From Addiction to Entrepreneur: Ken Miller's Inspiring Journey

Hear the full conversation at https://player.captivate.fm/episode/73428ea9-244c-473c-ab9f-63f9144490a9/

See the full conversation at https://youtu.be/fZy3UJpjDII

In this episode of Social Skills Coaching, join us as we dive into the incredible story of Ken Miller, a three-time convicted felon turned successful entrepreneur and mentor. Ken shares his journey from a tumultuous childhood and years of addiction and imprisonment to becoming a renowned author, speaker, and businessman. He discusses the importance of mentorship in the Black male community, overcoming shame and guilt, the power of transparency, and the significance of having dreams and aspirations. Ken also offers practical advice on finding a mentor and maintaining focus and order in life. Tune in to hear Ken's inspiring message and learn how he transformed his life against all odds.

00:00 Introduction and Personal Background

00:47 Welcome to Social Skills Coaching

01:24 Ken Miller's Early Life and Education

03:01 Struggles and Redemption

03:57 Life in Ecuador

04:36 Ken's Book and the Power of Transparency

07:52 Mentorship and Its Importance

12:14 The Speaking Circuit

14:09 Daily Routine and Final Advice

I am a three time convicted felon.

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I've spent years behind bars for the

crimes that I committed as a drug

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addict with an Ivy League education.

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We have a real dearth of mentorship within

the black community, black male community.

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We have a problem with

black men not being there.

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I was in prison with them.

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I know we weren't there.

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I can do life.

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I'm not afraid of life.

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And most importantly,

I'm not afraid of me.

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I'm not in a, a inimical or an

adversarial relationship with self.

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I'm not.

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Russell Newton: Hello listeners, and

welcome back to Social Skills Coaching,

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where you become more confident, more

charismatic, and more productive.

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We're excited again to

introduce a guest with us today.

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We have Ken Miller, author, speaker,

entrepreneur, businessman, a long

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list of, uh, characteristics and, um,

adjectives that we could put in there.

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But Ken, as is the case, usually

I'm gonna ask you just to introduce

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yourself, present to us what we

would like to know, what you would

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like us to know about you, and we'll

take the conversation from there.

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Ken Miller: Sure.

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I appreciate that.

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Thank you for the opportunity

to be on your podcast.

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Let's start off with this.

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I'm 62 years old.

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I'm a black male.

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I live in Bellingham, Washington.

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I have a somewhat unique story as an

entrepreneur and as a business owner,

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but it's nothing that is so unique that

probably will not resonate with many

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of the people that are on this call.

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So lemme give you a quick overview of who

I am and maybe what makes my story unique.

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Again, I'm 62 years old,

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My mother was a white teenage runaway.

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My dad was a black.

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Male, of course.

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Um, pimp and drug dealer in New York City.

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I was put up for adoption at

birth age, you know, at birth.

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And for the next six years

I went through foster homes.

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So I'm what they would

call a foster child.

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I was adopted at age six

by Irene and Sam Miller.

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I moved from New York to Alaska.

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That's where I grew up.

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A lot of people know me as kin

from Alaska, and I was precocious.

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What I mean by that, I

was academically inclined.

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And by the time I was 17, I

was a National Merit scholar.

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I was accepted

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Russell Newton: Wow.

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Ken Miller: I went to Dartmouth College.

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While in Dartmouth, I, unfortunately,

I had a major, I majored in

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drinking, is what I did in fraternity

and probably, uh, minored in in

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drinking and majored in fraternity.

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And I got out with my degree.

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And went into the corporate world in 1984.

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Within two years, you could pretty

much say I was homeless on the streets,

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uh, as a drug addict and alcoholic,

I was to spend the next 20 years, 20,

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21 years homeless and on the streets.

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I am a three time convicted felon.

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I've spent years behind bars for the

crimes that I committed as a drug

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addict with an Ivy League education.

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I got out in 2007 for my last,

um, stint in the penitentiary.

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Did three years on my last bit

had no skills, none whatsoever.

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But within two to three years, I was

working in the field of development,

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which is fundraising for nonprofits.

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And in 2014 started my first company.

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And today I'm a very successful

businessman, entrepreneur.

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I speak all over the country.

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I write books.

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Um, I'm a, a landowner.

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I have property in South America,

I am also a husband, a grandfather,

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and a mentor to predominantly men

of color throughout this country.

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That's just a real quick overview.

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There was a lot that happened in between.

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Russell Newton: What is Ecuador like?

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Is it vastly different maybe from

the states or from other, other

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South American countries that we

might think we know something about?

