Connection is something we seek from the time we are children.

Building friendships and finding connection is something that can seem harder as we get older, rather than easier. Yet, connection, community, and collaboration are things we all need.

Trish and Diane found commonality in their roles as leaders in the fire service. With less than 1% of women occupying the roles they are in, it was valuable to find someone else with this shared experience The two have built a solid connection over time, and in this episode reflect some on how they have cultivated and found value in this relationship. They also touch on the journey of a leader and the importance of the community you create that can help to hold you up when times are challenging. They touch on some leaders they look up to, share some challenging experiences they have been through, and share the ways they have grown. Trish says it best, she is a ‘perfectly imperfect’ leader, and the most important ingredient is to always be authentic and embrace the uniqueness that you bring to the table and to the position.

Trish Connolly lives in Bend, Oregon, with her husband, son, and highly anxious dog- Duncan. She loves all outdoor activities, including mountain hikes, snowboarding, and mountain biking. She is a yogi, book club advocate, and inspiring meditator.

Trish works at Bend Fire & Rescue and has been with her department for 22 years. She was the first female firefighter hired at her department and now holds the rank of Deputy Chief.

The best way to connect with Trish is on Linked In:

https://linkedin.com/in/trish-connolly-a7337353

How to connect with Diane:

www.thefireinsideher.com 

Diane@Thefireinsideher.com 

Instagram @TheRealFireInHer 

Linked In -  www.linkedin.com/in/dianeschroeder5/

Are you excited to get your copy of the Self Care Audio download that Diane mentioned?

You can get that HERE - TheFireInsideHer.com/audio

Welcome to the Fire Inside Her podcast, A safe space for

leadership, self-care, and community.

I'm your host Diane Schroeder, and it is my privilege to be your guide

on the journey to authenticity.

The summer before fourth grade , my parents informed me that I would

be transferring from the Catholic school that I spent the first four

years of elementary school to a public school in the neighborhood.

I was pretty scared and it was very new to me.

We didn't have a lot of kids in our neighborhood, so I didn't have

a lot of neighborhood friends.

And if I'm being quite honest, I didn't really have a lot of friends at school.

I got picked on a lot and teased, and I was fairly awkward.

So when a girl moved in across the street and up a few houses, I was

really excited because I thought I'm gonna make a best friend.

So I went across the street and I knocked on the door and this little

girl came to the door and she said, who are you and what do you want?

I replied, hi, my name's Diane.

I live across the street and I'd like to know if you wanna be friends and play.

And she looked at me and she said, we have enough friends,

and shut the door in my face.

Complete rejection.

And it's funny because I remember that so well, even to this day.

Now, we ended up being friends and we went through elementary school, middle

school, and high school together, and buried the hatchet long after that moment.

Yet the moment itself impacted how I create friendships and

relationships to this day.

I have a very deep seated fear of rejection.

When I joined the fire service, there really weren't a lot of

women to become friends with.

I was grateful that I have my OG friends, a handful of girls that I've known since

elementary school, middle school, and high school, and that was enough for me.

As I started to climb the leadership ladder in the fire service and

recognized that I led differently.

I really just craved female relationships.

I was fortunate enough to make a couple of really great friends within

my own organization, and then as I expanded my professional network and

started to travel outside of the state and go to the National Fire Academy.

I was very fortunate to meet my next guest.

Trish Connolly lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband, son,

and highly anxious dog Duncan.

She loves all things outdoors, including mountain hikes,

snowboarding and mountain biking.

She's a Yogi, Book Club advocate, and inspiring meditator.

Trish works at Bend Fire and Rescue and has been with her department for 22 years.

She was the first female firefighter hired and currently

holds the rank of Deputy Chief.

Let me just tell you, Trish is my hippie soul sister, and I have so

much respect and admiration for her, and I'm really grateful that she took

time out of her very busy schedule to talk about leadership and self

care and how important community is.

Please welcome Trish Connolly.

Trish I have a burning question for you.

