In this episode of the Wealth Witches Podcast, host Katelyn Magnuson offers an intimate look into her relationship with her husband, exploring how they’ve cultivated a balanced and supportive partnership. She reflects on lessons from her early marriage, where unequal dynamics led to emotional burnout, and explains how she consciously avoided creating a similar “parenting relationship” with her current partner. Through candid storytelling, Katelyn reveals how mutual respect, autonomy, and clear communication have been essential to their success.

Katelyn also opens up about the challenges of managing household duties, finances, and mental load while running a business. She shares practical strategies for dividing responsibilities, breaking away from societal norms, and embracing each other’s strengths. Additionally, Katelyn emphasizes the importance of solo travel, personal boundaries, and regular self-care practices to stay energized and present in both her personal and professional life.

If you’ve ever struggled with balancing love, money, and domestic responsibilities, this episode provides relatable insights and actionable inspiration to create a fulfilling and equitable partnership.

Key Takeaways

• Open communication is key to balancing relationships and responsibilities.
• Mutual respect and autonomy create a healthier partnership dynamic.
• Breaking away from traditional gender roles fosters equality and personal growth.
• Self-care and solo travel are essential for maintaining emotional well-being.
• Sharing mental and domestic labor strengthens both partners and prevents burnout.

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Music credit: Neon Fairies by Wolves 

Hello, and welcome magical creatures to the Wealth Witches podcast.

This is a place where we brew financial empowerment and mix in a little sprinkle

of magic. I'm Caitlin Magnuson, your guide on this enchanted

journey to financial enlightenment. Here, we honor all identities and

invoke our inner witches to create holistic wealth and prosperity. So

grab your crystals, open your minds, and let's get ready to conjure some

financial clarity clarity.

I'm really excited for this topic today, and

I hope someday to be able to have this particular guest

on. But in the meantime, I am going to be sharing a

little bit, behind the scenes of my partnership,

my relationship with my husband. So a lot of

you know that he's an employee at the accounting firm that I

run. We have been married since

2016, together since 2012, and

he's not comfortable at this point in time podcasting, but he is comfortable,

having me chat about him and, to all

of you who may be listening. And I wanted to it feels a little

bit conceded at times or self

absorbed to be chatting this. And this isn't for me to say, you

know, hey. Our relationship is this amazing purse like, perfect

pinnacle of what relationships can look like.

But for a lot of the people that

I work with or people that I see, especially in the online

space, I do think that

sharing candidly about your relationship and how and

sort of lifting the the curtain or the veil about how things

work can be really helpful. I know that I have

followed other people, other creators, and being able to see how

all of that happened was really beneficial for me. So this is

again, everything is financially related at the end of the day,

but this is a really personal deep dive. And this may end up being a

few different episodes or I may come back to certain areas because there's there's a

lot. It's been almost 14 years now at the time

of this recording, and I wanna process this by

saying that this is my second marriage. I was married and

divorced at a really early age. I was divorced, I think, by the time I

was 21. I met David when I was 22,

and not looking at all for a serious relationship.

And it's been such an interesting evolution to see I'm now

33. He's 38. And to see where

we've come and how different things are from when we got together and some of

the things that I've noted about all of that.

So number 1, when we first started

dating, I was making less than him. I was working in a soul

sucking job, which I may or may not go into later. Actually,

the the job was, a cult, and I

ended up leaving. My ex husband actually still, I think, worked

for them, which, again, wild, wild story for another

day. But I met my husband, and he

had he was working, making, I don't know, I think 40 ish

thousand. I was making 27,000 at the time. And

within about 6 months of dating, I had left that employer,

moved to a much more lucrative position, started making more than him. And

so outside of those first 6 months of our relationship, I have

made more than my spouse, which

he is someone that comes from a much more traditional

background. And he's never had a problem with

it, but it was a lot of my own limiting beliefs around things. And so

just to give you some background, my parents have

never had super gendered roles in raising

us as children. My mom's a a nurse. My dad was an

electrician, and that they really worked their schedules so that they could

be around for us. Both of them are capable of cooking. Both of them are

capable capable of cleaning. Both of them were capable of taking care of both my

sister and I growing up. There are some other things in their

relationship that I didn't want modeled for my own relationship moving forward

that I'm but, again, may or may not talk about in this episode or in

the future. And I think seeing

that and seeing a household that was modeled

around who was available, who was able, and regardless,

both of my parents were capable of doing what needed needed to be done, including

