Hey there, friends! Today, we're diving into the nitty-gritty of how time can quietly turn your marriage from cozy to a bit distant without you even noticing it. Most couples don’t wake up one day and decide, “Hey, let’s stop talking!” Nope, it’s usually a slow fade. One busy day rolls into a week, then poof!—you’re both wondering how you ended up like two ships passing in the night. We’re chatting about the patterns time creates in your relationship and how those patterns can steer your love boat in the wrong direction. So, grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and let’s explore how to keep the spark alive and reclaim that quality time! Couples often find themselves drifting apart without even realizing it. It's not like they wake up one day and decide to stop talking or being affectionate. Instead, it happens quietly over time, like a slow leak in a tire. One busy day turns into a busy week, which morphs into a busy season, and before you know it, those meaningful conversations and quality time spent together are a thing of the past. We dive deep into the importance of recognizing these patterns in our relationships. We explore how time builds patterns that can either bring couples closer or push them apart. It’s not about avoiding mistakes; it’s about being aware of how little moments of disconnection can form larger issues over time. The episode emphasizes that your marriage's outcome is not determined by a single moment but by the cumulative effect of your daily choices. I mean, who wants to look across the room at their partner and wonder, 'How did we get here?' Let's chat about how to redeem that time and reconnect!

Takeaways:

• Most couples don't wake up one day and decide to drift apart, it just happens.
• Busy days turn into busy weeks, and before you know it, you're disconnected.
• It’s not just a missed conversation that ruins a marriage, but repeated patterns can lead to disconnection.
• Awareness of time spent is key; your calendar reveals priorities more than intentions do.
• You can redeem your marriage time by recognizing distractions and adjusting your patterns.
• Your current marriage struggles don’t have to define your future; change is possible with intention.

Links referenced in this episode:

• inspiringmarriages.net

https://inspiringmarriages.aweb.page/free-marriage-audit-couples

Most couples don't decide to drift apart.

They just don't wake up one morning and say, we're going to stop talking.

We're going to become less affectionate.

We're going to stop spending meaningful time together.

It happens much more quietly than that.

One busy day becomes a busy week, and then a busy week becomes a busy season.

Your conversations become shorter, your phones stay out longer, date nights become less frequent, and prayer gets postponed.

And eventually two people who still deeply love one another can look across the room and wonder, how did we get here?

Here is what we learned.

Time is always building something in your marriage, even when you're not paying attention to it.

This video, we want you introduce the redeemed time arc.

Let's get into it.

Number one.

Time is never static.

We want to talk about how time produces patterns, Patterns produce direction, and direction determines outcome.

The brilliance of God's design that this is not catastrophic.

There's not one mistake that's going to be catastrophic to your marriage.

God is not like the Great Pumpkin.

Remember how Linus used the word if?

And then because of that, the grace pumpkin didn't come by.

He was looking for the most sincere pumpkin patch.

God is not like that.

No, our words are important.

Yes, they are.

But if you make a mistake, it doesn't doom your marriage to failure.

That's right.

A missed conversation is not going to destroy your marriage.

Neither is a distracted evening.

But repeated moments become patterns, and patterns establish direction.

That's right.

And direction eventually produces an outcome.

Theresa.

Yes.

When I think about repeated moments becoming patterns, it's like you just get used to the lack of conversation.

Or you just get used to not talking things over and not sharing thoughts and ideas and feelings.

And when that becomes a pattern, not just once in a while, but that becomes the pattern you're not really sharing with each other.

You're not really taking the time to talk.

And like we said, that can become weeks and even months and into years.

Then you've actually made a direction for your marriage out of that.

That you're going to stay disconnected or you're not going to be staying close and communicating closely.

And that's not the direction we want for anyone's marriage.

Let's give you an oring example.

Say you spend an evening watching television instead of talking.

That's no big deal.

It really is not a big deal.

But when it becomes a pattern, when you start doing that most nights, that becomes a pattern.

Now something is forming.

These patterns will determine the direction of your marriage.

Are you going closer or you drifting.

As those patterns repeat, the meaningful conversations become less frequent and that is determining a direction.

