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Kerrie LaRosa on parenting and education
Episode 1315th October 2021 • Who Needs School? • Joe Vollert
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Trained in clinical social work, Kerrie founded LaRosa Parent Coach after realizing that good parenting leads to curious, responsible and independent kids and young adults. Today we discuss our first teachers--our parents and guardians.

Transcripts

Joe V:

Welcome to the 13th episode of who needs school today.

Joe V:

We're going to take a little, little twist in our conversation and talk about.

Joe V:

The first educators are parents and the role of parenting in education.

Joe V:

Our guest today is Kerry Cahill LaRosa.

Joe V:

She has an advanced degree in clinical social work is the

Joe V:

founder of LaRosa parent coach.

Joe V:

But before we get to our, my chat with her, I tell a little story about my first

Joe V:

educators, my parents in particularly.

Joe V:

I'm the oldest of six kids and we were growing up.

Joe V:

Our birthday was a, was a big deal and we'd get the one gift from mom and dad.

Joe V:

That was always the big gift.

Joe V:

And for my 18th birthday, as I was may of my senior year of high school, and

Joe V:

I was going to head off to Santa Clara for college and for my 18th birthday,

Joe V:

my mom gets me this, this package, they open up and of course I'm thinking

Joe V:

when I get a car or something, And I open it up and it's this green apron

Joe V:

and she's on the opposite end of the table for me to celebrate my birthday.

Joe V:

And she says, okay, stand up.

Joe V:

I want you to hold it up.

Joe V:

So I, I hold up the screen apron and she stands up and she's wearing her apron.

Joe V:

She comes around the table and she says, all right, hold it up

Joe V:

and hold it up in the strings in the back of the apron are tiny.

Joe V:

I'm thinking, man, this is, I mean, come on.

Joe V:

This is what a weird gift for an 18 year old had enough.

Joe V:

And she comes up and she grabs the apron strings and takes a pair of

Joe V:

scissors out of the pocket of her apron.

Joe V:

And she cuts my apron, spray apron Springs, and says you're free to go.

Joe V:

And so for my 18th birthday, she gave me my freedom in some respects that

Joe V:

made it very helpful to come back.

Joe V:

Alright, enjoy our conversations with Carrie LaRosa.

Joe V:

well, a warm welcome to Carrie LaRosa to who needs school carry.

Joe V:

Uh, where does this podcast find you?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Hi, Joe.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Thanks so much for having me.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I am currently in Rockville, Maryland, just outside of DC.

Joe V:

Awesome.

Joe V:

Well, thank you so much for, uh, for doing this.

Joe V:

I really appreciate it.

Joe V:

And I thought we'd just dive right in and if you could.

Joe V:

Talk a little bit about what you're doing now and your path, to get

Joe V:

there and you know, what were the experiences and why are you doing.

Kerrie LaRosa:

All right.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Well, currently I am a parent coach.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I have a degree in social work and what I do is I work with parents to understand

Kerrie LaRosa:

child development, to strengthen their relationships with their children and

Kerrie LaRosa:

help them to raise children who are confident, independent, and emotionally.

Joe V:

Hmm.

Joe V:

And then, so how did how'd you get there?

Joe V:

What was your path to starting this.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So I went to social work school and there's some background to

Kerrie LaRosa:

that, which I can share in a moment.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Uh, and I studied clinical social work with children and families.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, then I was working with, um, children.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, uh, providing individual therapy for them.

Kerrie LaRosa:

But of course, you know, there's the work with the parents, right?

Kerrie LaRosa:

To, to support the therapeutic work and to help with the progress

Kerrie LaRosa:

in between the therapy sessions.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And what I discovered in working with children and families is that

Kerrie LaRosa:

there was another way, uh, to help.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Support families.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Um, and that was to work directly with parents to help equip them with

Kerrie LaRosa:

the knowledge and the skills to be able to be the best parent that they

Kerrie LaRosa:

could be for their specific child.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And so I started my own business and gradually that became,

Kerrie LaRosa:

um, the work that I have been continuing to do for over 10 years.

Joe V:

And I bet there's no, no lack of work.

