I have a weekly date with one of my friends and this last chat we had, she reflected back to me exactly what I had already outlined for this episode. If that’s not proof that I was living in alignment, what is? The universe, your spirits, your higher self are surrounding you with people who want to affirm that you are walking and living in your path.

Orienting yourself when you’re in a new initiatory process is so important because sometimes we don’t even know that’s what’s happening. We may be so stuck in the discomfort and day-to-day minutiae that we don’t notice. On the other hand, we in the spiritual business space tend to label everything as an initiation, almost flippantly, and we lose the gravity and seriousness of what an initiation really means.

Initiation isn’t a one time thing. It’s actually a process and a journey in and of itself. Sometimes it’s recognizable to others, sometimes it’s purely internal, and you have a purpose to fulfill by being in your new position or new role. Sometimes you have to recognize who you are even though the world doesn’t recognize it yet.

Because I’ve been through this lately, I wanted to discuss some common things that come up.

• How can you fix energy leaks that happen when you’re in an initiatory process?
• How can you tell that you’re inside an initiation?
• How can you embrace your initiative journey rather than loathing it?

I have a hunch you’d like access to the supporting materials I’ve created especially for this episode. It takes deeper personal inquiry, practice, and embodiment to really take inspiration and knowledge to the next level. That’s why I’ve created Access: a month-to-month inner circle community, to be a real life study and being hall for us. To join, visit ashleyjohns.com/access. 

Share with me what inspired you in this episode! Tag or DM me via IG @ashinspires, or visit my website at ashleyjohns.com

May you walk your path with courage and compassion!

with love, trust and devotion to my path,

Ash x

Music: Cafe Lounge by FASSounds | A Podcast Launch Bestie production

A Podcast Launch Bestie production

All right, so here we are.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the first episode of Season three, the final and

forever season of it Still happening.

I'm so excited for this episode y'all.

and I'm excited because I am celebrating how much ease and joy and fun and

creativity and inspiration I am experiencing and creating this season , or

rather me coming back to the podcast and creating what these energies feels amazing

to me because I don't think I felt this way in previous, seasons of the podcast.

It almost feels like I'm arriving or I am learning how to walk in the room and

share, with a different presence and.

Wow.

That's a, that's a good point, Ash.

Okay.

We're already veering off, but I do have an outline, so hang with me all, but it's

interesting that I would say it feels like I'm walking in the room with more

presence, with kicking off this new, format of the podcast because my word for

the year for 2023 is presence, so, wow.

Okay.

Again, as I said, y'all are witnessing me in the evolution of my life right now.

I am pulling back the curtains.

I am communicating, teaching, sharing, breaking down all the things

associated with embodying your own ancestral healing journey, as what

I'm saying, a creational woman.

Cuz I know I'm very creative and I know we as women create our

experiences we're literally meant to.

And even if you're, not a woman and you're listening to the

podcast, you're also welcome here.

Or you don't identify as a woman or you're queer or whatever.

Like, we're not getting caught up in all the labels.

Everyone who is here is welcome here and you're supposed to be here because

you're called to be here and you are.

So that's just that.

But um, we all have creational energies.

We all are creational beings.

, I'm really excited about this vibe that I'm working with and it just felt

right to actually start this first episode, which is actually episode 19.

But it felt right to piggyback off of the theme of the trailer.

And the reason why is I had the most interesting experience.

, I have a weekly date with one of my homegirls.

She is an amazing coach.

She does totally different work, but it's also related work, really amazing.

And, we were chit-chatting.

We often hold space for each other and kind of talk about life and such.

And also the current initiations and transformations we're going through.

And some of her reflections back to me, this.

Or it is exactly what I had outlined for this episode.

It's exactly what I had already recorded in the trailer.

So if there is no other confirmation that you are in alignment, I don't know what

is, you know, especially since I hadn't spoken with her in almost two weeks.

So she didn't know some of the developments or the new changes in my

life and, um, it just felt amazing.

Like there's, to me the feeling of confirmation and affirmation.

Already being embodied.

Not like, oh, I was thinking about that, or I was considering it,

but it's like I've already, or you've already made the decision.

And then someone else comes up and says the exact same thing, verbatim,

word for word, and you're like, wow.

Thank you.

Gods like, thank you spirits.

Thank you.

Hire yourself.

That's exactly what I needed.

So pay attention to moments like that and don't shrug it off as

just excitement and happenstance.

