Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this heartfelt episode, Tina Garcia and Robb share personal stories about loss, love, and the importance of living authentically. They reflect on celebrating life, maintaining relationships, and embracing change as they navigate life's inevitable farewells.

Explicit

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He was very well taken care of though.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing?

I need to start paying attention to when we start these things, because I'm having a conversation and then you just pop in and... oops.

you

I'm sorry. I hit the num. I hit it and I thought you were, I thought you might've been looking at the screen. It's okay. I think it's funny to start. Your camera's not working yet. It's okay. I'm gonna be out there probably this coming weekend. So, cool.

No, you still can't tell what I'm looking at because my screen's not working, yeah.

Mmm, and I'll have time this weekend. I don't know that I'll be doing a lot of writing

I probably won't supposed to be 90 on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

then I might be at the beach.

all four days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, at least 90 where I'm at. I'm sure it's the same. We generally have the same. Yeah, we generally have the same kind of It's going to be in the high 80s either way, wherever you're at. So you'll probably have that. Even Camarillo is going to be 80. And that's yeah.

Wow.

Really?

Wow. and Sunday is Mother's Day.

She's dead. I don't have worry about it. I hate to be dark and morbid, but don't have to worry about that one anymore.

Yeah, me too.

Mm-hmm.

I know, the family will still get together, which means I'll be doing a lot of work, but whatever.

I have a little talk with my mom on that day, reminder that I'm all right.

Hmm You know, I've gotten to the point where I talk to my mom all the time but It's become now like did you see what I just did? That's freaking funny. Mom. Did you see that? Like I don't I don't have I Don't miss her because I realize how close she is if that makes sense I'm really doing I'm okay without her being around and I'm and I've done the work to be the woman that I need to be while she's not around so

Yeah.

It's kind of a... I'm at a good place with her, thankfully.

Yeah, that's perfect. It's a good place to be. You know, because when you look, you know, we all celebrate life different ways and and on Mother's Day, it's obviously difficult. So. You know.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I don't have a problem with it. I... Yeah.

Well, because I look, it's not fresh anymore. And I don't mean that inconsiderately. It's just it's.

No.

No, no, it but not only is it not fresh but but I have done the work and I am at a good place with my mom But I was I was always really good with mom. Like even if we fought there we were just different We were just different, you know, We did things differently and and we let go of stuff and didn't you know Didn't hold on to it for the rest of our lives and hate on each other We could go through it be pissed off and then move on

I miss that because not too many people are like that. Like man, holding grudges is the thing to do these days. Like it's like the popular thing to wear. But my mom wasn't like that. when she was healthy minded, we could spar and it was okay. And I liked that. But nonetheless, she's going to be gone almost 15 years. It'll be 15 years in July.

Yeah, I'm coming up on four years now. Three, three or four years. But, speaking of celebrations, if we were talking before we got on here and, you got to go to a celebration of life of, a former high school boyfriend, which is, you know, always a interesting,

Mmm.

I did.

Yeah.

thing to go to. Yours was even more interesting. So I'll let you set the stage for what you did.

So my very first real boyfriend or real boyfriend, real boyfriend, he passed away due to pancreatic cancer. And we had his celebration of life this weekend. And it was at the place that I got married. It was in the very room that I got, that I had my wedding reception in, which was kind of, kind of...

Yeah, that's a good way of putting it.

my goodness. Yes. Only you. Only you.

Like, it's just weird how my life works, right? So, so it was there. They had a lot of, he had a lot, I know, right? This shit is handwritten just for me. So, so I walk into the room and I'm like, I got married in this room. I'm saying goodbye in this room. What the hell is up with this room? I don't want to be in it anymore, you know? But I went in and, and I got to talk to his parents and his sister, who I adore.

Yes.

and some girls that went to school with him that liked him back in the day when we were dating and there was other girls that I guess they wanted to date him but didn't. I don't know, I was like his first major girlfriend so I don't they I got asked like how many how many girls he had been with or how many girlfriends he had before he came out. I'm like I don't know I was the first one you know.

