We all experience anxiety from time to time. Teens and twenty-somethings are no exception - in fact, they may even have a higher likelihood of experiencing stress. Today, Kathryn Greene shares so much wisdom around helping young adults navigate feelings of worry and anxiety. FREE Intentional Parenting Download: https://wecollide.net/intentional-parenting-to-ground-our-kids-in-faith-rather-than-fear-open-up-for-a-free-download/

Welcome to the We Collide Podcast.

We're a growing community of everyday chicks colliding with Jesus in our mess, our pain, our joy, and our stories.

We value showing up as we truly are.

So that's what you'll find here, walls and masks being torn down so that we can allow Jesus to meet us where we truly are and hear about other women doing the same.

We can't wait to collide with you.

When kids are young, you know, we need to tell them like, hey, do this, don't do this, because they don't know.

And as a parent, your main job is to keep your kids safe or one of your main jobs.

And so parents are doing their job when they're telling kids what to do.

But I think as kids, especially as they get older, they know so much more and they have so much going on emotionally that what starts to happen is they need their parent to be still that parent, to look out for them and set boundaries and keep them safe in some ways.

But they also need to be able to enjoy their parents and have common ground.

Welcome to the We Collide Podcast.

I'm Willow Weston, the founder and director of kolide and I'm so excited to have Kathryn Green on the podcast today.

She got her BA at the University of Georgia and then actually went on to get her graduate diploma in Christian Studies from Regent College in Vancouver, bc.

And Catherine has received executive coach training, which she's adapted for teens and 20 somethings, and that's who she primarily works with.

Students and many of her clients have stress around school and their future.

And this includes school work and social activity balance in school and children choosing what to do after high school and all that that entails.

And through Katherine's mentorship and coaching, she helps young people reach their personal and professional goals and helps them discover their unique path and clarify their gifts, talents, and what's important to them.

And so I'm so excited to have Kathryn on the podcast today.

Welcome to the podcast.

Thank you so much and thank you for having me.

Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.

And you primarily work with teenagers, so I'm hoping to help have a conversation with you today specifically about teenagers and anxiety.

Are you up for that?

Sounds wonderful, yes.

In your work with teens, how prevalent is anxiety in the teenagers you're working with?

I think every teen who I see has a level of anxiety.

Typically I see people when they're thinking about the future, and so that's the anxiety that comes up.

But often as we get into what's happening and asking questions.

More anxiety, more levels of anxiety rise about different topics.

So give us some examples of.

You know, I know you can't talk about specific clients, but when you have students who come into work with you and receive coaching from you, what are some of the areas of team teenagers lives that are inviting anxiety?

I think often they're experiencing it kind of on its own.

And so getting into it, we.

We find that it's stress about not knowing what they want to do for the future, stress about academics, about their social life, sometimes stress at home, and just this kind of general sense that they don't know what's next and what's going on.

And if they focus now on the present, everything's going to be okay.

But things beyond that are a little too hard.

So those are some of the main focuses of stress.

And do you find, because you're coaching them, but they're not necessarily coming to you specifically for their anxiety issues, Are you finding that they come in, say, to be tutored in a certain subject or want to talk to you about choosing a college, and then as you work with them, their anxiety sort of begins to sort of get unlayered or it unfolds as you're working with them?

Yes.

I mean, one of the most important things for the kids is that they feel heard.

So what happens is I ask a lot of questions and they get to talk about their life situation, and I'll ask them about different facets of their life just to help get a sense of, you know, how much time are they getting to study and what are other things going in their lives that are challenging.

And as they share those things and to whatever extent they want, the stress can come out that way.

I know we're going to talk more about this, but I just want to ask you, just to start in general, what do teenagers need from us?

I know parents are listening right now, and we're wondering, what do they need from us when they're feeling stressed out and anxious and fearful and worried?

I think one of the most wonderful gifts that parents give their kids is when they give them room to talk about what's happening and how they're doing.

And often the parents who tend to get most out of their kids are the ones that will just keep asking questions and offer that space.

And so I think that's one of the biggest gifts, to have curiosity about what's happening, and then the second, I think, is to be available for what can help.

