Shownotes
[18+] Jace is a seemingly normal high school senior in a loving relationship. However, he has a painful secret: he has no interest in sex.
Today’s story is the first of two parts of “An Alien in Our Midst” by Ty Fox, a furry author who focuses on telling stories centered around LGBT+ experiences. He has recently published a full-length gay romance novel, Gravitational Pull, which is now available for purchase. You can find more of his stories on his SoFurry account.
Read by Solomon Harries, Cuddly Badger Dad.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/18-an-alien-in-our-midst-by-ty-fox-part-1-of-2
Transcripts
Today's story concerns adult subject matter for mature listeners.
Speaker:If that's not your cup of tea,
Speaker:or there are youngsters listening,
Speaker:please skip this one
Speaker:and come back for another story another time.
Speaker:You’re listening to Pride Month on The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today’s story is the first of two parts of
Speaker:“An Alien in Our Midst”
Speaker:by Ty Fox, a furry author who focuses on telling stories centered around
Speaker:LGBT+ experiences.
Speaker:He has recently published a full-length gay romance novel,
Speaker:Gravitational Pull, which
Speaker:is now available for purchase.
Speaker:You can find more of his stories on his SoFurry account.
Speaker:We can attest that the question has been asked:
Speaker:why do you make, at the fireside,
Speaker:so big a deal out of pride month?
Speaker:Why load it with so many stories?
Speaker:The answer is no mystery.
Speaker:The purpose of this gathering, of these readings,
Speaker:is that stories otherwise left untold and forgotten may be spoken, and may be heard.
Speaker:And these are stories that must
Speaker:be told. Read by Solomon Harries,
Speaker:Cuddly Badger Dad. Please enjoy
Speaker:“An Alien in Our Midst”
Speaker:by Ty Fox, Part 1
Speaker:of 2 Medication taken – check.
Speaker:Teeth brushed – check.
Speaker:Door closed – check. Door locked – check.
Speaker:Staring up at the blank ceiling, I visualize my mental checklist of nightly rituals
Speaker:and imagine myself striking through each one with deliberate pen strokes
Speaker:until only one item remains.
Speaker:Normally this is something I look forward to,
Speaker:or at the very least
Speaker:go about with perfunctory ease.
Speaker:Tonight, it feels like a demon to be slain.
Speaker:Take a deep breath, Jace.
Speaker:You can do this. Letting out a heavy sigh,
Speaker:I sink into my office chair and swivel around to my open laptop.
Speaker:With one paw, I mechanically navigate the trackpad through a series of nested bookmarks folders –
Speaker:secret, hidden folders
Speaker:of saved websites with contents so strange and perverse
Speaker:that it’s shocking they exist at all.
Speaker:With the other, I pull down the waistband of my boxers and
Speaker:begin to idly grope over my half-erect member.
Speaker:The anticipation is killing me,
Speaker:and not just because of what I have planned.
Speaker:In the three-day break I’ve taken from masturbating, my horniness has reached
Speaker:previously unseen levels.
Speaker:The ‘need’ had become so intense at seemingly random times today
Speaker:that I doubt I can last through tomorrow.
Speaker:That means I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
Speaker:In the seconds it takes me to get to full mast,
Speaker:I decide on one of my more well-used sites,
Speaker:one with several sets of pictures that have gotten me off countless times in the past.
Speaker:No sooner had I clicked on one than my cock suddenly spasms and
Speaker:a bit of pre dribbles onto my paw.
Speaker:I bite my lower lip and tense my body,
Speaker:forcing the oncoming orgasm back.
Speaker:No. Not yet. My hiatus may have worked a bit too well.
Speaker:At this rate, I won’t last long enough to even start this ‘experiment.’
Speaker:I take a moment to look up at the ceiling,
Speaker:giving my body time to relax, then go back to looking at the screen and
Speaker:stroking myself off,
Speaker:a bit less insistently now.
Speaker:The picture is an artistic rendering rather than a photograph.
Speaker:A female hare is straddling a male jackal,
Speaker:both of them clearly turned on, but what she’s doing with him falls far, far outside the range of what would be considered
Speaker:‘normal’. What my friends describe doing with their girlfriends in excruciating detail,
Speaker:what I’ve gleaned from my incidental contact with
Speaker:mainstream porn – it’s
Speaker:nothing like this.