But you got to, but you have to, just said you, you popped the answer without actually saying why they asked you because he was gay. Yes.

Yeah, he was gay. So, he, yeah, he came out about, I guess, about 10 years after we dated. and it was funny because I didn't like the girl that he dated after me and I couldn't stand her. She just, she just had a problem with me because I had been in his life, right? Like she couldn't, she couldn't be nice like the rest of them were. And, and

So they're like, did he turn gamed? I said, no, I didn't do it that ugly hefe he was with after me did. But because he was gay, he had some very, very open minded, good looking male friends that were also gay. And they they adored him and they loved a good story. And I talked about how

boy.

Mm-hmm.

We used to compete with grades and even down to the way that we wrote a word like who could make it look the best and you know, I told him that we would practice writing each other's names over and over and over again after we rescinded the table because we didn't want to do the dishes and uh and That he wrote so pretty that when my brother saw my card that he gave me for my 17th birthday

My brother looked at it and goes, Tuna? Tina, this your card Tuna? And to this day, he either calls me Tuna or Toon. He's always done that. So I made, I kind of made everybody laugh and I wanted to keep it upbeat because if you knew this guy, he was always upbeat. He was always on, he was always happy.

Mm-hmm.

We got to the point where we'd look at each other and we'd make a look and then we'd both just break out dancing, like doing stupid moves, like we were in an Austin Powers movie or whatever, just to like, just to entertain each other. We had a really good relationship. So I went to this, to this celebration of life and I had to get up and like talk because I had so many great stories. I'm like.

Not everybody knows this guy like I know him from the time that we were together in school. It was like a really cool time, like our first, like getting our license and our first cars and first dances at school and all the things that we did that were something that we hadn't done before. you know, just like the good times, I really, really enjoyed it. So.

I went there, saw people that I didn't really care for, and I was still gracious and I still was nice to them. you know, we still had a good time and I danced in the middle of the room that I got married in with one of his friends that was a school teacher. And she and I were just like busting out. She was having a great time. And then other people came and got on the dance floor with us. And, and, and I, you know, so I met all these people that I didn't know, but then they were calling me Tuna or Toon or...

You know, Tina, and they're like, thank you for saying what you did. We didn't know him then. And I don't know. It was just, it was such a sad day because I can't imagine this earth not having him on it because he was such a positive person and such a likable guy. And he went out of his way to, to, to help people and to make them feel seen. He was just good at that. So I feel like we lost like such a good soul that

we should have had on this earth for a lot longer. And even though, you know, we dated when I was like 16, 17 in that realm, 18, I don't know. I feel like, I feel like hurt, like I miss him. But I did go up to his partner at the end of it and he said, thank you for sharing your stories. And he goes, they were great and they were true to him. So.

Thank you for that and then I said and I said and thank you for loving him for the rest of his life and it was just like a really cool moment like The first person you date and the last person you're with Having that sort of conversation. It was it was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful so I Was I was grateful for for having that? It was a it was a good day

You know, it's, it's, it's odd when you go back that far to any kind of service that you've known somebody for quite a long time. And if you known them a long time, but really kind of lost touch with them, because that happens obviously as we get older, we, we do things, we get married, we do all kinds of things.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And it happened with the guy was my tag team partner when I wrestled and I've talked about it on here before but We went to a get-together At his his house and it's a tad eerie because he actually died there But he died out in his he had they had a converted garage he died out there but When you when you go to those type of things

Hmm.

All these feelings of reminiscing come back of like and small things like My friend was a jokester He would call me in the middle of the night and like and I mean middle of the night like Three o'clock in the morning middle of the night and be like tell me a joke and then hang up Out of nowhere and like he would hit me with punch lines that would like

yeah.

I would be belly laughing and then have to try to go back to sleep. And then the next day call him and go, dude, you can't do that shit no more. And then I found out that I wasn't the only target. I guess he was just dialing everyone like back to back to back to back to back. Like he was just dropping these jokes at three in the morning. So we all had like, yeah, and we all had these stories and, but like, you know, look or

Mm-hmm.