Like really realize that the universe, your spirits here, hire yourself, are

surrounding you with people who want to affirm that you are in fact walking

and living in your path as I am.

So we're piggybacking off of the energy of the.

. It felt right to kick off with the first episode of me coming back to the podcast

in this topic, this topic of surrendering to yourself, this topic of initiating

yourself or being initiated into a new chapter and a new identity in your life.

And I know this, that not only am I going through this right now in

my life, but I know a lot of people who are not just clients, I'm saying

on the internet and end the world.

For one, the predictions of 2023 was that this was gonna be a year.

Huge, tumultuous and great change.

And usually when people say huge and tumultuous and like massive change, we all

start to like clench and dig our heels in the sand or the ground a little bit more.

But to me, the energy that I feel is like an overhaul.

You know, we have gone through so much over these last couple years

and now it's like, , we get to embody the transformations that we've been

longing for or working at with greater ease, but with way more impact.

This year, it's like 2019.

We all, most of us had pretty tr tough years.

2020.

It took us all out.

2021.

We were in aftershock and feeling the after waves of such a shock in 2022.

We're like, okay, is there any rubble here that I can pick up?

Like what am I doing?

And now 2023, it's like, , the change is in place.

You are getting comfortable in this or finding how it feels to fit

yourself into this new way of being.

And at least that's my experience and that's what I'm seeing.

I've been seeing a lot of entrepreneurs online, talking about

how they're leaving their businesses.

They had burnout.

They're on a sabbatical, they're revamping their businesses.

They become a mother.

They've quit the business.

Like all these changes to how we're living.

New chapters in life and also new identities.

And so because I'm in one myself and I know that so many of us are in a

similar process, it felt right to kick off, the refresh, the reemergence

of the podcast with this theme.

So a little bit more as to why this is, I.

And this is where the teaching starts to come.

So if this is your first time listening to It's Still

Happening podcast, well welcome.

I'm so glad that you're here.

I always teach by living.

I always teach things that I'm currently living or have lived through, and I

will also sprinkle in some anecdotes and experiences from clients, over the years.

And I've been doing this work and being a healer all my life, but

specifically for the last eight years.

so I say that to say if you do not have a notebook, a pen, a paper, your phone out

to record notes or something like that.

Like do so now, like, just press pause because I get into the vibe.

Spirit starts to flow And before you know it, some nuggets of truth are dropping and

you're like, oh my god, what did she say?

So just prepare yourself right now cuz we're diving in, we're climbing

in and I know it's gonna be really good cause I feel incredibly calm

and so deeply supported right now.

So another reason why this idea of really orienting ourselves in the

experience of surrendering when we are in a new initiatory process.

for a new chapter in life and for a new identity is two things.

Most times we don't even realize we're in an initiation.

We don't.

We are so in the minutiae and in the day-to-day and in the struggle or the

uncomfortability that we're constantly avoiding or running away from or

completely upside down and inside out, that we can't orient ourselves and say,

oh, I'm actually in an initiation journey.

I need to pay attention.

Even though this might feel, foreign to me or uncomfortable to me, this is an

important time in my life that I need to pay attention to and be present in.

So that's one I wanna draw our attention to.

The fact that a lot of times we just don't even realize it cuz we're experiencing it.

And I don't even know if, that is to be reverse engineered or changed.

I just wanna bring more awareness into it.

I find that when.

Except that I am in an in initiatory process, I open up to it more.

It becomes medicine, even more medicine.

Instead of me resisting the medicine, I actually open my throat and receive

it, and it starts to even taste good, like I have a Chinese medicine doctor.

And whenever she prescribes me like a new herb, it tastes

like dirt, crap, sand shit.

Okay.

. But after I'm like, okay, I need to take this.

It's going to support me.

Like she's gonna put me on this for the next three months.

Like this, like powdery, they call it a tea, but it's

like powdered dust sandpaper.

What's that stuff when you do sanding in the house and like it's

like that, like dry plaster dust.

Like that's how I, I promise to God.

Over time, I've actually started liking the flavor.

Over time, I've opened up that this medicine is good for me

because I've realized where I'm at and why I'm doing it, right?

So one of the reasons why this is important is we don't always

realize we're in an initiation.

And another reason is I believe.

That we use the word initiation to fucking much like every time.

And this is really kind of aimed at no disrespect, this is kind

of aimed at the spiritual world and the spiritual community.

And I love us like we are so deep.

I know that I am super spiritual, so I'm a part of this.

I'm labeling stuff all the time.

