Friendships in adulthood often present unique challenges and complexities that require introspection and discernment. We delve into the intricacies of what we seek from our friends, exploring the fundamental qualities that foster deeper connections and the essential attributes that define true companionship. As we navigate the often tumultuous waters of adult relationships, we uncover methods to enhance our friendships and cultivate meaningful bonds with those we cherish. Conversely, we assert a clear boundary for those who do not contribute positively to our lives, urging them to respectfully distance themselves. Join us as we engage in this profound exploration of friendship dynamics, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and mutual respect in our connections.

In this episode we break down friendships as adults. When is time to walk sway from those you called your friends? What do we want from our friends and figure out ways to become better friends to those we choose.... and for all the others we got one message for y'all... GET UP OUT MY FACE!

LET'S VIBE!

Takeaways:

• The dynamics of adult friendships evolve, requiring us to reassess our expectations and commitments.
• It is imperative to establish healthy boundaries in friendships to protect one's mental well-being.
• Authenticity in friendships is essential; friends should encourage rather than judge each other's choices.
• Navigating friendships as adults can be challenging, particularly when past experiences influence current connections.

But anyway, we're here, we're queer, let's get used to it.

All right, what's up, King?

It was the.

Alright.

That threw it off and you knew it was gonna throw it off and that's why you did it.

You knew.

You're like, all right, what's up, King?

Like, what.

The fuck?

I missed you, friend.

I missed you too.

And you thought we were gonna ever be able to do this with edibles?

That's crazy.

The fact that that was even.

The fact that that was even a part of the conversation, like, because sure, we definitely need something to help us be this silly.

I mean, edibles.

Edibles are still on the rise.

It's still.

They're still gonna happen.

Okay.

Maybe it'll just be for me.

Well, I can't do it by myself because.

Not Goofy.

Goofy is my favorite cartoon character.

By the way, I have a Goofy hanging in my window.

He's my favorite.

I love SpongeBob.

I've always loved SpongeBob.

And before SpongeBob it was Winnie the Pooh.

Oh, I don't know what it is about me in these yellow, but I really enjoy them very much.

I. I think that started.

I think that started it out.

You and these light skinned.

No, because, but, oh, no, Trick.

No, because I love a chocolate too.

Okay.

No, that just happens because typically speaking, I'm not attracted to light skinned men, which is funny how that, how that works.

Physically speaking, I think I always end up being involved with them because, like they hit me on some personality that I like.

But, but physically speaking, I'm typically lying.

Let's keep talking and start the thing and then we can talk about this offline.

Listen, listen, y' all here getting microphones and sounding foolish.

This is not just another podcast where two men are talking about bullshit and don't make any sense.

While we trying.

This is.

This is a real.

A real conversation for real adults.

Wow.

Pizza.

What's Paulita.

What are we even talking about?

What are we even talking about?

Listen to it now because you want to know what we're talking about.

What's up, King?

What's up, sir?

And what's up to all you out there?

Welcome to another episode of the what are we Even Talking about podcast, where.

Every other episode we take turns choosing the topic unbeknownst to the other.

So the conversation is authentic, unrehearsed, and.

Most importantly, a safe space for friends to be vulnerable.

So as always, guys, get your favorite cocktail or mocktail if you don't drink.

No judgment here and get ready to find out what are we even talking about?

So it's your boy.

I was about to skip it.

You know, it's your girl.

What's up?

It's your boy, pj, sir.

Pj, AKA pj, AKA no.

We'Re gonna.

Leave it there we go.

Leave it there.

Because I got nervous.

I got really scared.

I didn't know where we were about to go.

I was about to say something really.

Dirty, but I got really nervous.

I was like, AKA the ball liquor.

Oh, well, there's that.

Num num.

We're not gonna use that.

We're not gonna use that.

And I'm Christopher.

No, we're not gonna use that.

Cut, cut, cut.

And I'm Christopher.

Also known as King Christopher or.

And there's that.

You better be an exhale.

You better be Whitney as she's dancing.

Listen, how are you?

How have you been doing?

You know what?

Okay, so guys, during.

As you know that we.

We actually record these way ahead of time.

So the episodes are finally dropped.

And during this time is the heat wave that has hit.

I'm not sure, has it hit the whole country or.

We've definitely been in the 90s, baby.

Let me tell you right now, I think I. I need a new mattress because I sweat it my.

My whole life away.

My whole life away.

My ac, my fan.

I got a floor unit fan, a floor unit ac, and it's just still has not been enough.

It's just.

It's just been miserable.

So I've been miserable.

But I'm glad to be here.

That's just all I can say right now.

What about you?

Forget it.

If I am being perfectly honest, and I love to do that, it's an important part of my life.

I have been really horny.

Oh, yeah.

Like hyper.

Hyper.

I don't know hyper horny.

But yeah.

I've been having sexualized dreams.

I have been mastering.

Mastering.

I have been mastering the bait.

I have been masturbating quite a bit more frequently than normal.

I have been longing to be in some butt.

But outside of that, I've been pretty cool.

Work is still a toxic space for me.

I experience anxiety with it every day, but I try not to let it ruin my world.

And once I'm off, I get to, like, have fun in ways that I had not been prior, because I think we talked about it.

I've been doing the whole TikTok Live thing, and that's been a really, really fun journey for me.

On top of the fact that, as you mentioned, we have since released Episodes of the podcast and the reception has been really, really incredible, which has been a breath of fresh air.

Because I think a lot of times when you're doing bless you in the.

Name of Jesus, Hallelujah.

Anytime that you're doing anything, you want for people to enjoy it as much as you enjoy it and to receive it in the way that you want to present it.

And so have fun with it in the way that you have fun with it when you make it.

So, like just anybody that's provided feedback, any comments, any text messages, any personalized messages, just know that I myself am personally grateful.

Pj, I'm sure you can share the sentiment.

You know, I, I've been doing podcasting for a very long time and it's always nerve wracking when you first start something new and as soon as you, you know, you think what you got is gold and then somebody else here like, oh, okay, that's cute.

It's all right.

Okay, it's cool, it's whatever.

But you know, lately the feedback has been astoundingly refreshing.

Yes, I'm actually appreciative to be in this space.

And again, once again, I'm just glad to be in this space with you.

Absolutely.

Because I mean, who else can do this but the king, you know.

Can'T argue with you when you're right.

No, you know, okay, but, no, actually, but actually for also this week I've been, and I think this will bleed into the conversation that I would like for us to have, but I've been doing a lot of like, self reflection and a lot of like removing and adding, you know, I've been doing a lot of division, I've been doing a lot of mathematics when it comes to like my social life.

And it's, it's been, you know, that, that, that shit that happens in your mid-40s that you really start to say, I'm good.

I like that for you.

Interestingly enough, I think I got into a place where I was kind of becoming depressed because I don't really have local friends and I was feeling so very lonely and I was just like feeling very challenged in the space of like wanting to not be here because I wanted to be around people that, you know, I enjoy and that I can of being community with.

And one thing that I've discovered recently, and I think I knew it for a while, I think I just lost sight of it, is that, you know, community can be created.

It doesn't necessarily have to be like a in person thing.

Like the community that I'M creating in different spaces.

Virtually has been so refreshing for me lately, and it's been so nice to be able to, like, incorporate that into my day to day experience.

So I'm grateful for that.

So shout out to just anybody that I've been able to connect with virtually lately.

I'm not as quick to throw the friend word out as I used to be, but I've definitely been making some really positive connections, so I'm grateful for that.

