Have you ever wondered why something seemingly small can trigger such a huge emotional reaction?

Why does being left out, criticized, or rejected sometimes feel far bigger than the moment itself?

The answer may not be in your present—it may be in your childhood.

In this powerful episode, I sit down with David Deane Haskell, author of Wounded Angels and Inner Child Unleashed, to explore the life-changing power of inner child healing and why unresolved childhood trauma continues to influence our relationships, confidence, emotional reactions, and even addiction later in life.

David shares his own remarkable journey through addiction recovery, codependency, spiritual awakening, and emotional healing while offering practical insight into reconnecting with the younger parts of ourselves that still carry pain.

Together we discuss:

✔ What inner child healing actually is

✔ Why emotional triggers are rarely about the present moment

✔ How shame attacks differ from anxiety or panic attacks

✔ The connection between addiction, codependency, and childhood trauma

✔ Why affirmations feel uncomfortable when you first begin healing

✔ Learning to love yourself after years of self-hatred

✔ Gratitude, spirituality, and emotional recovery

✔ Healing relationships with parents—and yourself

✔ Why every healing journey begins with curiosity instead of judgment

If you've ever struggled with people-pleasing, low self-worth, emotional overwhelm, or wondering why you react so strongly to certain situations, this conversation will help you understand yourself with greater compassion—and remind you that healing is possible.

Connect with David Dean Haskell

🌐 Website:

https://daviddeanehaskell.com

📚 Wounded Angels

https://mybook.to/woundedangels

📝 Inner Child Journal (Substack)

https://innerchildjournal.substack.com

📸 Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/daviddeanehaskell

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies,

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Well, hello everybody, and

welcome back to another episode

2

of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today, we have with us David Dean

Haskell, who writes speculative

4

science fiction, healing nonfiction,

and wellness-centered essays about

5

identity, belonging, transformation,

and the meeting points of technology,

6

spirituality, trauma, and imagination.

7

His work follows outsiders and wounded

people trying to become whole without

8

abandoning the parts of themselves

that once helped them survive.

9

Welcome, David.

10

Thank you so much, Tammy.

11

It's amazing to be here, and I'm

really grateful that we could

12

connect, from across the world.

13

you're in…

14

You said you're in China.

15

Japan.

16

I'm sorry … just outside of Tokyo.

17

yeah.

18

Okay.

19

I have been to China.

20

I've been all over Asia, but yeah,

I'm in Japan at the moment, so.

21

Okay.

22

, Nothing so exotic where I'm at.

23

I'm in Florida, right

next to Disney World.

24

I'm right next to Disneyland

Tokyo, so- Well, there you go

25

small world.

26

Okay.

27

. Yeah.

28

Sounds good.

29

So it looks like, and I don't have

a whole lot of information about

30

you, but I did read just the names

of your books and things like that.

31

So I'm gonna get right into that and

jumpstart into that conversation,

32

because there's a reason you wrote a

book titled what you titled your book.

33

So talk about your book to start

with, and that'll , get us going.

34

Okay.

35

Thank you.

36

, The book, I think that we're gonna focus

on today is Wounded Angels, which is an

37

inner child healing book, and it came, it

came out of the healing that I was already

38

doing, that I was already working on.

39

I had written a whole bunch of science

fiction before that, four novels

40

I published between 2013 to 2019,

and , I also have a new sci-fi book.

41

So I'm really kinda melding

sci-fi and, trauma healing,

42

which doesn't sound like…

43

I mean, in a way it makes sense in

my mind because I'm basically looking

44

at the past, how to heal it, what

happened, essays on what's going on

45

these days, my travels and whatnot on

Substack, and then the future, right?

46

So for me, the only fiction

I write is the future.

47

, The nonfiction as I see

it is all in the past.

48

And so Wounded Angels came out of that.

49

I was, recovering from trauma, recovering

from addiction, had been doing, a lot

50

of, adult child of dysfunction kind

of things, including, doing a lot of

51

reading about codependence, which was…

52

I mean, I had substance issues, but

I also had people addiction issues.

53

Right.

54

It turned out the people

thing was even deeper.

55

And so the inner child came out

of that, and I was doing it,

56

and for years really, 2001-ish.

57

I wasn't really writing at the time.

58

I was in the middle of a

writer's block because I- Mm-hmm

59

was trying to, heal spiritually and

emotionally, and I just couldn't write.

60

And when I was able to finally

write after some of the healing was

61

done, the book kind of wrote itself.

62

It was, I had just started

chronicling the work.

63

So as I was doing inner child work

every morning, I was also writing it.

64

So it's just like real time

what healing feels like for me.

65

Sounds good.