I want to know if you are a ketchup, mustard, mayo, or ranch person.

Hmm.

I think it really all depends.

On what I'm eating,

Tell me more.

Mustard only for hotdog, because I've been taught

that by my New York husband.

Ketchup is just like, you cannot put it on hotdogs.

And so I've learned that.

And then I love ketchup with fries.

Ranch I would say no to the ranch.

Okay.

What about Mayo?

Are you a mayo person?

Not really.

I feel like it's pretty decadent and sometimes I'll put it on a burger,

but I pretty much, you know what?

Mayonnaise for sure with tuna,

Yes, I agree.

That's about the only thing I like mayonnaise on because it's glue

Yes.

So like that's the only thing and it's a must have for that.

So I think it all depends on what I'm eating, but we are a condiment family.

I just have to say, you come over to my house, you open the refrigerator,

you're gonna be a little overwhelmed.

We might have 25 mustards in there.

And I have no idea why.

And my husband keeps on buying it, so I'm like, what?

Stop.

Well, so you live in Bend, Oregon, so I'm not sure what the fast

food scene is, but do you save like the condiment pouches from eating out?

For example, like Chick-fil-A, they give us all kinds of like the

buffalo sauce or Chick-fil-A sauce.

So we save those in our fridge.

We don't ha, I mean, we have fast food obviously.

We're a big place in Central Oregon, but I don't go to a lot of fast food,

so I don't have any of those packets, and I literally don't know where we

put 'em in our fridge anyway, because it's stocked full of the other stuff.

That's awesome.

All right, well thank you so much for taking the time to chat.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so excited.

This will be fun.

I'm really curious, and I know we've talked about it a lot during our

friendship, but I, I want people to hear what it's been like for you

and your journey as a leader in the fire service specifically because

you were the only woman in your organization for how many years?

Oh, Uh, about 18 as a firefighter.

We did have women inspectors, uh, in fact, a few female inspectors, but

as a firefighter on the line, I was the only female for close to 18 years.

We did have a female come in for a couple of years and then she popped back out.

It was not for her.

So it's been a journey.

How has that experience of being the only woman?

We know that women represent roughly between four to 7% depending on

if your career, volunteer in the fire service, and that's not a lot.

But to be the only one in a relatively big department, how did that shape

you on your leadership journey?

Um, it was for sure a journey and yeah, I think it

had great impact on how I lead.

You know, uh, being a female in a male dominated industry is just challenging.

And they literally had no idea what to do with me when I got hired.

They didn't know where I, where I would sleep or what to

do with me if I got pregnant.

There was no policies.

They, they really, it was at the time when there was no planning

to have women in the fire service.

And when one got hired, they were like, oh, they were shocked.

And so it was a journey to sort of navigate all that.

And then when it came to leadership, and for the longest time, all I

wanted to try to do is be accepted and try to just be a good firefighter.

You know, all those things you try to do to belong.

Um, and then when it came to leadership, leadership isn't always about belonging.

It's about, it's about making hard choices.

It's about, keeping people true to the policy and the culture of your department.

And so then I really had to find my voice and be really comfortable

with who I was and how I led.

And that was challenging for me being a female leader because,

I am gonna lead differently.

Uh, my voice is different.

And it took me some time to, accept that and to, to be okay being different..

And not just being okay, but realizing that that's my superpower.

That is my strength, is being a female and looking at problems

differently, communicating differently.

I'm having a different way of setting up my team.

I love that so much.

And just let's go back really quick.

When did you get hired on the

fire department?

I was hired in 2000.

That's exactly when I got hired.

So we're not talking about the early

19 hundreds or you know, like the 1950s.

Even people, we are talking about 2000, so we're coming up on 23 years

ago, not that long that Trish was the first female in her organization.

And to back up just a little bit more, you were a badass in the wildland fire world.

Well, I appreciate that big compliment.

I would,

Well, you were, I mean, you were jumping outta helicopter sister.

