"The narcissist is a product of a culture with no great mother, with spoiled white men creating the rules." - Sarah Durham Wilson
How is Narcissism related to Patriarchy?
The journey from maiden to mother with Sarah Durham Wilson
“EVERYTHING UP TO 40 YEARS IS PRACTICE.” Carol Jung
How narcissism of the deep toxic patriarchy and colonialism is steeped in every fiber of existence. From our childhood wounds, mother wound, love relationship and how we love ourselves. How to rise up and evolve is to shift from the immature child (maiden) and transform into the self sufficient unconditionally loving Mother archetype.
Today I share a conversation with Sarah Durham Wilson
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She began practicing the Art of Teaching in 2011, landing even more deeply in the teacher seat in 2020, during her midlife crisis at 42.
As a teacher and passage work facilitator of the Mother Work, or Feminine Maturity work.
THIS IS THE PLACE THROUGH WHICH I GUIDE WOMEN — TO FIND THEIR MOTHER RIVER.
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96. How is Narcissism related to Patriarchy? The journey from maiden to mother with Sarah Durham Wilson
Welcome to the empath and the narcissist podcast. Where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse.
. I am your host, Raven Scott, your go-to narcissist abuse recovery coach.
This is episode
How is narcissism related to patriarchy? The journey from maiden to mother with Sarah Durham, Wilson. The author of maiden to mother[:
It is not a substitute for professional therapy.
If you are enjoying this podcast, subscribe. And leave a rate and review[:
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This episode is sponsored by better help. I numbed myself to stop the pain and I reached out to friends for. But it wasn't until I gained courage to leave and seek therapy that my dark abyss of hopelessness finally started to let in the light I was so longing for.
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I learned that I wasn't the selfish, lesser person. My ex convinced me I was in my therapy. I was able to get affirmation that I was truly being emotionally and sexually abused. That alone allowed me to release my trauma and grow into the strong coach and mentor that I am today, but I didn't just gain that alone in therapy.
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You are in for another treat today? I have an amazing guest on the podcast. Sarah Durham, Wilson. She is the author of Maiden to Mother, and I actually listened to the book on audible and said, I have to have her on. This was a life transformational book, a read. That really shifted my perspective and was something that I intuitively.
Wished to do for a while. , and just thought I was kind of being a little silly and then I read it and it should just confirmed. Yes. I need to shift. Out of my maidenhood and into my mother archetype. .ticing the art of teaching in:
This is the place through which I guide women to find their mother river. My mother river is my daughter, the children. My health and the health of the earth. You can find her book on audible, Amazon and her website is. The mother spirit.com. She is amazing. You are in for a treat. She is also a character. So I'm really excited to share with you the conversation I had with Sarah.
Just to give you a heads up. There was a beautiful dog. Wanting to express themself in the episode, in the background for just a bit. Um, so I am aware of that. I took out as many wolf's as i could
And without further ado, let's dive in to the conversation.[:
this[: [: [: [:
It's in my natal chart, so I embrace re reassessing, reevaluating all the time.[: [: [: [: [: [: [:
book? How did you figure that out in the book? Like how did that, how did the book help you recognize that? In some ways you were still identifying, even though you were doing the. You were identifying
And I realized I am still that maiden. I am still that little child. And as much as I have done all this like mental work of separating myself from them and like owning my own, like I am a mother of children, like on the exterior in this 3D world. I still wasn't truly like owning my mother archetype. I was still in that like hurt maiden archetype.ons of like what the maiden, [: [: [: [:
Hey, empaths wanted to take a break and ask if these phrases sound familiar to you. I didn't say that you're too sensitive. No one will ever believe you.
If these phrases are. Familiar and you may be dealing with a narcissist
my book empath and the narcissist. Is for you. How to overcome narcissistic abuse and recover from PTSD, codependency, gaslighting, and manipulation. If you wish to feel alive again, take back the power in your life.
And newsflash, you can listen to my book on audible. Then go to www dot Raven, Scott. Dot Show forward slash empath and the narcissist[:
Guided meditations for healing spiritual rituals to release your inner warrior goddess and emotional strengthening practices so you can leave to stay away and live your life free as your soul desires.
Now, back to the show.[:
Um, and so I always, you know, With things like the frustration with your parents. It's like, for me, what I tell my students is like my own frustration with say, my father. Um, like there's a lot of pieces that you brought up, but one is like, we think, I think of people like stores, right? And so there, so like picture, my dad's like an old rustic.
Um, we, we live, we live on Martha's Vineyard. I just left Martha's Vineyard, but like, you know, Beachy an old rustic beach. General story, you know? And it's got what it's got. It's had the same things on the goddamn shelves. It's whole mother fucking rusty, old, beautiful beach, always. Their life. Does it sell?
