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The 3 things stopping you from making money!
Episode 9319th July 2024 • The Weeniecast - for ADHD entrepreneurs and neurodivergent business owners • Katie McManus ADHD entrepreneur coach
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Time for a reality check: you can get incredibly good at making money, but if you don’t heal your relationship with it, you're unlikely to hold onto it for long.

Hey, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and money mindset coach, and this is my podcast "The Weeniecast!"

Pssssst! Not sure if you've heard, but I'm inviting new members to the best community for business owners with ADHD - the Hyperfocused Community! You can join here - https://weeniecast.com/hyperfocus

Now, back to this episode...

Psychological barriers

In this episode, "The 3 things stopping you from making money!" I'm sharing the psychological barriers that keep you from not just making money, but actually keeping and accumulating wealth.

From fear and avoidance to the deep-seated trauma we carry about money, this episode is an eye-opener for anyone who's ever struggled with their finances.

Stick around, and you'll learn how to overcome these obstacles and finally let money flow into your life with ease.

The truth about what's really blocking us from making money

By the way, you might be surprised to learn what's actually stopping you from making and keeping money.

We often think it's just about our business strategies or offers.

Sure, raising your prices and creating high-ticket offers are essential, but that's not the whole story.

Timestamped Summary

00:00 Address money anxiety, process, and show compassion.

03:29 Fear and vigilance impact money relationships.

06:30 Fear of financial advisor, find smaller solutions.

12:33 Childhood trauma linked to unsafe environment perception.

13:50 Assess and keep essential subscriptions, eliminate unnecessary ones.

17:20 Processing fear is key to healing trauma.

22:58 Pride in profession, rewrite your money story.

24:05 Assess and improve your relationship with money.

Useful links

The episode I mention where I talk about money archetypes:

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/84bde141-00d4-4cb9-b9e8-8f38f51a8365

The Trauma of Money program:

https://weeniecast.com/traumaofmoney

Your next steps after listening

Realizing it's time to work with me? Book your free initial strategy call with me - weeniecast.com/strategycall

Get more support in your ADHD entrepreneur life by joining my hyperfocus community! - https://weeniecast.com/hyperfocus

Wanna get this content earlier, and totally unbleeped? Subscribe to the Apple Podcasts premium version of this show - https://weeniecast.com/winners

Want to just buy me a coffee in return for some helpful insight? Thank you! Here's where you can do that - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/katiethecoach

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Hyperfocused Community

Hyperfocus community

Transcripts

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We're going to start today's podcast off with a little bit of bad news.

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It really doesn't matter how good you get at making money. If

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you don't heal your relationship with money, you're not likely to hold

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onto it for long. Hi, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and

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money mindset coach, and welcome to the Weeniecast.

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So what's actually keeping you from making money and not just making

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money, but keeping it? Accumulating actual wealth.

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Now, oftentimes, my clients will start with me, and we'll

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talk about their business, and we'll talk about their offer, and I'll have

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to coach them through not being a weenie and raising their

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prices and creating offers that are high ticket. And

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all of that is well and good and necessary to making a lot of

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money. However, that's not the whole

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story. There's actually a whole slew of other

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things that can keep you from making more money and keeping

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it. And today, I want to dive into these things. They

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happen for so many people.

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So if you're going through one of these things or multiple, know that you're

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not alone. Okay. There's a reason why it's common enough that I'm bringing it up

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on the weenie cast. I want to also acknowledge before

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we dive into these things, that being good with money

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is not a willpower thing. It's not something that you're just not trying

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hard enough with. It's something that is affecting

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you on a nervous system level. It's affecting you

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on a subconscious level. There are things

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that you learned about money before you could even speak, before you

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could even crawl. There's an energetic exchange you had with

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your caretakers about what it meant to have money,

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and you can't willpower yourself out of that. You also can't

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just simply read a book and be better at it. So have

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a big old bucket of compassion for yourself. As I go through

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this, if there's anything that's a little like, oh,

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that's a sore spot for you, take a moment and really feel through the

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feelings there. Oftentimes, you know, it's that sense of

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anxiety when we talk about money that creates this barrier to

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more money coming to our lives, when we don't give that anxiety

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power, when we're like, oh, cool, I'm feeling anxiety. Wow. All

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right, where am I feeling this anxiety in my body and what's happening for me?

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And we really process it. It makes it far easier to

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talk about money, to work through our money garbage. And to learn

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that, like, money's not evil and being quote

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unquote bad with money is not the end of the world. And to

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really take the charge away from the money conversation.