Speaker:And yet, letting out a snorty exhale,
Speaker:I close my eyes and imagine myself in the jackal’s position.
Speaker:The hare, a lustful glint in her eyes,
Speaker:staring down at me,
Speaker:preparing to… More pre squirts out –
Speaker:I’m pumping too hard again.
Speaker:But I’m primed now. Time to switch.
Speaker:As though I’m flipping a channel, I wipe the taboo fantasy from my mind
Speaker:and swap in one where my position is reversed.
Speaker:Below me, my girlfriend Dani is splayed out,
Speaker:staring up at me with a hunger in her eyes that
Speaker:I’ve pretended not to notice recently.
Speaker:Unlike those times, her slim body is naked,
Speaker:the sleek fur of her bare chest and belly
Speaker:glistening in a dim, moonlit room.
Speaker:There’s no doubt that she’s a gorgeous doe.
Speaker:That’s never been the issue.
Speaker:Leaning over her, I bury my face in her neck,
Speaker:taking a deep inhale of what I imagine her feminine scent to be –
Speaker:she’s never been so turned on around me to truly know what it smells like,
Speaker:but I do my best.
Speaker:I let out a low growl
Speaker:and allow my paw to slowly slide down to cup her breast.
Speaker:Soft and supple, I circle around her nipple with a single finger,
Speaker:coaxing her to let out a cry and
Speaker:arch her back into me.
Speaker:Back in reality, I feel my erection softening.
Speaker:Shit, shit, shit! Feeling an all-too-familiar twinge of panic, I start to pump harder.
Speaker:It helps just barely enough to get me hard again.
Speaker:I’m losing the moment, so I decide to jump ahead in the scene.
Speaker:Her vulva glistens mere inches away from my muzzle,
Speaker:and the most pleasant scent I can think of suffuses my projected self’s nostrils.
Speaker:I gently, carefully slide two fingers in,
Speaker:feeling her body heat as she clenches around
Speaker:me, then pull them out.
Speaker:I rub her cum over my primed cock and slide it in.
Speaker:It’s like when I use my paw but
Speaker:infinitely more pleasurable –
Speaker:the ultimate pleasure…
Speaker:And yet it feels so intensely
Speaker:wrong. I clench my teeth in real life and begin to buck my hips into her in my fantasy.
Speaker:Imagining her steadily approaching orgasm with each thrust –
Speaker:twitching, moaning, calling my name –
Speaker:keeps me at this level of arousal as my paw strokes become frantic.
Speaker:The pre has begun to dry,
Speaker:and now that it’s no longer leaking,
Speaker:the pads of my paw begin to feel sticky rather than slick over my length.
Speaker:I try to picture myself climaxing inside of her
Speaker:and her around me.
Speaker:It’s alien – I’m dissociated from the sensations
Speaker:even though I find them wonderful in the abstract.
Speaker:I’m squeezing and rubbing up and down my member so insistently
Speaker:that I feel the sensitive skin begin to chafe,
Speaker:but there’s nothing I can do to keep it from continuing to go down.
Speaker:Desperate, I make a last-ditch effort –
Speaker:glancing up at the still image on the screen before me,
Speaker:I swap out the hare for Dani in my forbidden fantasy,
Speaker:licking her lips,
Speaker:about to do something intensely strange yet indescribably arousing to me.
Speaker:But it’s too late.
Speaker:The soreness from my rubbed-red cock becomes too distracting,
Speaker:and as hot as that picture is, it’s too strange and shameful to imagine my real-life girlfriend in it.
Speaker:As my member continues to retract into my sheath, I give up just like all of the other times I’ve tried this.
Speaker:No matter what I do,
Speaker:it ends the same way.
Speaker:Fucking years of this.
Speaker:I slam the lid of my laptop shut and slump into my chair,
Speaker:panting heavily. A part of me still needs that release, but the stress and frustration and despair are overwhelming.
Speaker:I want to scream, but it’s midnight and my parents have long since gone to bed.
Speaker:I love Dani so much.
