Many spiritually intelligent people are draining their power because they're trying to help others. They're caught in a saviour pattern that has a spiritual mask around it, leading to misaligned connections where their energy is drained. At worst, people end up in abusive dynamics while trying to help someone who isn't open to receiving that help.

True service energises you because there's a flow of energy: you give from your heart, and the recipient is open to receiving what you offer. There's no expectation of specific returns, but there must be receptivity. Serving nourishes your soul, while saving depletes it.

Saviour patterns drain our power and peace. Our energy becomes scattered and drained as we try to force outcomes with people who aren't receptive. But this episode offers practical ways to check if you’re in saviour mode, and begin to protect your energy.

Mentioned in this episode:

Healing Your Relationship with the Masculine
A 4-week immersive program for women

The Core Method™
The trademarked, unique and universal coaching framework for deep transformation

So many spiritually intelligent people, conscious people, people

deep on their path are quietly draining their power because they're

quote unquote helping others.

But there is a huge difference between truly being of service and being a

savior, playing out an unconscious savior dynamic that is socially rewarded, that

often has a very spiritual mask around it, so it's wrapped up in spiritual

language, goodness, compassion, not expecting anything in return.

But somewhere in this process with all these teachings, people end up

in completely misaligned connections.

Their energy is being drained.

At worse, people are even in abusive dynamics trying to help someone.

And there is so much distortion.

People are disconnecting from themselves and we have to ask

what the fuck is going on here?

And today I'm going to make this crystal clear.

What is the practical difference that makes immediately sense?

How you can, how can you identify within minutes or less whether

you are serving or saving?

Saving has nothing to do with being conscious.

Saving is always an unconscious dynamic and pattern that you are

playing out that is costing you much more than you might think.

I've worked with so many people, I've experienced it myself.

Trying to help others who are not open, who are not willing is the energy

of forcing, controlling, managing.

It's so draining.

Because you are not in your power.

It's costing you your peace.

It's costing your expansion.

It's costing and diminishing your light.

The reason why I'm so passionate about this is because when you shift this,

when you work through this and I'm gonna reveal what is the real work that we

need to do, and after listening to this episode, you know exactly what to do and

you can apply it immediately in your life.

I'm so passionate about this because this changes everything.

I've seen it again and again, and I can see it in my own life as well,

because you are reclaiming your energy.

Because your energy is lost in all these saving dynamics.

That, imagine your energy is not here with you.

Instead, it's in all kinds of other places scattered.

That's what happens.

This is why you feel so drained and not in your power.

If you are listening and not yet subscribed, I invite you to subscribe

now so you never miss the next episode.

Thank you for being here.

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics

podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn and I'm a coach, author,

and hypnotherapist.

I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics.

Saving someone, trying to help them, influencing them in their journey, without

their openness and willingness to receive whatever you are giving and pouring

into that energetic exchange, into that connection is always a savior pattern.

A savior pattern is characterized that you are trying to give something

that is not being fully received.

Now there is this spiritual teaching that says, give without expectation.

And yes, that is true.

If you give only expecting in return, no.

But at the same time, this doesn't mean you self-abandon yourself and just

keep pouring and pouring and pouring.

There has to be at the bare minimum receptivity.

And this is how it works.

At an energetic level, you give you poor into relationship, intimate

relationship, and the other person, even if they don't immediately give

love back, just by being able to receive that fully, the energy is able to flow,

But if the other person is not able to receive whatever you are trying to help

them, support them with, your service, your presence, your heart, then what's

happening is the energy gets blocked, the energy gets stuck, there is no flow.

And this flow of energy is really important.

It has nothing to do with I need to get X, Y, Z back.

Because, I'll give you an example.

A mentor with a lot of experience in their life might work with a student

and they might not actually gain a lot from that seemingly because they're

giving their wisdom to the student.

The wisdom, the student gains much more than the mentor seemingly.

But if the mentor sees the gratitude and thankfulness and deep receptivity,

there is an exchange of energy in that.

And, and that's deeply nourishing.

And that's why I always like to say in true service you always

receive infinite fold back.

What, however that is, if it's in a professional setting, it might be, um,

receptivity and money finances, right?

Through that currency of, of energy.

But, it's an energetic currency ultimately that's happening here.

And there has to be something, and at the bare minimum, there has to be receptivity.

But when you are in savior mode, it there, there is no receptivity.

The energy is not flowing.

It's you pouring, pouring, pouring and getting more and more and more

drained and frustrated in the process, and even perhaps resenting the person

for not being able to receive you.