66

I mean, and inner child work and inner

child healing is so transformational.

67

I want you to give…

68

I, I've done it on and off.

69

I mean, it's part of my life

forever now, just pulling the

70

little pieces and everything.

71

But tell people that are listening

that have never really delved

72

into like a program or a workbook

or whatever it is, what your big

73

picture of inner child healing is.

74

Yeah.

75

it's interesting 'cause a lot of

people aren't familiar with it and

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, the terminology can throw you off.

77

There's this IFS stuff, which is,

internal family systems, which is a

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more structured kind of, psychiatric,

evolution of inner child really.

79

But for me, what it really comes down

to is when I have a trigger in the

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current moment, and trigger is also

another word that is kinda overused

81

, and abused and that sort of thing,

but when I say trigger, I just mean

82

an emotional or mental reaction that

seems oversized to the situation.

83

And what I usually give as an example

is if, Tammy and Joey go off to

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dinner and don't invite me, or even

specifically say, "You're not invited,"

85

I might be, hurt or sad or irritated.

86

But if I really blow up and just go,

"I can't believe I never get invited.

87

People hate me.

88

Why am I so disliked?"

89

All this kind of stuff, for me, it

always goes back to some deeper root

90

issue, something to do with trauma

or, rejection, discard, abuse,

91

neglect from when I was a kid.

92

I do have, I do get in touch with inner

child adults too, but the ones that were

93

stuck in those, scapegoated places and

those shamed places, that's inner child.

94

And for me, I have a, had a really

easy one 'cause I had an extremely

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traumatic day when I was nine years old.

96

I remember it clear as

a bell, I always have.

97

And it, it's in the book.

98

it's really the crux of the, the

structure of the book, Wounded Angels.

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And so for me, it was like finding the

inner child was not a problem because I

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had a clearly traumatized, this is the

worst day of my life moment to go back to.

101

So when I got re-traumatized, .. about

40 years later, which is also in the

102

book, I suddenly could clearly see,

okay, this nine-year-old was traumatized.

103

He's having a shame attack, which

he didn't understand what that was.

104

he feels like unlikable, unlovable,

impossible to recover from that.

105

He can't make friends, and he

agrees with them that he must

106

be just unlikable and unlovable.

107

And that kid, the traumatized

kid, just got stuck there.

108

And so that's the inner child work,

finding that stuck part of us, and

109

then kind of, just sitting with

them, listening, asking questions.

110

it depends on what they need, but I

find the inner child is extremely wise.

111

It's like I'm not here to

parent them necessarily.

112

It's more like I wanna hear what

they have to say about how they

113

were not properly taken care of.

114

Right.

115

And just show them that

you're here now for them.

116

Did you ever, going through your work

with inner child work, did you ever have

117

a therapist or w- whatever, a psychiatrist

or anybody tell you to do the old put

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the picture of yourself on a mirror

and, and tell yourself you love yourself

119

and look at that picture every day?

120

Haven't done the picture thing, no.

121

But I have, I've, affirmations

are, well, not so much anymore.

122

I haven't done affirmations in a

while, but they have over the years

123

been, big now that I mention it.

124

I should get back to them,

'cause affirmations are awesome.

125

And the thing about that

is they're so cringe.

126

when you first start

it, "Oh, I love myself.

127

, You're lovable."

128

It's like, "Ugh, I wanna throw up.

129

This is gross."

130

and that's trauma too, 'cause like-

Mm-hmm I wouldn't mind saying that

131

to a six-year-old that I know,

but why would I not say it to

132

myself, especially my child self?

133

So I don't cringe

anymore, but whenever I…

134

It's kind of, sweet when you meet somebody

who's doing it for the first time that

135

has been, affected so deeply and they

start cringing and, "Oh, this is gross.

136

I can't stand it."

137

It's like, yeah, I know how you

feel, and that's the trauma getting

138

released- Absolutely … because

we all deserve that kind of thing.

139

Yeah.

140

Absolutely.

141

I remember, ' I did it very

on the sly 'cause nobody

142

knew I was, going to therapy.

143

it was like this whole thing, So I

remember having a picture of myself, and

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it was inside my journal, and I would

open it every day and I would look at it.

145

And you're right, it was cringe at first.

146

at first, I hated that little girl.

147

It took me a long time

before I was like, "Huh.

148

Wow.

149

She was actually kinda innocent, kind of

vulnerable, kinda maybe needed more than

150

she got," But .. It took months of that.

151

Mm-hmm.

