In this episode, Tammy Vincent welcomes back Elizabeth Kipp for another insightful conversation on the stigma surrounding mental illness and addiction in dysfunctional families. Elizabeth shares her powerful story of growing up with two alcoholic parents, highlighting the silence and denial that defined her childhood. Together, they explore how societal attitudes and fear perpetuate stigma, making it difficult for families to seek help or even acknowledge their struggles.

Tammy and Elizabeth also discuss the staggering statistic that one in four children grows up with an addicted parent, a figure they believe could be even higher. Drawing on insights from Dr. Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal, Elizabeth underscores the widespread impact of addiction and mental health issues on society.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on how labels and derogatory terms, like those used in past generations, contributed to the stigma of mental illness. Elizabeth passionately calls for change, saying, “It’s time to get up on a mountain and scream, stop!”

Bonus: If you missed her first visit, go back and listen to Episode 22, Adult Child of Dysfunction, where Elizabeth shared her foundational experiences growing up in a dysfunctional family and how they shaped her journey.

Resources:

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About Tammy:

Tammy Vincent, a survivor and thriver, has transformed her life from the challenges of being an adult child of two alcoholic parents. With a Masters in Education and addiction and recovery certifications, shes a beacon of hope for others on their paths to transformation. 

As a devoted mother of three grown children and a loving wife, Tammy's personal journey of healing and empowerment has led her to become a certified life coach and NLP practitioner. Her dedication to growth has been illuminated through her best-selling books, two powerful volumes that offer insights, guidance and inspiration to those seeking their own paths to healing.

Tammy’s mission is clear; to guide others out of the darkness and into becoming the best versions of themselves. Her journey, from survivor to certified life coach, NLP practitioner, speaker and author, exemplifies the incredible strength of the human spirit and the possibility of rewriting our stories from a place of empowerment and healing.

Speaker: 00:00:00

Hello again, and welcome back to another

episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

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: 00:00:03

Today, our guest is actually another

return guest, Elizabeth Kipp.

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: 00:00:08

She was back with us way back

in episode, I believe, 22.

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: 00:00:12

But I absolutely adore having her here.

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: 00:00:14

She talks about, she's a stress

management and pain histo okay,

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: 00:00:18

historical trauma specialist, right?

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: 00:00:21

And there was a whole lot to

that, and it was very cool.

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: 00:00:23

But she wrote a book called The

Way Through Chronic Pain, Tools

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: 00:00:26

to Reclaim Your Healing Power.

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: 00:00:29

And she does a conglomerate of things.

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: 00:00:31

She is, she does so many different

things, but I want to just

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: 00:00:35

welcome her back and let her tell

you a little bit about herself.

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: 00:00:38

But again, if you want to hear more,

go back to episode 22, and you can

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: 00:00:41

hear even more about Elizabeth.

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: 00:00:43

But welcome, Elizabeth.

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: 00:00:45

Oh, thank you so much, Tim.

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: 00:00:46

It's great to see you again.

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: 00:00:47

It's great to be on again.

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: 00:00:49

Really appreciate the platform,

the topic dysfunctional families.

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: 00:00:54

And this, today, talking about stigma

around mental illness I don't know what it

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: 00:01:00

was like for you, but for me, I grew up in

a dysfunctional family, and our method of

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: 00:01:07

coping was to deny our experience, right?

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: 00:01:11

Yep.

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: 00:01:11

Deny and avoid.

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: 00:01:12

Deny and avoid.

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: 00:01:13

It never happened.

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: 00:01:14

We're not talking about that, and

that's difficult as a child to navigate.

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: 00:01:20

You know why?

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: 00:01:21

Because I began to question my own senses.

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: 00:01:24

Did that happen?

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: 00:01:25

They're denying it happened.

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: 00:01:26

And that's a a different form

of gaslighting, would you say?

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: 00:01:31

Just it's not like they're telling you

that you're not, you didn't see that.

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: 00:01:34

They're just not accepting what

they just experienced, right?

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: 00:01:39

Exactly.

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: 00:01:40

I tell the story about when

my mom dropped her pants.

