If you’ve ever wondered why your teen seems on edge or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Anxiety in teens can feel daunting to understand and even harder to navigate. In this episode, I break down the basics of anxiety, what might be going on with your teen, and how you can truly support them. Whether it’s about recognising the signs, fostering empathy, or knowing when to seek help, this episode is packed with practical advice you can put into action today.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding the difference between stress and anxiety: Stress is often tied to specific events and can dissipate once the issue resolves. Anxiety, however, can linger and feel harder to manage.
• Why teens are more prone to anxiety: During adolescence, critical brain development and life pressures make teens more vulnerable to intense emotions.
• Common triggers for anxiety in teens: These can include schoolwork, social pressures, family dynamics, and even global issues like climate change.
• The importance of empathy: Listening without dismissing your teen’s feelings is key. Simple phrases like, "That sounds really hard," can go a long way in showing support.
• Helping teens build resilience: Letting them face challenges and problem-solve on their own, while ensuring their safety, can foster confidence.
• Recognising when professional help is needed: If anxiety disrupts daily life, it might be time to seek support from a mental health professional.
• Normalising therapy and self-care: Sharing your own experiences with therapy or coping strategies can help teens feel comfortable seeking help.

Resources:

• Connected Teens Course: Learn how to strengthen your connection with your teen while respecting their individuality. 
• Book Recommendation: Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté – A helpful guide on supporting your teen’s emotional development.
• Related Episode: Why Does My Teen Feel Overwhelmed and What Can I Do to Support Them– Discover how to identify and address overwhelm in teens.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Why Does My Teen Seem So Anxious, and How Can I Help?

[00:00:30] And if you have a question that you want answered, get in touch. I'd love to hear from you. And I'll try and answer it on the podcast.

[00:00:46] I'll pop a link to that in the show notes. But the thing is. Anxiety's a feeling that we all have. And while I love that there is more recognition around mental health and emotions. And there was when I was growing up. And hopefully it keeps heading in a positive direction. There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to some of the language.

[00:01:28] They're very different things. So anxiety is a normal, natural feeling. Feeling anxious. It doesn't mean you're having a panic attack. So there's a lot of language that still needs to be. Unpacked and understood for people. So hopefully we can bust some of those myths today, and I can give you some things to look out for when anxiety is normal and healthy. And when it might require a little bit of extra support. Anxiety.

[00:02:10] So if their teen is feeling all of those things, We want to try and support them and keep things.calm.

[00:02:36] Public speaking in particular.

[00:03:01] So stress can feel kind of cumulative as well and anxiety. Can be afterward. So I might feel, stressed about. A particular project maybe have gotten a lots of podcasts episodes to edit, and once they kind of done. That stresses over anxiety might be worrying about my gosh. Did I say it right? Did I do it well? Did I have spell check?

[00:03:48] So it gives caregivers, parents, teachers, educators, a really good opportunity to help them along the way to know what to expect, to know what feelings are okay. That they're valid. [00:04:00] And how to cope with some of their challenging feelings and thoughts. With that dismissing that and with. It was support so that they know how to do it in the future. So what causes anxiety?

[00:04:42] They worry about what comes after school. Whether it's university career choices. Uh, adult hood in general. They might be worried about their, um, future prospects. I mean, the, hear the news, they see what's happening out in the world with climate change, with. Political unrest. I mean, there's a lot happening. They can see this and that can create some level of uncertainty and anxiety. Some of them. We're really impacted by COVID and the lockdowns. And there. I probably worried about something like that happening again about their choices and they freedom is being taken away. And there's also family dynamics or tensions at home high parent expectations. Maybe parents are separating or re partnering or having to move house or losing jobs like. These are life things.

[00:05:47] That goes on to get rid of all of these obstacles. It's not possible, but it's still learn that anxiety is a normal feeling. And that it might be something your teen is experiencing and some ways that you can support them. So pressure from parents that can lead to anxiety. And this is one of the hardest ones, because I think if your parents are the ones who you feel anxious to disappoint or there's high parental expectation or pressure. It also means that they're probably not the ones that you want to go to for support to manage that anxiety.

[00:06:35] So repeated reminders and demands that can make them feel overwhelmed, especially when they're maybe already feeling anxious or they they're really doing the best that they can. And they might feel that you think they're lazy or responsible, you might even say those things. So that can be really impactful to them as well. And when you communicate with them, It's maybe offering too many solutions, so they might come home and say, I got a B plus on. An English. Essay.

[00:07:16] It can show up in a number of ways we're looking for physical symptoms. So they might complain of headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, difficulty sleeping. , those physical symptoms are real and they can be the body's response to stress and anxiety. You might see their normalise change. So emotional. Withdrawal. , the retreat into their room or refusing to engage in certain things they used to enjoy. And then we might see perfectionism and overthinking.

