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Establishing Boundaries: Embracing Core Values for Personal Growth with LaToya Nashae
Episode 2319th December 2023 • LaQuita’s Toolbox • LaQuita Monley
00:00:00 00:52:01

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Growing up in a community that stifled individuality, LaToya Nashae's journey took an unexpected turn when she discovered the transformative power of core values and boundaries. Her profound revelation sparked a passion to guide others through their own self-discovery and boundary-setting. But little did she know, the impact of her journey would reach far beyond her own experience. What she didn't realize was that her newfound awareness would lead to a ripple effect, touching the lives of countless individuals seeking to navigate the complexities of personal development and relationship-building.

My special guest is LaToya Nashae

LaToya Nashae is a seasoned life coach who brings a refreshing perspective to personal growth and relationship dynamics. With her down-to-earth style and genuine empathy, LaToya helps individuals strengthen their self-awareness and set healthy boundaries. Her expertise lies in nurturing authenticity and defining core values, making her a go-to mentor for those seeking to navigate life's complexities. LaToya's passion for fostering positive change creates a supportive environment that encourages personal development and the establishment of meaningful connections.

Everything hinges on identity. It is the compass of our faith that aligns with the Holy Spirit to fulfill the father's will. - Laquita Monly


In this episode, you will be able to:

  • Embracing core values for personal growth and fulfillment.
  • Establishing boundaries to create a safe and respected space.
  • Nurturing maturity and discernment for healthier relationships.
  • Valuing what's valuable for a more meaningful life.
  • Cultivating a safe space for personal and collective well-being.



Recognizing and Prioritizing What Truly Matters in Life

A life focused on what truly matters offers purpose and fulfillment. This first key value encourages individuals to identify their passions, purposes, and priorities. By recognizing what's truly valuable in life, one can invest time and energy effectively. This personal insight leads to balanced living and facilitates personal and professional growth.


Cultivating a Strong Foundation through Defining Core Principles

The second key value is about establishing a strong foundation built upon clearly defined core principles. Understanding one's personal values helps in making decisions aligned with our principles, driving personal satisfaction. This cultivates an enriching and empowering environment that propels forward movement towards constant growth and improvement.


Establishing Clear Boundaries to Nurture a Secure and Supportive Environment

The third key value emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries based on personal values, creating a secure, supportive environment. Boundaries established based on what's valuable, safeguard our peace and foster healthy relationships. This value teaches the importance of self-respect, cultivating environments that appreciate personal worth and promote holistic well-being.


The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:05 - Redefining Success

00:03:39 - Overcoming Technical Difficulties

00:06:35 - Journey to Speaking

00:12:00 - Purpose and Identity

00:14:45 - Valuing What's Valuable

00:16:45 - Valuing Peace and Boundaries

00:20:40 - Importance of Overflow

00:23:02 - Reciprocity in Relationships

00:29:01 - Authenticity and Accountability

00:32:55 - Recognizing Toxic Relationships

00:34:13 - Judging Based on Success

00:35:08 - Embracing Accountability and Growth

00:36:32 - Falling in Love with Potential

00:42:40 - Placing People Strategically

00:50:51 - Creating Your Own Safe Space

00:51:06 - Creating a Safe Space

00:51:39 - Part Two Coming Soon

00:52:06 - The Power of Identity

00:52:28 - Introduction to "Redefining Success"


Other episodes you'll enjoy:

1.Surrendering to God's Will: Empowering Entrepreneurs to Make a Difference

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/67da3da6-40bb-4b7d-8a72-8ac64f08ad12

2. The Power of Publicity: How to Leverage the Media to Increase Your Credibility :

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/95ff736b-2b13-40d8-ba74-8da656fba83e

3.Mastering Streaming TV for Small Business Entrepreneurs with Zondra Evans

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b945aec4-034a-4f8d-ade3-524a07233794


Connect with me here:

  • https://www.linkedin.com/company/laquita-s-toolbox/
  • https://www.facebook.com/groups/1559496044240163
  • https://www.youtube.com/LMonleyToolbox
  • https://www.laquitamonley.com/laquitastoolbox
  • https:www.twitter.com/laquitamonley1


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Transcripts

Speaker:

God, breathe promise that manifests as our

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success. Hello, I'm Laquita Monwey and I'm

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the author of Redefining Success eight

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share the applicable principles based on

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in your life journey. So no matter where

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redefining success eight tools that I use

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for grow mindset take care of Laquita's

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toolbox I am your host, Laquita Monly and

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y'all. It's a thankful Thursday, y'all.

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And I am really glad to be here because

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let me tell you, you're going to hear

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about it in the show. If technical

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difficulties wasn't a thing, I don't even

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know if people could do lives because I

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cannot be the only person that hosts a

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live that receives technical difficulties

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before the show. But you know what? We're

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going to talk about that in a minute. I

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want to make sure that I take this time to

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give a very special shout out and thank

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Laquita's Toolbox and none other than

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discounts and savings on your purchases

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with Covenant Press, y'all, is Thursday.