paying the bills. And my nana, my dad's mom, years years

ago, had made some passing comment to me that she

wasn't ever sure either if her 2 boys were going to be married. So they

knew how to mend their socks. They knew how to cook for themselves. They knew

how to iron. They knew how to clean. They knew the basics that,

in my opinion, I think regardless of gender, so many people should know how to

do. Whether you do get married or not, whether you consciously partner,

whether you decide to be consciously single or

unconsciously single. Again, knowing how

to be self sufficient to an extent, whether you choose

to utilize that or not, it'd be really beneficial. And so growing up, it was

just my sister and myself. And, you know, we know how to mow the

lawn. We helped with firewood. Like, it didn't matter

what the chore was. We were involved

in it. And I think that that gave me a a much more

diverse skill set. And

my after my divorce with my ex husband and realizing

that I had essentially married someone that

who wasn't a bad human, but it was

a parenting relationship. I ended up becoming someone's

parent, becoming someone's mother, which I feel like I see happening a

lot, especially in heterosexual relationships and marriages.

And this isn't, you know, to bash on men. This isn't to like, none of

this is meant to do that. It's just not what I wanted.

I couldn't respect, and I didn't want for the rest of

my life, someone that I had to tell when they could spend money,

someone that I had to ask to clean or to do a chore or to

do something or to contribute to the house. And the chore load and

the mental load, and I that's the whole point, is I

was shouldering this mental load. He

was working 40 or 45 hours a week. I was going to school.

I finished college during the time that we were together. I was working 3 jobs,

60 to 70 hours a week. And, yes, we bought a house, and

we did all these things that, you know, we were supposed to do, including getting

married. And then I realized that I had continued to change

and evolve, and what had worked for me when I was 18 or 19 was

not working for me at 21 and was not working for me when I look

towards my future. And so during that time, we had a

conversation, and I had told him that, you know, I don't think that this

is something that's compatible in the long run. He ended up agreeing with me. It

was one of the most amicable divorces that I could have seen.

But so much of what I took away from that was

it wasn't a marriage that showed me what I wanted. It was a marriage or

a relationship that showed me exactly what I didn't want. And

because of that, showed me what I valued, what I was looking for.

And the cue meeting David at some point in time

after that and

not really allowing myself to

step into who I am now. We started dating when

I was 22. He was 26. And

it's been so interesting for me because

he has never said, no. You can't do this. No. You can't do that, or

tried to manage what was acceptable for me as

my role. There was so much that I think I'd been conditioned

to or, like, whether societally or other things. And so

for me, going and traveling by myself or going

and having a solo day, which those of you that know me

know I'm really introverted. And so for me, being able to take time to

recharge and have a day where I just I

don't have to socialize. I can go sit at a coffee shop with my headphones

in, and I can do some work. I can go to the plant shop. I

can go get a massage or a facial or go do something that's just

fun for me. I didn't let myself do a lot of

those things because I didn't know

I didn't know how he would react, and I didn't feel that I

could carve out time for myself. It felt selfish. It

felt self serving. And I'd say around 25 or

26, I started realizing that

it was not only in my best interest, but in everyone else's best interest around

me for me to prioritize myself. And I think that there was I'm gonna

butcher the quote, but there's something along the lines of, like,

you know, everyone will always say, like, you can't pour from an empty cup. Well,

that to me means that you're you

need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of those around

you or so that you can be your best self for those around you

rather than you deserve to take care

of yourself and to be a priority for yourself. Not because of your

value, your worth, or anything else that you can provide to other people, but

simply because you're human being and you're deserving of that.