That in my mind is

I got to repel outta helicopters and I loved my wildland

experience and it really shaped me.

But I think what's really interesting and what shocked me

is I was a wild land firefighter.

I started in 1994.

I used it to put myself through college.

My career stemmed five seasons.

Um, Before I transitioned to structure firefighting.

But women were way more pervasive in wild land, than structure and it really

shocked me when I started, volunteering at the department trying to get my foot

in the door with, My fire department I currently work for, there was no

like we said, there was no women.

And I came from a crew where there was like six women repellers and

it was just way more accepted.

You were just way more part of the team.

There was no questions.

And my wildland was really physically demanding.

My pack was 80 pounds.

I remember I had to get on my hands and knees and like one of the guys

would get behind me and we'd stand me up because it was so heavy.

And then you would like walk cross country for miles on end.

So it was really shocking to me to go from one to the other,

thinking it would be really similar in terms of team and acceptance.

And it wasn't.

You had said that you just wanted to fit in and I relate to that.

I remember very clearly, like the first bit of my career.

I just wanted to be accepted and liked.

That was really important to me because in my mind, I felt if they

liked me, then, it was all good.

If they accepted me, and the problem for me was that I cared more about

them liking who I thought they wanted to like instead of the

genuine, authentic person that I was.

And so for example, for years I watched Sports Center every morning

so that I could talk competently about sports, not that I, I mean, I like

sports, I like watching sports, but I wasn't like a huge sports person.

I thought, well, if I can talk intelligently about sports,

then they'll accept me.

I'll be pretty cool.

Cuz I know sports.

Did you find yourself just kind of covering up who you authentically

were, just to be liked?,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And I think that's just survival, right?

It's a survival mechanism.

You're like, okay, I'm here and I want to be part of this group.

I wanna be part of the team.

And so you pretty much would put up with anything that came your way.

And I like would learn to joke a little bit gnarlier than they joked

to make them more uncomfortable than they were making me.

And so that was my survival, you know what I mean?

Like that was.

Yeah, I put up with stuff that I hated, but like, I'm like, Nope, I,

I want to be successful in this job.

I wanna be part of the team, so I'm gonna put up with all of this, um, and not

say a word, and I'll give it back to 'em twice as much as they're giving it to me.

And it worked.

And I see our younger female firefighters, um, often do the same.

And I get it, like, I'm like, I get where you're coming from, sister.

I understand what you're doing.

And I think the more you advance in the career, then all of

a sudden you're like, Hmm.

Now I, I, I feel like I can have my voice now.

And I could say, Hey man, that's not cool.

So that's a transition I think we make as we get further in, in our career.

I, I agree.

Uh, we were talking, I was talking to my guys the other day and I had mentioned

to them the first time when I was a brand new officer at 28 years old, and I sat

down with my really senior crew and I gave them the expectations talk, and I

was so nervous about it because I felt.

, like I just, like, what am I doing?

I mean, I know I'm promoted and I'm supposed to be really confident, but

these guys could have been my dad.

So They were much older, much senior, and here I am trying to be vulnerable

and sharing with them and they knew I was nervous and it was received so well and

it really helped like lay a solid piece of my leadership foundation because what one

of them told me was, you know what, you're not gonna learn all of this in one day.

And it's okay, we'll learn it together, we'll help you.

And I really believe it was because I was very vulnerable and I said,

look, I know the foundations of this.

I know how to keep you guys safe.

There's a lot more I wanna learn from you.

And I think that was really kind of a turning point for me.

Do you find, like, what was that transition like for you and And

was it slowly or was it like, you know what, Nope, I'm the boss now.

Things are gonna change.

Or did you kind of have to, was it trial and error?

Yeah, absolutely.

Trial and error.

And I was just like, you, I didn't come in being, like suddenly I'm the boss.

Like what was important to me and I think, and, and this is

just really how I lead, is.

And just what you said, like, Hey guys, we're all in this together, and

we all have different positions with different responsibilities, and my

responsibility is to take care of my crew.