You

Wow. That's cool.

wrestlers are rather large men and when you get a bunch of large men in one room it shrinks very quickly but you wrestling is like a fraternity almost like it's the best way that i can put it it's a fraternity of men that that we all know the secret it's kind of like magicians we all know the secret so we all have this little group of people that we hang with

But it was odd when you go to someone who died and I've been to several wrestlers funerals. It's like it's the most celebration of everything because you talk shit about the things that we used to do and how they were and being in the car together and all these things and to see a bunch of grown men with like, welled up eyeballs talking about the past. know, celebrations of life are so important. For a lot of things, closure.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's a good way to let go and say goodbye to someone who is important to you.

There's something good about having a little, a way to put things, to talk about things, to put them to rest and to be able to move on. Not that you won't think of this person, not that you don't wanna be with them again, not that you won't go through everything that you do go through, but to be able to just.

have a bump bump at the end of the song, you know what I mean? It's like it's important to have that and not everybody does that these days. It's kind of weird that they don't, but I was so grateful that I got to be there yesterday and yet it ripped my heart out. it really, you know, we hadn't dated in a hundred years, but still that connection that

that moment, because I remember going to our 10 year class reunion and I brought a date and everything and I show up there and he comes and plops his ass down in the chair next to me and I said, oh, I'm so glad that you're, that you're, I was so glad that you're here and that I get to see you and he goes, I go, are you, are you with anybody? Are you going to sit here with us? And he goes, he goes, Tina.

You were my college experience. And I'm like, not college, my high school experience, sorry. And I was like, you know what? He's right. Like we did things together every day. We were together, just like the rest of us were, you know, he was no different. Yeah. So I, it was kind of fun. It was great to see that he had.

Ha

Even so, it's funny.

Mm-hmm.

He had a wonderful life without me after me, that he had wonderful people in his life. Like that made me happy because I do believe that if you if you love somebody and you're not with them, you should you should want them to be with somebody that really makes them happy and loves them and and nurtures their their soul. And and I believe that he had that. And I don't know, I just it was a it was a weird situation for me, but it was a great situation. It was.

Sure.

I don't know. I'm having... I had emotions that I can't quite explain. And I don't know that I've ever been like for loss of words, but it makes sense that he would be the reason that I do. It was an interesting day.

Yeah, and I think that things like we're at an age now where unfortunately we're going to be going to a lot more of these things. It's inevitable. You know, I don't either. Look, I've been to ones of. Young men, I had a friend, I have a heart attack 40 years old. Matter of fact, he had the first one at a funeral and then died in hospital. Yeah.

But I don't want to.

Mmm seriously

Yeah, and then me and him years before that went to another guy's funeral. And this one almost like I don't like funerals anyway, and I really don't like open caskets. I'm not a fan. Just because you never look at the best morticians in the world. You you rarely look like you. Right.

He was a large wrestler, big. He was a big dude. And it looked like someone stuck him on top of the casket and then jumped on him to get him inside. And here's the crazy part. When you walked into the church, he was in the hallway right there in the front. Like on display. Yeah. It was like, was like, whoa, like I wasn't ready for it. So.

Aw.

What?

Yeah, I hate that.

so yeah, I'm not a big fan, but that being said, all of them that I've gone to and like, and now I'm talking to all of them. My uncle, when he passed away, he died really young. had, liver problem. Like all these things I've went to, I'm the, know, after the service and you walk outside and talk to everyone. That's the part.

you know, that is the healing part and the part that gets you through the day and gets you past it. Yeah.

Well, that was the best part, you know, because after after it was over and after we were all able to roam around again and they turned up the music because he was definitely somebody that liked to dance. So they made sure that they had music on and they wanted everybody to get out on the dance floor one last time and just have a dance for him. And I was I was everywhere I was at. Somebody came up to me and said, you know, Tina, thanks for doing that.

