Today is both Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples Day — so yeah, we’re celebrating the dude who “discovered” America and the folks who were already here. I joke about Columbus thinking he’d sailed to India and, spoiler, he missed it by, like, 9,000 miles. I remind people that Indigenous ancestors have been here for thousands of years, so the whole “Indians” mix-up is wild. I wish you a Happy Columbus Day and/or Indigenous Peoples Day. And if none of that does it for you, hey — Happy Monday.

Takeaways:

• I point out that today is officially Columbus Day and, in many places, also Indigenous Peoples Day — which is hilariously contradictory.
• We joke that Columbus “discovered” America even though Indigenous peoples had been here thousands of years before, so yeah, awkward.
• I roast Columbus for thinking he reached India, even though he missed it by about nine thousand miles — classic navigation fail.
• I wrap up with a shrug: celebrate Columbus, celebrate Indigenous Peoples, or celebrate neither — either way, happy Monday.

Good morning.

It's Haystack.

In addition to all the silly holidays, it is officially a holiday today, a federal holiday, Columbus Day.

But it's also, in many places, Indigenous Peoples Day.

So today is both Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples Day.

So it's a day set aside to honor the man who discovered America, as well as the people who were already here when he discovered it.

Today we regale Christopher Columbus, the brave explorer who stepped foot in the New World, as well as the native inhabitants who considered it the Old World, as their ancestors had been here for thousands of years.

So today we remember the man who mistakenly thought he had sailed to India and the people who were once called Indians, even though Columbus missed India by night, 9,000 miles.

And so today, we wish you a happy Columbus Day and or Indigenous Peoples Day.

And if you choose to celebrate neither, Happy Monday.