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We're doing the live, so I'm going to give

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a minute for everyone to come on into the

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room across the various social media

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platforms. You guys know the drill. Those

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of you that have been with us before, when

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you come on the live, get something to

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write with and something to write on

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because we will be sharing some valuable

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tools that will help you grow both

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personally and professionally as well. If

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this is your first time, please hit that

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like share and subscribe button because

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you do not want to miss out on any of our

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episodes as they drop every Thursday

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evening. So go ahead, hit those like share

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and subscribe and let's get this

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conversation going. Let's get this

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conversation out to as many people as

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possible. And y'all, my guest for today is

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in the studio, Ms. Latoya Nashay. And

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we're going to do our best to behave, but

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I can't make anybody any promise. I'm not.

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So she just said it straight up. She shall

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not behave today, but we're going to have

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a good time nonetheless. Come on in the

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room. Bring your questions, comments,

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concerns. We'll address them on tonight.

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Ms. Latoya Niche, how are you doing today,

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ma'am? I am lovely. How are you, friend? I

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am good. Friend. I am good. I cannot

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complain. I can't complain. But what I

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won't do, I shall not complain. How about

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that? I shall not complain. Won't change

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the thing. Won't change the thing. The

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only people who listen to complaints are

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the people who ain't going to do nothing

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about them. The people who can affect

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change. They don't want to hear you

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complain. They want to hear you coming up

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with a solution to your problem to see how

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they can assist you in solving that

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problem. Right? That's what I do. I know,

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right? I listen for the few people that

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might be listening to this broadcast that

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might not know who you are. Sincerely,

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Latoya Nashay. Go ahead and let everybody

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know who you are, where you're from and

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what you do. So, yes, I am Latoya Nashay.

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I reside in the Nashville area. I am an

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author, speaker, coach and team builder.

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What else did you ask me? You answered it

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all. You was like, so you're an author,

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speaker, coach, team builder, and you're

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located in Nashville. Look, tell us more

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about that part of your journey and

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becoming a speaker and a coach. What

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pushed you into entrepreneurship and away

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from corporate? How much time do we have?

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We got enough. All right, let's try to sum

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it up. Somehow I stumbled into speaking.

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That was an accident on my part.

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Definitely not an accident on God's part.

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But that's what happened the first time. I

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mean, I really started speaking, like in

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elementary school. Complete accident. I

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just happened to be a really strong

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writer. So I was getting pushed to the

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front a lot. But as far as adulthood goes,

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I remember volunteering with big brother,

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big sister. And I got invited to one of

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the Rotary club meetings with the

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director. He did not let me know in

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advance that he was going to push me up to

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the front to tell about my experience, but

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that's what happened. And so I got up, I

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did my thing, and checkbooks came out. Got

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a lot of donations that day. Fast forward

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a couple of years. And one of my friends,

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she hosted a women's event, and I was a

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speaker. I was the youngest on the lineup,

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and I was the first speaker. And I just

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remember this lady coming up to me who I

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didn't know and grabbing me by my hand and

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praying for me and telling me that I was

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first out the gate for a reason. And I

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have not stopped being asked to speak

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since then. You were first out the gate

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for a reason. Listen, you were called on

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to speak for your first time, and

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checkbooks came out. I called you back,

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too. Why? You ain't been speaking on my

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stuff? So some checkbooks can come out.

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That's all I'm saying. What's the problem?

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How many times do we reschedule this? I

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know life be life, and on us, life does

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life. Look, I see a few people coming in

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the room. Thank you, twitch, for showing

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up in the space today and also one of our

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really good friends. And I'm just thankful

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that you are the plug, because that's how

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I came to know this wonderful woman of

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God. Right, honey? Hey, girl. Taisha is in

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the house today, joining us from YouTube.

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Listen, everybody, as you come into the

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space, please get into the comment

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section. Let us know who you are and what

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you do. Today we're going to be talking

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along the topic of valuing what's

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valuable. And I have the amazing coach,

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Latoya Michae, and she is going to be

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sharing with us some amazing tools that

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can help us on our journeys, both

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personally and professionally. So you jump

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right out the box, man, and into speaking,

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getting massive results, getting people to

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pull out those checkbooks and donate,

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donate, donate. Yes. It was an interesting

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experience. Yeah, I didn't really think

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about it. I just said yes. And I just kept

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saying yes. There was another event right

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before I moved to middle Tennessee. So

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this was, like, in West Tennessee, in

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Paris, Tennessee. I spoke at the church

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that I was going to at a women's event,

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and the lady that arranged everything is

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coming to a close. And she said, are you

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going to do an altar call? And I was like,

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yeah. Okay. Never done at all. And I'm

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expecting, like, one or two people. The

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altar was full. Wow. Yes. Wow. Come on,

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now. You must have released some amazing

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tools on that day as well. We're grateful