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Or is, is life there basically

the same as it is here?

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Ken Miller: Life is basically

the same everywhere in the world.

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You know,

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Russell Newton: Thank you.

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Ken Miller: Their families.

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People are trying to, um, get

ahead those that choose to do that.

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Um, you know, the truth is, is that

the human condition entails, you know,

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assuming roles and or, uh, behavior that

hopefully will be, you know, positive

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for whatever your dream or aspiration is.

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Russell Newton: one of the things

you mentioned was your book.

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Let's, uh, let's go

into that a little bit.

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Tell us about your book, who it's,

who it's written for, what it

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covers, uh, what we can learn from

it and so forth, if you would.

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Ken Miller: Who is written for?

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The number one person it

was written for was me,

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Russell Newton: Uh,

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Ken Miller: me.

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Russell Newton: okay.

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Yeah.

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No, I understand that.

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Ken Miller: do you say that?

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The reason I

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Russell Newton: I.

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Ken Miller: is I had made a commitment to

myself five or six years ago to write a

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book, and it took me three years to write

this book for different reasons, but it

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took three years to get it published.

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And I'm not saying it's a game changer,

but it's a value added because one thing,

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and you will, you'll see this Russell,

I am very honest, I am very transparent.

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I have no secrets.

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I have no secrets.

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There's things I will not share

about my family, but about me.

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I'll share about anything that's

happened to me because I had to take

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away the power of the negative secret.

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And that's a big part of

the book is taking away the

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power of the negative secret.

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Russell Newton: That's

an interesting phrase.

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I'm gonna, I'm jotting that down

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Ken Miller: so let's talk about the

negative secret, because I don't probably

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incorporate it every day in my life

because I don't have to talk about things

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that at one time were a negative secret.

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So a negative secret is

something that you hide.

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From others or from the external world.

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Sometimes you hide it from

the internal in your head.

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It's a secret, but it's a truth.

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At least that's what you

interpreted as a truth.

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This happened to me, or I did this.

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And if you knew this, you would

not, uh, in with me or integrate

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with me or connect with me.

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Therefore, uh, it would cause

repercussions either emotionally

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and sometimes physically to me.

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number one.

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It affects your self-esteem because

you're always running around in fear.

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Fear of them

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Russell Newton: Okay.

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Ken Miller: out, fear of it slipping out,

fear of another external party telling.

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This group that Ken did this, I did that.

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Okay.

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It is fear of bringing it up into my

consciousness, and therefore I need

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to deal with that negative feeling.

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So what I talk a lot about

is shame based versus

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Russell Newton: interesting you,

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Ken Miller: behavior.

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Russell Newton: yeah.

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I wrote, that's one of the phrases I

wanted to come back to because you, you

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mentioned it, but at that caught my ear.

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Tell us, uh, yeah, please continue.

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Sorry for the interruption.

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Ken Miller: the real quick and

dirty version is guilt said I did.

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says I am okay.

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One says that I did something

less than the other.

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One says, I am less than.

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Okay.

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And when you become shame based is

much more powerful than guilt based.

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I am guilty.

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I pled guilty every time I

went in front of the court.

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Every time I had three felonies.

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I pled guilty.

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I was guilty.

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I knew I did it.

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I'm not gonna fight it.

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I mean, get me to prison.

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Let's move on.

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Okay.

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Shame says, I am less than because

I engaged or did this behavior.

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Russell Newton: how would an

individual listening today find a min?

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How would they know that

they're getting what they need?

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Ken Miller: So let's,

let's start with this.

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Let, let me give you an

example of how do I mentor.

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I've been mentoring for

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Russell Newton: please.

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Ken Miller: I've

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Russell Newton: Great.

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Ken Miller: over 60 men, um, 95 or

seven black men of color, and of choice.

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I don't mentor women, that's number one.

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and that's difficult for women.

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I want women who are on this.

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It's difficult many times to find

a mentor within the same sex.

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If you are aspiring to a

position and or stature within a

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community, uh, a work community.

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Because a lot of times there aren't the,

the women haven't reached that level

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CEO or I wanna be the CDO, whatever it

may be, CFO of a larger corporation.

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I'm looking for a mentor

to help me on that journey.

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Okay.

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Having said that, number one thing as

a mentor is I have a responsibility.

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First of all, mentoring 100% is free.

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Period.

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No.

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If, ands, or buts about that coaching

is a paid, or you could quote unquote

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coach someone for free, but coaching

usually has remuneration involved with it.

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Just pay involved.

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Okay.