And then it's also Pride Month, you know, so especially here in New York, it's a lot going on.

Next week this weekend is Pride, Gay Pride, which is the standard pride, our black pride, that I actually, I'm so grateful to be able to sit on the committee for New York City Black Pride that happens in August.

But White Pride is this week where we.

We're sprinkled about.

White Pride is crazy.

Yeah, that's basically.

See, I need people to understand.

Everybody sits there, talks about, oh, let's go to Atlanta, let's go to, you know, D.C. for pride.

That's.

Those are black prides.

They each have their own pride by themselves, which is technically White Pride.

It does sound crazy as I say.

It, but it almost sounds like the racial cult.

It's like White Pride, it really, you know, and we want to say that it's not, but, you know, most of us.

And shout out to Uwazi.

I had him as a guest on the DU project at the very beginning, and he's from Houston, and he did a piece about called Rain on My Parade.

And when I say that this piece was so great and like, it went.

It went viral over and over and over again about, you know, being a black person during these Pride events, how they use us and want us to be a part of their events.

But then when it comes to, like, community, they're really not here for us, you know, so it's that.

It's that.

It's always that balance of trying to find where do we.

Where do we fit in?

And then when we don't fit in, let's make our own.

Let's create our own table.

But then again, those tables are still, like, super judgy.

And so, like, it's.

It's.

I'm grateful to be able to be in spaces where I can help create these spaces that do not discriminate based on anything.

What you look like, what you.

Whatever, you know, I was about to say what you taste like, but, you know, whatever.

Alphabet, elemental, P, you know, And I.

Also, before we get started, I really Want to say this to my followers who have been like, hey, so there was this thing that you were hashtag and celebrating prior with PJ.

I got through 10 days.

I just gave up.

I said, I can't do this anymore.

I just.

I was going to do something every single day, and I realized that I have a problem with doing things every day.

So, like, yeah, Yeah.

I think I'm going to bombard people on the last day.

You love that.

I get that, though.

I struggle with consistency when it comes to, like, feeling like I create something as an obligation for myself.

It's different if it's something that, like, oh, I'm excited, I'm passionate, I'm eager.

But, like, okay, I've told myself that I'm going to do this every day.

People expect this of me.

So now let me just, like, with the whole live thing now.

I was supposed.

I wasn't supposed to even go live today.

I was supposed to have gone live yesterday.

It's like, I'll see y' all tomorrow.

Like, very that.

So I get it.

I do want to ask you a couple of questions.

Ooh.

And this is just something that.

So that, you know, we can get a little bit comfortable, you know, allow people to get to know us a little bit better, ease into the conversation.

And this is what we tend to call here.

And if you've been here before, maybe you familiar with it, but, you know, this or that.

This or that.

This or that.

I'm just gonna throw out a few things, and you tell me what you think.

And I was about to say something really perverted and inappropriate to throw you off your game, but you can never throw me off.

You can't throw me off my game.

Let's go.

Let's.

But I'm not gonna do that.

Challenge.

So if you had to choose solo healing or healing and community.

If I had to choose solo healing, why?

Because.

Same.

But I'm curious as to why you say that.

Because I think that, for me, I tend to.

If I'm healing in community, I tend to be more focused with their healing before my own.

So.

And I. I tend to.

I tend to.

I think this is.

I think that's the Libra thing.

We put other people's needs before ourselves, and we start worrying about them, and then we're like, okay, we'll get to us at some point in time, right?

No, I'm solo healing.

That's a really sweet reason to feel that way.

For me.

For me.

I personally, I don't like.

So, number one, I don't like to participate in trauma bondings, which is a real thing, and I just don't want to be involved.

Furthermore, a lot of people, when it comes to their personalities and their energies and the way that they express themselves, can be super dramatic, can be super needy, can be a lot like, we just.

Like I told you, coming into the.

This space, I just left a space where I got incredibly overstimulated.

And for me, I'd much rather find myself in a space of healing on my own.

So, yes, of course I don't want to have to.

I don't want to have to take on your experiences, because I do that instinctively, but also, I probably don't want to hear about your shit.

Like, I'm going to come back when y' all done sharing, like, group.

I got to take a call.

Like, I'm.

Okay.

And so next question.

Date night at home or night out on the town?

Date night at home.

Date night at home.

Date night at home.

We could be naked.

Right now.

Just right now.

Eventually, it's probably very date night at home, but right now, I want to be outside, if nothing else, but because I have not been, and I think that would be fun for me in a dating experience if I were to participate in one.

But later, as things become more comfortable and easeful and the connection builds absolutely inside.

But for right now.

Yeah, baby, let's.

Oh, it's the lights.

Action.

If y' all can see.

Yeah.

Come on.

Hey, Beyonce.

You know what I. I think.

I think we're gonna do?

Like, this is something that I normally do, and I love to invite Beyonce into every conversation.

So that was it.

Hey, Beyonce.

Absolutely.

For sure.

But, yeah, like, I. I need that.

Okay, bet.

So now.

Oh, this is a good one.

Learning through books or learning through life experience.

All right, so here's the thing.

I'm gonna say learning through life experiences, okay?

Learning through books is great, but I am a. I am a learn by doing kind of.

Kind of guy.

I fuck with it.

I'm gonna say the opposite.

I'm tired of life teaching my ass.

I'm gonna be real life, be teaching the fuck out of me.

And at some point, it's like, hey, I get it, but let's take a rest.

I want to pick up a book.

I'm willing to study if it can be.

I don't.

Because you got to think about it.

Especially when it comes to learning through experiences, Sometimes we have to learn.

It's not necessarily something I wanted to learn.

It's not necessarily something I chose to learn.

But based on that life experience, I had no choice.

Like, you had to learn.

And so I'm at a point now where I've had enough of those moments lately where it's like, yeah, give me the book.

I'll study it till 3 o'.

Clock.

You said the encyclopedia.

You say, oh, Lord, New York.

And so here's the thing about the summertime that I am not ready for is when the fireworks randomly start.

And where did that come from?

Out of the Blue?

It is June 26th.

Baby, they're starting.

Here we go.

Those were not gunshots.

I do not live that.

I do not live in hood.

Those were fireworks.

I do not live in that.

I live in a predominantly Caribbean and Jewish neighborhood.

So I am safe.

You saw my face, too, like Digger.

Then I was me out of here.

Ooh, shit.

Gunshots.

I was raised in the place that you.

Gunshots sound a lot different if somebody who's been raised around gunshots outside.

We react very differently when we actually hear gunshots versus when we know it's not gunshots.

Have mercy.

Okay, and we're back.

Yeah.

No, because it was my response, too.

That's what made it funny for me, because I was like, new York.

Are y' all okay?

Oh, bang, bang.

Shoot him up.

Oh, it's not.

It's not giving that over here.

Not over here.

Soul food or clean eating?

Big mama, your foot.

Oh, my God, my stomach.

My belly is.

That's.

That's my stomach.

So I will definitely say I have enjoyed this.

I'm.

I'm enjoying all this whole food.

I'm enjoying eating a whole lot more than I should.

And it's okay.

I think it's okay.

I want to be clean eating.

I really do.

I want, like, for me, I'm on a journey where it's like, I want to improve my health in every way that I can.

However, right now, give me everything bad for me.

It just brings me joy.

It makes me comfort.

You know, they call it comfort food.

It brings me comfort.

It brings peace.

It'll turn around the way that I feel if I'm feeling down.

Like, there's something about soul food that, like, it's good for your soul.

So, like, yeah, soul food me right now.

Clean eating in the future.