And parents are all about this.

They they want to get in and help their kids.

And so thinking about like, how are you feeling, what's happening, what's going on?

And really allowing the kids to share their emotions and then to get into, okay, how can we help you in this?

Do some really specific problem solving.

You mentioned one of the best things we can do is make room to talk about how they're doing.

What are some of the enemies of sort of creating safe spaces for teenagers?

What are some of the things that work against that that we often do as adults and parents and coaches in kids lives?

I think because we have such a heart for them and we see their potential and what they could do, there can be not meaning to, I think family, parents and teachers and mentors can be like, oh, if you just did this, it would be better and you can get to this point and have this hope that ends up coming out as an expectation.

And every single parent I've talked to just wants their kid to basically be able to enjoy who they are and get to do something that they're good at and they want to do and be in general really happy.

And so I think kids often take on messages that parents and teachers don't even mean.

So I think to clarify expectations is really important.

And I think one way that parents and kind of helpers can do that is to look and see what their expectations are and maybe what their stresses are around their kids and then kind of get to that themselves so they can end up communicating that to the kids.

It's interesting, as you're talking, I have two teenagers and you're talking about the importance of making space to really help them feel heard.

And you said curiosity is huge and then being available for what can actually help our kids.

And so often I even find as a parent that I go into solution oriented mode and rather than just being with them and allowing them to express how they feel, I start, you know, giving them a pep talk, giving them, you know, action steps, trying to solve their problems.

Do you think there's a difference for parents between engaging emotions and then problem solving your kids problems for them?

I think that is an excellent differentiation because I think as we allow kids to process their emotions, a few major things happen.

First of all, they feel valued, which really helps them open up more.

Secondly, they actually so we can only think in a couple layers at once and sometimes we need to get things out.

Like you're talking to a girlfriend and they listen to you and ask all these great questions and you get it out and you're like, oh, My gosh, I feel so much better.

And then you kind of can problem solve by yourself, like you know what to do.

Parents have had to teach kids like everything.

So I think by the time they get to be teenagers, sometimes parents are still like willing to do that.

But often kids are at the space where if they can share emotionally and get that stuff off of their, off their chest, off their mind, then even their own resources can come help them solve problems.

So I think for parents to know that problem solving can come, it's just coming second is better than starting there, as would be.

My recommendation is see if we can start with how are you doing?

How are you feeling about this?

What is happening for you in this?

And then let them talk and then the problem solving can come.

One super cool thing that I encourage parents to do is for the parents to end up being more of a mentor in that situation.

Just to try it on and ask the kids, like, what do you think would be best for you in this situation?

So because the kids know everything that's going on and as adults or parents we know some, they'll have some insights.

Now they don't have the wisdom parents have, but they have some understanding about themselves that we just don't even have.

So I think being a team in that is really wonderful.

So if the parent can come alongside a kid and say, hey, what do you think we should do about that?

What do you think would be helpful for you?

And then have their advice ready, but they might not even have to share it because the their kid might come up with a solution themselves.

I was thinking maybe we should have a marriage podcast where you talk about this.

Yeah, but it's interesting how we parent our children because I love that you put it into perspective.

And you took me outside of my relationship with my 14 and 17 year old and instead you made me think about what it's like with our girlfriends and how when we process emotions, you said there's layers.

And once we can kind of process some of those layers, sometimes we know what's best to do.

And then you took that back and you helped us understand how we can apply that to our kids.

And I think so often if we just sort of engaged our kids emotions in the same way that we need to be best engaged when we're anxious, that that just feels so key.

Yes.

And I think what's so cool about what you just said is that think you already know how to do that so well.

Right?

Like you know how to listen to your girlfriends, you know how to listen to your husband, you know how to even, you know, it's hard, it's challenging sometimes, but we know how to do it.

And so just thinking you've already got what you need and, and just applying that to your kids consciously can really change your relationship too, as well as help them get what they need.

So, so it's just, it's really exciting.

We live in what some are calling the anxiety culture.

We worry as friends, daughters, mothers and grandmothers.

We're getting gray hairs because we're nervous nellies.

We're taking chill pills because we're worried sick.

