As a "codependent people, pleaser" Alicja Pytlak lived her life on autopilot. Unconsciously living through her marriage and parenting her daughter.

Is your need for perfection a result of needing to prove you're better than the people who hurt you? Or are you recycling the hurt you endured instead of seeking healing and forgiveness?

...Being reactive, being reactive is also a sign of unhealed stuff within us.

~ Alicja Pytlak

Hitting rock bottom knocks Alicja awake so she can begin to live a life on purpose.

In this episode, you will hear tips on how to declutter your heart, relationships, and surroundings. Lots of content to create a checklist for spring cleaning.

Alicja also shares why quitting her job was part of her decluttering process. Not only did Alicja remove herself from the toxic relationships in her life but she also removed the "stuff" that she mindlessly accumulated throughout the years.

Connect with Alicja on IG @mindfulspacesbyala or visit her website

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Mentioned in this episode:

Don't Parent in Silence

Hello Solo Moms. As a solo mom of three adult sons, I understand the challenges you face on a daily basis. As a mentor, my mission is to help you shift your mindset and empower you to take control of your life, to see yourself as God sees you. I know that unresolved trauma can be a heavy burden to carry and parenting alone can be a lonely journey, but it doesn't have to be that way. I want you to know that you are not alone. You have the strength and resilience to overcome your challenges and create the life you desire. Speaker 1: 0:41 I want to help you to make the effort to tackle unresolved trauma and change your perspective so you can live the life you deserve. I offer complimentary consultation where we can discuss how to move forward, create a plan to help you heal and empower you. You can schedule a consultation by emailing me at jen@jrosemarie.com or by calling + 1-917-994-1329 (WhatsApp), or schedule a consultation with the link below. I am here for you and I want to help you take the first step toward healing and empowerment. Don't let unresolved trauma hold you back any longer. Don't parent in silence. Take action today and let's work together to empower you to live the life you desire. Thank you.