My responsibility is to make sure that, uh, when the tones go off,

we're prepared to run this call.

Like, My job is to take care of you and make sure you're

successful in your position.

Like, I'm not here to come and tell you what to do and to be this boss person.

That's not how I lead.

Um, so it's definitely , a process of figuring out, well, how do I lead and how

do I create this team while being true to myself and, and how I wanna be a leader?

, I'm still challenged by that.

Every position I come into, I'm like, well, how, how do I create this team?

And how do I lead without feeling like, um, I'm, I don't know, 'em.

my boundaries and who they are in the development and their career.

I just want to be there to support that person.

So absolutely.

It's, it's, I, I, I'm still work on it all the time.

I'm always reading leadership books because I just think it's

a really important position.

Leadership is important.

How did you take care of yourself when you were the only female, when

you didn't have, you know, to phone a friend or another senior female

to be like, hey, is this normal?

Or when you decided to have a baby.

How, how did you take care of yourself during all of those firsts?

While, trying to, you know, professionally be successful, and climb the ladder, and

be a leader in a high-stress job, and, you know, becoming a mom or, you know,

taking care of yourself as, you know, a yogi and your bike riding, like, how

did you do it and, and stay married?

I, I just have so many questions.

That, well, one, I really feel like I'm really lucky to have

a strong marriage and my husband really wanted me to be successful.

We are very good at, um, being together, yet being very, apart in having

our own lives all at the same time.

But he definitely was like, I'm here to support you and to help you.

You come home and then we build you back up from the things that happened at work.

Cuz we all know work can be challenging and it's not just the calls and

the calls are super challenging and you have to be really attuned to

the ones that, are scarring your soul and then trying to heal that.

But just the relationships and you're right, like being the first.

And trying to navigate being female, yet being in this male dominated

industry and having a baby yet still trying to come in and being really

tough and putting on the gear.

I remember this was hilarious.

I remember when I, I first, um, came back to work after I had my son and

we were getting ready, the tones went off and it was a fire and I took out my

hood and something stuck to it and I pulled it off and it was a baby sock.

And I remember my engineers like, are you kidding me?

I'm like, oh, I dunno.

So how do I do it?

I think strong family and then strong friendships and really finding.

I, I tried to get into programs where I could find my people

too, and that's where I met you.

And so it's sort of like seeking out people that are kind of going

through the same thing you are.

Which is difficult for us cuz there's not a whole lot of us.

But finding that person and then being really open with that and keeping

and caring for that relationship.

So that really helped me and I just have a strong sense of n eeding to replenish

my soul when I need to replenish it.

Reading and exercising and all of that.

But I really think that it's the people.

It's that community you create that help hold you up.

Cause you can't always hold yourself up.

Right.

I, I agree.

I laugh when I think of how I remember when we first met, it was year two

of executive fire officer, and it was right before class started and

we were in the bathroom and I was getting, I was finishing up washing

my hands and then you walked out of the bathroom and you're like, hi.

And I'm like, hi.

And then I'm like, oh, you're Trish, you're who Carol talked about.

And that was like our first interaction.

Do you remember that at all?

I No.

I have the worst memory, which I think is like one of my greatest assets.

I don't carry anything with me, but I also am like, oh, that sounded really amazing.

Was I there?

Ok, great.

I just remember.

I remember your laugh, I remember you are just always so welcoming and I was

just like really attracted to your energy and so I just remember coming in there

and just feeling like, oh, I met one of my soulmates, like immediately, you

know, love at first sight between us.

It totally was.

Then we went to that pub for our first date.

That Irish bar in Gettysburg, and it was so awesome.

The conversations have never not been genuine and authentic and

you know, even when we're both having bumpy times independently,

we can always call each other.

And I agree with you, that's, that's a huge pillar of self-care

is to have your people and,

and that community.

Absolutely.

I agree.

And you, and you said something about, uh, being really authentic and honest.

And I also think that's a really important part.

