In this engaging episode, JJ Flizanes returns to discuss her transformative course 'The Roadmap to Emotional Healing.' Lesa Koski shares personal insights and learnings from the course, highlighting exercises like Ho'oponopono prayer and the identification of core wounds. They delve into the intricacies of understanding and addressing emotions, the impact of beliefs on health, and strategies for managing feelings. The conversation also touches upon the empowering aspects of acknowledging both positive traits inherited from parents and new approaches to emotional wellbeing. Listeners are encouraged to explore the course to deepen their understanding of emotional healing and personal growth.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back

00:25 Discussing JJ's Courses

01:03 Understanding and Managing Emotions

02:32 Fear of Sickness and Death

03:54 Empowerment and Belief Systems

06:10 Personal Stories and Health Beliefs

07:43 The Role of Belief in Health

10:35 Navigating Medical Decisions

16:25 Overcoming People Pleasing and Finding Joy

20:00 The Power of Belief and Frequency

21:23 Next Steps in the Roadmap Course

21:52 Transformative Exercise and Personal Growth

22:48 Challenges and Refinements in Therapy

24:43 Understanding Core Wounds

26:26 Emotional Triggers and Responses

27:54 Navigating Relationship Conflicts

31:15 The Importance of Emotional Processing

35:26 Reflecting on Childhood Memories

39:41 Course Promotion and Final Thoughts

jjflizanes.com/lesa

Welcome listeners.

2

This is a sweet surprise.

3

We had JJ Flizzines on last week.

4

And voila, she's back.

5

And I'm so excited because I was so

intrigued and just kind of fell in love

6

with, your spirit and your wanting to

learn, because that has always been in me.

7

And so listeners.

8

As you know, I've been talking

a little bit about what I've

9

learned through your course.

10

I took JJ's course and what I love

it's, is it called I Am Empowered?

11

Is that what it's called?

12

Or is that that worksheet that I have?

13

No, that's just the worksheet.

14

So the course is called the

Roadmap to Emotional Healing.

15

Thank you.

16

Sorry, I should have had that

down, and it is a roadmap and

17

very, it's filled with information.

18

there's another course that

goes through your, feelings

19

and emotions and your needs.

20

And I found that really helpful.

21

And I actually did a podcast on that.

22

So listeners go back and listen

to that or take the course because

23

you get it in there as well.

24

And so we're going to be talking about

JJ's course on core wounds a little bit

25

today and I have questions, but before we

jump into that, JJ, I do have a question

26

and my listeners, if they go back and

listen, they'll understand how you need

27

to understand your feelings when you're

not having, when you're having an unwanted

28

feeling, understand it, and then look at.

29

What is the need that I'm not getting

and how can I fulfill that myself?

30

And I love that.

31

And I've been using that and I've been

using, okay, you have to tell me, is

32

it whole pony pony or whole Pona Pona?

33

Oh, Pona Pona.

34

Neither.

35

Oh, a Pono Pono.

36

So I've said it right, but people know

I have ponies on my mind cause they're

37

right over there in the barn next to me.

38

so, but I've been doing that prayer.

39

Along with the becoming

aware of the feeling.

40

And I told my listeners last

week, I just did it last night.

41

There was a worry that popped up and I

stopped and I went, okay, where is it?

42

How do I, you know, I feel it.

43

And then I know that I tend to

over mother and we'll kind of

44

get into that a little bit later.

45

But then I did the prayer, you

know, where I'm like, I'm sorry.

46

Please forgive me.

47

And I kind of go, I'm sorry,

God, please forgive me.

48

I know you love me.

49

I know you're taking care of this.

50

You know, thank you.

51

I love you.

52

And it is.

53

I get peace and like

I've never felt before.

54

So I love that.

55

But I do have a question for you on

one of the feelings that I deal with.

56

I've always had this.

57

And then, you know, I had that stage one

breast cancer and that really scared me,

58

but JJ, I've always been really afraid

of sickness and death, like terrified.

59

Like I go into the doctor and

my blood pressure is sky high.

60

Like I'm just.

61

and, you know, sick to my stomach.

62

and so I looked at that and I sat

with it and I know that anxiety isn't

63

a feeling it's repressing a feeling.

64

So I kind of dig into that and I go,

okay, so I'm, I'm anxious and I'm scared.

65

I'm scared, you know, and I kind

of feel out of control because

66

there's only so much I can do.

67

Right.

68

I try really hard to be healthy

and follow the rules to be healthy.

69

But when I looked at what is that

need that's not being met, what I came

70

up with is physical safety is, and I

thought, because I'm thinking like,

71

is my body behind my back being sick?

72

I'm going to say that's what the

obvious and this framework of the

73

feelings and needs list, you know,

I teach it at the beginning of every

74

course, no matter what I'm doing.

75

I think I'm trying to

remember no date, your body.

76

We don't do this because it's in

the rewire program and it's in

77

the roadmap to emotional healing.

78

And I think I teach it at

every live event there.

79

It's sort of like, it's the getting

the verbiage down because I first

80

have to make sure that we start from

the position of empowerment of that.

81

If you have a problem or

you're not feeling it.

82

happy and you're in a negative feeling,

it's always because regardless of your

83

core wounds, regardless of any other

framework you want to work with, it's

84

because in that moment, there's a need

that's not being met for you though.

85

I don't think you're in, you're

in, in that moment, you're feeling

86

unsafe, but I don't think it's, it's

because you're You've kind of given

87

up power or control or ownership of

your safety to testing to the medical

88

world to, and I don't know that I think

that's the actual need underneath it.