So it's creating a really confusing dynamic where you are ultimately only

losing more and more of your power and nothing good comes out of it.

Not even gratitude, not even openness.

You are trying to get somewhere and the other person doesn't even

consciously want to go there.

You see something in them, but they don't see it in themselves.

It doesn't matter what you think, what their potential is.

If they are stuck and not able to at least see what their potential is,

it's wholly irrelevant what you see.

Because, yeah, beautiful, but at least at a bare minimum, they

have to be able to see that.

Otherwise, you do the seeing and you take responsibility.

It's the key thing how are you giving your energy away.

You are taking responsibility for something that is not yours.

So this is another distinction when it comes to saving other people.

Service does not mean you take responsibility for the other person.

You only take responsibility for how you show up, how open your heart is, um, your

intention, your energy, your presence.

That is your service.

That is what you take full responsibility.

Ideally take full responsibility for.

Now when you are saving or rescuing or anything along those lines, then you

almost always take on a burden and a weight that is not for you to carry.

An example, you see potential and intimate partner.

They don't see it.

You keep investing in that potential because you see it, because you think

they could do it because they're so brilliant, they're so this, they're

so that and they're so loving and in some moments they're loving.

Yeah, and it's not your job to do the seeing for them.

It's not your job to do, to mature for them, to step into

their true power and hire self.

You just cannot do that.

And that's why it feels so draining because you are carrying something

that is not even yours to carry.

Remember this as a rule.

Saving others is the most exhausting thing that exists in

this universe, or at least on that list of the most exhausting things.

Serving is always energizing, because when you serve, energy is able to flow.

Whether that is you giving something to a homeless person and they

receiving that with a smile or with gratitude or, or kind words.

Not because you expect it, but there is a flow of energy.

Yes, they seemingly received more.

No, you actually, in that moment, if it is, was in alignment, received potentially

much more from this because yes, maybe they're reminded that there is warmth and

uh, empathy in this world, but you in that moment are, are truly being in service.

You are giving from your heart.

And there is such a powerful exchange of energy.

But imagine you give to a homeless person and they say to you

something rude or something mean.

In that moment, you can immediately sense how the energy

is completely starting to shift.

Because what's happening is that even though you didn't expect them to validate

you, that's not why you're doing it, there is still this understanding that

in any exchange of energy, there needs to be some form of respect and honor.

You see, it's just the fundamental law of the universe.

Otherwise, it is not in alignment.

Serving is always energizing.

It's nourishing your soul.

It's giving you more energy, even if your body is tired.

I know this from long days of coaching or being on stage for

hours, my body is very tired after many, many hours of the deepest

work and standing in full presence.

However, my soul, my, my energy centers have more energy than ever before.

I'm like, it's glowing, it's burning.

A fire is burning.

I still am running on kind of spiritual reserve batteries inside me, even though

my body is exhausted at the end of the day and and wants to naturally sleep and rest.

But if there is saving, there is none of that.

So in serving, there is that deeper spiritual energy.

Well, everything is spiritual, but there is, it has a spiritual dimension to it

because it doesn't come from sleep, it doesn't come from taking care of yourself.

I would say it's even deeper and even more profound than that.

It's, it's heart energy.

It's loving, it's divine energy, so to speak.

Whatever word resonates most with you.

Going deep on savior patterns if you're trying to save others or or help others.

But it's not an alignment.

It's focused on the outcome, on the result.

It's focused on your own ego, and ultimately, without admitting this to

yourself, wanting validation from that.

And we are not necessarily consciously aware of that.

We want to be seen as nice or as special or as giving, or as more

awake or as more spiritually mature.

Whatever there is behind the savior energy always hides our own ego and shadow.

There is something in it for us in saving others.

Receiving validation even by having the feeling that others perhaps

even depend on you or need you.

And this is the core of it.

Being needed, right?

This is different than conscious manipula, well, what is conscious

manipulation if that even exists?

But this is different than deliberate manipulation or

anything along those lines.

This is a different topic.

This is, um unconscious, right?

And maybe it's something you learned in childhood that you had to rescue

your mother, rescue your father.

You had to step in, you had to overperform, you had to work

harder, um, in order, you had to take responsibility for things that

were never your responsibility.

And this can be so deeply ingrained that even though you're deep on your

path, you're not aware of it, and there is spiritual language around all these

things and spiritual teachings, but there isn't nuance and true context

of seeing what is actually happening.

And there is also a victim identity often behind saving.

No one gets me.

I try so hard, but no, people don't get it.

