Artwork for podcast Her Empowered Divorce
38 - KAMINI WOOD - The Importance Of Letting Go
1st December 2022 • Her Empowered Divorce • Beverly Price
00:00:00 00:24:05

Share Episode

Shownotes

“Just let it go” is one of the most common “suggestions” people tend to give when they want you to forget something and move on in life. But, ‘letting go’ is easier said than done. That’s exactly what Kamini Wood and I talk about in this episode of the Her Self Expression podcast.

In this episode, we talk about certain situations that both of us have gone through in our lives where we had to ‘let go.’ We also talk about whether boundaries are important to ‘let go,’ whether women have a harder time ‘letting go’ compared to men, and whether ‘letting go’ affects a woman’s empowerment.

Kamini Wood, a certified professional coach, is the creator of AuthenticMe® and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, a coaching company helping high performers and overachievers who have seen success through old-rooted, traditional metrics, reestablish their relational self-awareness. Her clients truly live into self-acceptance, self-confidence and self-leadership. Trained in internal family systems, cognitive behavioral based coaching and acceptance and commitment based coaching, she is able to help her clients navigate through past traumas, toxic relationships with others and themselves and into the life they want professionally and personally.

Kamini herself has gone from a people-pleasing, perfectionist, holding herself back by playing small into someone who recognizes her worth and sees that by embracing it she can create room for others to do the same.

HERE ARE 3 TIPS TO HELP YOU ON YOUR ROAD TO SELF-EMPOWERMENT

  1. Check in with your emotions
  2. Boundary setting
  3. Voicing your needs

CONNECT WITH KAMINI WOOD

CURIOUS TO FIND OUT WAYS ON HOW YOU CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE AND START YOUR OWN JOURNEY TO RECOVERY?

Curious to know how well you know where you are in your empowerment journey? Make sure you visit https://herselfexpression.com/#quiz to take the free quiz to see where your opportunities to thrive in life are.

HAVE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW EXPERIENCING A DIVORCE HANGOVER?

Take the free quiz here to find out what’s keeping you from recovering from a divorce hangover: https://herselfexpression.com/divorce-recovery-program-1

LISTEN TO ALL EPISODES OF THE HER SELF EXPRESSION PODCAST HERE: https://herselfexpression.com/podcast

TO FIND OTHER WOMEN WHO YOU CAN CONNECT WITH, SHARE, AND GROW TOGETHER, JOIN THESE TWO COMMUNITIES ON FACEBOOK AND LINKEDIN

Her Self Expression Sisterhood on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/groups/herselfexpressionsisterhood

Her Self Expression Network on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14119012/

CONNECT WITH BEVERLY PRICE

SUBSCRIBE TO THE HER SELF EXPRESSION PODCAST

If you liked this episode, please don’t forget to tune in, subscribe, and share this podcast with a friend or family member!

Transcripts

[:

If you'd like to move from self-loathing to self-love as Beverly did, stay tuned for today's episode that is Sure to help you take on the world. And now here's Beverly. Enjoy the show.

[:

If you'd like to work with. You can call me or send a message to her self-expression dot com. I'm also the host of this podcast. Her self-expression research shows that four out of every five women struggle with their self-image and self-confidence. Her self-expression provides knowledge, support, and insight to help these women on their journey to self-empowerment on the inside and out, so they can confidently take on the.

Today I have these questions for you to think about. Have you ever had to let go? Was it difficult? Did you get any advice to make it easier? Well, my guess today is Kamini wood Kamini is going to help us today on the topic of letting go, which is nowhere near as easy as it sounds. Kamini is a certified professional coach.

She helps people take the courageous steps to identify their limiting beliefs, the reasons for their stagnation or feelings of not enoughness, so they can have what they want professionally and personally to live a fulfilled life. She is a creator of authentic Me and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, a coaching company helping individuals shake free of their fears, unhelpful mindsets and behaviors in order to have healthy relationships and move forward on their professional path. Kamini herself has gone from a people pleasing perfectionist, holding herself back by playing small into someone who recognizes her worth and sees that by embracing it, she can create room for others to do the.

She is a best selling author and holds many, many specialty certifications. She is also trained in conscious parenting and coaching for children. Hi Kamini. Thank you so much for being my guest today. It's so good to have you and I love that we both wore pink.

[:

[:

That touched me so much.

[:

Thank you for bringing that up actually, because when people ask me, you know, tell me about your journey. Really. My journey began at that ca catalyst moment, right when my daughter, cause I'm the parent of five, so it was my middle daughter. I saw her dimming herself down in order to in order to almost make others shine brighter than her.

Like somehow it was selfish for her to shine her light. It was that moment where I recognized that that came from watching me. That came from how I was showing up and not, and, and for the mo let me be clear though, I wasn't judgmental, I was really almost curiously aware of where that was coming from and then got even more curious about it and re.