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: 00:01:42

She got stung by a bee, dropped

her pants in a bog field in front

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: 00:01:46

of 150 people and was so drunk and

just the mouth coming out of her.

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: 00:01:51

And I'm like seven years old, whatever it

was, first grade, six, seven years old.

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And I was humiliated and ashamed

to be like, that's where my shame

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: 00:01:59

started at six years old where.

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: 00:02:01

I wouldn't go to a birthday party.

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: 00:02:03

I wouldn't go anywhere for fear that

somebody that was at that ball field would

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recognize me and put me together with her.

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: 00:02:10

But literally we got in the car,

it was never even mentioned.

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: 00:02:13

No one said anything.

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: 00:02:15

And it's but it literally threw

me into three years until we moved

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: 00:02:21

that what, what just happened?

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: 00:02:22

Like I had no idea, but boy, it,

Instantly, that was like instant shame.

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Instant.

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: 00:02:28

And it carried me through a lot.

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: 00:02:30

But yeah, we don't, we

didn't talk about it.

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: 00:02:32

And also there was the other part of,

the comments from my parents don't

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ever talk about how things are at home.

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Don't ever talk.

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It's not important.

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Nobody wants to hear your sad stories.

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Nobody this, nobody that.

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So you do.

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You start to question,

one, am I the only one?

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Or two what is this?

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What the hell is this?

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Is this, my imagination?

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Is it even real?

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That kind of thing.

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Also, in my case I was,

I felt very pulled.

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Between two places.

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One, being loyal to my family.

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So not saying anything.

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And then what do I do

about taking care of me?

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And of course, the loyalty won every time.

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Because, that's what we do.

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We as, This is something that I learned,

I'm not a psychology major, but I did

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have some courses in psychology when I

went to college, but lately I've gotten

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into trauma work, and we're so wired

to attach to our primary caretaker,

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whoever our primary caretakers are.

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That we would rather attach in a

dysfunctional, and we might have

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talked about this, in a dysfunctional

way than and not be, lose track of

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our authentic self, than not attach.

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Like it's that strong.

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So now we have a crisis of consciousness,

and now we're ashamed because, Oh, I'm

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supposed to be loyal to my family, so

I'll put myself in second position.

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And it happens from fear, like you

said, fear, but it happens from

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also your brain is, that's natural.

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Your brain is, that's why kids

internalize and that's why they

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lose that sense of self because

no way is a five year old going to

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think that their parents are wrong.

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They didn't, they depend

on them a hundred percent.

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So it turns around and

it's, it must be me.

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And that's how they lose, that's

the very beginning of that sense

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of self where it can't be them.

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It has to be me because you

depend on them for survival.

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So yeah, you're never going

to turn on your parents,

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especially when they're little.

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When you're little, ever.

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Yes, and so now that becomes a pattern.

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So now the brain has wiring, remember

they learned years ago that neurons

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that wire together fire together.

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And the more they've, the more we

access that program, that, that habit,

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the faster the stronger the connection

is and the faster it is to fire.

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So now we have something

that's got it's got momentum.

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It's got strength.

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It's got momentum.

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It's got it's got this reference

point that, that's our default now.

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So the work when we're trying

to, and of course this turns in,

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this is the root of addiction.

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This is unresolved trauma and

really if you listen to Dr.

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Gabor Maté and other trauma

specialists these days, they'll say.

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That quote unquote mental illness is

really us trying to keep ourselves safe.

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There are all trauma responses.

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There are strategies to keep us safe

in, in, in this space where we've

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lost track of our authentic self.

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We don't know how to show up.

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We're so twisted in on ourselves

that we, that we have this

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quote unquote aberrant behavior.

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But Dr.

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Amate's latest book, the myth

of normal, what is normal.

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I have not read that one, but

it's actually, I bought it.

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: 00:06:08

I have it sitting in my

stack of 400 books to read.

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It's a huge book but the thumbnail

there, one, one of the little bits

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is how are you going to be normal

in a society that's not, right?

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We look at all the, we look at all

the difficulty everybody's having in

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our current kind of Western society.