I'm proud of you. Nope. Never has. Does it sell intimacy? Never been on the shelves. Who's the crazy one that keeps going into the store being like, Do you have. And they're like, Ma'am, you came in here for this yesterday and the day before that and for the last 43 years and we told you we don't
sell it.[: [: [: [:
I'm so in love with you. You're such a wonderful human. You're doing such a wonderful job. I'm just so excited for the world of these gifts you're bringing. You know,[: [: [: [: [: [:
And you know, she's five. Wow. But if you never initiate into what is my service to my community, what is my rent on the planet? How am I here to give my individual skill to this community and then receive back in reciprocity instead? You keep going. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. And, and you over everyone else, right?
And so there's this, these reactive defensive children that literally are, they're so. Hurt and insecure. And, you know, with this most deepest, un belonging, infantile, um, need for overinflation of who they are. And this, you know, it's, I mean, they're very dangerous emotionally, but they are products of an un, of a culture with no great mother, with spoiled white men creating the rules of this
culture. You know, and, and the women are just, , because patriarchy has no gender. You know, we would love to say it's just men, but holy fuck. My first ever narcissist was a spiritual yoga teacher,[: [:
not what she did,[: [:
And you do this bad, and I hold all your wounds because I love bombed you through the beginning. So I have all your shit that I can be like, I have this contraband, so you can't say anything or leave. I have this come, you know, and then. Stuck in it, so I know how that goes. They're just, they've never done any decolonization work.
They've never done any anti-racist work. They've never done any therapy. God, God help[:
forbid, therapy. Right.[:
they need a therapist?[: [:
And they were my type.[: [:
fuck type. And until I went in and looked at my inner masculine, it was, they were always reflections of that. It was like, really? Brody in here? Tons of misogyny, tons of objectification of women, tons of ageism, you know? So until I cleaned him up, because I kept collecting these gorgeous on the outside, disgusting on the inside dudes.
Um, I had to do the work and now I'm. I don't, they are not in my field. And if I sense one, I'm like, You're disgust. Like, I'm like, I'm out. I care that you, I know you're good in bed. I can see it all over you. that's the only thing you are good for, nothing else is worth it.I feel [: [: [:
Um, I would fall in love anyway and think I could heal them if
I slept with them.[:
So it's like this battle of wills between the two of you.[:
spiritual exceptionalism, I think.[: [:
all these words are saying, I got out of that with my life. But you're going, Oh, not me. This is true love.[:
And never used again. And he was like, foreshadowing. And it's like the same thing. You know, everyone's saying, This person's bad, he's selfish, she's horrible. Or you just see the wake of all their relationships, but you ignore it. And you're like, No, I'm going to be different. I'm going to be better. And then in the after the experience, you realize, It's not, it's the same thing.
And his juicer is sitting on his fridge after the first time and he's like, $10 a juice bottle. That's the deal. Cause it's like how much work is it is to To juice. Fresh fruit into juice. So much work.[:
for, but um,[: [:
And if only everyone could see, they would be famous and they should be president and they should be mayor. And people are so stupid they don't see how smart they are and, you know, and so it's like, and so the funny thing to me is having been a specialist in narcissists, , I recognize that. These guys , the more they declare how different and smart they are, you know, they really are all the same.
And, what irony to these men who talk about. You know what geniuses they are because they actually are all the exact same, which is like probably a big piece of the wound of why they have to pretend, claim all this. Um, and also falling. And then, you know, we can say arrogance or we can say naivete.For this is gonna [:
Stage three, denial. Stage three. You know, like we all[: [:
together, you[: [: [: [: [: [:
she can find some clarity in her place is is really helpful.[: a collective moving forward [: [:
I looked, we all have degrees of it. And like the huge work for me was expelling a ton of that disgusting shit. You know, And I'll always be catching it, you know, I mean, decolonization, derealization of all these traits is, is a lifelong
unraveling, right?[: [:
We can work with them. It's when they don't fucking have that, that it's like, alright,
no contact. No contact has saved my
life.[: [: [: [:
and. It was always just
about them,[: [:
they can say, I'm hurt, but they don't give a shit if they hurt you.[:
Through you, right? It's gonna be through your boundaries. It's going to be through you not putting up with it and them realizing that they need to change. And if they don't in the end, then they never were going to change. But you know, you can't stay and fix them. You can't stay and heal them. That's just not how it's gonna happen cuz you are there crutch to never change or grow or heal their inner wound.[:
I'm not happy, blah, blah, blah. They're like, Oh, that's all your fault. And you can either, The only way you can stay is if you like, apologize to me for saying any of that and take it all back and you really hurt me, but it's okay. you
can stay. And suddenly you're like, What The[:
it, you're like, You're right. I probably was too hard on
Oh I shouldn't have gotten[:
right. I'm such a bitch. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Yeah,[: [: [: [:
Woman this like, you know, Mama wolf, playful sensual person that I've embodied, you know, Um, and through the mother work. But then here's all that's on the left side of my body. What about the right side of my body with all that gnarly masculine that keeps attract? So I'm attracting like friends that are like queen warriors, like, you know, or like we're here from the past to save the planet.
