Are you curious about how to keep your inner peace when chaos swirls around you? In this enticing new episode of "The Fire Inside Her," host Diane Schroeder and resilience expert Monica Bourdka discuss the magnetic influences of leadership and the intentional design of a resilient life. Find out the three pillars that hold up the bridge to your strongest self. Get a taste of Monica's personal struggles and victories, discovering that resilience isn't handed to us – it's built, choice by choice. Join their discussion around yoga’s hidden gifts and the art of breathing, as well as how rooting your spine could unroot your stresses. If you're pondering the power of vulnerability and fellowship in your personal growth odyssey, The Fire Inside Her awaits with open arms and whispering hints at life-altering insights.

How to connect with Monica:

Monica, the co-founder of The Leadership Wellness Group, is dedicated to fostering personal and organizational wellbeing and resilience through transformative workshops and coaching sessions. As an Executive Education Specialist, a Certified International Health Coach, and a Yoga Therapist she brings a wealth of expertise to guide individuals and organizations towards thriving. With numerous mindfulness meditation certificates, an understanding nervous system regulation and the neuroscience of behavior change Monica equips clients to navigate a world where stress has become the norm.

Beyond her professional pursuits, Monica is a passionate holistic health enthusiast, an aspiring yogi, and a nature lover. She has just published her first book, "A New Way to Be – Becoming RESILIENT one breath, habit, and moment at a time.

www.leadershipwellness.ca

monica@leadershipwellness.ca

How to connect with Diane:

www.thefireinsideher.com 

Diane@Thefireinsideher.com 

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@TheRealFireInHer 

LinkedIn-

www.linkedin.com/in/dianeschroeder5/

Are you excited to get a copy of the Self Care Audio download that Diane mentioned?

You can get that HERE –TheFireInsideHer.com/audio

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https://TheFireInsideHer.com/podcast

Welcome to The Fire Inside Her, the podcast where we explore the incredible stories of individuals who have discovered their inner fire on their journey to authenticity. I'm your host, Diane Schroeder, and I am so grateful that you are here.

Think of resilience as the shock absorbers in life's vehicle, essential in keeping us centered even on the bumpiest of roads. My guest today, Monica Bodurka, shares her wisdom on physical mastery, the power of a grounded mindset, and the transformative nature of micro practices to shape our discussion. We explore the solid foundations of resilience, like proper sleep, nutrition, movement, and the profound importance of being self aware. Through a personal lens, Monica shares some of her own adversities from imposter syndrome to a traumatic brain injury, and how they paved the path to a compassionate outlook and deep authenticity. We talk about the contagious nature of emotions, the vibrancy of living an authentic life, and the significance of nurturing a supportive community alongside like minded resilience seekers. Monica, the cofounder of the Leadership Wellness Group, is dedicated to fostering personal and organizational well-being and resilience through transformative workshops and coaching sessions. As an executive education specialist, a certified international health coach, and a yoga therapist, She brings a wealth of expertise to guide individuals and organizations toward thriving. With numerous mindfulness meditation certificates and an understanding of nervous system regulation and the neuroscience of behavior change, Monica equips clients to navigate a world where stress has become the norm.

But beyond her professional pursuits, Monica is a passionate holistic health enthusiast, an inspiring yogi, and a nature lover. She just published her first book, A New Way to Becoming Resilient, 1 Breath, Habit, and Moment at a Time. This episode, it's not just a conversation. It's about practically equipping you to stand firm in the face of life's inevitable challenges, all while nurturing the fire inside you. So before we get into our podcast date, hit pause and then copy the link to this episode and send it by text to 5 friends who you think would benefit from it the most. Thank you, and welcome to the show. Today, I get the pleasure of chatting with Monica Bodurka all the way from Canada. Monica, welcome.

I'm really looking forward to chatting with you.

Oh, I'm so honored to be here.

I like to start with an icebreaker question. And the question I would like to know, I'm curious. What is your favorite dessert?