And there was there was another one, I think, that was something along the lines

of, like, you're the only person that will be with you for your

entire lifetime, and you're the best

person to prioritize your well-being, again,

along those lines. And in thinking about that,

it it took a while to really sink in and realize that

never once did my partner at the time, soon to be spouse kind of around

that time, give me shit or tell me I couldn't

do something or why why are you actually like, I've always

had this level of independence and respect that I have

always tried to reciprocate back. And it's been really

phenomenal, especially the last few years. But so much of it was

me being comfortable taking the next move. You know, he didn't necessarily

realize what I needed. He's not in my head all day. And as much as

I want him to be omniscient and telepathic and know

exactly what's going on, it's on me to figure that out. It's on me to

be able to communicate that just like it's on him to do the same thing

for his needs and wants. And, you know, you can only anticipate so

much. And so a lot of what has been going on since probably

about 2017, 2018 is us communicating

and figuring out what works, what makes us happiest.

And for me, that has looked like traveling by

myself about once, maybe twice a year. Normally, traveling internationally once.

Having the kind of relationship where I

feel absolutely fully supported in what I do with work.

I am able to focus on

the business, and he holds down the

house. He makes sure everything's in working order. It's so

far be be beyond, like, a stay at home spouse. You know,

he's taking care of the dogs. He's taking care of the cats. He's, you

know, handling social plans. He's taking on so much of the

domestic labor that has traditionally been, you know, quote, woman's

work for so many years. And it hasn't always

been that way, but especially as I have gotten busier

and he had stepped away from a full time job that was in person where

he couldn't do a lot of these things. That's an area where we've had discussions,

and he's taken that on. He's taken the grocery shopping on, a lot of the

meal planning on. So the just so much of the mental and

domestic labor that allows me

to do what I do best.

And every now and then, you know, we'll have the conversation of, like,

how is this working? Like, are there you know, are you feeling like this is

equal and or equitable, I should say. And we're both at

the point where we both feel the other does more

than we do. And that was something I was chatting with my performance coach, I

don't know, a month or 2 ago. And when we were talking about it, there

are times that I feel really lazy. You know, he'll be splitting wood

or putting wood on the deck or, you know, doing dishes. And I'm sitting

on the couch watching a show or TikTok ing. And he

doesn't feel that I'm lazy at all because there are also times where he's hanging

out on the couch watching South Park or he's sleeping in the morning because he

doesn't sleep very well at night. And I'm doing computer

work, or I'm doing a house tour, or I'm letting the dogs out potty. And

there there's no resentment or feeling of laziness there because we each

feel that the other is, a, doing a bunch of tasks that we don't we

wouldn't want to do. You know, he doesn't wanna be stuck to a computer all

day. I'm capable of moving all the wood, but I really don't wanna be.

I have no desire to go fix the roof and, you know, do a lot

of the maintenance on the property or the house or all of that. And so

by having those conversations and being able to flex

overall work, chores, mental load,

it has made it one of the most

nourishing relationships, if not the most nourishing relationship in my

life to be able to have. And, yes, I could look at, you know, I'm

a better person when I'm supported that way. He's a better person. We've

grown. We've changed. We've evolved. All of that is absolutely true,

but I've gotten to the point now where I would not

tolerate. And I'm gonna give you a great example. I would not tolerate anything

less. I feel like I get treated like a princess. My goal is to make

sure that he feels the same way, whether it's a princess or, you know, prince

or whatever, someone that is valued in my life, because that's that's the

truth. We are both a valued

participant in this relationship. And one of the

examples that I gave, and I was feeling really I was

I was feeling the feels about it this week. So right now, he's in Tahoe,

on a ski trip. I just came back from Copenhagen. I got a

full sleeve tattoo. It was a 4 day sitting. I was gone for almost 3

weeks. I had a girl's trip. I had a friend from Austria come

visit me. Like, it was it was lovely. And David stayed home.

