Keeping Coaching Sessions on Track: Handling Clients Who Talk Too Much.

SUMMARY

John & Angie discuss a common coaching challenge: clients or prospects who dominate calls, talk over the coach, and leave no space for productive coaching. They argue that effective coaches must stay in the “driver’s seat” or “pace car,” setting expectations up front that interruptions may occur to prevent unproductive rambling or to pause to address important nuances. They share tactics such as politely interrupting, redirecting, summarising what was said, asking clients to nutshell the point, and helping clients choose the most impactful focus for the session. They emphasise balancing empathy and respect with maintaining control, avoiding laziness or over-talking as a coach, and finishing on time to avoid creating expectations of overruns. When breakthroughs occur near the end, they suggest acknowledging them and carrying the topic into the next session with preparation tasks.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Coaching Call Problem

01:54 Control the Conversation

03:15 Be the Pace Car

05:55 Polite Interruptions

08:26 Preframe Expectations

11:05 Teach Clarity Fast

12:36 Summarise and Refocus

17:20 End on Time

21:25 Wrap Up and Next Time

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2023 Present Influence Productions Coaching Clinic: scale your business, acquire high ticket clients & master coaching skills 87

John,

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John: And G.

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Angie: interesting conversation

we were having this morning.

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We actually chuckled, right.

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We were talking about, how we're

showing up and what's happening

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in our actual coaching sessions,

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John: Yes.

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Angie: and we did say some potty things.

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John: Some, some, some stuff is not

suitable for broadcast, but, but, we

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were talking about one particular issue

of, but sometimes we get people on calls

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and sometimes it's prospecting calls.

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Sometimes, well, for me, sometimes

it's podcast guests, sometimes it's

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clients, coaching clients who don't

really know when to stop talking,

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who maybe to talk a little too much.

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They don't to leave gaps in the

conversation for you to join in.

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And when you do try and join in, they

talk over you and you don't really get

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an opportunity to say anything else.

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A bit what I'm doing right now, right?

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Angie: Oh, great illustration.

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I was sitting here shut

up, Angie, shut up Angie.

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Let him finish.

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I think there's so many You

don't think it's a thing.

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It's not.

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I, I think when you're a new coach,

you don't really think about.

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That as a potential roadblock

to the success of a client.

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And when you're actually doing, when

you're in a coaching situation where you

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are new, I'm not even sure that, that

a, a, a newer coach would be able to.

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Identify that that is problematic, right?

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They might say, oh, well, and I

had this once before while I was

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training, training coaches, that

they were well, I need to don't I?

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Isn't it the right thing for me to do

to allow them to get out how they feel

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and tell me what's going on with them?

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Right?

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There's, I think, a belief in that.

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John: Well look, this is one of the

many things that sales training taught

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me and helped me in with coaching that

I think is important to understand

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that on a sales call, if you, if you

are not the person in control of the

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conversation, the other person is, and

you are not leading the conversation.

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So if you are not the person who's

asking Quest, asking the questions.

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If the other person's dominating the

conversation, you have already lost.

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You've, to some degree, you

some degree, you've lost status,

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you've lost respect, you've lost

power on authority on the call.

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That's just as true in your

coaching calls as well.

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If you can't keep your clients

in check, if you can't bring them

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into being able to manage the calls

respectfully, because it is a, it is

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a little disrespectful to be honest.

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If they don't give you a chance

to, to talk, but it is also

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a control and power thing.

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And sometimes when people are doing that,

they're asserting themselves, sometimes

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they're overexcited, whatever the reasons

are, they do need to be addressed.

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And if, if you don't, first of all

your, your coaching is gonna be

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ineffective, or you'll get to the end

of a coaching call and be well, you

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haven't, haven't got time to coach you

because you've just spoken for 30, 30 odd

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Angie: okay, but let's back up a minute.

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Think about what you're saying.

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There's a lot there to unpack.

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Think about that.

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You are, the first thing out of the gate

is you in, as a coach, you need to posture

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yourself that you are the PACE car.

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You're not the authority.

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I don't love that word,

but you are the pace car.

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You are the person that, and

anybody who doesn't know what a

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PACE car is, it's a racing thing.

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you're.

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Look it up, but you're the person who's

really going to control the energy,

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within this session that you're in.

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Always.