Things aren't always perfect and I think it's really important to

be able to talk to someone about that, like, It's not good right now.

And that can be really, that can be really scary to admit it.

Um, but I also think there's a lot of power in that.

Because then you can have this really honest conversation that

gets you through where you are.

And I try to have those honest conversations even with myself,

like, why am I feeling this way?

And how, what is this feeling you're feeling?

I think that's really important.

And then you find your people that you trust.

That you can have those conversations with.

And I really think that that has gotten me through my career cuz

we know that it's not always easy.

I wouldn't change it.

I love it.

But it's a been a challenge also.

Well, and I, I think you know that journey to be becoming your authentic

self and really kind of expressing that.

So much of that, you know, it, it.

Bleeds out of everything that you do, but so much of that is

the work you do on yourself.

Mm-hmm.

cuz it starts as an inside job, would you agree?

Oh gosh.

Yeah.

Completely, and that's why I think, like, I usually have my leadership

books going and my spiritual books going because, how am I feeling

and why am I feeling this way?

And also be like, completely okay with the fact that, um, I'm perfectly imperfect.

And some of my feelings are maybe a little bit embarrassing, like, but

I'm like, Hey man, this is how I'm feeling about this, and that's okay.

And to be able to sit down with someone and to work through that or to just say,

Hey, I'm, you said this and it made me feel this way and I wanna talk to you

about this is, I think, really important because if you don't express those things.

One, if you just don't say, Hey man, I'm an imperfect person.

which everybody is, and that's fantastic.

Um, and then if you aren't able to talk through that stuff for me, you just

bottle it up and then it's just never, you're never able to heal through that.

And I just think that's that part of leading is you said it's an inside job.

Start with yourself and figure out who you are, your strength and your

weaknesses, and we all have 'em.

Agreed.

Do you think that the community you have built, you talked about

your community and kind of, you had to go outside to find women, um,

really to be part of your community.

But would you say that the community you've built has helped give you

the, you know, confidence, the platform, whatever you need to be

like, all right, I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna go for this position.

I'm gonna, finish my master's, whatever big challenges you've

had in life, do you find that your community has kind of been there?

Whether it's, you know, taken a break to go to book club, cause

I know you belong to a book club.

Like you just have all these really cool activities that you do completely

not related to the fire service, but must help you in your leadership roles.

Yeah, absolutely.

I feel that community, wherever you find it.

And I feel like we have communities in so many different areas.

Just like you said, I have my book club community, that connection.

I have my community with other fire service leaders that I feel like I

can be really honest with and, and really work through challenges, um,

community, in my sports, my yoga.

You know, you have to decide I wanna go in and, and do these things

and I wanna go for this position.

I wanna go for this class.

But really I think that, um, I've carried things that people have said to me with me

that helped drive me through hard times.

And, it helps when someone says, you need to go for this.

I think you would be so good at this.

I really feel like the department would be so lucky if you went for this job

or if you, if you went for this degree.

I think that's helpful cuz it's sort of like the fuel behind your

drive that you're trying to do is, is people really, like we said,

supporting you and lifting you up.

So, absolutely.

And I feel like a lot of my community is outside of the fire service.

Do you think that community that kind of helping has also helped you learn

how to have challenging conversations?

When you hear from people that you know, you really need to go for this, I

think that's very authentic and genuine.

It also takes away some of the competitive nature that we find.

I know that we've talked a lot about as women in the fire service,

that competitive nature that isn't really healthy and helpful or you

have the supportive nature and you know, all going into community.

Does that help you have that confidence for, like you said,

difficult conversations for conflict?

Yeah, and that's one of my weaknesses I have to say, and I have to

say before I talk about that is that you.

You were, you've said things to me that really helped me with that competitive

nature because we all know when you go for something and you're competing against

other people and you're a minority in it.

All eyes on you and you always help me be like, Hey, this isn't

a competition with other people.

This is, this is really competition with yourself.

Like, you're out there.

Don't, don't worry about them.

