Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

The conversation revolves around the topic of moving on from romantic disappointment, specifically dealing with unrequited love, cheaters, and ghosters. The hosts discuss the experiences of a friend who discovered that the person she was dating was seeing multiple other people. They explore the challenges of trust and moving forward after such a betrayal. They also touch on the phenomenon of Facebook groups where women post pictures of men they are dating to see if anyone else is dating them as well. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-worth, setting boundaries, and not letting one bad experience define future relationships. In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the importance of communication, moving on from past relationships, and setting higher standards for oneself. They emphasize the need to be upfront with partners, let go of relationships that aren't working, and have faith that everything will be okay. They also discuss the importance of self-discovery and self-care while being single, and the importance of not bringing old baggage into new relationships. They encourage listeners to have self-worth, define what they want in a partner, and be open to the possibility of finding a great relationship.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

better. And welcome to another show. Don't get this twisted. I am Rob along with my co -host his own is Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I'm hanging in there. My back is killing me, but I'm here.

Well, at least you're not sitting up, you're chilling out.

I'm chilling out, yeah. I couldn't, not today.

One of these days I'm going to have to make a short little video of it to show you. Like right now you're just like laying on your bed chilling the fuck out. So it's kind of cool.

Yeah, I have my my laptop on a box a file box so that it's like, you know, not right in my face, but that's it. That's it. Laying on the bed.

Nice, nice.

Good, good.

I went and had this massage today where this lady was literally standing up on the table and just like I felt like I was being wrestled the way she was doing it. But it did make it to where I could walk out of the place. So I shouldn't be, you know, unhappy about that.

No, that's a plus, right?

No, but seeing her, like, literally her elbow coming down on me and she's standing above me, I was like, freaking hell.

looking like a wrestling elbow drop. Bam.

Yeah, it did. It did. But you know what? I got a lover because it's actually helping me out here. So can't complain.

That's good. It was like.

Don't know if it was like that it was more like huh? It was one of those places where they could hear you moaning like somebody's like on the other side of the curtain I'm like It was one of those things so I'm sure I entertained whoever was on the other side of that curtain

Yeah, I know, I get it. Like, you know, when...

outside.

That's funny.

Mm hmm. So, so I got to this week's topic. I've been talking to a friend of mine who's kind of going through a shit situation. It's funny, like all of our friends or a lot of people that we know are going through either breakups from, you know, horrible narcissistic shitheads or

Yeah

This one kind of was a weird thing to me. She sent me a message saying do this show moving on from romantic disappointment, whether unrequited cheaters or ghosters because She told me about something I had no clue about I guess on Facebook there are groups of women who They have like a Facebook group that says are you dating this guy to?

and they like post pictures of dudes and then they wait and see if anyone posts on it at the same time saying, yeah, I'm dating that guy right now and they'll just obliterate the poor guy or say, or there'll be multiple women saying we're all dating him at the same time.

Hmm. I did not know of that.

Yeah, I didn't either thank goodness Because it really kind of gave me the X It it just made me feel yeah, that's a that's like the women term right the ik that's Yeah, that's and that's a that's a it's a girl term Basically, that's another thing girls go on like tik -tok and they make lists of all the X about guys and to if they do any of these X don't date them

The X.

never heard that the yuckies makes you feel yucky.

Seriously?

Yeah, your species is so fucking lost and hurt. Not maybe our age, but the species in general. Yeah, it's horrible, but...

Wow.

I have not seen any of this, so I'm gonna have to check it out.

Yeah, yeah, like, there's, I'll have to send you some, some YouTube videos of these, these guys. I have another show that we're going to talk about at some point, but we need to do a little research. Have you ever heard of the sprinkle sprinkle movement? It's a bunch of girls. We're going to do that because now guys are doing one called the drizzle drizzle, but we're going to, we'll do another show on that because we have to do.

No.

Ew, wait, wait, what does that mean though?

The Sprinkle Sprinkle thing was like girls posting things on TikTok saying, you know, he has to take you out to a four -star restaurant. He has to do all this shit for you. Well, guys now flip the script on it and their whole thing is drizzle, drizzle, like woman, you have to take me out. Don't call me unless you're buying me a brand new suit. Like, so guys are like flipping the script on chicks and they're doing it more as a joke, but I think that it's men waking up going, nah.

we're not doing that shit no more. Like, we'll go to Chili's and you'll like it. And I think there's going to be a battleground that's going to be set. But anyway, we'll do that on another show.

Hehehehe.

Well, you know, I think that men are right. Okay, but men are right to be like that if women are fucking with them. All right.

We'll do that on it, because I need to send you some shit. I need to send you a bunch of videos so you can see both sides and kind of understand the nonsense on it. But my friend over here, she finds out that this guy that she's been dating for quite a while is on this and has been seeing someone at the same time. I guess...

