navigate the challenges that come with it. So back to research.

I really, you know, I look at the research a lot because I want to make sure that what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling is right is also supported by a lot of research and proven to make a difference in people's lives. So let me share some research with you. And you may have heard this.

Loneliness and social isolation are as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Seriously, chronic loneliness increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia and early death.

But on the flip side, strong social connections improve our immune function, our cognitive health, and our emotional well being. So connection literally keeps us alive and well. But here's the challenge. Making and keeping friends gets harder as we age.

We retire and we lose those daily work connections. Whether they were friends we went out with or not, they were still regular connections in our personal lives. Friends move away, they pass away.

Our health may limit our mobility. So getting back and forth to visit friends becomes more difficult. And we may relocate. A lot of us relocate to be closer to our family.

Or we may relocate out of a big house into a care community. So, so the landscape of friendship changes dramatically. So how do we navigate this?

Well, that's what this building connection and community in later life is all about. And so we're going to start that by talking about the science, like why does connection become harder?

What are the difficult or the, what are the different types of loneliness? Social, emotional and existential.

And participants are going to assess their own social circles and identify where they have strengths and where they have gaps. And then the second week, we'll talk about how do you build New friendships. Right. Like, a lot of us feel like. Well, you know, I mean, friendships.

History is what a friendship is about. You know, they know our parents, they knew our siblings, they knew our kids. You know, adding a new friend now at this stage of life, that's hard.

But in this week, we're going to talk about ways that it can be important and practical, especially when you've moved and you don't have your older friends or your old past relationships nearby.

So we're going to talk about where do you meet potential friends, how do you start conversations, how do you overcome your shyness or your fear of rejection? That's a big one. And we'll practice conversation skills, create friendship action plans and set realistic goals.

And then off they'll go and practice some of that when they come back, we're going to talk about those old relationships, those existing relationships, and, you know, the depth of those relationships really matter to us. And we don't need a lot of them, but we need one or two.

So we'll talk about how to deepen some of our current friendships, how we adapt to changes that we see in them, in them, that we see in ourselves, and maintaining those connections, even when the circumstances shift, like we've moved or their health has declined or our health has declined. And then in week four, we're going to talk about healthy relationships that require boundaries. So we'll.

I'll teach participants how to set boundaries kindly, how to navigate conflicts and recognize when a relationship has become unhealthy and probably needs to be pushed to the back and not given a whole lot of time and attention. And sometimes that's really hard.

I had a friend 30 years, we were friends, and it finally got to the point where it just wasn't good for either one of us anymore. Lots of things that happened, and it was hard. I mean, I still miss her sometimes, but it was the right thing to do to kind of cut those ties.

Okay, week five, we're going to talk about asking for and offering support. So many of us struggle with asking for help. We don't want to be a burden. Oh, boy, I hear that a lot. But here's the truth.

Asking for help is actually a gift to others. People like to feel needed and helpful. Think about yourself. Don't you feel good when you can help someone?

So we're going to practice specific ways to request support and how to offer help thoughtfully, without overstepping. Right. It's one thing to be asked all the time to where you might feel like it's a burden.

But it's also another thing to offer too often where you're imposing yourself in a situation that maybe it's more than you should. And then finally, we'll tie it all together, exploring how connection and purpose reinforce each other.

Participants will create a sustainable plan for ongoing community involvement and celebrate the connections they've built through this series. So again, this is highly interactive. Every session will include group discussions, partner activities, role playing, all of that kind of stuff.

And they may decide that they want to continue to meet afterwards or with as a group or with individuals that they've met in the group. But I'm telling you about all this because, one, I'm very excited about it. You know, I've.

I was a trainer through much of my corporate career, and this is my community, right? I am so impressed sometimes by some of the people I meet and so encouraged by the work that I do. So we're all aging and.

Well, we're all aging if we're lucky, right? And I have noticed the changes in myself from my 60s to my 70s.

And I watched my mom as she's transitioned into her 90s and faces new challenges that come with her age. I also see examples of people thriving and people just being alive, whether they're 60 or 90.

And with all that I have studied and learned and with all that I see and experience, I believe that feeling useful and feeling connected are foundational to healthy aging. You may have excellent physical health, but if you feel useless and isolated, you're not going to thrive.

Usefulness and connection aren't luxuries, they are necessities. And I've seen what happens when people engage with these topics intentionally.

I've watched my clients light up when they realize their value extends far beyond what they thought was possible. I feel the importance of the connections we share in the banter circle. And I also do this work for myself and my family.

I want to age well for as many years as I have, and I want my children and cousins and extended family to find their meaning and purpose. And maybe some of my work will inspire them. Now, here's something I want to mention.

While I'm offering these programs locally in the next couple of months, I can also bring them to your organization or community virtually or in person.

So if you work with or belong to a senior center, continuing care community, a retirement community, a religious group, church, synagogue, whatever, or any organization serving older adults, and you think your members would benefit from this kind of programming, I would love to talk to you. And these trainings can be customized to fit your schedule and your community's needs. And they can be done weekly, bi weekly, monthly.

What matters is that we're creating spaces where older adults can engage with these critical topics in meaningful, interactive ways. Look, getting older isn't easy. I mean, right? You hear it all the time. Getting older isn't for sissies.

We face losses of people we love, of abilities we once had, of roles that defined us. But. But aging also offers something profound, the opportunity to discover what truly matters.

Thelma turned 92 this year and she is publishing Bi weekly on Substack under the heading Seriously Senior. She describes Seriously Senior as a place to explore and express what reaching and living this long into her 10th decade means.

Whatever physical changes and challenges we may experience, our inner reflections and resources still guide our actions and who we really are and who we are becoming. I love that. Who we are becoming. At 92, Thelma is still becoming because she has found a new way to be useful and share wisdom.

She's always been an educator and she is living aligned with her values, sharing her wisdom and showing up with kindness and presence and connection. It's not about having a million friends. It's about meaningful relationships where you feel seen, valued and supported.

These things are possible at any age and they're possible for you right now, today to feel useful, to feel connected, to have people in your life that show you how much you matter. And that's what these trainings are about. And that's what my coaching is about, helping people discover and live into what is possible.

You can learn more about my work by going to the website hey Boomer Biz Biz B I Z hey Boomer Biz. And you'll see all about the podcast and the coaching and other things that I do. So visit the Visit the website. That would be lovely.

And I always like to wrap up these episodes with a shout out to another woman podcaster offering programs to women over 50. And so this month I'm recommending Patricia Drain and her podcast women entrepreneurs over 50 making more, working less and doing what you love.

You can check it out wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also check out her website, which is patriciadrain.com so thank you so much for listening today.

These solo episodes are always shorter than the guest episodes, but I hope something I shared resonated with you. And I do hope that you will consider bringing one of these programs to your community.

So until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other. Thank you so much.