If you get nothing else out of this episode today, get clear with the impact you care to make in this world, and then set out to create it. Do this in big ways and small ways, but spend your energy dreaming of the change and then making it happen.

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Transcript

What I want to talk about with you today and what I really want you to notice and to be honest with yourself about, is how often you compare your life with someone else and spend any time, at all, wanting what they have. This could be their car, house, clothes or job. It could be their vacation, their kid’s birthday parties, or their circle of friends. When you want something because you saw someone else who has the thing, who achieved the thing, or when you notice someone who seems like they are having better emotions, better relationships, or an overall better life in general – you lose a piece of yourself when you start to let even a tiny hint of envy take root in your heart.

The perceived perfectionism of others is running rampant on Facebook, Pinterest, & Instagram. I am releasing this episode the day after Valentine’s day. My husband and I do not celebrate Valentine’s day, primarily because of our favorite memories from when we fell in love was a date we had on the 13th February, so we always have a mini-love celebration on that day, which has deep meaning for us, as a couple, and would happen independent of Valentine’s day. So, in our house, as parents – we use the 14th of February to celebrate the love we have for our kids. I am in the best relationship I have ever been in – in my entire life. Yet, on Valentine’s Day – I did take a few minutes to scroll Facebook and saw many of my friends showing off their flowers and I did feel just a twinge of “wish-I-was-them” syndrome. It was just the smallest of touches, and I caught myself before it became anything to note. Because I DO NOT wish I was them, not for a million dollars, not in a million years. I am living an incredible life, I have the perfect husband for me, who is my equal – who loves me super passionately and is my partner in life. I have a career that is beyond my wildest dreams, my 3 kids are all unique with superpowers of their own, etc… Would I trade all of this for a bouquet of flowers? Absolutely not! I tell you this just to point out how easy it is for your mind to want something that others have, even if you are overflowing with blessings in your own life. It even happens to me.

When you look at an Instagram photo and you think about her skin, her long flowing hair, her clothes, the college offer her kids received – and if you think for one minute, “I want what she has…” You are not really thinking of the flowers, or the perfect circus birthday party she threw for her toddler, you are thinking of the entire made-up scenario that resulted in her receiving the flowers or planning the party and believing (even for a moment) that her life is perfect. Which is 100% a concoction of your own mind. Even if she is your best friend, the odds that you know everything going on behind the scenes is unlikely. Everyone has struggles, challenges, and dark times.

In this episode, I want to focus on how comparing yourself to others could be the #1 way you are holding yourself back from achieving the highest potential you. When you notice in the scroll that you are feeling that jealousy creep in, when you see a colleague get that promotion, when someone takes the vacation on a Rhine River cruise – try to focus on fully celebrating their good fortune with them and redirecting your negative thoughts in the moment to thoughts that serve you and fuel you. I truly believe that we can all rise and were meant to live powerfully impactful lives. This impact will be unique to you, based on your talents and the purpose that drives you at your core. The results that come from your efforts will also be unique.

There are 3 main ways that these comparisons hold you back. Once you free yourself from keeping score against everyone on social media or others you meet across your life, and focus on what you truly want out of YOUR life, what you were truly meant to create in this life – an entire world will open up for you. A world that was meant for you – for only you, one that will fuel you and inspire you to create even more of an impact and to blaze your own path.

How often to you think about what you want in your life? These wants could be simple, something you can purchase, like a piece of clothing or something you can create for yourself like piece of art or a recipe for a family dinner. Your “wants” may also be very big aspirations or goals – such as a new home, a large amount of money in savings, a new career, or a big impact in creating a better world. Sometimes your wants will be emotional. You want to be loved, to belong, to feel happy. You want your kids to be healthy and thrive. Today, take some time to get all the “wants” out of your head and on to paper. Make a long list of all your wants – big and small, no matter how trivial or how impossible they may seem to you right now.

When you review the list you made, go back and take the time to literally write down the reason WHY you want all of these things beside each item on your list. Perhaps you have a passion and some of the items on your list are born from that passion, so you are highly motivated to create or achieve them. Some of the items on your list will be driven from love for your kids and family. Some of them will be driven from a need for safety or security. You get the picture. Clearly identify when any wants you listed could simply be something you think you should have because other successful people have it, or because someone else has it and you wish you did too. These are wants that were not organically born from your own mind. I am not saying that you do not genuinely want these things, too – just notice them and dig in deeper on these wants and focus on IF you really do want them and get to a deeper “WHY”. The WHY exercise is always good for these ones. Essentially – ask yourself “WHY?” 5 times in a row.