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to God that you did say give your yes. And

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I know that not only are you a speaker and

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an author, and you have all of these

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wonderful hats, but most importantly for

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you, because you and I share a lot of

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similarities, and you're all about

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purpose. And so I know that as the woman

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of God that you are, whatever you do,

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you're all about helping people walk and

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operate in their purpose. So talk to us a

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little bit about why that is a major

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motivation for you. Why is that very

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important for you as a coach, to be able

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to push people in that direction? And I

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know you've said this before. Everything

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hinges on identity. And so that's where it

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starts. It starts with knowing who you

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are. But once you know who you are, then

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you have to learn the why you are. Oh,

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come on. And there is no fulfillment,

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there is no peace, no. Just that joy that

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keeps flowing and keeps going unless we

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are plugged in and doing the work that we

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were created to do. I am most alive when

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I'm doing what I was created to do. So

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let's do some pretend here for a minute.

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So I'm your client. I'm your client, and I

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tell you, how do I know what I'm created

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to do? I make good money. I have a nice

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home, a nice car. Family is amazing. Isn't

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that what I'm supposed to be doing? Like,

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is there more? Now, how does that

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conversation start? I would still go back

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to identity first, and I would say, who

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are you at the core? Who are you minus

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your roles and your jobs? Come on. Who are

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you at the core? Come on. Because whoever

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you are at the core, that is your true

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identity. And that was probably attacked

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somewhere early in life. So that core

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factor of who we are and our greatest pain

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have a relationship. And that typically

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points to purpose. To purpose sitting

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right at the foundation, the heart of our

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core values. Those are the things that the

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enemy comes after to make you question

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your identity or maybe not even begin to

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seek it in the first place. Yes. So,

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truly, everything does hinge on our

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identity. And I love how you brought out

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that what we do for a living, how we earn

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money, might not necessarily be the

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purpose and the plan that God has for our

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life. We're earning money because we got

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bills, but that doesn't define who I am.

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And we shouldn't get caught up in allowing

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our secular careers to do that. To define

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who we are. Absolutely. Sometimes purpose

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and how you pay your bills, sometimes

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they're one and the same. Often they are

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not. Come on. Talk about. My. I believe

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Jesus left us with three instructions.

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Love God, love people, make disciples.

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Yes. Your purpose will reflect those

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things in some way. And if you think your

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work is your purpose, make sure. Ask

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yourself, evaluate. Does my work push me

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deeper into loving God, loving people,

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making disciples? If not, that is just

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your work and not your life's work.

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There's a difference. That's just your

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work and not your life's work. My life's

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work hinges on purpose, hinges on my

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identity in Christ, the reason that he

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created me. I love that. I love that. I

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think that's a good segue into you

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breaking down. What do you mean? Valuing

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what's valuable? Because that right there,

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I know it made some people be like, what's

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that? And other people might look at us

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like, I need to know more. Let's break

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that down. Valuing what's valuable,

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because it makes me think about the old

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saying, you don't miss what you got until

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it's gone. That's right. Come on, talk

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about it. I believe every coach should

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have a coach. So I have a coach, and my

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coach always takes me back to my core

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values. So now I am programmed to, if I

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feel some type of shift or internal

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conflict, if my peace is jeopardized in

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some way, ten times out of ten, it's

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because I'm not honoring my core values.

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Okay? So I've done the work. I know what

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those core values are. I can tell you they

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are hearing the voice of God. Peace. I

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have to have peace time. When I say time,

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I mean I have to own my time. I have to be

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able to determine what I do with my hours

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and my minutes. So we got hearing the

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voice of God, peace, time. Authentic

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relationships and discipleship is a part

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of that, because that is at the core of

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everything I do. And then communication.

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Communication, yes. Communication is key.

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And everything I do involves

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communication. So in learning to value

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what is valuable, we have to first go

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back. It goes back to knowing us. Yes. How

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do we determine or search, as someone is

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saying, okay, I hear you, coach Latoya.

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Core values. And you have a list of them.

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You have a know, solid list. They're very

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specific. But I don't know what my core

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values help. What is something that you

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can share with us today that will help

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someone in that search for their core

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values to understand what their core

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values are, not things that people put on

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you all. Let me say that you all first, we

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better define core values, then tell them

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how to get it. Let me do that two part

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question. Define core values and then give

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them a tip on how to begin to search those

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out. Okay. So I make up definitions all

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the time. For me, a core value is

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something that if you take it away, just

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one, not even all of them, if you take one

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of them away, your life will start to

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unravel. Things will no longer make sense.

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And it's boiling it down to foundational

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words because some people might say, well,

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she didn't say family, but I said

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relationships, authentic relationships. So

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it's finding the purest and truest words

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for you to represent what you need, what

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carries the most weight for you. My values

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are not your values. That's good, but

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that's where it begins. So your values

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guard your peace, and then your boundaries

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guard your values. Go ahead, say that

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again. I sure will. Say that again. Your

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values guard your peace, and then your

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boundaries, they guard your core values.

