Join me and a group of experts as we collectively discuss imposter syndrome and how to overcome it.

This group of experts brings their personal and professional knowledge and experience combined with a history of success in business, and I know you will find their insight and experience valuable.

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My Guests: 

Donna Fairhurst:  Challenge refines or defines you! Surviving & thriving through blindness, polio, divorce, bankruptcy, and “YOYO TO GOD” near-death experiences, empowers Donna Fairhurst to live and coach from Zero to Clarity Principles to pivot from NO WHERE to NOW HERE. HUMAN BEING versus HUMAN DOING is a choice. Choose NOW HERE!

Website: https://DonnaFairhurst.com

Social: http://linkedin.com/in/donna-fairhurst-a96733a7

Elisa Boogaerts: Elisa is the founder of Inspiration By Elisa, a Transformational Speaker, and a certified Life Coach and Health Coach who specializes in confidence. Elisa’s passion is to help people confidently be themselves, realise their own worth and boost their self-confidence to go after what they want in their life. Her mission is to empower people to make a positive change in their lives so they can be happy.

Website: https://www.inspirationbyelisa.com/

Social: https://www.instagram.com/inspirationbyelisa/

Mia Moran: Mia Moran is a mom of three and coach who has struck her perfect balance between motherhood, wellness and work. She supports high achieving, female entrepreneurs, who are overwhelmed with the “life” and “wellness” pieces, find their version of balance. She is the host of the PlanSimple podcast, bestselling author of PlanSimple Meals, and creator of the FLOW Planning Method, the FLOW Planner, and FLOW365.

Website: https://plansimple.com

Social: https://instagram.com/plansimple.co

Monique McDonald: Before you appear on a podcast, give your next presentation or have a sales conversation, you might want to talk to Monique McDonald. MONIQUE is an award-winning, Grammy-nominated, Opera Singer and certified Conscious Transformational Coach. As an International Singer, Speaker and Emcee, Monique has a knack for making meaningful connections with audiences and helps others do the same with her unique coaching style. Known as the Magnetic Voice Mentor, Monique inspires entrepreneurs to develop their message and make a big impact to strengthen and elevate their stage presence, confidence, and mastery of expression. What if your next professional conversation or presentation could take your business - and yourself - to unprecedented levels? Are you ready to Unleash YOUR Magnetic Voice?

Website: https://www.themagneticvoice.com/

Social: https://www.facebook.com/monique.mcdonald.180

Nancy O'Keefe: Nancy OKeefe is a Certified Quantum Human Design Specialist and intuitive business coach, who helps women entrepreneurs peel back the layers of who they have been taught to be and how they have been conditioned to do business so they can build a business that feeds their soul. Nancy is an author, a certified Executive Coach from the College of Executive Coaching and holds an MBA from Babson College in Entrepreneurship.

Website: Www.NancyOKeefeCoaching.com

Social: Facebook.com/NancyOKeefeHumanDesignBizCoach

Nina Macarie:  a visibility expert helping female entrepreneurs get more visibility and connect with dream clients through podcast interviews. She is the creator of the P.I.T.C.H. podcasts framework, helping clients pitch themselves to the right podcasts with ease and confidence in an authentic way. After sending hundreds and hundreds of podcast pitches and also seeing what kinds of pitches are put out in the world, Nina knows exactly what elements to include in a successful pitch. Not only did she get amazing feedback from her successfully booked clients but she also impressed the podcast hosts to whom she pitched. Today, Nina’s mission is to help female online entrepreneurs, coaches, course creators, consultants, and podcasters get an amazing first impression as they start spreading their messages on other people’s platforms.

Website: https://oneluckystar.com

Social: https://instagram.com/nina_macarie

Susan Butler: As a Certified Financial Planner™ with over 30 years of experience in various aspects of the financial industry, and as a Certified Life Mastery Consultant, Susan helps women entrepreneurs develop an empowering relationship with money and finance so they can realize more prosperity, clarity, confidence, success and financial freedom. Some of the keys include mindset, paradigms, vision, perspective and practical knowledge. Susan has been called a Financial Therapist.

