Restoring friendship after a tough patch in your marriage isn’t just a nice thought; it’s a must-do! We dive right into how many couples think they’ve crossed the finish line after going through restoration, but hey, that’s just the beginning! We’re sharing four super practical steps to help you and your partner rebuild that friendship that makes marriage not just bearable but genuinely fun again. It’s all about keeping that spark alive and remembering that you’re a team, not just co-managers of a household. So, buckle up as we explore how to turn your relationship back into a joy-filled partnership! Restoration isn't just a one-time event; it's a journey that needs a bit of elbow grease afterward. Once a couple has gone through the heavy lifting of forgiveness and recommitment, they might think the hard work is done. But hold your horses! Just because you survived the storm doesn’t mean you’re sailing smooth seas now. Many couples find themselves together but not really friends anymore, and that’s where things can get a little tricky. God didn’t just want you to stick it out; He designed marriage for friendship and joy. So, let’s chat about four practical steps to revive that friendship and make your marriage sparkle again. We’ll dive into how restoration opens doors, the importance of progress over perfection, and why intentionality is key in rebuilding your friendship. Get ready to rekindle that flame and enjoy each other like you did in the early days!

Takeaways:

• Restoration in marriage isn't the finish line, it's just the starting point for building friendship.
• Couples often think they're done after restoration, but rebuilding friendship is the real work ahead.
• Choosing progress over perfection is key; small daily steps lead to a stronger bond over time.
• Friendship doesn’t disappear overnight; it fades slowly, so rebuilding takes patience and intentionality.
• Create new memories together to strengthen your bond and move past old hurts.
• Remember, being best friends in marriage means enjoying each other's company and cherishing those small moments.

Links referenced in this episode:

• inspiringmarriages.net

We've been restored.

Now what?

We think that one of the biggest mistakes that couples can make happens after God restores.

They stopped rebuilding.

They survived the crisis.

They forgave each other.

They recommitted to their marriage.

And they think that the hard part is over.

We don't think it is because many.

Couples are still married, but they're not really friends anymore.

And we don't believe that's what God intended.

God didn't restore your marriage just so you could stay together.

He restored your marriage so you can enjoy one another again.

Today we want to show you four practical steps that can help you rebuild the friendship that makes marriage come alive.

Let's dive in.

Point number one.

Restoration opens the door.

It doesn't complete the journey.

So scriptures.

So Teresa in Philippians 1:6, in New King James Version, it says, being confident of this very thing.

He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

So when God restores something, he gives us an opportunity.

Is that right, Teresa?

That's so good.

Yes.

We have to remember that God does his part.

But then there's a part for us to play in that restoration continuing.

And it's going to have to take some rebuilding, isn't it, Jeff?

We have to embrace those opportunities.

Remember the Kingdom of Israel?

God delivered them out of Egypt in overnight.

It seemed like a moment, but it's like that day he delivered them from Egypt.

That's right.

But learning how to live as God's people took a lot longer.

It did.

They didn't know how to trust God.

It was amazing.

The same is true in marriage.

You may have forgiven each other.

You had.

Maybe you recommitted yourself to your marriage.

You may have experienced incredible healing.

We praise God for that.

Yes, praise God.

But healthy marriages are not built on one emotional moment.

They're built on thousands and thousands of intentional moments afterward.

That's so good.

Yes.

So Jeff is saying you can have a real breakthrough in your marriage, but that doesn't take care of everything.

There's going to have to be maintenance.

There's going to have to be learning to take steps that you haven't been taking before.

And it's a process.

Yeah.

One conversation won't rebuild years of distance.

One apology won't immediately create deep friendship.

One date night won't erase months or even years of neglect.

But don't become discouraged if everything doesn't feel.

Feel normal immediately.

That's right.

Growth takes time.

Friendship takes time.

Trust takes time.

And that's okay.

The important Thing is, you're moving in the right direction.

That's right.

Restoration gives you a new beginning.

Friendship gives that new beginning a future.

That's so good.

Yes, Jeff, I totally agree.