People are not awakened.

If I hear people complain about unconsciousness, complain about how

other people just don't get it, and I'm frustrated and wired and not awake?

That's always a real shitty energy that's happening there.

There's nothing spiritual about that.

There is nothing conscious about that.

Complaining about others is showing some form of resentment.

It's showing that you are not happy with how others are responding,

because in that moment, they're not giving you the validation that you

might want in that moment, or you are playing into a victim identity.

I'm so special.

I'm trying so hard, and others just don't get me, and others don't understand me.

No, none of that.

You are just in misaligned connections, in misaligned places,

trying to help someone force something and so fucking disconnected

from the essence of your being.

I'm going very direct today and, uh, I'm not gonna apologize for it, but

at the same time, I understand that I'm not softening the blow today.

At the same time, I'm really coming from a place of fierce compassion because

I needed to hear that in the past.

And a lot of people needed to hear that, that I've done deep work with.

And it can be tough to hear that and receive that, but at the same

time, true service is fierce.

True service is never focused on how the other person receives you.

Imagine I be doing this podcast episodes and I be sugarcoating the whole thing.

Because then my focus would be on how are you receiving this?

Or how are you perceiving me in the process, right?

What do you think of me?

What if you change your mind about me by being fierce by,

by naming things as they are?

What if I'm too direct?

What if I'm too much in that moment, right?

So that's the key thing.

True service is not focused on ego validation.

There will be some people listening to this and they will never listen

to this episode again, because in that moment they'll go like this

guy is too intense, he's too much.

But the right people, if you are listening to this, if you're able to

receive this in this moment, the right people will hear me, and that is service.

Service is not for everyone.

Service is for the ones who can receive with an open heart, or at least with a

somewhat open heart and a willingness to, to listen for deeper truth.

And when we talk about a mutual exchange of energy, for instance, your partner

struggles with something, they're open, you help them in that area lovingly

without being their spiritual teacher or coach or micromanaging their journey.

But you, you genuinely help them, you support them in whatever, as best as you

can without abandoning yourself and taking responsibility for things that are not

yours to take responsibility for, right?

That's a key, important distinction.

But you help them and, and, and they're, they're, they receive it with so much

love, they're so grateful, you can see them expand and, and, and it has this

wonderful impact on your relationship.

How could this be ever exhausting?

There's nothing exhausting about it.

It's the most wonderful thing.

There's, there's so much loving energy circulating, so much abundant energy,

so much gratitude energy circulating.

And there is service.

Because the other person, your partner is open to it.

I'll give you another example.

Let's say your best friend expresses that they're going to do something,

something where you are a master at.

Maybe it's building a business, maybe it's a specific craft or whatever,

something you are highly experienced at.

And you notice that they're absolutely not willing to listen to

what your experience and wisdom is.

Obviously you wanna tell them the truth and you want to be honest.

I mean, you're not gonna lie.

but imagine you go all in there and and, and you say, listen, what

you're doing is a huge mistake.

This is how it works.

I notice from experience.

This and this and this, and you explain them and you coach them, and

you give them all this information.

And maybe you even have a really good intent behind it, but it could lead to the

other person shutting down in that moment.

And now again, it depends on what it is, and of course you want to say the truth.

But what I'm essentially saying here is if that person is not able to receive

it, then you trying to them to see, understand, or anything along those

lines is just going to drain you in the process and it won't give them anything.

And this is a key thing we need to understand.

People operate at their level of consciousness, and if they need to

learn a soul lesson, then it doesn't matter how good your advice is.

It doesn't matter how sweet your words are.

It doesn't matter how right you are.

None of this has to do with you not being right in the sense that you

can see a deeper truth or challenge.

But if they are meant to learn this lesson, the hard way, then trust me,

they are going to learn the hard way.

No matter what you do.

You can try it.

It will just drain you in the process and totally be out of alignment and

they will still learn it the hard way.

Now, again, this doesn't mean you don't support or you speak

up when something is important.

There's always nuance to this, but I'm sure you can think of an example

where you tried to give, and the other person was simply not receptive.

And this is always something that fascinates me at the highest level

because when I see a person who is a master at something or has

more skill or more understanding, or more depth or more embodiment,

then I want to learn from them.

Then I treat them with reverence or at least a deep respect, because they

are the master of that domain or they have much more understanding about it.

I will never understand people who have connections in their life,

but don't respect that the other person can actually help them.

There is a, there is a big ego behind it.

And this is what often happens when they are so identified with their

own ego and shadow and think they are right and they just do it their way

and they block everything out, you just cannot help someone who does that.