152

So if you were, if, when I tell people,

and I, I, the reason I ask you that

153

is because I do run across a lot of

people, and they'll hear someone say,

154

"Oh, you should d- go do inner child

work," and that's sometimes one of

155

the first things that - is suggested

to them, and sometimes- Mm-hmm

156

that stops the whole process.

157

Yeah.

158

Because there is- Well- … that

self-loathing and that self-shame

159

and that s- that shame spiral like

you kind of alluded to before.

160

Totally.

161

Shame, well, shame spiral, yes.

162

I also refer to shame attack, which

is actually akin to a panic attack,

163

which people, a lot more people

can kinda more easily relate to.

164

Even if you don't have a panic attack,

you know what it would feel like if

165

a tiger walked into the room, right?

166

So, you can imagine a panic

attack or, an actual panic.

167

Shame attack is similar to that.

168

It's just as horrible, just

as, all-encompassing and

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just, "I gotta fix this.

170

I gotta get out of here."

171

In panic attack, you tend to run.

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Shame attack, more you go inward.

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Right.

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"I have to, I have to

hide in plain sight."

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And, yeah.

176

And the shame spiral, too.

177

It's, I think that's another aspect

of shame, which, because it, you, you

178

start, putting yourself down and, and

finding re- ways to feel worse and worse.

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And, the one thing I would say as

far as people who are stopping or

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who, as you said, which is sad to

hear, "I hated that little girl."

181

me too, I hated that boy.

182

a lot of them, not just the one,

but, the various situations.

183

I sometimes say inner children.

184

But yeah, if somebody feels like

that, and I did, and you did- It,

185

logically, if you think about it,

'cause we're all smart people, if

186

you think about it logically and

rationally, if you met a seven-year-old

187

kid, would you ever hate them?

188

Right.

189

You know?

190

Right?

191

Would you see the innocence, see the

damage, try to help them all you could?

192

I mean, yeah, maybe you might meet

a seven-year-old that irritates

193

you or whatever but, point being,

hating ourselves is not logical.

194

It doesn't make sense.

195

It's a trauma thing, and

that's, and I, I didn't believe.

196

I was like, "N- no."

197

somebody said to me long ago,

"Go where you're celebrated,

198

not where you're tolerated."

199

Mm.

200

Right?

201

And I- I love that … and that's,

that's my life today, but it took years.

202

And at the time, I couldn't accept that.

203

I was like, "The best I will ever

do is tolerated because I'm not

204

likable and I'm not lovable."

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This was only, five, six years ago.

206

Wow.

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You know?

208

That, that was my reality,

and, and it's not true.

209

, I am likable.

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I am lovable.

211

I don't cringe when I say that.

212

Not everybody likes me, but that's okay.

213

I don't have to be liked by everyone.

214

I like myself, I love myself, and

I'm pretty cool with the way things

215

are going, and that took a lot of

inner child work and other, what-

216

whatever you wanna use for modalities.

217

I used a bunch and I, it's in the

back of my book, I talk about the

218

techniques that I used and whatnot.

219

but yeah, inner child

is a huge part of that.

220

Yeah.

221

And like you said, the I- the IFS, the

internal family systems, and that's,

222

Mm-hmm … the parts work and, and,

but the, the big idea of everything,

223

I think, and I agree 100% with you,

is no matter what it is, no matter

224

how you're walking around in the world

today, if you're not walking around like

225

you wanna be, it's probably because of

something that happened a long time ago.

226

, I have yet to have someone be

like, "Oh yeah,, I just got these

227

confidence issues at 56, 6 years old."

228

It's like, no, they came when

people were telling me I was a

229

horrible kid when I was eight.

230

You know?

231

When people were, when you were afraid to

stand up, 'cause every time you stood up,

232

you were told to sit down and shut up.

233

And, I mean, those are, those are

the things, and when we talk, about

234

affirmations and stuff, I try to make

it very blatantly clear to people,

235

that , the way you act, - when you

overreact, or those are the big things.

236

And I try to tell people, so I'll say

it to myself sometimes, I'll snap, and

237

you used a great example about somebody

not inviting you some- somewhere,

238

where it might just be that it was

just them making plans, but all of

239

a sudden you go into this, "It's me.

240

They don't like me.

241

I'm not likable," and you start down

this road where at the end of the day

242

It's because of what was done

to you when you were little.

243

And I try to explain to people, when

you are little, everything is big.

244

Mm-hmm.

245

So even if you can trace it

back to that exact moment, now

246

as an adult you're like, "Wow."

247

I mean, I'm not saying in your case, but

in some cases people are like, "Wow, that

248

didn't seem like that big of a deal."

249

"But when you were five, that's huge."

250

Sure.

251

It's huge.

252

Yeah.

253

No, absolutely true.