Oh my god. Wow. That's tough because I have a sweet tooth. I think, I was just at a hockey game with my husband, actually, and we had a chocolate. It was like a molten lava flowerless little torte, and it was Fire the best thing ever. So, yeah, I think anything chocolatey, warm, and delicious is is the way I would go. And I also like lemon squares, so I don't know. Just opposite.

So

Nope. I get that. That sounds good. It just depends on what you're in the mood for. It is.

It is. Yeah. Totally.

Well, thank you for sharing. And I'm really excited to talk to you today about resiliency. And you wrote a book, and I will be sure and link all of that information called a new way to be. That's the title of your book. Correct?

Mhmm.

And you write about resiliency. And, you know, I am just curious because I come from a background in the fire service, and resiliency is kind of Fire one of the tools you learn along the way to deal with really horrible things that happen to you. And I learned about it through a different lens. So I guess my question first is, if you don't mind, what are the pillars of resilience from your perspective? Right.

So I wonder if it's okay if we actually step back before we talk about the pillars and actually Fire resilience. Oh, absolutely. Okay. So and again, we come from different worlds. And and you're right. Yours is trauma filled. And and this is evidence based. When we look at the definition, the Webster definition of resilience, it really talks about bouncing back.

But when we look at the world today, right, when people are bombarded with so many stressors, the world is chaotic. It's volatile. You just have to turn on the news and you're like, oh my god. Right? There's so much there's so much disruption and chaos and competition and 247 communication. And, you know, what are you gonna bounce? I've had a pandemic and a couple of wars. Like, what what are you gonna bounce back to? Right? There's nothing to bounce back to. So it's not about bouncing back. There's a centeredness and resilience.

Right? There's a there's a resilience to stressors. And I I can it to shock absorbers in a car or on a bicycle. So the bumps in the road are there. Right? And and you don't often foresee them. And but having those shock absorbers, the road is a little less bumpy. Right? So that's that's that resilience. I mean, again, the fires are there. Right? It's just you're able to absorb that a little bit better, or it's like having a charged battery.

So you know, it's like the telephone if your battery is not charged, right, and you've got too many apps on and too many things like The battery, that phone is not going to work. It's going to burn out. So it's that self care. Right? It's charging that battery. So therefore, you are able you have the capacity. You have the energy to be able to handle those stressors a little bit better. So that's the definition. That's kind of how I reframe resilience for the people I work with.

And it's evidence based. Right? When you actually dive into the research, we say, oh, wait a second. And then I'll finish here. But I want to add one more thing that the American Psychological Association says, resilient individuals have habits, behaviors, thoughts, and actions that make them resilient. Right? So it's not this innate capacity. Right? It's actually based on habits, behavior. So now when we think of it as a shock absorber or a charged battery, right, there are habits and behaviors, thoughts and actions that charge that battery or build that shock absorber. Right? And then we get into, well, what are those habits and behaviors, or what are those pillars?

Well, thank you. That is a beautiful description, and you are speaking my love language. So I'm like, yes. Yes. Absolutely. And I think what I'd like to really repeat for those listening is that you're not born with it. You're not born resilient. You learn to be resilient, and you can learn to be resilient through consistency, through habits, and being intentional.

And I think that's a beautiful description because sometimes when you're in the thick of it and you're stuck in a pothole, you're like, wait a minute. I'm supposed to be resilient. I don't I don't know if I Diane, and this hopelessness can wash over you. What if I'm hearing you correctly, I'm hearing that, yes, that can happen, and you can get out of it because you can learn the skills.

Absolutely. And that's why I called my book, you mentioned my book, a new way to be Diane actually the little subtitle is becoming resilient The habit breath and moment at a time. Right? It's it's about it is a new way to be, it's actually changing the wiring in our brain to become a new person, One who is healthier, one who is happier, right? And it's engaging in micro practices. That's why it's like, it's what you do daily and consistently on repeat. So it's, you know, it's kind of like going to the gym, you don't build a muscle through going one time, right? It's every day, that self care daily, right, again, charges that battery. American Psychological Association says it's not this innate trait. And many people and this is always a fascinating conversation, which I'm sure you've Her. It's like, well, my grandmother went through the war, so she's resilient.