Website: https://myfinancialharmony.com

Social: https://www.facebook.com/susanthenightowl

Wendy Cocke:  Author of “Making Flex Work: Defining Success on Your Own Terms” is a chemical engineer by training and spent over 20 years in Fortune 500 companies leading technical teams across time zones, borders, and languages. As a working mother, Wendy Cocke has defined success on her own terms according to her personal values. About 10 years into her career, when her oldest child was still an infant, Wendy pursued a flexible work arrangement. She was told that while the company supported her desire to pull back, her career would stall and she would never move up in the organization. However, her successful negotiation of flexible working arrangements did not slow her career trajectory and eventually led her to publish a #1 bestselling book to teach others they can do the same. Prior to leaving corporate life in early 2022, Wendy spent over 20 years leading international technical teams in Fortune 500 companies in R&D, Supply Chain and Manufacturing organizations.

Website: makingflexwork.com

Social: linkedin.com/in/wendy-anderson-cocke

Hey welcome to she coaches, coaches, I'm your host, Candy Motzek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity, confidence and courage to become the coach that you were meant to be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to talk all about mindset and strategies and how to because step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and confidence to take action. Let's get started. There, and welcome to this episode of she coaches coaches, I am so glad you're here. I've got a special roundtable episode just for you. I gathered together a group of experts, each with a lifetime of experience, and ask them one question. Then I compiled all of their responses. So you're getting a whole bunch of responses an individual takes on one questions. This stuff is pure gold. I really enjoyed my conversations, all of my guests have such diverse perspectives, you're gonna want to listen carefully to what they have to say. So this is the question. Tell me about a time that you experienced impostor syndrome. And what did you do to get over it? So, imposter syndrome. This is in the news a lot these days. And it is so incredibly common for coaches and entrepreneurs to experience this, I have a different perspective. Here's my thought. We think that imposter syndrome is something to be solved. And usually, we experienced this kind of self doubt when we get to the next level, whatever level that may be. Now, new coaches might suffer from impostor syndrome. And then they get started, they signed some clients, they begin coaching and they make money. And they think they've got it beat, only to find out that they've signed a client who was super successful, and that person wants their help. And it might start all over again, the imposter syndrome has them asking themselves, who am I to be coaching this incredible human, they are so successful, they're going to find out I'm a fraud of fake. And that imposter syndrome raises its head again. I've experienced this so often myself, every time I get to a new level, you've heard that saying, right, new level new devil, well, impostor syndrome is kind of like that. One example is this podcast, not this particular episode, but the early episodes, I am so fortunate to have many loyal listeners. And I thank you for being here. And I found that when I was starting, I spent a lot of time in my head thinking, you're no expert, who are you to be sharing this, they're gonna find out you're a fake. And it went around and around and around in my head. And in fact, I even delayed recording my first episodes because of this. I got over it. Because my coach said to me, Cand, who are you recording this for? And I replied, coaches, of course, then they reminded me that I've coached hundreds of people, and I've coached for 1000s of hours, and that most of my clients stay with me for a long time, because the work we do together, helps them. So then my coach said, so don't you think that there are people who aren't your clients yet? Who could benefit too? Well, that was it. I pressed record. And now here you are listening. That's my story. Now, let's hear from the other experts. When do I have another question? Can you tell me about a time that you might have experienced impostor syndrome? And then what did you do about it? What did you do to get over it?

So as a female engineer, I've had lots of opportunities to have imposter syndrome. And somehow, it never hit me until I started writing a book. And when I started to write making flex work, every bit of impostor syndrome that I didn't know I had came raining down on me. I forgot that as a part of my career I had been writing. Every day, I was writing communications, I was writing technical documents. I was communicating very complex ideas. With this idea of putting my name on a book and having it published is very exposing. There's no team to hide behind. There is no moment to be able to undo or an to say or fix, it's there forever. And I really needed to find a safe space. So for me, as someone who didn't think she knew how to write, it meant finding people in my life who I trusted their ability to manipulate the English language and feeling very vulnerable with them and saying, Can you try it out? Can you read it, it also meant that I got, I made a sell myself a commitment to get onto social media and create new content once a month, which then turned into every other week, and then turned into once a week as I got more and more comfortable putting content out there. And then the last step was letting my husband read it. And I know that sounds crazy, and he is my biggest cheerleader. And yet, grammar is his thing. And so being able to hand him a finished manuscript right before it went to the copy editor, was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And he embraced the challenge, went and got some stickers from my daughter's arts and crafts, and put little hearts all over my manuscript on parts he liked.