Joe V:

I mean, we always talk about parents as being the first teachers and,

Joe V:

um, there's certainly a lot about parenting and over-parenting, and

Joe V:

probably a lot of anxiety about what parents should do and love for you

Joe V:

to talk to talk to that in a minute.

Joe V:

But before that, I just want to peel back a little bit.

Joe V:

What, you know, what prompted you to do this?

Joe V:

What is this something you thought about when you were growing up in school

Joe V:

or did something inspire you to do.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So I've always been interested in and helping people

Kerrie LaRosa:

and, um, kind of how the mind works.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, but I went to say nations S I as you know, and the part of SSI, one of the

Kerrie LaRosa:

reasons I love it so much is that there's an aspect of character development.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It's not just academics.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It is about how do you support, you know, the development of the.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Person.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And part of that was our encouragement to think empathically about other

Kerrie LaRosa:

people, people who are struggling, people who are challenged and you

Kerrie LaRosa:

know, to be people, it was for others and then was changed to with others.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So you're working together to.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Move forward to make progress, to gain those skills that you need

Kerrie LaRosa:

to do to have to be successful.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And so that kind of started the bug for me of thinking about what careers

Kerrie LaRosa:

I could have, what I could do that would, where I could be a professional

Kerrie LaRosa:

and still work with people and advocate for them and support them.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And I went to the Jesuit volunteer Corps which led me down a path of doing,

Kerrie LaRosa:

um, paralegal work for nonprofits.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, um, what I found through that work was that people kept

Kerrie LaRosa:

coming in with a sort of saying.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Underlying issues that kept getting them trapped in the legal system.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And so I decided that I was gonna go to social work school to learn more

Kerrie LaRosa:

about the systems and the issues that people face that, um, continuing to sort

Kerrie LaRosa:

of trap them and create barriers to.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Being successful and making progress and being independent.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, I've always loved children and have a passion for

Kerrie LaRosa:

children and child development.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And so that's why I chose to, to focus on clinical work with children and families.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So a long, long road, but

Joe V:

yeah, but it sounds like you, you know, you really paid attention

Joe V:

to you know, to some societal needs.

Joe V:

And gifts that you have that could help improve the lives of the

Joe V:

people that you're dealing with.

Joe V:

Now, I know that this is a kind of morphed into really focusing on parents

Joe V:

and how they, you know, how they parent and, um, we've all been parented, right?

Joe V:

Some, some fashion or another.

Joe V:

And certainly, I think a lot of us have opinions about parenting.

Joe V:

But it's no secret that in today's world there's a L there's a lot of, um, lack of

Joe V:

a better word over-parenting or whatnot.

Joe V:

I think I may have shared with you before the story of my son was going

Joe V:

to be a freshman at Gonzaga university.

Joe V:

And they told a story about this girl who wandered into the housing office

Joe V:

and said, Hey, can I change my room?

Joe V:

And they're like, well, we know.

Joe V:

And she said, uh, well, my, my roommate's mother has been living with us for six

Joe V:

weeks and sleeping on the floor and getting up every morning and taking

Joe V:

her to class as a college freshman.

Joe V:

So it just seemed, you know, it's obviously a bit extreme and yet

Joe V:

there's something there's some drive that parents have to do that.

Joe V:

Absolutely.

Joe V:

What do you, what do you see in your work with parents?

Joe V:

You know, what are some of the major.

Joe V:

Um, themes trends, uh, concerns or opportunities.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Yeah.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So I, that is an extreme example, but you're right.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It, it happens.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And the question I would have is whose need is that being filled there is that

Kerrie LaRosa:

the parents need is that the child's need, and it might be a little bit of

Kerrie LaRosa:

both, either way, not a healthy situation.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Right.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And the reality of it is, is that there are so many.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Societal stress and perceived kind of fear about these terrible things that

Kerrie LaRosa:

are going to come in the future and how terrible our world is right now that it

Kerrie LaRosa:

creates so much fear and anxiety on the part of parents and concern that if we

Kerrie LaRosa:

don't step in as parents, if we don't sort of shift and drive and shape how our kids

Kerrie LaRosa:

learn and Do sports and extracurriculars.