Okay, so let me add a question onto that.

Can I do that?

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, so when you put all this stuff on your plate, right?

So let.

Give me.

Give me.

Give me the five things that are on your plate.

Right.

Now, as far as soul food, okay, so we got some fried chicken.

1.

We got some macaroni and cheese.

We got some greens.

I'm not particular.

Any kind of greens.

We got some cornbread.

Okay.

One more.

You said five, right?

Five.

And on some random, I probably got a bowl on the side with some spaghetti in it.

Okay.

Because I don't like certain juices dripping on the certain foods.

That's a choice.

Okay, so of those five things, what is the first thing that you go to?

The chicken.

I'm such an entree.

I'm such an entree person.

I eat my entree.

And it's so funny because I have an ex boyfriend that judges me so harshly because every time we talk and he sees me eating, he was like, I bet you ate your fries first.

Because, like, I'm so.

I eat one thing at a time.

So if I have a plate, I start with one item, and then I work my way around the plate clockwise.

I don't have a problem with food touching.

I just eat one thing at a time.

I enjoy appreciating the flavor of one particular food at once.

Where I've seen so many other people that'll take a little piece of this, Take a little piece of this, and, like, put it all in their mouth.

Like it's going to the same place.

And it's coming out the same way.

I think that's weird.

So I just.

I don't eat that way.

But, yeah, I'm probably going to the chicken first, and then I'm gonna do whatever's next to it and so on and so forth.

Wow.

Okay.

I've never.

I've.

I. I would sit and watch you eat and be like.

A lot of people do.

Okay.

I think.

I think.

Wait, wait, wait.

When we were in D.C. i think you did this probably.

Thank God.

I didn't say anything.

I was just.

I was observed.

Very observant of everyone.

So that's just me.

I always go for the macaroni.

Macaroni and cheese first.

Like, if it's on my plate, that's the first thing I'm gonna eat.

I'm gonna taste.

And then I'll eat everything else.

But I do.

And I always wonder if anybody else is like that.

I think whatever.

I'm like, if there's a meat involved, I want the meat first.

Like, it's so hefty.

And it's like, I'm so excited about it because it's gonna be so hefty.

Put that big old piece of meat in my mouth.

Okay.

All right.

So speaking of beating, speaking of putting that big old piece of meat in my mouth, we're gonna move on to this segment that I like to call get up on My Face.

Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up get up on my face.

Now, this is something that I just started doing and started thinking about.

And now that it's hot.

And now that is really hot.

Now that is so hot.

If you leave out your.

Hot.

Is it.

It's so hot.

If you leave out your house without putting a ounce of deodorant on, okay?

And you sit here reaching and stretching all up and putting your old funky, funky funks all over the place.

Get up on my face.

I can't take it.

My nose is really sensitive.

Okay.

Just a touch of dove a little bit.

You know, I haven't gone anywhere, so there's none.

But I appreciate it when I see people with the little white in the underarms.

Lets me know that you care.

Let me know that you care.

Okay.

All right.

Also, now that is hot.

I'm trying to tell you.

Listen, we have spent all of this time in the wintertime hiding our bodies and, you know, keeping warm.

But now that it's summertime, and I don't think I said this before, I might have.

I'm not sure, but I'm gonna say it again.

Put your winter feet away, okay?

Go to get your pedicures.

Get your manicures, okay?

Let's take care of our feet if you're gonna display them for the world, all right?

Let them be.

Let them be nice and shiny, okay?

Not dusty and crusty, all right?

Get up on my face.

And lastly, and this is.

This is really the main, main thing.

I want to go out with you.

I don't want to go hang out with you.

I don't.

I don't like you.

I don't like your friends.

I don't like all your people.

I don't like being around all these other places.

No.

Get out of my face.

Get up on my face.

I'm gonna stay home.

No.

Y' all want to go to the bar?

No.

Y' all want to go to the bar?

No.

You mean you want to go to the bar so I can pay?

No.

Get up on my face.

Okay, that's it.

That's all I got.

It's been a week.

These get up on my faces have.

Yeah.

They're like, you know what?

And I got one.

Actually, I do have one more and another one.

All right?

Now, if I have talked to you in the past.

And by the past, I mean, I don't know, maybe within the past year, two years, maybe three.

Don't text me out of the blue.

Hey, big head boy.

Get out my face.

No.

How do you.

What the.

Like, I'm just saying, hey, seeing how you been, I'm dead to you.

Get up in my face.

Oh, that's it.

Want to talk about it.

Baby?

It's been a week.

It's been a few kind of.

It's been some things going on, you know, I'm just glad to be here.

I'm just glad to be here.

I get it.

W a W e T a podcast or waweda podcast.

I think, interestingly enough, I have been as much as I've been encouraging other people.

And I love that for me that I'm so encouraging of other people when it comes to taking care of yourself.

But if I'm being honest and not to trigger anybody, but, like, I have not been taking care of myself in the best ways that I possibly could, only because, like, I've been being really poor when it comes to my rest.

I don't know what was going on with me Monday and Tuesday, but like, for whatever reason, I was like, that alarm gonna go off at 6:30 no matter what time you close your eyes.

And 3 o' clock in the morning will come and it'd be like, what the is wrong with you?

And it's like, I hate when I'm tired, like sleepy to the point as to where my eyes are watering, but my brain won't shut to let me go to sleep.

And I can seriously, I can sincerely say there's not really been anything going on.

Like I'm not overworked by anything mentally.

Like, I've been chilling.

Work has been annoying, but work is always annoying.

So there's not really any real rhyme or reason to that.

I've just been like restless.

And then yesterday I went into the garden.

I've started calling it that because that's my fun way of saying on TikTok that I got high, but I went into the garden and I went in there a little deeper than I anticipated.

Yeah.

And before I knew it, it was 7:30 and I was knocked out and I was waking up at 2 o' clock in the morning, like, oh.

And then I put some music on and I went back to sleep.

And I got up this morning, I was like, well, maybe this is my body.

Even though, you know, weed was a part of it.

Maybe this is my body's way of playing catch up and trying to, like, get back into gear as far as everything is concerned, because, like, I've been struggling.

On top of that, I just shaved for the first time today, probably in a better portion in the.

In the better portion of two weeks.

And I had gotten so very consistent with it just because I like the way my skin looks when I shave more routinely.

And I like.

You know, I've been showing up in live spaces, so I've been trying to keep a clean look lately.

I've been tired, and I have been giving not a single solitary fuck, which I feel like it's okay not to give a fuck.

But in the scheme of me telling myself what I wanted to do and the ways that I wanted to show up for myself, it's been a little disappointing.

So I'm making the commitment now for myself.

Not that anybody else cares, because y' all don't have to look at me, but I'm making the commitment for myself now to actively practice better rest, to actively I drink 90,000 fucking gallons of water a week, but to actively continue to hydrate and then to, like, just take better care of myself overall, because it's something that I pride myself on.

And I can definitely say that lately I have dropped the ball.

But I do have another question for you.

Not in regard to this or that, but just a question that I think a lot of people out there maybe want to know.

As far as this particular episode, what are we even talking about?

You know, I'm so happy we're here.

Before we get started, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to issue a trigger warning.

Okay?

So understand if certain kind of conversations are triggering to you, and just know that sometimes we may have a lot of trigger warning conversations here, but here's a trigger warning.

Friendships.

When is it time to let go of a friend?

When is it time to let go of a friend?

Group.

When is it time to actually put yourself above everyone else?

That's today's conversation.

