This is the 4th episode in a 5-part series – Characteristics of Heroes”.   

Today, I’ll share insight into resilience's power and beauty. I will also provide five tips on how to build resilience. Resilience is the characteristic that keeps us moving forward when we fall down or fail.  

Resilience was necessary for each one of my guests to surmount and overcome the challenges, problems, and devasting news on their health.

Find out why resilience is essential and build it before you need it. Resilience is preventative medicine before disaster strikes. Resilience will provide you with a tool to strike back and become the best version of yourself.  

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Website: https://www.dianebelz.com/

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This is the 4th episode in a 5-part series – Characteristics of Heroes”.

Today, I’ll be sharing the power and beauty of resilience.

Anyone trying to do great things to make a positive impact in the world will face setbacks, hiccups, screw-ups, and fail-downs.

Falling down is rarely fun unless you’re a stunt double or playing London Bridges!

I think I dated myself with that game.

There is a risk to stepping out to solve a problem that seems impossible to solve. There is a risk to lighting a spark to fuel the flame change in an area you feel passionate and purpose-led.

There is also a risk when you choose to do nothing a sit back and watch.

Because if you’re not taking risks, you’re not growing.

Playing it safe will keep you in the same place when others are moving forward, even when they’re feeling fear you’re probably dreading to feel.

John Maxwell, a legend in the leadership space, calls it Failing Forward. It’s the process of moving forward; even when you feel like you’re failing, you keep going.

Rather than beat yourself up, you pick yourself up and take the failure as a lesson you need to learn, an opportunity for growth, a yield sign, not a stop sign.

I read a book that spoke about resilience. The author used the analogy of two acorns planted in different locations.

One acorn was planted alone on a cliff at the edge of the sea.

To survive the brutal force of the wind and rain, the tree had to develop deep roots. Those deep roots anchor the tree in the soil to keep it straight and stable and absorb water and nutrients to produce what the tree needs to grow.

The other acorn was planted in the forest, protected by other trees, and shielded from extreme shifts in temperature.

That tree’s roots were shallow because it had never been fully tested.

Any fierce wind could blow the tree over because it did learn the lessons necessary to build resilience.

Living in Florida, I saw the after-effects of Hurricane Ian. I could see the trees with deep roots withstood category-five winds.

Then there were the trees scattered all over the highways, laying on roofs, shattering fences, and pulling down power lines. You could see their shallow roots.

Resilience is something that we want, but we might not choose the pathway to develop this heroic characteristic.

Challenges, pains, problems, and adversity are all seeds that are planted into our hearts, minds, and souls that help us to withstand life when it blows in with hurricane force.

A life-threatening diagnosis, a painful discovery, a child that seems unreachable, a spouse that has abused you, an adult who took away your childhood.

Resilience was key to all my guests getting up and moving forward.

It was not always right away, and sometimes they were crawling ahead, literally.

We never know how resilient we will be until we are tested, knocked down, and facing a challenge or obstacle that seems impossible to surmount. Then you’ll know what you’re really made of, how resilient you are by how deep your roots.

You think you have faith until it is tested.

You think you have the capacity to forgive until someone does what you believe to be unforgivable.

You desire purpose but don’t want to sacrifice your time, talents, and treasure to live it.

Long-term success requires resilience.

A desire to be excellent at anything requires resilience.

A determination to win requires resilience.

My youngest granddaughter, Sofia, is a very resilient child.

Sofi desperately wanted to learn how to ride a bike. She’d practiced riding on the grass in her yard since she lived on a busy street with a 50mph speed limit.

Definitely not the road to practice a new skill.

A friend of mine suggested that I bring her to a schoolyard and let her practice in the parking lot on the weekend.

We have a very frank discussion about the risk of bike riding on asphalt. If you fall, there is a bigger chance of getting hurt. To make sure that she understood the risks, I asked her, “What are you going to do if you fall down?”

Without taking a second, she answered, “I’ll get up and get back on the bike.”

“Okay, what will you do if you hurt yourself and get a boo-boo?”

“I know, I’ll bring band-aids and wipes, then I’ll get back on the bike!”

She was ready. I put her bike in the car and headed to safer training grounds.