Speaker:Nothing makes me as happy as being together with her.
Speaker:Everything about her draws me to her:
Speaker:her looks, her humor, her smarts.
Speaker:The way we can talk about almost anything for hours that feel like only minutes.
Speaker:The way she looks at me from across the room.
Speaker:The warmth I feel when her body is nestled against mine.
Speaker:Everything…except for one thing:
Speaker:I don’t want to have sex with her.
Speaker:What the fuck is wrong with me? * * *
Speaker:Bzzt…click. The glass door to Dani’s apartment building unlocks as she buzzes me in.
Speaker:With a grunt, I press the wheelchair-accessible button with an elbow to get it to swing open –
Speaker:I have no free paws between the bouquet of roses, the heart-shaped box of chocolates,
Speaker:and the bag of Chinese takeout –
Speaker:then slip inside as quickly as I can to get out of the arctic air.
Speaker:Hers is the first unit to the right.
Speaker:I wait with bated breath and my heart aflutter as I wait the few seconds it takes for her to get to the door.
Speaker:When she opens it, her verdant eyes and coy smile send a wave of excitement through me.
Speaker:With what I hope is a cavalier grin,
Speaker:I try the pickup line I’ve been pondering since I hopped in the car to drive over.
Speaker:“Is this really the right place?
Speaker:I’m here for a date with my girlfriend, but there’s no way someone as beautiful as you would go out with a guy like me.”
Speaker:She places a hand on her hip and raises an eyebrow at me.
Speaker:“Is that really the best you’ve got?”
Speaker:I flush. “I’m not really good with words…I
Speaker:just love you.” Smiling more broadly, she leans in to give me a peck on the lips.
Speaker:“See, that’s much better.”
Speaker:She looks over the various items I’m struggling to carry.
Speaker:“These all for me?
Speaker:You really shouldn’t have,
Speaker:Jace.” My tail wags behind me as I beam down at her.
Speaker:“Happy to! But it would be nice if I could put them down somewhere.”
Speaker:“Oh!” Her eyes widen.
Speaker:“I’m sorry, come on in, please.”
Speaker:Still wagging, I sidle past her as she steps back to let me in,
Speaker:careful not to bump the roses on the doorframe. I half-dash over to the kitchen
Speaker:to carefully set everything down on the table,
Speaker:then walk back to the living room.
Speaker:Hooking an arm around my girlfriend’s waist with a big grin on my face, I coo,
Speaker:“Happy Valentine’s Day, Dani.”
Speaker:I pull her small body into mine and kiss her more deeply.
Speaker:I’ve never struggled with kissing.
Speaker:I enjoy the tightness of the embrace, the taste of her lips on mine,
Speaker:the warmth in my chest as she melts against me.
Speaker:Maybe it’s not something that’s ever excited me in that way,
Speaker:but it still fulfills a need within me.
Speaker:It doesn’t hurt that she often tells me I’m a really good kisser.
Speaker:When we break it off a few moments later, we’re both panting and glowing.
Speaker:Leaning in to give me a nuzzle, she purrs,
Speaker:“Happy Valentine’s Day, Jace.”
Speaker:We stand there for a few moments longer –
Speaker:my paws on her hips,
Speaker:her arms looped around my neck –
Speaker:before I finally let out an awkward cough.
Speaker:“Maybe we should eat before the food gets cold?”
Speaker:I can feel my stomach starting to rumble as the aroma of the Chinese food grows stronger.
Speaker:She gives me a little half-smile and slides out of my grasp,
Speaker:but not before giving my flat stomach a poke.
Speaker:Clicking her tongue, she teases, “You’re always hungry, mutt.
Speaker:All right, why don’t you lay out the food on the coffee table and I’ll go put the flowers in a vase and grab plates and stuff.”
Speaker:It doesn’t take us very long to get set.
Speaker:Minutes later we’re sitting side by side on her parents’ two-seater,
Speaker:me scarfing down a plate of lo mein and beef with broccoli
Speaker:and her flipping through the streaming options on the TV.
Speaker:I’m glad her parents are so chill –
Speaker:there’s no way mine would have left the two of us alone while they went out on their own Valentine’s date.