[00:07:59] But the [00:08:00] parent has no idea. You might just say they see that and think, oh, they're being lazy or they're not trying when in fact they're so worried about getting it wrong. That they're paralyzed by that fear. That's not being lazy. So it's a very important distinction there. Another thing I've seen. And I've talked about this in some previous episodes is not allowing for what I call dignity of risk. And that is overprotecting them to the point where they haven't had to learn to solve problems on their own. And I love the book. Hold on to your kids by Campbell Martay talks about this a little bit as well.

[00:08:58] Unless safety is a concern, right? If it's really unsafe, then you might say, look, just catch a taxi or pay for it and get here. Or. Where are you all organize a new boat or whatever that's different, but if it's just, they've got the time, it's not urgent. It's letting them take some breaths, figure it out. Maybe they go to a conductor, they look at the map, they use Google maps.

[00:09:32] Safe for them. Okay. So we don't want to just let them run wild and do whatever. That's not what I'm saying at all. it's allowing opportunities to make mistakes. And to learn that they can do it because that builds resilience, that builds confidence that they can handle something that's really important.

[00:09:53] So teens need to feel heard. And if your teen is saying things to you, like you just don't listen to me. , then maybe that's an area of improvement that you can make is being a more empathetic listener. Not judging, not dismissing. If they express anxiety. Focus on listening with empathy rather than offering solutions. Now empathy doesn't mean you have to agree, and it doesn't mean that you endorse or you think that that's also true.

[00:10:40] No wonder you feel disappointed when you tried so hard to hand in that work on time. Yeah, it's not around challenging that. Or if you just did this, if we just did that or I can help you next time. It's empathizing because this is how they learn. To sit with that feeling. They learn to tolerate the discomfort that comes with feeling anxious because it's really, really uncomfortable.

[00:11:12] Create a calm environment. They're more likely to open up about their anxiety when they feel safe and calm. And that's emotionally safe without you trying to jump in and fix things without invalidating belittling or judging or criticizing. And then I want you to think about how do you name the emotions. Yeah.

[00:11:46] I wonder if you're a bit scared of what might happen. Okay. This language slowly sprinkling that in, helps them begin to understand and manage their emotions better. Labeling them. Labeling the feeling the emotion. [00:12:00] Actually helps us have some, a bit more control over it and can feel this overwhelming.

[00:12:17] So how can we manage the anxiety? we can encourage self care and relaxation activities, finding hobbies together, but the timing has to be. Careful here. And it's very easy to just say, well, have you tried an app? If you'd done this, have you done that? And again, offer solutions, but just dump it all on someone. They might need support to do that.

[00:13:08] So. That anxiety, that baseline can be shifted so we can feel a little bit more robust if we've moved our bodies. Uh, hobbies, mindfulness practices. All of these are really great things, too. And to let them see you doing some of this as well. So if you come home after a big day, And, you know, you can tell it someone's a bit anxious or a little bit twitchy. you might be able to say, look, I'm going to go for a run around the block, or I'm going to go for a walk. Just so I can kind of process some of my anxiety. So you can overt what you're doing.

[00:14:04] I have different herbal flavors and I'll sit down with a pot of tea, have a couple of cups. Read a book that seems to help me at the end of the day. So you might be able to bring in some of those little traditions or things as a family.

[00:14:27] So avoid dismissing their anxiety, even if what they're anxious about seems really small to you. Remember that those feelings are valid. And you don't have to fix it. You don't have to take it away if they feel anxious because. They going to school tomorrow and they've had a bit of a rupture with a friendship group.

[00:15:11] So instead of dismissing their worries, reassure them that it's okay to feel anxious that you're there to support them. And even say, yeah, that makes sense. That that would be anxiety provoking. Yeah, I can see why you're nervous. And that's it. We don't need to fix it. We don't need to take the anxiety away. That's not your job. It's impossible to do.

[00:15:52] You don't need to be like, well, they're going to be, you gotta be tough and life is going to throw you all these things. So I'm just going to play devil's advocate [00:16:00] here and say, well, what about this? And what about that? Because then where is safe. If the world is already so hard and tough and difficult, and home is trying to prepare you for that in a tough way, then you have nowhere that you can actually decompress that you can feel safe, supported. That can cushion you when you fall.

[00:16:20] So when should you seek professional help? Signs that anxiety might need support. Now, this is very, very different for everybody. And you might need to consult with your own general practitioner or mental health professional in your area if you've got some concerns, but if you're noticing things like. Their anxiety is affecting their ability to function in day-to-day life.

[00:16:57] If you've gone in the past or if you've explored couples therapy, or if you've gone to some sort of coaching or what kind of psychology support or group program. You can mention that as well, that can help normalise. Reaching out for help and promote some positive help-seeking normalise. Thank you for listening.