He watched the dogs. He cleaned the house. He moved snow. He

did other fun things as well, but he was here and he was being the

primary parent, we'll say, or the primary animal parent,

because we don't have human children. And I was gone for

3 weeks. He fully supports me being gone. There is no animosity.

If anything, things are a little bit easier for him because I go through a

lot of dishes, and I eat a lot of food. And there

there's just a level of input that's required when I'm around. And I have, you

know, food allergies and all sorts of things that he's able to, like, hungry man

TV dinner it or whatever. But before we left,

we made a joint grocery list. It's a shared notes

app. He puts whatever he wants on it. I put whatever I want on it.

And then, like, as a household, if we're out of something, one of us will

add it to that list. It's a collaborative effort, and he does the

majority of the grocery shopping. So, you know, we go run errands the morning that

I leave. He drops me off. And in the meantime, I

came home Monday night this week. It's I'm recording this on Sunday. I came home

Monday night, and he left Friday morning for

Tahoe. Not only did he go do all of

the grocery shopping before he picked me up, and he asked if there was anything

specific that I needed. And there are a few things that I put in there.

Like, I put the word snacks. And he was like, anything

more specific? I was like, just something. If you find something that you

think I'd like. And in the age of people

that get sent you know,

husbands that get sent to the store to go get the ingredients for pumpkin bars

and don't come back with pumpkin because they don't

know if they have pumpkin at home or just, you know,

weaponized incompetence has been like the buzzword of the last several years. But in

seeing so many prime examples of this happening, it

is refreshing and supportive to be able to have a relationship

where that's not the case, where we can have an open dialogue about it, where

one of us can share if we feel like the other is being unfair in

their expectations or unclear in their communications. And so

in the meantime, I come back. He knows that I'm gonna be jet lagged.

I have a bunch of things to get through Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday before he leaves,

work wise because I've been mostly out of the office for the time that I

was gone. And he picks up takeout.

He communicates that he's gonna be getting it so that dinner is covered, asks if

there's anything else that I need. He doesn't hear back from me. He asked if

I want a burger. I'm landing or getting my badge

or doing something. I don't see the message. And so by the time I see

it and I text him, it's too late. He's already gone. And so

I got out to the car, and he says, hey. I got you a burger.

I think I got the order right because it's a really specific order. And he

did. Order was correct. And he just assumed he's like, you'll

want food. Worst case scenario, it's leftovers. You can eat it tomorrow.

But that kind

of give a shit, hair, compassion to just,

like, there there's no anger that why didn't you answer? Well, I was getting my

bags. I was, you know, getting there's there's no explanation needed. It's just, hey. She

wasn't available to answer. Like, I think she's gonna wanna let's get it. We'll air

on the side of getting it rather than not. So then we get home, and

in the meantime, he's getting packed up for his trip. He's, you know,

making sure he has all of his gear. He loads up

the house with firewood because it is February. We live in the mountains. It is

cold here. He preps a bunch of meals

for me for while he's gone because he knows that I have a tendency, especially

when I'm busy, to not do the best job of taking care of myself,

especially when it comes to food. He makes sure that we have dog

food. We have cat food. We have all of their meds for the animals that

need meds. He checks that everything's in working

order. He does a once over on the house. He fills up all the

chicken feeders, waterers, oyster shells, you know,

everything that he can think of to front load before he leaves,

he does. And then he communicates with me exactly where my food

is, what I have. He reorganized the freezer so that he

knows let me know that I have, you know, this whole shelf in there

is me foods, Caitlin Foods, basically.