89

So this exercise, which I think I taught

last week, is very, very important.

90

Simple, but it isn't easy.

91

And it's not easy because no one

is taught to recognize their needs.

92

And again, it always normally comes with

the, I need you to, I need them to, I need

93

it to, there's always a blame of a loss of

power and control over to somebody else.

94

What I actually think you are looking

for is peace and ease and trust.

95

And I don't know if

there's a family history.

96

And I don't know if I said this

last week, so let me say it now.

97

There are only six genes.

98

Six and I can read them too, if you

want me to six genes that Cannot be

99

changed and if you're born with them,

that's sort of the end of the story

100

Okay, but everything else people

think oh cancer is genetic cancer is

101

not genetic There is no cancer gene

102

I mean there are genes that can be

expressed as cancers But again, it's

103

it's not Genetics may, there's a saying

in the medical world, in the functional

104

medicine, naturopathic, that genes load

the gun, epigenetics pulls the trigger.

105

So it doesn't matter if the gun

is loaded, you have your genes.

106

Whether they express themselves

or not is completely based on your

107

epigenetics, which is layered into

the environment you're in, the stress

108

that you have, the food that you eat,

the, you know, all of the things that

109

you have 100 percent control over.

110

So, and it has to do with beliefs.

111

So going back to sort of a law

of attraction principle, you're

112

going to manifest whatever

you believe, not what you are.

113

So if you have a fear, which people often

do, well, everyone in my family has had

114

this, therefore I'm going to have it.

115

And they actually believe that.

116

So regardless of whatever

physical things that they're

117

doing to try not to have that.

118

The belief is they're going to get it.

119

Because when you don't understand

that you get to change the expression

120

of your genes, you get to decide.

121

And I hate to say this because

it's not me inviting it in,

122

but cancer doesn't scare me.

123

It never has.

124

If I get cancer, I know

exactly what I'm going to do.

125

And I know what I won't do because

it's looking at the imbalance.

126

In Chinese medicine, I don't

know if we talked about this last

127

week, but Chinese medicine, they

don't recognize tumors or cancer.

128

It's stagnant energy.

129

It's energy that's been stuck.

130

Well, there's a reason it's stuck.

131

And depending on where it's

stuck, there is a meridian.

132

There is a chakra.

133

There is an energy system attached

to that area of your body that

134

gives you information about

where your energy is stuck.

135

So in acupuncture, Chinese medicine,

they're treating the entire person, not.

136

A tumor that we're going to go in and

Radiate or whatever and think that

137

that's going to kill it and get rid

of it Because anyone that's doing

138

that because there's a lot of cancers,

especially breast cancer that reoccur.

139

I've got a client right now She's on

her fourth time having and she did

140

traditional stuff the first two times

and she did naturopathic stuff the second

141

Or i'm, sorry the third and now She's

in a whole different, like, where, how

142

she's handling or how she's being with

this, but it's because, and I love her

143

if you're listening, it's because she

actually really hasn't gotten to the root.

144

The one thing I keep harping on about

the emotional piece, and it's like,

145

we've done all the, we've done all the

foods and the change in the different,

146

treatment plans and the different

medications and the different supplements

147

and the different, like, things.

148

But there's, there's a, still a

through line of a belief system,

149

like a current, your, your belief

system is a, is a frequency.

150

It's a current.

151

And if I, in the back of my mind, truly,

truly believe that because my mom, my

152

grandmother, my great grandmother all

had this thing that I'm doomed to get it.

153

No matter what I do, I'm going to

get it regardless of how I live,

154

because that's what I believe.

155

So it's B it's being able to

change your belief systems.

156

Okay.

157

Can I jump in and ask you something

that is so true with like the high

158

blood pressure stuff, because I'm like.

159

Oh my gosh, my grandpa died young.

160

You know, I had watched two grandpas,

one like had the, had the first like

161

open heart surgery in the country years.

162

You know, I mean, I just, I've seen a

lot of that and maybe that was scary

163

to me, but honest to God, JJ, I didn't

think I was going to get cancer.

164

I didn't think I was going

to get breast cancer.

165

it's not in my family.

166

I don't have big, huge boobs.

167

I was always like, I'm not getting this.

168

I never, I truly, I feel like, down

to my toes, I never, I was shocked.

169

I was like, what the hell is this?

170

But the gift that cancer can bring, as

any diagnosis can, whether it's, and I'm

171

just talking to people who assume certain

genetic pieces, like I have a friend who

172

is in town and I heard he has cancer.

173

I haven't talked to him, but I also

know his dad died young and so I have

174

a feeling that he sort of in the back

of his mind, kind of figured he'd die

175

young, regardless of how he was going to

die, for you and for most people, breast

176

cancer is as we, I think we talked about

last week, but if not breast cancer is

177

usually an out of balance of giving and

receiving, it's the nurturing of others.

178

On top of yourself, it's depleting

of yourself at the expense

179

of yourself for other people.

180

And that's the gift that if you can

get that awareness and change that

181

habit, yes, there's other factors.

182

Potentially there's, the terrain,

10 of different factors at your

183

body that creates the foundation

from which disease happens.

184

Cause it doesn't happen overnight.

185

It happens over time.

186

So over time that gets compounded,

but you get to say, wow, how

187

did I, how did I attract this?

188

Oh, cause I'm constantly.

189

Out of balance with giving to other

people at the expense of myself and.

190

That goes that when you learn that, you

can say, great, I'd like to change that.