Nice, I love it. And so here's what I heard is that, at one point, you, it didn't really become a thing. Imposter Syndrome wasn't a big deal for you in your career. And then when the writing happened, there was something that was really vulnerable. Exposing, I think you were the use that word exposing. And that was the thing that started at. And so I also heard that you took steps. But did you do something differently internally, to help you think differently about imposter syndrome?

That's a good question. I definitely had to give myself a lot more grace, I, I wouldn't say that I'm a perfectionist, but I definitely have a very high standard of quality for myself. And those very few first social media posts, I would spend hours tweaking the words and making sure it was just right. But then I had to really just give myself grace, that it's not going to be perfect, and it's going to be okay. And that being vulnerable is authentic. And that's okay.

Right. And in fact, not okay. Actually, I gotta say, I don't agree with you, Wendy. Being vulnerable is not okay. Being vulnerable is the only thing. Like, that's the place where we really deeply connect, right? And so when, and so when you took that step, like even though your husband is, is, you know, really supportive and encouraging and all that, but you took that vulnerable step and share the manuscript with him. Like, that's everything think of, I can only imagine how that has created a different connection for you together, right?

It really has Yeah, it really has.

Sounds great. I love it. I love that you did that.

And those little hearts. I mean, he knows my love language, right? Like he figured it out. So he's,

you need to take one of those pages and frame it.

Oh, I have the whole I have the whole draft manuscript in a file cabinet like, perfect. It's perfect. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Every heart sticker.

So Susan, I have a question. And it's about imposter syndrome. I found that imposter syndrome is really rampant among coaches and online entrepreneurs. Could you share a time that maybe you've experienced this? And what did you do to get over it?

Definitely. I'm in the financial industry and combining that with life coaching, and you often are coaching what you also need to learn. And it's kind of an interesting irony, but it feels hypocritical at times, and you feel like an impostor, like, oh, I should have all of this perfect before I'm trying to teach it to somebody else. And it's like, no, you do you still know how to teach it know how to help somebody else through the situation. But doesn't mean you necessarily have all your ducks in a row. And that's happened to me financially, you know, where I've had points in past years of high debt that I had to clear. And it's not I certainly wouldn't advise the clients to go into high debt or anything outside to take care of that myself, but I could certainly advise them what they needed to do.

Hmm, yeah. And also, oftentimes, I'm assuming your clients or, you know, a step back a step or two back, you know, like you're a step or two ahead of them in the journey. And so you might be going through that same learning again, but it's at a different level. While it's at the next level, it's not at the level that they're at. And so I kind of think that it's even more helpful when our clients know that we're not perfect. We're not like, we don't have everything all together, because then we're human, we can understand what they've gone through, right? Instead of just being a robot that sort of says, Do this, do that. And, you know, there's no connection,

when the client will feel like something is wrong with them if they can't do it, but I couldn't do it. But if they know that, yes, I've had difficulty also doing it then. And they understand my struggles and what I've been through, and I will tell them that I will share the information with them. And, you know, they can realize, yes, there are struggles, and everybody's going to have their struggles to get through. But you know, we're all human. Yeah, including the teachers.

Let's talk about imposter syndrome. Can you tell me a time that you experienced impostor syndrome? And what did you do to get over it?

I think I still experience impostor syndrome, even now, when I'm sitting here with you. Because when I started the business, I thought, you know, I have this admin background, all I'm going to do is to work behind the scenes, because I thought the stage is only for those glamorous entrepreneurs, or for the extroverted people, for the loud ones. And I am an introvert. I am a good listener, I do not talk much. But I love having deep conversations with my friends, are we the people that I know when I feel comfortable? So it was hard for me, I remember a client of mine, invited me on her podcast. And I said, No, because this is how terrified I was, I thought, Well, who am I to be on her podcast? What am I going to share. And then what I started doing was to join networking events. And you know, they those that had breakout rooms. And initially, I was always the last to speak. Because I don't know why I was waiting for the entrepreneurs who are professional speaker to speak first, because I thought that, I don't know, maybe what I have to share is not interesting, maybe it's too boring. But the more I did it, the more courage I got. And then I allowed myself to experiment. And I think this is the thing that helped me the most. Because when I allowed myself to do that, then I was able to get the coaching that I need it. And actually the same client that I mentioned, she, I was in her program. And then at the end of the program, she invited three of her students to be on her guest. And I felt so easy to do that because I knew her. It was always so easy to have a conversation with her. And I had just a friendly conversation. So then I, you know, gave my brain the evidence that you know what, even if I'm an introvert, even if I'm shy, I can do this because I love having conversations with people. And I love helping other people. And I got to even host my own audio Summit. And that was a great experience. And then now I said yes to writing a chapter in a book, actually, this year, I decided that I'm going to say yes to every opportunity that is going to help me as a person and as a business owner, because as you mentioned, we cannot separate this.