Kerrie LaRosa:

If we don't drive them down the right path, they're never going to get there

Kerrie LaRosa:

and they won't be successful and they won't be able to go to that top college

Kerrie LaRosa:

and they won't get that good job.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Uh, and that's a lot, that's a lot of pressure on a parent.

Joe V:

It's a lot of designing, right.

Joe V:

You're really trying to design the kid in and know, create a

Joe V:

pathway for their experience.

Joe V:

So how do you address.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Well, so let's, let's talk about what happens when you parent

Kerrie LaRosa:

from a place of fear and anxiety.

Kerrie LaRosa:

What ends up happening is when we are feeling anxious and

Kerrie LaRosa:

stressed or fearful, Are Roger.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Roger are logical and rational.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Part of our brain is not working very well.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It's not functioning.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Uh, and so when we parent from that place of fear and anxiety, we are

Kerrie LaRosa:

not making good parenting choices.

Kerrie LaRosa:

We also then create fearful and anxious children.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And we really prevent them from being able to develop the very skills that

Kerrie LaRosa:

they need to be successful, which is to be self-driven intrinsically motivated,

Kerrie LaRosa:

emotionally intelligent, resourceful, independent, and have confidence.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And it's this tough situation and tough balance of when do you

Kerrie LaRosa:

support, when do you step back?

Kerrie LaRosa:

When do you let them make a mistake?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Learn how to recover from that mistake.

Kerrie LaRosa:

When you know that back and forth, that constant sort of tension around, when

Kerrie LaRosa:

do you step in, when do you support?

Kerrie LaRosa:

When do you let them figure it out on their own?

Kerrie LaRosa:

And that's not easy and it's going to be different at each developmental

Kerrie LaRosa:

stage of course, and a little different depending on the child.

Kerrie LaRosa:

But I think being able to reflect as a parent, what is driving

Kerrie LaRosa:

my decision to force my kid to.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Do the swim team or to get this tutor, what am, what is

Kerrie LaRosa:

the intention behind this?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Is this something they really need?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Or is this a need that I have mine or a need that I feel like they shouldn't have?

Joe V:

How, and, and how do you find the parents you work with to be receptive?

Joe V:

Or is there this kind of deep seated resistance?

Joe V:

You're like they hear you, but don't really listen.

Joe V:

You know, how, how has that kind of message.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I think it's really hard to buy into that idea.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It's it's it feels like a risk, right?

Kerrie LaRosa:

If we don't try to control what's happening, we're leaving it up to chance.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And so being able to, uh, Give parents sort of the information and knowledge

Kerrie LaRosa:

about how things actually turn out when you use these strategies or parents from

Kerrie LaRosa:

a place of fear and anxiety to be able to, to give them opportunities to learn

Kerrie LaRosa:

from parents, who've gone through it, who have let their kids gone down their own

Kerrie LaRosa:

path and how that worked out for them.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And it's not always going to work out.

Kerrie LaRosa:

But, you know, forcing them, pushing them, designing them, as

Kerrie LaRosa:

you say, is not necessarily going to work out the way we want anyway.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And the reality of it is, is that without our own passions and, um, Motivation.

Kerrie LaRosa:

We won't be that successful.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Anyway, if somebody else is our external driving force, well,

Kerrie LaRosa:

what happens when that goes away?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Or what happens if it's gets quiet or, uh, what happens if

Kerrie LaRosa:

you just don't want to listen to that external motivation anymore?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Right?

Kerrie LaRosa:

You need to have some of that come from within

Joe V:

we my wife and I raised three kids and other adults, we

Joe V:

always felt like our job was to.

Joe V:

Um, get them out of the house so that they could get, whether it's go away to

Joe V:

college or go, you know, go live on their own, but they could, they could live on

Joe V:

their own, you know, they can handle life and be able to take care of themselves.

Joe V:

Um, and it, there, it was, it was a very interesting experience

Joe V:

because of the external pressures, especially around sports.

Joe V:

Don't.

Joe V:

San Francisco bay area and the peninsula it's produced, you know, some, the

Joe V:

world's best baseball players, you know, like Barry bonds and whatnot.

Joe V:

And there's, uh, there's a great knowledge about, um, an expertise about

Joe V:

baseball and there was just so much.