191

I just saw a clip on social media, a

doctor on another podcast talking about

192

autoimmune diseases and how women get

90 percent of the autoimmune diseases.

193

And because, and the personality type that

gets auto immune diseases are over givers.

194

I think I saw that.

195

Yes.

196

Yeah.

197

And so it just, it, and there are

cancer personality types, right?

198

For people that sort of don't like

thyroid, for instance, thyroid is

199

about the throat and the throat chakra

and having a voice and speaking your

200

truth and asking for what you want and.

201

You know, just having a voice period.

202

So people that have thyroid issues,

most of the time have been stuffing

203

their beliefs, their desires, their

needs, because we're not taught.

204

This is not something

that we ever get taught.

205

You have to search it out.

206

It's not taught in school.

207

It's not taught in, you know, anywhere.

208

And, uh, and so I think it's really

important, like I said, the beginning

209

that this exercise from last week,

210

It is simple, but it is not easy

because you do not have models for this.

211

You do not have models for taking

responsibility for how you create

212

your own energetic container that

either attracts or repels health.

213

Yeah.

214

And, yeah, cause there's a lot

of things we don't, I never

215

thought I'd get divorced.

216

Oh my God.

217

You would have asked me.

218

I would say I will never get divorced.

219

Like it was not in the cards for me.

220

I fought.

221

But then at some point there's

a surrender that happens to

222

say this is out of my hands.

223

I have done this has led

me through an education.

224

I couldn't have gotten otherwise.

225

This has led me through

personal development that I

226

wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

227

This has led me to the life I have now.

228

That I had no idea was in

store for me, but the road

229

looked the way that it looked.

230

I needed a reason.

231

I needed a really good reason that I

was attached to, that I cared about

232

deeply more than anything because I can

fix anything, but I can't make someone

233

else want something they don't want.

234

Right.

235

so the lesson in that while it

was, you know, it's life, we come

236

here to learn and you know, part of

life school is you have to have a

237

challenge that you can learn something.

238

And it doesn't mean you just suffer.

239

That's the difference.

240

If you take it with a

little bit of levity.

241

of like, Oh, and especially at,

you know, stage one, Oh, okay.

242

This is my body that I wasn't

apparently listening to before.

243

I don't know what other symptoms you

might've had, but the body will continue

244

to get louder and louder until you listen.

245

And we have the opportunity

to learn how to stop and go.

246

What's it saying to me?

247

How do I check in?

248

Like at my embodied healing intensive.

249

I had everybody muscle test.

250

I taught them how to muscle test and

I gave them all the chakras and we

251

muscle tested every chakra and every

emotion within the chakra to see

252

what was out of balance for people.

253

So they would know where to start with

how, you know, what am I looking at for

254

healing and connecting and reconnecting?

255

I have the list.

256

Let me just read quickly the, uh,

the six because I know someone's

257

going to ask the six genes.

258

It's cystic fibrosis, hemophilia,

Huntington disease, Ty Sachs

259

disease, Marfan syndrome.

260

and hereditary hemochromatosis.

261

Those are the six genes that,

again, epigenetics, I'm sure

262

will still play a role in the

intensity of someone's expression.

263

Because again, if you think

about the container of your body

264

and you're all stressed out,

the body can't heal in stress.

265

Your adrenaline's going, your cortisol's

going, you're not in a receptive mode.

266

when you're in a more relaxed, happy

state, you have oxytocin going,

267

you're anti inflammatory, your body's

doing what it needs to do to heal.

268

And sometimes when we get in a

diagnosis of any kind, We immediately,

269

and I'm, again, it comes down to

that belief of, for me, I know I

270

go, well, I know how to research.

271

I trust my intuition.

272

I had fibroids and I was, went

to many, many doctors who told

273

me I needed to have surgery.

274

It was too far gone.

275

And I just, cried every

time I was in the office.

276

I bawled my eyes out because

I wanted a different solution

277

and nobody was giving me one.

278

And it took me to the last

appointment when I was scheduling

279

the surgery and crying hysterically.

280

Then I was like, hello McFly.

281

You do not believe this.

282

You do not believe this because

if you did, you'd feel relief.

283

If this solution was the right solution

for you, you would feel good about it.

284

And I did not feel good about it.

285

So I stopped, I canceled it.

286

And two years went by and I did all

kinds of things in those two years.

287

And I even got rid of one by myself,

wouldn't recommend it, lost a lot of

288

blood, but, but I did it naturally.

289

and then, my intuition said,

go, go look at the research.

290

Cause there was a procedure

that I wanted to do.

291

It was, uterine artery embolization.

292

and it was at the time you, if you

wanted to get pregnant, they said, don't

293

do this because it will, hurt that.

294

This is not, this is not safe.

295

So I was like, okay, so I didn't do it.

296

Well, two years go by and

then my intuition says,

297

Hey, go check it out again.

298

So I go online.

299

Two years later, it's

180 degree different.

300

now it's the fertility preserver.

301

I'm like, okay, great.

302

So I got myself an appointment.

303

I went in and needless to say, I,

there's a whole story to this, but I'll

304

say, you know, everything was good.

305

Even the fact with the doctor was saying

to me, two doctors, Looked at me and said,

306

I'll do this, but I don't recommend this.

307

And I said, of course, what do you, you

know, I'm just curious what you recommend.

308

I didn't care not to be arrogant, but I

don't trust a lot of doctors because I

309

don't, I think they have their five tools.

310

And this is what the

five tools that I have.