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You need to always, let's sit it this way.

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You need to remain in the driver's seat,

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And when, when somebody, and

listen, sometimes, sometimes

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clients definitely come in and

say, Ugh, Angie, I, I've had a day.

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Can I, can I download?

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And I'm sure.

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But I will still.

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Still interrupt them when

it becomes unproductive.

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Right?

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When I recognize that there is

no outcome to this, that it's,

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it's just, it's, it goes beyond.

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The initial venting and just

it starts out with their boss

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and ends up with world hunger.

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And I'm wait, wait, wait.

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What's the real issue here?

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So you really have to begin to, to, as a

coach, and I don't care how long you've

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been a coach, because I think that some

coaches I have experienced, I'm just

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saying they've been around a long time.

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And they get a little lazy just saying

sometimes, just check yourself people.

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Are you sometimes getting lazy and

letting the client run the show

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because you're tired that day and you

don't really feel working that hard?

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You don't feel diving

in and doing the work.

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It is not a conversation, right?

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It is a coaching session, so.

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There's a lot of ways to, to really

look at this, but I think right out of

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the gate is the mindset as a new coach

and an experienced coach is that you

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are always the driver of that session.

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John: I think there are times in

coaching where you definitely want

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to set things up to be able to give

somebody time to express themselves

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without, without interruption.

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Angie: Sure.

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John: I, so I sometimes talk to, I

sometimes talk, maybe, I can't remember

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if it's in our sessions or not, but

about, the book by Nancy Klein of Time

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to Think is she's specifically talking

about, creating, creating environments

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where people, this isn't about people

talking too much, this is more people who.

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Need a bit of space to figure things

out and and, and talk things up and

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open up that you want to make sure that

they can do that, that you might need

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to leave some long silence and stuff

and create the, hold the space, create

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the environment for them to do that.

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This is a little different.

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and I, and I do think there

is that thing of, we have been

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somewhat conditioned to think that

interacting people is a little rude.

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So we, we don't, so we don't do it.

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Angie: I'm sorry.

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Did I interrupt you?

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Sorry.

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John: It, but it's not really, or

at least it doesn't have to be.

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I think there are ways of doing

this, and I think it's even okay.

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I've, I've discovered it's

actually fine with clients.

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Say, can I interrupt

you there for a moment?

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Because it, it's a nice way, it's

kind of almost a nice way of saying,

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all right, this is going on a bit.

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I need to stop here because there's

something we need to address

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or, or you say, all right, you

just mentioned something there.

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Can we talk about that?

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before they, before they carry on?

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But you are gonna have to speak up whether

there's a gap or not, and you may have

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to keep talking until they recognize

that you are talking and actually stop.

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It depends on the person.

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Some people get so into saying what

they're saying, that they even forget

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that there is somebody listening to it.

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They just wanna pour it all out.

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But you are the coach in the situation.

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You have to decide, is that appropriate?

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Is that a good use of our time?

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Are we getting somewhere here?

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Do they need this?

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Or should I be interrupting 'em

and say, Hey, look, this may

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not be the best use of our time.

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Or can we come back to something

that I think is really important?

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You redirect.

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Angie: I think that's a really important,

I, one of the, one of the, I guess one

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of the tools that I use when I'm in

sessions is again, always want to hear and

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acknowledge what they have to say, right?

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So I need to talk less than them

in a session, unless I'm doing

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consulting or workshopping.

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That's a little bit different.

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But in a true coaching session,

it's really giving them the space

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and you have to start to understand

you don't know your client number

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one on the very first session.

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So they might be, you said

earlier, full of excitement.

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So they're jabbering and you

kind of let them download, right?

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You're getting used to them a little.

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You don't quite know them at all actually.

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But then if you're in session three

and they're still rambling on, right.

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You realize, okay.

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And I've had people say to me,

oh, and by the way, when you

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coach this person, just be aware.

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They're a talker.

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He or she's a talker.

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And that is important for me to

understand out of the gate so

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I can be on the lookout for it.

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But but so your point is valid, right?

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We have to kind of.

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Be able to interrupt appropriately

and even ask the question Hey

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John, let me ask you this.

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so where are we actually going with this?

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And this is funny, this is why I let

out that big laugh earlier, is when I

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come into a very first session with a

client and I'm doing 10 or 15 minutes

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of housekeeping items in terms of

expectation, I actually tell them, just so

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I will be interrupting you

throughout this process.