Example

1. Why do you want a BMW? A – it is a luxury car with a known reputation for quality

2. Why? I don’t have time for vehicle issues

3. Why? My career is very demanding. When I need service, the opportunity to have a courtesy car and the chances of my car breaking down on the road needs to be near zero.

4. Why? I am single and don’t have friends very close by who can take me to the dealer. This would drive an extra cost and be time consuming.

5. Why? Safety is one of the most important concerns for me and being highly dependable is one of my guiding values.

This is just an example, and NO – I do not have a BMW nor do I intend to get one, ha ha. This is an example to see how asking yourself a series of “WHYs” can get to a deeper meaning. It can help you get to the root of your wants and if you want them for a superficial reason or for something deeper. First – you can absolutely want something just because you want it. Go get whatever you want to get for yourself. The purpose of today’s podcast is not to keep you from creating whatever life you desire. It is to make sure the life you are creating is a life that YOU really want to be living and to make sure you don’t create a life you see someone else living who may actually be miserable and if you were living their life, you might be miserable too.

Ok, let’s get to the 3 ways that comparison is the # 1 Way you are holding yourself back from your best life.

3. Mindset – Focusing on what others have and what you do not will cause you to spend too much time circling negative thoughts and emotion. Anything involving rumination, negativity, judgement, spinning, or hopelessness about your own life or situation will not serve you.

2. Wasted time – Your thoughts will make you feel certain way, and if you are stuck in the thoughts from #3, depression, hopelessness, envy, judgement – you will spend more time feeling negative emotions. Feeling negative emotions such as “Unworthy” will cause you to take actions that prove that you are unworthy. Rather than moving toward your goal, and taking actions to make your dream a reality – you will continue to scroll, eat too much, drink all the wine, watch all the Netflix and the result of that will be that you will not move toward you goal, you may even move away from it. The way to get what you want is by setting your sight on a big aspiration, then taking massive action to get there. The more you interrupt your negative thoughts, including how you are not as good as someone else, and move on to thoughts that inspire you to take action – the more progress you will make toward who you are truly meant to become in this life.

1. THE absolute biggest way comparison is holding you back is…. When you compare yourself to another person and just try to become what they are now or even try to become a little bit “better” than they are, you are selling yourself short! What if you had a dream to be a politician, so you decided to run for city council. What if your biggest role model is currently the mayor of your city. From an early age you decided you wanted to be the mayor of your small town. MAYBE you even could become a state leader, as a representative for your district. Both of those roles would be limiting – there is only one small town mayor at a time and there are only a handful of district representatives for your state. It is completely possible that you could become one of those to hold these roles. What if, instead, you decided WHY you really wanted to hold these roles, what difference are you looking to make? What change do you want to create? What if you were willing instead, and completely independent of these politicians, you built a coalition of business leaders and / or non-profit organizations to bring revitalization of your community, your area of the state? What if the change you create there led to people across the entire state, or even neighboring states to take notice? What if you ended up heading a multi-state taskforce to drive change to the entire region (such as the Midwest, or the south west, the southeast, etc…) What if you gained grass-roots popularity? What if you became a contender due to this huge vision and impact that people began to throw your name around as a potential fill for a POTUS Cabinet post or even as a Presidential candidate? Things like this DO happen. They happen not because you relentlessly went after one small title, but because you go after one giant WHY.

If you get nothing else out of this episode today, I want you to really get clear with the impact you care to make in this world and then I want you to set out to create it. Do this in big ways and small ways, but spend your energy dreaming of the change and then making it happen. Do not spend one more second comparing yourself to other people. You can get some ideas from other people – ideas of where you want to go, but your way will be different and as you travel your path, you will find sideroads that are so much more interesting to you, roads that are traveled less often, and when you take some of these – boldly, you will end up on a path of your own making. Use your WHY as your guiding light and eventually, you’ll look back in awe at what you have created. If you do it with a greater purpose, it will impact many lives and you will have made the most incredible difference to so many people. More people than you ever imagined. Do not be in a hurry as you do this, enjoy the journey. You will grow, make mistakes, grow, and along the way you will become a light for others. You will change the world.

It’s not about other people and what they have achieved. Thinking that will limit who you become – it is about you and what you are capable of and becoming. Take time, my sweet friend, to become your very best self. Dream big and then go make that aspiration a reality. You are so powerful and when trust yourself to learn and figure it out, and to keep taking the steps in the right direction -- you WILL surpass all your own expectations. Ok, get out there and make it happen!