For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Is anger truly a choice?

This episode of the Anger Secrets podcast delves into this profound question, exploring both the superficial and deeper aspects of whether anger is truly a choice.

Anger expert Alastair Duhs explains that while feeling angry is a natural human emotion, how you respond to that anger is where your choice lies. By becoming aware of your emotional triggers and recognising your early warning signs of anger, you can regain control of your emotions and decide how to react.

Alastair also emphasises the importance of understanding the thoughts and beliefs that shape your responses, ultimately empowering listeners to take charge of their anger and improve their relationships.

Join us as we uncover the layers of anger and equip you with the tools to manage it effectively.

Key Takeaways:

• Anger is a natural emotion, but how you manage it can greatly affect your relationships.
• Awareness of your anger is crucial; it allows you to choose your response.
• Recognising early warning signs of anger helps prevent escalation and promotes better control.
• Your thoughts and beliefs shape your reactions; you can choose to change them.
• Anger becomes a choice only when you recognise and are aware of your feelings.
• The way you perceive a situation influences your emotional response to it.

Links referenced in this episode:

For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/training/.

Have you ever lost your tamper with a loved one only to feel a wave of regret or remorse immediately afterwards?

Or maybe you've gone from feeling calm to furious in a few seconds or less, and afterwards wondered what on earth caused such a strong reaction?

You're not alone if you've answered yes to either of these questions.

Many people feel that losing their temper is something that is beyond their control, or that it is just something that happens to them.

But is this true?

Can you control anger?

Or is it simply an unavoidable reaction?

In today's episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, we're diving into these questions.

By the end of today's episode, you'll have a far better understanding of of whether anger is in fact a choice.

And you will know how to use this knowledge to control your anger better.

Hello and welcome to episode 107 of the Anger Secrets podcast.

I'm Alister Dewes and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and to more respectful relationships.

Here I share the same powerful tools and techniques that have transformed my clients lives.

If you would like free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the chance to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com I'd be honored to support you in learning how to control your anger once and for all.

Now let's get into today's episode.

Is Anger Really a Choice?

First, it is important to note that anger, like any other emotion, is a natural part of the human experience.

Everyone feels angry at some point in their lives and this is entirely normal and healthy.

But while everyone feels angry at times, how you manage your anger can either build or damage the relationships that matter most to you and profoundly impact every area of your life.

So while feeling angry is very normal, is it a choice?

The answer to this question is both yes and no.

This may be a little confusing, so let me explain.

Imagine you're in a heated argument with your partner.

Your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty, and you can feel your inner tension rising quickly.

Without warning.

Your partner says something that triggers you and before you know it, you've lashed out at them.

In this situation, did you choose to be angry?

To answer this question, it's important to understand that you only have a choice in how you respond to anger.

If you are aware you are feeling angry.

If anger blindsides you before you even know it's there, it's not meaningful to say that anger is a choice.

However, if you are aware that you are becoming angry, then in every sense, anger is a choice.

Let me repeat this once more.

If you are aware that you are feeling angry, then you have a choice in how you respond to feeling angry.

However, if you are not aware that you are feeling angry, then you are not making a choice in how you respond.

So how can you become more aware when you're feeling angry?

One of the simplest ways is to get better at recognizing your levels of anger is by noticing what I call the early warning signs of anger.

These are the physical, emotional, mental, and behavioral signs that tell you your anger is beginning to rise.

Some common examples of early warning signs of anger include physical signs such as a racing heart, a tight chest, or feeling hot.

Emotional signs such as feeling hurt, frustrated, let down, or embarrassed.

Thoughts such as thinking, I can't believe this is happening, this always happens to me, or they're trying to make me mad, and actions such as clenching your fists, raising your voice, speaking loudly, or or pacing up and down.

By learning to recognize your early warning signs of anger, you can catch your anger before it spirals out of control.

This awareness then gives you the chance to choose how to respond instead of snapping back at your partner or trying to prove your point.

For example, you can pause, take a few deep breaths, and calm yourself down before responding.

So yes, once you are aware you are feeling angry, anger is absolutely a choice.

And by choosing to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively, you can learn to manage your anger and improve your relationships.

That's my usual first answer to the question, is anger a choice?

It's only a choice if you're aware you're feeling angry.

But we can also take this a step deeper.

There is another layer to the idea that anger is a choice.

You see, how you respond in any situation is based on how you think about that situation.

And as I have said in previous episodes of this podcast, your thoughts are in turn shaped by your beliefs.

As an example of this idea, imagine that your partner says something critical to you, such as, you never listen to me or you always make everything about yourself.

If you think this criticism is a personal attack on you, you will likely feel angry in response to your partner's words.

However, if you think that your partner is sharing their perspective because they are feeling hurt or let down, or that they care about your relationship and want to improve things, you are likely to feel more open, less defensive, and far calmer.

So do you choose your thoughts?

In most cases, I'd say yes.

While many of your thoughts and beliefs are shaped in your childhood.

As an adult, you can challenge, adjust and rewire your thinking.

If a particular thought or belief leads to anger time and time again, you can choose to change it.

You are responsible for your thoughts and beliefs and you can choose to change any thoughts or beliefs that cause your harm.

Whether you actually make this choice or not is also a choice that is up to you.

So there you have it, summarising at the end of the day, I believe that anger is always a choice.

On a surface level, it's a choice you can make once you become aware that you are getting angry.

But on a deeper level, anger is a choice because you can choose the thoughts and beliefs that shape your responses.

Okay, thank you for tuning in to today's episode.

Is Anger a Choice?

I hope this episode has given you some fresh perspectives and a bit more control over your anger.

If you found today's episode helpful, please follow this podcast and leave a rating and review on your favourite podcast app.

Your feedback helps others struggling with anger to find and benefit from the show and remember.

For free support on your anger management journey, including free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit angersecrets.com I look forward to helping you take control of your anger once and for all.

Finally, remember, you can't control others, but you can control yourself.

Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.

The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.