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Okay, so do you have your big bucket of compassion? Great.

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So first and foremost, let's talk about fear of money and

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dealing with money. Now, fear can show up in

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two different ways depending on what your money archetype is. And if you want to

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learn more about money archetypes, I did a whole bonus episode. So if you go

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back to the one after episode 87, you can learn more about

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that. There are two ways in which fear shows up in your

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relationship with money. Number one is my favorite

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avoidance. Just not looking at your bank account, just kind of

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like, I'm just going to trust that everything's going to be okay and it'll be

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all be fine. And just kind of like hoping and praying when you give your

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credit card to the person at the grocery store. That was basically

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my whole twenties. So that is one way in which

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we have fear show up in our relationship with money. On the

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extreme opposite side, there is a level of hyper vigilance.

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So someone who has a lot of fear with their money, they're

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constantly checking their bank balance, they're constantly

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checking their credit card statement. They are so aware of where

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each and every penny that they own is at all times.

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And of course, there are elements of that that are positive, and there are

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elements almost of the avoidance bit where there's a lot of optimism that is

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also kind of positive. However, we want to find

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a happy medium, all right? We want to take the charge away,

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that anxiety, that fear, and

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have our checking in on money not

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elicit negative feelings. So I want to use an example here because

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I know everyone gets, like, really crunchy and tight when we talk about money. That'll

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also make you crunchy and tight, but hopefully won't be super relevant to what you're

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doing right now. Public speaking. If you're not a

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big public speaker, if you don't do it often, maybe you don't do it often

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because you're afraid of getting up on stage and talking to a bunch of

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people. Avoiding it is not going to help.

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Avoiding it is just going to keep you being bad at it. And of course

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you're avoiding it because you're afraid. You're afraid of getting up on stage and making

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a mistake and looking stupid and looking out into the audience and seeing them fall

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asleep or look angry. Or maybe you're really into, like,

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Disney cartoons and you're afraid they're going to throw like old cabbages at

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you. The only way

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to deal with your fear of public speaking is to go

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and speak publicly. It's the only way. You have to

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desensitize yourself to it. And this is

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really how we deal with that avoidant type of

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fear. We have to just give you little baby steps

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to go and try the thing. So, for instance, if you were wanting to

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get better at public speaking, one of the exercises you might do if you were

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to join, say, toastmasters, is they have all these different

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games that you play where you're speaking publicly because you're answering a question

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or you're following a prompt, but you're not in front of the

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room speaking, you're just talking in a

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room full of people who are listening. And often it's something very

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silly. And I think there's this

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misconception when it comes to facing our fears, that when we face our fears,

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we have to go for the most extreme option. Right, when we face our fears.

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If you're afraid of heights, like, we're going to go jump out of planes. No,

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no, that's dumb. If you're afraid of heights, let's get you a little four foot

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ladder and get you comfortable up top. Let's make you

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feel like you're not going to die at 4ft, and then let's go up to

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6ft. Let's figure out ways for you to deal with that fear of heights.

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Let's figure out smaller ways for you to deal with that fear of public

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speaking. And let's find smaller ways for you to

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deal with your fear of dealing with your money.

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Oftentimes, you know, people think, okay, well, if I'm so bad with

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money, I have to go and get a financial advisor so that they can deal

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with my money. But then the next thought immediately is like, oh, my God. But

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then they're gonna know what a show I am, they're gonna see all this stuff,

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and then they're gonna judge me. And of course, like, it makes logical

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sense that that should be the way that you deal with your money. You should

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hand it off to someone. But if that is just a

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scary, if having someone else see behind the curtain

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of all the things that you've been doing, you're not going to do it.

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So while it might make sense, it's not good advice.

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And one of the things that I work with a lot of my clients on

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are what are the smaller things that we can do to

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desensitize you to the fear of your money. What are the

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small actions you can take? You know, for some of my

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clients, it's literally logging into their bank account

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and checking their balance once a week and doing so after, like,

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a gratitude meditation and doing some journaling on

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it. And sometimes, like, giving them full permission to give me a

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call afterwards if they need to be talked off the ledge. It's not just

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people who are broke who are terrified of their money. There are

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some really successful people who are great at

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making money, who are also afraid to check in on their money. Just

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because you feel avoidant and afraid of your money doesn't mean

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that you're a failure. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be successful. It

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just means you have some fear. And where that fear comes from, we're going to

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get into in a minute. For the hyper

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vigilant fear type, the work is a little opposite.