Before we go there, I just want to say, because I know you're listening, universe, that this is how I know that you be playing in my face.

This is how I know.

So when it comes down to it, and you try to make me believe, like, when you try to gaslight me, like, universe, I know that this is you playing in my motherfucking face.

And I'll tell you why I say that later, P.J.

but you continue.

I want to talk about this.

Let's talk, bitch.

You know, I'm always curious, you know, like, especially for other people who consider themselves friendly.

Air quotations or, you know, popular, so to speak, or just kind.

Not nice.

Fuck nice.

Because I'm not nice.

I'm a kind guy.

I'm not a nice guy.

And trying to give people chance at the chance at the chance to be your friend or feeling like you are triggered in ways that bring out the worst in you, and then you don't have people to support you, like, what do you do?

So what do you do?

Let me ask you, because we're gonna.

We're gonna.

We're gonna go into the scenarios for this one, and you are very well aware of one of them.

So, first of all, first.

First of all, it's so funny because I had a conversation earlier, and the topic was Letting Go versus Holding On.

Holding on versus Letting Go.

That was the title of the live.

And it's so funny because this.

This exact topic came up in the conversation, but it's something that kind of keeps coming up because I'll tell you, like, I have.

Just to give you an example, I have a friend who at this point, I can't say is a friend.

We just kind of ceased to be.

But it's a relationship with somebody.

We'd both known each other since we were 19, and we are both now 40.

And it's one of those things that when we were really, really young, I admired the fact that we had never lived in the same place, but we talked every day.

It was a friendship that was really built virtually.

And this is before FaceTime or live or video chat or anything.

So this is literally you having to pick up the phone and call each other in order to talk.

And it's one of those things where I appreciated the value and the things that we found we had in common, all the ways that we encouraged each other, all the ways that we inspired one another, all the ways that we just created so many beautiful memories and would laugh together.

And it got to a point as to where for each other, years, like, for the better part of a decade, we had only met one time.

And then eventually, as we got older, you know, you get cars and different things like that start happening.

And he started coming to visit, and then eventually I'd go to visit him.

And we had taken trips together and traveled and done things, and we had secured this very solid friendship.

But there were some things, I think, as he started to grow as an individual that I started to recognize that I didn't really appreciate or share the same values in.

And he could be a.

He could be a very judgmental person.

Judgmental in the sense of, like, I understand you not being able to understand where people come from.

Like, hey, I'm not.

That's not my experience.

I've never lived that life, so I can't relate.

But it was almost like putting people in the position to be less than or worse than you because they made choices that you couldn't necessarily resonate with or understand why they would make.

He has about four friends that he knows outside of our friendship that up until recent years, three of them I had never met.

But I can probably write you a book on all four of them because that's how much he's told me of their business.

So it's one of those things as to where.

It's like, when you're actively telling me so much of somebody else's business, I can only imagine that you're telling them the mind.

Right, right, right.

And just different things.

Like, there were a lot of different things, but, like, even, like, certain conversations that we would have as to where, like, I was made to feel small because you didn't agree with certain decisions that I made, or because you felt like you would have done things differently and better had you been put in the situation.

And I got to a point where I was going through a really, really rough time, and I just didn't.

I couldn't deal with the judgment or the lecturing or anything that I felt or was concerned about from them.

So one time they called me, and I didn't call back for, like, seven months.

And we went seven months without talking.

And then, interestingly enough, I started working for the company that they work for.

Where I work now, we work for the same company.

And hey, girl.

I reached out on teams, and I.

Was not on teams.

Yeah.

Cause mind you, he didn't even know.

He didn't even know that I worked there.

Like, that was it.

Like, I had gotten referred by somebody else.

All the things.

He had no idea, but applied for the job, got the job.

Probably about a month in, I hit him up and started messaging him.

And so we kind of casually started chatting.

And then I reached out.

I was like, I don't want it to be a thing as to where, like, we have this, like, casual work relationship, but we don't, like, resolve any, you know, silent issues within our friendship.

So I reached out and I took the high road, and I feel like I Played the bigger person role.

And I apologized for allowing things to go in the direction that they did.

And we kind of, you know, was like, hey, I forgive you.

I forgive you.

Let's move forward.

Everything's cool.

No love, loss.

And we were, like, kind of picking back up.

But beyond that, I kind of found myself feeling like I was chasing them.

And then I visited the city that they live in to go see somebody else and sent a text message saying, hey, I made it.

And they said, welcome to the city.

And that's the last communication that we've had.

And that was April 4th of last year.

And so it was one of those things where I feel like I had gotten to the point of recognizing that I needed to let it go.

But I think because sometimes we find ourselves in spaces where we become so comfortable with things, and we become so used to things being a certain way, or we believe that out of loyalty, we should stick to certain things or, you know, even this thing.

That's where we don't know who we are without certain parts of our life.

It's like we convince ourselves of all these different.

Ourselves of all these different things and all these reasons why we should hold on to things, when, realistically speaking, all the signs were pointing to us letting go a long time ago.

So for me, to answer your question, because I went on, I went down a journey to get here.

But for me, I'm learning more and more over time that anytime I feel like something isn't serving me or if it's harming me more than it's helping me, I have started creating boundaries for myself where I can say, hey, God bless you on your journey.

I wish you the best.

It was nice knowing you, but I gotta go.

And I had a conversation with my therapist about it.

I feel like we might have talked about this, but I can't remember.

I had a conversation with my therapist about it because I've almost gotten to the point now as to where sometimes I feel like I'm a bad friend because I don't take anything in friendships.

I think that particular instance taught me a great lesson about, like, dealing with bullshit I don't want to deal with in friendships.

So anyt I feel like there's any type of drama or mess or anytime I feel like somebody's kind of bringing stuff to me that I don't want to deal with, I'm like, yeah, so I' ma go.

Whereas in relationships, and I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, but I'm sure, you know, a Relationship, there's so much understanding and patience and compromise.

So I asked my therapist.

I was like, it's so funny to me that when it comes to relationships, I'm so willing to put up with so many different things, but when it comes to my friendships, it's kind of like, yeah, I'm a go.

And he told me, he was like, I don't see anything wrong with you having those boundaries.

Because I'm like, my, if we're not.

And you not financing me and you not putting no food in my stomach, you know what I'm saying?

For the say all, I'm the only benefit that I'm getting, which it may be a great benefit, but the benefit that I'm getting is being able to call you my friend.

But I'm having to take on all of this stuff, like your, your attitude, your ego, your drama, your shadiness, your messiness, your different little things that you do to disrespect me or to betray me.

I'm like, yeah, I'm not dealing with that.

Now, let me, let me tell you right now.

So I, I have a, I, I, a thousand percent agree with you.

And I've been there.

I am still there.

Sometimes I always think that I'm a bad friend because I have this, I have this thing and I'm, I, I started looking this, this stuff up and.

Hold on a second, holding on a second.

Okay, I have this thing called, you know, and I won't say I have this thing, but they, they say that people who have ADHD have this thing called object permanence where, you know, if we don't, if we don't see something, we don't think about it.

Right?

So if I don't, if I don't, let's say I don't speak to you, Christopher Frog, for like a month, and then.

But you feel away, but you haven't picked up the phone to reach out to me.

I'm the bad friend in your eyes because I haven't reached out to you.

Why haven't I heard from you?

You know, you know, I'm, I'm sorry.

I've been living.

I'm here.

I picked up the phone.

Hey.

It's been my, it's been my history that I am the worst at calling people.

And I think that's because I've had to do so much on my own and I've had to navigate life by myself because I've been betrayed by a lot of friends or people I've called Friends.