And then I'm tracking kids that are like, Fuck women, men, fuck my mother, who cares about the earth? And I'm like, there's a real discrepancy between the women and the men. So what about my inner masculine? Get in there and it's like, Oh, this guy is created by a patriarchal culture. So women are objects.
Fuck your mom. Who cares about the earth? Tough guy's rule. Don't share your feelings, you know, all this stuff. Get the hottest woman, not the w you know, who cares about what's on the insides, All about the outside. So that's like all going on in there from a, a fatherless childhood as well with what's the masculine, not, it's not in here.
I better look on the outside for it. , the outside is giving me really toxic messages of what it is. So through my work, healing that inner masculine where I have this like healthy protector, you know, um, like a real night, like a valiant man in there. So now there's a resonance of like, when I look at men, I look, I look right in the eyes and we like nod.
I'm like, my inner masculine is like seize yourgoodness. And [: [:
as much as whatever is outside telling you that it's not, it is
because how you, , relate to yourself on the inside, how you carry yourself, that's number one, could get you in trouble with being sucked in to by narcissist.
Number two, it can be the way that you repel them.[:
You know, just like I'm in the field now and they like, they're good men that are like walking their daughters. They do the drop off. No one claps for them. They don't want it, you know, eye to eye. Like I can as easily
dress my daughter in this pink situation and bring her fluffy teddy to school and now I'm about to go chop down some trees and build a
house with my hands.
balance I. We wildly feminine and very sternly masculine. They have that as well. So it's the wholeness.
balance and hold.[: [:
love it. Yeah. And how in the world. .Do you think that we can, Maybe this is the same answer, but maybe it's a little different. Stop perpetuating that familial curse
of perpetuating narcissism since it's so much in our culture.[: [:
That's the answer.[: [: [:
Where we all share our gifts and reciprocity and we can rest and be regenerative. And when you get back to a place of community, you're in real relationship. And real relationship doesn't allow for that darkness because love brings it up. It's true. Mirror mirroring. A narcissist can't look in a mirror.
That's why they get rid of you. The minute they see you, you see them.[: [:
The answer to how to heal narcism is your house is eradicate the patriarchy in your house. Come back to communal relationships, Come back to intimacy, Come back to truth. Cause those men just play games and they're just trying to play human, but they have no idea what
they're doing.[: [:
You know, those are our last relationships that weren't based on anything. But like cuz Bell Hooks talks about in patriarchal households, we didn't know what love was. It was power, it was control, it was abuse, and that's what it is to narcissists. So we're asking ourselves what is true love? And we know now the good news is we have great evidence that it is not, that, It is the opposite of that.now, they're about what's on [:
We're about how we are together. We're about what's on the inside. So this is how we unravel from it. We have now firmly said no, but what's the solution? I'm all about immaturity, so let's, we can talk all we want about it and complain about it. But what are the fucking solutions[: [: [:
Like even down to our bodies as females. I had this one guest like hoping to get on the podcast where she's talking about how like that it has totally taken over. Like child. and birth control all in itself. Like the signs of all[: [:
like how to[: [: [:
over the mother every time.[:
over the mother every time. Yeah. And it's, it's everywhere. It's, it's, and all of our systems. But it can't, It's like, um, that movie in
Canto. Yeah. Not in your system. Yeah. It's not yourIt's not in your system [: [:
that. That doesn't serve me, is everything this culture has embedded in me, which serves me my great mother energy, right? Which serves all is my great mother energy, the lover, the warrior, the queen, you know, the regenerative lover.
So leave anything that you know, in patriarchy and narcissism, binary love. They hold it, they hoard it, they use it as punishment. They use, you know, and it's like love is free[: [:
that's not love, right?
So in Maiden, I sought love everywhere outside. In Mother, I became it[: [: [: [: [:
and that's what I've experienced after reading your book, it's
like I've been able to shift from the maiden to the mother and realizing like, someone doesn't reach out to me when I expect them to. That's fine, That's them. Whatever, you know, I, I'm gonna go find it within myself.
got.[: [: [:
It's like you went to the same damn store that has turned you away
every day of your life[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:
and I'm like, Okay, I'm ready. Bring[: [:
That's amazing. That's really, that all sums it up. I have no other further questions cuz that really is the crux of it. That's the root.
Thank you so much everyone. You need to go grab Sarah's book Maiden To Mother. I listen to an audible if you love to listen since you're already listening to a podcast. She's got that available. And where else, um, do you like to hang out with people and talk to them?[:
Um, and we have a teacher training starting in a month. And, , if you're as spy as me and you wanna be a part of feeling like.
This, you're part of the solution. check us out. We'd love to have you.[:
are there. The links are there.[: [:
your energy this is the month of October Domestic Violence Awareness Month,domestic violence hotline is:
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End the suffering now.
If you are enjoying this podcast, subscribe. And leave a rate and review[:
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See you next episode.a out that you can't do with [:
Thought therapy and talk therapy and all the things. So. Reach out to her and A free 30 minute consultation to see if That can help you.