I think that's survival instinct. We're talking about being resilient to stress. We're talking about not having your amygdala hypersensitive. We're talking about learning how to regulate your nervous system. So you're not, like, falling every time something happens and falling apart. Right? It's different.

As you're talking, I think of people in my Fire, current and former, that some people are more resilient and have that ability to bounce back and whether the potholes and the bumps and the storms and some just can't. And I think it's a choice. You know, you choose to or you choose not to. And do you agree with that? Do you think that some people just that everyone has the ability to become more resilient if they choose to, and some people just choose not to? It's, you know, either the victim or the player in your story.

Yeah. You know, it's interesting. I mean, there's so your question has so many layers to it. This is fun. So there's, like, the victim and the owner is what we're talking about. Right? So that's a mindset. Right? So that's a big part of becoming resilient. Right? It's a self awareness.

And this comes back to the previous question in terms of the pillars of resilience. So one of them is physical mastery where you're physically strong. Right? Because we know when physically we are unwell. Like, I've got a daughter home today with The stomach flu. Well, she can't do her homework. She's lying. She's like, right? You have The stomach floor, you Her COVID, like, can't handle stressors as well. You're not articulate.

You can't. You're you're just not there. So physical strength is part of resilience. When you've slept, you feel different. You're able to deal with things better. You know, when you're eating well, when you're moving well, when you know how to calm your nervous system through breath, again, you're you show up differently, and you're able to handle things differently. The second piece is what you're talking about now is that self awareness, that mindset piece, the way you view the situation, right? Often people who are victims think, oh, this situation is happening to me, poor me. Oh, my god, I can't handle it.

As opposed to oh, how is this happening for me? Wow, like, so there's that growth mindset, it's you view it with a different lens, right? So self awareness is a huge component of resilience. Right? That's why research shows that people who engage in mindfulness practices who can be really present, therefore know themselves, know their reactions, right, tend to be more resilient. Same thing people who have an ability to generate positivity. So not that they're positive. They're able to generate positivity, which was completely different. They tend to be more resilient, and people choose to cultivate their resilience Fire I have programs and you engage again, coming back to that definition or that stance of the American Psychological Association. Individuals habits, behaviors, thoughts, and actions. So we engage.

We choose to engage in those habits and behaviors and those thoughts and take those congruent actions. Right? And as we do them more and more and more, we grow new neuro pathways in our brain. Right? So and that's how we become this new person, which is a more resilient person. And a lot of the The, it's awareness, so people aren't even aware. I I spoke to a really lovely woman today, and she didn't realize all the practices she was engaging in that were making her resilient. She felt okay. And, you know, very fascinating person, you know, but this is someone who engages in, you know, meditation and sets boundaries and says no and is aware of her priorities and has a really deep sense of what her purpose is and is passionate and is able to say no to other things. Like so I said, well, that's that's what you're doing.

Like, you are living this way. Right? And that was really a breakthrough for her. But some people aren't living that way. Right? And they're all so numbing.

Thank you for sharing all of that. There are so many nuggets of wisdom, and I wanna go back just a little bit as you were describing the woman you were speaking to about how she has all these habits in place that cultivate resiliency. And I think that when you know, a lot of times when I talk about self Fire, and I believe it's so important self care, but not the self care of pampering yourself. While that is important, it's the self care to create that structure in your life to build resiliency. And I'm curious if you could share with me beyond you know? Oh, I just I'm not a meditator. I can't meditate. And that doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself. But what are some of the themes that you see in your work with people who build and cultivate that resiliency through different practices, whether it's, you know, eating healthy or meditation.

Is there, like, a a certain path that they're on, or is it kind of everyone has their own personal journey towards it? And it's not about what you do. It's the fact that you're on the journey to do it.