And then the outcome, six months later you realize, whoa, we don't feel close anymore.

The outcome didn't begin six months later.

The outcome began six months earlier.

When those nights spending watching television instead of talking became a pattern.

That's right.

It began in ordinary moments that nobody thought mattered.

Point number two, most couples measure intentions instead of patterns.

You love each other.

We believe that.

You do love each other.

You say our marriage is important to us.

I believe you.

You feel like your marriage is important to you.

I believe you.

You say my family comes first.

I believe you.

That is, I believe your heart.

You are completely sincere in everything that you say.

When you say we love each other, our marriage is important to us.

Our family comes first.

I believe that.

But does the way you use your time reflect what you say matters most?

It's just not condemnation.

This is opportunity for diagnosis.

Everyone needs that.

If you're listening to the Lord, he's going to want your life, your actions to match what your words are saying or what you say.

Your intention of your heart is you say, oh, I love my friend, so I should call him once in a while.

But you never call him.

Then it's an intention.

But your action didn't follow that up.

It did not prove out in your daily life.

The same with your spouse.

We ought to pray together.

But is either one of you reaching out and saying, let's pray.

We've got things we need to pray about and talk over.

Even the world says we judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions.

We have something for you.

We have a redeemed time marriage audit.

It is free if you go to inspireyourmarriages.net resources there's an audit for your marriage where you can see where your marriage is today.

There'll be a link for it down below in the comments.

Take advantage of that now.

Your calendar will tell you the truth of your priorities more accurately than your intentions do.

That's right.

Awareness can expose what good intentions hide.

Point 3.

Time is not the problem.

Now, there are two major Greek words for time in the New Testament.

One of them is chrono.

Chronological time.

You know about that.

Those are hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds and so forth.

That is just passage of time.

Everyone gets to save movement of time.

That's right.

A day in Texas is the same length of time as a day in Georgia.

The same length of time as a day in Australia.

It's the same length of time In South Africa, 86,400 seconds.

Right.

Everyone gets the same number of seconds every day.

The other word for time is kairos, that is meaningful time or moments of time.

So two couples.

So we have two couples.

One couple is sitting on the opposite end of the couch and they're spending their evening scrolling on their phone and they're laughing and sharing.

They're sharing real sweets, each other and laughing.

They're just spending measured time.

The other couple sit together, they talk, they laugh, they hold hands and they pray together.

They spend the same amount of measured time.

Teresa, that's so good.

But they experience something completely different from each other.

The difference isn't t time, it is what is built within it.

Exactly.

So are you building closeness or are you just building some kind of online experience?

Or maybe not even sending anything to each other, Just looking at each other likes on their phone and never really even talking.

There's nothing being built for your marriage in using time that way.

But if you're praying, talking together, looking into each other's eyes, enjoying moments together, then you're building something that is good for your marriage.

So point number four, Awareness is where redemption begins.

Yes.

Now we're going to talk about where awareness.

This is when you become aware of time thieves in your marriage.

This is once you become aware what's happening, then you are equipped to redeem that time.

So we're not going to tell you to overhaul your schedules, we're not going to give you 14 marriage habits.

We're not going to tell you to schedule three dates this week.

No, we're going to say first see what is actually happening.

That's right.

Where is, ask yourself, where is our time going?

Where are we spending our time?

Where are we most distracted?

When are you the most distracted is in the morning?

Is it in the evenings?

Is it after you get home from work?

When are you the most distracted?

Ask yourself, when do we genuinely connect?

When do you and your spouse genuinely connect?

When is it?

And what repeatedly gets your best attention?

Is it your job?

Is it your hobby?

Is it the television?

Is it your phone?

Is it the kids?

Is it something else?

Or what is getting your best?

Is your spouse getting your best or is something else getting your best?

That's right.

Does it matter, Theresa?

Does really matter.

A lot of times we get to the end of the day and our best attention has already been spent on these other things that Jeff mentioned.

And then what does your spouse get after all of that?

What does our marriage receive after everything else is finished?

Point Number five.