For some of us, one second we can be doing okay, and the next a Facebook post sends us into anxious fill.

But what if there's another way other than worry and anxiety?

As you engage scripture, read personal stories and reflect on questions that invite you to new places, you will be challenged, encouraged and inspired by this study.

We can't wait for you to dive in, so go to Wecollide.net store to get your copy of the Birds and the Lilies now.

So, Kathryn, when a teenager sitting across from you and you are dialoguing with them, you've made space to check in with how they're doing, they're feeling heard by you, and they, they start to present anxiety around different areas of their life.

Whether that's peers, whether it's pressures, whether it's the unknowns like you talked about, whether it's stuff going on at home or body image issues, whatever it is, they start to show that they're struggling with worry and anxiety.

How then do you begin to engage their anxiety?

Well, the first thing is to start asking specific questions about what they're feeling anxious about in a really nonjudgmental way.

And so my goal is kind of like a scientist to go in and just gather information and that helps me get the picture.

But more importantly, it helps them start to go in depth about what's happening but how they feel.

And one thing that's really important, that teens often don't know yet, and I didn't know this as an adult, I had to learn it, is that our feelings always tell us the truth about our own perceptions.

So as a parent, you can look in on a situation and know what might help your teen, but when they're in the situation, all they can do is feel their feelings and they don't have the big picture, so they might get super stressed.

About a test or they're feeling really anxious and a parent can say like, hey, it's gonna be okay.

But the teen doesn't, doesn't feel that way.

So to go in and ask the student like, what is it after they share their feelings with you?

To start asking them questions to, to help them connect with what's going on is really helpful.

So by that I mean to say, like, what is going to happen?

What do you think is going to happen if you do poorly on this test?

So I might, you know, I might get a C in the class.

Okay, well what, how would that be for you?

Oh, that'd be terrible.

Well, why, why would that be so hard for you?

Well, because it would mean that everyone's going to be mad at me and I am not going to be able to get into college.

You go, okay, that sounds like a lot of pressure.

That sounds so hard.

And they're being heard and that's great.

And then what they need is some truth because they might not understand what's really true in the situation.

So one thing would be like to have them have a conversation with their parents about what it would really be like for them to get a C, like how it would be in their home and what their parents would think.

And then for us to look at, how would it affect their gpa, Would it really mean that they wouldn't get into college?

And so you kind of gently ask, try to get people to feel you share their feelings, but then you also try to get them information that will help them relax and know what's true.

And then often they'll be like, oh, okay, so that will help ground them.

So that's one way.

I love that.

I love that you're inviting us to be scientists in our kids lives and the kids that we work with.

I love that so much.

And I can already think of ways that I could apply that in my own home.

I also love that you're.

Are you in a sense sort of inviting us to filter, help our kids filter the difference between their perceptions and the truth?

Yes.

That's an awesome way you describe that.

I think because as parents you have so much wisdom and so much understanding and so much perspective and the kids are just because of their brain development, they're living in the now and they don't, first of all, they're living there and so they don't have this ability to step back and kind of take a break from that.

They don't understand yet that high school is a bubble and life gets really different after high school.

So then for them to have people speak that truth into their life after they've been heard is really powerful.

So yes, I think you're exactly on.

It's really interesting to me to hear your example of the student who's hyper stressed about and not getting degrees.

Because if we don't make space to have that kind of conversation that you described where you can get a teenager to open up about the perceptions that they're acting out on, then they could live underneath that kind of pressure for years.

It's so true.

I've had these amazing parents that are supportive and just want their kid to have the absolute best and have given great examples of good work, but aren't pushing their kids at all consciously and so, but their kid is just somehow picked up that it would be the worst thing in the world not to do well.

And so without having those conversations, the kids have a misperception and it affects all of their actions.

It affects their schedules, it affects how much pressure they put on themselves for class, it affects their relationship with their parents by not even meaning to.

So those conversations are so life giving.

What are some other do's and don'ts to engage our kids?

Anxiety, I think to ask them if they're having enough fun, if they're getting enough rest and getting that balance, because their schedules are pretty regimented, a lot of them and they need, they have a lot of schoolwork and they have after school activities and I think to make sure they're getting downtime and fun.