Everybody's individual and everybody and you start where you are and and what resonates. I I actually have resilient self assessments people do. Even in my book, there's, like, a little cosmo style assessment, and you figure out, you know, those 3 big pillars, and the big pillars is kind of Fire a a physical, I call it physical mastery, like a physical resonance, The there's that self awareness, and then there's an intentional kinda living intentionally pillar, right? And so you and within all those, there's all these habits. In my programs, you know, we start with the physical, all the different pieces, and we work through them. But when I work with people 1 on 1, often, it's about what's what's really coming up as the biggest problem, in a way, right, or biggest obstacle to The resilience. So I often tell The story, oh, gosh, there's actually several stories. But one of them was a executive director of a large organization I was dealing with and I was working with her coaching her. She was really on the verge of burnout, very stressed, very overwhelmed, big job.

And she told me for example, she was surprised I asked about her sleep. And she told me, I'm not joking. She's like, well, I haven't slept in 5 years. And I'm like, well, that's impossible. Look at you. She's like, no, no, I just I really haven't had any sleep in 5 years. Really any good sleep. I don't remember the last time I've had a good night of sleep.

It's because of perimenopause menopause. The I said, okay. So we dug into those habits and behaviors. And, you know, as it turns out, she was on her email on average until about 11:30:12 at night in bed on her phone. Not only is there the blue light, so the blue lights coming into her eyes reducing her melatonin. You know? So we we know artificial light at night, not good for melatonin, not good for your sleep. Secondly, she's opening and reading emails that often are activating her cortisol and her adrenals. And she's also engaging her prefrontal cord she has to solve problems.

She's sending things. She's writing. And then she puts it away and is like, okay. I need to go to sleep. And it was really interesting because, again, and I think we were talking about this before. Everything I talk about in my book and in my programs, it's very common sense. Like, we know this already. We know we need to sleep.

We know sleeping will make us feel better and stronger. And it's easy because, actually, cultivating your resilience through sleep is the easiest and fastest way to do it because we all know we feel better after a good night of sleep, and we feel horrible, you know, if we haven't slept. So, anyways, what happened is I actually felt like I was negotiating with, like, a teenager, like, with my daughter because she was like, oh, no. Well, no. I can't and da da da da da. And, like, basically, I'm a really busy person, and this is not gonna work. And so we literally negotiated, and I said, what about putting away at 8? And then we finally landed at 9. And she put her phone away, and she had to create a contingency plan in case there was some kind of emergency and who would call who.

Anyways, we did it. She puts her phone away, shuts it off, puts it in another room. That day, she she didn't even know what she was gonna do at that time, so we she she decided she was gonna pick up a magazine on the way home from work, which she Diane. And because how do we Fire The time? Bottom line was she went to bed because she realized she's exhausted. She fell asleep with no problems and texted me the next morning at 7 and said, oh my god. That was the Fire night I slept through the night. And I feel great, and I feel positive, and I have energy. So all of a sudden you see how the spiral can start there.

So to answer your question, although we're all bio individual and all individual, not even bio individual, but just individual, We start with the foundations of really basic stuff like sleep. So when we think of self care, we're not thinking of like, Oh, I'm gonna go to the spa, and I'm gonna, you know, and that's great. I'm all about that going Fire massage, there's so many benefits. But that's not what it's about. It's like these basic foundations that your body needs. We need movement, we it is unnatural for us to be in this rounded position in front of the computer all day long. Right? Fire, that's sending a signal to our nervous system. That's sending a signal to our nervous system that we're depressed.

We're closing off our diaphragm. Right? So this is all really basic physical stuff. And that's sending a signal to our nervous system that we're depressed and we're unwell. Right? So, again, that's everybody. So suddenly, if you lengthen your spine, you roll your shoulders back, you lengthen your neck, you tuck your chin back a bit, guess what? You are sending a signal to your nervous system that you're okay. Everything starts to change. Now breathing in through your nose and breathing out through your nose, right, as both a mouth breathing, right? Game changer. Right? Breathing Inside you're stressed, breathing in and breathing out a little longer.