Your current outcome doesn't have to be your final outcome.

This is where God comes in.

This is why he is the Redeemer.

He is the great Redeemer.

Amazing.

So look at this arc again.

We got time.

Look at this graph.

We've got time.

We have patterns, we have direction.

We have outcome.

But then we have redemption.

Okay, Redemption.

There is hope.

Because of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Great Redeemer.

There is hope.

That's right.

We're not saying you wasted 10 years.

Too bad for you.

We're not saying that.

No.

And we're not telling you that you can go backwards in time.

You were time travel.

You're going to go back in time, reclaim yesterday's times?

No.

But through God, yesterday's outcome does not have to determine tomorrow's direction.

That's so good.

That's right.

When we talk about Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 16, Paul told us.

Redeeming the time, redeeming the carols, redeeming the moments, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.

Redemption does not reverse time.

It changes what we begin with building within the time we've been given.

Now that's right.

Now we want to show you this graphic.

Awareness leads to alignment, leads to adjustment, which leads to investment, which leads to transformation of your marriage.

So for the next several weeks, Theresa and I are going to walk you through what we call the Redeemed Time framework.

And it all begins with awareness.

Awareness of where we are right now in the use of our time, then become adjustments.

Then will come investment.

Then ultimately will come transformation.

Because of God, not because of our efforts or your efforts.

Because of what God can do.

Because your marriage doesn't change just simply because you want something different.

That's right.

It changes when you start building something different in the moments that God has already given you.

So time is not redeemed by how much you have.

It is redeemed what you intentionally build within it.

And what we have for you is a redeem the time marriage audit.

There's a link for it below in the comments.

It's not a report card.

You don't pass or fail.

It just helps you determine or it helps you become of what?

How you're spending your time.

Exactly.

And this is something you can go through every six months and just do it again.

And you'll see a progression of improvement as you make these intentional adjustments.

And you'll see your moments change.

You'll see your patterns change.

You'll see your direction change.

And then you'll see Your outcome change.

Theresa.

That's so good.

And that's true of anything in our lives that God is working on.

Awareness is always the first step when you start to see things differently.

And this is so good and gracious of God to make this available to us and make it available to you to help you become aware of this.

I was thinking it's when you got born again.

You didn't know you were a sinner until it was revealed to you.

You heard someone teach the word and preach the gospel.

All of a sudden you became aware, oh my, I'm not right with God or I need to make some changes, but I can't do it myself.

So you come to the Lord and you ask him in your heart to become born again.

And then you've got a new perspective.

You become aware that now I have things I didn't have before.

I have a relationship with my heavenly father and I have real love that I didn't experience before.

And it's the same way with this awareness in your marriage, you're going to recognize things that you can begin to treasure again what God has given you and make the most of it.

Cherish these things.

Cherish the time that you have together.

It's so precious.

Before you change anything, become aware where your time is actually going now.

So take that audit and find out where your time is going.

In addition, we have our new book available on Amazon.

You're not losing love, you're losing time.

There'll be a link for that also down in the comments.

Is also available on Kindle.

So if you want to spend a little less money, you can get it in Kindle on Amazon.

It's available now also starting August 22nd.

Coming soon 30 days to rebuild your friendship Devotional.

This is a really is a guided marriage resource.

It's a guided resource.

Please take advantage of that.

It's available on Amazon starting August 22nd.

Where is your time really going?

Seven signs that your marriage is living on leftover time.

Teresa we're still in part of our redeemed time arc.

We'll tell you that it is important to become aware of of what you're spending your time on.

Once we get to be aware of what's going on with our time, then we can make adjustments.

But let's talk about the seven signs that your marriage is living on leftover time now.

Teresa I don't mind leftovers.

I know we have a meal one night and it's so good.

I know I want to eat it all at once, but I can't I shouldn't.

And we have some leftovers.

That leftover is pretty good, but I don't want to live on leftovers every night.

I don't want someone else getting the good meal, and I got to get the leftover meal.

Exactly.

So can you imagine that?

You go out to eat and, oh, dear, you don't get a meal.