Point number two, choose progress over perfection.

In new King James version says, let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

That means you're going to have to stay encouraged about this on a daily basis.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is after restoration is expecting everything to change overnight.

Have you ever planted a garden, Teresa?

Have you ever planted a.

Planted a plant or.

Yeah, planted some plants.

Yeah.

Like in little pots.

You don't put the seeds in on Saturday.

Expect a plant on Sunday.

Those vegetables are not going to grow in one day, are they?

If you plan on Saturday, you're not eating tomatoes on Sunday.

No, you're not doing it.

Healthy things grow.

Relationships grow.

Some weeks you'll feel close.

Other weeks, life gets busy.

Sometimes you'll have wonderful conversations, and sometimes you'll misunderstand each other.

That's normal.

You don't judge your life by one difficult day.

That's so true.

You measure it by this overall driver direction.

Ask yourself, are we moving closer together?

Not are we perfect yet?

That's right.

Remember, God is patient with us.

We have to learn to be patient with each other.

Teresa, that's so good.

It sounds like an emotional check in, like we talked about before.

When you ask each other, are we feeling closer?

Is what we're doing helping us to feel closer?

Taking those little steps every day.

And some days you don't get to do it as intentionally as you want to.

But that's okay.

You know, you want to do better the next day.

That's one of the reasons we wrote our new book.

You're not losing love, you're losing time is all about redeeming time in your marriage, and it should be out soon.

So point number three, you have to start rebuilding your friendship intentionally.

Ecclesiastes 9.

Nine in the new King James version says, live joyfully with the wife whom you love.

Wow.

Friendship doesn't usually disappear overnight.

It slowly fades.

And because it faded slowly, it usually returns slow.

That's right.

That's why intentionality matters.

Teresa.

Yes, I love that.

That verse saying, you can live joyfully with your wife or with your husband.

So it's like love is a choice, and choosing joy is something you need to do every day.

That's being intentional, deciding we're going to be joyful in our marriage.

We're going to care for one another.

We're going to treat one another kindly.

We're going to be friendly to each other.

We're going to be forgiving.

Those are all choices.

That's right.

Start asking questions again.

Start laughing.

Together again.

Pray together again.

Go for walks.

Share meals.

Watch the sunset together.

Oh, yes.

Sit on the porch.

Take drives.

Talk about your dreams.

New about your spouse.

One of the habits that we learned many times is something simple.

Throughout the day, I would ask Teresa, how is Teresa doing?

Not just physically, not just what's on her schedule, but what was going on in her heart?

How was she feeling?

What was affecting her?

That simple question kept our friendship alive.

That's right.

It's the small moments repeated consistently that produce extraordinary results.

Great marriages aren't built by extraordinary days.

They're built by ordinary days lived intentionally.

That's right.

Point number four.

Focus on becoming best friends again.

Genesis 2:18 tells us in New King James, it is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make him a helper to comparable to him now.

The translation says a suitable for him.

Not just like my assistant.

Teresa just isn't my assistant.

But she comes alongside.

Yes.

And we're side by side.

And she's like military help.

We're stronger together.

It's not like she's my little assistant when I need something.

No, she's at my side.

She's my military help.

So this may surprise some people.

The goal is not to just avoid another argument.

The goal isn't just merely staying married.

The goal is enjoying the person God gave you, the one he is making you one with.

God didn't just create marriage to feel like roommates sharing responsibilities.

He created marriage for companionship.

Genesis tells us God said it's not good for the man to be alone.

Marriage was God's answer.

Not just to loneliness, but to companionship.

To friendship.

Yes.

To partnership.

Ask yourself today, when was the last time we truly enjoyed being together?

That's good.

Not because we had to.

Not because it was on a calendar.

Just because we simply enjoyed each other other's company.

And that is worth rebuilding.

Yes.

That's how you know that your marriage is moving in the right direction.

You're enjoying being together.

You're asking each other questions.

And you really like spending time together, no matter what it is that you're doing.

So let's review after restoration.

First, remember that restoration opens the door.