And so this is the triggering part about it, is that when I feel like these cycles are repeating themselves, I will gracefully remove myself.

Now, let's pick a scenario.

And you're well aware.

You're well aware of this scenario, but just not how it has now transpired.

Okay, Remember when we were all in D.C. i am no longer speaking to.

Anyone from that trip.

Anyone.

Okay, maybe.

Maybe just one or two, actually.

And I do know that I have a tendency to, you know, and Chris, even Christopher even said, throw him away.

But I, you know, I. I know how I get when I drink, and I know that there are underlining issues when that happens.

And I think sometimes it bothers me when people are more reactionary versus trying to figure out what's going on.

And then that triggers me to go down a different rabbit hole and start being more destructive towards myself based on people's responses or like to see if you actually really care kind of situations.

I don't.

I don't.

There.

There are a lot of parts about it that is still, like, fuzzy right now as far as, like, my feelings go.

But I know that I have to remove myself because I know that there are feelings that I have that can be expressed in the most worst way.

Yeah, I've been in situations where I've had friends who.

People who live 10 blocks away from me.

He still does live 10 blocks away from me.

I don't speak to anybody in that friend group anymore because there was a situation that had happened.

You know, I become a monster.

I become, like, Tasmanian devil when I'm, like, drunk, which is why I don't really drink that often.

But when you don't drink that often and then you have a couple of drinks, baby, you kind of don't remember, like.

And then I had a tendency to blackout, but there was a situation with a person who was a air quotations friend, and I reacted a certain kind of way.

All right, let me.

Let me just go actually into the full.

The full story with this one.

That was the year that my grandmother, my father, two of my cousins, a bunch of my best friends, a bunch of my friends, not best friends, and people I've worked with and know all died within the month of October during my birthday month, you know, sent me spiraling, spiraling.

And for the first time, I said, you know what?

I'm gonna go outside.

It's like, it's Christmas.

It's the Christmas season.

One of our friends is a principal, and he does this elaborate Christmas party where people come from all over, and it's very much like.

It's kind of corny when people think it's corny, but it's like we're having a good time.

Like, he'll make.

It's like a.

Music, games and like all these different things that we do.

And like, you know, it's like Jeopardy kind of situations or, you know, it's.

It's.

It was actually cool.

And I had not been out for a long time, and a lot of people knew during that time that I was going through a lot.

And I just said, you know, for the first couple of times, you know, I'm just here.

I just want to have fun.

I'm just outside.

This is my first time being outside.

And you know that shout out to everyone who understood the assignment, which was just to let him have fun.

Except for the few people who kept asking me, what's going on?

Are you okay?

Do you want to talk?

Do you want to talk?

Do you want to talk?

Do you want to talk?

No.

After a while, you know, I started drinking more and more, and then it became an altercation, then we can go into much later.

And it became one of those situations where I made a complete ass of myself and someone touched me in a way that was inappropriate, and my response was to grab them by their crotch and squeeze it really hard.

How was I to know that they've had testicular surgery?

So they went to the emergency room and they were in pain for a couple of days, and then they tried to file a case against me.

Everyone in that circle knew what happened, knew how I felt about this person touching me.

Not one of them came to my defense.

And I have a problem with friends who don't speak up for you but keep quiet to keep the peace.

So I had to let all of those friends go.

And then the situation that I was speaking of with you earlier was very reminiscent of that in a little bit.

And I just.

I. I'm having a hard time at this age now making friends as an adult.

Same.

And I'm actually okay with having the four friends that I've had for the past 26 years.

And these are for female friends.

So it's, like, hard for me to make male friends.

That's why I appreciate you.

And it's hard for me to make male friends, especially at this age, especially where I'm at, going to be where I am and how I interact with other people, because I don't give nobody no bullshit or like, I'm here to support you, but I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear.

And I think a lot of people want to hear.

Want a friend that's going to tell them what they want to hear versus the truth.

So agree with that.

I don't know.

I think I find it challenging right now, especially with.

In relation to what you just said about it being hard to make friends, I think.

And I think it becomes more and more challenging as you become older.

And I think for me, I tell people all the time as in regards to where I think about places where you make friends.

A lot of times people make friends at work.

A lot of times people make friends at church.

A lot of times people make friends.

And, you know, I have friends that have brought me around other friends, and now we've kind of intermingled.

I think I'm so limited to so many different circumstances of my, you know, as parts of my experience as to where I'm just not in any of those places.

So for me, I'm definitely grateful for, as well as very protective of my friendships.

However, at the same time, I think it makes it challenging.

And I think that's another thing, too, when it comes to, like, holding on to people maybe sometimes a little bit too long, because it's like, well, not to say when I move one out, I need to move one in, but it's like, it's so hard to make friends, so how can I afford to lose one?

And it's so funny because I always say, like, as kids, like, the person that you sit next to in school.

Oh, the person that you asked to borrow a pencil, the person that, you know, you rode the bus with.

It was so easy to make friends.

And then sometimes, before you know it, you look up 20 years later and these people are still your friends.

But you've learned to realize over time that maybe you and these people don't share the same values or you don't necessarily like them as much as you did when you were younger.

Or maybe they're actually really terrible people.

You know what?

Like Michael.

Michael Beasley.

You know, Michael Beasley is.

I'm gonna Google now.

Okay.

He's a basketball player.

All right.

Oh, yeah, baby.

I would have definitely not known that, but go ahead.

He was on someone's show, on someone's podcast at one point in time or something.

I saw something on social media out he was saying, you know, like, I've been looking for a real group of good people for a long time, and it's really hard.

It's really hard out there trying to find my people.

And so, like, I've been doing everything on my own.

I go into this altitude, and when I even, like, I think I text you before, like, because I was going through stuff, and I was like, feeling, oh, my.

Boring you.

No, no, no, no.

I was going through stuff.

Sleep deprivation.

Continue.

I was.

I was going through stuff.

And I, you know, I was just feeling like, everybody, everybody that I call a friend is judging without understanding, and I can't.

It hurts.

Especially when, you know, you go, you may make some mistakes, but after that mistake is made, you go above and beyond to, like, rectify or to clear your name or your image or whatever.

You're just like, you know what?

That was just a bad moment.

Let's not judge him based on that one time.

But that one time now becomes your personality.

And then now you.

You're about to see what happens when that.

When you do that, you get cut out.

And I don't.

I don't have space or time for that in my age in what I got going on in my body and what I got going on in my mind, because it's toxic and it hurts.

So let me ask you, because I think it's funny because I'm sure we've had this as a conversation, and I think it's so easy for people to say when it comes to romantic relationships, like, what is it that you're looking for in a partner?

If you had to determine it for yourself, or, like, maybe even list some things out, like, what are you looking for in a friend?

If, you know, if there's an opportunity for you to meet somebody and connect with them and they have the potential to become friends with you, like, what do you seek in those type of relationships?

Yes, I honestly allow me to be me and whatever that looks like, where I don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells, or I. I can't express or I can't be a certain way around you, because I don't feel comfortable.

Like, allow me to be a teenager, you know, and like, kids have, like, these teenagers and their friendships.

Like, you know, they grow up and they realize, you know, like, they.

They never speak to those kids again, those friends again.

But those were so genuine because they were based on what you can do for me.

And I.

And I've.

And.

And because of the spaces that I walk in and the.

And I'm not.

I'm not sitting here to.

To bring ego or anything to it, but I don't want people to.

I have come across a lot of people who wanted to be my Friend based on my close, my proximity to greatness.