Joe V:

Um, opportunity and kind of fresher for our boys to play

Joe V:

on these club baseball teams.

Joe V:

And because you felt your, you were like afraid that if you didn't give

Joe V:

them that opportunity, they may not reach their fullest potential.

Joe V:

Now, um, for us, that blew up.

Joe V:

I remember vividly a Sunday night, November, late November.

Joe V:

My son was playing at a baseball tournament down a local, uh, local place.

Joe V:

And they're in the championship on a Sunday night, it was like eight 30.

Joe V:

We were freezing.

Joe V:

And I just sat there thinking this is, I want to be home with my family, having

Joe V:

dinner and relaxing on a Sunday night and spent all day at this baseball park.

Joe V:

And I'm thinking, who do you have to blame for that?

Joe V:

That's your own fault.

Joe V:

And so after that, we just put a kibosh on anything that wasn't really in season.

Joe V:

Yeah.

Joe V:

Also, I think part of it is the, uh, uh, fame and attraction of, uh, what

Joe V:

pro athletes might, you know, uh, offer.

Joe V:

And there's just such a lure.

Joe V:

And I, I, you know, kind of thought back to that and I thought,

Joe V:

do I really wish that on my

Kerrie LaRosa:

kid.

Joe V:

You know, to have that kind of of fame and attention.

Joe V:

I don't know if that's exactly what I'd want for my kid.

Joe V:

Anyway, I digress because parenting is,

Kerrie LaRosa:

so I have to say that I, my husband, I had been struggling with.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Recently as the kids get older and people start moving into these travel

Kerrie LaRosa:

teams and what's best for our kids and our family too, you know, is this just

Kerrie LaRosa:

because everybody else is doing it?

Kerrie LaRosa:

And again, this fear parenting out of the fear that if I don't sign

Kerrie LaRosa:

my kid up for this, what's going to happen to their soccer career.

Kerrie LaRosa:

You know, my nine-year-old soccer career what's going to happen.

Kerrie LaRosa:

If I, you know, do.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Sign her up for this, you know, $4,000 a year travel team.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Well, you know, I've decided that I'm willing to take the chance.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I want soccer to be fun, and I want baseball for my son to be fun.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And hopefully they'll find their own drive and passion to.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Work hard at it or not.

Kerrie LaRosa:

That's okay.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It's really, you know, it, it can impact the family both financially

Kerrie LaRosa:

and time-wise when you push, if the children aren't really driving it.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And it's not always the best thing.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And then there's burnout sometimes as well.

Joe V:

I, I found out what to be one of the fascinating lessons

Joe V:

and perhaps blessings of this, you know, COVID experience that we.

Joe V:

In the past 18 to 19 months, especially when things really shut down.

Joe V:

There were some weekends where we had nothing to do.

Joe V:

And, um, I can't remember that last time that happened.

Joe V:

And it was took a little getting used to, but there, it was also very refreshing.

Joe V:

It was there.

Joe V:

It was.

Joe V:

Recreational recreation, you know, really got a chance to relax it.

Joe V:

And so we've been kind of conscious of trying to build in time like that.

Joe V:

Almost schedule it so that you have, you don't have it, overly planned

Kerrie LaRosa:

for children.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Sorry,

Joe V:

but no, go ahead.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I think it's so good for children, you know, both young and

Kerrie LaRosa:

older and adults too, quite frankly, to have that downtime, they were

Kerrie LaRosa:

uncomfortable with it at first, but then, you know, my kids ended up doing

Kerrie LaRosa:

things that they had never felt like they had time for, or just didn't even

Kerrie LaRosa:

think about because their days were so planned out and structured, but they.

Kerrie LaRosa:

We're building, you know, forts in the woods and going on bike

Kerrie LaRosa:

rides and, you know, doing things that they just don't normally get

Kerrie LaRosa:

too much of an opportunity to do.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And thankfully, some of that has continued.

Kerrie LaRosa:

But kids need to figure out what to do when there's downtime.

Kerrie LaRosa:

You know, they need to rest.

Kerrie LaRosa:

They need to.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I have some time to think for themselves and have quiet thoughts, um,

Joe V:

and learn how to play right.