It doesn't finish the journey.

Second, choose progress instead of perfection.

Third, intentionally rebuild your friendship.

One small step.

4 On becoming best Friends again.

God designed marriage to be much Because God designed marriage to be much more than surviving.

He designed it to flourish.

Here's your challenge for the week.

Set aside 30 uninterrupted minutes with your spouse.

No telephones, no distractions.

Simply spend time together.

Ask questions.

Listen.

Laugh if you can.

Pray together before you finish.

Don't try to solve every problem.

Just begin rebuilding your friendship.

That's right.

Sometimes the next step isn't a big one.

It's simply spending intentional time together.

How do we build trust after your marriage has been restored?

We think one of the biggest misconceptions about marriage restoration is this People think trust comes back automatically.

It doesn't.

Forgiveness can happen in the moment.

Trust is usually rebuilt.

One choice, one conversation, one day at a time.

If your marriage has been restored when or you're praying that it will be, don't become discouraged if trust hasn't fully returned yet.

And that's normal.

Today, we want to share four practical ways couples can rebuild trust so their marriage doesn't just recover.

It becomes stronger than it was before.

Let's dive in.

Point number one.

Trust is earned through consistency.

One of the reasons trust is damaged is because consistency was lost.

Promises weren't kept.

Words didn't match actions.

Someone became unpredictable.

But trust grows when consistency returns.

Trust doesn't happen when someone just says, trust me.

It happens because day after day our actions become dependable again.

Yes, I heard a minister say recently that trust is not automatic.

Trust has to be earned.

And that means that we have to, day after day, show our spouse that we can be trusted.

Because in marriage, you're not just trusting each other with responsibilities or with raising kids.

You're trusting one another with the deepest parts of your life.

You're giving your heart to another person and trusting them.

They're not going to be intentionally harming you.

So that has to be earned.

When your spouse knows, if they said they'll call, if they promise something, they'll come through.

Yes.

If you.

If they apologize, then the behavior is changing.

Yes, trust slowly grows.

Wow.

There's something else important to remember.

People usually don't trust perfection.

They trust consistency.

Trust isn't built by convincing people you've changed.

It's rebuilt by demonstrating it consistently.

It has to be in the actions.

And of course, a real change of heart, too.

And you'll be able to tell if that's taking place with your spouse.

Don't Condemn them if it's taking some time, but let them keep working this out.

But like you said, it has to be seen in their actions.

Point number two, keep showing up.

Philippians 2:4 tells us, Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but.

Yeah, but also for the interest of others.

One, the greatest gifts that you can give your spouse is your presence.

Not just physically, emotionally.

That's right.

Spiritually, mentally.

Don't disappear into your phone.

Don't disappear into the tv.

Don't disappear into your iPad.

Don't disappear into your work.

Don't disappear into your hobbies.

Show up.

One of the greatest ways we learned to do this over the years was something very simple.

I would regularly ask, how is Teresa doing?

Not what needs to be done, not what's for dinner, not did you pay the bills?

But how are you that simple habit communicated.

I'm here.

I'm paying attention.

You matter.

Yes, yes.

Like you said, that's showing up emotionally, not just like you said, existing in the same house, but you're there emotionally and present and ready to listen.

That's a big thing in marriage.

Friendship grows where attention is given.

If you like one of our free resources, go on over to our website, inspiring marriages.net and there on the resource tabs, you will see links to all the available downloads that we have for free.

Just click on that link and you'll enter your email and you'll get that free download.

And feel free to get one or get them all.

You can have them.

Just go over to our website and you'll find our resources under resource tab.

Point number three.

Create new memories tells us, live joyfully with the wife whom you love.

One mistake that couples make continually is talking about the painful chapter.

Now, there are times when difficult conversations are necessary.

That's right.

Healing requires honesty.

But eventually your marriage needs new memories.

Go somewhere you've never been.

Go on a walk.

Laugh.

Cook something new together.

Try something new.

Celebrate the small victories.

That's good.

You can't erase the past, but you can write a better future one memory at a time.