Because how many people I know because of, because of how connected I am, you know, and using me for my connections.

I want to.

I want a friend who, who can understand who I am today based on their interaction with me today.

That makes sense.

It does.

I like that.

Like, I don't want you to be my friend based on how we were in the past.

Like you were saying you wanted to hold on to that, that friend.

That was, that was then.

You are two different people now.

You have moved on to, to bigger or better things, or maybe not even bigger and better things.

You just have moved on to other things.

And, you know, sometimes it's time to, like, you know, what?

Eh, eh.

We're not, we're not, we're not the same.

You try to force it, you know, but let me, let me ask you, when it comes to your friend circle.

Right.

What makes a friend to you a great friend?

I think what I'm learning as I get older, and I think it's all about what you place your value in.

But overall, for me, the thing that makes a good friend for me based on where I am right now is support.

Yeah.

Because I think there are so many things that I'm seeking to do, like in this space between us and the podcast and, you know, TikTok and the way that I'm trying to grow there and, you know, just anything that I seek to do, it's always so very meaningful to me.

When I have people that I know that they genuinely support me.

They're always rooting for me.

They always have an encouraging word, even when I don't necessarily know how to encourage myself.

Or maybe I find myself in a space of being a little down on myself.

They know how to pick me up and, like, remind me of who I am and how amazing I am based on their experience of me.

And I find that to be so incredibly meaningful because sometimes it is easy to become discouraged and sometimes it can be easy to become distracted when you set goals for yourself.

And I think friends are the people who kind of keep you grounded and keep you connected to what it is that's your purpose.

And I've been experiencing that a tremendous deal in my friendships lately.

Just from people.

We don't have to talk every day.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a thing as to where every time we talk it has to be hour long conversations.

But just knowing that we connect in a way that makes us want to see each other win, and we always genuinely have each Other's best interest at hand.

And we're always looking to see the ways that we're growing separately and together.

Like, that's something that's so meaningful to me.

I've gotten to a place as to where mental health is so important to me.

So, like, having friends that are, like, if not necessarily in a space of, you know, because we all are gonna forever be growing, but people that are actively working on that, like, you're actively doing something to develop yourself and to build yourself and to grow yourself.

Stagnancy and complacency and being comfortable with things just being the way that they are, as much as that might have been okay when I was in my 20s, I can't rock with that today.

Like, for me, I have to see that you're on a path of upward mobility.

Because if not, I'm gonna leave you.

Because if they're not, what ends up happening is as you move, they start acting a little different or saying that you act different.

But no, you're not acting different.

You're moving, you're progressing.

I'm not sitting here stuck in the same position that I was when we were hanging out.

And my.

My thing also with friends.

And like I said in that.

In that specific group, there has been a handful that I will still say I will talk to, right?

Because those are the ones who have reached out and checked in and said, hey, are you okay?

You know, and that's when I know that you care, you know, versus, oh, let's just talk about this in front of everybody else and make this a thing or make this a really big thing, because it becomes a thing.

Versus just say, let me see.

Are you okay?

Because you don't seem to be okay.

And during there.

There especially, there are moments where I'm not okay.

And I don't tell people that all the time, you know, and then I start getting self conscious, like, oh, my God, am I projecting the fact that I'm not okay?

Oh, my God, am I not wearing the mask the way I usually try to be?

And then now I'm starting to just let that.

Let that mask go.

And just.

This is why I appreciate, like I said again, my friendship with you, because you have checked in on me, and I think that as we get older, it really becomes harder to make new friends as adults.

Right?

But as we get older, our values change.

What's important to us changes, and we have to connect with people who share the same values before we, like, let's have a whole bunch of different friends.

I have A friend that does this and a friend that does this.

But we all think differently.

And then when you find out you all get together, it's always.

It's always an altercation because nobody's like, yoked in the same, like, equally yoked, so to speak.

So.

Yeah, and that's, that's interesting that you say that, because I feel like I've had challenges with that in the past.

Just trying to like, you know, when you like really like, say you have people that you went to college with and then you have people that you've met in a new city that you moved to, or friends from this place and then friends from that place.

It could definitely be challenging when you have people that you love and you feel like you're connected to and you get along with so well, but based on things that you know about the different people, it's like, eh, I don't know if y' all are gonna mesh well or I don't know if, based on what I know about their personality, if you're going to be able to tolerate the things that in them that I see as, you know, fun, quirky things about their personality that you might find to be annoying or be impatient with.

So that could definitely be a challenge when it comes to trying to bring different groups of friends together and trying to interweave certain friendships.

Cause I think for me, at one point in the world, I wanted everybody that I love to love each other.

I just like, come on, let's all just be together in harmony and love one another and care for a share.

Yes.

And now it's like, yeah, so Linda's not gonna really get along very well with John.

Cause John talks a lot and Linda likes to kind of just chill in silence.

So I gotta be mindful of that and kind of, you know, be okay with the fact that if I'm gonna go hang out with Linda, I probably don't wanna bring John.

And that's cool.

And then Linda needs to be okay to understand that this is the reason.

Like, I'm not inviting you out with me and John.

Cause I know you and I know how you're gonna react.

Don't think I'm being funn.

Why you always hanging out with John?

Whatever.

Because, bitch, you not go like John.

Let it go.

Why?

Why, why are we like this?

Like, I think we all have.

We all have people like that.

Like, I, I'm not, I'm not proud of this.

But back in the day, I don't think so much now, unless I've been drinking A lot.

Which I, again, do not do.

And I think also that time was also mixed with all the other things that we were doing.

Yeah.

Which really just took me elsewhere.

But all of the weed.

Wait, I was gonna say something completely different.

Wait, what were we even talking about?

Adhd.

It pops in, I think.

Okay, so here's what I'll.

Here's what I will say.

I want a friend.

And if somebody was new to come into my life and to say they will want to be my friend, number one, I need you to know that we're friends.

Okay.

Which means that you can be attracted to me.

Talk about it.

I switch to God.

I was about to answer the question next.

And the first thing that I was going to say.

Go ahead, continue.

Because I know where you're landing.

You can be attracted to me, but you can't.

Like.

Like, we can flirt.

Like, because Libras, we're flirtatious.

That's.

You know, we.

We understand that kind of conversation, but just don't be serious about your flirtation thinking that something possibly is going to happen.

No, you're my friend.

No, I see you in this way, and there's nothing going to change from that.

It's.

It's like when I meet you in a sexual setting.

No, now we're.

Now we're buddies.

No, now we just.

Yeah, we're not gonna be friends after.

We.

No, it's like, I don't know.

Maybe I'm.

Maybe I've changed as I've gotten older, but I need people to understand that you can have attractive friends and not want to fuck them.

Well.

So, yeah.

Yeah, I struggled for a long time.

And I say this from the most humble place because I'm not somebody that thinks that everybody wants them, whatever, but I struggled for a really, really long time as to where I could not make friends.

Because.

Because every friend that I would feel like I was making at some point would eventually come onto me or would later on down the line express some form of secret, like, attraction or feelings for me.

And I'm like, I'm cute, but, bitch, it ain't all that, like, you know what I'm saying?

Like.

Or not even just that, but, like, I don't know.

It's like, I'm just so intentional about how I move.

So my thing is, like, if that's what you wanted in the beginning or if that ever occurred to you, why not have said that then when we were in the position to potentially do something about that?

Like, you, my sister, like, you know what?

I'm saying, like, that's, that's how I be.

Like, girl, okay, listen, you my sister, you my breast.