254

And, and it's, I see that

too when I talk to others.

255

'Cause I, I had some extreme trauma.

256

My mom passed away when I was four.

257

Mm.

258

This is traumatic.

259

Even before that point, my

parents divorced when I was, one.

260

She remarried, and we moved several times.

261

She was mentally unwell, and, these

kinds of things, even without her passing

262

away, would've been quite traumatic.

263

Right.

264

And so, and then my

dad, dad was alcoholic.

265

so it's kinda easy to

say, "Okay, yeah, trauma."

266

But then other people say, "Well, my

story wasn't that bad," this or that.

267

sometimes people just

don't see it until later.

268

but then other times, I think, as

you say it, everybody's experience

269

is their own profound experience, and

some people had it way worse than me.

270

I think, I refer to, the kids in a

war zone, that, that kind of thing.

271

You know, obviously , there is

a, a range of things, but, if

272

you were hurt, you were hurt.

273

If you were wounded, you were wounded.

274

And, caregivers can wound with just words.

275

Oh, absolutely.

276

And it can really…

277

Yeah.

278

And my, my dad, who I did make peace

with him, and, he read my book.

279

He, in my book, and- Oh, wow … I

gave it to him before I published it.

280

He, it, it hurt him.

281

, He felt badly about it,

but I told my truth.

282

And, yeah, he was doing the

best he could, but he was

283

alcoholic, and he was doing harm.

284

I understand this because I was doing

the best I could with my daughter.

285

I'm alcoholic, and I did harm.

286

Right.

287

So I was able to see both sides of that.

288

And then when I was able to quit the

substances and quit the codependency

289

and all that stuff, I was able

to start repairing things with my

290

daughter, with- together with her help.

291

She was willing, and she tried.

292

You know, I love her.

293

We had lunch together yesterday.

294

She's 22 years old, So- Aw … from

14 to 22, things could be repaired.

295

But in any case, harm was done.

296

I didn't want to, I didn't

mean to, but I did harm to her.

297

My dad did harm to me, whether he

meant to or not, and I don't believe

298

that he meant to, but, the- Well-

299

you could not mean, you could not mean

to hit somebody with your car, and it

300

still hurts them and still, it does harm.-

301

Exactly.

302

You don't necessarily…

303

And that's one of the hardest things

with the alcoholism, too, is that, when

304

people, people talk about different

addictions and different kinds of

305

dysfunction and different traumas

and different things, and so often

306

I, I look back, at my parents, and

100%, I, I'm at peace with it now.

307

I'm, I was at peace with my father.

308

I said my father never did anything wrong.

309

he never hit me.

310

He never, physically abused me.

311

He never did any of that.

312

But at the same time, he wasn't

emotionally there enough to do

313

anything right, to protect me-

Right … to be there for me.

314

- Mm-hmm … and, and with that,

again, I can look back at it

315

now, and there's no emotional,

energetic charge of anger behind it.

316

Mm-hmm.

317

But it took a long time.

318

Yeah It took a long time.

319

But I think- And there was anger, yeah.

320

Yeah There is, and there, those emotions,

we have to go through them too, 'cause I-

321

Mm … I really, I, I used to say early

on in the healing process, there was three

322

people that I hated more than anyone.

323

My dad, myself, and God.

324

Mm.

325

Right?

326

And, literally I couldn't

pick between those three.

327

My dad was probably third, and

then me and God were tied for

328

first, something like that.

329

Mm.

330

And that, that had to do with,

, why did you let my mom die?

331

You know , that's like, that's,

how do you make peace with that?

332

Well, everybody has their

own spiritual journey too.

333

Right.

334

But, I was angry, hateful,

spiteful, resentful, all that,

335

and, and I felt those emotions.

336

I allowed myself to feel it, and I also

did some, a lot of writing work on it.

337

You know, there is, there's

so much help out there- Yeah

338

if people are ready to

give it a try, So yeah.

339

And it's also, having walked both

sides of it, you have a much more

340

compassionate view of it too,

because you can see- I do, I do you,

341

you really, you have, you have to.

342

I mean, you've walked both sides.

343

You've been- Yeah … the person that

had the alcoholic parent, and you've

344

been the alcoholic parent so- Yep

345

you can, you can walk both sides.

346

Yeah.

347

And I think that's, I think that is such

a good place to come from when you're

348

helping people, because so much, even

though we try not to, there's still that

349

stigma and there's that judgment, and

there's that just not understanding, not

350

understanding- Yeah … what that's like.

351

And- Sure - talk about, tell us

about when you went through, you

352

said you went through a pretty

profound spiritual journey.