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The work is far more around. When that fear comes up, when

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that urge to check your bank balance comes up,

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checking in with yourself, noticing. Okay, cool. Where is

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this fear coming from? Do I have a fear that I'm not going to be

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able to make my rent payment this month? Okay, cool. So I have

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a fear around being unhoused. Great. And then if I'm

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unhoused, then it'll make it really hard for me to get mail. I

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don't know. Like, our brains love to latch onto random

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things that can happen in the world and just channel all of the fear

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that we could possibly experience towards that thing. And for the

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hypervigilant type, learning how to process that fear

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without checking the bank balance is going to be the practice.

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Learning to dial back to maybe just checking it once a day and then maybe

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a couple times a week. For those avoidant types, it's almost like

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you have, like, an overdose of optimism that has an

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undercurrent of scarcity. You're just always optimistic that it's going

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to work out, but you're so afraid of checking because you're, like, pretty sure

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that you're really skating that line. For those who are hyper

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vigilant, however, it's all about scarcity. There's not going

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to be enough. There's not going to be enough. Oh, my God, there's $5 less.

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And I thought, oh, that's right, I bought a coffee. Just because you have fear

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around money does not in itself mean that you're bad with money. It means that

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you're a human who's been raised in a world that has

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literally taught you to be afraid of money. And not to

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mention, we'll get to this in a little bit. If you have ADHD,

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there's also been a ton of messaging about how people with ADHD are

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impulsive and they're bad with money and

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they're far more likely to go into credit card debt and so on and so

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forth. What we're told about our own identity, we do

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accept. If I tell you that you're a Gemini and being a

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Gemini means this, this, this and this, you're gonna believe it.

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It's just human. We love being told, you know, who we are and

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how we're special and especially how we're f ed up. I want to know all

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of it. There's a reason why there are so many different like which

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Hogwarts house, are you a part of tests

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online? Because people love to be

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categorized. You take it on as identity. I'm a Gryffindor,

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thank you very much. Ex speliarmus. So when someone tells you that you have

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ADHD and then gives you a whole list of traits that go along with it,

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one of those traits being you're bad with money, guess what you

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accept as truth. And of course, I just want to acknowledge, again,

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just listening to this podcast and learning about fear and oh my gosh, I'm an

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avoidant fear type when it comes to money. That alone is not going to make

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you better with it. It's not going to take the fear away. It's going to

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give you some awareness. But there's a lot of work that you have to do.

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A lot of this work is what I do in my byob. Build

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your own business group programs and with my one on one clients

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and it takes a long time and the work is never done.

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Working on your relationship with money is kind of like being in good

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physical shape. Unfortunately, you can't work out for

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three months straight and be in the best shape of your life and then just

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be fit for the rest of your life. There's a reason why I've decided that

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if vampires are real, then I plan on devoting myself to a

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very serious workout regime for several months

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and then going and finding a vampire and be like, cool, turn me now. Turn

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me now while I'm in the best shape. I would like to be this way

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for eternity, thank you very much. Your relationship with money

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is going to be something that you're going to have to constantly work on and

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bad news, new level, new devil. Once you work through one thing,

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there's going to be more stuff until it gets easier.

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But let me tell you, it's worth it. It's 100% worth it.

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Okay, so now that we've talked about fear, let's go into something that's a little

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more serious. Oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep

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listening to find out. But first, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel,

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squirrel.

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Let's talk about trauma. There's a lot of trauma associated with

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money, and I'm talking big t trauma, like

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a history of financial abuse and little t

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trauma, where maybe four year old, you

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overheard your parents fighting about money and started feeling

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unsafe. Now, trauma does not come from actually being unsafe.

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Trauma like, it's not like you have to be in a hostage situation at a

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bank to start feeling a lot of trauma. You know,

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when we're children, anytime that we perceive

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the world around us as not being safe and secure, that can cause

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trauma. So mom and dad screaming at each other in the other

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room about one of them making a purchase and them not

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having the money to back it up, and maybe the check bounced. Your

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caretakers are now very scary to you, and as a

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four year old, you cannot differentiate them being mad at each

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other from them just being dangerous and not

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being the safe person that you know and love.

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Of course, we're not going to get into a trauma healing on a podcast.