And I think for parents it's so helpful to know that's actually productive.

If they get to have fun and relax, it not only gives their brain a break, but some studies have shown that they perform better in school.

Also if they do something new that's engaging for them that they're interested in, it helps their brain develop, it helps neurons and synapses develop.

And so they're actually getting smarter.

And so they can, they will get smarter.

You know, they're smarter doing other things and they come back to their schoolwork and their brain is developing.

And other tests have shown that people problem solve even when they're not engaging in the material.

So a kid can learn the material, study for five hours, or they can study for a couple hours, take a big break, and then study more and take a break and they will learn as much and sometimes retain more than if they just sat down and study for a long time.

So I think just for parents to be relieved and know that, oh, if their kid can get some of their other needs met, that that can really help.

Yeah, there's teenagers that would hear this and say, thank you, lady.

Thank you so much for saying that to my parents.

And I think it's true that, you know, parents can be so driven and so goal oriented.

And I know our family's very much like, work first, you know, work hard, play hard, and we get our work done, then we can play.

But you kind of freeing up and giving us permission to give our kids permission to take breaks, to find areas in their life that bring them joy and rest so that their work is actually more productive.

That's a challenging call for.

For us.

And I love that you're challenging us in that way.

What are some of the other ways that you advise kids when they're under so much pressure and stress and anxiety?

Well, I think there are different areas that I encourage kids to look at.

One is physically how they're doing, and that is like, are you able to sleep well?

Are you feeling anxious all the time?

Are you depressed?

And then are you eating enough?

Are you?

And that will help kids tap into if there's something biological going on.

Because sometimes there are, like, food sensitivities or.

I have.

I had.

I know one student who I worked with, and she had an iron deficiency right.

When she went to high schools, so she couldn't go to class, she was so anxious, she basically had to drop out of her first semester of school.

And her parents thought it was social or emotional, but it turns out after doing some lab tests, they found that her iron was so low that it was causing such anxiety that if you put anything else on top of that, then it really pushed her over the edge.

So once they were able to get her body in a helpful place, then she was able to deal with school stress.

So physical is one, I think, spiritually, like, if you feel like.

And this might sound a little odd, but if you feel like God's mad at you or is a taskmaster or you don't have that image of God that's based in unconditional love, that can be hard.

Also, socially, like, how are friendships going?

What's happening there?

Are there any influences that are really pulling you down?

Their lifestyle?

And this has to do with identity.

Like, are they living out who.

Who they're made to be, or are they trying to live out somebody else's life?

So some people are really competitive, and it's great for them to be in that mode of, like, sports and trying to get the best grades, and that really works for them.

But Some people who are just laid back and want to hang out, and that's not their thing.

If they're trying to be that person or feel like that's who they need to be to be accepted, that can cause a lot of stress.

So those are some places that I encourage teens to look at and we talk about.

Yeah, so I feel like as you're describing these sort of different aspects of a kid's life, you're looking at the holistic needs of a child and you're sort of inviting us to not just look at one area, but to look at all of them.

Some of them are very practical, some are spiritual, some are relational.

Can.

Can we just break those down a little bit and I can ask you some questions about sort of these different areas that you mentioned of a teenager.

Sure, It'd be great.

Cool.

You.

You talk about things physical.

And he gave us the example, which, which I love that you were working with a kid and it turns out that some of the stuff that was causing her obstacles were actually physical issues.

What are some of the indicators that you've seen in a teen's physical body that they could be under stress?

Well, I think constant avoidance.

Like if they don't want to do anything that's stressful, like they will.

They really do everything but their schoolwork or.

And I think also irritability.

I'll hear from parents so frustrated and so upset all the time.

Well, that might not just be about the relationship with their parents.

It might be that they're under so much stress and that parent is a super safe person for them to vent their feelings on, which is actually says a lot about, you know, good things about their relationship.

Their kid feels super safe.

So that's a way.

I think not being hungry, not.

Not being able to eat well is a sign of stress.

Also gut pain, and as I mentioned, not sleeping very well.

Those are all ways.

And also needing, not, not getting enough sleep.