353

I mean, if- Mm-hmm … you and- Yeah

… you, your father, and God you hated

354

the most out of three beings in the

world, that had to have been a pretty

355

intense journey to come out of that.

356

Absolutely.

357

And, again, it wasn't fast.,

358

I'm really, I encourage people to take

it slow and realize, like there's a

359

lot of quick fix stuff out there on

the internet and podcasts and all this.

360

Just let it go and do a minute of

affirmations and you're gonna be a

361

millionaire or whatever, they go.

362

… That wasn't my story.

363

and even two years into, or like almost

two years after quitting all substances,

364

well not coffee, but other substances,

I still hadn't made peace with the

365

higher power thing, God, whatnot.

366

And I used to call myself an

atheist, but I think I never was.

367

I think I just hated, God.

368

And so I, you know, every, again, I'm,

I'm not gonna get too deeply into my

369

resolutions, but I did a reflection

and prayer, meditation, exercise,

370

grounding, these, these things over a

course of months and years led me to

371

some personal conclusions about what

I think that whole thing is all about

372

and, , why I don't believe God does

mean things or terrible things for me.

373

Um, but the spiritual awakening came.

374

It, it was June 2020.

375

I wrote, it's on my Substack.

376

I wrote about it actually.

377

Oh, wow.

378

And it was, it, it came out of meditation.

379

I'd started doing meditation for real

for a while, and at first it was,

380

I got these really dark thoughts.

381

The world is horrible.

382

Everything's horrible.

383

I'm horrible, And then over a couple

of days, I continued meditating.

384

That stuff sort of flushed itself

out, and I was on a beach not far from

385

here, and- I had a sudden thought,

which was, "I should be dead."

386

And this was age 50.

387

I had actively worked hard

to harm myself for decades.

388

I was 100 pounds overweight,

reckless stuff all the time,

389

, I should have died from

liver failure or lung cancer.

390

I was a heavy smoker.

391

I did reckless things like, just

you name it, reckless things.

392

Mm-hmm.

393

And so I- it's just luck, or whatever

you wanna call it, that I was alive,

394

? And I was sitting on that beach,

and suddenly the, the sky seemed

395

much bigger and the ocean seemed

much bigger, and I was like, "Wow."

396

Then I got this sense of presence, which-

Mm-hmm … hasn't ever really left me.

397

It comes and goes in intensity.

398

But, it's a personal feeling.

399

I don't claim any knowledge or

that anybody should agree with me.

400

But for me, that just changed things.

401

But I still kind of hated the guy,

so it was like there was still

402

a lot of work to be done there.

403

And My understanding of God is kinda,

I can just be like, "You, you jerk.

404

What, what's wrong with you?

405

Why'd you do this to me today?"

406

I can talk to him however I want

'cause I'm the child of creation,

407

whatever you wanna call it.

408

I don't worry about, groveling.

409

Right.

410

No.

411

Yeah.

412

Absolutely not.

413

Absolutely not.

414

Yeah, and it's, and it's funny how

people go through that different thing.

415

Because people always said, "Well,

did you always believe in God?"

416

one time my daughter, I remember her

said to me, she gave me, this little

417

cross, and I was like, "Man, we haven't

gone to church in so long," and "Why

418

would you, why do you think that would

be a symbol that would represent me?"

419

And she's like, "'Cause you are

the most spiritual person I know."

420

Yeah.

421

, In your own way.

422

But I can remember.

423

Right.

424

I can remember when I was a little

kid, whenever I would get scared,

425

and I can, several times throughout

my life, I can remember, hiding

426

in certain places and being like,

asking, "Who's gonna come save me?"

427

kinda thing.

428

And it was so- Mm … funny 'cause

like you said, you kinda get

429

this presence , and I remember

hearing, "Tammy, Tammy, Tammy".

430

And literally for, until I was about 25

years old, I was like, "You're mocking me.

431

Are you kidding me?"

432

Like- Yeah … it was like I could

picture him, shaking his head, being

433

like, "Give me a break," you know?

434

And I was, I, that, I was mad at that

point, and it wasn't until I was 26 when

435

I was getting ready to have my first kid

that all of a sudden I was like, "Huh."

436

It was like one day I just

heard it differently.,

437

One day I heard him being

like, "You're gonna save you."

438

Like, "Me, you, we're together,

we got this" kinda thing.

439

Right.

440

Yeah.

441

And that was, everybody has their moment.

442

but I mean, you ha- Well, I, not to get

too, I don't wanna be dark about it, but

443

not everybody has their moment, though.

444

Some people take this pain into

the grave, which I've seen.

