Good morning, Five Minute Families! As we work backwards through life in our Begin with the End in Mind series, we come to the end of working years. Many people refer to this time as retirement. Retirement is defined as “the action or fact of leaving one's job and ceasing to work” or “withdrawal from one’s active working life.” The reality is that if you retired or plan to retire at age 62, which is the US average, then you have another 16 years of doing nothing if you live until 78, again the national average. Now, a couple of years ago, most of us would have said that 16 years of doing nothing sounds pretty good, but we have seen on a global scale what happens when folks do nothing for prolonged periods of time. Mental health complications rise, and physical ailments rise as well - well, with the exception of pre-term labor, but that is a different topic for a different day.
A few years ago at a conference many of the speakers and counselors recommended redirection instead of retirement. A great example is Jim’s mom. She retired after more than 40 years of hard work, and then out of a need for routine and getting moving, she joined the YMCA. From there, she was hired and then spent the last 16 years teaching swim classes for seniors. She didn’t think about redirection in a formal way, but she knew herself and she knew that she needed to keep moving for her own well-being. Job 12:12 reminds us that “[w]isdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” Many of the younger generation could learn much from my mother-in-law, me included.
Unfortunately, we don’t live close enough to my mom to include her in every day events, but I wish we did so that our sons had more of her influence their lives. Thankfully, we moved while our boys were still young and that move brought us significantly closer to Kim’s family. Each member of the older generation realizes just how true 1Corinthians 7:29 is - “the time is limited.” One gentleman in his 80s who came to CVR for a grief retreat after the death of his wife is exploring the option of hosting a Family Camp for his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. He wants an intentional time of sharing God’s truth with his family while providing a fun and refreshing weekend for them all. As God says in Malachi 4:6, “He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents.”
Five-minute families, we must be intentional about incorporating all generations in our lives. For the older generation, we suggest that you:
Choose to engage even if you feel left out. We know families that assume if grandma and grandpa want to be included they will ask about upcoming events, but grandparents often lose track of time so that events and what events are typical for certain stages of life don’t necessarily jump out to them. It takes both the older generation asking to be informed of events and the younger generation - the parent generation - communicating the calendar.
Remember, don’t retire but redirect. You’ll have a greater life expectancy - one study showed that those with more social ties tend to live longer regardless of other factors, and a higher quality of life at that. As well as you get to impact the next generation. Hebrews 13:16 states, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” Share your wisdom and joy.
And, also, please volunteer at church - Sunday school and youth events. I loved hearing of the seniors of our church hosting a youth night and playing games with the teens of our church. Take to heart Psalm 92:12-14: “The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green.”
For the younger generation, we encourage you to:
Get grandma and grandpa more involved. It can be frustrating when grandma and grandpa spoil the grandchildren a bit, but pick your battles. Absolutely, say something if the child’s health - physical or mental - is at risk, but if you are just wishing the grandparents didn’t give in as much, let it go. Those few frustrating moments are a small price to pay for the wealth of love, acceptance, and exposure to a different generation and way of thinking.
And, for those of you who are far from the older generation members of your family, please seek out the older generation at church. Let them inspire you and share their wisdom with you and your children. Encourage your children to seek out the smiles and wisdom of the older generation.
Remember, we are to love one another and bear one another’s burdens. Those needs are different at different life stages, but we can begin with the end in mind and know that just as we want to be included, we must include others - some who are young and need an understanding smile and some who are older, able to share their wisdom and experience; we are all important. Be blessed.