That's sending a signal as well The I'm calm. I'm well. Breathing into your upper diagram as opposed to your So there are things we can do that are universal because we all have a body. Right? And and they set the foundation for building those shock absorbers. Right?

And I I love that. That's just a beautiful way to describe the foundation. And and I wasn't leading you, I promise, but I agree with you. There are foundational steps that everyone can take as, like, I look at it like an outline. Right? You've got your structure and your lanes, and these are foundational pieces. And, yes, it all starts with sleep 100%. That's the biggest change I've noticed in my life since leaving the fire service is consistent sleep is a game changer. But what I also hear you say, you know, when you talk about your body positioning, and I'd I'd love to explore this a little bit more.

You're also closing your heart chakra. You're closing your throat chakra. You're telling your root chakra that it's not good and you're slow. So if if you don't mind, please share a little bit more how you integrate yoga into resiliency and why that's so important as an avenue to connect with your body. And I love yoga. Yoga has changed my life, and I equate yoga to so many things of healing a lot of my trauma and building up my resiliency moving forward. So please share a little bit about why yoga is so important to that and how it connects with your body?

Oh, huge question. Yoga isn't what we see here in the western world, which many people, it's like, oh, I'm gonna wear these lovely lemon outfits and, you know, contort myself into this beautiful position. And it it's not. Yoga means union. Right? Yoga means union. Actually, it's union of the The. And let's call it whatever you wanna call it. Source, energy, light, God, whatever is it.

Right? That's what your ultimate goal of yoga is. So there's resilience in that where there's a surrender to that when you are in an adverse situation. That's where you can say, you know, like you almost again, it's the surrender to, so you're not pushing and asking why is this happening to me, you just surrender it. So that's the big kind of yoga definition, union with source. But the other one is yoga is union of breath and movement. Right? And it's all about breath. It's 99% breath. It's 99% prana.

And prana means not just breath. It means life force. When there's no prana, there's no life. So breath is life. We are breath. And we have 72,000 naughties in our body. It's like those little energy points. And this is why we want the movement and the prana.

And this is where we have the resilience coming in. Because we want that energy. And this is why I want the spine straight. We want the shoulders back. We want those chakras aligned, because we want that prana running through the body. Right? And when we move, what we do and and and let's say hold our breath in certain positions, what we're doing is we're helping break apart certain blockages. Right? So the ultimate goal is to move the prana through the body, right, in this beautiful way. So to nourish the whole body, right? And now when we imagine, right, so people I work with sitting in an office all day long in a sitting position, there's no prana moving to throughout their body.

That's why I I encourage people to stand up, lengthen their Fire. Open. Right? Open. So it's opening the heart chakra, and I loved what you said. Because I was actually once dealing with a woman. I was coaching another lady, also executive, and she actually had some shoulder and neck pain, again, from sitting like this all day. So we had her doing you know, getting up. She had it in her calendar to get up every hour and just open up.

Right? So just open. So take a deep breath, put her arms out, stand up, open, and just exhale, bring the arms in. You know, do it a couple times every hour. What was very interesting because when we met 2 weeks later, she said, oh my god. I don't know what happened. I mean, my shoulders feel great, and I feel really good. But I suddenly have all this compassion for the people I work with. I was like, interesting.

Right? She's like, I just I do, and I didn't before. And it was so fascinating for me. I and I actually was working with my teachers then. This was during my training and just her heart chakra was open. She was bringing that energy. And you're right. We're closing ourselves off from the world. Right? We're closing even even the solar plexus.

Right? It's it's funny. And, you know, meanwhile, opening opening The is the counterpokes. Right?

I'd also love to know. You know, I think when you build resiliency and you have that awareness of yourself and you really start to slow down and be mindful of who you are and, you know, who you really want to be. I think that scares people a lot of the time. Like, oh, I don't know if I wanna go there because, you know, I've made it this far in my life doing x, y, and z. But I think when there's that that nudge, that curiosity of being your authentic self, you realize that you don't just wake up one day and you're authentic. So because you've pivoted in your career, how has your pivot to what you're doing now, helping people, building resiliency with whole holistic wellness, how has that helped you on your journey to authenticity?