As expected, she fell down and scraped her ankle.

Rather than staying down, she got up, took out the wipes and band-aids, and took care of the boo-boo.

She didn’t give up and got back on the bike.

Sofia quickly learned how not to fall and how to take control of her bike.

Within one hour, she was riding her bike at what I thought was breakneck speed.

Resilience is still showing up as Sofia has gone through some medical issues over the last few years. She’s not giving up; there’s too much life for her to live.

My husband Joe was also resilient. As a teen, he was a track athlete who wanted to jump high.

Jumping high, he thought, would also help him with basketball games and his desire to dunk a basketball.

He had a purpose, he had faith in his ability, and he had resilience.

One of his neighbors asked Joe’s mom, does Joe ever get over the bar?

She would hear the clanging of the pole hitting the street again and again for days on end.

Yes, he made his high jump pit in the street.

Resilience paid off in the way of him earning a full scholarship to college to continue his track career.

Sofi and Joe are two of my heroes. Whenever they set a goal, they go for it! They don’t allow failures and falling down to stop them.

So many of my guests also demonstrated resilience to keep going when, at times, the odds seemed stacked against them.

My guest Irene Vaksberg is a great example of a resilient hero. Two life-altering car accidents, one near-death experience, and chronic pain for half of her life.

Irene was ready to give up until she heard a voice tell her just one more prayer.

And it was more of an order than a prayer.

Explaining exactly how she wanted to be healed.

Her bold prayer got her the miracle she had prayed to receive.

Rising from the depths of despair, contemplating suicide, to now helping others through the miracle pain reliever God delivered to Irene.

Not giving up has given Irene a purpose and a platform. Her resilience is contagious with the energy she brought to the podcast in episode #47.

Resilience allows you to shift how you think about things from what you can’t do to what you can do right now in this situation.

Do you have to have two life-altering accidents and a near-death experience to gain resilience?

No, you can grow resilience; it all starts with your mindset.

I’ll provide five different ways to build your resilience before tragedy strikes.

#1– When something challenging comes your way, try to find something positive in the situation.

Find something to hold on to because the ride could be rough.

It might seem impossible until you practice.

Developing resilience paid off when faced with life-changing events when my daughter and husband both passed away suddenly. I can still feel a tinge of sadness at the loss of my daughter Jessica 25 years ago, and five years ago my husband Joe passed.

Both were devastating events in my life.

I don’t know how or why, but I could shift my perspective on the situation.

The day Jessica died when a large family started pouring into the house to support, the burden of grief was so heavy it felt like we all were going to be crushed by the weight of it.

Crying in the kitchen, I thought, “What would Jessica want right now at this moment?”

Would she want us to grieve her?

Did she want our lives to be miserable because of her passing, or would she want us to find a reason to laugh and celebrate her life?

I can still recall almost every moment of the day she died.

What is unbelievable is that I can go back in time and find the blessings!

Yep, the blessings. I found them that day, and I still find them 25 years later, and I am so grateful.

One miracle after another occurred.

Things I didn’t even imagine could happen, but they did.

When I let go and let God, He showed up so many different times and so many different places.

Finding the positive is a gift we give ourselves and others.

Choosing to keep seeing the positive is an act of will – and one of the essentials in building resilience.

A simple example is that about a month after Jess passed, Joe and I were out to breakfast with my parents. The waitress was spacy, forgetting our drinks and not getting our orders right. My dad was hangry, and I could see he was ready to lose it on her.

I touched his arm and said, Maybe something bad happened to her today. Maybe she learned that she lost someone she loved. Let’s give her a break and help her today.

Rather than being impatient, and I’m still learning, I showed compassion because all of us are going through something that can take us off balance.

Each time I find a positive way to handle a situation or find a tiny miracle during a crisis or tragedy, I build resilience.

What is something in your life right now that you could turn around in your mind and find something positive?

You might not see it right away. You might have to retrain your brain and sharpen your eyesight but keep looking.

And once you find one thing, ask yourself, what else could be a positive outcome of this situation?

And once you find these positive insights, hold onto them. They will be your anchor to help you get through this struggle and come out the other end a better person.