And that's, I've always tried to keep that with me when, because when you

step into that spotlight, it's so scary.

And so you really have to, you know, things you've said to me have held

really closely during those moments.

Challenging, difficult conversations.

I still really have to work on, but I think it's really important being

your authentic self, to be able to put yourself in those situations, to

have those challenging conversations.

And, you know, Brene Brown's really helped me, her conversation about that.

You know, like it, yeah

You embrace the suck, right?

And it's only gonna suck for a little bit.

Um, but when you, when you have those challenging conversations,

it just really helps you grow as a leader and as a person.

And it really helps you connect with that other person.

So those challenging conversations and standing up for myself and having

those moments where you're like, okay, it's the first three lines of

this, like interaction, I gotta rumble with you, um, is gonna be hard, but

then you just have a conversation.

I'm still challenged by, um, challenging conversations because

of course connection's so important to me and I wanna connect with people

and I wanna care for that connection.

But I think challenging conversations are about, um, caring for that connection.

And if you're not having that challenging conversation, those

connections are gonna fall apart.

And so I just feel like, you know, that's something that I'm constantly

working on and reading about and then making myself go there.

I love that.

And total side note, when we get the opportunity to have our Dream

lunch date or dinner date with Brene Brown, we will be there together,

please.

I'll fly anywhere I need to.

Yes.

Her work has definitely influenced me as well.

Do you find, even though challenging conversations suck and they're

uncomfortable and they're difficult, how has that helped you be a better

leader and maintain a connection with the people you're in charge of?

So this is really interesting.

I've actually thought a lot about this.

Because I think as leaders, this is where we let our teams down if we're

not willing to have these conversations.

And I feel like this is an expectation that people have of people in leadership

roles is that you gotta, you know, you gotta throw down the truths.

One of my mentors always said, if you truly care about the person, Then

you're gonna have those challenging conversations and you're coming from

a place of wanting them to be better.

So when you're coming from a place of really, truly wanting this person

to be better, to be more successful, like these are the things they need

to hear, then it should just be okay.

They'll feel that.

The fact that you really care for them.

And I've seen situations where people didn't have the guts to talk to someone

and hurt them further in their career, and they resented that leader for not having

the guts to sit down and talk with them.

So for me, I feel like this is our responsibility as leaders to have

these conversations with people.

But when you come from a space of caring and really wanting someone

to be successful, it's okay.

And really everybody's gonna be better for it in the long run.

Yes.

Yes.

I couldn't, I couldn't have said it better.

Oh,

Thank you I appreciate you, like I said, taking the time, and I just

have a couple other questions that I kind of wanna wrap up with to hear your

wisdom and get, get some of your, your truth bombs.

Um, the first question is, who's your leadership crush?

Oh gosh that's so hard.

Okay, we, um, we already talked about Brene Brown, so we both know

that we girl crush on her hard.

absolutely

I crush on people who they're being really authentic right now, and

that's really challenging for them.

I'm like, whoa, you are so awesome because it's hard.

So I think, like I crush on people all the time.

When I watch them, I'm like, wow, that was really strong of you.

Like of course I crush on you because you're like one of my leadership

and female firefighter heroes.

I just have this appreciation of watching people, um, when they

step into really hard situations and they're being who they are.

And I can see that and I'm, and I wanna take little pieces of that and,

um, use it for myself to be better.

Well, thank you.

That was not a setup, by the way,

and I'm being very truthful, Diane.

to go along with Brene.

It's the people that step in the arena, right?

Like we want, those are our people.

Those people that are willing to get the crap kicked

out of 'em.

I have that poem up on my, my right by my computer, like,

yeah.

I actually, when I got promoted to lieutenant, I printed that out and

it's been in my locker ever since.

So for almost, you know, 20 years.

I look at that every single time I'm at work.

Just as a reminder.

This This is why we're so connected.

We both have this printed up and I look at it every day too, and when I'm having a

hard time, when I'm feeling a little beat up, I read like, Hey man, when you step

in the arena, that's what's gonna happen.

