Have you ever asked God for an answer—but didn’t like what He said? In this honest and heartfelt episode, host Nina Pajonas explores the painful truth behind toxic relationships and the self-deception that keeps us bound to people and patterns God has told us to let go of.

If you’re ready to stop lying to yourself and start living in the freedom of God’s truth, this episode will stir your spirit and strengthen your walk.

💌 Have a story to share or need prayer? Please email me at ninapajonas@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you!

📖 Ready to go deeper? Order my book, From Broken To Butterfly, on Amazon today! ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/8kK4hj1⁠⁠

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Born to be a Butterfly © 2025 Nina Pajonas All rights reserved. The content of this podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. The views expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of any affiliated organizations. For a full disclaimer, visit ⁠⁠ninapajonas.com⁠⁠.

I was in my friend's living room,

sitting across from her on the couch.

When I told her that I had asked God a very important question but that I hadn't heard back from Him.

She just sat there for about a minute.

She stared at me but didn't say anything.

It was that awkward silence that fills a room right before someone tells you something that you don't want to hear.

Finally she said,

are you listening, Nina?

You asked God a very important question,

but have you truly listened for his answer?

I was stunned.

Her question made me question myself.

Had I heard from the Lord?

I left a couple of hours later and thought about her question.

I mean,

I really thought about it.

And here's the truth that I discovered after I was completely honest with God had answered me.

I just didn't like his answer.

I wanted a different one.

So I waited for the Lord to change his mind.

It's not that I didn't hear him.

I just didn't want to obey.

We can wait years waiting for the Lord to give us a different answer,

a different truth. But that will never happen because there is only one version of the truth.

The only truth is the Word of God.

And when he gives us an answer,

it's not going to change.

Welcome to Born to Be a Butterfly,

where we embrace healing and growth in Christ to experience true transformation.

My name is Nina Pajonis, and today's episode is called Toxic the Lies We Tell Ourselves.

For much of my life,

I avoided anything that felt too heavy,

too hard,

or too painful to confront.

I would avoid it at all costs because I didn't want to acknowledge the truth of what was happening because what was happening hurt.

I didn't want to feel it,

so I would deny the truth of the situation.

I did it in my relationships with men.

I knew when they weren't meant for me.

I knew they couldn't give me what I wanted.

But I stayed with them anyway.

I tried to change myself into the type of woman that they would love or like.

I would put up with their behaviors so that I could stay with them.

I didn't want them to leave me because I had abandonment issues.

But they did leave.

They all left.

And why wouldn't they?

I didn't love myself,

so how could they love me?

There were a lot of reasons I lied to myself,

and they all came from a very broken my heart.

We must end toxic relationships that don't serve us well.

You know who I'm talking about?

The people who constantly push your buttons or who affect you negatively every time you See them,

that's a red flag.

If you feel worse after you've spent time with them.

Every time you've spent time with them,

that's a red flag.

If you feel betrayed or barely tolerated, at best,

it's time to leave.

And it's time to stop lying to yourself.

It's not going to get better, sister.

It's only going to make you bitter.

I know it's hard not to take it personally.

It's very difficult not to take such things to heart. But it's not a reflection of you,

it's a reflection of them.

It can be neglect on their part or negative behavior in abundance. But either way we cannot allow it.

We cannot tolerate toxicity.

Let's see what the scriptures have to say about it.

Make a tree good and its fruit will be good.

Or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad.

For a tree is recognized by its fruit.

You brood of vipers. How can you who are evil say anything good?

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him.

And an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

You will recognize people by their fruit.

If their fruit is envy, if their fruit is contention,

if their fruit is criticism.

And by criticism I mean when you're always the problem and they never are,

that's a problem.

That's a toxic relationship and you need to let go of it.

Let go and let God handle it.

Walk away.

He will replace what you had to release.

He'll replace it with what's meant for you and what's good for you.

Because He's a God of provision.

He's a God of protection and he's a God of love.

If we know what we need to do,

but we're not doing it,

it's self sabotage.

We're accepting behavior that is hurtful and harmful.

We're saying it's okay that you treat me that way.

It's okay that you're not there for me in my darkest hour.

But I'm always there for you and yours.

It's okay that you're not a good friend.

I'll just pretend I don't realize that you're my frenemy.

Maybe if I keep pretending that you care,

one day you actually will.

I'll keep trying to make this work even though I know that you're not for me.

You're against me in those relationships or situations.

We are pretending Things are what they aren't.

And when we do that, we're deceiving ourselves and we're helping the enemy.

Because in some cases,

and I hate to say this, I really do,

but in some cases,

the enemy is using those people to deter or destroy us on our walk.

When you turn a blind eye and act like you're not intelligent enough to put the pieces together,

you're intentionally choosing not to see the full picture,

which is not only detrimental to you,

it's dangerous.

It's bad enough that the enemy lies to us, but when we lie to ourselves,

we make his job much easier.

We wind up co creating with the enemy instead of with Christ.

The Father of lies attacks us externally.

He uses people,

places and things outside of ourselves to deceive and destroy us.

Don't get me wrong,

he has a lot of stuff to work with.

But don't you forget that we have the Holy Spirit inside of us.

The power of the one true living God lives inside of us.

As is said in 1 John 4:4,

you dear children are from God and have overcome them because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Since we're discussing the need to be honest with ourselves,

let's start right now.

You know, there have been times when the Lord has revealed someone's true motives to you and you chose to ignore Him.