It's like a bumpy road. Right? Like, it's not It's messy. It's messy. It's you don't know what you're doing. You kinda lose your identity. You're like, oh my god. What did I do? And am I you have imposter syndrome. Like, all these things happen.

Right? In between, like, I remember when I first started right after I launched one of my big programs, I fell and had a traumatic brain injury. Like, I was like, oh my god. Like, now I'm meanwhile, I'm starting on this. And what I realized again, it was something that happened for me because I was forced to truly embody this. So So not just to know it. I had to embody it. I had to engage in each of those habits, like, a 120%. No longer just intellectually.

But meanwhile, while it was happening, I'm like, oh my god. Her, like, how am I gonna do this? And, you know, I've got kids, and I'm I'm doing this business, and I've got these people in this program. And but now looking back, I'm like, mhmm. Yeah. Right? And I and I actually started my book with, you know, a quote from doctor Wayne Dyer, who I love. I don't know if you know him, but and it's it's basically I'll read it to you. It's Fire become aware that there are no accidents in our intelligent universe. Realize that everything that shows up in your life has something to teach you.

I changed from, you know, the way we're brought up in our culture. It's just like you kinda force things. Right? You make it happen, you go to school, you get the grades or whatever, and then you take the next program and then you get the job and then you become the leader. Fire the energy is, again, what you and I talked about in the beginning, you kind of have this vision of where you're going and this purpose. And and then you take the next step, but you don't always know. It's not a a clear path.

Thank you for sharing that. And I think, you know, one of the biggest lessons I've learned is that as long as my north star The if I stay true to what I believe and listen to my authentic self, even if it's messy and scary and hard and frustrating, and sometimes that's all in an hour, It's still the right path to be on because there's lessons. I agree with you. The universe just gives you lessons. And what is adversity teaching you? What can you learn from that? How do you build community and how does your community that you work and live in function in, how does that support you on your journey?

It's interesting you talk about that because one of the sort of the habits and behaviors of resilient people is that they have that you know, we've heard that quote about how you're the 5 people you spend the most time with. Right? And to ensure that those people, would would you want to be like them? Right? Because ultimately, who you spend time with, right, that's who you become. Like, I actually read this weird thing. And if you are married, and you are all your friends are single, your marriage is in jeopardy. Right? Because because of because you're spending all this time with single people that ultimately you're like, why am I married? Fire so the point is is community, I think, is huge community of like minded people who support you and understand you. And I I think that's huge for building resilience as opposed to and again, it's counter to our culture. Like, you look at Instagram Her you look at social media and people are like, I have 10,000 followers. But do you have one friend, like a true friend? So that's what we're talking about.

And I mean, in terms of in my professional world, how do I build community? That's maybe different than in my personal world, although I find they're really coming together. But I have a program for coaches actually, which is to become a certified resilience coach, and it's accredited by the International Coach Federation. And we're now going into the 14th offering of the program so people can become these certified resilience coaches. And we have about 200 graduates, and they're asking me for a community of practice because they wanna come together and share best practices and share these stories because they're they're all in the world of coaching as well, or they're coaching others in their workplace. Right? One of our grads was, a police officer. Right? So she was coaching other police officers very much Fire, you know, it comes from a kind of Fire responder world. Right? So, anyways, these people wanna come together, and I wanna bring them together because we all share this passion. But you have to put yourself out there.

Right?

You have to be vulnerable. It can be overwhelming when you're figuring out uncovering who you are in self awareness. You know, I call it a vulnerability hangover at times that it's like, okay, putting yourself out The, and you don't have to do it all at once. It's a process, and it's a messy and slow process, and there's no winning. There's no, badge or medal to get it done Fire because there is no first. It's the journey. And I have to remind myself, and I have to remind people of that as well. So if you don't mind giving my listeners maybe 2 or 3 things or action steps that they could take that don't cost any money.