But that's, it's okay.

Yeah.

Yes.

I just have a couple more questions to ask you.

How has your yoga teacher journey changed your life and how has that been in all

your toolboxes, leadership, self-care, you know, momming, wifeing, like how

has that impacted you and why is it so important to take that mindful time,

which is different than mountain biking

yeah,

yoga's very, in my opinion, so specific.

Yes, you're, you're clearing your brain, you're getting

silent, you're getting still.

For me, yoga and meditation, um, has really been a huge

foundation and support for me.

When I first started my career as a firefighter, and you know how this

is you, you may be up all night long and then you come home to a family

and you've gotta switch from this firefighter brain to a family brain.

And my husband's handing me my son, and I'm like, I'm exhausted.

My brain's not ready for this.

Um, and so I, I had a hard time for a while.

Like I had a really bad, um, temper and so I really started going to

yoga and meditating every day.

And my husband was like, I can see a complete difference in how you are in

the world with meditation and yoga and yoga's just helped me with transition

from my work brain to my home brain.

but it also just really helps me center, um, and be really present and you

know the quality of your attention is gonna impact the quality of your life.

And so I really, um, that's really helped me because we, we are in a

challenging career and so it's just really kind of centered me, my yoga.

And so that's why I decided to do my teacher training during

Covid, with an instructor who lives in California who I just.

I love so much and I just love the way he teaches.

So a lot of it was just sort of, uh, yoga therapy for me during Covid

and just having an opportunity to sit down with someone and have real

authentic conversations about self.

I love that.

I know I read a book about trauma.

I've read lots of books about trauma and healing trauma cuz you know, we know we

have closets full of trauma from life and this career and all the things.

But one of the, this book talked about how, you know, she went to her first yoga

class and she couldn't lay in Shavasana.

Because she couldn't lay her eyes closed.

And for those of you who don't know, Shavasana Corpse pose and it's the end of

every yoga class and it's the best part.

It's where you lay on your back with your eyes closed and just

really absorb the practice.

And it's a very vulnerable position cuz you're in a room with other

people and your eyes are closed.

And so you have to have this level of trust.

And I never connected that to healing trauma and self-care before and, and

now that I've read that and I have integrated that When I do yoga, I

find that there are certain teachers and certain sessions where I can fall

asleep in Shavasana and start snoring and, you know, wake everyone else up.

But I, I, I think that, you know what a gift.

Such a mindful practice can be to really just taking time for yourself, but

also healing, you know, parts of your body that you may not have recognized,

needed, healed, if that makes sense.

Absolutely.

You know, like that book, which I know you read, the Body keeps the score.

Right?

Our trauma is in our body.

And so as we've worked for a yoga practice and my yoga practice has been

just like my fire service career, like in the beginning, it's all like physical.

Like I go to the like athletic yoga classes and like, I'm gonna

hold this plank for 9 million years and I'm gonna do 9 million Shava.

I mean, uh,

That's,

yeah.

yeah.

And like now it's really switched to more of like the spiritual practice, uh, where

it's like my breath is really guiding my movement and I'm there with an open

heart and a calm mind, and I'm really, I'm really trying to practice that.

And so I feel like.

Yes.

Like I feel like that is really healing, um, to be quiet with yourself.

And that's the thing.

If I watch people in yoga class, they're like, oh, Shavasana, they

roll up their mats and they're out.

I'm like, man, you're missing like that part where it all comes

together, where you sit quietly with yourself and feel all of the feels.

That can be hard, but so important.

Oh it is.

My dad died the beginning of 2020 and it was a bumpy year for sure.

It was before Covid and then hello Covid.

And then for my birthday, I was working that year and I did a yin yoga session

and I cried through the entire thing and that had never happened before.

I was like, holy cow.

And it was so beautiful and messy and it was just the different positions

really, and shapes got me into this really emotional, like I felt 10

pounds lighter after I was done

Amazing.

and really solidified that how much I love yoga for self-care.

So sidetrack on that.

Okay, last question.

This is a tough one.

Okay.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

Okay.

Can you share a defining moment in your life when you chose to be

authentic and it was really hard, but it changed the trajectory of your life?

Oh goodness.

This is, you're right, this is big one.

I thought you were gonna maybe ask me about candy and I was like, I'm ready.

Let's talk about dark chocolate.

You may have heard this story, but it really was a defining moment in my life.

I was training to become a captain, a leader in the fire service.

And, um, we had to go through these peers.

where your peers would, you know, say stuff and part of my feedback

came back that I was a weak leader and that really, um, that hit me hard

cuz I felt like I was a good leader.

And I really thought about that and I went to my mentor.

Again, people you can talk to, right?

And, and really lay it out there.

Like, I'm really upset by this.

I'm really, I don't know what to do with this.

I don't know how to lead if I'm weak.

Maybe I just need to be a dude.

Like, I'll just lead like the guys, I'm gonna go back to being

a dude and I remember my mentor and this, I carried this with me.

He is like, Trish.

If we wanted more dudes, we would've hired one.

He's like, please lead like a female lead like you lead.

He's like, it may not be always accepted.

People may be challenged by it, but we don't need another...

you're gonna miss the mark.

We're gonna miss the mark.

If you start leading like a guy, so lead as you lead.

And some people may not accept it, but it's, it's gonna be

the gift that you give us.

And, and I really marinated in that for a while and then

really tried to follow that.

You know, I'm not always gonna be, my style won't always be accepted.

Um, but I think that it's my style, and that's what I'm bringing forward.

And to really accept that, and I think that that really changed my trajectory.

And I think about that a lot.

Anytime I'm in a challenging situation.

That's a, that's a beautiful story.

Thank you for sharing.

That's vulnerable.

And have you found that since that advice?

And that gives me goosebumps to hear that.

Cause I, I received similar advice, um, when I got promoted to lieutenant.

But that, the people who are meant to be around you, find you that your

energy, your style, who you are and what you represent as a leader, as a

human, your people are drawn to you and those that aren't, if you're not

for them, like self-select out and go work for someone else if they have

the choice or you know, but you get your people by being genuine self.

Absolutely.

And I feel like by being your genuine self, you really make a

difference in those people's lives who are connected to you, right?

And if you're trying to lead in this third person, like, I'm gonna try to

lead, like this person expects me to lead.

Like, you're, you're definitely, you're not gonna make the

impact that you need to make.

And if you're leading from who you are, then you're really gonna

have impact in people's lives.

And the people that need to hear it may be the most at that moment.

And yet you're not gonna be for everyone.

Like, what is that saying?

Like, it could be the juiciest peach, but there's people who

don't like peaches, right?

And so there are people who are just like, I don't jive with you.

I'm like, that's cool, man.

Like I don't jive with you.

And like, no harm, no foul.

And that can be hard on our ego to be like, what doesn't everybody love me?

Because everybody doesn't.

And so I, but I feel like when you lead from your authentic self and you really

are who you are, then you are gonna make significant impact in the people's lives

that need it the most at that moment.

You may not know it, but someone's gonna come back and say, you really helped me.

And so, and that's all we wanna really do.

Right?

Be in the world and help people.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I can't think of a better way to end.

So thank you, thank you thank you so very much.

Thank you.

I enjoy talking to you always and thank you for supporting

this podcast and being on it and being willing to share your story.

And don't worry, there's a good chance I'll invite you back for more words of

wisdom and The Diane and Trish hour cuz we didn't even get into oh, so many

other things that we can unpack together.

I love, I love how natural our conversation is.

I'm so excited about your podcast, listening to all your conversations.

So thank you.

I'm very humbled that you wanted to talk with me, so thank you.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode.

Be sure to follow the show on whatever platform you're currently listening to

and head on over to TheFireInsideHer.com where I've created a free audio to

help you kickstart your self-care.

Until next time, be safe.