You know, you my, You.

You my sister.

What are we supposed to do with this?

Like, I can't.

Like, I'm not even gonna be able to take that seriously.

And for me, in my mind, if you're comfortable in that space, that kind of says to me that you've been faking certain aspects of our friendship because you made me feel like that's what this was too.

So, like, whole time you weren't really being my friend.

You were just trying to get close to me so you can get what you really wanted.

That's a little weird for me.

And, you know, I.

Okay, so this, this dates back to.

And I'm probably gonna do a lot of these, like, previous podcast conversations I've had.

So with the daily project, I had somebody on.

His name is Kevin E. Taylor, and he was, he had.

His episode was so great.

He had two episodes at the Conversation, because it's like a three hour conversation.

And he.

If I.

If anybody who needs to look him up, Kevin E. Taylor, he is right now.

He's an awesome man, award winning.

He used to work for bet, Used to do all these different things.

Used to work for Natalie Cole.

He's.

He's an openly gay pastor.

Yes.

He.

He had a, A statement that he said, and it was like, you know, especially as young, gay black men, a lot of us don't know how to build friendships because when we first come out, we, we find out our friends and we don't know, like, our connection with each other, whether we are supposed to brother it, smother it, love it or fuck it, like.

And so we try to go through this whole.

I'm kind of revamping what he said.

But we go through this whole spectrum of every angles to try to figure out where your puzzle piece fits.

And I think that when people say, hey, I'm just looking for a friend, like, I, like I. I love.

Like, like you said before, like, you don't want to go places where you don't know anybody.

I prefer to go places where I don't know, like, I don't know a single person.

So it's like a new person I'm meeting.

Excuse me.

And like a new.

This is like a new vibe, whatever.

But it's still always the same me that people meet.

And this is probably why I know so many people, because I do meet a lot of people.

And then later down, I hear that, you know, oh, my God.

If he would just give me a chance.

Why don't you just ask me?

Don't.

Don't try to be my friend now just so you can.

Within your window.

Like, you know, like, I feel like there's a window, like there's a window like where it's like, okay, we could be cool, but like, if you, you know, if you wasn't suck some dick, you might get.

Suck some dick.

But like, don't let us get close.

And like, now I'm calling you, like, consider you a part of the fold.

And now you telling me you want to suck.

Cuz, girl, what we gonna do with this?

Ain't no way I'll be looking at you and laughing like it's.

It's such an awkward thing.

And I don't get how people don't understand that.

So let me.

And.

And we're.

We're winding out of time, right?

Because you.

No, you're fine.

Keep talking.

Let me ask you, when do you feel someone is not a friend?

I feel like someone.

Oh, that's a good question.

I feel like someone is not a friend when I start to doubt myself with them.

It's not even necessarily anything specifically about them, but I think I've become so self aware and somewhat confident in myself in ways that I probably wasn't before.

I'm so great.

I want to say I'm so grateful for that place of growth and healing.

But when I find myself in spaces where I feel like I'm reverting back to insecurities and reverting back to feeling uneasy and uncomfortable and who knows, maybe sometimes it may be that a person intimidates me.

And that's not necessarily to say that we're not friends, but maybe that's just something I need to work, work, work through.

But yeah, in spaces where I feel unsettled or where I can't feel comfortable to really be myself and feel like I can't be authentic, that's really what makes me question in a moment, like, is this person really my friend?

Because with my friends, I feel nothing but that.

I always feel comfortable.

I always feel at ease.

I always feel safe and secure because that's what we create and nurture within those relationships.

So if I don't have that, it's kind of like, yeah, bitch, we probably not as cool as I thought we were.

Or maybe there's something I need to be focusing on and paying attention to about you that's like getting me to the root of what this issue is and why I'm feeling This way.

What about you?

I, I feel that when you become the topic of conversation when you're not even around, you ain't my friend.

Yeah, you ain't my friend.

You ain't my friend.

When you are in spaces and I'm the topic of conversation and you don't stand up, but you tell me what they say that you don't, you didn't, you didn't stand up.

You're not my friend.

Get up off my face.

Okay, like I, I, I, goodbye.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for your service.

Your time, your time has come.

Okay, goodbye.

And I, I, I don't think you're my friend.

If you are trying to tell me what's best for me based on what's best for you.

Now, look, look, I'm with that.

I'm with that all the way.

I'm with that.

Ooh, look, I almost jumped up out of this chair.

I'm with that all the way.

No, because seriously, like, everybody's different and we all have our own experiences and how we view things and how we process things and the way that things happen for us.

I want to kind of like piggyback off of that.

Like if you make me feel small because I'm doing things differently than you, or if you make me feel judged or attacked because you don't necessarily agree with the way that I'm doing something or with the decisions that I'm making.

Yeah, you, you, you, you're very likely not my friend because I've in, in that relationship that I was talking about before that kind of fell apart at twice.

I was in situations where I would tell them about experiences that I was having and before I knew it, it would be like they were like lecturing me and kind of like going off on me and I'm like, as my friend, I'm not looking for you to agree with everything that I'm saying, my pastor.

But also like, I don't down on me either.

Like we can have conversations where you keep it real with me without you making me feel belittled or like in some way that I'm bad for the way that I think or feel about an experience.

That's that shit I don't like.

And you know, I'm now, I used to be very much in the non confrontational part of Libra that we tend to be in where, you know what?

I, I'm just gonna, I'm, I'm, I don't like this.

I don't like this.

But I'm not gonna say anything Because I don't want to create conversation.

Nope.

Not anymore.

No.

If I don't like something, I, I've become a better advocate for myself by speaking up when it happens or like that.

I want to go to that, I want to get to that.

I'm not there yet.

It's.

And it is not an easy place to get to because oftentimes it can become a very lonely place because people don't like to hear how you make them feel or what you said or did or just they're wrong in the matter.

Right.

Based on your experience and how it, how it just rubs you because people are too, too, too stuck in intention without worry, without actually understanding that again, once again, intention has nothing to do with outcome.

So.

And I used to be very much like that.

And now, you know, I'm start there.

There are just ways that I've.

I feel like I'm a different person than I was last year, you know, and I'm starting to see, I can see clearly now that the rain is gone.

Okay.

I love how things are always brought back because I lost something earlier.

You helped me find it when you brought up being a Libra.

Because I was going to ask you if you can relate to this.

I have to kind of check myself sometimes when it comes to people because there will be people that say, like, I feel like you never reach out to me.

I'm always reaching out to you and I never hear from you.

And then if I don't reach out to you, I won't hear from you.

And I can agree that that is the truth in many instances.

But I tell people often and I feel bad about it sometimes because I wonder, is it a negative thing that I need to work on?

But my truth is, and I'm wondering, can you relate?

I am a person, I am a creature of habit.

And so anybody that I talk to every single day, it's because we've kind of created that relationship over time.

Now if you show me that you want to be a part of my day to day life, I'm going to incorporate you into it because if anything, you're actively reaching out, you're actively being consistent, you're actively being in communication.

And for me, I, you know, we're creatures of balance.

So I'm definitely not going to let you show me up and make me feel like, oh, well, this bitch done.

Take me Monday through Wednesday.

Thursday, I'm jumping to the phone to beat you to text to me because I want you to know that it's important to me to let you know that I think about you and that your friendship is important to me too.

However, it's like, it's one of those things as to where if you allow me, and this is something you said kind of triggered it for me when I thought about it.

Like, if you allow me to not think about you, I won't think about you.

And it's not that I don't care.