Yeah, yeah, let's see it.

went to her and said, hey, I had a heart attack. I can't see you for a little while. Kind of disappeared. Text here and there, but I guess they were having a pretty ongoing relationship. Saw each other, text, you know, communication, and then it kind of just kind of went dead. And she got kind of pissy because, you know, she found out that this guy has been dating other people. And I guess it was multiple girls. It was not just her. It was her and two other people.

Robb (05:55.316)

Yeah, or at least said that like in the last four months I have seen him too. Let's just put it that way.

Are they exclusive or are they just dating?

she thought they were exclusive.

thought or they had a conversation about it?

I think that there was a conversation. From what I understand, she had told me like it was pretty... like the guy was dropping the L word.

Robb (06:26.368)

Yeah, so, you know, yeah, I mean, look, I've said I'd love you to somebody before and I'm sure it freaked her out too, but she had said this, my friend here said that she had never said it back.

pretty serious.

just to be, but she was very into this relationship. So I had talked to her about it and she was like, I don't know what to do because like, obviously she had feelings and to kind of have the rug kind of pulled out from under you, she was like, you know, what do you do? Like, how do you go about this and then how do you go about?

you know, moving forward and having any trust in someone.

And I was like, well, that's a good question. I'll throw it at Tina because at least we'll have the female view of that. For me, I think it's a hard thing to move on from anything. I've been through something to like that where I thought I might've been the one getting picked between somebody and I didn't.

And two and a half years later, she broke up with that guy. And I was again, hoping for that and that didn't happen. But I think that circumstances are a little different because I don't think she needs to be dating anyone right now. And she needs to heal from her relationship. This girl, I think, really thought that it was. Again, I'm going by her conversation to me and what she told me about.

their relationship, that it was very like deep conversations. He spent the night there. Like it wasn't like he had to really be sneaking around and like doing homework because like to stay over at somebody's house you have to have you know excuses for everybody. You know it's not easy.

Correct. Yeah.

So I think that's the bigger thing too. She seemed, I mean, obviously not seemed, was very blindsided from it. Yeah, and look, I can imagine, and again, when you don't know someone or something happens out of nowhere, it kind of happened with me. Like I said, I had heard that someone had broke up with somebody and the first thing in my head was like,

Mm -hmm, totally.

wow. And then right behind it was like, yeah, she's already dating somebody. I was like, okay. In this case, it's Yeah, like, well, yes, that can we can argue that semantics as well. I'm sure she's learned from that as well. I think that jumping from relationship to relationship is why she's very scared to even date me. She just doesn't want to get caught up in that same thing again. This girl, I think.

Yeah, she was hurt.

What she was looking from the standpoint of this guy is very serious. He's saying I love you, you know, he's spending the night. We're spending time together. He has this heart attack. She's like, if you need to stay with me, I'll take care of you. Like really deep, like that's some deep shit. And, and I feel for her because I get it. Like you, she put.

Wow.

a lot of time and effort into this to find out that she was another person. And

You know, you can't feel bad for putting your effort into things. Like, you want to treat somebody the way that you want to be treated. And so you can't feel bad or you can't feel stupid or you can't feel anything for doing what you do on any given day. That's just who you are. And if you're a good person, you got to stay a good person. You just have to be that person that would be.

the one to go and help and do those things. But on the flip side, you should never beg anybody for love. Ever. That's something that I learned a long time ago and it has held fast for as long as I've been alive. Like, people are going to be who they're going to be. They're going to be shitty. They're going to be happy. They're going to be loving. They're going to be whatever they are because that's who they are.

The trick is you gotta find somebody who wasn't like completely...

abused or annihilated in the way that they were loved and and I think that that goes way back to being a kid you have to find somebody who who Comes from either a good place a good family where they're loved and they're secure and who they are or Somebody that really wants to be secure and fix the wounds that they have But if you're putting more into a person than they're putting into you like you got to stop

back up and not do that because it needs to be reciprocated and not not because you don't want anybody getting over on you. I'm not saying that but because if you're giving more than the other person then then you're not met at at the same place with things and when you're not met if you're not at the same place this stuff is going to happen if somebody's just like wanting to get laid and

He'll say the right thing or she will too. It's not just men. It's women as well. So if you want to just get laid, you'll say what you need to say to get laid. But if somebody does all these things and it doesn't work out, I always say count your blessings because you'll find out down the line wasn't worth it anyway. And don't

Right, I think you're true in this in what you're talking about too. This guy obviously has his issues.

totally. Yeah. If you can't tell somebody the truth as to why you're not going to date them anymore, and you've been dating them and there's somebody on the side, like, come on, that's just not even right. You got to be upfront and honest with a person and let them know where they stand at all times.

and end.