Like his cousin said, I didn't know him that way. I grew up on the East Coast. He was on the West Coast and you gave me a really good look at what he was like when he was in high school. Or, I'm so and so, I'm his cousin and I heard about you like his whole, his whole life he's talked about you and how much fun you were and how good of a best friend you were and how he, you know, he still kept you in his.

in his heart, you know, he's still he's still thought about you and stuff or or like his his sister who was just like, you still laugh the same and you you know, you still act the same and my God, you take me back to that time. And I'm like, those were really good times. They really were. We were fortunate. We had a good we had a good high school experience for the most part. We had we had

Right.

We went through experiences and did stupid shit and and had fun and and I did that with him like he was he was my person in high school that I did that with and his his little sister was in you know in on it too and so was my little brother and so was our other friends like we always had people around us so It just felt it just felt really

Like to put an end to it all and to know how he felt about me and my dad and my mom and my brother and how he, when he was really sick and he would stay up all night and just talk to his sister, because he didn't want to, he couldn't sleep, he was having problem sleep or whatever. The things that he, the people that he talked about were us. Like she said, he had so many stories about, I wonder if Tina would have liked.

this dance club and gone with us. I wonder if Tina would have been here if I had asked her to or I wonder if I got a hold of Tina would she would she want to see me and and the answer to all of that and I know he knows was always going to be yes like if he called and said you want to go to a club who doesn't know I would do that like come on you know I don't know it just it was really heartfelt.

Right.

Yesterday, but I also realized like I lost one of my people like this was somebody that knew me in a way that that not a lot of people got to you know, and and To have to to say goodbye to him and those memories it was it was It was hard. It was a hard day. I mean, I'm I'm I'm so grateful and and I'm talking about it I'm happy about it But it was really hard to say goodbye. It really was so

I'm glad that we were all together. I'm glad that everybody was loving. I'm glad I was accepted by his friends. people just came up and hugged me for no reason. I didn't even know who they were. And then they'd introduce themselves and all because I just stood up there and told him what a great guy he was.

Right. Well, I mean, it's nice that you had that chance. No, because I mean, a lot of people, you know, never got to say goodbye to you.

For sure.

Well, you know, it also boils down to what type of relationship you keep. you know, it reminds me of today. Like I went over to my my old house, my ex's house, my ex-husband's house, because he asked me how did how did he wanted to know how to make chili beans. And so I went over there and told him what to do to prep the beans. And then I went over there and.

We threw the rest of the stuff in it and they came out really good and we both put our input in and and I'm thinking to myself, okay, I said goodbye to my first real boyfriend yesterday and today I'm teaching my ex how to make chili beans.

Which I find very confusing that he didn't know how to make chili.

that's because I cooked everything for him for a hundred years like I did but

You told me that and I was like, he what?

He did not know how to make them. And it made me, you know, it made me feel good that he liked, he liked my chili beans. So I was like, of course I'll teach you how to make them. And we had a plan for a couple of weeks that it was gonna be today. Cause we, you know, I don't, on the weekends I've been writing so I didn't have time to do it then, but he's retired. He could do it during the week. I went over there with my...

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Right.

with my cousin and my brother showed up to eat and it was just like, like nothing's ever changed. Other than now I leave the house and I go home, you know, it's a, but the chili beans were good and I was grateful that we were, cause like towards the end of our relationship, we couldn't work together very well at all. Like it just leave me alone. Like we were not in a good place.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's because that's because everything wasn't good.

Right. And now like, I feel like I like him again. He's my friend. Um, I don't, I don't have any desire to get back together with him. I, I think we, we burnt that bridge. Um, but to still have my, my friends, somebody that, that I go over there and, and, you know, talk shit with him and, and hang out and I walk in, I, so I told him, I said, I'm not sorry, but I'm sorry.

Right.

that I walk in and I take over your kitchen like I own it. And he's like, it's okay, just this, this used to be your kitchen. You know, you're, you're cooking for with me. So I don't know. My life is just so weird. I think about it. Like who does this? But I have to say that I'm, so grateful that I do do what I do and that I do have the relationships that I've had and that, you know, that people are

you

Right.