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And there's two circumstances

under which I do that.

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Number one, if you're rambling

with no landing in sight, right?

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And I make fun of it 'cause

I don't wanna sound so rigid.

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And, and number two is if you

say something that you gloss over

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and I'll give them an example.

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For example, this, I will

say, wait, wait, wait.

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Can we pause there?

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'cause I, as a coach, I'm trained, I

should be picking up on the small nuances.

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So I, I set that expectation right

out of the gate and I'm actually

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forward enough that if I am, in a

few sessions with somebody and they

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are a bit of a rambler, I'll say.

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So, how impactful do you feel it, what

you're sharing is I try to turn it around

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and then point to it so they become aware

because, what we, we generally, I think

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I know more about most of my clients than

their spouse or their families, right?

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We are kind of the, they

we are their download.

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This is I can't wait to talk

to Angie or John because I

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need someplace to let this go.

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So we wanna honor that, but really.

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Keep the flow.

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You don't wanna, you don't wanna

assist in their stuckness, right?

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You do not wanna be an accomplice to that,

and I think that's important to recognize.

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It's not just being nice, it's,

you're being paid to do a job, so

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John: We're also, we're also not there

to, to shame them for being who they are.

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That if that's their

nature, that they're not

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Angie: Mm-hmm.

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John: talker.

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but.

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I do think most people can

benefit from being a little

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more direct and to the point.

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And so sometimes that takes a bit of

direction and feedback and, and in all

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honesty, I can say from sessions I've

had with people where I've done that and

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I, I honestly do it in a very nice, nice

way, you'll say, this isn't something

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you want to be mean about with people

is it can be very sensitive for people.

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It, it not, not that you need to

walk on eggshells or anything.

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Just be nice, be kind to

your clients with this.

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'cause they're not, they're not

actually doing anything bad or wrong.

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It is just not the most helpful behavior.

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Angie: a coach though, right?

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You don't have to say to them,

wow, you're really talking a lot.

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I might say something this, Hey John,

let me ask you is there a way to be, and,

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and maybe in the future once I identify,

I might say, so tell me about this.

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in a really crisp, concise.

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It's really introducing the habit

of shortening and not just rambling

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without saying it to them, shifting

the habit through question and, and

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what, how do we change, a perspective

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by, by asking a question.

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John: One of our goals as coaches

is leading people to clarity.

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And we can't do that if they, if they're

losing clarity in, in their conversation.

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And, and so we can help them get clearer.

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And, and so I will say,

I will say, alright.

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How relevant is that to what

we're talking about here?

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Or, is, is, yeah.

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Is, is this, is this really

what's most important here?

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What's, what's the real point?

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Can we, can we nutshell this?

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if you had to say it as, as.

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sum it up as quickly as possible.

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How would you say that?

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Not that I want them to

rush through the session.

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I'm not aiming to be necessarily done

in 10 minutes or anything, but I, but

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I do want them to get a bit better at

getting to the point, because if they're

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doing it on coaching calls, they're

probably doing it in other places as well.

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that it was, it's not a hundred

percent true how you do anything.

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Being how you do everything is,

is a reasonable, it's a reasonable

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generalization, that they're

probably doing that in other

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parts of their life as well.

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In work situations, if they're

not being direct, if they're not

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being clear in their communication,

that's having an impact.

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So, so I see it as doing them a big favor.

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If I can help my clients to become

a little clearer, a bit more direct

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and to the point on things, it

doesn't have to be just bullet or our

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conversations become bullet points.

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That's not, that's not what I'm

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Angie: so, yeah, but here's the thing,

and this is a de, this is definitely

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another tool that I've used when

somebody, and I even have to do it

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with myself sometimes you and I do it.

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And we're having conversations.

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We're human too.

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But I will say, so wait, John, I'm

using John as my, my person today.

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He's my crash test dummy.

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But I'll be John, let me wait,

let me pause you for a minute.

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So you shared this, this,

this, and this and, right.

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Am I correct?

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these are the things that are coming

up because sometimes when somebody's

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downloading, they're not even really

paying attention to what they're saying.

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Which to your point, John, they lose

track of what really is going on?