Everybody gets their meal and they eat and they have leftovers and they give you what's left over.

You scrape some off of this plate.

You just get whatever.

Even like that, because what the kids didn't want to eat, you get the green beans and the collards and whatever they didn't want to eat.

And you know how awful that would be.

Don't let your marriage be like that.

Let's dive into it.

Teresa.

Let's talk about the seven signs that your marriage is living on leftover time.

Number one, you talk primarily about logistics.

What do you mean by that?

You talk primarily about your schedule.

That's when your conversation is just mainly revolving about what's going on, who has to go here, what has to be done.

We got to be here.

We got to do this, we got to do that.

We got this going on.

We got that going on.

You got to get this done.

You got to get that done.

This has to be cleaned up, that has to be painted.

This yard's got to be done.

These clothes got to be folded.

Is.

It's all about logistics.

It's all about your schedule.

So when you talk, when you just become schedule, that is leaves no time to really connect.

Right?

That's right.

That's right.

Because where is there really conversation in that?

There's usually not.

Unless think a little bit and say, let's fold the clothes together so we can actually talk to each other instead of going in all these different directions during your day or during your week.

So that's so true.

I know we've had some time like that.

So we don't want to just be schedule managers.

Sign number two said you're living on leftovers in your marriage is when your screen time gets more undivided attention than your spouse.

Now, that's kind of close.

And we're talking about all kinds of screens.

We're talking about the big screen, and we're talking about the little screen.

If you find yourself, you're talking to your spouse, and they just have their head down looking at their screen while you're talking to them, that screen is getting more undivided attention than you are.

And if your spouse is talking to You.

And you can't take your eye off your phone.

You can't take your eye off that screen.

You can't pause it.

You can't turn it off.

Something is wrong.

That means that whatever happened on that screen is more important than what your spouse is trying to talk to you about.

And that's wrong.

Teresa.

Yes.

It's like a misplaced priority.

Your undivided attention is so much better for people than for screens because screens don't really give you anything back.

I know.

I like to tell the story of some parent that I heard talking years ago, and she was busy with this and busy with that, and her child was trying to talk to her.

And finally the child just took her face and turned it towards him.

And Mommy listened to me because she was so busy about so many things that wasn't giving her child attention when he kept asking for it.

So he just had to get her face and turn it towards him so that she would look at him and give him undivided attention.

And we may have to do that with our spouses.

Honey, just turn the screen off.

Look at me.

This is more important.

I need to talk to you about something.

So let's not fall into those traps of giving our undivided attention to our screens more than our spouses.

Sign number three that you're living on leftover time is when connection only happens.

When everything else is finished.

You're busy, and we understand people are busy.

Sure.

If connection only happens at the very end of the day when you're both wiped out, you both go to bed, you're both tired, and that's the only time that you have connection.

That is, you're just giving each other what energy you have left.

You're not intentionally giving your partner connection, and that is leftover time.

You get whatever energy I have left.

That's all you get.

Good night, and good night, Peck Peck.

Good night.

See you tomorrow.

It's not that people are intending to do this.

I think it just starts happening, and they don't realize it's become a pattern.

They don't realize that it's become the direction of their marriage.

So this is why we've got to be aware of this and realize you don't want to give your spouse leftovers.

That's not what your heart is.

But if it's become that way, that's why we want to make you aware.

We had to be made aware.

Lord had to show us this, too.

Oh, yeah.

We know that your heart is not to give your spouse leftovers.

We Know it's not your heart.

But we have to become aware when one of these seven signs has appeared in your marriage so you can be aware that.

So you can make adjustments.

The fourth sign that your marriage is living on leftovers is when a date night is the first thing sacrifice.

So if your life is so busy, okay, we'll go on a date next week.

We got.

We need to do something else during it.

I know we go out.

We usually go out on Friday night or Thursday night or Saturday morning.

But no, we got something else to do, so we'll just do that next time.

We'll just give me a.

Let me have a rain check.

Then when that becomes the first thing sacrificed.

You can't sacrifice anything else.

That's a sign you're living on leftover time.

Teresa.

So true.

That's good.

Yes.