[00:13:27] Okay. You want to get a divorce? What is the next step? It's the lawyer don't think that the lawyers that are going to help you in two years, because he's not going to set up, oh, your ex, like we, we have to face our fears because if you. I live in a comfort zone, very toxic comfort zone for 40 years of your life, then like, yes, you will have to face fears for the next couple of years and it's not going to be easy.[00:13:50] This journey is like, it's beautiful, but it's so beautiful. The journey of becoming because you every day have to be [00:14:00] uncomfortable, like, because the dreams they die in comfort, like nothing good comes from. Your dreams won't like happen. If you're staying comfortable every day, you have to face your shadow self.[00:14:15] And you know, the alarm is ringing. You don't want to wake up, you sleep in and then your entire day is like, especially when you have kids, I wake an hour before the average. Just give some time to yourself, like, you know, breathe, drink water. So you don't wake up with your kids and you just on this spiral.[00:14:36] So, yeah, it's, it's not an easy work, but, I believe we all came here to live an abundant life. Not like [00:14:43] alive and stuff. [00:14:45] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Sure. Thank you. All right. what is, what is Alicja grateful for today? [00:14:51] Alicja Pytlak: What am I grateful for today? I'm grateful for my great energy. Actually I woke up at 4:30 and, um, I did usually I [00:15:00] do around hour and a half, two hours of like my spiritual practices and some workout.[00:15:05] And, uh, yeah. So my day was really awesome because I didn't have that snowstorm. I'm actually participating in like a really motivating workshops. So we did motivate it. So I woke up, I wasn't checking any social media, no phone. And that's such a different day that you create when you, when you don't look at your phone for the first two or three hours, when you wake up.[00:15:25] So I am super grateful for the energy and I was actually sending some gratitude to the universe for [00:15:33] that. [00:15:34] J. Rosemarie: Okay. Thank you very much for sharing. I like to put that in the middle of everything. so you know, a lot of times moms, I think worry the most. because we worry about our kids and if there's a partner, we worry about them and their stuff.[00:15:52] Alicja Pytlak: And so I think that one of the reasons that we worry so much is we have so much [00:16:00] stuff to manage or to take care of. How can women, especially moms live a more intentional life away from materialism?[00:16:10] So I do believe that worries. They also come from our condition style. So like from those unhealed parts within us, right. If we not going to ground ourselves every day with some sort of, uh, practice, like really self-care is not about, you know, soaking in a bathtub and doing the manicure, like self care is more about[00:16:33] connecting to our soul, to our, to ourselves, to our inner self, to, to ground ourselves. And I do believe that the morning is the best, the best way to do it when it's still even dark. So when you start doing the work on yourself and I've experienced that as being a mom being very reactive three years ago, To now, my daughter is almost [00:17:00] 12 and that, that is a really hard age, like now to like probably 16, because I am so calm within myself.[00:17:09] I don't worry. Like I don't worry about her. I trust and I have faith that we are. Protected. Like whenever the worry wants to come to my head, I put a hand on my heart and I say, God, like, whoever is your guide. Like, Lord, I, I say, God, like, I know that I'm protected and I'm just asking you for strength. I usually just ask for strength if there's lots of challenging things coming my way, but.[00:17:39] What so many moms struggle with, let's say the basic example, if they're not happy in their life, if they, if they're, if they're in this mode of like blaming or being a victim, or my husband is this and this, but I'm doing so much and then we're projecting it on our kids. So they are doing the same thing.[00:17:59] So let's [00:18:00] say, let's say the daughter is dating a horrible guy. But here I am being in a marriage that was never working. And my daughter was seeing that, but it is so hard and it takes so much work to see it, you know, because I don't, yes, our kids can be emotional. They can be nasty. They can be. We have to allow them to be this way, but it's our choice if we're gonna react[00:18:26] so we're just going to perpetuate this behavior, which is gonna like, add basically that heat to the fire, or are we going to just observe them? And when my daughter is acting up, I'm just right away asking, like, is there anything that you'd like to talk to them? Be that something happened at school and.[00:18:44] Often, I would say 99% when she is in that heated moment. Like when she's like, I hate you and she doesn't want to talk. Right. So I'm like, I'm breathing, I'm literally breathing. If she's going overboard, I'm going to my room. I'm like, [00:19:00] I feel for you, I'm here for you. I'm not going to tolerate this respect.[00:19:04] I'm not going to tolerate that, but I know that there's something big happening inside of you. So you be, you. You scream to your pillow, try to watch your verbiage because I really don't like where words and kids can hear so much stuff at school nowadays. And so 99%, she's not going to talk to me right away, but 99.9, she is going to come after an hour or the next morning and vulnerably say to me what really happened.[00:19:34] So vulnerability is something that we're not being taught at school. We just hide our, like suffering our problems. We pretend that our family is perfect. And then a woman who's divorcing, or a woman who is a single woman is shaming herself. That she's the only one. No you'e not. Most likely the friends that you have that claim that everything is perfect.