That's not a lot of time, but really those micro habits that you talk about. What are a couple things that they could do if they're feeling a little overwhelmed and really trying to build more resilience in their life?

Yeah. So one of the things that I my go to is simply breathe. So what we talked about is Fire of all, stopping, aligning. It's actually a b c. So I would do actually roll the shoulders back, align the spine, so it's kinda Fire grow 3 inches, and then breathe breathe in through your nose into your upper abdomen where your diaphragm is. And then if you wanna go, so that's a, b. And if you wanna take it further and you wanna calm your nervous system, then I add a c, which is chant. Why chanting? And I mean, chanting, many people are uncomfortable with it.

But when you're alone working in your home office, and you kind of on the exhale, you chant an ah or an ohm, what you do is you're you're actually stimulating your vagus nerve, and you're telling your nervous system that you're okay. Right? This is why all ancient cultures had chanting or singing. Right? It's so impactful. So so, yeah, I you know, a align that's fine. Take notice your spine. Notice how you're sitting. Notice how you're walking. And knowing that that is communication to your nervous system.

Rest, digest, detox. We wanna be in that part of the nervous system. Right? The autonomic nervous system. And how do we get there? Again, align the spine, roll the shoulders back, kinda tuck the neck, tuck the tuck the chin a little bit in, Take a deep breath into your diaphragm. Pause for a second. And then exhale for a little bit longer than you inhale. Or Diane, because when you chant, you're also going to exhale for longer. Right? Because that's when you're exhaling longer.

Whereas when you're, like, breathing through the mouse, right, you're sending a signal, I'm in I'm in stress. Right? So so that's easy and very simple. The other thing is to use positive triggers. Right? We have negative triggers that trigger our stress response, but I really like and I learned this from a dear friend and colleague to identify some positive triggers to remind you to do The, to remind you to take some breaths. So for me, I've, again, anchored in my mind now. I make myself a smoothie daily while the smoothie is blending. I am breathing. When I put on the kettle, right, when I'm making myself a tea or making myself my little lemon water in the morning, that takes, I think, a good 90 seconds.

I'm breathing. I roll my shoulder back. I'm I don't walk away. I don't look at my phone. I'm breathing. You know, same thing in your car, and it's a red light. Roll your shoulders back, lengthen your spine, breathe. Don't look at your phone.

People look at their phone. Right? Anything like that. Choosing those things to remind yourself to, you know, your phone rings, right? Don't answer it right away. Don't answer it at all. Like think about who it is. And don't answer it. Let it ring twice. And while it's ringing, breathe in and out.

When I go on to a Zoom call and I'm waiting for people to come in, I'm doing alternate nostril breathing. Why is it so profound? As you end up breathing out longer than you breathe in when you're lengthening that breath. And breath is light. Right? So those are a few things really simple. So choose a little trigger to remind yourself. You know, even putting it as a calendar reminder Fire that lady, I worked with calendar reminder every hour to stand up and open open up the the diaphragm, open the shoulders, open the hands, you know, out and take a few breaths. So the more your nervous system actually starts to reset. Right? Because we're doing the opposite.

We're piling it on. We're piling it on. So now we wanna do the opposite. We wanna pile on, and it doesn't take a lot of time, the anti stressors. Right?

Thank you. And, you know, you do The, and over time, you realize you have more capacity in your Fire, and you've slowed down so that when life happens and you get the unexpected smack across the face figuratively, you're like, oh, I can absorb that a little better, and I can respond from a calmer state and not react from a, you know, fight, flight, or freeze.

Absolutely. And and what you're doing, just as you said it, building that capacity. But as you also are continually resetting, it's like you're resetting, resetting, resetting. You're not as likely when there's a real stressor to have your prefrontal cortex disengage. Okay? So when we're in stress, what happens like, when you have a big stressor, often what happens is the blood will drain away from your prefrontal cortex, Actually, from your brain to your hands and feet so you can run. And doctor Dan Siegel teaches you flip your lid. So you basically start operating in your limbic and reptilian brain. Your amygdala as you are resetting through these habitual practices, your amygdala isn't as reactive.