311

If you have as many tools as I understand,

and then we can have a conversation

312

that's a little bit more inclusive, but

when you only have surgery and drugs

313

and a hysterectomy is my only choices, I

tend to sort of doubt that you're, very

314

well researched in other modalities.

315

So she said, I think a hysterectomy

and I looked at her and the kind of

316

laughed and I thought you're crazy.

317

So then the other doctor looked at

me and said, you make me nervous.

318

And I had to laugh.

319

And I looked at her, I had to consult her.

320

I said, okay, and I I'm coming

up with different ways in

321

which this can all work out.

322

And at the end of the day, I said,

look, I said, you know, what's got to

323

say it's a 15 percent chance, right?

324

That this is going to go bad and only a

15 percent chance because the other doctor

325

thought I, in my age range, forget my

health level, that my age range indicated

326

that it was more than 5 percent because

it would have normally been a 5 percent

327

chance that something would go wrong.

328

So I said to this gynecologist, that's

85 percent chance it's going to go right.

329

So here's what's going to happen.

330

You're going to do the procedure

and it's going to do exactly what's

331

supposed to, it's going to shrink up,

it's going to break down, it's going

332

to slowly over time leave my body.

333

That's what's going to happen.

334

So I had the, and there was

a whole fighting with the

335

doctor during the procedure.

336

Anyway, it happened exactly

the way that I said it was, it

337

would, nothing bad happened.

338

And the gynecologist, when

I went back in basically was

339

like, okay, what do you want?

340

I'll do whatever you say.

341

You obviously are, you know, you're

listening to your body and it's working

342

because I had to fight against two

doctors about a 15 percent chance

343

that something was going to go bad.

344

They wanted to take out my uterus.

345

I'm like, no, right.

346

But that's what we deal with.

347

if we keep giving the power away to, so

there's, there's something for your need.

348

I feel that's a little bit of a, I don't

know, is it before you got diagnosed?

349

Were you nervous when you went to the

doctor or was it since having cancer?

350

I have, I know I was always

nervous about my heart.

351

Always nervous that I would, because

I have high blood pressure and always

352

like afraid that I was going to have

a stroke because I watched my favorite

353

guy in the world, my grandpa, go

through that and I, I don't know.

354

And so that was what I was, but

I, not so much about cancer.

355

I'd go in for mammograms,

never worried about them.

356

Never was, I was just like piece of cake.

357

You know, it didn't,

didn't make me nervous.

358

but I am an over mother for sure.

359

And JJ, I, because I was always people

pleasing and I'm still learning, there's

360

been some really big things happening.

361

I'm still learning how to overcome that.

362

But I forgot how to have fun.

363

Like I forgot.

364

And now like.

365

I'm such a different person.

366

Like I'm painting the laundry room and my

son comes and he's like, I hate painting.

367

I'm like, Everything seems fun to me now.

368

You know, it's fun.

369

Who cares?

370

Like I don't have to hurry.

371

And, so when I'm doing more fun things,

I'm, you know, working out with fun

372

ladies, I'm riding my horses more

playing with my grandchildren, huge fun.

373

for me.

374

Um, but I do, I do over mother

and I'm noticing that and I

375

want to really be careful.

376

I also know because of that people

pleasing, I've, and that we're kind of

377

getting into what I've learned in the

course, you know, the journey that I've

378

taken through that, the roadmap course.

379

and through the cancer diagnosis,

but I gotta say too, I gotta go back

380

and say, I love what you're saying

about how you knew yourself with the

381

doctors and my daughter is a physician.

382

So she's very like,

mom, what are you doing?

383

You know, but there was something really

special about when I went through this,

384

it really was a gift and a lesson JJ,

because I found this physician who broke

385

off from corporate medicine, darling

woman that I adored, and she said,

386

I wouldn't get a double mastectomy.

387

You know, she's like, it's going to work.

388

I mean, I had a, this is

another interesting thing.

389

The tumor was very small

and it kept getting smaller.

390

Like the MRI showed it one

size and then they went in for

391

surgery and it was even smaller.

392

And I'm like, really, you got to do chemo.

393

And they're like, yeah.

394

And I, even though getting that chemo

was, it was kind of like, it's probably

395

all gone, but because it was the type

that it was, it was a her too, they like

396

to use chemo and the, the oncologist.

397

was referred to me by the

surgeon who did amazing.

398

I mean, she, you're going to, you

know, the things you don't think

399

of, like you're going to, you

know, I don't want my nipple off.

400

Like I didn't even think about that.

401

That's hard for women.

402

And she did, she took, took her time, made

sure she had the margins and saved it.

403

And so like, I don't even look different.

404

It was so amazing.

405

So I feel like.

406

God brought me those people.

407

And then I let it go.

408

I was like, okay, I trust you.

409

And then she sent me to an

oncologist at a hospital.

410

I never thought I would go to, never

thought I would go to this hospital.

411

And I went there because they are

more, it's a teaching hospital and I

412

always hated having those kids come in.

413

But now that my daughter's, you know,

ending a residency, have a little

414

more loving about it, but so it was

a teaching hospital, but they were

415

more into fitting it to your needs.

416

But this oncologist said.

417

Cancer is probably all gone right now.

418

We're doing this to make sure, right?

419

This is a precaution.

420

And she said, I think you're going

to tolerate chemo really well.

421

And for some damn reason,

JJ, I believed her.

422

I don't know how, but I did.

423

And I hate it going in and getting it.