[00:19:58] They have, and I've [00:20:00] experienced that in my life that I was always like, oh, but he has such a great life. Or she has such a great life. But when you go deeper, basically these people are not honest and that's okay. That's um, I'm not sure if I answered your question, but basically to live an intentional life, everything starts with us from decluttering, our.[00:20:19] External and internal and decluttering friends for me was that the heaviest part, because I was codependent people pleasers. So I only had friends that friends that claimed that their life is great and they fed off of my problems and they were always telling me what to do. And then they were like, we told you to do this.[00:20:40] How come you didn't do that? Because I started like awakening. Actually I'm going to do whatever it feels right for me. So they didn't like it. So, or at work I quit because I started again like healing and I was like, oh no, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do that because that's not my job. Or I don't feel comfortable.[00:20:59] So [00:21:00] I started saying no. So if a girl who says yes, entire life start says, no, especially surrounded by men. They call her like, you know, a "b" word, or like, oh, what's wrong with you? Or do you, you know, are you on your period? Or offensive stuff like that.[00:21:15] and so sometimes you cannot really fix that. You have to exit the environment, you have to exit the environment where your old broken style and. Yeah, there is a painful bridge in between, but you have no one because you have to work on yourself. You have to scream it out. You have to cry it out.[00:21:36] You have to do bodywork. Like we can not fix our problems on a college campus. The therapy can only take us, take us maybe half way, but then it's the bodywork? It's the breathwork. Is this so much sematic work. Everything is stuck in our nervous system. So it's so hard to. Even if we think that our childhood was perfect, there was always [00:22:00] some conditioning, some subtle things that may like may cause us issues in our outer world.[00:22:07] so yeah, so decluttering relationships, like from what I, choose to work with moms. are so, like they're buying happiness with material possessions, because I can see how even this affects my daughter, like surrounded by kids at school. And she's like, oh, but one this. And I'm like, why don't we just go for a walk?[00:22:28] And so going to school, you don't need anything. You have everything on top of that. If you are at the age, when you grow so much, you literally find with three sweaters because this sweater is not going to work in six months. Uh, so let's create experiences instead of vines, or like, you know, let's, you're not going to sit on the iPad for three hours because I created my life by design now.[00:22:51] So I'm going to spend this time with you. so these are the steps, the small steps that can bring the intention to your life, but it all [00:23:00] starts basically with you. [00:23:01] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, for [00:23:01] sure. and how can we get in touch with you if, you know, we want to talk to you. [00:23:05] Alicja Pytlak: I have my website and I'm mostly a year ago. I would never ever think I will get on social media because I was always through the journey also of my last four years.[00:23:16] I cancel all my social media, but now I'm slowly getting there and I like Instagram. So I have my profile on Instagram. When I, when I share. Tips and ideas on decluttering, your spaces and your lives and bringing like more abandons and manifests really, good, more joy and ease in your life. And it's @ mindfulspacesbyallah[00:23:38] that's my Instagram and the same with my website. [00:23:41] J. Rosemarie: www.MindfulspacesbyAllah.com Okay. I'll put that in the show notes as well. And, and, um, just one piece of advice that you would give to a solo mom on just like a quick couple of quick tips that they could use to start to [00:24:00] declutter, in a holistic manner.[00:24:02] So. So, what do you think comes easier for you? Like, are you overwhelmed in your physical space? Because if you are. Just put yourself on a three-day challenge, 33 items every day for three days, make it fun. Maybe even with your kids, as them to, you know, throw in a bag, everything that is broken or shoes that they don't like or shares are nowhere.[00:24:22] Give them $2 for that and go and get, uh, I don't know, hot chocolate together create an experience for that three day challenge. So after three days, you're going to have. Almost a hundred pieces, less in your space, and hopefully that will create excitement within you. So just tap in right away to that excitement and tap in like, oh my gosh, what is my intention now?[00:24:44] What is my, like always started with intention and with why, so why are we doing it? Like, oh, I want to, I'm too overwhelmed. I don't have time. Okay. So why don't I have time? Why is my space so messy? Why am I so disconnected? Always ask questions [00:25:00] and trust God. the answers will come. Just question, question, everything, question, everything that you have in your calendar, in your space, and then dig deeper, because if you ask questions, be honest with yourself.[00:25:14] The answer usually is inside and that comes from some internal work that you have to do yourself and don't judge yourself just. Allow yourself to be sad, allow yourself to grieve and never judge yourself and go there and share your suffering and share your pain because in pain we, we connect, um, We just, we have to just let go of this toxic.[00:25:44] Yeah, [00:25:45] that's for sure. Thank you very much for sharing that, that those two pieces are really good. I might, I think I would help our audience, so, yeah. Yeah, sure. thank you Alicja for coming and talking to me today I'm glad to have you, and [00:26:00] hopefully you will come back one day. [00:26:01] Alicja Pytlak: Yes. Thank you so much.[00:26:03] I'm sure we'll be in touch.