Speaker:They’re probably not so chill that they’d let me stay over, but that works to my favor.
Speaker:I’d welcome the privacy,
Speaker:but…I don’t know what I’d do if I had to spend a whole night in bed with Dani.
Speaker:I’m about a quarter of the way through the two entrees I ordered for myself when she asks,
Speaker:“Hey, how do you feel about La La Land?
Speaker:If you like musicals, you should really see it at least once.
Speaker:It’s a favorite of mine.”
Speaker:I nod, my mouth too full of noodles to say yes.
Speaker:Truth be told, musicals really aren’t my thing,
Speaker:but I’m not going to argue – tonight is for her, after all.
Speaker:We settle in as the movie kicks off almost immediately with an upbeat number.
Speaker:I pry my eyes away from the screen to steal a quick glance to the side as Dani nibbles at her food –
Speaker:she’s smiling serenely with her eyes fixed forward.
Speaker:I relax and let myself sink into the couch cushions and go back to watching.
Speaker:It’s so dumb – people prancing around on cars and
Speaker:singing about the promise Los Angeles holds –
Speaker:but I can’t help but find the energy a little infectious.
Speaker:We finish eating at about the same time.
Speaker:She gets up to dim the lights,
Speaker:leaving them just bright enough for me to make out the silhouettes of the various knick-knacks and picture frames in the display cases on either side of the TV.
Speaker:She curls up on the couch when she returns,
Speaker:resting her head on my shoulder with a soft sigh.
Speaker:I glance over at her again.
Speaker:She really is the most gorgeous doe I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Speaker:The white speckles on her otherwise tawny-furred cheeks are still slightly visible beneath the overhead lamp – I’ve
Speaker:always loved them, as much as they seem to embarrass her.
Speaker:Her body is so small, so delicate, so perfect.
Speaker:And she’s here, nestled up against my too-thin, too-scruffy self,
Speaker:her breathing slow and
Speaker:regular and content.
Speaker:I follow rising and falling of her slight chest.
Speaker:Her breasts are right there.
Speaker:I could so easily reach over and cup one in my paw.
Speaker:She probably even wants me to.
Speaker:But something inside always stops me.
Speaker:To me that’s like a forbidden zone,
Speaker:something only to be looked at.
Speaker:I know her naked body would be a pleasant sight to behold, too,
Speaker:if only in an aesthetic sense.
Speaker:Feeling her up, though?
Speaker:Nothing in any of my bizarre, awful fantasies involves anything like that.
Speaker:And imagining where things would go from there…the
Speaker:thought just sets me on edge.
Speaker:So instead I let my arm slip
Speaker:around behind her and my paw come to rest at her waist, tugging her closer in a side-hug. For a while, I simply continue to watch the two leads circle around each other on screen, literally
Speaker:and figuratively,
Speaker:the scenes starting to blur together in my mind as my body threatens to succumb to food coma.
Speaker:A few times I have to shake my head to keep myself awake.
Speaker:It’s not that the movie is boring, per se,
Speaker:but it’s not doing much to keep my attention, either.
Speaker:I find myself slipping once again when I suddenly feel Dani’s hand sliding against my thigh.
Speaker:I don’t remember her placing it there,
Speaker:but now it’s moving slowly,
Speaker:purposefully towards my crotch.
Speaker:My blood turns to ice in my veins, freezing me in place.
Speaker:What do I do? I don’t want Dani to touch me…there.
Speaker:That much I’m sure of.
Speaker:But a familiar question resurfaces:
Speaker:Why don’t I want this?
Speaker:All of my friends would switch places with me in an instant and be gloating about it tomorrow.
Speaker:Granted, I’ve always found the bragging pretty gross, but that’s totally a normal thing for a guy to do, right?
Speaker:Dani doesn’t seem to notice the panic seizing me and keeps on inching her hand closer and closer.
Speaker:I finally get a hold of myself and lay my paw on her wrist
Speaker:just as she’s about to reach my groin.
Speaker:I hear her let out a soft whrff
Speaker:and adjust her body against me, but to my relief she gets the hint and stops.
Speaker:Both of us go back to watching the movie.