I'm not shaming you, sister.

We've all done it.

I speak from experience.

We start arguing with God,

saying things like,

you tell me that I should turn the other cheek.

You tell me that I'm your handsome feet.

I'm just trying to help you with your other children.

We validate being a victim by saying it will lead to a spiritual victory.

We do this when God's clearly saying,

they might be acting like a child of mine,

but they aren't.

They are not working for me,

they are working for the enemy.

The truth hurts sometimes and we have to accept that.

When we pretend we don't hear what the Lord is saying about these people, we or these situations,

or if we pretend we don't hear what he's saying about us,

our walk,

things we can't do, things we shouldn't do,

things that he doesn't want us to do.

If we choose to ignore those things,

we are only hurting ourselves and we need to know why we are doing that.

We need to analyze the part of us that believes that we're unworthy of the very best that God has for us.

We must figure out why we keep accepting the Things that are not meant for us.

Or we will never have the abundant life that God longs to give us when we keep people in our lives that are not meant for us,

the ones that the Lord is trying to remove.

It's like holding on to a corpse.

Then you wonder why you feel dead inside.

You're holding on to a dead thing,

a dead relationship.

Or maybe it's a season that's coming to an end.

The Lord has made it absolutely clear that he's closing a door in your life.

He wants to close it behind you as you leave,

but you keep walking back in.

Why?

Again,

it's not just you.

It's me too.

I've done it plenty of times, but I'm learning not to do it anymore.

Because the Lord spoke very clearly to me about it.

He said, when I do that,

I'm going backwards spiritually because I'm refusing to move forward into the future he has for me.

Please hear me when I say this.

Even wonderful places can turn into a wilderness.

If we stay longer than we should,

then we become weary and we wonder why we're so tired until we finally realize that we've been living in our own will.

I'll refer to Romans 8, 12, 14 NIV Therefore, brothers and sisters,

we have an obligation.

But it is not to the flesh to live according to it.

For if you live according to the flesh, you will die.

But if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body,

you will live.

It's good to turn down the noise of the world to listen to the Lord.

But it is not good to turn down the voice of the Lord to listen to the world.

When we disregard discernment,

we are throwing wisdom out the window.

When we ignore the Holy Spirit,

we are being disobedient.

It's that simple.

We're undoing the work that God is doing in us.

We spiritually stunt our growth because we're rejecting the truth for a lie,

which means that we're conforming to the world instead of transforming in Christ.

When we lie to ourselves, we regress instead of being redeemed.

Don't be fooled, sister.

A large part of spiritual warfare is getting us to self destruct.

We have to focus on the facts,

not the feelings.

Take your feelings out of the equation and just look at the facts.

Look at what they tell you,

then make your decisions accordingly.

We can't focus on the warm, fuzzy feelings that we have for people,

places or things.

We have to focus on the facts because they are unchanging.

Look at the truth of the situation because the truth is the only thing that will set you free.

The lies you tell yourself never will.

It takes courage to accept the fact that someone we love doesn't love us,

but I'd rather recognize where love doesn't live than live a lie.

I'll refer to John 8 verses 31, 32 and I if you hold to my teaching,

you are really my disciples,

then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

We have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves when relationships don't work out the way we want them to.

Trust me when I tell you that self pity slips right into self sabotage.

We start off feeling bad for ourselves, but that can quickly turn into doing bad things to ourselves.

We have two self sabotaging behavior that sends us into a sin spiral or self sacrifice which is part of the sanctification process.

The first provides pain with no purpose,

but the second provides pain that leads us to our purpose.

Sometimes the sacrifice we put on the altar for God is a relationship that doesn't serve us well.

Sometimes it can be something else entirely.

But I'll tell you what it always putting ourselves on the altar.

Because as scripture states,

we are to be living sacrifices.

We have to let the Lord remove things in our lives to make room for what's next and remove the things within us that hold us back from being our very best.

God removes and then replaces so don't fear the void sister.

The Lord will fill it with more of Himself,

which is exactly what we need.

I'm going to refer to John 14,

verse 6. NIV Jesus answered,

I am the way and the truth and the life.

No one comes to the Father except through me.

I'm going to break that down as I understand it,

so listen carefully.

Jesus is the way.

We follow the Lord because His ways are higher than ours and they make us better women.

Jesus is the truth.

We can no longer tolerate living a lie or lying to ourselves.

Jesus is the life.

If we want fulfilling lives that lead to eternal life,

we must walk in his will,

not our own.

If this episode stirred something in you,

please bring it to God.

Ask him to reveal any areas where you've lied to yourself or resisted his voice.

The Lord will not shame you.

He invites you into the truth so he can set you free.

Let's pray.

Faithful Father,

help us to stop deceiving ourselves and to start trusting you.

Make us still enough to hear your voice clearly and brave enough to obey what you say,

especially when it's not what we want to hear.

Remind us that your truth is always better than any lie we cling to.

You are the way, the truth, and the life,

and we want to follow you fully and faithfully.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

If you know of someone who is struggling with toxic relationships or self deception,

please share this episode with them.

If you'd like to learn more about how God led me through healing and transformation in my recovery from addiction,

you can find my book From Broken to Butterfly on Amazon.

If you have any questions or want to connect with me, send me a DM on Instagram @ Born to be a Butterfly or email at ninapajonas@gmail.com. I love hearing from you.

Until next time.

Remember,

the Lord can turn your wounds into wings.

You were born to be a butterfly.