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I coach and I've mentored.

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Um, the number one thing I do as a

mentor is this, I engender dreams.

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Lemme say that again.

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I engender dreams.

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The first thing that I say to the

individual is that number one.

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I am the mentor.

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You are the mentee.

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Let's understand that.

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Are you comfortable with that?

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I take lead in this.

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I'm the mentor.

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I've been there, I've done that.

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And if I don't, I probably know who has.

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I can get that information.

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Okay.

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I say that number one.

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two, I look them dead in the

eyes or I look them in the eyes

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and I say, very simply, my goal

is to engender your dreams.

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What are your dreams?

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And I shut up.

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And I shut up.

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That's real important.

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And I've had guys sit there for

five minutes because someone has

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taken away their ability to dream.

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Let's keep it real simple.

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Trust is a belief and a

perceived future action.

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Lemme say that again.

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Trust

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Russell Newton: it.

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Ken Miller: a belief and

a perceived future action.

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If I come to you, say, Hey, I'm

gonna go to the store and grab you

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a soda, I believe that your future

action is that you are going to

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go to the store and buy me a soda.

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I trust you.

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When we do our marriage vows, one

of the part of the marriage vows is

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that I will not engage in physical

or sexual in, in endeavors with

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another person outside the marriage.

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Trust.

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So I believe anything with my wife,

there is a belief and a perceived future

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action that the only person that I will

engage with in physical is my wife.

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Okay, cool.

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That's trust.

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And so can, if you verbalize something

and then on the back end, don't do it.

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That lays my trust because I had

a perceived future action that

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you were gonna show up for the

podcast on time you had one.

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Okay?

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And when that doesn't happen, it gives

me credence that is not integrity and

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or now there's reasons things happen.

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I'm so amenable to that,

understandable that and a lot of times.

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I just ask people, you

know, to let me know.

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If you can't me, just let me know.

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I got a, if you saw my calendar, I

mean, I have a VA that handles my

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calendar, but if you saw my calendar,

you'd understand, that again, my time

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is valuable, but you know, I trust

that you are, and default to trust.

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I do, by nature, I've chosen not

even by nature, by experience and

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by belief in that, uh, good the end

will happen as a default to trust.

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Russell Newton: I'm interested in maybe

lightening things up a little bit as well.

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Tell us about the lecture circuit.

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What's it like?

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Ken Miller: So first of all, to

understand it's a world in itself.

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love to use the term community, so

I belong to different communities.

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Okay.

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And within those communities,

I have a certain stature, okay?

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That goes back to respect, which

we may or may not talk about, the

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speaking community is very large.

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There are individuals at the top of

the pyramid, and there's individuals

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that are, at the base of the pyramid.

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And so let's say this, there's

approximately 8,000 conferences,

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associations, and groups that

you could speak at and to speak,

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ah, man, this's a lot too.

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I could talk about this for next day.

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We'll just say this, they're

what you think, which are what

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we call keynotes or plenaries.

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are the individuals that come on

stage and, and speak to the whole

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group usually, or the great majority.

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And then there were, are

called breakout sessions.

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Russell Newton: Okay.

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Right.

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Ken Miller: I do a lot of breakouts,

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is, there's two aspects I always talk

about in the speaking world and the

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two aspects is the business of speaking

and then the art of, and science of

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speaking stage craft, we'll call it.

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But a lot of people are great speakers,

but they are poor business people.

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Russell Newton: That opens

up a lot of possibility too.

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Um, we we're, we're coming in on an hour

and I want have to be careful of our time.

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if you have anything you want to a,

a way to contact you, information

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where they can hear you, where they

can find you, where they can contact

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you about, uh, being a mentor.

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Um, if you'll give us rundown there

on those two things, however that

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comes to your mind, skip, whatever

you don't want to answer in there and

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move on to something else is fine.

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Uh, and then give us a word of

advice that you might want to

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leave our, in our listeners' ear.

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And, uh, we'll close it out after that.

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Ken Miller: Okay, so I'm

a very ordered person.

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Very ordered.

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I'm looking around my desk right now.

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You know, I have two computer screens.

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I got my sure microphone, I have my

ring light for the podcast, all I

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have is one pen in my office, one pen.

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I have one docket, eight

and a half by 11 pad.

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Every day I come in, I make my list.

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I date it, what day it is.

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I give myself a word of inspiration.

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Mine today is focus because

I'm just back in from vacation.

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I put my start time and I make my list.

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start my day that way.

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I run five businesses,

five I have assistants.

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Okay?

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I the VAs.