What I’ve learned by shifting my mind to see the positive is a deeper capacity for compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance.

# 2 View challenges as learning opportunities.

I’ve mentioned before the technology challenges I’ve had launching this podcast. Recordings would disappear, and show notes evaporated, while guests were not showing up, and I had to deliver a solo podcast.

Rather than be frustrated, I had a mantra during the early stages – I’m learning.

Look at all I’ve learned.

This technology is easy once I learn how and remember how to use it.

I took notes and posted them on my computer.

I took walks to walk off the frustration and keep my computer safe. And each time I failed in some way, I came back to deliver 53 episodes!

You can either give up or grow up!

The choice is yours.

Do you want to be resilient, go learn something that is difficult?

Get out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself.

After Joe died, I was doing my best to be as uncomfortable as I could.

Because I knew I had to learn how to be comfortable with uncomfortable situations. Learning to lean into discomfort became a daily part of my life.

I took up hot yoga classes – uncomfortable heat and positions.

I enrolled in an improv class.

The graduation was getting on stage with my class and performing.

The day before, I lost my voice! Really, I sounded like Kermit desperately trying to squeak out a word.

All I could think of was stage fright and feeling foolish.

What was I thinking? Joe would have said, You know you did this to yourself!

Miraculously, my voice came back, I got on the stage and loved the sound of laughter when a few of my improvised lines landed.

I started to play golf and whiffed or lost the ball more than it landed in the hole. I was horrible, and after four years, I’m now just bad, but having fun because I’m learning and finding the positive, which for me is coming home with all my balls and enjoying the encouragement and celebrating our successes with friends.

I started a Facebook blog, I’m learning to paint and lettering.

All are pushing me way out of my comfort zone into the zone I want to be in – the growth zone that will get me ready for whatever comes my way!

#3 – Learn to regulate emotions and express your feelings in appropriate ways!

Do you live with people?

Do you work with people?

Do you see people, talk to people, drive on the road with people?

You’ve probably answered yes to all these questions.

And if you’re with people, you will find multiple opportunities to learn how to regulate your emotions.

My recommendation is to learn how to PARK.

A method I learned after almost side-swiping another car.

The woman I almost hit was so gracious it shocked me and taught me a better way, a different way to react and get in control of my emotions.

Put it into park

1. Pause, then

2. Acknowledge how you feel and what just happened when you

3. Respond do so with

4. Respect and

5. Kindness

The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, don’t put your hand up to gesture to them or to honk your horn.

Send up a prayer instead to help you find the positive. Such as thank You God that we didn’t get into an accident. I hope the other driver gets safely to their destination.

Re-action is the new way of living. Someone posts a comment online, and scores of people line up to argue.

Why?

Does that make you resilient or arrogant?

Does that help bring peace, love, and joy to the world in desperate need, or does it add strive and division?

You can use pause for this as well, or just shut off your phone and go for a walk instead.

Your body, mind, and spirit will thank you. And your resilience muscle will notch up a level or two.

I’ve been in situations where through prayer, I was able to deal with awful words being hurled my way at times when only gentleness and compassion should have been delivered.

God grants grace to those who ask for it and practice it.

My sister has a phrase she uses to quickly analyze the situation, “In the light of eternity, will this matter?” The answer is always NO!

What are the times that your reactions and emotions can run away? Develop a plan now, so the next time it happens, you’re both prepared to respond appropriately and build resilience.

#4 - Focus on the things you can control instead of dwelling on what you cannot change.

Are you glued to your TV, tablet, or phone, immersed in the world of all that you can do anything about?

Do you know that these activities are draining you and wearing down your resilience?

The time, energy, and emotions you pour into things you can’t change, you can decide to pour into things you can change, like finding your purpose.

Our 24/7 news cycle and instant access to rubbernecking your way through the internet could be depleting you of the emotional resources to take charge and change what you can and pray about what you can’t.

Studying how brains work, and putting it into practice, is proof that you can change your mind! It’s called neuroplasticity.

You can change how you look at the world;

you can find the positive,

you can regulate your emotions,

and you can stop dwelling in a place that is unhealthy to be in – the news, social media, gossipy, and complaining conversations, or the past.