424

It would make me shake because I

do everything to support my body

425

and to like throw this poison in.

426

I was just like, Oh, but I

just knew that it's okay.

427

It's a reset for my body.

428

I'm going to be okay and

I'm going to overcome it.

429

And for some reason I was able to

follow it and I felt like it was right.

430

You know, it's where frequency

and vibration supersede.

431

It's quantum physics.

432

It supersedes everything.

433

You know, my, someone who.

434

And let's just take, let's take,

vaccines and I won't go into any politics

435

about, I'll just say that, for people

that have a lot of fear about stuff

436

or, you know, are good obedient, do

what the government tells you to do.

437

if they feel that this was helpful for

them, like remember I talked about relief,

438

like when I was signed up for surgery,

never once did I feel good about it.

439

I never, I never, Existed this whole

time my body was like kept telling me

440

no, no, no, no, no No, and of course, I'm

defaulting on how many doctors have I met

441

with and they all keep saying the same

thing But my body said no it was clear.

442

I'm crying.

443

Hello So I and I trust myself and more

than anybody else So when it comes

444

to whatever you believe someone that

believes that it might help them No, I'm

445

not saying someone who believes it might

help them also might not be affected

446

by it but if they if they truly truly

truly believe That they're gonna be fine.

447

This is gonna help them.

448

That's probably what

they're gonna manifest Yeah.

449

But somebody who doubts it will not.

450

Someone who doubts will get

not, it'll be, it's almost like

451

a self fulfilling prophecy.

452

If you have doubt and you do it anyway,

that's almost kind of the worst thing you

453

can do because you go against yourself.

454

It's not, and then the body

goes, well, let me show you.

455

Why you don't ever want to do

that again, because I'm going

456

to manifest the exact thing.

457

You're afraid of.

458

I had a client years ago

who was afraid of cancer.

459

She got cancer.

460

She died because she was

afraid of it, but she didn't.

461

So let's talk a little bit about what

would be next on your roadmap after, you

462

know, you got the basic core wound stuff.

463

It would be making an

appropriate proper map.

464

So you could actually understand

the different parts of the core

465

wound map and how it, and like how

you're responsible for keeping them

466

alive, how you're going to change it.

467

And that doesn't happen

because the roadmap course.

468

It's a self study course.

469

It's to get somebody familiar with

the idea of core wounds, to uncover

470

what your core wounds are, to see the

patterns that play out in your life.

471

There's a lot of, even if you just

do the exercise as it's given,

472

which I actually had Harville and

Helen this week on my podcast.

473

I got to confess to him that I've

made entire business around that.

474

Exercise and developed

it into something deeper.

475

Then he's very excited for me to share it

with him, which I'm very excited about.

476

and for me to write a book about

it, which he's all about, because

477

I've taken this one exercise that

was life changing for me, all I

478

had to complete what they gave me.

479

And that in itself was life

changing because of how I process

480

emotions, how I could see patterns.

481

And the minute that I saw the pattern,

I stopped it because my ex husband

482

would tell me, and I would say to him.

483

He's like, you know, that

thing you do, it doesn't work.

484

I said, Oh, I know.

485

Like, I was well aware.

486

I'm like, it doesn't work.

487

Why do I keep doing it?

488

I don't know.

489

I can't stop.

490

I don't know why I can't stop.

491

But then I did the exercise and I

stopped because I saw the pattern

492

went back so far and I understood

how it was about me, not about him.

493

Yes.

494

So I took ownership of that and

I taught that that way for years.

495

But over the years.

496

it would be hit or miss.

497

Not everybody would be life

changed by the exercise.

498

And so as I got deeper into working

with people in this way, in smaller

499

groups of people, I'd start to see how,

this needs to be fine tuned into this.

500

And this is how, how we're looking

at ourselves and how I keep that

501

core wound alive myself every day.

502

if we don't start to change our own

habits and patterns and behaviors.

503

within ourselves, then we can't ask the

outside world to change necessarily.

504

We have to be the ones that, we

have to be aware of what it is.

505

so the roadmap course is really about that

diagnostic process I talked to so many

506

people who are even therapists and I'm,

and they would have, and even in that,

507

episode with Harville and Helm this week.

508

I said, I'm not a fan of traditional

talk therapy because you're

509

literally talking about the same

things you're already aware of.

510

Like there's no new information.

511

There's no new way of

looking at something.

512

It's literally a recycling

of the belief system and the

513

information you already have.

514

That's a big, and there's no structure.

515

So when we look at, well, if I'm going

to go heal something like I've, I

516

went for Reiki this week, one of my

Qigong teachers, she teaches, she does

517

Reiki and she offered me a session.

518

and Reiki is a very powerful tool, but

if you don't know why you're using it

519

or what you need to expect from it, same

thing with hypnosis, same thing with

520

Ho'oponopono, same thing with, I don't

care what the therapy is, tapping EMDR.

521

Why am I doing it?

522

What is the wound?

523

That's causing the problem and what is the

behavior or the shift in how I interpret

524

something that I'm waiting to see happen

so that I know it's getting better.

525

And that's where this whole idea

of talk therapy or just healing

526

in general is so, like, elusive.

527

Oh, healing.

528

It's like exercise.

529

Oh, just exercise.

530

What the hell does that mean?

531

As a practitioner, I'm

like, exercise more.

532

Doing what?

533

What is the goal?

534

Strength training?

535

Flexibility?

536

Do you want me to be a faster runner?

537

Endurance?

538

Do you want me to improve

my cardiovascular?