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It's way too triggering for too many people. And I'm not going to go into

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details, but this is something that I do with a lot of my clients. I

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went through the trauma of money certification several years ago, and

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it was astounding to me the things that even though I had done

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a ton of work on my money relationship, that I literally

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took months to be able to do because of the trauma

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I'd experienced financially. The prime example of this was

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the very first exercise that program had us do, and it was a very

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simple exercise where you went through, they gave you a form and you had

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to do an inventory of all the subscription services that you were signed up

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for. So anything it could be with

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your business, personal, you had to make a whole inventory of them. So

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your Spotify subscription, Netflix, any

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business subscriptions that you have for maybe like your email

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marketing or your payment systems, your

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scheduler, all of it, you had to go through your bank

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balance. You had to really figure out what subscriptions you are a part of.

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And then you had to assess if it was something that you still used

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and if it was something that you still use, then you know, and you still

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liked and you still were happy with it, then you'd keep it.

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And if it was something that you didn't use, you know, you'd also ask

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yourself, why am I keeping this? Why am I staying?

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Signed up for this? And the answers to that question were

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fascinating. Oh, you know, like, one person had a subscription to

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Peloton, and they just really liked

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knowing that they had the option to do workouts, even though they

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used it very sporadically. Some people had signed up for stuff and forgotten. I know.

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We all know that that's a very ADHD thing to do, and it's so

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easy with all these apps that we could possibly sign up for. Some

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people went through their subscriptions and were like, oh, my God, I forgot I signed

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up to that thing. That's amazing. Yeah, I should start using that again.

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And it was just a great reminder of something that had just fallen out of

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sight, out of mind. When I was told that this was the first

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exercise, I was like, oh, cool, this will be easy. And the next day, when

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I was sitting down to do my homework for the certification, and

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I looked at this sheet, and then just the mere idea

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of logging into my credit card and my debit

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card accounts and looking to see how much I was spending on

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these subscriptions, I couldn't do it. I literally couldn't do it. I sat

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there for five minutes just feeling really uncomfortable and, like,

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a failure for not being able to do it. And I was certain

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that I was the only person who couldn't do it. I was certain that there

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was something wrong with me. I just, like, especially coming from

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someone who coaches others on their relationship with money, I felt like such a

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failure. Now, fast forward to the next week when we had our next call,

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and the teacher of the program asked, okay, who was

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able to do that? And I thought that question was really interesting, who

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was able to do that exercise?

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And only about a third of the class was able to raise their hand.

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Everyone else, you know, didn't really raise their

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hand. And some people had started it and then stopped like it was too much

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for them. But a lot of other people, like me, were

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not even able to start it. It

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felt too scary. And one of the things that we were taught,

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you know, early on in this program, is that when you have trauma around

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money, you can either get hyper vigilant about it,

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you can get hyper aroused. I know that that brings into mind another thing,

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but, like, your fear system, your nervous system gets hyper aroused, and you just, like,

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get into this, like, fight or flight mode, and that's not a great

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place to be working through your trauma, that's actually just going to re traumatize you

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on the opposite end, you start disassociating, you

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fawn, you completely check out emotionally. And

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that's also not a great place to work through trauma. Cause you're not actually working

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through it. You're just numbing. Where you want to be is in this

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window of resilience where your nervous system

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can be activated. You can absolutely feel

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unsettled, but you don't feel like you have to run away from

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it. Now this exercise, I tried doing it

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for, I want to say, like a month and a half I thought about it.

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I like really like had to process my emotions around, like, why it was so

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scary for me. Why was it so hard for me to go and do it?

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And it was very activating doing that.

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But going through that process where I literally was not able to do it

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was all incredibly healing, you know? So just like when we're dealing with

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basic fears around money, when we're dealing with trauma, we don't have

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to go to the extreme other end of the spectrum and do like the

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scariest thing we can think of. Literally, just thinking

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about, thinking about thinking about doing the thing

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can help us move towards healing. Now, if you

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have a great deal of trauma around money, I urge you to go and get

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some support, either from a trauma trained therapist and you want to be very

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specific to find a therapist who specializes with trauma.

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Or if you're. If you're curious about the trauma of money program, I'm going

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to link it in the show notes so you can go to

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weeniecast.com trauma of money and check

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it out. I can't recommend it enough. And of course,

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if you are wanting to start a business and you want to have an all

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in one little package, I do all of this within my programs. I help

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my clients through the trauma of money style of coaching. I

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don't offer therapy.