Joe V:

And not have that design for them.

Joe V:

Right.

Joe V:

And that's the whole idea and art of play is so important.

Joe V:

Let's circle back real quick on the sports thing that you mentioned.

Joe V:

Cause we've been through that.

Joe V:

Right.

Joe V:

And, uh, you may or may not know, but my, I had a son that played college football

Joe V:

and then he spent the last four years.

Joe V:

On and off, uh, practice squads and the NFL he's, you know, he's a high level

Joe V:

athletes trying to play tight end.

Joe V:

And, um, he may, you know, I, I always say that he's probably gonna

Joe V:

curse me on my grave when I died.

Joe V:

Cause we, when he was in high school and had a desire to play

Joe V:

in college, we did nothing.

Joe V:

Like we didn't hire anybody, didn't do anything.

Joe V:

And all I said to him is if you're going to do this, you got it.

Joe V:

Because to play something like that in college or to higher level

Joe V:

takes tremendous intrinsic desire.

Joe V:

Um, and he's gotten as far as he's gotten, um, he's a good athlete, but

Joe V:

he's incredibly focused and he had a deep desire to be successful and to try it, he

Joe V:

wasn't trying to, he wasn't doing it for me and I, that I thought was important.

Joe V:

You know, I could care less.

Joe V:

I just want him to find something that he, um, where he really uses.

Joe V:

But I thought was that was, um, I think helpful for him, you know, to

Joe V:

getting to where he got, you know,

Kerrie LaRosa:

and I wonder what would've happened if you did try to design that.

Kerrie LaRosa:

If instead you saw you're really good at football.

Kerrie LaRosa:

All right.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Let's figure out how.

Kerrie LaRosa:

How we can support you and make you the best player possible.

Kerrie LaRosa:

W we will never know, but I wonder if he would have the same drive or passion,

Kerrie LaRosa:

my guess would be no, because you have.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It would be you, you guys, as the parents would take that over, you would take that

Kerrie LaRosa:

drive and that passion on, and he wouldn't even have the space to develop that

Kerrie LaRosa:

for himself to think about it, whether he wants to do it for himself or not.

Kerrie LaRosa:

But when you let the kids drive their passion, when you let them

Kerrie LaRosa:

sort of take the lead on some of these things, it's an opportunity for

Kerrie LaRosa:

growth in so many different aspects.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And also.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Helps to develop that intrinsic motivation.

Kerrie LaRosa:

That is really so key to committing and to staying focused like

Kerrie LaRosa:

your son is doing without that.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And he probably wouldn't be doing what he's doing

Joe V:

right now.

Joe V:

Right.

Joe V:

And that we're not sure where he is in the, if he's done or if

Joe V:

he's going to have another option.

Joe V:

Um, but he really doesn't know what he's going to do after this football

Joe V:

things over, because he's been so focused on it, but I'm not worried about

Joe V:

because the, the same gifts and skills that he applied and the discipline

Joe V:

and the focus and the effort that he applied to doing this will translate

Joe V:

into whatever he tries to do next.

Joe V:

And so, and he'll be fine because he's developed those kind of

Joe V:

internal resilience and toughness and skills to, you know, to do that.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Absolutely.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And I think that's so key.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Is that such a good point, Joe, is that the, those other skills, those social,

Kerrie LaRosa:

emotional skills, the independence, the drive, the focus, they do

Kerrie LaRosa:

really translate to everything else.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, and we're often very focused on sort of the obvious skill sets of

Kerrie LaRosa:

athleticism or arts or academics when there are these other social, emotional

Kerrie LaRosa:

skills that are so critical and.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Every you do in life, you know, at home, in the community at work, um,

Kerrie LaRosa:

that those, you know, of course, I mean, my background is in social works.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Of course, I'm going to think this way, but the research is coming out strong

Kerrie LaRosa:

that in fact, these social, emotional skills and having emotional intelligence

Kerrie LaRosa:

is so key to, you know, success, whatever that looks like in the future.

Joe V:

Yeah, and those take time and it takes time to develop those,

Joe V:

those skills years of development.