539

Like, exercise more is the dumbest bit

of advice anyone can give somebody.

540

So when you say, oh, I'm, I'm, you

know, I'm healing or I'm in therapy.

541

Okay, how?

542

What are you doing?

543

Are you, so let's, let's figure

out what the wounds are, at

544

least the top three core wounds.

545

Did you figure out what yours were?

546

yeah, tell me again what letter that is.

547

it would be one of the last two.

548

So it's, The Deepest Fears, I

believe it's The Deepest Fears page.

549

Not the last page, because that's

when you put it all together for the

550

Imago piece of relationship therapy.

551

But let's go one or two pages before that.

552

I'm sorry, this is taking a little while.

553

I've got my frustrations.

554

Deepest fears.

555

What's the page after the frustrations?

556

Okay.

557

Got it.

558

Okay.

559

Do you have any of the repeat?

560

You have your mom and your dad

and maybe other, are there any

561

words that repeat on both sides?

562

disapproved of.

563

Great.

564

Okay.

565

So let's just work with that one.

566

So if you have, and I'll take you

through sort of the, the, the, what

567

the map And that's not what's in this

course, although you can start it.

568

And I do start it on the, I added a fifth

week, as a bonus to sort of do that.

569

Did you get to that?

570

Well, is that the question and answer one?

571

Okay.

572

I didn't do that one yet.

573

Yeah.

574

Do that one because I'll walk you through

how to, how to put, and it's not even.

575

Again, I've been working with

this now for so many years.

576

So it's even better now than it

was then, but that it starts you

577

on the, how do I make this map

from this data that I've collected?

578

So let's just look at disapproved up.

579

So you have a core

wound of disapproved up.

580

It's probably the first, most important

one, because if you have it with both

581

parents, then it's probably the strongest.

582

So disapproved up.

583

So when you and your, and when

you get triggered in life, One

584

of the top three core wounds is

what's going to be triggered.

585

And again, it's going to

be mostly subconscious.

586

You're not going to choose it.

587

You're just going to feel bad.

588

You're going to have a feeling because

your subconscious has interpreted you

589

being disapproved of and then you're

going to have whatever feeling, which you

590

can find that on the frustrations page.

591

And then you're going to have a response,

which is also on the frustrations page.

592

So you'll figure out the circuit.

593

I call it the circuit.

594

And it's what happens.

595

Immediately.

596

It's so it's, it's built in, it's

a reactive, pattern that you have.

597

and so while that pattern won't change

overnight, when you start to recognize it,

598

when you start to notice it and become an

observer of it, then when you get to the.

599

The action piece, the third part

of it, you can choose to act

600

differently, to respond differently.

601

And you can get through it faster

than what happens is people get

602

triggered because they feel devalued.

603

They feel abandoned.

604

They feel ignored.

605

They feel suppressed.

606

They feel smothered.

607

They feel disapproved of.

608

And then we create this whole story.

609

And we end up cycling and cycling and

cycling in this story that's not true

610

because you don't understand the mechanics

of the fact that this was a, this was

611

a triggered response and I could have

just let it do its thing and then be

612

done with it, but I took it because

it was a thing and I made it bigger.

613

I made it bigger by telling people, I

made it bigger by making it a bigger

614

deal than it needs to be, not recognizing

that this is a core wound that I have.

615

And the likelihood is I'm going to

respond in this way in some degree,

616

possibly for a long time until I.

617

expand my comfort zone and

do something different.

618

Okay.

619

I want to, I want to talk to

you about something happened.

620

My husband and I have not had

like a, like yelling fight, like a

621

real mad fight for quite a while.

622

And we were driving to the

airport to pick up my daughter.

623

And of course we started talking about

finances, which is not a good idea when

624

you're stuck in a car with someone.

625

In in our case we were talking about it

and kind of basically it is he wants me

626

to just take care of everything And I

don't want to I want to do it together

627

I want his insight and he doesn't want

he's like I make you know I make it you

628

figure out what to do with it and you tell

you know so he He could make me feel I

629

I don't know what the difference between

shamed shamed and disapproved of is to me.

630

It was real close You So

it was kind of like that.

631

No, that feels more like abandoned

because you, you want to do it together

632

and he just wants you to take care of it.

633

He doesn't want the burden of figuring

it out because he feels like he's

634

already tired doing what he's doing.

635

And he just wants you

to, and he trusts you.

636

he wants some peace.

637

He wants some ease and

you want connection.

638

Okay.

639

That sounds true.

640

So you probably, If you have abandoned

on there anywhere or ignored or devalued,

641

there's probably a little bit of him.

642

It's like a rejection.

643

You probably took it a

little bit like a rejection.

644

And again, rejection is not bullying.

645

It's an interpretation.

646

So if you're, if you're interpreting,

my husband doesn't love me because he

647

doesn't want to spend time with me on

how we're going to spend the money.

648

That's because that's coming, that's

being filtered through your wound.

649

When actuality, he's

literally saying, I'm tired.

650

I have enough to focus on.

651

I don't want to do this.

652

I trust you.

653

Just do it because it'll

make, it'll bring me peace.

654

It'll bring me ease.

655

To him, that's the collaboration.

656

I'm going to make it.

657

You spend it and manage it.

658

End of story.

659

We each have our roles.

660

And then we don't have to keep

talking about something that,

661

like, it's just too much.

662

Like, he wants some space.

663

I love this.

664

I love this because I was a little bit

concerned because, okay, I looked at that

665

and I knew, and I was really like working

on how, how is this making me feel?