When I say to somebody that they're special, they are special. And if they don't fuck me over, they could stay in my life forever because I'll make room. And I think that that's okay because it doesn't stop me from having a different, like if I was to meet somebody right now, that would be my ultimate relationship. That would be the one that I, the cup I filled. That would be the one that I'd wanna be with and everything, but that.

That's separate from any bit of my life that I've already had or people in it friends in it family in it like Doesn't necessarily mean that I want to go back to anything just because these people are in my life They're just in my life

Absolutely. Yeah. Look, we can say that things are good without revisiting them. You know what I mean? Like, that's, I think that's a misconception too, is like, not everything has to be revisited. You know, it is nice.

Right. Right, for sure.

And not everything has to be like, like destroyed either, you know?

Right, no, I agree. I think that, look, there's a lot to everything. I think that you have to be able to decipher between what is good for everyone and what is not. But look, it's at the end of the day, these people that we're talking about that are in our lives for whatever, they're going to be gone.

Yeah.

Or we're going to be gone first, one of the two. It's one or the other. So I think that there's nothing wrong with keeping people in your life on either a very long leash or a very short leash. It's OK.

It's difficult like when we're talking about because look you go to this service and you meet his mate that you didn't know

Mm-hmm.

You know, and to think that you've been talked about in his life, which is pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, it's an odd thing. Like I've had the same thing happen to me where like I found out like, this person like I have talked to my husband about you and I was like, whoa, like it's odd to me because I I really. When I was married.

I know that's crazy too!

I didn't talk about ex girlfriends with the exception of one and that's just because she lived with me and then we ended up living in the same me and my wife lived in the same you know condo so like yes there was things said but I I never got into detail about anyone because I just think that that's it's just odd like because there's always someone thinking about something and you got to be careful about that but

True.

look, I think how can I say this and be nice if if you're gay And you have a gay partner talking about a girlfriend from 30 years ago is probably pretty tame You know what I mean? That's what I mean like It's not like he he you know dated a woman two years before that so

Yeah, we were we were kids too. That's another part of it, you know, so

No.

And again, yes, you were 17 years old, 16 years old. It's a different thing where, you know, I dated this girl in my 20s. We lived in the same place and we ended up living there for many, moons after that. But I generally, I do my best not to talk about exes to people because of things like that. I'd rather let them all talk about me at the service when I'm long dead.

All

Hmm. Well, and they will cuz if it's anything like the one I was at yesterday everything got talked about I mean people were coming up to me asking me questions and I was like I feel like that's a little inappropriate like yeah, but is it because and I was like there and there was some things I didn't want to say and I didn't because those were my memories Those were my my special

Yeah. Yeah.

Right?

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Moments that I had with my best friend at the time and you know, it's It was it was so Like unreal to be in that situation yesterday and yet there was no nowhere I wanted to be besides there, you know, it was just it was just emotions on override and and not because

And it wasn't because I was like, my God, I'm, you know, I wasn't like that. It was like, my friend is gone and he's not here.

I don't want that to be the case. I want him on earth where I can run into him at the store or I could call him up and say, Hey, do you remember when we did this? Or not that I did, but to have that option to know he was just right down the street, you know?

Correct. It's nice to know that they're there, even though you might never talk to them again. You know what I mean? It's one of those things where like, it's a, case of emergency, break glass. Like I'm sure, I'm sure if you were desperate and needed to talk to him, you could have.

Yeah.

Well, you know what?

I don't even think it need desperate, desperate doesn't even come to mind if like if I, if I thought about him and, and I said, I'm, I'm going to call him tomorrow. I could have found out where he was so easily and, and, you know, said, Hey, I want to see you. And you know what I could, I didn't fuck things up so bad that I couldn't do that. And, and I'm so, man, am I grateful. I know I say that a lot, but

No, but you know what I mean.

In my life, I really learned to not burn down the bridge or not make it to where I couldn't pick up the phone or not, you know, not be who I've always been with people. I'm grateful that I kept things open and that I'm able to still... Like, I partied with his partner.

and his mom and his dad and his sister. Like who gets to say that? Like most people blow their relationships to shit and they can't even like have a real conversation. I didn't have to go through that. I...