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Yeah, and I look at it and I think that's

what triggered me to do this thing about

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the stigma because that's my big Thing

like I want to get up on top of a mountain

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and just scream stop there should be no

they don't call it cancer anonymous They

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don't call it like it just drives me

crazy that there's still so much stigma

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behind so many different things you

know and It just makes me irritate like

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it's one of my just it's like Taking a

pencil in my side like all the time like

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it's just because but I love that you

of when we first talked today That you

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approached that and you said I want to

talk about it from the angle of it's Fear.

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So talk about that.

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Sure.

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One of the things that we just from a,

we look, we can go way down into the

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weeds or we can look at the greater

landscape from afar and we can look

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at it and say, it's us versus them.

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And so now we're suffering

from the wound of separation.

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So you can look at it, bring that

angle in, and then, you can, for

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me, I grew up in a household where,

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even though it was dysfunctional my

mom had a bipolar disorder and used

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alcohol to deal with her crying.

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So that was a really untreated

bipolar, they didn't even

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know what it was back then.

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I was gonna say, my mom too, like you,

you knew, like looking at the diagnosis

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now you knew what it was, but those

words, and she was a child psychiatrist

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and she never said those words.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So the, what I heard in

my household as a kid was.

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anybody that shows any sign

of mental illness is going to

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end up in the insane asylum.

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I didn't have a name.

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That's what that was.

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Yeah, that was it.

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They had this crass name for it.

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So right away, there's judgment, stigma.

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They're those people, not us.

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There's this all this not taking

ownership in humanity, in our flaws.

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Of course, there was no, again,

the denial, any time, any, of

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course, the kids, my brother

and I, we got in all kinds of

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trouble for our imperfections, but

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when their imperfections showed up,

that all got pushed under the rug.

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So that's a very chaotic environment to

grow up in but underneath all of that.

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is fear from misunderstanding,

non understanding.

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Oh, that must be terrible.

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I don't I, and we don't have any, maybe

we don't have any control over it.

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And interestingly enough, they

stayed in that position rather

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than go learn more about it.

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Isn't that interesting?

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I'd rather stay in my entrenched

judgmental, they're wrong.

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I'm afraid of that.

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I have no control.

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I don't feel like I have any control.

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I'm powerless over that.

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So I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna put

it over there, push it away from me.

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That's not a recipe for healing.

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No.

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And it's not, it's just, in this

world, like you said, I talked

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to my clients and when they say

I didn't want to say anything.

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And I'm like, you don't think when you're

in a room of 26 people, That probably

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22 of them are suffering some from some

kind of mental health issue, at least 25

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percent haven't have an addicted parent.

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There's you just couple all of

the other things and the rate

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of, just everything right now.

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I'm like, you're not alone.

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It is now the, like you

said, what is normal.

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I, it's completely flipped, if I had this

completely healthy, well adjusted, normal

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growing up, I feel like I would be such

the minority, it would be unbelievable.

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Yeah, I get really alarmed.

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at the suicide rate in the

teen, teens these days.

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That, that's been, I've, and

I've been watching that go up

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and it's been, it's alarming.

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It wasn't like that when I, there

were, there was the occasional suicide

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that we'd hear about, but, and I

have certain, I've had that in my own

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family, but not in the teenage years.

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It was usually, young adult

to mid adult to later thing.

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And I'm not saying

they're, it's all a mess.

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: 00:10:52

It's all.

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A problem, but yeah, I heard a statistic

that's distressing to me and it makes me

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feel like there's more than 25 percent of

us that have an addictive parent I think

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addiction is a much bigger issue than 25

that's just basically have at least one

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addicted parent and that was one in four.

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That's the big number that they're

using right now for adult children of

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alcoholics acoa and All those programs,

they basically say one in four.

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I agree because I was, I had two

alcoholic parents, but didn't,

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nobody knew until my mom died.

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So that was, she wasn't a

statistic until she passed.

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: 00:11:33

You know what I mean?

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: 00:11:34

Nobody said my dad was an alcoholic until

he was in the hospital for kid cancer

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and that he had to have an organ removed.