Joe V:

And they're obviously when they're know kids of different ages for, you know,

Joe V:

different, uh, growth opportunities, um, pivot just, uh, just a little bit as in

Joe V:

ask you as a, as a mom you know, school aged kids, as you anticipate, they're,

Joe V:

um, you know, they're going into secondary school and, and, you know, hopefully,

Joe V:

or probably to college beyond that, what are you, what are your hopes, you

Joe V:

know, for their experience in school?

Joe V:

Like, what do you really want their experience to be like in school?

Joe V:

And basically knowing what you know, and doing what you do.

Joe V:

What should schools, especially high schools, what should we be doing?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Well, I think, you know, my kids are very different.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I'm sure you having three kids that they were all different.

Kerrie LaRosa:

They learn differently.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And I think it's so important for.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Kids to feel like somebody sees them for who they are at school.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Um, that relationship in so many aspects of life is so key.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Um, and particularly I think with school, um, the relationship that

Kerrie LaRosa:

staff has with parents and that teachers and administrators have

Kerrie LaRosa:

with students that they make positive assumptions about the students and that.

Kerrie LaRosa:

They truly believe that there aren't bad kids, but maybe kids

Kerrie LaRosa:

who make some bad choices at times.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And, um, that they also provide.

Kerrie LaRosa:

They're not expecting kids to always to fit into a box.

Kerrie LaRosa:

They allow that there's some space.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I hope my children feel like there's some space for them to be themselves at school.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Um, that particularly as they would move into high school, that they

Kerrie LaRosa:

feel like there are opportunities for them to follow their passions.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Whether, you know, with the.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Some hands-on experience, uh, some choice in classes, um, and you know, really

Kerrie LaRosa:

being able to have opportunities to develop those social, emotional skills,

Kerrie LaRosa:

being independent so that, you know, they are expected to, they, there are

Kerrie LaRosa:

high expectations of them they're held accountable and that they're also given.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Opportunities to develop those skills, to recover from mistakes,

Kerrie LaRosa:

to get the support when they need, uh, to follow their passions, to you

Kerrie LaRosa:

know, advocate for themselves for what they may need or want to do.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So really, you know, to sum that up it's about them being able to be themselves

Kerrie LaRosa:

and have choices and gain, you know, the, the social, emotional skills we've

Kerrie LaRosa:

been talking about and independent.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And confidence, you know what I mean?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Not forget about confidence.

Joe V:

Yeah.

Joe V:

And that's, you know, perhaps one of the things that was accident during uh COVID,

Joe V:

you know, we had a lot of schools going to re remote learning, which we did as well.

Joe V:

And as technology and the access to information has changed over the last

Joe V:

couple of few decades, we realized, I th I think that you know, we, we used to

Joe V:

see schools as a repository of infant.

Joe V:

This is where you're going to learn and pick stuff up.

Joe V:

And it doesn't necessarily have to do that.

Joe V:

We could find that information from anywhere and what schools, some of

Joe V:

the values that schools offer is that they are a place for socialization.

Joe V:

And that is so important to human development, that they learn the those

Joe V:

interpersonal relationships and social, emotional skills, you know, But one

Joe V:

of the things perhaps highlighted during, uh, during COVID any, any

Joe V:

other, other thoughts, kind of last thoughts on, you know, this topic

Joe V:

in the, you know, the world you've immersed yourself in as a parent coach.

Joe V:

And as it, especially as it pertains to school,

Kerrie LaRosa:

Yeah.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I mean, think one last thing.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Just kind of piggybacking on what you were just saying, that the

Kerrie LaRosa:

other aspect of wanting, you know following the passion, having choice

Kerrie LaRosa:

and independence, is that the reality of it is we can sit down and learn

Kerrie LaRosa:

something to spit back out on a test.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Right.

Kerrie LaRosa:

But when we are interested, when we're focused, when we

Kerrie LaRosa:

have a passion for something.

Kerrie LaRosa:

We are able to truly learn and develop skills, right?

Kerrie LaRosa:

So that's why, you know, the two year old is able to come up with all these.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Very difficult words for what the different dinosaurs are or

Kerrie LaRosa:

construction vehicles are because they're passionate about it.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So they want to learn and they immerse themselves in it and they

Kerrie LaRosa:

read the books and they talk about it.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And I, you know, that, that doesn't stop when we're passionate,

Kerrie LaRosa:

what we're interested in topic.