Speaker:I can’t process it anymore –
Speaker:the people moving around on screen are shifting blobs of color,
Speaker:the music mere noise droning in the background.
Speaker:It vaguely sounds like some electronic-jazz fusion, but all I can really tell is that it’s unpleasant.
Speaker:I try to focus but to no avail.
Speaker:My mind is elsewhere, wandering aimlessly in a fog of doubt and frustration and anxiety and shame.
Speaker:On the periphery of my consciousness, I notice Dani slip her hand out from underneath mine,
Speaker:then warmly grasp around it.
Speaker:Before I can stop her, she pulls it towards her until my paw is pressed up against her chest.
Speaker:In a flash, all my fears from earlier crash into me like a tidal wave.
Speaker:I can envision what I’m supposed to do in this situation –
Speaker:at least, what my friends or every other hot-blooded male I’ve ever seen depicted in movies or on TV would do.
Speaker:Right now, I know she wants me to squeeze her, fondle her…maybe
Speaker:lightly trace my finger over her nipple.
Speaker:I picture myself turning towards her,
Speaker:those green eyes scintillating like emeralds in the golden lamplight,
Speaker:her ears pressed back against her head demurely.
Speaker:I’d lean in to kiss her,
Speaker:tilting my muzzle to the side and parting my lips to allow my tongue to slip past hers.
Speaker:With a soft grunt, I’d grab the hem of her loose-fitting sweater and start to slide it up and over her head –
Speaker:she’d helpfully raise her arms to make it easier for me.
Speaker:She’d reach behind her back to unclasp her bra,
Speaker:letting it fall into her lap.
Speaker:As my paws settle on her bare breasts and feel their soft contours,
Speaker:my body would press into hers, and then…
Speaker:And then… No. This isn’t my fantasy.
Speaker:For whatever fucked up reason, I’m not like my friends or every other hot-blooded male I’ve ever seen depicted in movies or on TV.
Speaker:Far from stimulating me, it feels as though my balls are retracting inside of me,
Speaker:as much as I’m screaming at my body to take interest in anything remotely normal.
Speaker:Dani’s my girlfriend. She’s beautiful.
Speaker:I love her deeply.
Speaker:So why does it feel like this?
Speaker:Every strand of fur on my body stands on end
Speaker:and I go stiff as a board.
Speaker:My pulse quickens to the point that I feel my heart might burst out of my ribcage.
Speaker:Too mortified to grope her as she wants or
Speaker:draw my paw back as I want,
Speaker:it remains pressed up against her chest until she finally pulls herself away from me.
Speaker:I let it drop to my side limply.
Speaker:I’m staring holes into the cushion of her couch when the TV clicks off and I hear the four words every boyfriend dreads to hear from their girlfriend:
Speaker:“We need to talk.” Reluctantly, I peel my eyes from the sofa and tilt my head to look up at her.
Speaker:Her face is tight, her eyes intense –
Speaker:I don’t know what to say,
Speaker:so I silently hold her gaze as I wait for her to unload on me.
Speaker:She clears her throat, then says,
Speaker:“At first, I thought you were just shy.
Speaker:It was kind of sweet, honestly –
Speaker:my other boyfriends were always so pushy.
Speaker:Prying them off of me all the time got old real fast.
Speaker:But we’ve been dating for six months now
Speaker:and we haven’t done anything more than kiss each other.
Speaker:And now…” She folds her arms across her chest and sighs.
Speaker:“I don’t know. I just can’t understand you, Jason.”
Speaker:Words continue to escape me.
Speaker:I don’t even know where to begin.
Speaker:How could I possibly make her understand what’s going on inside of me if even I can’t figure it out?
Speaker:All I can think to do is reach out to pet her hand reassuringly,
Speaker:but she withdraws it before I can.
Speaker:“Is it some kind of weird religious thing?”
Speaker:I shake my head. “Are you afraid of hurting me or going too far?
Speaker:Because I know you never would.”
Speaker:Again, I shake my head.
Speaker:“…Are you gay?” My ears perk up immediately at that.
Speaker:Gawking at her, I quickly reply,
Speaker:“No!” But then indecision takes hold.
Speaker:Am I actually gay?
Speaker:I frantically search my brain for any indication, but I come up empty.