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And I literally was like, The withdrawal

will kill him like you don't understand

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: 00:11:47

and then they were like, oh, okay We

have to you know We have to factor that

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: 00:11:51

in now to like we can't just cut him

off cold turkey because it will kill him

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: 00:11:56

and so that's right there no statistic

right here And that's three three kids

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: 00:12:00

out there with two alcoholic parents

and no, not in the numbers So I agree

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: 00:12:04

the numbers are way more staggering.

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: 00:12:08

I just wonder, what is it

going to take for us to

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: 00:12:14

really have a better understanding

of what's happening with just being

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more interested in the education.

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: 00:12:25

It just doesn't seem like there's Like I

didn't learn about any of that in school.

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: 00:12:31

It was all in hushed tones.

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: 00:12:33

Oh, she's like that, or

so and so had this thing.

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And like in my time in high school,

like I can remember one of my, there

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: 00:12:42

was like acid and LSD and all that

kind of stuff was around at that time.

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: 00:12:48

And and I can remember coming to

school one day and one of our students

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wasn't there and there was this.

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: 00:12:55

And the teachers didn't say, this is

how much in the shadows they put it.

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The teachers didn't say anything.

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It was this rumor with the kids.

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: 00:13:03

Oh, she didn't come to school

because she had a bad trip.

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And now she's in a, she's in a

mental facility and that was it.

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And there's fear and there's not owning.

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Not educating, like the teachers,

for instance, just as an example

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of how different it can be.

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: 00:13:23

We had a situation here in Lawrence

maybe a year ago, year and a half,

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: 00:13:29

two years, a little while back.

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: 00:13:32

Where a a student was shot by her father

and then father committed suicide.

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: 00:13:38

So it was this double murder, suicide.

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: 00:13:41

It was, yeah.

240

: 00:13:42

And nobody was there to witness this.

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: 00:13:44

So that was an assumption, by the way.

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: 00:13:45

All of that was an assumption.

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: 00:13:46

Who knows what happened?

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: 00:13:47

I don't know.

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: 00:13:48

I wasn't there, but that's the story.

246

: 00:13:50

But what happened was, this

was a 13 year old girl.

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: 00:13:54

What happened was the teachers.

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: 00:13:57

gathered around the

students and supported them.

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: 00:14:01

There wasn't any, we're not

going to talk about that.

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: 00:14:03

There wasn't any of that.

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: 00:14:04

And then they took, they let the kids take

off classes for, I don't know, the rest

252

: 00:14:09

of the week, whatever it was, so that they

could actually process what had happened.

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The whole community was just I'm

still like I'm still got echoes of

254

: 00:14:19

the fallout from that because it was

so shocking and I'm, and I knew them.

255

: 00:14:24

So it's just, yeah so

that's the difference.

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: 00:14:27

Oh, we're not going to talk about that.

257

: 00:14:29

And we're going to let the rumors fly,

or we're going to embrace these children

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: 00:14:34

and we're going to help them process this

and we're going to process it with them.

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: 00:14:38

And also we're going to understand that.

260

: 00:14:40

All children, especially based on what

they're hearing at home, are not going to

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: 00:14:45

process it the same, and that's a big key

too, because some of these, we had, I had

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: 00:14:50

a, I knew someone very close to me that

committed suicide when I was in school,

263

: 00:14:55

and I went home, and there was no, oh

my gosh, do you need to talk about it?

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: 00:15:02

It was like, just be glad it wasn't you.

265

: 00:15:04

Like you see how much you can you complain

so much about your life could be worse

266

: 00:15:09

right buttercup like that was Yeah,

so it wasn't so that you know It takes

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: 00:15:16

everybody and I I look at it this big

picture even if we don't Understand it

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: 00:15:22

or even if we don't Like we're afraid

to tackle it because there is fear You

269

: 00:15:26

don't know how to deal with some things

and it's ignorance and not an ignorant

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: 00:15:30

being in a bad way But just ignorance

meaning lack of knowledge Yeah, it's

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: 00:15:35

understanding but if we could just get

people to be more Compassionate like

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: 00:15:41

overall and just go okay, you know It's

like I tell people stop saying what's

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: 00:15:46

wrong with you and ask people what's

going on with you that one turn You

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: 00:15:51

Whether it's a friend, a family, that

one turn, if everybody just thought okay,

275

: 00:15:56

they're not in a bad mood because they're

bad people, but they're in a bad mood

276

: 00:16:00

because something's happening to them,

that one turn could shift everything, but

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: 00:16:05

you need enough people yelling it too.