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My values guard my piece. I can't spell

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you all. That's why they were supposed to

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get paper and pen. I hope they're writing

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it down. I hope they're writing it down,

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because you waiting on me to type it in

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the chat. You might be waiting a minute.

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I'm trying to get there. So your values

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guard your peace, and. Your peace and your

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boundaries guard your values. I love that

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because our peace is important. But having

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boundaries is important. And I know

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sometimes in certain situations, having

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boundaries is frowned upon. Like, we don't

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quite understand the concept of having

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boundaries and why it's necessary in our

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life, and that those boundaries are not

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just for people we don't know. Right.

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Those boundaries are for people that we

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know, love, trust, and maybe even live in

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the same house with. They are especially

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for them, actually. Go ahead, talk about

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it. So what's so amazing and so God, is

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that I've had both of these conversations

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today, just on two separate occasions.

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Yeah. Boundaries are good for everyone.

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Boundaries set a parameter around what's

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most important to me. That's how I honor

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who God created me to be, how I'm supposed

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to show up in the world, and how I'm

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supposed to care for myself so that not to

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be selfish, but so that I can care for

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other people. I've written a number of

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books, but in my second book, Princess

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Mentality, which you can find on Amazon, I

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talk about how. Get that link for you.

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Keep talking. There you go. Yeah, go get

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the link. So there are two water entities

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in us when we are in relationship with

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Christ, because we have a whale that never

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runs dry, and then out of our belly shall

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flow rivers of living water. Come on. So a

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well does not have feet. A well is

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stationary. The well is for me, if I had a

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well on my property, that would be for me

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to drink from. So my well is like my

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secret place. That is my personal

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relationship with God. And as I abide in

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the secret place, as I commune with the

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Father, son, the Holy Spirit, all of them,

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okay? As I dwell in that place, then my

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well starts to overflow into a river of

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living water. We are to minister to other

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people from our overflow from our river

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because rivers, they supply whole

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communities, multiple states, sometimes

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multiple countries. My river is for

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everyone. But my whale has a boundary

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built around. Come on. And if I give and

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give and give, eventually my river will

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dry up and I will find myself dipping out

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of my well for other people. Then my well

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dries up. Come on. Come on. And when your

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well dries up, that's when you're in a

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place of burnout. And when you are burnt

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out, you're no good for you or anyone

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else. Or anyone else. Or anyone else. So

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we have to make sure that we're in a

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constant place of overflow for these

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boundaries to be effective. And when you

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know your boundaries aren't effective,

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it's when you get to that place of not

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enough. That place of burnout, because

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you've not been tapped in to the source

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because the river is the source of where

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the water comes from, from the wheel. So

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you in trouble if you will dry up, but you

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can still go back to the source of the

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river and get what you need. Come on, holy

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ghost. But then if you fool around and

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just stay out of communion with the Holy

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Ghost long enough, and then your river dry

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up, you don't mess around and find out.

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You're going to mess around and find out.

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We don't want to do that. We don't want to

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find out. Look, you all coming into this

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space, I'm happy to see you. Thank you so

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much for coming in and supporting the

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broadcast on tonight. When you come into

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the room, know that you are welcome.

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Please hit those like share and subscribe

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buttons so that you can receive

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notifications when I come on live every

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Thursday evening at 07:30 p.m. Central

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Standard Time across Facebook, LinkedIn,

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Twitter, Twitch and YouTube. If you've

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just joined the conversation, having a

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great conversation with coach Latoya

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Nashay, that link that you see right there

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on the video, that is the link, her Amazon

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link. Run on out to Amazon and just type

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her name in the search engine on Amazon

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and you will see all of her books. But

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that particular link in the comments is

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for her second book, Princess Mentality.

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So, look, you've been dropping gems,

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coach. You've been dropping gems. Some of

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this stuff, I want you to run back and

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teach it slow, but I want you to run back

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and teach it slow. But like you said at

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the beginning, I don't know we got that

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kind of time today. So that just says to

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me, we're going to have to do this again.

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We're going to do it again so we can keep

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running that back. It make me miss our

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podcast. Break out the breakthrough. We

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might have to break that out again

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sometime in the near future or the far

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future. We don't get to it the near or far

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future. Just know that that podcast is

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coming back so we can have time to break

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down conversations like these, because

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learning to value what is valuable is

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necessary oftentimes. The other thing when

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I see that is one of the things that I

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think of is we have to first value us. We

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are valuable when we value who we are,

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when we value our talents, when we value

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our gifts, when we value our assignment,

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when we value our anointing, when we value

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everything that God has blessed us with,

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then other people will value it, too.

