Episode takeaways:

Series description:

This is Part 2 of a podcast series for the partner managing life at home while their spouse/partner travels for work. Based on my Holding the Fort Abroad book.

If you are the one away or anyone supporting families where one parent works away, this episode is a must listen to understand what a holding the fort parent is going through.

If you are carrying the parenting load, emotional load, decision fatigue or feeling alone in your relationship, each episode shares a short reading from my book Holding the Fort Abroad, some behind the scenes, and practical ways to feel more supported and less alone.

Episode 2: The professional side of Frequent Business Travel and Unaccompanied Assignments for the Home Based Parent

What is going on?

1. Most WHTF (Working Holding the Fort) Parents make adaptations to their jobs, change their working status, outsource like crazy
2. Finding your Passion
3. Being your own Manager and making your own Personal Development Plan

Book Excerpt

Chapter 2 pp51-53, 55-56

Takeaway

Step 1: For parents who have stopped working, use the S.E.E.D.S. Framework if you don’t know what you would want to build. At the very least, it is important to do something that you enjoy doing. Plant S.E.E.D.S for your future - Rhoda Bangerter

Step 2: If you know where you are heading, Be your own manager and make a Personal Development Plan.

Remember to take the long view and not compare to the parent who has never moved, has a large extended family nearby who helps and does not have a spouse/partner who is away for work! We cannot compare our professional trajectories to theirs (I regularly have to remind myself too)

Step 3: For parents who are working outside the home as well as being the home based parent, make accommodations for this specific life situation. In the Copeland study of the impact of business travel on 68 partners, 22% had changed their working status due to their partner's travel.

Accommodations that can be done:

• the home-based parent works locally
• the home-based parent working part-time
• one or both negotiate flexible time
• a lot of outsourcing for help
• the travelling parent places limits by identifying where they can control their travel (e.g. 2 weeks instead of 3 weeks because more efficient, or traveling on Mondays as much as possible instead of Sundays)
• The travelling parent avoids back-to-back trips

Resource Centre link

If you want to go deeper and find out more, I have recorded a video with an accompanying worksheet on planting SEEDS. You can purchase it on my website. This framework is part of the full Resource Center (CHF 149). If you purchase the Resource Centre later, this amount is deducted.

Reflection prompts

For the parent who has stopped working and investing in themselves:

• What will happen if I do not invest in myself?
• Where will I be in five years if I just wait for growth to happen?
• How will I get where I want to go if I choose not to invest in myself?
• If I zoom out 10 years, what do I want to have built, beyond just “getting through”?

For the parent who is working outside the home and has a travelling partner:

• Am I trying to maintain a life structure that no longer fits my reality
• What support would I ask for if I believed this situation was legitimately demanding?

In the next episode

In the next episode I will cover Chapter 3, how to become a stronger couple even when apart. How to create a joint life, how to fight and repair at a distance, what can disrupt a relationship when it is long-distance. Make the distance work for you both!

Further resources

Amel Derragui The Time is Now Marketing Strategist for Solopreneurs if you are starting or have your own business

van der Klis, M., & Karsten, L. (2009). The commuter family as a geographical adaptive strategy for the work–family balance. Community, Work & Family, 12(3), 339-354

Copeland, A. (2009a). Voices from home: the personal and family side of international short-term assignments.

Contact Rhoda: rhoda@amulticulturallife.com

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Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

• How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
• Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.