That's a contributor to stress, but it's also a sign, like if they can't get to bed, they're just staying up and they can't get to themselves to sleep.

That is something to think about.

And yeah, those are physical things.

When you are working with a kid and you see those indicators, what is your encouragement to help with the sort of physical ways that stress is coming out sideways in their lives?

What do you encourage them to do?

Well, ironically, I do encourage them to talk about it because just that emotional release actually does help them physically getting your emotions out, if you think about it and I used to not believe this was true.

But if.

If you think about it, like, as an emotion, as a physical thing inside of you, and then talking about it is actually getting it out, the more we can get that stuff out, it actually changes our physical.

It just changes us physically.

And so I think that's really helpful when I troubleshoot with families and the kids trying to get on a better sleep schedule and trying to get on a good study schedule, and they're having good communication at home, and they've looked at other areas of their life that we'll touch on, and things aren't getting better.

I encourage people to go to a naturopath or a doctor, often both, to get blood work done to see if they're having any nutritional deficiencies.

Encourage people.

Sometimes kids aren't getting enough vitamin D. In the Northwest, almost everybody needs more vitamin D. So things like that, just to give that physical stability.

Now, it doesn't mean that the other stuff doesn't need to be dealt with, like the challenging relationships at school or the school stress or with academics.

But that is a layer that if that's not in place, working on the other stuff won't help as much.

Let's talk about relational stress.

How are you helping teens evaluate stress and anxiety that's rooted in relational issues?

Well, sometimes kids know who.

Which friends you know are great for them and which friends aren't.

Sometimes parents know that some of their friends aren't good influences, and the kids haven't picked up on that yet.

One easy way for kids to discern whether someone is a good influence in their life or not is to think about, if this person wasn't in my life for a week or a month, how would that be?

So if there's anyone questionable in their life that they're not sure if it's causing them stress or not, that's a question they can entertain to see how that is.

And then they'll instantly like, oh, that'd be great, or that's less stressful, or, no, I miss that person so much, and that wouldn't work, you know, so that's a help.

And I think talking to them about how social media is going is huge.

What are some of the good questions that we.

I think.

I think for parents to know how much time their kids are spending on social media is really helpful.

And then even like, hey, what are you learning about your friends?

What's happening?

Are you seeing any funny videos or.

And I think getting in on those conversations so you're part of it.

You're not saying, oh social media is bad, get off social media, but you're like engaging with your kid to be interested in what they're interested in.

I think that goes a long way.

They might not want to show it to you, but you can at least ask like what funny stuff and then they could forward it to you.

But then I think also for parents to notice how the kids are doing after they're on social media and then being able to if that pattern is a pattern to ask like, hey, I just noticed that after you spent some time on Instagram you seem kind of down or like you seem agitated or like you feel like you know, fomo, you could talk about fomo, like do you feel like other people are having more fun?

I hear that that's kind of a rumor that parents talk about that kids feel kind of depressed.

What do you think about that?

I think engaging those open ended questions can really help teens see that the parents are interested in care and aren't necessarily trying to take over their activity on social media, but are just are concerned about how they're doing and are curious.

Yeah, it seems like it's important for us to draw sort of a connection for them if we can in a non judgmental way.

I know for our kids when we go on vacation we all put our phones down for long periods of time and our kids, it's almost like they come, come back to who they are in a lot of ways.

We feel so close and connected and sometimes I feel like I want to be able to draw that connection for them so that they could recognize how when they're not underneath the pressure of what some of that social media does to their lives, they are different and they're more joy filled and, and it's hard to, to help them draw the connection without just sounding like they the typical mom who's like see, see how you are.

You're so much better when you're not on your phone.

So I love that you're challenging us to sort of ask them questions around, around the patterns that they're experiencing.

Well, and you just brought up such a good point, like helping them make a connection.

I think what you guys do on vacation is phenomenal.

Like let's put away our phones and see what life is like.

And I think having that, some people call it a digital detox.

I think parents going ahead and trying to put those boundaries around their kids during the normal week can be really helpful for the kids.