You guys stayed friends after you broke up, no?

No, I didn't like the girlfriend that he was with after me she was And and not because of being jealous because at the time it was over it was over but she was just a bitch and very masculine in her in her approach like she was very don't know. I just didn't like her. I don't need to talk any more shit than that, but I couldn't I couldn't I said, you know, you need to

Right, right.

You need to move on and it's okay. And it was, it was okay. I, I started dating, I started dating a guy like, we broke up like on a Monday or Tuesday and I went out with this guy on Friday and then broke up with him a couple of weeks later. And then the very next week I was with somebody else. Like that's how high school went. But it wasn't,

right.

Yes, exactly.

It wasn't like I anybody want I wasn't hurting anybody, you know, it was a mutual breakup so No

You know, I tried to stay friends with exes or I had tried. Just because I think that, you know, like it's a nice thing to do. We'll see if it's nothing. I mean, trust me, there's girls I don't talk to at all anymore or whatever. But all in all, you know, it's for the best, I just think these days because look, we don't have a lot of time left.

You

right here.

Now, do I need to talk to them every day? No. But it is nice to know that like if you needed someone or if they needed you, like the people that are out there that I don't talk to, they know they can call me tomorrow. You know, and I would be like...

I don't feel like I'm like that, but they call me anyway.

Yeah, they don't call me, but I mean, but I think they know they could. You know what I mean? Like the or the people who know they could. It I'm just doing my best these days to not. To just not. Alienate people, because I don't want to be the person who's like, they died and I was, you know. Didn't talk to him.

Right?

Cause you know that the my friend from New York who was my ex girlfriend in like 10th grade. We talked for many years. And. Not that it was strained, it was just odd. Because like she was still like goo goo over me and hadn't seen me in a long time. But we talked and you know often and she would call me out of nowhere and I would just you know we talk. But.

It was definitely a weird, strained relationship. And then she passed away. And then I felt kind of shitty because I was like. Well, because I think I should have talked to her more. You know what I mean? Like, even though sometimes she would say things and they would just. Make my eyes roll or. Just because like.

Yeah, cause you can't pick up the phone and call them.

Robb (35:09.349)

she still thought I was the same person that I was 30 years before. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not that person anymore. Like, I'm just not. And, and I think that that's with everybody. Like, even 10 years ago, I'm not the same person. I, you know, we're constantly changing.

Right?

Thank God.

Yeah, and I think that that's why we should continue to try to have even if they're just subtle relationships. Like my friend in North Carolina, I don't really we don't really talk much, but I still text her on her birthday and on Christmas. And if there's something going on on the East Coast, like a hurricane, I'll text her just to make sure she's okay. Because I give a shit like she was my probably my one of my best friends.

Yeah.

So, for me, it's, know, do it while they're here, because you don't get another shot after that.

That's exactly what I feel like. And you know what really bothers me is he didn't know if he was going to go to heaven or hell because of being gay. I guess from what I hear, was a real nervous situation for him. Was God going to accept him? Was he going to purgatory? Where the hell was he going? He struggled with that because of being...

gay. And I wish that I had had known I wish that I could have talked to him because I believe that in such a way that I know I could have talked to him, talked to him and said, No, that's like not. That's not how things work. Like, you know, if you're a good person, you're a good person. You're a good person. It's just the way it is. And, and, and, you know, I understand that he really struggled with

with his lifestyle choices. And I wish I would have talked to him because I think I could have helped him not be so worried. And how sad that he was that worried. I don't know. It was a really interesting situation.

And all the love that was in that room was awesome. And, I don't know, I can't, I can't say enough. but I, I'm, I'm also like really pro trying to process everything that I've, that I'm going through because, for a long time, when I was younger, I felt like I was the bad one. Always the one that, that was unlovable or that,

You know people had people always seem to have problems with me and I look at my life now and I was like well People could really have had problems with me But I it wasn't mean that it doesn't mean that I wasn't a good person because look at I'm going I'm going to my very first boyfriend's Celebration of life and you know what I owned it there like I was on that dance floor. I I said goodbye to him. I I told them stories and then

The very next day I go over to my ex's house and I help him make chili beans. And is it because I'm still in love with him? No, I'm not in love with him. I have love for him. I shared a lifetime with him. How could I not? You can't turn off and on your emotions or at least I can't not that way. But like, I don't know. Life hasn't been that bad. And I've managed to keep people

All right.

in my life that were important and the rest of them, whatever.