It's not that I'll never think about you, but just as far as a day to day basis, as far as actively thinking, like you said, it's kind of out of sight, out of mind.

Like, I'm very.

Like, these are.

This is my core what.

I'm totally focused on what's around me.

So I might randomly think about somebody and be like, oh, I haven't heard from so and so in a while.

Let me reach out and check on them.

But as far as, like a everyday routine, like, I'm checking on you so we can keep in touch.

Like, if you haven't shown me that that's something that you want from me, something in me creates a disconnect that won't allow me to create that with you.

Otherwise, like, I'm very like.

But you got to make me notice you want it.

It.

Show me how bad you want to be a part of this, a part of this team.

What.

What you gonna do for it?

Not literally, but you know what I'm saying?

Like.

That sounds crazy.

No, but seriously, what you gonna do for it, baby?

Not literally, but.

Yeah, but that goes back to like, that's like.

That's the whole like object permanence kind of situation, you know?

Okay.

Out of sight, out of mind kind of kind of thing.

Yeah.

And yeah, I very much relate.

My best friend of over 26 years, Des, right.

I call her my sister.

Everybody who meets her, this is my sister.

We kind of look alike, but we're not related.

But that's my sister, you know, and for.

For a long period of time, I'm gonna say this, like, this.

She be cancering because she's a cancer.

So she needs.

There are certain things that she does need.

Right.

And I think now it took her a while and our friendship has grown and I've seen her through from where she was to who she is now and the greatness, that's like how much she's grown.

And I love that.

But there's been a lot of emotional neediness and like, I'm not always available or nor am I new.

I want to be available for everyone.

So I have not.

I'm not the bravest person for picking up the phone and calling.

I'm not the person that will stop by your house because you live kind of far out of my way and.

But if I'm in your area, I will.

Like, if I'm driving past your house, like, oh my God, I'm driving past where your highway is.

This is your exit.

You know, I, I do that.

That's what I do do.

You're ridiculous.

But that's what I do.

Like if I'm.

If I have a friend, like, I do this with Blair sometimes.

If I'm going somewhere in her area and if I walk past her building, I'll take a picture of myself and wave in front of her building.

So like, lets her know that, hey, I was, I was just in your area.

I was just saying hi.

I was just thinking.

Because I'm thinking about you and I'm trying to be better at those moments where when someone's, when someone crosses your mind to just reach out to them versus I'm gonna call them later and then never happen.

I want to take a brief moment because you brought up Blair and hi Blair.

But since you did bring up Blair, I just want to take a quick moment to say, hey, Chris.

Oh my God.

Oh.

For those of you who don't know, he keeps talking to these.

The other podcast.

Highly melanated.

Say hi to them.

Yeah, yeah, she.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'll say hi back at some point.

I won't even say anything else.

I was like, I do tell him that you got.

I.

You have to meet the other Chris's in my life.

And I said, I said it like this.

He's not a Chris, he's a Christopher.

So you can meet him as.

As the future Mr. Regent.

Now let me stop.

Continue, continue, continue, continue.

But okay, so like my, My.

My older man.

Leave my fright brother alone.

And here's another.

Right.

Oh, and here's a good one.

When someone comes to you saying they're interested in your friend, what is your process for like, let's say that someone is interested in your friend.

And how would you go about that?

It is very.

It depends.

I'll say that it's very case by case.

I think in the past.

It's so funny because I apply most scenarios to my best friend in the past.

I used to think my best friend was the best person on the planet and that nobody was good enough for him.

So it was definitely like protective father.

Like, yeah, we're not doing that.

Nope.

You can't have his number.

Get away from him.

You can't talk to him.

And it was really toxic.

And I, I'm sure there were several people that probably thought that I wanted him, but it was just like, no, I literally genuinely thought that he was one of the best people and that, like, these lame loser bums that was out here trying to get in his pants just want wasn't gonna cut it.

I think at this point I kind of divert to, hey, I think, you know, my person, my friend, is a person that appreciates boldness.

So if you're really interested, go tell him I'm not gonna be on no, like, let me try to set you up type.

I'm gonna encourage you to, like, go and speak to him or her for that matter, because it's like, you know, I think she'll appreciate the value in it coming from you more.

And then if you have an opportunity, at least you can know or even whether you do or don't, you don't have to receive the rejection or the approval from a third party.

You can get it directly.

You know what?

I, I'm sorry, go ahead.

No, you're trying to realize as, as the conversation went on, I gave a trigger warning at the very beginning, and this conversation has not been that triggering.

So I was also, I feel like it could have gone a lot deeper.

We kind of bounced around a little bit.

So, yeah, I think, because I, I, I, I.

If you fast forwarded it to the end because you were concerned about the trigger, you can go back and press rewind.

Because the triggers weren't really that triggering.

It really wasn't.

It really wasn't.

Because I've been, I've been heavily triggered this whole, like these past two weeks.

And, you know, it's, it's been, it's been one thing after another thing after another thing.

And it had to do with relationships with friendships and understanding where Jupiter is right now and what it's doing.

And Jupiter is your social planet.

That's your planet around friendships.

And when I'm telling you the thing that has been going on during this time has really been eye opening for me because I've been paying attention to it and I've been looking at just, just, you know, like when you walk into a room and you just sit quietly.

I've, I, I've never been that person in my 30s, but in my 40s, I have been the.

I'm gonna sit here and observe before I jump in and decide whether I'm gonna add to this conversation or not.

And a lot of times I don't, because I don't feel like it's worth it because you guys ain't my friends.

Because if you were randomly.

Because if you were my friend, what you wouldn't do is talk about.

Talk about me in such a way that.

That gives other people the.

Think they have the authority to do the same in front of people.

Like, if you and I have a.

A thing, let's.

Let's have that thing between us.

Not, like, publicly.

Like, I just.

Playful banter, you know, and then people think that they can.

You will.

And then people find out they can get cussed out.

You know, I don't want to cuss people out.

I don't really want to.

I don't want to see that.

I don't want them to see that side of me.

I don't like.

I don't like that side of the league.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

He's not nice.

I have somebody to curse out right now.

I'm so glad that you reminded me.

No.

And it's funny, and it's so funny, but I'm gonna be honest about it.

So there's this person, and I'm gonna say this really quickly because I am on some time constraints, but there's a person that I recently interacted with, and we met on a social media site.

Not a dating app, but a social media site.

And.

And I've gotten to the point now as to where, like, I used to be really private when it came to giving out my number.

Now it's like, if I ever don't want to talk to you, I just can ignore you and.

Or eventually mute and.

Or block you.

So I'm okay.

If you want it, you can have it.

I'm not worried about nobody.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

My number doesn't give you any real access to me, but no.

So in regard to this particular person, it's like I told them up front, as I tell most people, I'm not currently interested in being sexual or romantic.

I'm not.

They've actively sat in on conversations with me where I've been live, and I've talked about it in depth so they understand my full view.

And I've also talked about how persistence does nothing for me.

I am not absolutely nothing.

It is so annoying.

Steve Urkel, you are not gonna wear me down.

And so it's frustrating for me because I think that based on the fact that they're so interested in that and the fact that they're attracted to me.

So they're trying to attach and apply those things to me.

I'm trying not to be mean or hurtful, but at the same time, it's also still very much like, hey, I told you, you're not getting it.

So now I feel like I'm having to find ways to reiterate it and I'm tired of repeating myself.

But what happened recently that's gonna get they ass cussed the fuck out was the fact that they came into a space where I was having a conversation with somebody and the person asked me, when was the last time that you were alone with somebody that you were attracted?