Right. And just to really kind of work somebody is horrible. And it sounds like that's what he was doing. Mostly if like the heart attack wasn't real. I think that that's just horrible.

Yeah, if somebody's if somebody's actually freaking saying that shit and it's not real count your freaking blessings you got out of that because if he's gonna fake a heart attack what else is he gonna fake to get his needs met anything and that love that just shows he doesn't know how to be a human being if he's going to that depths.

Yeah.

It would be anything. Yeah, it would be anything. Yeah, that's, that's the

Exactly. It's the ultimate manipulator that the ultimate narcissist is what that is. That's it's very similar to my friend down the street with how this her old man was was treating her. This is the same way in this case, though, obviously he was probably doing it with several women. But I I don't know, I don't understand some of the the the thing behind it just because I'm not built like that, like I don't.

For me, it's hard to look at a guy like that and from top to bottom go, piece of shit. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't treat people like that. And I don't want to treat people like that because I don't want to be treated like that. So it's hard for me. And I'm trying to say things to her. And sometimes it comes off, I'm sure mean, or it comes off...

Well.

maybe just kind of lackluster where I'm like, yeah, I mean, I get it, but look, you have to move on. We all have to move on at some point. But in her case, it's like, what do you do going forward when this, my thing is how do you trust going forward? My friend down the street said that to me. I don't even know if I wanna do this again. It's like, yeah, I get you because now you don't.

Yeah.

Your belief in the other sex is very difficult.

And it shouldn't be one person doing something stupid doesn't mean everybody is stupid and doing wrong to you. That's not the case. Not all men are fucked up to women. Not all men are are just trying to get what they want out of life and out of you and out of everything else. You quit picking fucking idiots. You know, I'm sure if you had gone down the list, you had seen signs from the get. So you may feel a little.

you know, like upset with yourself that that you didn't listen to the science, but ultimately he's just an asshole for for treating you the way he did. That's on him. Don't get caught up in this is me. This is everybody. This is this. This is that it was one situation with you and one person. And I always say whenever somebody doesn't want to love you and it's over, count your blessings because you don't know what you're being spared.

You don't know what you're being saved from having to deal with. Let that person go and know that it's not about anything but that person. You just can't put everything on yourself. You have to be accountable for who you are as a person. You have to like look at the look at your place in this person's life when you were with them. But if you were good to them, fuck them. Let them go.

It doesn't, it's as simple as that. And it's not the, it's not like the next guy's fault either. Don't take it out on the next guy either.

Yeah.

And I think.

Right. And I kind of said that to her and you know, the next guy might help you heal. You know what I mean? Like maybe you will go down the line and find somebody. She's using the dating apps, she said. So like, I think that she's very open to it. I just think that now...

She did kind of say something to me like, yeah, I probably shouldn't date for a little bit just to kind of get my bearings. And I was like, there's nothing wrong with that. I think that you're fine with that. But you're right, Tina, the next guy can't get the brunt of it. You have to look past it. Yeah, because you might not do, you might not take the chance on the good thing because you think,

No, because you'll screw him. Yeah. There's...

it's me or and it's going to happen again, it's going to do this. You can't live like that. You have to live with, hey, the next thing might be the best thing.

And listen, you should always put yourself in the best light possible. You should always try to be the best person to everyone else that you could possibly be. Be honest, be upfront, be open and lead by example. If you lead by example, the type of person that you are and that you will, you'll attract the same type of people. Not that's not a total guarantee because we're on this earth to learn lessons. However,

Don't think that one person makes it, should screw it up for everybody. Don't think like that. Not everybody's the same. And there's a lot of lonely people out, of course, because there's all these apps. Like your chances of finding somebody are higher if you didn't, you know, than if you didn't do it. So be on the apps, but be choosy and don't...

You know, somebody said something that was really kind of funny and I thought about it and I would say that I've even at times been guilty of it. And what they had said was, see the person for who they are and not the little script you're writing that you want to have with them, not the little storyline that you want to have with them. Because if you're writing a story and you're making them out to be something that they're not, then...

You're telling yourself a story. You know, be honest with who this person is and how they're treating you. And you don't need to, you don't need to be anything to them or do anything to them to make them like you. If they're going to like you, you don't have to do shit. They're just going to like you and quit making them bigger in your head than what they actually are in your life.

That is definitely correct. And I think with this guy, I'm gonna go out on a limb, because I really didn't get too deep with her about what happened, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there was probably a cutoff time where she saw something and was like, huh, but let it slide. Because we all kind of let it slide on certain things because we're like, well, it's not too bad, because maybe it wasn't a red flag, but.

Mm -hmm.

It was a yellow flag and I'm like, okay, yeah. And then it kind of slid and it kind of slid. And it's kind of like the thing where if you make plans with somebody and then every time they flake, it's like sooner or later you have to go, okay, they don't want to see me. And I think she said the last few weeks were kind of like that, where it was just, I want to see you. Okay, it didn't happen.