, that's a sign.

You know what I mean?

But like we're so quick to say I'm in an initiation.

I'm in an initiation, but we don't.

Embody or like understand the gravity of being in an initiation,

that we become so flippant with it.

And I wanna bring some more reverence and seriousness and again, presence

to what an initiation is and being initiated and moving through

an initiatory process, right?

Cause it seems to be losing its meaning.

. So of course, being the little wordsmith that I am sometimes, or rather I was as

a kid, I had to go and refresh my memory on the actual definition of initiation

instead of like the colloquialism of it or the cultural reference to it.

And good old Google.

I don't even know if it was Webster or whatever, the Oxford dictionary, but

it essentially says that initiation is a process of undergoing an expansion,

usually towards higher levels of consci.

, right?

But you can initiate into lower levels of consciousness if you're into that kind

of work, but that's a different podcast.

Okay, . Initiation is the act or an instance of initiating, which means

that you're starting something new.

It is the process of being initiating.

So you are in process.

It is a actual marker through a right, through a ceremony, through an ordeal,

through an experience or instructions that someone has given to you.

Whether it's God, a member of a society or sector, um, an elder, a

teacher, even your higher self, your.

Is giving you instructions and giving you a process that you are following,

that's moving you forward in your consciousness and in your expansion,

and in your, your, um, reason for being right, your soul and ancestral

agreements and reason for being here.

And that's for a spec, a specific purpose or reason, right?

And then there's that.

You're an actual initiate, like a noun.

You are becoming something new.

And when you become something new, you also have to get used to

embodying and walking in that newness.

This is oftentimes where someone actually does go through a

very formal initiation process.

If you're a part of a certain group or circle or whatever, you know, and.

Yeah, you got the title or yeah, you did the things, but you still have to learn

how to exist and be that person, even if you have the spirits in your home

and all the things like that, right?

Like there's a whole journey in that when you become something or someone new.

So what we're essentially talking about is an experience of a rite of passage

where as you move through it, you are not the same and you're discombobulated.

When you complete it, you will not be the same, and as you embody it, you

are also becoming a different person.

Like initiation is not a one-time thing.

It's actually a process and a journey in and of itself.

Some of those processes and journeys never.

Some of them have plateaus and milestones and markers, trade posts,

if you will, that help you know that you are making progress in this

initiative, initiatory journey, right?

So a lot of times these rite of passages are often recognized from other people,

but other times we are initiating ourselves or life is initiating us, right?

Or spirit is initiating us, or your greater calling is initiating.

, and essentially what's happening is you are being called to see yourself

differently and be confident in your new site, in your new perspective, in your new

identity, and new in your new authority.

Like that's the whole initiation.

It means that you are now in a different position in your life.

In your clan, in your community, and in your soul's path, and you have

a purpose to fulfill by being in that new position, in that new role.

So when I think about those of us who have decided to be generational pattern

breakers, or have decided to walk our own path in life, or have decided to do

ancestral healing work, or have decided to become more woken, more conscious, like

all these different journeys of raising.

Consciousness to fulfill our soul's journey and reason for being here.

It brings me back into this.

I am different and I have the authority to be different and in my difference,

I'm here to offer some medicine or some insight or some something to the world.

So that's a whole word in and of itself.

I'm sure a lot of you are pausing and rewinding back to just even thinking.

Initiation and the initiatory process and why it's so uncomfortable.

And as I was talking to spirit about this, they were talking about how there

is essentially like two ways for an initiation to get started, which I'm

simplifying obviously, but there is initiating by someone or some people.

So maybe you have a teacher, an elder, a program, a course, a degree.

a certification.

yeah, like what's that?

Continuing education like all those things, whether it's an individual person,

an institution, or a group of people, even your community who initiate you and

essentially see you in a certain way.

And then there's also self initiation.

where you've decided to go off into the wilderness and learn things and try things

and it's just you and the land and the spirit, or you've gone off and done some

things and put yourself in a situation based on your drive, your dreams and

your interests, and you are the along with life like you and life together,

and either one of these scenarios.

the community that you're from recognizes you as change or as someone different

or in a new role, even before you do.

So, they see you as the warrior.

They see you as a healer.

They see you as the medicine woman.

They see you as the mother or, the wealthy one, or the, you know, one who's achieved

whatever it is that you're out to.

Or you recognize yourself and eventually other people catch

up and see you in that way.

And this is a really important thing because.