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: 00:16:07

You need enough people in the

corporations teaching compassionate

279

: 00:16:10

leadership or trauma informed leadership.

280

: 00:16:13

And stop, we're walking around

like everybody is starting to

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walk on eggshells, not just the

people that are being harmed.

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: 00:16:22

Exactly.

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: 00:16:23

Yeah, I work as a betrayal

recovery coach on Dr.

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Debbie Silver's platform, the

PBT Institute, which is all

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: 00:16:30

dedicated to helping people

recover from betrayal experience.

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: 00:16:35

She's done a PhD on it.

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: 00:16:36

There's a whole process that she uses.

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It's a, it's very interesting, very

powerful, but what's interesting is

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We take our stuff into the workplace.

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: 00:16:47

And we pick up stuff on the

workplace and we take it home.

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: 00:16:52

So it's working both ways.

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: 00:16:53

And one of the things that she's

been, working on for a couple years

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is bringing in her work on Betrayal

into corporate as a platform.

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: 00:17:04

as a piece of their mental illness or

mental, whatever you want to call it,

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: 00:17:09

mental wellness is what I would call it.

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: 00:17:11

Mental wellness programming.

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: 00:17:13

But you know what?

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: 00:17:14

That's sitting right at

the edge of the paradigm.

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: 00:17:19

There are not many corporations

that are, jumping on that bandwagon,

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: 00:17:22

so Elizabeth, what do you think

it's going to take for us to get the

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: 00:17:25

focus on back on erasing the stigma?

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: 00:17:30

I was, I'm thinking that because.

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: 00:17:35

mental illness.

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Look at Gabor's work

on the myth of normal.

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: 00:17:41

That's got all the

stats and studies in it.

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It's affecting the bottom line.

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: 00:17:47

So I get really nuts and boltsy

here instead of focusing on

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compassion, I focus on the bottom

line and look at how it's changing

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the productivity in the workplace.

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: 00:17:59

And so now we're like, oh, okay If

that's, if people's behaviors are

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: 00:18:04

affecting the bottom line, maybe we

better do something to to look at that.

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: 00:18:09

So mental wellness in corporate would

be, like a no brainer to me for my end.

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: 00:18:15

It just of course that we would, we

need to do that, but that would also

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: 00:18:20

be by the way, a, that would add an

element of compassion into the workplace.

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: 00:18:30

Yeah, which ultimately just from

an economic point of view, I'm

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: 00:18:34

just looking at that would also

positively affect the bottom line.

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: 00:18:39

I'm just, and not to say that it makes

everybody else feel better and function

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: 00:18:43

better and all that kind of stuff,

but you would think I would think.

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: 00:18:47

That, that that corporate

will be jumping right on this.

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: 00:18:50

Now, you do see places like meditation

rooms and ho and airports, which

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: 00:18:55

blew me away the first one I saw.

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: 00:18:57

It's wow, this is great,

what's happening here, right?

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: 00:19:01

But I think we can do more.

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: 00:19:03

Or like Lockheed Martin has, they come

in every once in a while and they do

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: 00:19:07

chair massages for their employees.

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: 00:19:11

And it's okay, that's a good start, but

definitely, but it's just, but again,

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: 00:19:16

it's just, we, I just did a talk and

I don't remember who I even did it

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: 00:19:20

for, but it was called trauma informed

leadership in a trauma reactive world.

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: 00:19:24

And that's literally, like you

said, dysfunction is the norm.

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: 00:19:27

We've got all of this subconscious

programming and we're a

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: 00:19:31

reactive society right now.

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: 00:19:34

So if people understood that.

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: 00:19:36

And like I said, that one question,

not what's wrong with you, because that

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: 00:19:41

immediately puts people on the defensive.

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: 00:19:43

Yeah, immediately.

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: 00:19:45

What's wrong with you, dude?

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: 00:19:46

I wouldn't want to walk in somewhere.