After 9/11, my husband and I were driving to see our son at college on our touring motorcycle.

¾ of a mile from our hotel, a woman made a left turn into oncoming traffic, and her target was us.

Everything happening felt like we were moving in slow motion. I was praying that if we died, let it be quick. My husband was praying that my life be spared for our sons.

We both thought this was our time. We would be leaving our children orphans.

Instead, we were delivered a miracle. The driver hit my husband and crushed or powdered his ankle, but the bike did not go down. It stayed up until Joe could drive over to the shoulder of the road.

Joe was in the hospital that night as they did their best to relief his pain and plan for surgery. I went to the hotel to rest for what was going to be a long couple of days.

My mind can go places I don’t want to go. It can dwell on the past and I can get locked in a time bubble of thoughts that are never productive and almost always painful.

Dwelling on the accident was not a solution. Instead, it would cause bigger problems, such as fear, anxiety, and prolonged trauma.

What I did was give myself permission to replay the story in my head and then let it go!

Dwelling on it would not have changed anything.

What I could change – my mind.

Because in my review of the incident, I saw all the miracles that came our way.

Do I have more miracles than the average person?

I doubt it. I have the capacity to see my life through a different lens. What others call luck, I call them blessings and miracles.

Forget the former things.

Do not dwell on the past.

See I AM doing a new thing!

Now it springs up!

Do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.

Dwelling depletes resilience and energy. It ruins today by worrying about things we can’t change and robbing us of today’s joy.

#5 – You build resilience by not seeing yourself as a victim.

Rape, molestation, emotional and physical abuse, abandonment, and disappointment can all lead to victimhood.

Each one of my guests could have chosen to be a victim or a hero.

They could have and probably did, cry whoa is me or why did this happen to me?

They could have looked for someone else to solve their problems or blame someone for their pain.

Instead, they choose to find a way to solve the problem for themselves and then go and offer solutions to others. They accepted the pain, struggles, and challenges.

Did you know victimhood is big business?

I see billboards everywhere asking if you’re a victim!

And someone’s pain is someone else’s gain.

You can choose that route, and sometimes it is warranted.

Other times we don’t realize there is a price to pay for being a victim, and you are the one who will pay for it.

You’ll pay by choosing not to forgive, to forgo your faith, to not find purpose in and through the pain, and you will lose the opportunity to grow your resilience into a superpower.

And one of my guests, Pam Button wrote a book on the topic that hit Amazon bestseller. She had so many accidents, incidents, heartbreaks and bad decisions. What she also had was resilience and to come back better each time. She shares Three Keys to turn setbacks into comebacks.

Researching resilience I came across an article,

This article from Entrepreneur Magazine, Resilience is the New Normal: How to Bounce Back From Setbacks

I’ve shared the link to the whole article in the show notes.

https://entm.ag/o3cZtV

Without resilience, you get easily overwhelmed by challenges, and what was supposed to be a temporary setback paralyzes you.

Our very survival in this new world depends on our ability to adjust and thrive in the face of trauma and hardship.

Without resilience, we fall back on unhealthy traits like avoidance and helplessness.

Resilience not only empowers us to accept, adapt and move forward in difficult situations, but it is also the core strength that makes bearing the load of life possible.

What can you do today to build up your resilience?

Do what you can now so that when the next news cycle hits, it doesn’t knock you down.

When the next tragedy strikes, you’ll have something to strike back with your resilience.

I’d love to hear about your resilience journey and you can contact me through the links in the show notes as well.

There is one more episode in this series – Characteristics of Heroes. I’m still pondering the characteristic, and I believe I know what it will be, but I’ll keep you guessing and tuning into the show!

Until then, I wish you a blessed and beautiful week that will have you:

1. Looking for the positive,

2. Viewing your challenges as an opportunity to learn,

3. Regulating your emotions,

4. Focusing on what you can control and

5. Choosing victory over victimhood

My hope is that you will see the beauty and power of building your resilience muscle.

Don’t give up even when it feels like you’re making little progress.

Keep moving, keep believing, and I’ll be cheering you on to a stronger, more resilient you.

Thank you for pulling into The Hope Station. Until next time, I pray that you have a blessed and beautiful week.