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Absolutely. Yes. We teach people how to

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treat us. Come on. That's good. So when I

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am serious about my peace, when I am

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serious about my time, my friends know if

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they are going something somewhere with

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me, I will leave you if you're not on

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time, because I don't play about my time

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at all. Not the self. Don't be late. But

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if we serve our values, even when other

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people have different values, we teach

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them to respect what we value. How those

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things play a major role in our lives may

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not be important to them, but they will

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still honor how it's important to us, to

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us, because we've done it ourselves. But

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if I run myself ragged, if I'm always

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tired, if I'm always giving people, they

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will keep taking. Come on. Not doing it.

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We have to value ourselves. So, one thing.

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Okay, we got another comment right here.

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She said Taisha says she always scared to

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be late when she coming with you. I was

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with Taisha earlier today, and she was on

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time. Okay. Don't be late. That's what I

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hear you say. Don't be late. But valuing

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the things that are valuable, when you say

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that again, talk to us a little bit more

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about valuing what's valuable. Now we

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understand the importance of valuing

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ourselves. What about the importance of

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valuing those that the Lord has brought

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into our. Yeah, yeah. Resources flow

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through relationships. And I'll be talking

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about this soon on this. Resources flow

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through relationships. You know Taisha

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because you know me, but you know me

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because I know Myra. So it's all of these

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connections. And so when you show up as

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your authentic self and people can predict

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how you're going to be, when they know

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that you're going to be the same person in

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every single space on every single day,

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not to say that life doesn't happen, but

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you are still consistently you. Yes.

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People will take your name into rooms.

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Come on. Come on. Say that. Come on. Yes.

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Because they know when they send your name

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into those rooms, when they speak on your

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behalf, when you are invited into those

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rooms, you are going to show up as that

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same person. And so if I want to be

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valued, then I should value other people.

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I should esteem other people. I have

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several people who cover me, who pray for

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me, who pour into me that I can call with

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the worst of the worst and know that I'm

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not going to be judged. And so when those

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people send me an email that gets lost,

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and then they call me and like, hey, did

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you get my email about being on my

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podcast? The answer is yes. Not naming any

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names. The answer is yes. Like, there are

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some people that you would just move

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heaven and earth for because you value the

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place that they hold in your life. And so,

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yeah, I value you, and. I value you as

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well, friend. But you hit so many

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proverbial nails on the head in that.

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Because when we devalue others, what we're

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in essence doing is we're devaluing

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ourselves. When we don't recognize the

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value in the people that the Lord has

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placed in our lives, then we're doing

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ourselves a disservice, because life is

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about reciprocal relationships. It's all

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about reciprocity. And if the Lord has

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found me worthy for this person to be

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brought into my life, because that's how I

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see it, if he has found me worthy to allow

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this person to show up in my space, then I

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need to have the wherewithal to recognize

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the gifts and the talents within this

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individual and that they can pour into me

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likewise, that I could pour into them.

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Absolutely. It doesn't matter the

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relationship. It could be a discipleship

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relationship. It could be someone that you

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are mentoring and you're the mentor. They

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are the mentee. They have something of

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value that they can bring into your life.

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And so we can't be a respecter of persons,

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but we have to learn how to value what's

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valuable and other people's time, energy,

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effort, their presence is valuable, and we

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have to honor that and value that. I love

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this conversation. I love this

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conversation. So give us another point.

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Give us a point. Number three, on the

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importance of learning to value what's

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valuable. So I actually want to go into

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what you just said about that mentor

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mentee relationship. Yes. Not thinking so

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highly of yourself that I would never

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assume that my mentees, my disciples can't

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pour into me some type of way or that I

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can't glean jewels from their lives. One

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of the most fulfilling things is getting

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to watch them grow. Sunday. I have a 20

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year old mentee, and she's getting

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baptized on Sunday. Right. And I've

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watched her grow over this past year. It's

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been amazing. It's been amazing to watch.

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But when you know someone is watching your

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life, it makes you mindful of how you live

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your life. Come on. And so who am I to

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tell her that she needs healthy

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boundaries? Who am I to tell her that she

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needs to learn how to say no and then I

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not do those things? Come on. That's real

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good. That's real good. Inviting others

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into your life, to walk with you, to even

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come up behind you, keeps you on your

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toes. Yes, it does. Keeps you on your

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toes. We're valuing what's valuable people

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have got if you've just come into the

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space. We're talking about learning to

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value what is valuable. And in that mentor

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mentee relationship, the life and the

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gifts and the anointing of the person that

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you're mentoring, the person that you're

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discipling is valuable. So that will make

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you want a mental check on yourself, on

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the regular, to make sure I have myself

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together so that I can show up and be the

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best version of me possible for that

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person. And let me go ahead and stop any

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negative thinking of anybody that might be

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watching this on the live or the replay.

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When I say show up as the best version of

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yourself, I'm not talking about faking it

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till you make it. I'm not talking people

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see through that. The only person that

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don't see through that is the individual

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that's trying to do it. Okay. I'm not

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talking about faking it till you make it.