Yeah, and that's all you can do. You can only do so much, convince people so much, whatever it is that the world brings you. You can tell them how you feel, and then they have to do the rest. So like...

That's why I'm okay with a lot of things too. Like if I tell you how I feel and then I walk away, then I'm probably okay because I've already come to peace with how I feel. you know, at the end of the day, sometimes that's all you got to do. And if you can do that, it's great. And as long as the people

Right?

know how you feel, I think it makes it better for when they do pass. You know, because, you know, a friend of mine from work that I worked with in Camarillo, when he passed away, like, I before he got really sick, I went out and you know, I was at the hospital talking to him and like I made sure he knew, like, this is how I feel like

That makes it so much better.

You're the best and I wanted him to know. he, you know, and that he made a, he changed the way I looked at life with a lot of things. And, that's, know, he, was the one who, who kind of, told me something. It's like huge to me to this day. said, you know, learn so much that they can't fire you. And it's.

Right.

Yeah, that's actually a really good piece of advice.

It was it was like the greatest so at the end of the day I was like yeah, you know and and he also unfortunately in death also told me that you only live once and You need to do the crazy shit sometimes Because you can't take shit with you and you can't you know, you only you'd only get certain chances take them so

That's true.

Look, I mean, I'm glad you got to go and I think it's important that you got to say goodbye in your own way. And truly that you got to meet the other people in his life that you didn't know about.

Yep, I did. I did. And man, he had some good people in his life. so grateful that he did because he was worth it. He was a good guy. again, I have, all I have is the fondest of memories. I'm glad it was him. Like he treated me like a person should and then...

There was other times where he was also just my sparring partner too. You know, I think about that. Like we used to argue like crazy, but then, you know, his partner said the same thing. They used to have some big fights and I think it was because we both had big personalities and we both like had something to say. We weren't going to back down to it. And you know, that was a blessing too. I'm grateful that

I had the opportunity to spar with somebody on that level and that we were able to discuss and debate and grow our personalities. We really did. We grew our personalities with each other. you know, it's funny, the older I get, the more I see things from like different sides of the coin, like by far. Like I see things so differently than I ever did.

It's kind of cool. It's kind of cool that I'm seeing the way things are turning out and the way...

the way that life is and should be and how people stay in my life. And I don't know, I'm really having kind of this moment of gratitude and peace with being who I am and who I am to people. And I'm digging it. I'm digging it. And I like, I liked

the idea of dancing at the end of it because you know we used to, god we dance so much, like all the damn time and like all the memories and stuff that I had because I sat down and thought about him you know you don't you don't normally think about your exes either but but I had time because I knew probably a month in advance that he was that they were going to have this celebration so I

Right.

I had time to sit with with the memories and things that we did and how we said things in the fights that we had in the and the life that we we had with each other. And it was I was so lucky, so lucky. So it was.

You know, it's a nice thing to get some...

the word I'm like. When you finally get to see the bigger picture, you know what I mean? There's you, you don't really see it until there's a lot of other things in front of you you got to go, yeah, and this and yeah, that and it's.

Mm-hmm.

you start seeing the world differently when people pass away because now you start going, maybe I should, I should get this shit in gear and I should do this or I should do that. And I've kind of, I saw a guy today. I was watching something before I went to work and

It was basically a guy saying, you know, he started photography in his 50s. Scottish guy. And the whole he has like a series on like, starting this in your 50s. And

And he went over these things and he's like, look, you're he goes, do it now because you can. He goes, yeah, your knees are bad. Yeah, this is bad yet. But he goes, you only got one shot. Enjoy it. And he goes, don't let anybody tell you you can't. And I kind of agree with that. Like, don't tell you someone like I decided over I went and shot pictures for the first time in long time.