So those date nights are important.

And it doesn't have to be a fancy dinner.

It can be just going somewhere, sitting in the car and talking, sipping on some coffee or tea, go and get ice cream together, or taking a walk.

Just a way to spend time together.

Going to walk together.

Yes.

It's so important.

The fifth sign that you are living on leftover time is when you regularly say, we'll have time later.

Later a few weeks when time gets less, less headache, kids get back to school.

Kids get out of school when they don't have this event, but they're not doing that event, or we don't have this at work, we're not doing this at church.

We'll just have time later to disband each other.

And we regularly say that, guess what happens?

You never have time later until it's a priority.

It's not really going to be in your radar.

It's not really going to be something that you plan for and make sure that it happens.

And that's why we have to recognize these warning signs, that we really haven't prioritized it enough.

We really haven't seen how much we need this.

So no marriage can survive on just cruise control or like we're saying, on leftover time.

So that's why this is so important.

The sixth sign that your marriage is living on leftover time is when your spiritual connection is becoming less frequent.

If you're not frequently spiritually connecting with your spouse, you are living on leftover time.

You're not giving your spouse your best is so important in a Christian marriage for each of you to connect with each other spiritually, share scripture, pray together, talk about God, invite God into your marriage, talk about what God is doing.

Talk to the kids about God, what God is leading you as a couple.

Share that with your children.

Keep God in your conversation.

As you talk to each other.

Keep God in your conversation.

This is what the Lord impressed upon me.

I read this today.

This is what this meant to me.

Keep talking about those things.

Pray together intentionally.

Pray with and over each other on a regular basis because you don't want to give each other your leftover time.

Exactly.

And the seventh and final sign that your marriage is living on leftover time is when you're spending time together, but you're not engaging.

You're not really connecting.

Exactly.

You spend time together and you're just not.

There's no connection there.

It's like you're becoming roommates instead of.

Instead of.

You're spending time.

You're in the same house, you're raising the kids together or you have careers or whatever.

You're doing your ministry together.

But you're not engaging each other.

You're not talking, you're not asking questions.

You're not pro.

You're not meeting each other's needs.

You're just not connecting.

Yeah.

It makes me think that on this busy world and busy, as busy as people's lives are, a lot of our time and energy is spent on everyone and everything else outside of our marriage.

But what we're trying to do is turn your focus inward to say, you've got to put energy into your marriage.

You've got to start investing in your relationship again.

If it's been a long time since you've been connecting together, when you're doing something together in the same place at the same time.

A lot of married couples can be at a dinner party together, at a church function together, and really not be experiencing something together because their focus is outward.

It's on all these other people that need something or that are doing something.

So just turning your focus inward to God, to your marriage, and actually engaging with each other in whatever you're doing to spend time together.

It's.

It really makes an amazing difference.

And I hope you don't feel like this is a guilt video because it really wasn't our intention at all.

We want to encourage you, so there's not a question about that you're a bad spouse.

That's.

That's never entered into our minds.

It's become aware what patterns have quietly formed you weren't aware of now.

That's right.

This is why our free PDF is the free Redeem the Time Marriage audit is available for you.

It's free.

You can have it.

And it helps you determine where you're spending your time, and it helps you.

This is just an audit where you see where you are now.

You're not passing or failing.

You don't share your results.

It's just for you and your spouse, become aware of where you're spending your time today.

Exactly.

And then it helps you to make changes, to intentionally spend your time where you want to spend your time.

In this video, we're going to talk about how we thought we were spending time together, but we weren't connecting.

We have been married for almost 35 years, and we have gone through seasons, and we've gone through times, and we've gone through ups and downs and times where we're really, really close times.

It's not as so much as close as we wanted to be, but we have learned to be intentional with our time.

So we're always going in a direction where we're growing closer.

So if you were in our home and we were talking to you across the table from you, we would talk to you like this.

When we.

We had younger children and when we had an opportunity to go out.

Remember those days, Theresa?

We had an opportunity to go out with the young kids.

And.

And we kind of.

You gotta pick the places where either you brought the food for your kids with you or they had to have chicken tenders.