Like hey, we're going to have phoneless Fridays or we're going to have after nine, we're all going to put our phones away and just hang out for the last 30 minutes of the day.

Stuff like that I think can really help kids experience, experience it.

And even if it's like, well, mom made me, a lot of kids are curious about that.

Like when you get down to it, they don't really know what life is like without phones anymore.

And so they need experiences of that in normal life to help them make that connection.

So I think you're really onto something about like how to help the kids make a connection.

And those are some ways that could happen.

Well, and it's so true.

I mean, how will they know if they like to hike outdoors if we never, you know, sort of encourage them to get off their phones and go do that?

How will they know they're more joy filled without being to the screen?

Or how will they know how much comparison affects their lives if they don't experience a few hours every day not comparing themselves to someone else?

So it is huge, I think, to not only help them evaluate but also give them opportunities to, to experience life without being glued to a screen.

And like you said, like making that space is powerful for them and, and they don't know, they really do need that guidance and they won't make that decision on their own.

So I think what you're saying is like empowering families to say, hey, oh we, they're not going to make this connection on their own.

So we can help them make that connection on their own if we provide this structure and these boundaries.

So.

Right.

That's great.

Right?

When you're sitting across from a teenager whose stress and anxiety begins to be clear and a lot of it's rooted from negative relational experiences, whether that's peer influences or something going on with a sibling or a parent, how do you then invite them to navigate that?

Because the thing that's different about being a teen and being an adult is teenagers can't necessarily choose to be in a different environment.

They can't go find a different place to live, they can't change schools.

So how do you help them navigate stressful relationships?

Well, I think the thing that you just brought up about not being able to change their environment is really powerful.

I mean, even at school with their friends, they're still in school and they've had this friend for a long time maybe, or this group of friends and they might be realizing that this isn't a good match for them, but what do they do that's really, really hard.

So I think for the student, one of the first things to do is to develop, start to develop other friendships, even if it's a little bit at a time, like smiling at someone new in the hall or as a start, and then talking to other people at lunch and then eventually spending time with other people.

So if you think about how they're going to need to do this, it's going to take some time for them.

So it kind of looks natural.

Because it's really hard to break up with your friends when you're in high school because you see them all the time.

So I think first helping them see that there are some people that are in their lives that they have control over that relationship that might not be good for them.

And then start helping them think about other options.

Are there other people who you'd enjoy spending time with?

What could that look like?

Because all these decisions are going to come from them.

So having.

Helping them visualize what it could be like.

And then also for parents to be able to empower those situations, like, hey, do you want to.

If you're in a conversation with this about your kid, you know, to be able to say, hey, do you want to invite someone over to our house for dinner and we're all going to play games or to see a movie or something, and then that can help.

But I think for that student to realize that they're going to have to make a gradual.

They can make a gradual shift.

They don't have to leave all their friends, but they can start to connect with new people.

I think also to be involved in a club, because those can.

That can take your time and put you in a whole new group and then you have things in common with these people and you spend time doing things or a sport.

Those can all help.

So those are some ideas for the students.

Yeah, I love the advice on peers.

And I'm actually going to ask you a question that I feel like every parent who hires you to coach their kids would actually want to ask you, but maybe would never ask you.

So I'm going to ask it, which is you work with teenager after teenager after teenager, and so you hear things that maybe parents don't hear.

And I think as a parent of a teenager, I want to know what are we doing in our relationship with our kids?

What are the things that we're doing to create anxiety in just our relationship with our own kid?

And if we can hear what those things are, then we can beware to try not to continue.

Well, I think most parents would want to be comforted that they're doing a great job.

I think it's true.

I think most teens that come will say, yeah, mom and dad are driving me crazy in these ways.

I know they care, and I know they want what's best for me.

In the end, they'll end up saying that, but this is hard.

So I think that love that's been built is really the strong foundation, and the kids usually know that deeply.

I think some of what's hard is when parents are divided in their expectations and their methods.

And I think that's especially hard in families where there's divorce.

And a lot of times, you know, you can't.

Can't control what happens, obviously, in the other family, but that.

That can be hard to have different expectations.

I think also.

And this is something that I think is really powerful and takes some work.