Right. Thank you. That was really great. So Nancy, I have a question for you. When is a time that you've experienced impostor syndrome, and what did you do to get over it? Imposter

syndrome? I think that when I was first starting out, definitely there was that fear. And I felt like an impostor. And it wasn't until I had a few coaching clients and realized I really was helping people that I you know, the fear went away and I you know, I realized I had something valuable to bring to the table and I was doing what I set out to do. But in the beginning, it is scary. You know, no matter how much you go to school, no matter how much you think you're prepared, you don't feel prepared in the beginning. It's kind of like driving, you know, you really don't learn to drive a car until after you have your license and you're actually driving the car. So just jump in, you have something to offer, even if it's just a listening ear. You know, one of the mantras of coaching is the fact that the client knows a lot of the answers. And your job as the coach is to ask the right questions. So even if that's all you can do in the beginning, there's a great service and just letting people be heard, because we don't listen. And we don't have a lot of that in the world today. So even if that's all you can do, and lend an encouraging word, you're still going to make a difference in somebody's life.

Yeah, very much very much. So. Monique, can you tell me about a time that you might have experienced impostor syndrome? What did you do to get over it?

So many?

I love that. How do I choose I'm the same way.

I think I'll start by saying something that I heard at a mastermind event that I was at a few few few weeks ago. He said if you're not experiencing impostor syndrome, odds are you're a sociopath.

I laugh but you know, I think it's true.

I think so too. I, I just experienced impostor syndrome. Actually, if I'm truthful, I was a guest speaker on the main stage here at PATA palooza. And there was a speaker that is somebody that I greatly admire, and is an amazing speaker trainer. And I saw and I spoke after him. And I started telling myself all of these things about like, what do I have to offer, he's so amazing. He said it all basically. And then the first thing I did was take a deep breath. And I reminded myself, that although there are many people that can speak to training speakers, or mentoring speakers, none of them are Monique. And so what I have to offer is my life experience. And my way of saying it, and I just reminded myself of that took a deep breath, and I went and I did my thing.

And we don't know who needs to hear it our way. They may have heard that same message a dozen times. But then when you said it, they heard something slightly different. And it's in that little tiny piece, right? That he can just, you can hear it so differently. And so you showing up as yourself with your experience your message, and getting out and getting out of your own way. Right? Absolutely.

Because when we're experiencing impostor syndrome, odds are we're making it about us, and not about the audience, and the people whose lives you might transform, just with your voice or your

talk. Yeah, well said. So me, I have another question for you. Can you tell me about a time that you've experienced impostor syndrome? If you do, and what do you do to get over it?