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: 00:19:48

And if I happen, what if I had a

toothache and I looked a little sad

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: 00:19:51

and someone's what's wrong with you?

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: 00:19:53

Like immediately your head

starts making up these stories.

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: 00:19:57

Yeah.

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: 00:19:57

It's your thoughts come

before your emotions.

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: 00:20:01

So it's We need to learn to stop it at

the thought and rethink and it's also,

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: 00:20:08

I would push back on that a little bit.

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: 00:20:10

I would say, just in

terms of nervous system,

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: 00:20:17

that when when someone says

what's wrong with you, the nervous

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: 00:20:23

system immediately disconnects.

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: 00:20:26

Why?

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: 00:20:26

Because it feels threatened.

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: 00:20:28

It's not safe.

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: 00:20:30

And so now we're back to fear.

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: 00:20:33

What do we have to do in our communication

with one another to co regulate and keep

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: 00:20:40

that connection because as soon as we are

in defense, we can't, the nervous system

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: 00:20:45

really can't connect and defend at the

same time, it's not really made for that.

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: 00:20:49

It's it does rest and

digest or it does activity.

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: 00:20:53

But we can't sleep and run at the

same, it doesn't work like that.

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: 00:20:56

So it's like the same thing with this

we're defended and we're not connected,

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: 00:21:01

or we can connect or we can defend.

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: 00:21:03

We can't do both.

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: 00:21:04

So what is it going to take for us to

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: 00:21:09

learn better communication

skills so that we're not having

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: 00:21:14

this attack thing happening?

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: 00:21:16

And it's happening at a very.

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: 00:21:19

Fundamental level where we're not

stimulating people's fear centers

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: 00:21:22

all the time, which is, the corporate

environment is pretty much fear based.

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: 00:21:26

So I'm just saying, if we wanted to

try and I'd have to, obviously I'd

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: 00:21:31

have to come up with numbers and stuff,

but if we wanted to try and convince

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: 00:21:37

corporate, which is looking at the bigger

picture in terms of larger groups of

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: 00:21:43

people that it's in their best interest

to, to bring in mental wellness.

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: 00:21:48

It's something that that they have

to understand fundamentally that it

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: 00:21:53

actually is part of their bottom line.

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: 00:21:55

The wellness universe is another place

where I'm a member, it's a place with

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: 00:21:59

a lot of wellness practitioners and

they're also looking at a corporate

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: 00:22:03

program, corporate wellness.

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: 00:22:05

And I think it goes, and I think

it's like a two fold thing because

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: 00:22:08

I deal with a lot of people that

are working to get into the schools.

377

: 00:22:12

And I think that's huge too because

emotional intelligence and kids being

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: 00:22:16

able to express their own emotions and

everything else it's give these kids a

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: 00:22:19

little bit of a jump start so that if they

are the Three out of four now one out of

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: 00:22:24

whatever it is, whatever the statistics

are They're obviously almost impossible to

381

: 00:22:28

measure those statistics as far as who's

growing up Not having their needs met.

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: 00:22:35

Let's just put it that way Those

people, that's a huge number.

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: 00:22:38

So if you can, go into the schools

and teach teachers or, and children

384

: 00:22:43

alike, a little bit more of emotional

intelligence and how, then, I think we

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: 00:22:48

started talking about that statistic.

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: 00:22:50

I don't know where I read it,

but it literally said that one

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: 00:22:53

of the biggest surveys just

done was 25 percent of children.

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: 00:22:56

This might be the same one that you

heard ages 13, like in the 13 year old

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: 00:23:01

range, 25 percent of them had already

contemplated taking their own life.

390

: 00:23:05

That is staggering.

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: 00:23:07

That is staggering.

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: 00:23:09

And again, you hear someone say that.

393

: 00:23:11

I remember I said that to work at

someone and I said, can you believe 25%?

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: 00:23:16

And they literally were

like, no, no compassion, no

395

: 00:23:21

empathy, no that's ridiculous.

396

: 00:23:23

I remember when I was 13 years

old, in school, had I not had the

397

: 00:23:27

life I had at home, but in school,

the biggest thing was being afraid

398

: 00:23:30

to walk past the smoking lounge.