666

What is this?

667

and then I was thinking, I

always want to just come and fix

668

it and make them feel better.

669

Is that wrong?

670

Is that over mothering?

671

It's you.

672

Cause I don't really want to do it.

673

I don't like dealing with money, but

then I thought back to, I started taking

674

care of my finances when I was 12 and

I didn't want to, I was terrified.

675

I didn't want to do it.

676

And you know, so now I'm like, okay,

well there might be other solutions

677

and maybe there's something to explore

that like having a money manager or

678

your financial planner or I don't

know, but having another solution.

679

that satisfies everyone's needs.

680

You have a need in this case, it feels

like you have a need for connection

681

and, and maybe because it stresses

you and maybe because it stresses

682

you out, you don't want to do it by

yourself because it stresses you out.

683

So you're trying to make it more fun and

more meaningful by having connection.

684

He wants space, but when you ask

me the question, is it wrong to

685

want to help somebody feel better?

686

It's not that it's wrong.

687

Let me give you, here's the reality.

688

When someone around you is upset and

you get triggered and you want to

689

make them feel better, it's because

you're uncomfortable being upset.

690

Because it triggers your wound of

not being able to be in that emotion.

691

So the real issue here is you don't

know how to hold the space for your

692

own emotions, so you don't have a whole

space for other people's emotions.

693

It's like, you know, it's too messy.

694

It's out of control.

695

You don't know how to let somebody.

696

It is.

697

And I don't know what to do.

698

Like I get, like, I want to

cry and then I get like, I want

699

to yell and then I like, okay.

700

But emotional processing is, is that.

701

It's about a process.

702

It's about allowing the process and

you want to repress the process.

703

So you want to talk about another reason

why you got cancer is because you repress.

704

Yeah.

705

So you're telling me, feel those.

706

Yes, there is a, and again, part

of this feelings and needs list

707

can help with the identification.

708

you have to start with being able to

allow yourself to have your emotions.

709

That doesn't mean other people

have to be involved necessarily,

710

or that they need to do something.

711

You know, it's why I really, I

used to yell at some of my male

712

clients as a personal trainer,

because there are women totally

713

would manipulate them all the time.

714

And, and, you know, and I'd say, look,

women manipulate men emotionally.

715

Because you allow them to, because

you don't, because the minute a woman

716

cries, a man loses his shit and he's

like, Oh my God, what do I got to do?

717

And then of course, then the

man will say, I don't feel free.

718

I feel, I feel trapped by your

emotions that make me do things I don't

719

want to do so that you'll be calm.

720

Okay, that's bullshit.

721

Because if a man could learn the

same thing women need to learn,

722

which is how to hold the space

for someone else's emotions,

723

which means allow them to have it.

724

Allow them to go through the emotion.

725

Don't suppress it.

726

I had a cat die a couple months ago.

727

And when Doug and I, when it happened,

thank God we, it was like, not thank

728

God, but Sunday night into Monday,

we both didn't really have any work.

729

We didn't have to cancel any

plans, but we both grieved all day.

730

And we literally just cried and cried

and we took a little bit of a drive and,

731

you know, but we, it was a grieving day.

732

And then the next day he

had to get on a plane.

733

On a plane to go back to Baltimore to

see his mom that was already planned.

734

And he was like, this is not

a good time for me to leave.

735

And I said, well, maybe it is.

736

So then for the next four days, I

literally laid on the couch, watch

737

television and did cancel plans.

738

I did cancel stuff and

I cried and I wailed.

739

I just cried.

740

And I, I apologized to her.

741

I was so, I had so much grief about it

and I was so feeling so badly about it.

742

And I'm, you know, in my house

yelling and screaming and crying.

743

And I did it as to, to, and I never,

I didn't have to hold it back.

744

I just let it out.

745

And it was almost a blessing that

he wasn't here because I know him.

746

And a lot of men would do this too.

747

There's a moment in time, maybe

48 hours in maybe less than that,

748

where he would have been like,

okay, I have to go to work now.

749

And he wouldn't have had

to, he would have chosen to.

750

Because feeling your

feelings is not comfortable.

751

And, most of the time it makes you

feel out of control, but I, like,

752

I went through those four days.

753

So I had five days of crying and

screaming and yelling in my house.

754

And, but ever since then I've been fine

and I've been able to process her death

755

differently and, and be okay with it.

756

And I haven't cried once

about it since then.

757

And that's not saying that that

means I'm over it and, or whatever.

758

It just means that I.

759

I squeezed it out when it happened.

760

There was no repressing.

761

And too often we do not let ourselves

feel because we have to function.

762

We have to be a parent.

763

We have to go to work.

764

We have to do whatever is on the schedule.

765

And we don't give ourselves

a space to say, no, I can't

766

attend to any of that right now.

767

I had a tragedy happen.

768

I need to check out for a little while

and allow myself to feel sad and angry

769

and depressed and whatever the emotion is.

770

So this is why we don't have any

skills to do this because we get thrown

771

back into life and then we repress,

repress, repress, and the repression

772

creates disease quite honestly.

773

So, and I have to say, as you're talking

about this, I can't help but think of

774

these times when I found out about the

cancer and kind of when I didn't know,

775

you know, you don't really know how

bad it is right until they really go

776

in and you know, there were tests to do

and, I would go sit on a bale of hay.

777

and cry and scream.

778

And it was something I

haven't done forever.

779

So I mean, I think JJ, that's healing.

780

Oh my God.

781

Yeah.