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And, and I'll say back to

them what I'm observing.

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So you've shared this, this, and this.

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Which of those is really for today?

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What is the most impactful, or

what is the biggest challenge?

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Which of those do you

really wanna focus on?

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I will bring them right to that point,

and just in doing that, if I continue

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to do that throughout our sessions, I'm

teaching them to do that for themselves.

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And they come in, they'll come in

within a couple of sessions and say,

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okay, Angie, I, I got the hints and I

wasn't hinting I was doing right without

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saying, this is what we're going to do.

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Wait, so you said this, this, and

this, and maybe this and this and this.

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That's a lot.

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What's the focus Before we throw ourselves

into the weeds, what really is the most

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important or the biggest priority, or

I might say which, if we attacked one

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of these today, if we brought something

to, to the surface today, which of

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these would have the greatest impact?

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So it's never mean, it's just kind of

Bringing them to that point of, oh yeah.

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That's a lot, isn't it?

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You're helping them observe without

telling them what to observe,

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John: I, I what you

said about pre-framing.

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I'm very big on that.

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I think the more we can get agreement

upfront, and permission, before,

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sometimes we do need to, Get permission

from and say, this is how I coach.

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This is how we're gonna run things.

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Is that all good with you?

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It's not gonna come as a surprise to them.

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They might not remember that the

whole time through, but when it

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happens, they'll be all right.

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Yeah.

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I, I, I, I did agree to this, but

as, as a coach, is that one, one of

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the reasons I think, I, I experienced

this as a coach, maybe you did as

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well, I don't know, but early on, one

of the reasons why my sessions would

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always overrun was because I would

let clients talk too much and that.

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I, I made the mistake of thinking

that was the client's fault.

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It wasn't, it was mine.

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I wasn't in control

enough on my own sessions.

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so even sometimes it's saying okay,

we will have to finish more or

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less on time today 'cause I've got

another session straight after this,

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or I have to run out and do that.

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Even if you haven't, sometimes it's good

to say that with clients who, have that

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tendency because you are already sowing

the seeds of let's keep this tight today.

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'cause we're gonna be finishing

on time, more or less.

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but as best you can, your, your role

there is to get, get through what

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you're there to get through in that day.

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I'm not saying everything

needs to be tied up.

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Bo coaching sessions don't

always go that way, but.

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But to at least feel that you've

had a valuable session by the end

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of the session rather than that

you are trying to squeeze in.

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Know you are at time and you're trying

to squeeze in a couple of minutes

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coaching 'cause you couldn't get them

to stop talking for the whole time.

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Angie: Or there's coaches

that don't stop talking.

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I'm gonna, this is a

whole different session.

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I'm sorry, recording.

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Right.

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John: yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think it's a

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Angie: we, there are definitely coaches

who just get on and wanna talk about

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their own ex, and I'm not saying that

we don't share, but I, I don't wanna

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go there today and derail us, but

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Coaches do a lot of the talking too.

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And if you are naturally a people person

chatty and not shy, it can be very easy

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for your clients to bring you over to the

dark side of overly communicating, right?

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It's very easy.

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I am that person and I think when I

think back to my earliest coaching

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or mentoring training sessions.

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I think I had that because I felt, not

because I thought I was so important, but

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because I thought I have so much to share

with them, I must share my knowledge.

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Right.

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That's, and I think that's a

little trap that we could get into.

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We can talk about that another time, but

don't be part of the problem coaches.

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Right.

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Definitely.

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'cause some, listen, some coaches are

purely coaching, which we've talked about.

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Some through definitely, maybe

in a more corporate environment,

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throw in some, consulting as well.

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Maybe sharing, Hey, I had this

experience, do you mind if I share it?

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Always asking for permission and instead

of it being a two minute overview, it's 10

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minutes of, let me tell you what happened.

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And I'm thinking, go get a coach.

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You need a coach, go get a coach.

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or a therapist.

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But it's just we going back

to if I'm driving this car.

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I'm trying to get to a

destination, even if it's unknown.

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And how do I get there?

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And this is the other thing to

your, I just wanna back up and I

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don't wanna forget this, but running

over so many times in a session

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it takes, my sessions are an hour.

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So many times we'll talk through things

and then all of a sudden in the last

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five minutes, something breaks through.