I think a lot of times we think of, what was that karate kid where he had

an elder mentor and he's like, yore.

You know what I'm saying?

And like it's like he went through an initiat journey and he trained

and he cried and his sweat and tears and he got tested and it was his

elder who let him know he was ready.

You know, it's like we're still looking for that same experience.

We're sometime, sometimes you do have to recognize who you are, even.

World doesn't recognize it yet.

Or even your family or your community or even the internet or your

clients don't recognize you yet.

You have to know who you are and the only way you're gonna know who

you are is if you actually walk your path and do the work and stop

avoiding it and putting it off, right?

Or as I was doing, going to other people's podcasts, instead of growing

my own podcast and my own message, which is so weird, I'm such a full

circle moment cuz like I started.

Telling everybody what my opinions and my wisdom and my strengths were,

and then somehow like teared off.

But that's okay cause I'm human.

And here we.

. and it's also awkward the other way around when everybody else is acknowledging

that you are a leader, you are a teacher, and you don't see it yourself.

Right?

That's another way of having imposter syndrome.

It's also another way of putting yourself in the position to not

have any boundaries and to be taken advantage of, which I have experienced

both of these at the same time, which I wanna talk a little bit about.

when we don't step into our new initiation or who we truly are fully and.

Know that we are indeed in an initiatory process.

, I've just been like in an initiatory, in an, you know what I mean?

Because like it's such a tongue twister.

But in an initiatory process, we start having huge energy leaks

that cost us so much, y'all.

It cost us our boundaries.

It costs us our work.

I have been stolen.

So much.

It's just ridiculous.

Which I know some people are gonna argue it's spirit work.

How can, like everyone does ancestral, how can you steal?

But whatever.

It's a long story for another time.

we.

lose a lot of energy in our actual initiatory process.

So we start like veering off and not completing our process.

We can have energy leaks in our friendships, our relationships.

We can have energy leaks because we're overgiving, because we're

in between two identities.

And instead of.

Fully allowing ourself to transmute and melt and fall all the way down from our

old identity and mutate into a new one.

We're kind of that in between, that we're like leaking energy and giving too much

and overcompensating and overexplaining.

How do I know I've done all of these things?

Like all of these things and it was really interesting like.

, I had to look at what was really happening to see the level I've

been operating in and the level that I'm going in and like shout out to

one of my clients this past year.

who worked with me in a very special container.

She, at the end of it was like, yo, I, I just wanna know where you're going,

like, what's going on with you, Ash, because you feel so different than

when we even started our work together and I just, you know, let my guard

down and told her a hundred percent.

I'm like, you're right.

I'm completely different and I'm not ready to tell people that yet, but I'm glad

that you can see it because you've also.

Access to me in a more intimate way.

But the truth is, the way that I've been working is beneath the level

that I'm supposed to be working in.

Not in skillset, but in the access, in the way I'm delivering it, in the

format, and how I'm interacting with people and how I'm showing up online.

Because the truth is, sure, I have coach certifications,

but I never was only a coach.

I was never meant to be a coach.

I've always been a guide, a creator, and a.

. And it's so interesting because as I've gone back to my very first website,

that's the language that I had on it.

And as I read the words on the page, I was like, wow, you had it then Ash,

you just maybe weren't confident.

I wasn't confident in it and I needed to like work with people and like

really know that my modality worked.

And I've done that now for eight years, but eight years ago I had

all of this on a website as it is.

Isn't that wild?

. So when you don't see the level that you're really supposed to be

operating in and who you truly are becoming, and who you are, you get

into this weird wobble, you know?

, get into a wobble.

You have weird experiences where people are like, copying you or

like taking credit for your work or wanting to be associated with you, but

don't wanna give credit or like all these little funky things coming up.

And when I, this started happening and it's actually was happening for a while

now, for like least the last three years.

We're more potently in the last two.

And I had to say I really am onto something that the world hasn't quite

wrapped its head around and some people.

. We want to make sure that they're a part of it for when it blows up, you know?

And there's no need to be in victimhood.

There's no need to drop into fear.

This is the power of who I am and the work that I do, and the vision that I'm

casting, and those who are quote unquote on my line or part of my network, or who

are drawn to work with me or be a part of my network or you know, these things.

This is what's supposed to happen in this Initiat journey in my call to serve in my.

, you know, and so instead of going into this place of depletion or

more energy leak, it was just a time to really crawl up and sit higher

on my throne and restructure some things in a way that really supports

and serves everyone involved.