Alright, so I'm going to take you back to that time, when I don't think I was claiming the fact that I was a coach yet. I wasn't sure what I was. But I've always been an entrepreneur. So I started off as a graphic designer, I had a graphic design firm for a long time. And as I stepped into this role, I think I had already had coach training. And somehow I ended up on this path to write a book. So I wrote a book. And I decided that first book became a best seller. And then I decided that I was going to take my three then grade school aged kids out of school, this is like seven or eight years ago. So it was before the pandemic out of school for a year. And we were gonna go on a book tour. I thought this was a great idea. I don't know like where that came from, but I thought it was a good idea. So what we did it and I just remember this point where my husband looked at me and he's like, is this really worth it? It was like four weeks before and I was like, No, and I had a publisher who was like, getting me on TV spots. And I had a like team member who was booking me at more like conference type things. And then I had taken on responsibility for getting booked at schools. Because of the time I was doing a little bit more around parenting, and food and wellness. The book was called plan simple meal. So it was more about family dinner than exactly what I do right now. And so I was like, so I'll get on all these schools. And at the time, he asked me this, no one have a saying yes. So I had like three or four schools booked, I had thought I would have like 40. And I was like, shoot, who am I think who am I to take my kids out of school for a year and go on this book door? This makes no sense. And I think it was really important for me to acknowledge that imposter syndrome like that this is what it was. Because from that place, I was able to be like, okay, Mia, like, this isn't real, you made this choice. A lot of things have gone into place, like what's missing, what's the next step. And it was really interesting, because I had, I had picked up the phone so many times to call all these schools. And it was kind of like, if you got the right administrative assistant, who had had an issue with like food or dinner, then you would get sent to the next person. But not every administrative assistant had had this experience or even probably had kids for that matter. And so I just had this, like, quick idea to go into this Facebook group. And I did one post. And literally within 20 minutes, I had hundreds of replies from my, the people I wanted to talk to from the schools I had called, like, so from all the schools I had called, but they were parents, they weren't the school, and they all got me booked. So then all of a sudden, within like 15 minutes, I had this thing. So it was it was really important to recognize that it wasn't real, that it was imposter syndrome. And that I you know, if I got centered for five minutes, and figured out like what's, what is this showing me? And it showed me

that thing? You just said it and you said it in the first question as well. Let me just find it just a sec. It's the you had this idea. Like it just kind of popped into your head. Right? So you send to yourself. Is it annoying that you get or did you hear something like there is something special about that, that you've brought up that I think that we can all learn from?

Yeah, I'm a big proponent. It's part of our planning process that we now have, I'm a big proponent of a pause, and just stopping for long enough for that knowing to come in. And sometimes it's like, a strong but firm voice go to this thing. And sometimes it's just like, I look up and there's my inbox and there's like a message and it's like, oh, that's the one I'm supposed to click on. So I don't feel like it always. And I feel like it's different for everybody. I asked this question of many people now. So I feel like it's a little bit different for everybody. But the important part is that you stop long enough and allow yourself just even if it's for like 10 seconds, maybe maybe 20 to drop into calm, like to not be nervous or fearful or overwhelmed just for like a few seconds. So that you you're actually creating space.

And it's not about stopping activity. It's about allowing the pause like this to come to a place of space, right? Yeah, yeah. I love that.

I mean, some people might get it on a walk. I mean, talk about activity, like I mean, usually we have to pause writing or something, you know, like usually we just have to stop ourselves for a minute. But but you could surely be driving or walking or showering are sometimes the places where people have enough fuss that they get ideas.

Yeah. It's not the external activity. It's the mental act. It's the mental Yeah, shift. Right. Yep. Cool. Yeah. Thank you for that. That's so cool. So Alisa, I have a question for you. Tell me about a time that you experienced impostor syndrome. And then what did you do to get over it?

I would say that this was with my family when I wanted to talk about being a coach and that was being a coach and starting my own business because they felt like they didn't really take it seriously. Or, or that it's but yeah, you didn't really feel like I had a lot of their support and so I really felt that a bit of an impostor with that, you know, because I was just little Lisa and you know, I'm not really capable of anything and I'm just a girl and so what she's doing this thing and like what is coaching? I don't even know what that is and like, you know, the kind of like, she even had that too because like a lot of my career within soft or development in technology. And so when I think like my mother who's now at she's like, What do you do? There's no idea what that even is. And so even that was not a career with her. And I had to really be like, this is the thing, and actually, I'm quite successful at it. And so it's the same with coaching. I really, and I, because I was talking to my friends about it, and my circle, the people that that positivity we're talking about, they all knew about it. But with my family, I really was like, shy and held back and, and didn't want to tell them everything about it. And, but I did it anyway. I did just tell them, you know, I listened to, like, my coaches talk about like imposter syndrome and what that's like, and I knew that I just, like, needed to remember my why and know that this is like my passion, something like I really want to do. And, and I thought about things that they might say, right? Like, you know, what you can think of my mom being like, Well, why would you leave a good paying job for this thing that we don't even know? Like, if you had 97% of businesses fail, like, oh, yeah, there's like, I just knew that that was all going to happen. So yeah, I think that it was with my family, I felt the most as an imposter.

