I’m currently walking through the narrow, 13th-century streets of Condom, France, trying to move slowly enough to keep my brain out of "hyper-mode". There is a certain peace here, but it’s a peace complicated by a very modern dilemma: the intersection of personal happiness and responsibility.

Learning from the Past

I’ve done the "big move" before. A few years ago, I went to Majorca with the intent to stay forever, but I learned that island life brings a sense of alienation and separation that I wasn't prepared for. Being on the continent feels different—more connected, less reliant on ferries and planes to feel part of the world.

The Weight of Choice

The hardest part of this contemplation isn't the logistics; it’s my seven-year-old daughter in Berlin. We are close, and any move here would require frequent travel back to nurture that bond. It’s a trial of the heart. I’ve realized that a frustrated father is of no use to a child, so finding my own happiness in a place like Southern France is, in a way, an investment in her well-being, too.

Choosing Meaning Over Joy

Lately, I’ve been questioning the very meaning of life. I’ve come to feel that it isn’t a pursuit of "joy" or "fun" that matters most—it’s the pursuit of meaning. Berlin has felt like a chapter that is closing, and while I feel like an outsider there even after ten years, I’m learning to view my nomadic nature not as a lack of roots, but as a way of opening my mind.

A New Perspective on "Home"

A friend recently helped me break out of a "scarcity mindset" regarding where we live. Why must we only have one home? I’m starting to think about a future where "migration" isn't a permanent exit, but a fluid existence between the places that nourish us—whether that’s France, Germany, or even returning to my roots in Poland.

I'm not on social media, but I am looking for a "tight, communicative audience". If this resonates with your own story of relocation or searching for meaning, please reach out. Let's skip the algorithms and just be human.

Get in touch with me, by emailing: cmonkxxx@gmail.com

Hello, welcome back. This time I'm checking in from southern France. I'm having a walk

through those really old narrow streets of town called Condom. I'm walking very

slowly because otherwise my brain is just on a in hyper mode. There are so many

things I want to tell you but there's very few things that I actually can either

talk about or I can say while this is a very personal podcast. I don't really

want it to be my public diary. Being here I'm here for a reason you see I'm

exploring this area several times now I've been here before and the idea is

that I familiarize myself with this place and eventually move here. Now this

sounds lovely and I've done a move like this before. You see I've moved to

to Mallorca a few years ago for a year with intention to stay forever. That

didn't really work out. I mean Mallorca is great but living there didn't really

work out and a few reasons. Now taking this knowledge, taking the experience I

gained I try to evaluate this new opportunity, this new location which is

very tempting. I'll say even more tempting than Mallorca because well it's also a

charming place but it's not an island. Living on the islands of Mallorca give

this sense of this connection alienation and separation. Living in a

continent is quite different. It's easier to go or need to go. We don't need to

rely on the theory or our plane. It's easier to get to get goods in to get

because transport just works better.

So why is it difficult? Well I think you may guess if you're listening to this

podcast for a while I have a daughter in Berlin and this daughter is

seven years old. We're both really close. She cannot really travel with me but the

only way for me to do this kind of move to move here would be to travel

frequently to Berlin to spend time with her to nurture this relationship which

is questionable how well this would work. So it's interesting dilemma. You know

things that I want my life to be and ideas how I would have to live in personal

happiness and taking responsibility. All those concepts are intertwined. There isn't

just one angle I can take. Now I'm getting too deep into this but let's just say I'm

contemplating personal happiness and happiness of my daughter and I think

there's an interjection because or intersection because if I'm not happy my daughter

will also be not happy. No child wants to have frustrated father. So I'm trying to

combine different ideas and make this place or south in France in general my

future home. Now I've been complaining about Berlin I think. I guess I've been

trying not to but I've been trying to communicate before that I'm not quite happy

in Berlin and I don't see my future there. I know I'll have to move. So it's almost

a change is inevitable and difficult choices will have to be made. Now looking

at this town where all streets are yellow and sandy I'm walking those old streets

from as I quickly checked are from 12th 13th century. You can feel history you

can feel calm peace and tranquility. It's a it's a really nice place to be.

Especially when you consider a surrounding area. It's a it's a place where you

can really make most in life. It's like a perfect sweet spot because it's not

the most beautiful area. It's not ugly it's charming it's it has potential.

That's very important. It's not flooded by tourism. It's really hard to connect

with because it's quite remote. So it's it's it's a black hole thing just screams

compromise but that's right that's good that's good that's that's where how things

go. We make choice we make compromises. So what's gonna happen I don't know I'm

here to question the feel to observe and I figured it's all about those small

steps. It's all about making small steps and seeing what the result will be. It's

really easy to assume things to say no I will never move because this and that.

Well what what what if I start moving a little bit by bit. I know I'll communicate

this to to people that are important relevant and I make this reality by

implementing those little steps. Do you get me? You know going through those thought

processes makes me also question what was the meaning of life. What really matters

what really counts. I guess right now I feel like it is important to live meaningful

life to have meaning. It's not really about pursuit of joy as much as it is a pursuit

of meaning. And I could evaluate fun versus meaning. I can evaluate every part of my

life. Berlin, France, work, my daughter, my girlfriend, myself, my hobbies. And while of

course it's nice to have fun you gotta have a meaning too. Or both maybe you know

sliding scale. While this is my third visit I don't really put too much pressure on

myself it's gonna be quite a long stay. I want to take it easy and just ingest in

how I consume and see how this idea changes in my head. How things are being communicated

also to myself. How do I feel about this place? How do I see myself here? How is my daughter

responding? You know about the idea that I'm here. Is she missing me? Is she missing me

less than last time I was here? It's all really meaningful to observe this. It's all very

it's a big trial, it's a big test. And since like I'm going through those circles in life

it wouldn't be my first move. I'm doing those moves repeatedly exploring places and

strolling them in this aimless dance walk. Stroll. I'm observing them and trying to imagine