So you're less likely to flip that lid, which means when a stressor arises, you are able to respond with your rational thinking brain, with the creativity, with the innovator. Like, you're able to be The. And in terms of being then showing up in a crisis situation Fire the one you worked in. Right? You're able to take the appropriate actions. You're able to make good decisions. You're able to know what to do as opposed to operating from, that reptilian brain, which is all about how do I stay safe. Right? So it's actually huge for leaders, learning how to do this and taking the time like people often say, Oh, well, there's no time for self care. There's no time to do this.

And I've heard you say this on your podcast as well The times. But I would say you actually have to make time for it. Because then if you're going to make big decisions in your life, and you want to show up and you want to be your best self, you have to do it. Otherwise, it's a mess. It's a mess which you're creating because you're creating it out of that reptilian brain, which is not very evolved.

Exactly. Well, that's contagious. So the that energy that you put out and the example that I can use is when I was in charge or when I was running a fire and I was in command Diane I was coordinating all of the resources and the crews for the fire, it was very intentional for me to be as calm as possible because if I was calm, they were calm. And it just that that energy is contagious. So when you're in a stressful situation, regardless of what your role is, if you're a leader, if you're you know, the more calm you are, the calming effect is contagious. So that's another beautiful benefit of just taking that time to slow down. You can't afford not to, in my opinion, especially in this day and age.

Absolutely. And it's it's fun because before you would say something like that and people were like, Yeah, okay, energy is contagious. Right? But now all this work is being Diane. There's scientists measuring energy fields. All this amazing evidence based research that now shows, wait a second, we actually have an energy field that's around 6 feet around us, and we have a frequency and a vibration. And this is why we feel one another. It's amazing. Right? There's a slide I show in one of my programs.

You know, emotions are energy in motion. Like, they're actually energy that we feel, and it's measurable. And there's a frequency to it. And it's amazing, because before it was just woo woo and hippie, and now there's, like, these quantum physicists who are saying, no. Actually, this is real. And, you know, the frequency The, it was really low. And it is contagious, right? That's why when you sit with someone who's really sad, you start feeling The, and we have mirror neurons as well.

I agree. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom today, Monica. I I feel like I've learned it. We could probably talk for the next 3 or 4 hours Fire sure about all of this. I would love for you to share how my listeners can find you if they want to learn more and understand more about resiliency. And Fire I said, I'll link all of your stuff and contact information in the show notes, including the link to your book, but please share how they can find you.

So probably the best way is through, my website, which is actually leadership wellness dotca. I mean, I'm on social media as well, but I need some resiliency there. Oh, it's like Me too, sister. Let me tell you. I'm like, o m g. But, yeah, leadership wellness dotca. There's links there also to my book and some of our programs and that sort of things.

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. I would love to wrap up with The final question. And that question is, what is the one thing that you have learned on your journey to authenticity that you wish you would have figured out or that someone would have told you because it really wasn't as hard as you were worried it would be, if that makes sense.

Well, one thing on the journey to authenticity. I mean, I think it's it's actually self acceptance. Right? Self acceptance or a nurturing of the self. Because when you accept and love yourself, then you can show up with vulnerability and you can show up authentically and and be okay even in the face of critics.

Yes. And I would agree with that 100%. It's different than being aware. It's it's truly loving yourself, and that can sometimes be the biggest challenge and hardest person to love is yourself. So that is beautiful. Well, thank you so much, Monica. And, again, I will share everything, and I so enjoyed this conversation. It was lovely.

Thank you. Well, honored to be here and so much more to talk about.

Another great conversation. Thank you for giving the valuable gift of your time and listening to The Fire Inside Her podcast. Speaking of value, one of the most common potholes we fall into on the journey to authenticity is not recognizing our value. So I created a workbook. It's all about value. Head on over to the Fire inside her dot com slash value, to get your free workbook that will help you remember your value. Until next time, my friend.