That if I want my children to walk a different path or at least have the option to walk a different path, I needed to figure out for myself where I was holding myself back, where that was coming from, and figure out how I wanted to shift and change. So that really started me on the journey of my own self transformation.

Through that process, I recognize that I'm. Being called to help others on this journey. So went through many different trainings and certifications. I also brought in my, my business background. Originally I was a, a certified project manager. Brought all of this together and created the business that I have now, which is really working with people one on one and helping them move forward from this place of self doubt.

As you mentioned stagnation, it's the limiting beliefs, the false beliefs, and helping them move forward into where they wanna go.

[:

and when I heard that I ended the marriage, it was it was so painful. Mm-hmm. , you know, to to think cuz you only want the best for your children. Absolutely. Absolutely. Can, can you tell me a little bit about what the phrase letting go means to you?

[:

Yeah. And that's what letting go means. And it's interesting and I think that this topic is amazing for us to talk about today. Cuz as you know, before we started record. I had computer issues, which pushed me the need to let go. And we started talking about even my son and some of the things that he's dealing with at college right now.

Again, a moment. Absolutely. And, and experience of learning to let go. So it's a, it's a constant threat.

[:

[:

I think it, it is different for different people, but from my experience in the work that I've done, the relationships letting go relationships is a bit harder because we internalize and make meaning of ourself when we're in context of a relationship. So while there are material things that could have a lot of meaning to us in a relationship, we.

Are attached to it in such a way where we're making meaning of who we are and how we're showing up. So if we are letting go of a relationship, oftentimes I know that clients struggle with letting go of a relationship because. They internalize it as some type of failure on their part, and if they internalize it as a failure, that becomes the false belief that I am a failure.

And if we take that one step further, it becomes then there's something wrong with me. If I couldn't figure this out, then either there's something wrong with me or I'm not enough.

[:

On. Can you tell me why letting go is so important?

[:

So going back to my example with what I was just referring to before, we got on our call today with my son, he's in college, he's, he's an athlete in college and he's suffered a concussion for me. Letting go has been all about allowing him the. To make choices and decisions about his healthcare and about how he's proceeding with getting back onto the field as well as in the classroom.

That has been a process of letting go for me in terms of my growth because now I'm at a new level of parenthood. I'm not at the level of small child also in letting go beyond just me. I'm allowing him room to grow, letting go, doesn't. Completely absolving oneself of something. It just means we're not so attached and holding onto something with such strict you know, really tight.

Is it like we're holding onto that steering wheel super tight, trying to control it?

[:

And, and I think as you said, letting go isn't free of pain points. You know, it can be painful. How, how do you suggest to people that they let go, what do they do?

[:

Mm-hmm. That it's about compassion and allowing the feelings to be present. You know, wow, this is hard. I feel sad about this process of letting go. I feel disappointed. Whatever the feeling may be, go ahead and name it. Because if we don't allow ourselves to have those emotions and to work through those emotions and just kind of push them aside, it's very difficult to let go because those emotions are gonna come, they're gonna pop back up.

So I often will say to people, the very first step in letting go. Employing, kind, employing kindness over judgment, first of all. And then second of all, giving yourself time, space, and grace to have your feelings.

[:

[:

When we're letting go it, it's, and, and I was joking, but really serious, that boundaries come into play so often in our lives, and so often we fight against setting boundaries because there's this internal dialogue that somehow we're being mean or steal and, and truthfully, When we set boundaries, it's not just for us, it's for the other people too, and it's actually allowing for a deeper connection.

[:

[:

So setting boundaries with ourselves, you know, what am I willing to do? What am I willing to accept? What am I committing to? And then holding ourselves accountable for those commitments. Holding ourselves accountable for making sure that we're respecting the boundaries that we're setting for ourselves.

So for instance, if we're setting an internal boundary, a very simple one, an internal boundary around. You know what time we're gonna go to bed. You know, it's not just a commitment, it's an internal boundary that we're setting because we're respecting ourselves in that way. And when we do that and we start building that muscle of internal boundaries, it actually becomes easier to set those external boundaries with others.

[:

[:

And many times we'll start, we'll set the boundary and immediately retract it. And then of course, the people who have had boundaries with before. They've benefited from our actual boundaries. So they of course, are having an a negative reaction that suddenly what is this boundary, right?

Like, what is the boundary that you're setting? So I would say that that's probably the hardest way or the hardest place to set boundaries are when we are. It's the first time, it's the first time that we're setting boundaries with a certain person. I would say the second really tough one is when you are dealing with somebody who routinely buffs through boundaries.

So toxic relationships are really difficult because as it is, it's already difficult to set the boundary. But then of course, if you have somebody who's constantly pushing back on the boundary, it's exhausting. It can be exhausting to keep resetting.