It's interesting, right? Because they love us. And so often, these things that they say are just because they're a little bit scared for us, right? And they're not familiar with it. And so they don't know any different. And they also have the, you know, all that knowledge of their interpretation of who you have been for a chunk of your life, this thing that you said, about, like, Why would you leave a good paying job, you know, to go and do something like this. And that's really speaks to our society that says that, you know, get a good job with good pay, and you're okay, to quote, A Pink Floyd song, right? But what we forget, is that we could get laid off from that job at any time, and a moment's notice, for no reason. Other than that, they just needed to cut some people. And there you go. So it really isn't safe and secure to have that job. But as an entrepreneur, doing what you do, remembering your why you might have to go and get a part time job sometime, or do some contract work to make ends meet. But you're never gonna give up because it really matters to you. Right? So that's the deepest sense of security that we have. What do you think about that?

Yeah, no, I totally agree with you. And you really need to remember that maybe that would be one another piece of advice. That you should, yeah, really? Yeah. Remember, remember your why and why you're doing it. And it's your passion. And that, and that is worth it. You know, like, think about how much we work and how much time we spend on that, that if you're doing something that just, you know, or it's just fine. It's not good. It's not bad. It's not like giving you anything other than money and security in that maybe we were talking about there might be security. So yeah. Yeah. And another thing actually, I was I forgot to mention about the imposter syndrome was that my older brother is has a psychology degree. And my older sister also did psychology in school, and she's now a nurse. And so I felt very much as an imposter with them. Because coaching is not a degree, yet it kind of some people sort of group it in the same sort of kind of industry, if you will. And I remember being very much like, he must think that this is a joke.

And what happened?

He actually I feel like we are having better conversations, because I can talk to some of what he knows. And we very much he respected it actually. And, and thinking about it, he's always been my biggest champion. And I don't know why I was concerned about it. But we now we can talk about stuff. And so he brings, like, you know, his knowledge and I can talk about what I know. And it's not a competitive thing. And actually, I feel like our, our relationships gotten closer because of it.

Ah, that's so great. And you never know, like, you know, it could go anyway, it could. And it's not an either or, but it's just so wonderful to hear that it's deepened your relationship instead of pulled, you know, created a distance for you. Oh, that's so great.

Yeah. And with my sister, she, like made the point. She's like, Well, it's interesting that, you know, we've both, like coming out of like, a childhood with our same mother to get to a place where we want to serve people. And that kind of gave us this common ground because we never really had that before. And that strengthened my relationship with her because that was like, Oh, yeah. Like this is like, we never realized that we both wanted to do that. And it was interesting that we're both in it in a position of wanting to help.

I have a question for you told me, do you ever experience imposter syndrome?

When I actually I didn't really know what that was, and I really didn't understand how it affected you. Until I I set my outrageous goal in 2022 on New Year's Eve to be a best selling writer. And I didn't know how that was going to look out, I just knew that I had a story. And it had to come out. And honestly, within four days, the universe sent me someone that invited me into a compilation. I wrote that just on the fly in a day and sent it off. And one month later, I was a best selling author. I've done that five times now with compilations and I'm three quarters of the way through writing my own book. Every single time I sat down for the first two times, I thought, I'm not a writer, what am I who am I to be doing this? Who's going to listen to me? What have I got to say? That's a value. And the feedback that I've received. And the validation that I have something real to share has allowed me to actually step into my storyteller power. For the first time. I've always been a storyteller. I didn't know that. That felt like an impostor syndrome moment to me.

Hmm, yeah. And I love that, you know, that we all experience it from time to time, or I'll say 90% of the world does. And then just remembering that you had something to share. And there's also there's something else that you didn't get into. But I think that there's something really interesting that you put down this goal, I don't know if it's a goal or a vision or, you know, like a larger purpose. And then the universe brought it to you. Right, like, it's just that quick, that it was ready to come to you. Yeah, that's pretty miraculous.

I think that's understanding the Power of I Am, I never set a goal with by saying, I will, I declare it as already complete. I am, which in every language however, it's translated is actually the name of God God in so when you express I am, you are actually God, God insane what you have already created, it exists in the field of infinite unity. And so anytime I set an outrageous goal, I declare it as an intention that is already complete. So my first goal intention for 2022 Was I am a best selling author.