Healthy marriages aren't built by living by yesterday.

They're built by creating tomorrow together.

So good.

I love that.

Not focusing on the painful things that have happened after you've had those difficult conversations.

Like you said, it's time to move on and start building for the future.

Build this wonderful new marriage that God has given back to you.

He's given you an opportunity to start over.

Basically, if things were really difficult.

So now, like Jeff said, create new Memories.

Go new places, try new things and enjoy your marriage again.

It's supposed to be such a sweet experience.

When it's a marriage that God has worked in and he's worked in both of your hearts, now you can really build for the future.

You can create those new memories and enjoy life together again.

Point number four Be patient with the process.

Says the US not grow weary while doing good.

Sometimes couples ask, how long is this going to take?

The honest answer is, it just depends.

Every marriage is different.

Every hurt is different.

Every journey is different.

Don't compare your marriage against someone else's timeline.

Instead, celebrate every step forward.

Every honest conversation, every apology, every prayer together, every act of kindness.

Celebrate every day of faithfulness.

Small victories eventually become strong marriages.

Here's your challenge for today.

Ask your spouse this question.

What's the one thing I could do consistently that would help you trust me even more?

And don't defend yourself.

Don't explain.

Don't give excuses.

Don't interrupt.

Simply listen.

Write it down and then begin doing it.

Yes, one small act of consistency can change the direction of a marriage that.

Really shows, not just intentional, but that you really want to do what will bless your spouse.

That's really a priority on your heart.

Like we were talking about, putting the needs of the other person ahead of your own.

That's so important.

So in summary, today we talked about the four practical ways rebuild trust.

Trust grows through consistency.

Keep showing up emotionally, create new memories together, and be patient with the process.

Trust isn't rebuilt by one grand gesture.

It's rebuilt by hundreds of faithful little ones.

How to become best friends Again in your marriage Can I ask you one question?

If someone asked your spouse today, who's your best friend?

Would your name come up in their mind first?

That's an important question because somewhere along the way, many couples stop being friends.

They become co workers raising children.

They become the managers of a household, their partners paying bills, their roommates sharing responsibilities.

But they stopped enjoying each other.

We don't believe that's God's design for marriage.

God didn't simply create marriage so that two people could live in the same house.

He created marriage so that you could share life together.

Today we want to share with you four biblical principles that will help you to become best friends again.

Let's dive in.

Point number one.

Friendship was God's idea.

In Genesis 2:18 in the New King James tells us, and the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone.

I will make him a helper comparable to him before there Was a family before there was children, before careers, there was companionship.

That's right.

Adam wasn't simply given a wife.

He was given someone to share life with, someone to walk beside him, someone to know and to be known by.

Marriage wasn't created for you to live in isolation.

That's so true.

Yes.

And God's design is still just as important today.

We don't want to look back at Adam and Eve and say it worked then until they made a serious mistake.

But God's design is still just as important today.

It has not changed.

His intention for marriage never changed.

It's just people changed the way they looked at marriage over many centuries of time.

So we want to use the scripture to base our framework for marriage on not just what man thinks or what you've heard.

So that's why it's so important to look at God's design and implement that into our marriages.

That's right.

And one of the reasons why friendship is so important because it reflects God's original design.

And when friendship begins to fade, marriage often begins to feel like work instead of a gift.

Marriage works best when husband and wife enjoy doing life together.

That's right.

Point number two.

Best friends stay curious about each other.

Philippians, chapter two, verse four In New King James says, let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

One characteristic of good friends is curiosity.

That's right.

They ask questions, they listen, they notice after decades of marriage if it's easy to assume that we know everything to know about our spouse.

But people continue to grow.

Their dreams change, challenges change, their interests change.

One simple habit that helped us over the years is regularly asking each other, how are you really doing?

Not because we don't know each other, because friendship keeps learning.

Don't stop becoming a student of your spouse.

That's right.

I think it's good to keep asking each other even simple questions like do you like this or do you not like it?

Is this your favorite food now?