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I'm not talking about pretending all is

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well when all is not. What I'm talking

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about is being authentically you and being

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that best version of that possible at all

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times, because that's how we grow. That's

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how you will grow in character, in

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giftings, and anointings that's how the

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person that you are mentoring will grow in

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character and giftings and anointings.

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Because somebody's always watching us,

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right? Absolutely. Go ahead. The authentic

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you will attract the right people. Come

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on, say that again. The authentic you will

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attract you. The authentic me will attract

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the right. People because your people will

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check you. The people who are supposed to

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be closest to you in your inner circle,

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they will check you. They will ask you

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questions. They will remind you of what

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your values are. They will remind you of

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what it is that you said you will do. They

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hold you accountable. Come on, say that

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word again. Say that word again. Yes. The

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right people will hold you accountable. So

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if you're surrounded by people who say yes

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all the time and they never challenge you,

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they never ask clarifying questions, those

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are probably the same people who are

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sucking you dry. Oh, say that. Say that.

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Say that. They don't want you to have

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boundaries because they want to use you

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up. Come on, say that. This is what

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happens when we don't have notes. We are

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winging, y'all. I just want to make that

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clear. We up here just free flowing. There

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are no notes. Chris said big facts. And

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it's true. When we show up as our

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authentic selves, those individuals that

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God has already divinely designed and

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created to be in our lives, they show up.

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Matter of fact, most of the time, they've

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been around the whole time. We were not

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just at a place in maturity, spiritual

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maturity or natural maturity, that we

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could recognize them because they

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challenged us. When someone challenges,

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like when you're an immature person, you

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don't know how to value what's valuable,

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because you yourself have not learned what

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is valuable, that starts right there. So

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when I don't understand what is valuable,

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when I see people who are living in a

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different level of success, whatever

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success might be, I'm not even talking

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about money. You all not talking about

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money. But when you see someone and you

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have discerned that they have success,

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when you're immature, we'll name call, we

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will judge without even knowing them.

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We'll look at their appearance, call them

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pretentious, call them Bougie. They think

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they're better than this person or that

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person, or you're too good to come here or

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do that. Absolutely. I think I'm too good

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for that. Matter of fact, I don't think I

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know it. When you're immature, that's the

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type of response you have for people. Or

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if you come to that person and they push

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you to accountability and push you to

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figure out a problem instead of saying,

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oh, baby, it's going to be all right and

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pat you on the back and just be there to

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be your sounding board. We run from them

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when we're immature. Right. But when we're

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mature, we understand the value that they

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carry and the wisdom that they carry. So

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I'm running to them. Yes, absolutely.

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Already knowing they're going to say

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something that's going to make me go,

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ouch. But I need to hear it. Absolutely.

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Come on, lean into the accountability,

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lean into the stretching, because it makes

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us better. And those who truly love us,

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those who see the value in us, yes, they

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stretch, they question, they push, and

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it's all in love. And there is great

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there, but they want to see us become the

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best version of ourselves. Right. Those

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who are comfortable and complacent want

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you to be comfortable and complacent. Come

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on. Say that. They don't want to see you

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stretch. They don't want to see you grow.

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And the thing is, it may not even be

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completely malicious and intentional on

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their part. They're just not going in the

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direction that you're going. Absolutely.

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They're not ready yet to move in that

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direction that they want, that they should

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be going. They're not ready. Yes. And

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that's absolutely okay. But what I know to

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be true is just like, if I'm serving my

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values and I am being my most authentic

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self and I am attracting the people that

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are supposed to be in my life when I'm not

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doing those things, when I am not serving

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my values, when I'm not being my most

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authentic self, I am going to draw in all

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the leeches. Come on. And hold them close

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to my heart and wonder why I'm getting

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bit. Say that. Say that. Come on. Either.

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That wasn't in your notes. I love it,

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though. I told you, you can run back

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several things that you said and we can

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talk about for a while because we

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ourselves have to be ready. We have to

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recognize who people. Maya Angelou. I love

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to say this. When people show you who they

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are, believe them. Yes. No shade, no tea.

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It's not me. It's not you. It's me. You're

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showing up and showing me exactly who you

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are. Ongoing lesson, too. Come on. Because

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there are people that we don't want to see

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them for who they are. We want to become

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infatuated with their potential. Oh, you

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better tell that. Can't even say that. If

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I say that, I might get in trouble. I'm

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37, so I round up to 40. So at this big

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grown age, what I'm not going to do, what

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I refuse to do, is fall in love with

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potential. Come on. Who are you now? Can I

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rock with you on the level that you are

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now? Now you may grow, but that is a

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choice if you choose to not grow. Am I

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good with where you are now? Is where you

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are healthy for me. Come on. Come on,

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girl. You better say that. No, then you

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got to go. Don't fall in love with the

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potential. I love that. I love that. Now,

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somebody might be hearing this on the live

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and on the replay and have some spicy

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stuff to say about it. Go jump in the

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comments. Let me hear what you got to say.

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I probably won't agree with it, but.