Mm -hmm.

I want to see you, but no, it's I don't feel good because I, you know, did this heart attack thing. So. Look, there sometimes there is writing on the wall and and people are making excuses for whatever reason they're doing it right. In this case, obviously the guy had a second life. I find it. I find both sides of it kind of irritating that there's a, you know, Facebook groups about this kind of shit where.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, that should have been a whole podcast on its own.

You know, you could be dragged through the mud by a bunch of people who are just lying. Right? She had told me certain things about this guy and the things that she read, and it seemed like he got his dick in a vice. Like, because it was like by name and by where he lived, and there were certain things that were definitely there.

But I just think that, but I think by going forward and just talking about the issues in general, look, I understand women have, are always looking for the next information on the person they may date, right? You meet a guy on an app, you throw his profile picture up on this thing and go, hey, has anyone dated him? Or is anyone dating him right now? You're going to get,

the worst of the worst and the best of the best. And you're never gonna get the middle ground. You're never gonna get, you're gonna get that he was a fucking asshole, he's a narcissist, he's a piece of shit, and you're gonna get the far end of going, hey, we had really good dates, he was fun, it just didn't work out. You're not gonna get the center of that where it's like, yeah, I dated him for a year and things were great and he, you know, he met someone else and it ended.

That's like the middle ground. That's a real relationship, right? So I think that it's fair and unfair what's going on with this. That my friend saw this is good for her. I think long run, you're right.

But why would you want to put, if you're, if you're...

person that's got so much time that you could get on, find these freaking groups, post shit about it, find out about it. Like maybe you should not be dating anybody and you should be working on yourself because who, who wants to put all that on themselves? And if you're checking people, you already know the answer to that. You don't even need that group. If you're checking on somebody, you know, something's up. Get away. Why put your, why put your, why?

Yeah.

Why make yourself hate? Why make yourself want to be pissed off and and frustrated and hurt? I have I have been with several men over the course of my life and I noticed that the man that they were with me the men that they were with me was not the way they were with other women. My relationship with them was exclusive to me and my interactions with them and

I've heard some shitty stories about what they've done. I've heard several. I've, I've, I've, I've thought to myself, how in the hell can they even look at me and say that? That what an asshole. But they never did that to me. So you got to judge people by who they are with you and, and, and act accordingly. You know, you don't give more than what you get.

Mm -hmm.

You don't not listen to the warning signs unless you don't care. If you don't care, it's no big deal. But if you do care, you should be watching that all along from how they are with you, not how they are with everybody else.

I mean, I don't know what you do, but years ago when I did go on apps and date, I remember going out with one person that was like, yeah, I Googled you. And I don't know if other dudes do it. I mean, I went on several dates. I mean, more than one, more than a few. I went on several dates a couple of years ago. And I never Googled anyone. But I also think that maybe...

I still don't.

But I also think it's the men to women thing. They're like, they wanna make sure you're not a fucking predator or have been in prison or whatever, whatever your backstory is. I guess in my case, when I went out on dates, when I was doing it, my whole thing was to have dinner and talk and go home.

I had no misconception of trying to have a one night stand with anyone, anything like that. That was the farthest thing from me because first of all, I don't want to put my foot in that trap because I think things come with having sex too early. You end up putting your foot in a bear trap and you got to saw your own leg off.

yeah.

Well, you really don't know the person at that point to know what's gonna come next. So you take your chances for sure.

Great.

So for me, I didn't, I know I never thought about that. I also, you know, it was very public, went to, you know, went to a restaurant, talked and went home. I made sure that it was, you know, I went on dates where I didn't even hug the girl. Cause I was like, it was during the whole me too thing. And like, I was like, I didn't even know how to go out on a date with people anymore. You know, it's like, okay. And even now it's like, I don't know, I don't know what I would do.

I mean, thankfully, even with friends, like the girl down the street sometimes, like, I don't know if I should hug her or not. I have feelings for her, she might not with me. It's like, is it too much? We have a past, blah, blah, blah. So in this case, modern dating is fucking crazier. Like, I'm a hugger. So now it's like, I almost want to go up to some, I almost want to go, hey, is it okay if I hug you? Like, because we're kind of in that weird place.

Then you should do it.

See, and that kind of bothers me when people do that to me. I'm like, just give me a hug. Like, it doesn't need to be such a big deal. I'm not saying grope me while you're hugging me, but hugging is good, you know? Like, people need to quit being so weird. Like, just quit being weird.

Well, I hope not.

Yeah.

you know, if if Tam could hear us right now, hugging is is so necessary. Yeah, very necessary. You know, one of these days we're going to have to do a show on communicators as a class that we took in high school. That was such an important class.

necessary for life. It is...

my God, it's been so long. Yeah.