Right.

At the place.

Right.

Finger food.

Cheese pizza or chicken tenders.

Right.

And so usually it's not the most healthy places to get these things, but you choose those type of places, and you go in, and if there's a line, you have to sit with your kids, you know, in.

In the.

In the seats, waiting for your table.

And then once you got to the table, and then hopefully they had a coloring paper.

Hopefully they had crayons.

Those are gold crayons and the coloring paper.

So, I mean, we were out together, right, Theresa?

And we were spending time together, but a lot of it was focused on the kids.

Right, Right.

What we would talk about was, you know, does this have their snack?

Does that one have some crayons?

Are we sitting in the right seats?

You know, do we have a high chair for the littlest one?

And, you know, and if they start, you know, getting distracted, we have to settle them back down before the food comes and all of that kind of stuff.

So, yeah, it's a lot of, like, managing the children and making sure all their needs are met.

So we weren't talking about our, you know, interests or our concerns or anything.

It was all child focused.

We were spending time together.

Together, but we weren't connecting.

Right, right, right.

So.

And because you know how kids are, you've been to, you've been to restaurants.

Once the kids get finished, they're finished, they're ready to go.

They don't want to sit there and talk.

They don't care about you sitting there.

Talk.

They want to go.

I mean, so you spend a lot of time entertaining the children and, and those are good times.

I mean, time we spent with the children, of course, that's good time.

But it wasn't connecting time and it wasn't a substitute for Teresa and I connecting.

It was time spent outside the house.

Gave Teresa a break.

Teresa homeschooled the kids for 25 years, so she was with the kids a lot.

So.

But it gave her, gave her a break, got her out of the house, but it really wasn't, it wasn't giving her what she needed.

A wife needs open and honest communication.

Right.

So that really, really wasn't giving you what you needed.

Right, right.

Like you said, my world was already all about the kids before we'd go out somewhere.

So it was still all about the kids and we'd go out.

And like I said, that's.

We treasured those times because they're only little for so long, you know, you only have them in your home for so many years and then they're grown.

And gone and gone.

But it's not a substitute for one on one communication between husband and wife.

Right, right.

And also I also remember, Teresa, there were times in our lives where you can let good things push out great things, as one way of putting it, where, you know, you may be involved in ministry or you can, you may serve in your church.

And which is, which is a great ministry.

Ministry helps is, is.

Yeah, we one of the chief.

Yeah.

That's what we do all the time.

Of the church.

And no matter what we do as.

No, as quote, our ministry, you know, we've always served in our church, the churches that we have been called to, we've always served somewhere the ministry of.

Helps in that church.

Yes.

And so because that is needful for us, for our discipline to do that and show as an example to our children.

But you can let too much crowd out good things.

Right.

Theresa?

I'm thinking back to when the kids were, you know, like early school age and we were already serving in the worship ministry at the church where we were.

And Joseph was Joseph, Jeff was helping to renovate the church because it was a building that was Being changed into something better to really suit a church, being there.

So we had nights where we were there at worship practice.

He had many nights where he was there helping to renovate.

And it's kind of like, you know, when do we really see each other without all this other stuff going on?

That was, that was kind of a strange time.

You know, I didn't mind.

Even though it kind of went on for some weeks and weeks.

It was like, wow, you know, I hardly see Jeff.

So that, you know, it was a lot of work.

It was a lot of work and they needed him to help.

But, you know, your, your marriage can get set on the back burner, but you got to make sure it doesn't stay there when something is happening in life like that.

We've got so many things going on, so many people that you're helping or like you said, serving.

You know, we, we've learned it's really best to focus in one area of serving in your church.

I know pastors need people and sometimes they're just not enough people to help in all the different areas.

But if you want to be able to invest in your marriage, other than spending time with your kids and doing things at church, it's really great to pick one area to serve in because if not, you could be at church four or five days a week.

And when is your time for your marriage?

It's like we said, date night gets canceled.

Time to talk to each other.

You just don't have it or you're just too tired at the end of every day.

Right.

I kind of remember the time, Teresa, Remember when we got engaged?