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Younger, I don't really care. Oh, my God.

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Live a little. She said, if you're 35 or

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younger, it don't matter. Look, they do

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got a lot of living to do. But sitting in

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this side of my maturity, sitting in this

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side of my maturity, I completely

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understand. I can see, bless God, we have

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the gift of discernment and we're able to

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see spiritually, we can see a person's

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potential. But just what you said, is that

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person willing to step into their

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potential? Yes. Miles Monroe. And I'm a

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paraphrase that y'all suggest. If you

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don't have anything by him, run out and

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get it now, because it's timeless, all of

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it. One of the things that he said, and

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I'm paraphrasing, is the graveyard holds

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some of the most valuable things on the

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planet. But it's dead with the people in

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the graveyard because they did not rise up

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to their potential. They wouldn't even

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recognize it. They didn't want to do the

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work. Some of that is words I'm putting in

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his mouth that he didn't say that.

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Basically, he talked about the potential

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that was within each person that is gone,

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that has passed on. Did they live to that

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potential? And because when we live to

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that potential, not only is it fulfilling

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for us as individuals, but we are to truly

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touch the lives of other people when we're

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living up to our potential. So if the

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person that I'm partnering with, and this

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is platonic as well as romantic, if the

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person that I'm partnering with is not

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living to their potential, better yet, if

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they're not making efforts, strides to

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live to their potential, you got to weigh

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the value of that relationship. Yes. I'm

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not saying cut them off and throw them in

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the trash. That's what I'm not saying

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that. But we do have to evaluate where we

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place them in our lives. Absolutely. The

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people that have the greatest access to us

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should be the people who are not only

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making withdrawals, but they're making

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worthwhile deposits. That's good. Are they

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living to their potential? Like I have a

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boatload of potential. Am I living up to

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the fullest of my potential? No. But am I

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making strides to get there? Every day

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that ends in why. Every day that ends in

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why I am trying to make strides to get

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there. Why? Because I'm learning daily how

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to value what's valuable. There's a pastor

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in Murray, Kentucky, Dr. Art Hines, and I

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remember him saying a lot that we sink to

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the level of the lowest common

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denominator. Jesus. We sink to the level

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of the lowest common denominator. My God.

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In other words, a chain is only as strong

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as its weakest link. So we have to

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examine, like you said, those who have the

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most access to us. Real good. We have to

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examine. They are weak links. Take them

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off of your chain and you may not put them

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out the yard. They just can't be a part of

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the chain. Come on. They could be over by

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the shed or something like that. Not

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totally off the property, but not in the

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mix of what you're trying to accomplish.

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What you're trying to accomplish.

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Absolutely. And proximity changes from

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season to season. Clap my hands. The boy

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don't have to edit that out. I'm supposed

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to get the clap the hand sound in my

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little pod. Pro thingy, roll castor

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thingy. My son's supposed to be putting

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that in there for me. So I won't clap my

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hands for real. But I always forget it.

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Always forget when he's here. We'll talk

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about it, and I'll forget when he's here.

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But that's a beautiful thing. You don't

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have to necessarily kick them off the

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property. You just have to determine where

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they are, where they're placed in your

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life. You know that. I like to use a

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scenario with a dartboard. Everything on

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the dartboard, every section on the

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dartboard, has a numerical value. Even the

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ones that's on the furthest on the

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outside. But the closest you get to that

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bullseye, the numerical value increases,

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but the spaces become smaller. So you

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can't fit as many darts in those spaces as

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you can those big spaces on that outer

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circle. And then when you get into the

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inner circle, into the bullseye, the money

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shot. Very few darts can fit in there. We

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have to learn how to place people

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strategically on the dartboard. That is

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our life. Yes. So this is where the

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science geek in me comes. I have a biology

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degree that I do not use you all. So let's

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be clear about that. Don't want to use it,

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but I have it. And so when it comes to

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relationships, I always think of an atom

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and how an atom has these electron valence

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shells. So in the center, where you have

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the nucleus, that first valence shell,

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only two electrons can fit on it. It only

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have two, and electrons have a negative

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charge. You can't have that much

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negativity close to you. Come on. You just

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can't say that. No. Electrons into your

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space. And they may not be negative in

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terms of their speech. Their lives may

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just be repelling against your life. Come

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on. Now, see, that's a whole lesson that

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you need to teach, man. How can two walk

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together unless they be agreed? Come on.

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Come on. That part right there, they could

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be. That's the word. That could be the

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nicest, sweetest, most morally correct

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person. But is that the person God created

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for you? Now, we don't want to jumped off

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into relationships. We go come back and do

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a relationship show. We go back and do a

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relationship. I'm kind of closer. I mean,

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we are talking about valuing what's

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valuable. It's true. We cannot function

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with that level of negativity in our

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personal space all the time. And some

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negativity is going to come in here and

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there, but we have to recognize it and

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deal with it accordingly. Don't just let

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it live with you and hug you and hold you

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all the time. If you see that person

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coming and you shut and be like, Jesus,

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fix it. You might want to check that. If

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you see their number or their text message

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and you are willing to leave them on

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unread for three days, you might want to

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check that. Yeah, you might want to

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evaluate forever that part. Yeah, I like

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blocking. I block a lot. If that's their

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go to reaction with them, you need to

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evaluate the proximity that they have to.