Speaker:I’ve thought about having sex with guys as much as I’ve thought about having sex with girls – that is,
Speaker:never. More than that, all of my erotic fantasies involved heterosexual pairings.
Speaker:Swallowing hard, I shake my head for a third time.
Speaker:“No, I don’t think so.”
Speaker:“Are you sure?” she counters, raising an eyebrow at me.
Speaker:“I’m not gay, Dani,”
Speaker:I snap tersely.
Speaker:“OK, OK, you’re not gay.”
Speaker:She raises her paws in a conciliatory gesture,
Speaker:but something in her tone makes me think she doesn’t believe me.
Speaker:“Then I don’t get it, Jace.
Speaker:The only other thing I can think of is that…” –
Speaker:her face falls, her voice dropping to a near whisper – “…
Speaker:that you don’t think I’m attractive.”
Speaker:“What? No, Dani, I promise, it’s not that, honest. You’re beautiful,”
Speaker:I sputter. Her lip quivers, and I notice that her cheeks are now glistening with tears.
Speaker:“‘Beautiful,’” she murmurs.
Speaker:“Not ‘hot.’” An awkward silence falls between us
Speaker:as I struggle to respond to that.
Speaker:Again, the gap between what’s ‘hot’ to me and what everyone else seems to be into
Speaker:is so great that I
Speaker:don’t know how to even attempt to explain it.
Speaker:In every possible way that I can feel attracted to her,
Speaker:I’m attracted to Dani.
Speaker:Just…not in the way she needs from her boyfriend.
Speaker:When I can’t take it any longer, I say quietly,
Speaker:“Dani, I…I’m sorry. You are hot, I prom-” “Then why won’t you touch me?!”
Speaker:she exclaims, starting to wail.
Speaker:“I love you, Jace.
Speaker:You’re a great guy.
Speaker:I thought that this might be something special.
Speaker:That we were meant for each other.
Speaker:I want you – all of you.”
Speaker:She gulps audibly.
Speaker:“I want you to want me.
Speaker:But, if you don’t-”
Speaker:I cut her off before she can say the words I know come next, pleading,
Speaker:“Please, Dani, I love you too.”
Speaker:“I know,” she replies softly,
Speaker:smiling through her tears.
Speaker:It’s the saddest smile I’ve ever seen.
Speaker:“I don’t understand it, but I know.”
Speaker:She pauses for an agonizingly long moment.
Speaker:“I’ll give you some time to sort it out for yourself.
Speaker:But I can’t keep going like this,
Speaker:if this is all it’ll ever be between us.”
Speaker:I remain fixed on the couch,
Speaker:unable to agree or disagree.
Speaker:When she gets up from the couch and starts to clear away the mess on the coffee table, though,
Speaker:I realize that’s my cue to leave.
Speaker:Legs feeling like molasses, I slowly get to my feet
Speaker:and move to wrap my arms around her from behind.
Speaker:The way she stiffens against me cuts me to the bone.
Speaker:In an instant, I know that
Speaker:it’s over between us.
Speaker:Without another word,
Speaker:I pull myself away and slink down the hallway.
Speaker:I mechanically go through the motions of grabbing my coat,
Speaker:sliding my arms through the sleeves,
Speaker:and twisting the knob of her front door.
Speaker:The harsh fluorescent lighting of the foyer beyond greets me as I push it open.
Speaker:My ear quirks backward to catch the sound of Dani sniffling in the kitchen behind me,
Speaker:making me pause mid-step,
Speaker:but then I force myself to trudge out into the cold, clear night
Speaker:and make my way into my car.
Speaker:I’m not much of a crier.
Speaker:I try to make a point of not letting my emotions get the better of me.
Speaker:But I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks
Speaker:as I press my forehead against the steering wheel
Speaker:and begin to sob.
Speaker:This was the first of two parts of
Speaker:“An Alien in Our Midst”
Speaker:by Ty Fox, read for you by Solomon Harries,
Speaker:cuddly badger dad.
Speaker:Tune in next time to find out how Jace finds a way
Speaker:to come to terms
Speaker:with his asexuality.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web
Speaker:at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Happy Pride, and Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.