399

: 00:23:32

Like I was afraid of

the people in leather.

400

: 00:23:35

Again, stigma, but, but that was my

only safe, unsafe place in school

401

: 00:23:39

was being afraid to walk through

that lounge, but now it's wow,

402

: 00:23:44

13, 25% of teenagers of that age.

403

: 00:23:47

It's, yeah that's really pointing to.

404

: 00:23:51

A real fundamental something's

fundamentally wrong, which we know,

405

: 00:23:55

but the question and the thing

that we're addressing here and many

406

: 00:23:58

platforms fortunately are trying to,

is what do we do to move that needle?

407

: 00:24:06

Yeah.

408

: 00:24:06

What do we do to move that needle?

409

: 00:24:08

And your piece about compassion, huge.

410

: 00:24:13

And I'll go ahead.

411

: 00:24:14

Yeah.

412

: 00:24:14

I was just going to say the other

piece of it is this thing around

413

: 00:24:18

historical and collective trauma.

414

: 00:24:20

It's just why I do that work because we

know from science and we you can track

415

: 00:24:26

it energetically as well, not science y,

but energetically wise that unresolved

416

: 00:24:32

trauma travels through families.

417

: 00:24:36

We're carrying stuff.

418

: 00:24:37

We came in carrying unresolved,

the effects of unresolved trauma.

419

: 00:24:42

We're carrying that stuff.

420

: 00:24:45

And we're not even talking about that.

421

: 00:24:47

And yet, we have in the United

States, just as an example,

422

: 00:24:52

we have this racial divide.

423

: 00:24:56

And, but in my lifetime, we've seen parts

of the world, parts of corporate included,

424

: 00:25:04

parts of the culture start to meld.

425

: 00:25:06

And also we're having This also gender

is not so segregated anymore, and

426

: 00:25:14

the way we do that is by bringing

in compassion and this understanding

427

: 00:25:19

and this trauma informed approach to

how do we talk to one another given

428

: 00:25:26

that we're both carrying this stuff.

429

: 00:25:28

And we're both, we both have programs

that we came into this world with

430

: 00:25:35

and then that were further reinforced

by family, by community, by culture,

431

: 00:25:46

and now we can't talk to one another.

432

: 00:25:48

What do we do to bridge that gap?

433

: 00:25:50

And there are people that teach that.

434

: 00:25:52

Yeah.

435

: 00:25:52

That's why when I went into when

I already was, I was already doing

436

: 00:25:56

ancestral work, but I went into historical

trauma specifically and Tom, Thomas

437

: 00:26:01

Huppel's work around collective trauma.

438

: 00:26:02

Amazing.

439

: 00:26:04

So very helpful and bringing

compassion into all of it.

440

: 00:26:07

So understanding when you

walk into a room, what's the

441

: 00:26:11

landscape I'm walking into?

442

: 00:26:14

If we have no idea of what we're

conscious, we're not conscious of what

443

: 00:26:18

we're walking into because we don't

have the education and we don't have the

444

: 00:26:21

awareness within ourselves to feel that.

445

: 00:26:25

We've got some work to do.

446

: 00:26:29

And is it just more people like you

and me, more people, just spreading

447

: 00:26:32

the word, just talking, being too loud.

448

: 00:26:34

I don't.

449

: 00:26:35

care.

450

: 00:26:37

I'm okay.

451

: 00:26:38

I'll be that squeaky wheel.

452

: 00:26:40

They say the squeaky

wheel gets the grease.

453

: 00:26:41

I'll be that person, but

we just need so many more.

454

: 00:26:45

It's not a, it's not.

455

: 00:26:48

Yeah.

456

: 00:26:49

You need an army.

457

: 00:26:50

But that's, that's why you

and I, you have a podcast.

458

: 00:26:54

I go on lots of COD podcasts.

459

: 00:26:56

You go on podcasts.

460

: 00:26:57

We were out there spreading

the word it's a mission.

461

: 00:27:00

And like you said you have this passion.

