International Men’s day

TRIGGER Alert

Have people around you celebrated you as a man this weekend ?

I find it very very very interesting how we as a society still struggle with masculinity. 

Do we confuse masculinity with poor leadership ?? 

Full on toxic behaviour has nothing to do with masculinity but has everything to do with blindly continuing to follow outdated leadership skills.

Trust me in recent years I saw many women in leadership positions with outrageous, toxic behaviours and then society expects me to be grateful that ladies finally made it into CEO/ Leading positions, F*** NO !!!

I genuinely don’t care who is leading a country, hosting an event, teaching a workshop etc. if that person is leading from a place of compassion, love, integrity I’m in. But I’m not blindly going to celebrate a women in power if she suppresses other women and verbally mistreats my brothers.

The day I realized how sick my relationship with men is and how much damage I had brought to my relationships because I still had not healed from trauma involving men (I was still filled with rage and hostility) was an extremely scary day..

So funny how I kept trying to be in relationship with men but hadn’t done any work on releasing anger, pain and disappointment. . . 

We talk lots about toxic masculinity, can we see the very positive and healing traits of masculinity as well ? 

YES, call people out on their BS  

YES, set boundaries.

YES, speak up when you feel treated poorly 

AND at the same time

See the brother, healer, father, protector, nurturer in your community and celebrate him.

I want to ask this:

How is a mother who is still angry, hurt, disappointed in men going to raise a healthy/ empowered boy/man ?

How is a mother who is still resentful towards men and fearful going to raise a daughter that is confident and loving towards men ?

I strongly belief that if we CAN NOT celebrate each other we will not be able to move forward as a society and stay stuck in a very hostile and fragile world.

Join me this week for a couple minutes of intentional togetherness

with love and much respect

Aurora

I’m very excited to guide you closer to your real, authentic self. My vision is to support your growth.

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Learn more at

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Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter become the strongest most authentic version of yourself.

Let’s dive in and find out more about this juicy topic that will most likely affect you in one way or another. 

In this episode and many other episodes I touch on topics that I usually work on with my clients. Here in my podcast it will be targeted to a broad spectrum of people. If you'd like to go more into depth with a topic I address, reach out to me.

with love and much respect

Aurora

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Unknown: 00:00:04

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, licensed life coach and

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companion on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you

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feel good. I hope you feel supported and safe, full of

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energy inspired, motivated. And if you do not feel 100% yourself

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right now, I hope that my podcast can bring you value can

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bring you back to yourself, remind you of who you are and

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what you're made of. You are precious, you are unique, you

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are needed. In this world, we need you to step out there and

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to be your most authentic self. Today I want to talk about

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International Men's Day and men's mental health. Maybe some

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of you know that November 19, is International Men's Day. I

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looked it up a couple years ago, because I noticed realize that

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International Women's Day, I think it's much aid is being

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celebrated more and more. And I was wondering what about

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International Men's Day and who celebrates International Men's

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Day. I felt pretty alone this year, I must say, with my posts.

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I got a lot of great feedback. But I didn't see anybody else

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posting anything about a men's Appreciation Day. And yeah, long

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story short, I feel this is where our healing as a society

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for humanity has to start. If we want to become more resilient in

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the future. If we want to enjoy solid, nurturing relationships

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with each other, we have to learn how to celebrate one

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another. We have to celebrate ourselves. And we have to get to

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a place of healing where we celebrate others. And if we

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still have a hard time celebrating men, there is a deep

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issue because ah, I don't know how and where to begin. But if

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we are still resentful if we are still hurting because of past

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pain, disappointment, trauma? How can we move on as a whole

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and build a future that is resilient to stress resilient to

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environmental changes? I don't think it's possible. If we don't

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do the basic work, or feeling and learning to understand each

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other. What are we actually doing? Like why do we still get

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married? Why do we still get engaged? Why do we put babies

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and children through the stress of two people being together but

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actually not really understanding each other and

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resenting each other? Why do we think that this is a good path

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to be on and we keep going even though we see lots of sickness,

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lots of suicide, lots of depression. And this is where I

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want to step in and start creating a space where we can

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have conversations that reveal the trauma that put everything

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on the table so that we cannot live in denial anymore. We live

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with our spouse or partner without even really knowing

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them. We see that they conform they adapt, they sacrifice. But

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do we know what's going on deep within our spa? As a partner of

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friends, if we are single, you don't have to be in a

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relationship to to notice this. It is how you relate to the

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people around you. And what you feel triggered by that I could

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be very easily pointing out where you still need healing and

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growing. Right, if people feel that International Men's Day is

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not a good day to celebrate the men in our lives, what, what are

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we trying to do here? Like, it is as if you were trying to not

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see 50% of our population. I don't know if there's exactly

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50% of men and women out there in our society making 100%. But

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I think you know what I mean. And in the future, I want to

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also refrain from talking about masculine toxicity and feminine

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toxicity, let's just call it full on toxic behavior, and

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shit, attitudes. But let's not attach it to a gender anymore.