And that amount

of legwork, effort is just so appreciated. And, again, I didn't

ask him for any of it, but

it's just the bare minimum that shows up. And

so for me, I'm constantly trying to look at, like that's that's one of his

ways that he expresses love

or care is by taking care of

things like that, taking care of food, taking care of things around the house, making

sure that I'm not out of firewood, making sure that the cistern is

filled with water before he goes. Like, what are the things that he can be

doing? Making sure that the sheets are clean before I come home.

And all of those things are just so supportive and appreciated

even if not they're not the same way that I show that I care. And

so being able to see him for who he is

as well as feeling seen for who I am has been such an

interesting transition over the last 12 years.

And I just want those of you out there to know

that maybe are in a relationship that is

subpar or that you're doing the majority of the legwork, or that you're

doing the majority of the parenting, and

it's not being seen, it's not being heard.

There are people out there that

will see you, will hear you, will contribute, will

make you feel that you are both or we're all out

of you both feeling, like, we feel where we almost feel lazy compared to what

the other does. But it's because we're each communicating and working in the

areas that come easiest for us or

that we derive the most joy from doing.

And that single handedly

has allowed me to show up in business, to

show up for my team, to show up for our clients in the way

that I can. Because if I was in a

relationship where I needed to be doing the cooking, the cleaning,

all the domestic labor, like, everything that I that he's basically taken off

of my plate or taken the majority off of my plate,

I couldn't. I couldn't show up in the way that I am. I couldn't I

wouldn't have the energy that I needed. I wouldn't have the social energy,

and I couldn't be more

appreciative for the

relationship that we have built over the last 12 years. And I'm really

excited to see what the next additional 12 plus

years brings for what that evolution looks like. And I

encourage you to have the open communication

to make the changes to maybe if it's you're in a relationship, but

that's not the case, to make an exit plan, to

lay out your finances so that you can do that, to make sure that

you're taking care of yourself and that you are prioritizing yourself, and

it can start with baby steps. This started for

me probably in 2015, and

I started doing something as simple as, like, I had a massage once a month.

That was a nonnegotiable. And then once a quarter or so,

I'd go get facial or I'd go get acupuncture or I'd

go do something that took care of my physical body. And

then within a couple of years, it got to the point where about once a

quarter, and I still do this now. It's not a set date. But about once

a quarter, I have what we call an excellent lady day that I think we

got from The League, the TV show The League,

where it's just all of the things that I wanna do. I go by

myself. I go to town. I go to the plant shop. I go to the

coffee shop. I might go get myself a little treat somewhere. And

that for me is it's nourishing. It's taking care of myself.

I'm not meeting up with anyone. Same thing.

Solo traveling, like going to Copenhagen or going to Austria

or going to Spain or going to Mexico

allows me to recharge, reinvigorate,

and show back up most importantly for

myself, secondarily for my my

spouse, my clients, my family, my friends.

But I am my most important

asset, companion, friend, and

I want those around me to be their most important person

as well. That doesn't mean that you can't have compassion, that you can't care, that

you can't occasionally put other people's needs ahead of yours. But

I think it is really common for many people,

but especially a lot of women, to prioritize

those around them and their needs and

to derive value, praise, worth

from what they can provide for others rather than

feeling fulfilled and feeling at their

best for themselves. So I'm gonna leave you with

those parting thoughts. And like I said, we might

dive into some more of these topics at a later date and how things have

actually worked, but, and maybe one day we'll get David on here.

That's a wrap for this episode of the Wealth Witches podcast. I hope our

magical money talks have left you feeling empowered and inspired. Remember, wealth isn't just

about dollars in the bank. It's about abundance and financial freedom in all aspects of

your life. I'm Caitlin Magnuson encouraging you to keep challenging the status quo

and embrace your inner witch on this financial journey. Until next time,

stay magical.

Hey there, magical listener. Are you ready to take your financial to the next

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is monthly program where we dive even deeper into the cauldron of wealth

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