Because they're not yet operating at a level of consciousness where

they can actually fully receive that and have the maturity to

hold that level of communication, to have that exchange of energy.

And here is something extremely important that I need you to understand.

When you are trying to save or rescue others, then really what's

happening is that deep down you might be escaping from your own pain.

When you turn another into a project, what do you not have to focus on?

Yourself?

Because the only project that ever exists is you.

Not another, because they need to take responsibility

of their own unconsciousness and potential and whatever.

Whatever you are not looking at here.

You are escaping from in, in saving or turning other people into projects

and, and, and, and wanting them to be, see or help them achieve,

be, experience, realize something.

What are you escaping from inside yourself?

And this is where it gets really deep, because at a deepest

level, who are you when you are not saving and rescuing others?

That is the most powerful question you can ever ask yourself in order to

transcend and truly work through this unconscious, deeply ingrained pattern

that exists for so many, and even slips through for so many conscious people.

Who am I when I'm not saving?

Many people unconsciously, if they're honest with themselves,

will say I'm useless.

I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough.

Goes back to things in our childhood.

In order to be good enough and loved, you had to outperform, give more, try harder.

So now you are doing the same.

Because you will experience an ego death, an identity death

when you truly face yourself in the absence of rescuing others.

It's a false self, a false identity that is being fed by turning other

people into projects and consistently trying to save and rescue others.

When you stop that, you are naturally going to be faced with something inside

you that might feel very painful.

But also here is the liberation.

Because true service emanates from this place, from this place where

you are dropping so deep in your being and you don't have to perform.

You don't have to do anything for anyone.

You can just be present, no control, total surrender.

And from that place, you can actually give so much more because you are

flooded with spiritual guidance, with spiritual power, so to speak, and divine

energy, whatever we want to call it, it just flowing through you in abundance.

You don't need to do more or try harder.

You need to face the aspect of yourself.

Who experiences a death in the absence of saving or rescuing or

focusing overtly on anyone else's journey rather than your own.

Now I'm going to lead you through the step by step process as

the final step of this episode.

How you can discern whether you are in savior mode or in service mode,

so to speak, in any circumstance, relationship, or situation.

I mean, everything I said applies to this, but here we're gonna make it more

practical so you might want to write this down or revisit this, this section.

Number one, how is the exchange of energy?

Does it energize you or does it drain you?

Does it feel like it takes more from you than you are giving?

Then you need to look at it at a deeper level because the

savior pattern might be at play.

Question number two, is there willingness and openness to receive your support,

your guidance, your presence, your love?

If yes, phenomenal, then it most likely is some level of service, because

at least there is a flow of energy.

If no ask the question, can they actually receive my support?

Do they actually want my support or help with that thing?

Because you need to not assume that just because you want to expand

that other people want to expand.

Yes, their soul maybe at some level wants to, but they haven't realized

that, they haven't yet unintegrated, they haven't yet owned that fully.

They still have to mature, and I don't mean this in a form of judgment.

They're lower, they're this, it's just they're not at a level of consciousness

in that moment to see this is what I want to do, and unless they don't,

if they don't want to, it's just not going to happen no matter what you do,

because that resistance is a closed door.

Love cannot enter.

Love is more powerful than anything in this world, but it doesn't enter

closed doors or begs or tries to enter.

It just doesn't enter unless the door starts to open,

because it has no attachment.

And most importantly, do I feel in my authentic power here?

And this is very, very important.

Do I feel that I can be fully authentic?

Because if you can't, if you have to perform, if you have to try harder, then

it's already pulling you out of true presence, pulling you out of true service.

Service, the hallmark of it is absolute utter authenticity, and in that total

authenticity, the most beautiful and vibrant and vital exchange of

energy in any situation takes place.

If you feel burned out, drained, micromanaged, force an outcome.

It feels like pushing a stone up a mountain.

The higher it goes, the harder it is.

You're fighting an uphill battle, and at some point the stone crashes

you and you come back rolling down feeling entirely exhausted.

That is the metaphor for playing out savior patterns.

And the last and important question is if you are acting out in savior

patterns, what am I escaping from here?

What am I avoiding inside myself by overtly focusing

on other people's journey?

What is exposed inside me or arises in my awareness when I'm no longer saving

others, and just embody my truth and surrender and just become present?

What pain arises?

Face that and absolutely everything starts to transform.

If you are listening and not yet subscribed, subscribe now so

you never miss the next episode.

It is an honor to be of service.

Thank you for being here.