And I really wish that that would happen because learning how to hug people would help you move on in some of these things and be a better mate. And, you know, and again, also maybe, you know, flesh out people and go, man, this isn't a good sign because of this or this. I think in her case, you know, moving on is difficult, regardless of...

the situation, regardless if it's, you know, two months, four months, six years, doesn't matter. Moving on is difficult. Once you have a attachment to someone. Obviously, the guy was saying, I love you. So like, I would never say that he didn't have feelings for her. I think that that's an untrue statement. I think that he was probably getting something from it.

Mm -hmm.

and more than sex, because from what I understand that it wasn't a purely sexual relationship anyway. So he was getting something from the relationship he wasn't getting somewhere else. So maybe it was being intimate and cuddling and being more in a relationship atmosphere, and it wasn't just a sexual thing. And I understand that part. I think that I miss that about a relationship. I miss...

being able to go to sleep with somebody. So I can get that. Like it doesn't have to be just sex. It would be nice to, you know, every blue moon or have someone that I could lay in bed with and cuddle with and, and get that part of it. I understand that, but you know, not being upfront with her is a whole other monster in itself. Like you have to be upfront with people and her moving forward.

Mm -hmm.

And you just have to know that... Go ahead. Go ahead. You just have to know that not every relationship is meant to work out, too. Like, there's so many people that just blip in and out of your life and the course of your life that you don't even, you don't even acknowledge half the time. And here you're putting all this effort into somebody who should have just been a blip. Let it, let it...

Mm -hmm. No, no, you can go. You just have to what?

You have to let go and you have to have faith that everything's going to be okay, that you're going to find the person that you're meant to be with and also be grateful. I find for me that when things don't work out with somebody, I'm grateful because I know that when I've tried to push or stay in situations I shouldn't have been in.

I got hurt in multiple ways, not physically beat up or anything like that. I'm not even talking like that, but like you get hurt. Yeah, you get hurt because it it's not meant to be. So I always say thank you for letting me find out now. And that was in every relationship I've been in. I don't know where who taught me that at a very early age, but to be grateful it's over.

No, mental strain is way worse. Yeah.

That doesn't mean that you're not gonna miss a person. It doesn't mean that it's not gonna hurt a little because when people aren't around, it does hurt. The finality of not having somebody that you cared about in your life, no matter friend or relationship, it hurts. But do it, do it, yes. And do it in a...

Mm -hmm. Sure. Yeah, because they become part of you.

a way of gratitude so that you don't have to be so caught up in everything else because you really don't. If somebody's not going to love you, let them go. You know, and that's that's for every relationship. I mean, I've had to deal with that with with my my daughter. You know, somebody doesn't want to be around you. Somebody doesn't want your love. If somebody doesn't want your goodness, blow them a kiss and let them go. There's nothing.

Right. Yeah, I...

you could do to fix that. People will have a relationship with you if they want and if they don't want you can't do a damn thing about it.

Correct. And I think in her case, she has to look at the brighter side of it, like you said, that, you know, heaven forbid it would have been another six months, another year. And then you find out, then it's, you know.

or you moved in together and you got money together and then all of a sudden you can't pay rent because he just up and left. Like, how the hell with that?

Yeah.

Right, exactly. You're getting the information upfront and not waiting. Look, my friend down the street says she was unhappy six months into her relationship. She lasted two and a half years. We could argue that point until we're blue in the face, but I think a lot of it also was, like you said, financial, where you're just like, fuck, now what do I do?

Why'd she wait so long being miserable? That's what I don't understand.

Yeah.

And and it's look, I know several people who have stayed in horrible relationships because of finance, because one couldn't get out. You know, I told you before, you know, I've said it many times on this podcast. I have enough money saved up in a certain special account that if I ever move in with somebody and it ends, I can get out, get an apartment first and last month. I have enough to start a new life and I'll never, ever spend that until I have to, because I won't get caught up in that.

That's a good thing. Yeah.

I've seen it before. I saw my friend down the street in a miserable relationship for a long time because she was scared, couldn't get out. You're financially in. My friend in Vegas, same fucking thing, financially in, afraid, hadn't worked in a long time. You know, I have the Dillinger escape plan. I will not be caught in that relationship ever because I don't want to be. And...

Yeah, so at that point, I think they gave me five grand and that's what started my life again. So it, I got lucky.

Nice.

Wow.

You know, I often look at my relationship with my ex -husband and think, man, what was I thinking leaving him? Because we do get along very well, even still. There was a lot that went wrong. I understand why we went, why we left each other, chose to call it quits. But in the reality of, like, I hear all these women are talking about how they stayed and it was so much worse. He and I didn't have a horrible relationship.

I just wasn't happy and he wasn't happy, but together we were always friends. We always took care of what we were supposed to take care of. We got along.