Mm-hmm.

and kind of got the bug again. And now I'm like, now I'm starting to think, yeah, like, I'm really going to like throw this into high gear and, and see if I can't, even if I, you know, don't make a ton of money, like start doing pictures for people. Cause I, you know, I know I'm good. So, yeah, it's, only live once. I start living because it.

You know, that is so true. You know, I'm still concerned that my mom and her two brothers that were the, they had the same mom and dad out of the 13. They all died before they were 60. And turning 55, I'm looking at that like they were all 59. I got four more years and it could be me. And everybody goes, yeah, but.

Saki.

Yeah.

You didn't have the life they'd had. You didn't do the things that they did to contribute to their drama. But ultimately that there's no guarantee that it's not me either. You know that. So I really am looking at a. I don't know. I always felt like I was put on this earth to to kind of help give the souls that I'm close to one last little push.

Sure.

Correct.

And then say goodbye and that was going to be the end of it. Like I'm on my last life here on earth and I've always thought that. I try to, I really try not that I'm completely successful, but I really try to let people that I love know that I love them and just let go, just let things go. And I'm so grateful that I've had the opportunity to do it. But it's also broken my heart.

You know?

Yeah, and it's going to.

Mm-hmm.

And that's another thing that I've kind of come to terms with. Like your heart is going to be broken. It just is. That's just that's the way we are set up as human beings, unfortunately, and it's sucky because nobody wants that to happen. But it happens. And I think that if you're, you know, honest with yourself and and kind of see the world for what it is.

You know, live, have the experiences. I'd rather now have the experiences and get my heart broke than not have the experiences at all.

I'm all about having the experiences. I'll worry about my heart later.

Yeah, because you're supposed to. Yeah, because you're supposed to. Like, if I didn't meet people and have friendships or relationships or certain things with them, I wouldn't be able to take parts of them to make me who I am right now. Because they've changed me, all of them. It's kind of, you know...

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. And that's supposed to be that way. Their influence is supposed to change you. It's supposed to make you a new person and make you think in ways that you didn't previous. Absolutely.

Correct.

It's supposed to make us gain certain things, whatever that is. And like I said, you're gonna get your heart broken, Sucky. But it...

Yep.

Right? And you want to, because you don't, you can't get over somebody if you don't go through that. You can't figure out what you need to fix if you don't go through some of the hurt, like you just have to.

Yeah.

100 %

But at the same time, man, I've gone through some shit. I'm so grateful. I won't make that mistake again. I won't do it again. I won't.

Correct. That's the point. Don't do it again. least that's what I'm doing my best to do. I'm doing my best to just not do that same thing again.

Yeah.

And that's the whole point of you know being who you are I mean this all right We're not put on this earth to be perfect and if you think that you're supposed to be perfect Or or your parents or your friends or your husband or any of your loved ones are supposed to be perfect You're wrong. We're not put here. We're not put here to be perfect We're put here to make mistakes to get messy to try to to understand what it is that we need to understand and and and to live

Yeah, good luck with that.

there.

Mm-hmm.

not be perfect, not do things like 100%, but to live because that's the only thing that's our purpose here.

Yeah. I agree.

So, I

Any last words on the show this week?

I'm just realizing that once I love somebody, I'm going to love them forever. And I'm okay with that. And I'm, I'm grateful that I told him, I'm grateful that he knows, I'm grateful that, that I don't have any hard feelings holding me back with him or, or even my ex-husband. Like I'm, I did all right. And, and if you just put down your ego, you can, you could do it too.

Yeah.

Right? Yeah, I'm I just think that like live. It's so important right now and no matter what age you are, got to live live because. You only get one shot here, make it count.

that easy.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

All righty with that being said keep checking us out on the social media as I'm trying to post more and come back here every week. We've been knocking it out. We had another killer month last month. Thank you for everybody who's listening. Yes, it's super awesome and look it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina. I'm Rob. We'll see you in a week. Bye.

Yes, thank you, that's great.

See ya.