But as parents, to look at their role, their part in the relationship, that might not be all that helpful.

So teens will be like, mom is on me about this, or they don't seem to get me, or they're not.

Yeah, they feel.

They feel isolated from their parents in some ways and that they can't share with them about certain things or they're not understood or they're pushed.

So I think to go back to that emotional connection for the parent to turn into that listening person.

Hey, I noticed you seem a little stressed today.

Is there anything you want to tell me?

And kid might say no the first 20 times, but for the parent to keep being curious and asking.

I think parents also working on their own stuff, like, gosh, why am I getting so angry at so and so when this is happening?

Is this this big of a deal?

To me.

And as I think parents work on their own understanding of what's happening, they can communicate like, wow, you know, I realize I've been really stressed about this, and I'm sorry about that, but what I really want is a really strong connection with you, and I want us to be able to work on this together as a team.

So I think dealing with our own stress, and I think secondly, like, turning into that team member instead of just that authority figure, I think that really helps.

Students.

Describe the difference between being an authority figure and a team member.

Well, when kids are young, you know, we need to tell them, like, hey, do this.

Don't do this, because they don't know.

And as a parent, your main job is to keep your kids safe or one of your main jobs.

And so parents are doing their job when they're telling kids what to do.

But I think as kids, especially as they get older, they know so much more and they have so much going on emotionally that what starts to happen is they need their parent to be still that parent to look out for them and set boundaries and keep them safe in some ways.

But they also need to be able to enjoy their parents and have common ground.

Like, that's going back to the hey, show me that funny video.

And having those shared experiences where they end up being side by side, problem solving.

And that parent does ask, like, what do you think we should do about this?

Like, how do you see this?

And then even, and this is challenging, but really fun.

And if parents will be like, hey, what do you think we should do about this?

And start to get their input, like, I respect you, I respect your thoughts.

I want to hear what you think about this thing that we're facing or we're dealing with.

And it can be something small, like, what do you think we should do this weekend as a family?

We want to have fun this weekend.

What do you think?

Or it could be bigger, like, hey, I'm facing this situation with a, a friend or grandma, you know what, what are your thoughts?

What do you think we should do?

And that helps the kid feel respected too.

So I think working more, less as an authoritarian and let more as a team member as best as you can.

I mean, obviously there are areas where you still are an authority, but kind.

Of growing in that direction.

Right?

I love that because you're inviting them also, when we do that, we're inviting them to identify with being someone who has something to say, being someone who has wisdom, being someone who can think through and come up with problems.

And instead of always being the one who has no answers, no wisdom, no idea, you know, we're inviting them to actually begin to stand on their own two feet and figure life out for themselves, which is, which is really great.

I know we could talk so long, but I definitely want to cover the academic side of life and the spiritual side of life before we go close up this podcast.

So when you're working with students who are stressed out about the pressure of school and what's beyond high school, what's your best advice for them?

I think to really look at what they want for their life, to start to develop that big picture vision of what they want life to look like, because that can reduce their stress.

You know, if they are thinking, I need to do the best I can, I need to try really hard, or there's no chance I can get what I want, neither one of those are probably the best place to be.

So for them to be like, what do I want in life?

And start to develop that vision, and then they can start to work toward that vision in a more relaxed way.

That tends to be really helpful.

Do you have some sort of process or touch points that you walk students through to help them to begin to think about what they want?

It's such a big question.

It is, and it can be totally overwhelming.

I do.

I have this really neat part of the program where we talk about goals and we break life down into different categories, like career, health, relationships, family, where you want to live.

And it kind of starts to break it down, and they start to talk about what they want it to be like.

And then by the time they're done, they have this life vision that then they can look at and go, oh.

And it's kind of like they got it out of their brain, and now they can look at it and then see, okay, what steps do I want to take to start making these things happen in my life now?

Because that list represents their values, and that's a way that they can then start making decisions.

So gathering that information from them helps them see what they really care about.

And then they can start to make decisions based on what they really care about, which is strengthening their identity.

I love that so much.

And it feels like we're inviting them to begin to have their own dreams for their lives instead of adopting ours.

Yes.

Yes.

So good.