Mm -hmm.

probably better than most married couples do. But at the same time, it wasn't right. And I think now that I got out, I'm like, wow, I must really sound like a baby talking about this man, because I hear all these horror stories, because it really can be that bad out there. But here's the difference. You cannot settle for less. If you're not happy, you need to go.

Mm -hmm.

Go before it gets so bad you can't stand the person. Go before you're in a place where you can't get out of it. I am so grateful now that we did it and now it's behind us and now we look at each other in a totally different way. And I like hearing life is good. And I like that when we're sitting together, we're talking, we genuinely do enjoy each other's company. I think because we didn't let it get so bad.

Right.

And I think that if you've ever cared about somebody, you need to treat them like this is still somebody that meant something to you and treat them with that respect. There needs to be that. And I think that we often find people that don't have the same values, that don't see things the same way, and we allow them to screw us over. And we need to stop that.

We need to have higher standards. We need to start looking at things way before you're stuck in a situation where you cannot leave. We just need to start. And women, you know, if you were not so fucking stupid sometimes and put all your eggs in one basket before you even know anything about this man, you would have better relationships. You would have better relationships because you took the time and you didn't find...

somebody to call daddy and want to take care of you. Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do for yourself and look for a partner that you could be a great partner to.

Mm -hm.

I'm so frustrated with women these days because all I'm hearing is Poor me poor me poor me this guy was it was an asshole was this or that and then you hear the guy side You're like damn. No, you were the asshole chick and You're lucky. He's lucky. He got away from you because what do you expect? What do you expect? Do you want somebody to pay for you get a dad? like Don't get a mate

Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I agree with you. And I think it's both sides. You're totally correct. There's narcissistic women who do horrible things to men and there's men who do horrible things, but you both need to get out. And I think that most of the people that the women that I've talked to that have got out of really shitty relationships take their part. Like they would tell you like, yeah, I was a bitch.

and I could be like this. But I also think that the other side generally brings that out of you. Right? I know people who...

Well, you want to find a relationship where somebody brings out the best in you, not somebody that wants to fight all the time.

Of course. Well, I think you need to find somebody who wants... You know, we talk about it on here all the time and whatever you believe your peace is. If you're not going to be with a mate that go, I hope I bring them peace and I hope that I bring them good, you're in it for the wrong reason. My whole point of wanting to be in a relationship is to be happy and to make sure that I bring the person that I like and or love peace, that I'm there.

they're rocked to be with and the person they can say anything to and know it's not gonna go anywhere and I'm not gonna judge them for whatever. These are the things that like you said, you need to know what you're looking for before you start. Or if you, not to toot my own horn sometimes, but if you know that the person is worth it, make the try. We talked about it last week with seizing the moment.

Mm -hmm.

You can seize the moment and get screwed, but you can also seize the moment and do good. And I think that those are the two things. You talked about.

But isn't that with anything in life you have to risk? You just have to.

You know, I, there's this Matthew Hussey, who's the book that I read from a couple of weeks ago. He, he said the best thing I've ever heard and about settling that nobody wants to settle, right? Don't settle, settling's bad. And he goes, we need to redefine what settling means. You can either settle for or settle on because if you're settling on it, you've thought it out.

You know what it is. You've settled on this. When you go to buy a car, that's what you do, right? You test drive a bunch of shit and you settle on the best one. You don't settle for it. You don't go, man, I really want that blonde right there, but I'm going to settle for the brunette over here that, yeah, she's all right, but that's not what I wanted. And I love that idea of settling on is okay. That means that you've...

done your research, you know who she is, you know what it is, and you're going there. If you're settling for something, you're in it for the wrong reason. And if you're settling for it, you know there's something better out there that you can be with and be happy. And I think that that's what this girl needs to start looking at is that maybe you were settling for this guy who was just a shitty person, and the next person you might have...

a chance to settle on because they are the person that you either should or need to be with. I've tried to be the best and tell her everything's going to be okay and the world is going to push you in the right direction for the next guy. She's also a little damaged and I think, look, she's 40 something years old like us, we're damaged. We come with some luggage. I just want some luggage that...

that matches mine. Like I'm okay with luggage, bring it on. You know, I understand, you know.

I would like to have my own and not be judged by other people's other people's shit that they threw at the person. I would really like to be able to come to the table being who I am and just go look I don't do that shit quit quit holding me accountable because that makes me want to run faster than anything.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. I posted something on Instagram, but I think it already came down. Yeah, it was like some relationship tips of what not to do. And one of them was like that. Like, don't bring up old divorce and or old breakups. Like, you don't bring that up with your mate. Like, if you would have been better, you wouldn't have got broken up with, or you would still be married. Like, you don't do say shit like that. These are the things.