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The third thing that gets in people's way when it comes to

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making more money and keeping more money is their sense of

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worthiness. One of the top debates that I have with my clients is

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on their pricing how much money I think they should be

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charging for their work and how much money I know they

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can make from their work. And oftentimes what

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I'm debating with is not actually their higher

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self. It's not like the part of them that understands the value they

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provide. It's the part of them that thinks that there's a reason why they can't

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charge more. We're incredibly good at collecting

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evidence about why we're not good enough. It's kind of like

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that movie mean girls. You know, how, like, the popular girls have that burn

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book where they say all these nasty, mean things about everyone else.

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I mean, we all have that on ourselves.

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We all have a whole collection of

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memories and data and proof that we're not

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good enough, that there are other people who are better than us. That,

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like, of all of our failures, of all the times that we fell

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short. And it's especially prevalent

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for folks with ADHD because we aren't just getting this

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feedback verbally from people. We're not just

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having very clear instances of, like, falling short on stuff like,

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the world is not designed for us, you know, how the world

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is designed just does not work for us. So we don't thrive in it. We

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don't thrive with how other people organize their desks. We

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don't thrive with how schools organize their schedules. When we

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hear that being a part of the 05:00 a.m. club works for a bunch of

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other people and it doesn't work for us, that is a little failure.

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All these things, it's this constant gaslighting that we should

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be better, that it should be easier. Why is it so hard? Oh, it must

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just be your willpower. Oh, you must not be good enough. You must not be

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smart enough. And all of that garbage erodes

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at your sense of self worth, your sense of deserving.

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And oftentimes that corresponds with what you're willing to

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charge. Oftentimes it corresponds with how

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much money you allow yourself to keep at the end of the day.

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I've spoken with some really

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talented, incredible human beings

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who are kind and funny and intelligent and

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have decades of experience who've

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spent so much money on different aspects of their business

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to prove that they're worthy of the business.

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You can make hundreds of thousands of dollars in your business and spend

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all of it trying to prove that you're good enough. You can also

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completely under charge trying to get

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testimonials to prove that your work

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is good enough before you raise your rates. And if

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you're guilty of that, know that you're not alone. Most of the people who sign

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up for my programs do that in the beginning, but don't do it, because all

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it does is train people that you're really cheap.

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The last little bit here is I want to talk about your track record. You

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know, all the things that you've done in the past that, like, quote unquote,

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mean that you're bad with money. Maybe you're an impulsive

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shopper. Maybe you're one of those people who really enjoys going

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to target and just letting target speak to you, and all of a sudden you

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have a $300 bill. I obviously have never been there. I've

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never done that myself. Just kidding. I have totally done that. Maybe

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you're an emotional shopper. Maybe when you're feeling really stressed out, you learned

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early on that going and buying something makes you feel better,

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which, by the way, is actually a soothing mechanism. It is a

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self care mechanism that you learned early on. It's actually a trauma response

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in a lot of ways. Your track record of your salary up

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until now, you know, if you've been massively underpaid for

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most of your career, you've basically been told by every

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authority figure that you've known that you're not worthy enough, you're

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not worth more money. This is a big conversation that I have to have with

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clients who used to be teachers when they start their own business, because

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oftentimes we have to separate them from this pride

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of doing more work for less money. Because, I mean, that's what

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happens in the teaching profession. That's what happens in the nursing profession. Any

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profession where you're expected to give more and accept less, of

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course, pride is going to be associated with it because the human

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spirit cannot survive thinking that they

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can't be proud of what they're doing. So whether you've made really bad

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money choices in the past, whether you have some

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questionable spending habits, or whether you've had

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a history of being underpaid, yes, it's easy to take

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all that and be like, cool. Here's the evidence of how much money I deserve.

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Here's the evidence of what I can be trusted with. You can

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absolutely go with that story, or you can write a new

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one, because I want to remind you that your past does not

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determine your future. And of course, if you're struggling with any of this,

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if you aren't really sure how you're being held back by your relationship with

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money, if you have a lot of fear around charging

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more, how to keep your money, how to really feel

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safe and secure with money coming in, then I

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invite you to book a generate income strategy call with me. In this

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call, we'll really assess what's going on with your relationship with money, how it's

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impacting your business, and really creating limitations for you in the business.

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And if it makes sense, we can talk about a few of my programs where

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we work very heavily on your relationship with money. If you

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want to go and book that, then go to weeniecast.com

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strategycallen

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Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.

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