Kerrie LaRosa:

We are going to absorb that information so much better.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And particularly for feeling that we're in a place that is.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Safe and we are respected and treated with respect and, um, and that

Kerrie LaRosa:

it's a safe learning environment where you can make mistakes and

Kerrie LaRosa:

have the support, or at least yeah.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Have the support to get back up again and learn from them.

Joe V:

You know, you really touch upon one of the themes that has emerged

Joe V:

as I've talked to folks in this podcast and that's the gift and value

Joe V:

of curiosity, and it's not so much.

Joe V:

Designing what to learn.

Joe V:

Um, learning how to learn is important, but, you know, somehow designing or

Joe V:

inspiring this curiosity, because you're curious there's, you know, it just that

Joe V:

perspective of being curious as opens up a whole world of opportunity and you really

Joe V:

I think you really touched upon that.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Yes, absolutely.

Joe V:

Last bit love to ask if there's anything that you'd recommend reading

Joe V:

wise or something to watch, especially if we've got some young parents out

Joe V:

there that want to raise healthy independence, a responsible citizen.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Yes.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So a couple things check me out on social media for online

Kerrie LaRosa:

classes and webinars that come up.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Also some of the books that I love permission to feel by Marc Brackett.

Kerrie LaRosa:

He is the director of emotional, the Yale center for emotional

Kerrie LaRosa:

intelligence the self-driven child by Ned Johnson and William sticks.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Rude is excellent.

Kerrie LaRosa:

It really touches on some of the themes we were talking about today

Kerrie LaRosa:

about, you know, how do you sort of let your child go and make some of

Kerrie LaRosa:

those decisions, even when it's scary.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And then if you want to look at a really alternative, different perspective on

Kerrie LaRosa:

education and how children learn Based in sort of how they learn naturally

Kerrie LaRosa:

and, uh, based in child development, anything by Peter Gray is great.

Kerrie LaRosa:

He definitely thinks outside the box.

Kerrie LaRosa:

He's a little bit about unschooling, but there's a lot of nuggets of

Kerrie LaRosa:

great information that he has about how children really learn.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And again, sort of tying to these themes of developing these social,

Kerrie LaRosa:

emotional Skills and being becoming self-driven and intrinsically motivated.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So I would definitely check some of his things.

Joe V:

That's awesome.

Joe V:

Those are great recommendations and folks can find you, um,

Joe V:

it's LaRosa, parent coach.com.

Joe V:

Is that correct?

Joe V:

Correct.

Joe V:

Yes.

Joe V:

Great.

Joe V:

And I, and I know you had talked about doing some YouTube videos

Joe V:

and then making some of the work that you do a little more.

Joe V:

Correct?

Kerrie LaRosa:

Yes, absolutely.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Um, COVID has sort of helped me pivot into a world of making some of this information

Kerrie LaRosa:

accessible and affordable, where you can listen to, or watch it whenever you want.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So, you know, check out my website, follow me on social media and

Kerrie LaRosa:

you'll get up to date information on the latest and, um, of courses.

Kerrie LaRosa:

And if there's something that people want to learn more about, I am open to it.

Kerrie LaRosa:

So just shoot me a message.

Joe V:

That's awesome.

Joe V:

Well, I certainly, uh, commend you on your, your good work there's perhaps

Joe V:

no more important thing we do.

Joe V:

Uh, if we have kids that being parents and setting, you know, being

Joe V:

the role model for them and, uh, helping raise them it's a, you know,

Joe V:

a very important responsibility.

Joe V:

Well, Carrie, I cannot thank you enough for joining us.

Joe V:

Just fascinating conversation and, and great work.

Joe V:

So thank you so much for, for being a guest today.

Kerrie LaRosa:

Thank you so much for having me, Jay.

Kerrie LaRosa:

I appreciate it.

Joe V:

Thank you for joining this session of who needs school.

Joe V:

If you like, what you hear, please like us follow us and

Joe V:

recommend it to your friends.

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