Or they'll say something like, this is, you know, yeah, I knew you were just like her because you do this. Well, maybe look at what you're doing. If more than one woman is doing that to you, what is it that you're doing to make them like that? Because there is cause and effect. You know, so it's like, yeah. And I think that for me, that's probably the, I don't know, that bugs me because I'm like,

Sure, there's a common denominator.

Okay, so I am that bitch, so we should just break it off now? Because I don't want to go through that either.

Well, I... Right, that kind of came up with me and my friend down the street one time. She was like, you know, you want to date me and I'm not very good and blah, blah, blah. And then what happens if you find out I'm an asshole? And she always says that I'm an asshole. And I go, OK. I go, but if I never find out that you're really an asshole, I'm always going to think you're great. So.

Yes, maybe that is going to happen and there is a common denominator. Maybe she's it, but I don't know that. And in this case, you know, maybe this guy was the common denominator. Obviously he was fucking around on her with other people. So, but to think like that you're, that, you know, you're going to, you know, look, people ghost each other all the time now. This is another, you know, bad thing with this crazy relationship.

Yeah, that's it.

They just stop talking to you. And all of a sudden it's like, bing, like, you know, or, or, you know, you text somebody and then they text you fucking two days later. Like, yeah. Like nothing happened. And, you know, so I think, you know, romantic disappointment is horrible and it's, but we can't get away from it. If you want to be in the, in the dating pool, or if you want to be in love, there's, you have to take the chance of disappointment, right?

Cheaters, you can't do anything about. They're gonna cheat or they're not. So if you, I...

And that's not about you, that's about them.

Well, that came up in a conversation with someone close to me that was like, hey, you know that it's happened before, would you trust this person? And I was like, of course I would. And they're like, well, why? Because it happened before. And I went, yes, but you got to understand that if you don't go in with some kind of trust, that it would never work anyway. Would it be in the back of my mind?

Maybe but i'm also the kind of person that let my ex -wife go out dancing until four in the morning at clubs and it took it took me reintroducing her to Her current husband before she did it. So You know life works in a very bizarre way where she wouldn't be with the husband She's with that she cheated on with me if I wouldn't have been on a job that introduced her to her next husband

Well, and that's not necessarily true either. Like she was looking for a way out or she was looking for something that was out far before that. You don't just wake up one day and go, I'm just going to cheat. Somebody was feeling some sort of way way before that happened. And...

That could be...

But I also think that it probably didn't help. He was an old boyfriend from high school. It was like the perfect storm. But you're right. I think if you are looking for a way out, you're gonna find one.

Right? And that also happens. With the ghosting thing, man, I think that that's just the reality of the world today. I mean, you could go out on a date, think you had a great time, and then you go to message the person on the dating app and they're gone. Instead of just saying, yeah, I had a good time, but yeah, you're really not for me. It's like, okay. I mean...

You're absolutely gonna find.

Well, because people aren't stand up anyway right now. Like, you know, I think people are afraid to tell the truth because of situations that have gone on, you know, between men and women that they don't feel like they could even communicate, which is the start of the downfall of relationships not communicating. So for me, it's like, you don't want to talk to me. I mean, again, I'm not going to force myself on anybody.

But like if I if I've texted and you don't want to text back, don't think I'm going to chase your ass. I'm not. And don't. And however you treat me is the treatment you're going to get back. So if you're not answering my texts, I'm not going to worry about answering yours. My life is just as busy. I just don't complain about it as much.

Mm -hmm. Well, I think...

Mm -hmm.

Right, this is important.

Yeah, so.

I

I... people just need to quit being dicks. Like, ultimately that's what it goes down to.

Yeah, I think that the problem with modern dating and modern relationships like this is it's too easy, right? Let's say you go out your bar hop and you meet this girl at the bar. She's really nice. You exchange numbers or Instagrams, whatever it is now.

Both of you are probably are still dating other people and looking through so, you know, but neither of them will ever say it because you want to keep that communication open instead of just going, hey, I think you're cool. I like you. Why don't we date? But and or and if you say that to somebody and they're not into it, go, OK, yeah, I just want to date other people to cool. So it gives me an out or.

But if not, some people will say, hey, I'm into you, blah, blah, blah, and then just nothing and you disappear. So I think that the disappointment part in getting over relationships, mostly something like this that she went through where you find out someone was being just horribly bad to you. I'm sure it's like walking through a minefield to get to the next gentleman, right? Because the first thing in your mind is, am I going to end up with the same guy?

Am I going to end up with this narcissistic freak? Am I going to end up with this guy who's going to cheat on me? And it's both sides. Look, I know guys who've been cheated on by girls and it breaks them. You know, and I mean...