445

Oh, no, I'm s- That's a bad thing … no,

I'm saying that- But … when people

446

have that awakening- When, yeah

447

or whatever you wanna call

it- When it, when it's,

448

yes … it's usually a, a moment.

449

But- Yeah.

450

Oh, yeah.

451

Like, I didn't, not to, and

also not to contradict either,

452

I love what you're saying.

453

I'm hanging on every word.

454

I just, I had, the, the trauma

and addiction can really…

455

This is why I wanna, if anybody's

struggling, don't give up hope.

456

Gives, give- Yeah … a try to some stuff

because yeah, it's, when you, if you do

457

get there,, it's beautiful, and it starts

to heal the stuff that was horrible.

458

Yeah.

459

But yeah, the, it is, and I do know

some people who didn't get there,

460

and it's, that's also tragic.

461

I lost a cousin to alcohol.

462

He was 29 years old.

463

Wow.

464

So as I sort of- I, as I say, I'm

not looking to switch it to the

465

dark side, but it's- Oh, no, no,

no … it's very, it's great That's,

466

I mean- It's really, you're serious.

467

This stuff is so serious,

, and it's beautiful.

468

I encourage people to, find their

own way, that the stuff that

469

we're talking about here, right?

470

Yeah.

471

. And it's whatever you

need to get you there.

472

- I've said to people, "If you don't wanna

do it for you, do it for your children.

473

Do it for, you know, whatever."

474

Mm-hmm.

475

Like, what- whatever gets you there,

but you have to want to do it.

476

I mean, that's the biggest thing.

477

When you are in there, you

ha- you have to want to.

478

Something inside you has got-

Mm-hmm … to want to either

479

have a better life or just live.

480

Mm-hmm.

481

because- I think, yeah, I totally agree

with you, and I, if you're out there

482

and trying to figure out how to do

it, or if, you feel like, I, I don't

483

want to, or I'm not worth it, or I

can't, for me, I think the question is

484

has the, is, am I in enough pain yet?

485

because to me it's like, sometimes

people said, "Oh, you're courageous

486

for quitting drinking," or whatever.

487

I don't see it as courage necessarily,

but more like the pain just got

488

so much that I had no choice.

489

Like- Mm … you know, when you hit

that bottom, you'll do anything, right?

490

But, the thing is, people

don't have to wait for that.

491

Right.

492

I, I had to wait for that twice,

'cause it was two bottoms, 'cause

493

codependency was a whole different thing.

494

Right.

495

and that was the start

of the inner child work.

496

But, , you know, have

you been in enough pain?

497

Are you tired of it yet?

498

, Are you ready to, , wanna try something

else,, just to try to ease the pain?

499

, That to me is the thing, because

sometimes you can be so self-loathing.

500

I was.

501

I was like, "No, I'm

not, I'm not worth it.

502

Nobody thinks I am, and neither do I."

503

but I am in a lot of pain.

504

Right.

505

So it's like, if you're, if you're

in so much, pain that you have

506

to go to the doctor, that kind of

thing, and you know, does help.

507

, And I try to tell

everybody, you are worth it.

508

And even, like I said- Yeah … if you

have children, if you have parents that

509

love you, whatever it is, you're worth it.

510

And that's, it, it's a hard c- it's

really, really hard when you're,

511

when you're that deep and you're

just feeling like you're not.

512

Hard to.

513

Yeah.

514

And sometimes even- Mm-hmm … y-

a lot of ti- most of the time

515

actually, it's not even a thing that

you might consciously be aware of.

516

It's, a l- a lot of the people that I

talk to that are just like, "I don't

517

understand why I'm just not happy," or,

"Why I just feel like when I walk in a

518

room everybody's looking at me," and it's

all that subconscious, it's all that.

519

And, and they'll kinda go back to that,

"Well, I never had this big trauma.

520

Nobody ever told me I was hated.-

521

That doesn't matter.

522

Like you said, if you were hurt, and

something happened at some point along the

523

way and it changed the way you look at the

world, and it changed the way you look at

524

yourself, then it was trauma Absolutely.

525

Absolutely.

526

Trauma's not definable.

527

No, absolutely not.

528

I had, I use an example all the time

of one of the, one of the people that

529

I work with, and she literally just

had this un- just unshakable feeling

530

that she was not lovable by her mother.

531

And her mother told her she loved

her all the time, and we literally,

532

kinda went back over several months.

533

And finally one day we're talking

and she goes, "I remember."

534

And I was like, "What?"

535

She goes, "When I was in first grade,

my mother got a new job, and she was

536

late three days in a row to pick me up

because they were getting the schedules

537

right, and she was at a sleepover in

front of 15 of her friends, and the mom

538

came down to say, 'I love you girls,'

and the little girl turned around and

539

looked at her and said, 'Your mom must

not love you because she doesn't come

540

to school to pick you up on time.'"