I don't know if you remember this or not.

Maybe just so I know we haven't talked about this in like 35 years.

Right.

I was involved three nights a week in, in prison ministry.

Yes.

And none of the prisons were close.

One was our away, one was 45 minutes away, another was 30 minutes away each way and coming back.

So.

And you had a concern about, as we entered into our engagement period, that I would not be able to give you the attention that you needed or not be able to have time for a marriage that I needed.

Can you remember that?

That was just the Lord.

Because, you know, I'd never been married, so I didn't know what it was like to be married.

But I, you know, it's just wisdom from God.

Sometimes he gives women like this long distance radar to see ahead, like this is not going to be okay down the road.

That's the only way I can say that I knew to mention that to Jeff because going from single life to being married, you really are going to have to change your priorities.

And like he said, doing ministry three nights a week, where it was taking him on the road and long trips there, spending time with the, the guy, the men and then coming back, that would have been like no time at all during the week for our marriage.

Yeah.

So that was wisdom.

So sometimes you have to say no to something good in order to concentrate on your marriage.

Right.

And I remember a time, Teresa, where during a transition phase where we were transitioning from.

To a new.

To a new job, I accepted a.

We were living in middle Georgia and I had accepted it.

We had accepted a job up near Atlanta, which is like hour and a half, two hours away.

Pretty much two hours.

And I couldn't come home every night.

I was just.

I mean, that's five hours commuting every day.

So I would stay up there during the week and we're getting our house ready to sell at the same time.

So.

And I'm homeschooling and she's homeschooling and.

Trying to get the house ready to sell and she's homeschooling.

And so I would either leave late Sunday night, work during the week, come home on Friday evening and get home Friday night.

And so then we have Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, then Sunday night I would leave.

And so that's tough on a marriage.

And so yes, it's is really hard to connect over the phone.

We would call each other, but it's really hard to make that connection over the phone during the week because.

So that's.

So thankfully they did well.

How long was that?

Five months, I think.

Really?

At five months, really?

That's what I.

That's what stuck in my memory.

That was five months.

Wow.

Five months.

So it's really too long.

So that's the strain on the marriage.

So I can.

So I remember that how, you know, I'm come home and it's like we have to make an effort to connect.

Right.

Because, you know, I'm.

I'm thinking about her all week and I'm coming home and she's like, I've had the kids all week, I'm trying to get the house ready for.

So I need some relief, I need some connection.

So it's just like we're starting off square one every.

Every weekend.

Yes.

Yes.

Good way to say it.

So, yeah, so in our case, no, we had just had to make.

What do you do?

Whatever we need do on that weekend to reconnect and we got through it.

We got through it.

We got through it.

Sometimes I would drive up to see him.

You know, we could meet at a restaurant and.

Oh, yeah.

Have dinner.

And, you know, then the kids and I would have to drive back home.

But it was still worth it to try to see each other, try to be together and not let that distance just completely make us, like, stop strangers.

Right?

We didn't want that.

So we want to give you an awareness challenge.

So for the next 24 hours, don't change anything, but just notice.

Notice where your attention goes.

Notice when you connect.

Oh, that just.

Wow.

We just really connected.

Right then.

Notice when you connect.

Notice when you're distracted.

Oh, yes.

Notice when you're distracted by anything.

Notice when you're distracted.

Notice what gets postponed.

Why are you postponing?

Notice that.

Yes.

Notice what gets your best energy.

Just.

Just take a note.

Don't make any adjustments.

Just take a note.

You might want to write these down.

And then that in the evening.

So this is a challenge for both you, Both of you to take notice what's going on in the evening.

Say, what did you notice about us today?

And just be honest.

Oh, and just.

It's.

It's just a point of becoming aware of what's going on with your time.

So at the end of the day, that.

So 24 hours, just notice what's going on.

Just.

Just notice.

Take note.

Notice what's going on.

Then at the end of the day, ask each other, what did you notice about us today?

And that's your assignment, right, Theresa?

Yes.

Yes.

That's a good one.

It's really good.

God designed husband and wife to be friends for life.