Why would you even ask that though? I don't look at it that way. I never say I'm gonna, I hope I don't end up with this or that. I call the shots. Everybody calls the shots. Don't end up with somebody like that. Don't waste your time. You see it coming, don't let it happen. Like, we as people need to start holding ourselves in high regard. And as we do that, everybody else will start to, it's like,

Mm -hmm.

You know, it's all these TikTok videos where the guys were getting out of the car and doing the dance, you know, because all of a sudden it was a cool thing to do as their cars moving down the way. How many fucking people got on board that? So if they could get on board doing that, then why can't we as people lead by example, be better people, act a different way, do better than the last and expect more from everybody else? And maybe that shit will catch on.

Right.

Mm -hmm.

Well, there you have it. Let's end it on that because I think you're correct. Like, stand up, have some self -worth, know that you're worth something. And I think in the end, the good people will come around.

You are going to attract what you think about yourself. So if you're thinking that you're gonna pick this because that's what you're picking for you, that's exactly what you're gonna get. Change the storyline, change it and be better to yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it takes a lot to change that, but unless you change it for yourself, you're always going to get stuck in the same bullshit and you're going to end up in the same situations with the same kind of people.

And you know what? Being single is not that bad. It's a time for self -discovery. It's a time for self -expression. It's a time for you to get your shit together. Use it. Because we don't always... I was thinking today, I was like, wow, I got a little bit of time. I'm going to go get this massage. When was I married that I had time to do that? Like, you had to carve it out to kind of get that time and...

And now I'm thinking, you know what, that wasn't that bad. I got a massage. I got to take care of myself. I got to do things I needed to do for myself. And and I feel pretty good. So. Find the happy in whatever it is, whatever situation you're in with whatever, whether you're married, you're divorced, you're single, you're with somebody, you're long distance dating, whatever it is you're doing.

Right.

Your relationship should be your solace. So find something that brings you some peace and some love.

Yep, I agree. And look, if you're in a bad situation and you're moving on, I think finding yourself, finding time to be alone and healing is the foundation of the next relationship you'll be in.

It really is necessary because you don't want to bring old baggage to a new situation.

Yeah.

Exactly. And thankfully, like for me, I've been, see, I've been single so long that I healed a long time ago. So I know what I'm looking for. But I think it's difficult for people like this, this girl who now is looking at relationships again from a very hard and shady side. And instead of looking at it from the standpoint of, look, you'll, there's still other good people out there. It's, it's just going to take a little time.

And don't take your old shit to a new party. Like don't. Don't bring... So the guy fucked you over. So the guy was a liar. That was one guy. One guy. One situation. That's not every situation.

Maybe the next guy is a great one. Or girl. Whatever.

Absolutely. My dad used to say you have to kiss a hundred frogs to find your your prince. I would say it was more like a thousand. But he was right. You have you go through all these relationships and you learn what you want. You don't want what you need, what you can handle, what you what you see yourself with and and let them go with with love. Just let them let the more you let go, the faster it is and the more space.

Mm -hmm.

You leave in your life for somebody great to come in, it'll happen. But when it does, don't fuck with them either. Like, be ready for it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, my thing is this is if you realize that someone's great, you better get them why they're still there.

Mm -hmm.

Because one day they're gone. And then then what then you live regret for the rest of your life saying, you know, what if what if and and if you're in the other side of that. Yeah, and then the other side of that is if you get out of some shitty relationship. It was one shitty relationship or it was six shitty relationships before it. The next one could be great. So don't don't take it as.

and you have to trust.

That's it.

Mm -hmm.

a shot forever, it's a shot that, look, you should learn from all of them. And if you go into the next one with a different view, a different person, and a different kind of human, you could end up with a really good relationship. Because, look, the girl down the street is nothing like the people that I've ever been in a relationship with. But I still wanna try because there's other things that make it work. This other girl, she'll find a different person that is...

Maybe a lot like this guy that screwed her over, but a good guy. So. All righty. Make sure you check us out on social media as Facebook, Instagram X. You can check us out on YouTube, YouTube Music, Apple, Spotify, everywhere you can hear podcasts for everywhere. Make sure you keep sharing. We got the Netherlands. That was a new country. Yeah. And someone up north in California is.

Hey!

downloading shit tons of this show. So thanks for catching up. Cause I think that's what you're doing. And,

Yeah, send us a message in social media. Let us know who you are.

A message on Facebook. Yeah, because I mean a lot, teenagers, a lot. Yeah, I mean, it's outside of Oakland. I don't know anyone up that far, but yeah, they're listening and keep sharing, please. If you like the show, copy it, send it to some other person and say, hey, listen to this and tell me what you think.

We're trying to figure out if we know you.

Even if you do know us, you don't have to tell them that you know us. Just have them listen to the show and give you a review, because I'd love to hear from other folks. And at the end of the day, this is an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. For Tina, I'm Rob, and we'll see you next week. Later.

Yes.

See ya.