541

Oh, no.

542

And I literally was like, ba-bing.

543

And I said, "That had the same

effect on her as my mother who

544

told me she hated me every day."

545

It's just , what you hear.

546

And like I said, when you're

little, everything is big Mm-hmm.

547

Yeah.

548

Absolutely.

549

And the, the caregivers,

they're gods, right?

550

Yeah.

551

I mean, if you think about it like that.

552

And yeah, and gods can't do wrong,

so- Exactly … it must be my fault.

553

Yeah, that's-- that again, that, that's

also - what informed my God concept,

554

the higher power concept, and the, as

far as like the higher power, and if

555

you're out there listening and you're

like, "I don't believe in God, I

556

don't believe in this, I don't believe

in that," I- Mm-hmm … it's okay.

557

But what I can tell you might

help sometimes is just believe

558

that there's something…

559

If you can't handle it or you're not

feeling like you can handle it, I

560

told somebody the other day, I don't

care if it's the frog statue in your

561

front yard, if you think somebody

else can handle it or something else

562

can handle it, surrender to that.

563

Surrender to that because it just

takes a little of the burden off.

564

So whether it's the universe or the, the

Buddha or God or Allah or the frog statue

565

in your front yard, just knowing that you

don't have to handle everything sometimes

566

just takes a little of the stress away.

567

Hmm, absolutely.

568

And also, I would add that, for me,

it was a long time, that process,

569

to get to a spiritual place.

570

But even before that, what I started

with, , I was helped with this by

571

people, who were very kind and loving.

572

I started with, gratitude.

573

Mm-hmm.

574

And it was like, "Well, what

do I have to be grateful for?

575

Oh, well, it's, it's kind of

a nice day today," you know?

576

"Oh, the," , "that, that

puppy's kinda cute,"

577

"i'm, I'm grateful that there's

food in the refrigerator.

578

I'm not gonna starve today."

579

These kinds of things, very simple and,

so that started me on a certain path.

580

And it, it also kind of started

to bring me back to myself.

581

When I started to feel grateful for

things, I started to be okay being

582

in my own skin because, , my brain

wasn't constantly doing negative.

583

It was doing some positive, you know?

584

It's hard to hang out with

a negative person, right?

585

Right.

586

So if you're negative by yourself, then

you don't wanna hang out with yourself.

587

And if you can't be quiet and spend

time with yourself, then you're in a,

588

in a place where you're not gonna start

getting to those spiritual experiences.

589

Right.

590

And I- And from there, I also

encourage, whatever s- spirituality

591

means, the meditation or reflection,

even inner child work too I

592

think is a very spiritual thing.

593

So, you know- I think

exploration is a big key.

594

Yeah.

595

Just being curious and not being so

judgmental when you have those thoughts.

596

Just be curious about them-

Yeah … and explore, like you said,

597

explore them instead of judging them.

598

Mm-hmm.

599

Absolutely.

600

And I love that you've mentioned the

fact of the gratitude, and I always say

601

that in the first thing in the morning.

602

I mean, , I always say, "On a

scale of one to 10, what was your

603

stress level when you woke up?"

604

And I would say out of the 300 people

that I asked just to kinda get a,

605

gauge, they were between seven and nine.

606

I'm like, that is terrible.

607

Wow.

608

That is terrible.

609

wake up and, feel your body.

610

Where are you feeling it?

611

Oh, it feels like there's

an elephant on my chest.

612

It's like, okay, well,

just slow that down.

613

Before you do anything, just

find five things, five quick

614

things to be grateful for.

615

Mm-hmm.

616

'Cause it just takes you away from that.

617

You know, and then it, and then just tell

yourself, like you said, the affirmations.

618

And I'm, I'm a very big fan of if

you're gonna do an affirmation,

619

you can't just say it, you have to

feel it, and I truly believe that.

620

And that is the hardest thing, because

I feel like sometimes for me there

621

used to be very empty affirmations.

622

Like- Mm-hmm … I am lovable, I

am adorable, I am blah, blah, blah,

623

blah, blah, and then I would look

in the mirror and be like, "Ugh."

624

So…

625

But- Yeah … you have

to feel it in your body.

626

So I tell people, when you're laying

there and you wake up in the morning

627

and you say, "Thank you, God, for

another day," or just, "Thank you

628

for another day," feel grateful.

629

Feel it.

630

Yeah.

631

So that it, y- because your mind

will start to actually believe that.

632

Mm-hmm.

633

And then it would be, the universe will

give you more things to be grateful for.