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Because there's so many men out there who also suffered from the

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patriarchy and from, from toxic leadership. That if we talk

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about toxic masculinity, I don't know I feel it's not timely

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anymore. Same goes for toxic femininity. It has nothing to do

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with being a female, when you manipulate people when you try

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to hurt people. You know how to say how you say that in English

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through the backdoor? No, you don't say that in English, but

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in subtle ways, right? passive aggression. Controlling the

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other and whatever else we come up with to hurt people in in

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very subtle ways. We have to put everything on the table, and

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look at it and sort through it and be more honest with each

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other and tell each other. What's okay, what's not okay.

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And we have to, in order to become aware of that, know

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ourselves better. And this is another very big heavy thing

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that I'm so persistent about the more you know, yourself, and

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your body and your sensations within your body, the more you

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can tell if something is right for you, or something is off. I

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had a suggestion here recently where a friend of mine was,

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weirdly inappropriately touched by a member of our community.

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And instead of her saying something to his face, she just

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like squirmed away and walked away. And I saw it from afar,

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and I could see that she felt so uncomfortable. And I could see

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that he was so frickin unaware of what he had just done. And

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that's just a small instance, where it doesn't matter which

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gender is, you know, being addressed here. But she decided

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not to say anything and to just move away. And t just wondered,

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oh, why is she moving away and then they started talking about

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something else as a group.

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And those are just these little things that I noticed that I

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feel fac we have to start talking about this without

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blaming but with the intention to raise awareness. If that

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woman was fully aware that this man was making her feel

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uncomfortable making her A cringe inside. And she was just

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to say, hey, you make me feel uncomfortable. This guy could be

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made aware of it, and would not do this anymore in the future to

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her or to other people. Right. It's not about shaming and

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blaming an individual because we want to think the best of a

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person and think that they just don't have the awareness. But we

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need to become aware, and honor how we feel first. And you can

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just do that. If you know yourself, if you listen to

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yourself. And in order to do this, you need to make space and

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time you need to sit and silence at times and observe yourself,

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observe your thoughts. Observe your body, and how you feel. You

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need to tune into your body because your body is like an

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antenna that absorbs stuff from the environment and processes

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it. And then thoughts and feelings come up that then

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influence how you behave, how you think. And if you use your

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body wisely as a tool, and learn to express how you feel. I

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promise you, you will have the honour to enjoy a more authentic

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life tuned to your purpose, and to what you're meant to do here.

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In life, a lot of people right now feel lost, especially after

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COVID After being forced to sit down and to be isolated from

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others from from distractions. Of course, we learn to distract

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ourselves in different ways when we were locked down. But we were

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forced to think about our next steps. Are we in alignment with

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our job with our relationships? Are we on a good path. And a lot

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of people realized, fuck, I'm not on a good path. I'm engaging

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in this work for the wrong reasons. I'm not living up to my

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potential. And I want to live up to my potential. But I don't

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know how it just feels wrong where I'm at right now. And I

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don't know how to make changes. But I know I need to make

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changes. And where you can start if you're in that space right

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now is to start connecting back to your body. And to sense when

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something that you do feels off. And when something that you do

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feels super awesome. And then follow that feeling. And notice

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how your life can change. At the same time, I want to say if we

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always follow the feel good path, the path of least

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resistance, it is not necessarily going to get us

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where we want to end up because we're little animals, creatures

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of habits. And we're sometimes very lazy and sometimes very

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indulgent, and just want to have the candy and the couch and the

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Netflix. And that feels awfully good. But it's not going to get

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you anywhere. Sometimes, you will have to step into

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discomfort in order to live a life true to yourself. And this

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is also where coaching can step in and help you see what is the

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discomfort that is good for you that you're meant to embrace.

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And what is the discomfort you're meant to avoid and clear

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out of your life. But you seem to be clear with yourself to

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know what you need and want in order to live a life. Very

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authentic to your self. You need to start with you. And going

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back to men's mental health and International Men's Day. We need

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to embrace our feminine side and our masculine side. We We have

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to make peace with the men in our life, with the caregivers,

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with the people that we look up to the people we look up to

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sorry. In order to move on, we have to let go of resentment, we

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have to embrace healing and uncomfortable conversations. If

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we want to move on in society and become stronger, as an

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individual, but also, as a community, you have both inside

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of you. And if you learn to embrace your masculine side and

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your feminine side, you're very driven side, assertive side, but

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also your loving, nurturing side, your protective side, when

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you reconnect these both energies inside of you again,

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then you will be able to make peace with the people around

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you, you will be more forgiving, more loving. But until then we

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have to look at ourselves. And we cannot point the fingers to

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other people who are not ready yet to do the healing. But we

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can notice in our own behavior and our thought patterns, where

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we are at what triggers you, when I say, I want to see men

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being praised, I want to see men being acknowledged, I want to

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see men being put on a pedestal for a little bit, if it's just

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one day, and to see all the good that they're doing in this

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world. And the others are gonna fade away the other people that

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are in leadership positions right now, and not good doing a

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good job. We're just not getting to give them any more attention.

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But we're going to put the attention on the men that are

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hard driven, that are that did the work of healing. And that

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are very good role models there for future generations. All

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right, I hope this was not too messy. I feel I was all over the

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place today. But this message comes from the heart, from a

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deep desire to bring healing to this world to bring comfort and

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purpose and love. I'm always grateful to receive feedback if

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you resonate with what I say here or if it helps you, please

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leave a review or rating a five star rating as always awesome.

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And share this episode with people that you care about. All

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right, and I'll leave you with that next