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When did your partner last finish talking to you and feel truly heard? Not just listened to, but actually heard. Many of us think listening means staying quiet. Real listening is more active than that.

In this episode, you'll meet Anna and Marcus. Marcus thought he was a good listener, but he was planning his reply while Anna spoke. She could feel it, so she stopped going deeper.

You'll learn how to listen to your partner in a way they can feel. Let their words land, reflect back what they said, and hold off on advice.

Next time your partner stops talking, pause for two full seconds. Then ask one question that shows you were really listening.

Daily Relationship Tips helps couples strengthen relationship communication, rebuild emotional intimacy, restore relationship trust, develop healthy relationship habits, and reconnect before emotional distance becomes permanent.

Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.

When did you last finish talking to your partner and feel truly heard?

Not just listened to, actually heard.

Now, flip this around.

When do you think your partner last felt that way with you?

Hi, I'm Alistair Dewes and this is the Daily Relationship Tips Podcast.

Every episode, I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected and genuinely in love again, one small habit at a time.

Now, here's where many people get their listening skills wrong.

They think listening means staying quiet while the other person talks.

But real listening, the kind that makes someone feel heard, isn't passive.

You're fully tuned in.

You are saying things, such as acknowledging what your partner said or asking questions, or simply summarising your partner's words without giving advice.

And when you do this, your partner can feel the difference straight away, even if they couldn't tell you why.

Now, I see the same pattern in almost every couple I work with who's struggling.

One partner has stopped feeling heard, so they've stopped bringing things up because they already know how it'll go.

The distracted nod, the quick jump to advice their partner, trying to solve their problem or tell them they're wrong.

They know their partner is just waiting for them to finish instead of really taking in what they're saying.

Now, I. I was working with a couple, I'll call them Anna and Markus.

Anna came in quiet, a little withdrawn.

When I asked her how communication was between them, she said something simply and without drama.

He hears my words, but he doesn't hear me.

Markus looked genuinely confused.

He thought he was a good listener.

He wasn't interrupting, he wasn't dismissive, but he was doing something that undid all of that.

He was already formulating his response while she was still speaking.

And Anna could feel this.

She could see him waiting to speak.

And so she'd learned to keep things short, surface, level.

She'd stopped going deeper because deeper wasn't safe.

So feeling heard, that's what every person in a relationship actually needs.

Not advice, not solutions, not your turn to speak.

They need to feel that you are genuinely with them, taking in not just the words, but the experience behind them.

The practical difference of listening this way is both small but enormous.

So instead of thinking about your response while your partner speaks, let their words land.

Make eye contact, think about the feeling behind what they're saying.

And when they finish talking, reflect back what they said before you respond, say something.

It sounds like that was really frustrating.

Or I can hear why that mattered to you.

Ask a question that shows you've absorbed what they said.

Not just the first question that occurred to you.

This is what I'd love you to try.

In the next conversation you have with your partner, put your mental response on pause and listen to understand, not to reply.

And when your partner stops talking, pause for two full seconds before you say anything.

Then ask one question that proves you are really listening.

Marcus tried this.

Within a few sessions, Anna started talking again.

Not cautiously really talking.

So think again about when was the last time your partner felt genuinely heard by you?

Then ask yourself what might change if they felt that every day.

And if this change matters to you, Decide today to practise listening to your partner better each and every time you can.

Now, here's a question worth answering before you how connected is your relationship right now?

Most people just guess, but you don't have to.

There's a free two minute quiz at Daily RelationshipTips.com that'll tell you exactly where your relationship stands and where the easy wins are hiding.

Take it today and find out how to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship.

And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.

Everything you need is waiting there for you.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.