634

That's just, , how it works, so.

635

Wonderful.

636

Love it.

637

So, but anyway, so you've got your books.

638

Tell us what else do you do?

639

Tell us about that.

640

what else do I do?

641

I do a number of thing.

642

what else do I do?

643

Let's see.

644

I, well, I'm a writer, so this

is- Okay … the main thing.

645

I've been working on my

publishing business, and on the

646

fiction and the nonfiction side.

647

I've got six books for sale, and so

I'm- Nice … sort of a one-man band.

648

I'm doing the, indie publishing thing, and

that's, there's a lot of work behind that.

649

maintaining the website, doing

outreaches and these kinds of things.

650

I'm also a teacher.

651

I teach English, I teach drums, and

I'm also a professional drummer.

652

I did a bunch of- Oh coaching

clinics in Indonesia last year,

653

which was a whole lot of fun.

654

And so y- if you go on my Instagram,

you'll see a lot of that side of things.

655

So it's, it's kind of a

multifaceted life right now.

656

Sounds amazing.

657

- Mm … and you said you have six

books and probably will have 10

658

by the end of the year, or 27.

659

there'll be two more by the end

of the year- Nice … actually.

660

I've got a new, I have got a follow-up

to Wounded Angels coming out, the

661

second Inner Child book, which

is called Inner Child Unleashed.

662

Okay.

663

there's, and there's also a

sci-fi epic coming out soon.

664

So yeah- … by the end of the

year I'll have eight, hopefully,

665

if I can get that all done, yeah.

666

I'm really curious to see how you

blended in the sci-fi with the

667

inner child type psychology t-

I'm really intrigued with that.

668

It's melding more and more.

669

So I've gotta check that out.

670

Yeah.

671

It's definitely- Absolutely

… melding more and more, so yeah.

672

And if people wanna work with you, find

out more about you, where do they go?

673

What's the best place?

674

My website, daviddeanhaskell.com,

675

and, the, the middle name is spelled

with an E, as we were talking about

676

that before the, the recording.

677

And, it's, yeah, daviddeanhaskell.com.

678

I go by my full name

for a reason, actually.

679

There's another writer out there,

a, a biologist da- named David

680

Haskell, and he's a Pulitzer Prize

winner and whatnot, so, if you Google

681

David Haskell, you won't find me.

682

But if you Google David Dean Haskell,

I come right up, so- Okay … that's

683

the easiest way to find me.

684

Yep.

685

Yep.

686

Perfect, and I will put

that in the show notes.

687

If anybody's driving, you

don't have to write it down.

688

It'll be in there to click, clickable

link so you can get right to it and check

689

out all of his books and everything.

690

… Thank you so much for

coming on, first of all.

691

But you are not off the hook-

Thank you … because you have

692

so much wisdom for people, and

you've had so many experiences.

693

So if you had to give the listeners

one big general idea or words of

694

wisdom, what would it be today?

695

Mm-hmm.

696

Don't give up on yourself.

697

, Don't give up on yourself.

698

That's, you're worth it.

699

It's, and this is, this sounds cheesy

maybe, but it's, these things, again,

700

I say if you think about it logically

like that, like if you look back and

701

you hate the kid that you were when

you were 11, think about if you were

702

met another 11-year-old who was, , a

similar kid, would you hate them?

703

? So logically speaking,

it doesn't make sense.

704

So okay, well then let's get to

the bottom of why this doesn't make

705

sense, ? And there's trauma there,

there's, there's, there's pain

706

there, there's, harm there, wounds.

707

So yeah, don't give up on yourself.

708

It's worth looking into

and, and you can get better.

709

, If I could get better, anyone could.

710

Mm.

711

Well, you look like you're

doing great, so kudos to you.

712

Thank you.

713

Thank you so much.

714

Long journey, and it's always a

journey, but it'll- Mm-hmm … it's

715

definitely every step forward

that you take is so worth it.

716

So, so worth it.

717

Amazing.

718

Thank you so much, Jenny.

719

So thank you again.

720

This was amazing.

721

Yeah.

722

Thank you again for coming on.

723

And for everybody else out there

listening, , you heard him.

724

Do not give up on yourself.

725

Know that you are worthy.

726

You are absolutely amazing.

727

You are loved.

728

You are God's child, and

you are meant to be here.

729

And you're also deserving of

whatever good things you want.

730

So whatever you gotta do, whatever

help you need, whatever support

731

you need, find the people.

732

They're out there.

733

I'm out here.

734

David's out here.

735

And, and come find the support,

and come get the support, and know

736

that, again, you are so loved.

737

And you all have a blessed

week, and we will see you back.

738

Bye.