782

Yeah.

783

Okay.

784

So now I'm going way over time and I

know you have a, you have a cutoff soon.

785

I have one other thing I want to ask

you about because I didn't address it.

786

On this worksheet, but I thought it

was so interesting that I journaled

787

all through this journey that I've

been through and I was writing about

788

my childhood and I thought that my

core wound was going to be abandoned.

789

Because this is so weird, but it was

before I knew about anything, right?

790

Before I knew how to get there.

791

My first two memories were when I

was about two years old, I was lost.

792

And these, there was a graduation.

793

I remember it completely.

794

There was a graduation party for

my uncle Jimmy and these teenagers

795

took me to this other cabin.

796

And then they just let me walk outside.

797

And I stood outside and I

had no idea where I was.

798

And I could see a lady mowing the lawn.

799

I remember a group of people walking

down the road and my favorite aunt

800

came and found me and picked me up.

801

And I remember my knee hurt

and it scratched on her wool.

802

So so I remember that.

803

Right.

804

And then my second memory is my mom

dropping me in water babies, like dropping

805

into the pool and being like terrified.

806

But that wasn't something that I don't

know why it didn't come up on this.

807

I don't know if I don't have

big feelings about it anymore.

808

You know, again, it goes

to the interpretation.

809

I had a client in the very first

beta group of the rewire and she.

810

Didn't have a lot of memories about

her, her parents or her dad, especially

811

cause he wasn't really around a lot.

812

And what kept coming up for her

was what other people would say,

813

Oh, your dad should be here.

814

He's abandoning you.

815

And but she never felt like, like she

filled out the sheet from hearsay.

816

It wasn't actually her own honest.

817

And what I said to her was, I don't

think your love language is quality time.

818

And so she ended up doing

the worksheet again.

819

and it changed because.

820

Yes, her dad wasn't around, but her

love language isn't quality time,

821

so it didn't matter, didn't hurt her

feelings for him not to be around, right?

822

So we can see something and say,

well, someone else might respond

823

to this in a really bad way,

but it didn't really bother me.

824

And that's okay.

825

There's nothing wrong with

you that didn't bother you.

826

You're interpreting it differently, right?

827

Yeah.

828

And maybe you trusted at

that moment, you'd be fine.

829

You were two.

830

You didn't have any reason not to trust.

831

Right.

832

Maybe now in retrospect,

you think that's horrible.

833

I'd never do that to my child.

834

cause you as a parent would feel

nervous for the child, but you as a

835

two year old self, who's connected

to source more than anybody is when

836

they're older, was not at all afraid

because you were like, whatever,

837

I'm just observing and being around.

838

Oh, there's my aunt.

839

That's cool.

840

There's Alicia.

841

I think it was a little, I was a

little bit afraid because I was like.

842

Where am I?

843

I mean, it was a, a, you know, a time,

it was quite a time because everybody

844

from the party went out and searching.

845

but I, yeah, it's just interesting

that those are my memories, but

846

they don't, it wasn't something

that came out on the worksheet.

847

and the more that you, are with it

and kind of work with it more kind

848

of stuff like taking someone through,

I mean, six months, five months into

849

a six month program, people would go

after working with something, grow.

850

Oh, actually, I don't think

it's abandoned that my core,

851

like my strongest core wound.

852

I think it's like, when you look at how

we're judging it, how we're observing

853

it versus, as you start to sort of work

with it, which is the fun part because

854

it gives reason and it makes you feel

empowered to do something about it.

855

The end of the bottom line here

is that it's not just going

856

back and digging stuff up.

857

you're getting clarity on why you

react the way you act and then

858

you're being given tools to do

something about it and change it.

859

Yep.

860

And one other thing that I want to say

that I really liked about it, which

861

I didn't expect, there's a section

where you talk about the good traits.

862

It's your parents.

863

gave me so much peace, till, and

I felt so good looking at that.

864

And so I was so grateful, for,

for what they did give me.

865

And so that was lovely.

866

And then the other thing, well, I'm

going to save that for my GiddyUp

867

segment that comes after this.

868

It's a, it's a, exercise that you

gave us to do in the evenings.

869

And I'm going to talk about that because

it was, It's been life changing for me.

870

So you have been changing my life.

871

And so I'm going to continue to work

through things and I want the audience

872

to know that we do have that affiliate

link and it's just JJ philzaines.

873

com Backslash Lisa L E S a correct.

874

And that'll be in the show notes.

875

Anybody can purchase the anatomy of

emotion course So I'm happy to throw

876

that in for anybody who's listening.

877

you can get the course, there's a payment

plan or a pay in full plan, and it's

878

a do it at your own pace and you can,

repeat it as many times as you need to,

879

or want to, which I would definitely

recommend repeating it at least once

880

or twice over a couple of years.

881

a couple of year period if you're really

sort of working on yourself because you'll

882

get more comfortable, more things will

come up, more memories will come up,

883

more, deeper awareness, understanding.

884

So it's called the roadmap

to emotional healing and you

885

can get it, judges, lesans.

886

com forward slash Lisa.

887

Yay.

888

Thanks so much for being here, for

coming back and for changing lives.

889

And it's fun.

890

I'm not, I mean, I'm not going to lie.

891

I feel like it's a gift.

892

It's fun.

893

I'm so thankful to have met

you and to have been here.

894

Been able to do this work and

I will continue to delve in.

895

So listeners, we'll keep talking about it.

896

So JJ, thank you.

897

Thank you, Lisa.

898

You take good care.