BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
Subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode - also please do leave a like or review and share the love! Thank you
Found the podcast useful? I'd love to have a coffee with you - you can buy it HERE
THANK YOU!
Transcripts
::
Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm so glad you're here.
::
Today we're talking about finding yourself. Now, generally I don't like to throw shade, however I've got a few thoughts on the idea of finding ourselves. We might say it when we feel a bit lost, perhaps after a relationship has ended, when the children have grown up, when work has changed, or when life has somehow become unfamiliar. We imagine there's a version of us waiting somewhere, tucked away underneath all the responsibilities and expectations, and if we could just find her, everything would make sense. Finding yourself sounds like a mission you go on, you complete it, and then everything is awesome and amazing and you never need to worry again.
::
I'm not so sure. I don't think we find ourselves. I think we build or construct ourselves over a lifetime because we change, and let's not forget we're supposed to. Think about the person you were at 20. She made decisions with the information and experience she had available to her then. She had hopes, fears, assumptions, and ideas about what life might look like. And then life happened.
::
You learn things, some of them through joy, some through heartbreak. You discover what matters to you. You change your mind. You outgrow things you once thought were essential. You probably became much clearer about certain people and situations. And that isn't losing yourself. It doesn't have to be framed as a negative situation. It may feel heavy and dreadful for sure, and some of it may feel like loss that comes with grief. But you are not lost. You are still navigating it all.
::
I think midlife can be a particularly interesting time for this because so many of the identities we've carried for years begin to shift. Perhaps you've been the mum who organises everything, the dependable friend, the person who keeps everyone else happy, the woman who works hard and gets things done. Those roles can still matter enormously while your sense of yourself within them evolves. And sometimes there's a strange gap between the person you have been and the person you're becoming, the liminal space, neither here nor there. And of course the gap can feel uncomfortable.
::
You might find yourself thinking, "Who am I now?" And you don't need to have a complete answer. What interests you today? What makes you feel alive? What do you have less patience for? Where do you feel most like yourself? What have you been carrying simply because it belonged to an earlier version of your life?
::
You get together these clues and then you make choices, small ones at first perhaps. You say yes to something because you're curious. You say no to something because it no longer feels right. You spend time with people who bring out the parts of you you like and you allow yourself to be a beginner. Over time, those choices become a part of who you are.
::
And there's something quite liberating about realising that you're allowed to keep evolving. You don't stay the same. You don't have to rediscover some lost authentic version of yourself and stay like that forever. You can keep building. And maybe that's one of the gifts of getting older. We become less concerned with uncovering who we were supposed to be and more interested in deciding who we want to become.
::
So if you feel a little lost at the moment, perhaps you don't need to go searching. You could simply ask yourself, not "How do I find myself?" but "What would I like to build from here?" Because finding might require a lot of existential dread and questioning of a million life choices that are already done and dusted, whereas building requires a step-by-step approach that you can endlessly and joyfully adjust as you go. And there's plenty left for you to make of your precious life.
::
Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at Drink Less, Live Better, where there are lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with your 5pm cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programmes. And PS, I believe in you.