Or just simple things about the day to day, Things that you might take for granted.

That's good to stay curious about anything concerning your spouse because like you said, we change over time.

His favorite food is probably not the same thing it was.

We were first married because we've grown to like new things, try new things and have new experiences.

You grow together and you keep learning about each other by asking questions.

That's one of the reasons we wrote our new book.

You're not losing love, you're losing time, which should Be out soon.

Point number three, make time for friendship.

Yes.

Ephesians, chapter five, verse 15 and 16 says, see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise.

Redeeming the time.

Friendship doesn't disappear because couples stop loving each other.

It usually disappears when life gets busy.

Exactly.

Work, children, church responsibilities, appointment schedules.

None of those things are wrong.

None of those things are evil.

But if we're not careful, they'll slowly crowd out relationship that matters most.

One of the things that we have emphasized during our ministry is this.

You may not be losing love, but you're losing time.

Friendship requires time.

And you can't rush meaningful conversations, can you?

Oh, you can't.

If it's, we can't talk now because I've got to go do this or can't talk now because kids need something.

That may be the case when life is busy.

But decide on some time you can talk together.

Get a mutual agreement about a time and a place where you can talk.

You can ask questions.

You can just be silly together or pray together.

Whatever it is that you need to do consistently that will help you so much not to lose time all the time, daily or weekly, because it really does add up.

It creates that distance that we've been talking about.

That's why it's so important to make sure you have daily connection.

Don't just give each other the time left over.

This is, I got five minutes before I'm asleep and that's when we have a deep conversation with, you know, give your.

Your spouse the better you, not just what's left over.

Quality time.

If you value your friendship, you'll protect the time for it.

The strongest marriage aren't built by finding extra time.

They're built by making time for what matters.

Point number four, never stop enjoying each other.

That's right.

Ecclesiastes 9.

9 And new King James Version says, live joyfully with the wife whom you love.

The we love that verse.

God doesn't simply tell us to remain married.

He calls us to live joyfully with each other.

That's right.

Joy isn't accidental.

You just don't accidentally fall into a joyful marriage.

It's cultivated.

Exactly.

You laugh together, you take walks together, you go on dates, you go on drives, you share a meal without distractions.

That's right.

You celebrate answered prayers.

Some of the sweetest moments in marriage aren't expensive vacation or major milestones.

They're ordinary evenings filled with conversation, laughter and gratitude.

That's so good.

That's friendship.

That's what God desires for marriage.

Yes, that's really where the closeness comes from.

Like you said, those moments, that time spent together and making time for your marriage, because that should be the priority.

These other things call for your attention and seem to get a lot of our attention sometimes.

But really the marriage has to be the priority.

It's God first and your spouse second, and then the children, then the work.

It's put things in the right priority and you can work on having a very happy and enjoyable marriage here.

Here's the challenge we have for you for this video.

Ask your spouse this question.

What is something that we used to enjoy doing together that we haven't done in a long time?

Then write them down.

Then choose one of those activities and put it on a calendar this week.

Don't wait for life to slow down.

No, friendship grows when you make it a priority.

Teresa.

Yes, that's so good.

Like you said, we prioritized friendship and prioritized time together before we were married.

And maybe it stayed that way for your first year or two.

But that should never fade.

It shouldn't change just because you've been married more years than a few years or 10 years.

It still needs to be.

The priority is continuing that sweet friendship.

We saw that friendship was God's idea from the beginning.

Best friends continue to learn about each other.

Friendship requires intentional time.

God calls husbands and wives to live joyfully with each other.

Marriage isn't just about staying together.

No, it's about sharing life together.

As we finish this week's series, A restored marriage is a wonderful gift.

Yes, it is.

A trusting marriage is a beautiful blessing.

But a marriage built on genuine friendship is one of God's sweetest designs.

Yes, it is.

After more than three decades of marriage, one lesson has become clearer to us than ever.

The happiest marriage aren't those that never face difficulties.

They're the ones where husband and wife never stop becoming best friends.

That's right.

We certainly have seen that.