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fact, one of my companies is offshore

virtual assistants that are trained in ai.

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I am big into ai.

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That's a whole nother podcast.

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And I've done those.

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Russell Newton: Right.

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Ken Miller: Um, I work

out four days a week.

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I used to be a lifter,

but those days are gone.

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Uh, have to do something in penitentiary.

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I, how do I put this?

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I don't pray a lot.

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Let me put that preface to that.

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But I have the ability to

go into prayer quickly.

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I have a whole talk I do

on what I call gap control.

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And I just wanna go into that

just real quick to understand

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why when I come to the prayer.

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gap control is one of the most

important skills, especially for men.

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You say, why does it have to be for men?

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Because we are violent by nature.

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We are violent by nature.

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So anyway, I go into prayer.

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I'm very organized.

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Order is probably one of my favorite

wor words or concepts, and that's

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one of the things that I do is

I bring order from disorder.

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a lot of times there's disorder in the

head and of course in our physical,

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but I at least have, remember I

said my word today was focused.

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I have very little distractions.

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So I am focused.

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I control my environment.

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I make the list.

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That's probably the key component.

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And I stay focused.

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I try not to get too distracted.

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I work out, I try to eat well,

and I just try to love on people.

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And in return, I've been blessed.

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Number one, if you would like to learn

more about me or hear me speak more

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on this, go to my YouTube channel.

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So I have a YouTube channel.

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Ken Miller is a very good one.

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And then you can also go

to ken miller speaks.com.

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I have a book called Becoming Kin.

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It's on Amazon, audio books, the above.

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So that's becoming kin.

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Uh, it says a Black Man's Journey from

the Ivy Leagues to and back again.

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And then um, also, I, I have a

couple other websites, but let's

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go with ken miller speaks.com,

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and then of course you can

do all the social media.

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Instagram, I'm really big on,

and then, uh, Facebook and

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also LinkedIn and feel free.

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The other thing is feel free to

contact me, anyone who's hearing

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this, and I answer, I answer yes.

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I have virtual assists.

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I have four of them, but I answer

all emails and phone calls.

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any words of wisdom

that I'd like to leave.

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The on and I wanna speak.

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So if anybody has anything about speaking,

I want to speak free or for pay, I just

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love to speak, uh, the words of wisdom.

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Get a mentor.

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And the way you get a mentor, you

find someone that you see something

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in them that you would like.

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Um, and I'm more talking about

how they walk this earth,

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how they carry themselves.

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When people see me, one of the things that

they right away is I'm very confident.

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And I'm very, and the

world is even competent.

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I'm very competent to life.

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I can deal with anything in life.

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dealt with deaths.

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I've dealt with financial, I've dealt

with prison, I've dealt with suicide.

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I've dealt with attempted

murders, I've dealt with life.

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I can do life.

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I'm not afraid of life.

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And most importantly,

I'm not afraid of me.

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I'm not in a, a inimical or an

adversarial relationship with self.

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I'm not.

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I'm not.

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I like me.

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I'm a good dude.

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I'm a kind of gentle man.

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Okay.

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So number one, if you can't get a

mentor, um, get someone outside.

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Counsel is what I call it.

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And the way you do that is you go

up with someone and say, would you

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be willing or open to mentoring me?

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I'm looking for a mentor.

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sometimes they won't, but they'll know

someone the number one thing is to ask is

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to have the courage, that courage to Okay?

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And then the other thing that I would

strongly recommend to have a dream.

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And the dream may be just

to be a better husband.

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The dream may be just to be a better

father or a, a better wife or whatever.

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Maybe that may be the dream,

but have something to aspire to.

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And then reward yourself along the way.

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Uh, give yourself allowance to

make mistakes and to bounce back.

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I wouldn't even have my talk

if it wasn't for resilience.

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Okay.

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which is the bounce back from the setback.

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The comeback from the setback.

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leave yourself and then if, if you

do this is, leave with this one.

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This a hundred different ones I could

talk about, but I'll leave with this one

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if possible.

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Engage with a spiritual entity.

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But I wanna under, I make

sure you understand what I

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mean by a spiritual presence.

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spiritual presence has to modify behavior.

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me say that one more time because

that's how important I believe this is.

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The spiritual entity or presence or

God, whatever you may want to define it

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as, has to modify action and behavior.

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If not, it's hollow.

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Russell Newton: Thank you very much.

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Thanks for being with us today.

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Uh.

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Ken Miller: you.

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Russell Newton: Listeners,

thanks for joining us and

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we'll see you again next week