On this week’s episode of The Carbon Footprint, we explore the impact of everything from crime stats to card games to cosmic infidelity. Two mayors somehow reduced homicide rates in cities that were basically real-life Call of Duty maps. The Epstein files? Turns out the explosive reveal landed with all the intensity of a soggy Post-it note. We also ask the hard questions—like what it feels like to get cheated on by Stephen Hawking (spoiler: the betrayal is both emotional and theoretical). And in the biggest gamble of all, Uno is coming to casinos—because nothing says high stakes like losing your mortgage money on a skip card.

Society’s a mess—we’re just here to track the footprints.