462

: 00:27:02

This is where I need to be putting

my energy and I have the same passion

463

: 00:27:06

in kind of the sphere that I work in,

which, and we intersect, which is our

464

: 00:27:11

audiences intersect so beautifully.

465

: 00:27:13

Yeah, they really do.

466

: 00:27:14

I love it.

467

: 00:27:15

I could talk to you all day and I you

know It's funny that you had that and I

468

: 00:27:18

we were talking to my I was talking to

someone the other day about this and I

469

: 00:27:21

Was talking about and I don't know much

about the past, the historical trauma and

470

: 00:27:25

stuff I just know what i've read, but I

truly believe that is why being like in a

471

: 00:27:31

recession is so hard on people because I

Didn't live with my great grandparents or

472

: 00:27:36

grandparents when they were going through

the depression You But I know many of them

473

: 00:27:40

were close to starving and that's like

that's one of the one example of that.

474

: 00:27:45

So then all of a sudden we hit this

recession slash and it invokes fear in

475

: 00:27:51

a lot of people and they don't know why.

476

: 00:27:54

Oh, absolutely.

477

: 00:27:55

And when COVID hit and we all, went

inside literally my client, it was

478

: 00:28:00

amazing because I get, I've got

clients from all over the world.

479

: 00:28:03

Of course, that was all over

the world kind of thing.

480

: 00:28:05

And everybody was bringing in.

481

: 00:28:08

The stuff that they were carrying

was around plague, Spanish flu

482

: 00:28:13

things that made us isolated separate

you're, you're bad, all this kind

483

: 00:28:17

of stuff that was all part of the

zeitgeist of the COVID phenomenon.

484

: 00:28:24

Yeah.

485

: 00:28:25

Yeah.

486

: 00:28:25

It's, we're still really reeling in this.

487

: 00:28:28

In this blaming.

488

: 00:28:30

It's them, not me.

489

: 00:28:32

It's, what's wrong with you?

490

: 00:28:33

I'm, that kind of thing where we're

so reactive that we've forgotten that

491

: 00:28:39

we're missing the compassion piece.

492

: 00:28:42

Oh, yeah, we definitely are definitely

Again, we've got you we've got me.

493

: 00:28:47

We've got lots of people out there.

494

: 00:28:48

Just people We just need to make people

more aware That's all we can do just

495

: 00:28:51

do the best we can do and hope that

people listen to us and hope our voice

496

: 00:28:54

finds a place But thank you so much.

497

: 00:28:56

I don't want to keep everybody all day.

498

: 00:28:58

This has been super fun I'm going to

put all of your links But tell people

499

: 00:29:02

that are listening, if they want to

work with you, where do they find you?

500

: 00:29:05

Oh, you can find me at my website,

which is Elizabeth with a hyphen,

501

: 00:29:09

and then kip, K I P dot com.

502

: 00:29:11

You gotta put the hyphen in

there to get me, otherwise you'll

503

: 00:29:14

get the other Elizabeth Kip,

who's amazing, but she's not me.

504

: 00:29:17

And you can find all my social

media there, and lots of free

505

: 00:29:20

resources on the website.

506

: 00:29:21

Thanks.

507

: 00:29:22

Perfect.

508

: 00:29:23

Perfect.

509

: 00:29:23

And before you go, you got to leave the

listeners with one little bit of advice.

510

: 00:29:27

If you could say one words of wisdom or

three words of wisdom, what would they be?

511

: 00:29:31

What would now be a good time?

512

: 00:29:35

That's a good one.

513

: 00:29:37

Perfect.

514

: 00:29:39

Perfect.

515

: 00:29:40

Awesome.

516

: 00:29:40

You guys, again, that was Elizabeth Kipp.

517

: 00:29:43

Look her up.

518

: 00:29:44

She's absolutely amazing.

519

: 00:29:45

And we will keep you posted

on the summit that we're going

520

: 00:29:47

to do that is all around this.

521

: 00:29:49

And You guys have a blessed day and know

that just start using some more compassion

522

: 00:29:54

teach people compassion the people you're

with It will rub off the more you do it.

523

: 00:29:58

The more people around you

will do it Thank you very much,

524

: 00:30:01

and you have a blessed day