Hey, lastly, the last area, when I think about sort of the holistic kid, is spiritually, how do you see spirituality and anxiety connected for teens?

Well, I think kids feel alone a lot in their decision making, and I think for them to learn that God is for them and with them and loves them and understands all the pressures they have and understand every single thing they're going through and not only understands it, but wants to be with them in it.

So he can help them with every aspect of it and help them have, like, a fantastic, fantastic sense, strong sense of self and wholeness.

And so he wants to be part of everything, and he can help them with everything.

So I think that is so important for them to learn and to know, because that can free them to live a life different than their friends.

It can free them to invest in themselves.

It can free them to follow God's dreams for their life.

But really, so much of that is who he made them to be and developing dreams out of that.

So.

So I think.

I think really having a sense of their spirituality is really about learning that God loves them and that he wants to help them in every way.

And I think that is so empowering and can feel, they can feel so protected and loved in that.

What are some kind of first steps that you encourage kids to take to grow closer to God?

I'm just thinking, as you say that, I'm thinking about parents who are listening.

And it's one thing for us to tell our kids that God loves them and God wants a relationship with them and God has peace for their anxiety.

But, but it's a completely different thing to figure out.

How do we invite our kids to take next steps to grow?

Well, there's two things come.

Three things come to mind.

One is for parents to model that acceptance and love when, which parents do all the time.

But I think that listening and curiosity and then that nonjudgmental response when kids do share hard things and be just like, okay, this is where you are and thank you so much for sharing.

So I think that's one way, I think another way is to start to see how God, how Jesus and God treat people in the Bible.

And that can be challenging because sometimes it's just confusing, to be honest.

But if we start to really look into it deeply and we can start to see that Jesus was compassionate and caring, you know what, he stood up to the people that were powerful and unjust and he loved and had deep compassion on people who were hurting.

And so you start to see the heart of God for other people and then you can start to understand that's.

His heart for you.

And then another thing is to get involved and connected with people who are walking with God.

You know, they might be so, so partially interested in that, but just if they're, if they're willing to be involved with a group that can really do a lot, even if it's just getting closer to a friend who believes in God.

But I think getting involved with a group, if they're open to that, is really powerful.

And that's where I think like Young Life and other groups that are accessible and are really into welcoming people in who aren't necessarily really committed to the faith.

Those are powerful groups.

Such good advice.

And I'll even say that as far as inviting your kids into knowing more of who God is, I just wrote an eight week devotion that we're giving away free for families to be able to have 10 to 15 minutes.

We've been doing it with our family.

It's actually a new rhythm we're doing and we're, we're meeting every night in our living room.

And we've had the most amazing conversations with our kids.

And we read one passage of scripture, we dialogue over a couple questions, and then there's a prayer included in each one.

And those are great conversation starters with kids that are about 12 and up.

And so if you are interested in that resource, we'll let you know in the show notes of this podcast how you can get that.

But Catherine, I love that you are doing the work you're doing in this world.

I know that God is using you to impact lives and I love that you're sharing your wisdom with us.

There's so many nuggets of wisdom in this podcast that we as parents can take and go right away and use them in our children's lives, especially when they're experiencing anxiety.

And I just appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experience and story with us today.

Well, thank you.

It's such a privilege to get to do this.

And I just, I love that you are normalizing anxiety and just helping it be talked about so easily and that people can see there's not shame around it, that everyone experiences it and we can just be together in it as a community and walk with God in it too.

It's awesome.

Thank you.

How can people connect with you if they want to learn more about your services?

My coaching website is new pathways coach.com and there's information they can reach me there.

And it's also katherinew.

Pathwayscoach.com is my email and Katherine is.

Spelled K A T H R Y N. That's awesome.

Thank you so much, Catherine.

And for those of you listening, keep colliding.

Allow God to enter into where you're at, where your family's at, where your kids at.

God cares about your anxiety.

God cares about your kids and how your kids are doing.

And he wants to bring peace into the places that need it most.

We will catch you next week on the podcast.

Thanks for hanging out.

Thanks for tuning in to keep up with us.

You can find us on Instagram at We Collide on Facebook as we collidewomen.

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