[:

To set them. Yeah, that's true.

[:

Wow. What great advice.

[:

Are you or is anyone you know stuck carrying the life numbing, emotional baggage after your. I call this the divorce hangover. Whether you are newly divorced or divorced many years ago, this happens. Do you want more? Want to feel happy, worthy, confident, and successful? Want to move on? Many women invest in attorneys and accountants, but ignore their emotional recovery.

Some because they don't feel like they. Others won't invest in themselves like we do for others, and others decide just to stuff their emotions and trudge through life. If this sounds like you or someone you know and you want more out of life, then my divorce recovery coaching program, maybe just the answer with one-on-one personal support.

We'll work together to cure your divorce hangover with a customized so, Join hundreds of women that have walked through divorce with me to the other side. Schedule a free confidential divorce recovery breakthrough session to learn more and say yes to thriving for your lifetime. The link to schedule this session will be in the show notes.

Now let's get back to the show and we're. Kamini, what steps would you give to women in our audience to help them let go of difficult situations?

[:

We are so busy taking care of other people that we forget what our own needs are. Right? So the very first thing is, what do I. We're not even talking about wants and desires right now. We're talking about needs. That's number one. Number two is check in with where you might need to set boundaries. Okay, we just talked about that a few minutes ago.

It. Absolutely. That's the next thing is what boundaries do I need to set, and then it's be really kind and compassionate with yourself as you start to let go. Allow the feelings that you have to come to the, you know, allow them in, become aware of what they are, respect them. Don't try to overanalyze them.

Allow the feelings to emote what they need to emote, right? Emo dealings and emotions are energy and motion. They're here, they're data packets. Their information, allow them to tell you what you need and allow them to give you that information and work. As you do that, you will start to give yourself permission to let go and move on.

[:

[:

I think more, more so than gender. Like I do think that it probably skis a little. To the female side, but I would say even more than gender, it's about how we internalize the meaning we make of things and, and how we show up in relationships that can contribute to whether or not it's easy or difficult to let go.

[:

[:

And oftentimes that's when gaslighting comes into play, right? When we can't let go of like a toxic relationship, we start gaslighting ourselves. And from that place, Our empowerment, our ability to recognize who we are as people starts to diminish, diminish, diminish, diminish until eventually we don't actually believe in our own worth or believe in our own selves.

So without letting go, we're actually slowly eroding our ability to stand up and, and use our voice and state what it is that we want and need, and move ourselves forward.

[:

[:

I would say more support from the cultural standpoint. And what I mean by that is growing. As a young Indian girl in Connecticut, which was predominantly, you know, white, Anglo there was a lot of feelings of being isolated. So if I had had the ability to have a little more cultural support around just normalizing the fact that I was slightly quote different, that would've helped I think going, you know, just building that self-esteem.

However, I say that with the caveat that that wasn't the case. What I did actually experience helped me become who I am today. So I also don't, I, I don't regret any of it either.

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

You're amazing and I love being here with you. And then second of all, I really would just love to share with your listeners that giving yourself permission to let go of things that are no longer serving you, while it can be scary, can also be the most empowering step that you take.

[:

Come. Thank you so much for being my guest. And to the audience. All of Kamini's information will be available in the show notes along with mine. Please connect with Kamini to learn more and to get where she describes. We need insight, willingness, and strength. I believe that we need both outside and inside strength to come together to make our empowerment journey complete.

Thank you for being with Kamini and me on this episode of Self, her Self Express. I hope you can see the direct connection between letting go and empowerment. I love connecting you with incredible women that can provide actionable steps for you to take on your journey. You can find our podcast on Apple, Spotify, p Dolo, and more.

Please download the episode and share it with your friends. The more women re we reach, the more interesting topics and more impactful guests we can. . Remember, the more you express yourself, the better you feel. Self-expression doesn't have to be a mystery. It's your key to navigating self-empowerment both inside and, but most importantly, you don't have to go through it alone.

I've been through painful life changes and my own empowerment journey to get to the other side with experience to guide you no matter where you are in your journey. I'm here. Thank you and take care. Thank

[:

[:

Once there, you're going to want to take our quiz to see where you stand right now on your journey to self-expression. If you have any questions or would like to share your thoughts with Beverly and other like-minded women, join our Facebook group, the Her Self-Expression Sisterhood. Invite your friends too when you download and subscribe to our podcast on Apple, Spotify, or other podcast services.

Be sure to leave us a review and tell your friends to download it too so we can continue to help others. You can also subscribe to our YouTube channel and. Self-expression doesn't have to be a mystery. It's your key to confidence and self-empowerment, both inside and out. But most importantly, remember that you don't have to do it alone.

Visit www dot her self-expression dot com and join us today.

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube