Feeling triggered? Whether by online posts, people, coworkers, friends, or even your spouse? It’s tempting to react, but what if those moments are really invitations to respond differently?

In this episode, I’m sharing:

• Why being triggered feels natural—and why it often backfires.
• Practical ways to respond when triggered —at home, at work, online, and in everyday life.
• How to stand firm in sharing what you believe without losing your witness.
• How to use the WIN Bible Study Method to apply God’s Word in your everyday responses. Download it here.

Stay Connected

• Sign up for weekly encouragement + updates at jenniferparr.com
• Follow Jennifer on Instagram at @doseofjen for daily encouragement and updates.

Hello, welcome back to the winning women podcast. I cannot believe y'all that we are stepping into season three together. It seriously feels like a gift. I want you to know, please know that this is a space that I created for women just like you. Women who are chasing after their purpose, women who are just growing in their faith and learning to win God's way, redefine what success looks like and just step into a season that you feel called.

This is such a cherished space and I don't take it for granted. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I cannot say that enough. Okay. So we're going to get right in because once again, as I always say, women, do not always have a lot of time. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but we don't always have a lot of time. So I want to kick off this season diving into a topic that I think we could probably relate to not only as women, but just in the modern day that we live in today. And that is kindness and

self-control, but having kindness and self-control in a culture that claps back, in a culture that triggers you, in a culture that has a lot of opinions. But I don't want this conversation to just be focused to what triggers us online, because maybe it's in your marriage that you struggle with being triggered. Maybe your spouse has something that's sharp and you are just ready for the perfect comeback or it hurts and you're kind of building up what you're going to say in return.

It could even be your kids when they push your buttons. They may push your buttons every day. Or maybe it's even at work. Sometimes someone may overlook you or they speak down to you. But I just want you to know that being triggered or just trying to practice kindness and have self-control in a culture that triggers you is hard. So today we're going to unpack that and why those triggered moments hit us so hard as women. And most importantly, what does scripture have to say about

having strength and having resilience and how to respond with self-control and kindness and how learning that can actually not only transform your relationships, but it can transform your home, it can transform your marriage, it can mend friendships, it can heal tension in the workplace, it can help with being triggered online and in our everyday life.

So get your pen, get your notebook, get your coffee, get your water, get whatever you're drinking on or sipping on and let's dive in. Okay. All right. So many of you know my story. I had a successful career and I worked in corporate America and I came home about three years ago to just be more present and with my family, just be a better person and just escape burnout. But when I worked at my job, I'll never forget one time somebody sent in

all staff email, you know the all staff emails or like all department emails. And anytime somebody says or leads with per my last email, or they just have these like jabs in the email that calls you out, it's not a good feeling. There was an email that was sent out to our department and it was like per my last email and they were referring to something that I hadn't done, pretty much just putting me out there. And I'll never forget some of my colleagues like, Jennifer, what are you going to say?

What are you going to say back? Are you going to email them back? my goodness, y'all, you know, the emails I'm talking about, you know, those like indirect, but very direct ways of communicating via email. And I remember feeling this tension, this tension between wanting to respond back and clap back. Like, honestly, I wanted to clap back and then also being like, but then should I take the high road? Should I just

email them back personally, even though they blasted me in front of everybody. It was tough. And I think what I decided to do in that moment was I did respond back to the all staff email and I said, I'm going to reach out to you privately. And I, I ended up talking to that individual, but honestly, y'all, it took a long time for me to come to that because I had to come down from my high. I'm sharing that so that, you know, that the feeling of clapping back, the feeling of wanting to respond back in a way that

is just as triggering or just as offensive as what was shared with you is natural. When someone hurts or offends, firing back feels like taking the power back that you lost, right? It's an immediate rush. It's almost like you feel like I defended myself. I put them in their place. Yep, truth hurts. I mean, I've even done this in relationships that I was in before I got married where if they did something wrong, I was ready to just let them know you messed up.

with the wrong person, your loss, not mine. We all know the feeling, okay? So I'm just being honest so that if you do feel like you are easily triggered, that is okay, okay? And that is because sometimes there's emotional triggers, hurt, offenses, misunderstandings. I don't think most of us wake up and we're just like, I'm ready to clap back and be petty today. No, it's usually because we have felt misunderstood. We have felt overlooked in life or in a certain season or area of our life.

Or maybe we've just been flat out disrespected and emotions get stirred. And our first instinct is to protect ourselves, is to protect ourselves with words. So that is why I'm just acknowledging like you are not alone if you feel that way. And if you've struggled with that, you all know what me and my husband do for a living. But if you don't, you're new here. Perfectly fine. We have a YouTube channel where we share biblical truth. We point people to Christ. We point people to the word and we answer questions that a lot of people have now.

There have been some controversial videos. We have made some videos about personal beliefs. We've made some videos about controversial topics that have been going on. And y'all, I typically do not even look at the comment section of our videos because sometimes they can be triggering. But one thing I have learned from my husband is that not only will he not just avoid controversial comments, but he'll respond. He'll address them because

He wants to do two things, one, that's to show other people, other believers how as a Christian, we should respond when we're triggered or when we are confronted. But then I think he also does it because sometimes people are just looking for a response, but we have an opportunity to kind of stir them. We have an opportunity to, to, to, to steer them in a different direction. And sometimes I'm there, but most of time I'm not. And that's just kind of the beauty in our relationship. But I will say that even though.

There are comments that people share that trigger me. I too feel in that moment that what I want to say back, the spirit nudges me to just pause. It's almost like the spirit is saying, take your fingers off the keyboard, Jennifer, and ask me. And I've had to ask myself a few questions. Is this response really necessary? Will it honor God? Or is it just trying to prove my point? And I also want to be clear that I'm not saying

you should never speak up and that you have to stay quiet when something matters. There are times when using your voice is the right thing to do. Standing firm in your beliefs is so important. And I think a healthy confrontation has its place. It really does. The difference is in the how. There's a way to respond that comes from being defensive and wanting to win. there's a way of responding that reflects Christ and protects your character and builds others up.

even if you disagree. later on in this episode, I'm going to share actually what that looks like. Like I'm going to share ways you can actually respond with strength and wisdom while staying rooted in who God has called you to. So I hope that you know that it is okay if you feel triggered. Some social media platforms are designed to trigger you. Some people just naturally love triggering other people. But if we're going to be women who reflect Jesus, that our responses when we're triggered

can't be led by impulse. They have to be shaped by the Word. And this is coming from someone who doesn't like to be restrained. Like, y'all, I have struggled with my tone most of my life. That is the way I fought back. I was never a physical fighter. I never got into like fights in school physically. But if you said something wrong to me or I felt disrespected, I could fight back just as hard with my words. And the Bible doesn't

present restraint as weakness. that's what I've learned over the years. I don't know why I thought that if I had to restrain myself, I didn't have something witty to say back, then I was considered weak. But I love how the Bible presents it as strength, under control, not weakness. Proverbs 15, 11 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. And James calls us to be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Now, while those scriptures are great, lately I have been diving into a chapter that I actually now really love. I used to stay away from reading a lot of scriptures in this book because I thought, this is kind of legalistic. But y'all Titus has become one of my favorite books now because of the wisdom that's in it. And Titus too brings it home for women because it says that women should be self-controlled and kind.

What does that mean? Does it mean that one should resist the urge to react? Maybe, but I think it also says that we should choose and respond with wisdom. And that's how we're going to camp out here today because I want to use the when Bible study method. It's a simple method that I created for women, for busy women, for anyone who just struggles to have an effective Bible study, doesn't really know where to start. We're going to break down what the word says.

how to interpret it, how to reflect on it, and then just next steps, like what God is calling you to do. And that's the Win Bible Study. If you want the link to that free Bible study method, I'll put the link in the show notes so you can click on that. But let's go on and let's break down Titus 2.5 for the sake of this episode. If we start with what does the word say? What does Titus 2.0 say when it says to be self-controlled and kind? Before we break it down, I just want to give a little bit of context of what exactly was Paul talking about. Paul is the author of Titus and

Chapter two lays out instructions for different groups, right? Paul is not just targeting women. Like he's not just after women. And I think for a while, that's why I stayed away from Titus because I was like, why is he talking to just women? But those were the verses that I had pulled out. When I look at the chapter as a whole, Paul is actually giving instructions to older men. He's given instructions to older women, younger women, young men, and even servants. His goal in this chapter is that the church community just display godliness.

So when he shifts the focus on giving wisdom to women, he urges younger women to love their husbands and love their children. And then he says this first right here, which is to be self-controlled and pure. Now we will unpack some other topics from Titus because after this, he does go on to say that women should be busy at home. should be kind. They should be subject to their husbands. But for the sake of today, let's focus on when he says being self-controlled.

and pure and kind, right? These qualities listed of having self-control and having kindness and purity, like these were actually countercultural themes back then. And I think they still are now. See, these virtues weren't about suppressing women, but they were about lifting them up to reflect Christ in their families and their communities. And the reason why this was countercultural is because the world

wasn't like this, just like how we see today and how culture pushes women to clap back. Culture may push women not to be kind. Culture pushes women to kind of disregard purity. And there's just a lot of themes that I see that they struggled with back then that we still struggle with today. And Paul and Titus is coming in and saying, women, here's some wisdom so that

you can reflect Christ. You can stand out in this culture, but stand out in a different way that is reflective of Christ and he focuses on families and communities. Okay. So I just want to share that context because context matters. So why this is important is because Paul is urging Christians to stand out by their character. Now, if you notice, Paul does not say that they should stand out because of their looks as women.

He does not call women to stand out because of the cars that they drive or their careers or their titles or their statuses or the clothes that they wear. No, he calls women to stand out because of their character. Ladies, character is your quiet megaphone. You ever heard a megaphone at a game or at a graduation? First off, you're not even supposed to bring those things in through graduation, but people still bring them in. But they are so loud. They are so loud. And is winning women?

Your character is everything. I want you to think about your character as your quiet megaphone. It's loud, but it's not loud verbally. It's not loud in how you dress. It's not loud in your status or your job title. It's your quiet megaphone. The best way to think about character is that if someone couldn't talk about your hair, they couldn't talk about your style. They couldn't talk about your degree or your job or your home or your family.

But if they had to describe you based solely on your character, what would they say? Would they say that you're patient? Would they say that you're kind, you're self-controlled? Or would they say that you're quick-tempered, you're reactive, you're easily offended? See, our character as women, it lingers after you leave the room. And I do think that God is always shaping us into the image of Christ. And that includes how people experience our character. So where in your life

you need to strengthen trust through having a little bit more consistent character. Because we live in a world where people are just skeptical, whether that's leaders, church leaders, politicians, institutions, maybe even close relationships, I think a woman of integrity or a woman that has self-controlling kindness stands out. And that's because people can trust her word and action. So when you think about character, just think that it really helps build trust with people. So we've walked through the W.

of the Wynn Bible study method, and that's what does the word say, especially for Titus 2.5, where Paul tells women to be self-control, or to have self-control, sorry. Now, let's go to the eye. And the eye is to internalize the truth. That is to reflect on how our character speaks louder than our image and how our reactions can either strengthen or damage our witness. And so as I reflect on this, I just think that

In the way we respond, whether to criticism or disrespect or just opposition, that our actions should either reflect or point people to Christ or it will detract from him. So now how do we respond in a way that reflects Christ when criticism comes, when conflict arises? And like I said, when that comment, because the world we live in just makes you want to clap back. This is the final step of the When Bible Siding method that I want to share. And that is the next step, just next steps of obedience. When you see scriptures,

like Titus 2.5 and it says women should do this. Women should be kind. Women should have self-control. The important thing is not necessarily what you say, but how you say. So in this next section, I'm going to walk through some real life environments where these moments happen, right? They happen a lot. Like I've mentioned before, I know it happens a lot online, happens at work, in our marriages. And each one of these spaces gives us a chance to either lose our witness, remember?

point people or be a reflection of Christ and lean into godly character or distract, look more like the world and not represent the image of Christ. So how to respond without losing your godly character? Well, first, remember who you represent. Before you respond, just remind yourself, I was made in Christ's image. So criticism, clap backs, they're going to tempt us to prove ourselves. Remember?

That's natural, but your identity is already secured in Him. Colossians 3.17 says, you do, whether in your words or deeds, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus. So online, before posting a heated reply, just pause, ask, would this reflect Jesus if someone who doesn't know Him read it? That picture that you want to post, they may have your cleavage out, may have

curse words in the songs, maybe it's not worth posting. At work, remember you represent Christ more than your pride or your position. So an example would be, let's say your coworker misrepresents your contribution to a project and you feel the need to clarify that, which I think is important. Perhaps you could say, you know what, I actually worked hard on that part. Glad to see that it was helpful.

instead of like stop stealing my ideas or just getting upset. Because that happens a lot. And sometimes it's not even like women, it's other men, it's your boss. You've worked hard on something and your hard work, your contribution is just misrepresented. Now, this shows up in our marriage as well. Remember, your home is your first ministry and your response teaches your family who Christ is. I have failed in this so many times and the Lord has convicted me in my tone.

I am not someone who curses, I'm not someone who uses bad words, but man, I have cut deep with my tone. And Allen has shared that with me, like, babe, I want to hear what you're saying, but your tone is very distracting, or your tone just, I miss the message when your tone is off. So remember ladies, that your home is your first ministry, and your response teaches your family and those in it who Christ is.

So instead of lashing back at your spouse after a sharp word, which I know is tempting, take a breath and say, I want us to talk through this, but I need to do it respectfully. That shows your spouse that what you said hurt, and I'm really hurt right now, but you want to respond in a respectful way so that you can still be respectful to them. I think that's perfectly fine. And then in friendships and community, remember that you represent Christ by just being a peacemaker.

We live in a very polarized, polarized world right now. And I have friends that fall on so many different sides of the spectrum on their beliefs, on their political beliefs, on their Christian beliefs. And when you discover a friend is disagreeing with you, or maybe they're even going as far as gossiping about you. Maybe they're blasting in a group chat or whatever. You can simply say, I'd love to clear this up with you directly because I value our friendship instead of just being like, she said this. I'm going to say this back.

Church is another place that is hard when it comes to responding with kindness because just because people are in church does not mean they are kind. But remember, people are watching and they see your actions align with your faith. And so an example would be instead of dismissing someone's critique of your serving, maybe you could just say, you know what, I'll pray about that and see how I can grow. Because that way the humility reflects Christ far more than like defensiveness. So those are just a few, few, few, few examples that

you can respond without losing your godly character by first remembering who you represent and letting that come out through your words. All right. So another way on how to respond without losing your godly character is that when a response is needed, because sometimes a response is not needed, but when a response is needed, wisdom is key. Silence is not always wisdom. I promise you, I used to think, I'm just not going to say anything, but it just festered up.

So sometimes silence does communicate agreement and sometimes it also allows people to continue to spread harm. I think that's why my husband will just respond to controversial comments online on YouTube because if we don't say anything, people will just continue to spread harm and they will just run with it. Responding does clarify truth. I think it sets boundaries. It protects others from being misled. But the key is how you respond and not from a place of defensiveness, but just spirit led, right?