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You need to evaluate them in your life. We

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have a LinkedIn comment says, just mute

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them. I like that. That works. We could

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just mute them. That works. We wouldn't

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even have to go through all of that. If we

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do take a proper evaluation on the people

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who we allow into our lives and placing

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them in the proper places in our lives,

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because some people, especially people

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who, you know, okay, I've been

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commissioned to help that person grow.

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That person needs to have access to you,

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but we have to qualify that type of

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access. Right. When they get that access,

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how they get that access, how are you

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going to deposit? How are you going to

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mentor them in development? It's a

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process. We need to know how to do that

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appropriately. We don't necessarily need

Speaker:

to let them be in our personal space all

Speaker:

the time. And that's where boundaries come

Speaker:

in. That's absolutely where boundaries

Speaker:

come in and. Do not disturb on your phone,

Speaker:

like use your technology. My DND is on

:

00 p.m. To 06:00 a.m.. I select

:

cubes. Oh, I'm sorry. We did have this

:

conversation, didn't we? I'm that

:

somebody. I sleep great. I am that

:

somebody. It works. It does work. You will

:

effectively not be bothered, but in the

:

event of emergency, they might need to

:

reach you. Girl. You don't know until you

:

answer the phone. My parents can get

:

through. There we go. There we go. Outside

:

of that, it's going to wait till 06:00

:

a.m. It's going to wait till 06:00 a.m.

:

This is an ongoing conversation and we're

:

going to have to. I see now needs a little

:

bit more push in what I hope is a good

:

direction. Yeah, I know you ain't

:

listening to me, but I'm going to keep

:

saying it. Keep saying that I have to. Our

:

time has come to an end. As always. I love

:

talking to you. I love the wisdom and the

:

value that you have to share. Before we do

:

wrap up, is there one last thing that you

:

would like to leave with the toolbox

:

audience, especially your contact

:

information? Yes. So you can go to my

:

website, latoyanache.com. You see how to

:

spell my name on the screen. Just put www

:

dot in front of it and.com after it and

:

you'll get there. If you go there is a pop

:

up. Sign up for my newsletter and you will

:

get a free PDF about doing a SWOT analysis

:

on your community. So identifying the

:

strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and

:

threats in your community. I'm telling

:

you, it will bless your life. You all

:

better get out there. I'm trying to get

:

them to go to latoyunashay.com. Now I'm

:

curious. I need a SWAT analysis on my

:

community. I do it on my business and I do

:

it on myself. You want to talk to me

:

offline about this community? We're going

:

to talk about your swot analysis when we

:

get off. I know what you're going to say.

:

Going to be doable. Anywho, my final

:

thought is there's a lot of talk about

:

safe spaces and creating safe spaces. And

:

I love that those conversations are

:

happening. But what I will say is you can

:

create your own safe space. Don't put all

:

the responsibility on someone to do that

:

for you. You can do it for yourself. And

:

that starts with identifying your core

:

values and then building your boundaries

:

around them. That's beautiful. Create your

:

own safe space by starting with clearly

:

defining your core values and building

:

boundaries around yourself based on those

:

core values. And you have created your own

:

safe space that you recognize and respect

:

and others will recognize and respect as

:

well. I love that. Woman of God. Thank you

:

so much for being a great guest tonight.

:

As always, we're going to have to do a

:

part two real soon. For real. We're going

:

to have to do a part two real soon.

:

Listen, guys, thank you so much for tuning

:

in to another amazing episode of Laquita's

:

Toolbox. I am your host, Laquita Monley.

:

We have had an amazing session on tonight.

:

You guys be blessed and enjoy an amazing

:

rest of your day. Take care. Look at here.

:

Take care. Bye, y'all. Everything hinges

:

on identity. It is the compass of our

:

faith that aligns with the Holy Spirit to

:

fulfill the father's will. Wrapped up in

:

identity is who we are, the purpose of our

:

being, and every God breathed promise that

:

manifests as our success. Hello, I'm

:

Laquita Monly, and I'm the author of

:

redefining success eight tools that I use

:

to develop a growth mindset in this

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amazing book. Not only will I share with

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you eight tools that I use for a growth

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mindset, but I'll also share the

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applicable principles based on God's word

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that you could easily implement in your

:

life journey. So no matter where you are

:

and no matter where you see yourself in

:

the future, this book will be a tool that

:

you need for your toolbox. Don't wait. Get

:

it today. And it can be found on Amazon by

:

simply searching. Redefining success eight

:

tools that I use for growth mindset. Take