Cuz these are people that I don't want to go away.

They're people that I want to.

honor and leverage what they have gained and what they've learned and

association with me, but also to do so with reverence and respect and integrity.

That's important.

You know?

So all this to say, when you're losing friends, when family stuff is

going, when colleagues is weird, Yeah.

You know when you're, don't feel like you can get your footing when you

recognize yourself, but you kind of don't.

When you know that you're powerful, important, but sometimes

you don't feel like you are.

You might be in an very acute initiatory process that's moving you from being

an existing one way and to being an existing another way, and it's more

than likely a way that you've been desiring and wanting for a long ass time.

And that's the kicker because everything that's happened in my life in the last

year are things that I desired the year.

It can happen that fast.

At this point, I'm just manifesting everything and stepping into

everything as a year, season.

Every year I'm like, okay, okay.

What's this season about?

What's this season about?

So I really feel that it's important to appreciate the initiatory process,

to recognize it and to look at what you need in order to stay in.

To complete it and to start to see your new identity emerging and to know what

your new identity and new gifts and what you've unlocked will require of you,

and also the people who are associated with you or within your network.

You will have new standards, you will have new boundaries.

You will have a new message.

You will have a new way of delivering the things that you have always been called.

, you'll have people leave and new people come in.

You will move to new places.

You will have different relationships, right?

Your body shape will change.

Your appetite will be different.

Like it's okay to literally step into a new identity that you do not recognize.

And that in between of, I don't recognize who I was and I'm

still getting to know who I am.

It's funky.

It really is, but it's completely important to surrender all the way.

Who you truly are and where you're going next in your next level up as I am.

when you're initiating and stepping in and really accepting the process that

you're in, and who you're becoming, you will start to see things very

different than when you were at your old.

what flu and you let pass or get by in the past will not fly and

will not go pass or be okay now.

And that to me has been one of the most challenging pills to accept.

There were things that.

I was okay with in the past that I am not okay with now.

And I wouldn't say grief cuz I do feel like a lot of people are talking

about grief and rightfully so.

There's a lot of things to grieve.

It's more so like a mind fuck, where I'm like, wait, am I being

petty or am I being like, right.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, , I'm just like, that's, that can't fly with me anymore.

Like it.

Simple and small, but it is not simple and small anymore according to who I am now.

That is now unacceptable.

And to be able to trust yourself and know yourself in that new

existence is a powerful thing.

One, it's gonna make a lot of people raise their eyebrows and

tilt their head, but when they feel.

The authenticity in you and your care, and your courage, and your compassion,

and your love for yourself, and why you're saying it, they have no choice

but to comply or just move outta your sphere, and either one of those are

fantastic responses, let me tell you.

Mm-hmm.

. I'm sharing this all because I want you to embrace your initiative journey

instead of loathing it and instead of fighting against yourself in it and

instead of gassing yourself through it.

Right.

You are probably in a process just like so many of us are in a process,

and you wouldn't be in that process if you were not ready for it.

We make a process of transformation and change a lot harder when we're

doubting ourselves and resisting it instead of falling all the

way in it and emerging anew.

It is for your best.

It is making you into who you're called to be, and although it sucks, it is quite

fascinating to see all the different facets of a transformational journey.

I often think of the ancestors who came before me who didn't have the

opportunity to fully initiate and to their full potential, their calling.

And their power, and that's what inspires me.

Not because they couldn't, I should, but because I can.

And I want to be an example and shine that energy back to them and have them

live it through me, and by supporting me, help us experience it together.

. All right, so this feels really complete for today.

I'm incredibly proud of myself because we had a few off cuff moments, , but for

the most part I did follow an outline.

Look at that y'all.

An outline.

I would love to know, obviously, how you feel about this episode, how you feel

about it's still happening, being back.

I'd love to know.

Um, you know, I haven't talked a lot about.

My business journey and you know what the behind the scenes is like.

And if you want more of that experience or that would inspire you, please hit

me up on Instagram and let me know.

I'd love to see you share this episode and let other people know

that it's still happening, is back.

And I have a few prompts for you, to help you determine if you are in fact.

In an initiatory process and don't realize it.

That'll also help you see yourself more clearly.

Take better care of yourself and see yourself through the

process inside of access.

I hope you enjoy them.

Remember that you are in fact creating your own path of freedom for your life,

for your lineage, and for your legacy.

Continue doing so with love, courage, and compassion.

I'll see you next episode and inside of Access.