And so here's some examples of like online, if you are trying to respond like Jesus, when someone comments just to provoke you instead of engaging back and forth, just simply say, this is what I believe. I'll leave it at that. Period. This is what I believe. I'll leave it at that. And in your marriage, if your spouse has something hurtful, instead of retaliating, you could respond with, you know what? That hurt.

but I want us to understand each other better. So can we talk through this or can we talk about this later? I use that a lot. And sometimes that's actually a good one to send via text. If you just aren't in the right space, you know, physically or emotionally, I've texted my husband, you know, babe, that hurt. And whether you meant to hurt me or not, which I know he, didn't, I want us to understand each other better. So let's talk about this later. And then in friendships and community, you know, if a friend spreads gossip, I just,

I don't think it's always good to stay silent. know sometimes you feel like you just, I don't want to get involved, I don't want to get involved in this drama, but you could simply say, you know, I heard this was said, can we talk about it? I want to handle it directly with you, not others, but directly with you. And they may come back and be like, well, who told you that? Where'd you hear that from? It doesn't matter. I heard this was said, can we talk about it? I want to handle it directly with you. So those are a few examples of when a response is needed.

Sometimes it is better to respond than to stay silent. And when you do have to respond, those are some ways to respond with wisdom. All right. And this is another one that just happened to me the other day. I was at the store and a stranger was just so rude. And you never know what people are going through. But instead of matching his tone, a good response that I shared with him, because I don't know what type of day he was having, was I just simply said, you know, I hope your day gets better. And that was it. It was simple. It was disarming. And it was kind.

I don't know if his day got better or not, but when you have everyday encounters with strangers who just are not kind, if you can disarm them with kindness, it's very rare that they will just keep going at you. It's like who wants to kick a dog that's barking and yelling that he's hurt? Like nobody wants to do that. Sometimes the most godly response is short, it's firm, and it's final. It doesn't need a long explanation. So online, instead of clapping back, you might say,

I appreciate your perspective, but here's what I believe. Share that, be short, be firm, and be final. The biggest takeaway today is the heart check. Ask yourself, are you trying to win the argument or are you trying to win the person? So as we close, today we walked through the win method together. Win, the W is what does the word say? We looked at Titus 2.5 and the word says that women should be self-controlled and kind.

The I means to internalize the truth, to reflect on what exactly does this mean? And next steps is the N, that's how to live this out in obedience. So this is just a simple tool. It's just simple, but it helps you to slow down and it helps you to just have a simple method of taking a scripture, taking a verse and just breaking it down. And so you can download the When Bible's Heading method in the show notes so that you can walk through it on your own this week. And also remember this, that you don't have to get this down perfectly.

You're going to have moments where you slip up. You're going to have moments where you respond out of emotion. We all do. But each time you do, it's okay. Just pause, pray, and choose self-control because you are growing. You are building that quiet megaphone. You're building your character. And you're showing the world that Jesus really does make a difference in the way that we live. So thank you for spending this time with me today. It means so much that you join me as we kick off season three.

around because season three we will be sharing more topics more controversial topics and seeing how the word especially in books like Titus and in other books of the Bible help us win and display godly character as women in this world. Let's pray. Father we thank you for the reminder today that you have called us to live differently in this world.

In a culture that celebrates quick comebacks, clapbacks, sharp words, help us Lord to model the spirit of Titus to. To be women who are self-controlled and kind. Lord, we admit that our flesh, our flesh often wants to react, our flesh wants to defend, and sometimes prove ourselves. But we ask Lord for your power, for your Holy Spirit, just to pause and give us guidance. Give us wisdom so that our responses can reflect Christ and not our emotions.

We also know, Lord, that you've given us these emotions for a reason. So help us use it to point people to you and help us to have restraint when it does the opposite. Teach us to be women who know when to speak, but also maybe when to be silenced when a response is not needed. And also teach us, Lord, when to correct and maybe when we should extend grace.

And Lord, help us remember that we represent you. We represent you in our homes. We represent you in our workplace, our communities, and even online. And Lord, let our lives shine like stars in a world that desperately needs you, especially right now. We ask all this in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Go win this week and make God proud. Bye for now.