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It is very tough as a coach to

want to say, okay, now we've

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gotten that conversation time's up.

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So John, let me ask you this.

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I know you've had it 'cause you

just gave me the nod and we've

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talked about this a little bit

ourselves, but how do you manage that?

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Stay on time, honor the client and

not minimize this great thing that

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just they said or re re realized.

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John: Yeah.

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So I would, I would say, and do say,

because I, I, I think even just recent.

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This happened on a call, that I,

I would very much look forward

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to talking with you about this.

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this is a big and important

realization to have.

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It's a shame it's near the end of our

call, but, it's certainly something

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we will start our next call with.

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and I'll get them to book that next

call in if they haven't already

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done that, so that they already know

exactly is already in their head.

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All right.

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We're just linking it through then to the

next time that we're gonna be talking.

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'cause because I think.

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The temptation sometimes could be

to, oh, may, I've got, maybe I've got

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half an hour before my next session.

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We can give them some extra time.

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And

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Angie: yeah.

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John: and I would say, I, I've done it.

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And I would say, don't do

it because it becomes an

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expectation that you have allowed.

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And so it's not that I'm

reasonable that they expect well.

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The next time the sessions they, they

bring something up at the end of the

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session the next time again, and it's

well, the expectation is you're gonna

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stay on because you did it last time.

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And, and even for you,

the expectation is there.

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It's oh, last time I stayed

on when this happened.

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So I guess I, staying consistent.

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I'm, I'm gonna do that again.

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Angie: Yeah.

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I do it a little differently

though, very similar.

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I don't point to the time, I don't know

why it makes me feel, me personally

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feel uncomfortable, but if something

does happen, I will say, what?

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This is I acknowledge whatever's happened

in that moment, and then I say, so

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here, this is what I'd really for you

to do, to creep with this in mind.

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To prepare for our next session because

obviously we need to bring this up

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right away and I give them some time,

and I'm not ancillary, not busy work,

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but something that I want them to do.

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I want you to think more about this.

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This is what I'd you to

do prior to next session.

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Just so that they don't feel they have

this great moment, an epiphany maybe,

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and then it's left until next time.

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Write down this, write down,

and then I go, so, fair enough.

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Great.

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And then I just go into the ending

of the session rather than say, well

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you said, and I don't know if you

say it that way, oh, it's a shame.

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Or at the end I don't, I

personally don't point to that.

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It doesn't mean my way is the right

way, but I, but I had to learn that

399

because I was that person that,

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If I had

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John: there.

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There are

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Angie: 30 minutes,

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John: there are times when I would say.

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Are you okay if we go

on a few more minutes?

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I think we should deal with this now.

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We'll talk about this

for a few more minutes.

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That does happen.

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But I say this isn't, this isn't something

we normally do in a session, but if

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you're okay to stick around for a few more

minutes, I think maybe we should address

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this Now, doesn't happen that much.

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There's not that many things that come

up that urgent, but it has happened.

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and if you, and if I can

do it, I'm gonna do that.

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I'm not gonna.

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So I'm not these people,

I'm not clock watching.

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I want to try and finish around

time, out of respect to myself,

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respect to them as well.

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It's this is the time we agreed, this

is the time that's been paid for.

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but it's not the case of, all

right, well, no, the, the alarm

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goes and, alright, you're done.

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See you next time.

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com.

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Yeah, so it is okay, we might

go a few minutes either way.

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If we're done sooner,

we might finish sooner.

425

If we, if it's gonna be another minute

or so, let's wrap up the conversation.

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But it shouldn't be much more than that.

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If you are making yourself late for

your next sessions, or you're not

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giving yourself a time to have a rest

break or anything that, it's on you.

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You are the person who has power

in this situation to change it.

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Angie: Right.

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I agree.

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I think this is great, great,

great awareness for the

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John: it's, it's it's a good topic

and it happens to all of us, right?

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It comes up in all, all

of our coaching sessions.

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So yeah, definitely the,

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Angie: you've been a coach, it's

something you will contend with.

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It's, there's no, there's no

ifs, ands, or buts about that.

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John: yeah, I think we'll have

to come back to the coaches, over

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talking on another, on another

session, but that's a good one.

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Andrew, this has been a good one.

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we'll be back again next time

with some more good stuff.

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Angie: I agree.

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Good stuff.

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I.