What if your darkest chapter wasn’t the end of your story—but the beginning of something new?

In this honest and hope-filled episode of The Collide Podcast, we sit down with Leeana Tankersley to talk about what it looks like to hope in the middle of devastation, rebuild when life falls apart, and welcome new possibilities after loss, disappointment, or unraveling. Leeana shares wisdom from her own journey as a writer and woman of faith, inviting us to release our grip on hoping for specific outcomes and instead learn how to hope in God—especially when the future feels uncertain.

Whether you’re walking through your darkest chapter, piecing your life back together, or standing on the edge of something unknown, this conversation offers a gentle reminder: beginning again is holy work, and you’re not behind.

Meet Leeana

Leeana Tankersley is a writer, editor, university writing professor, and the author of six books including Brazen, Breathing Room, Begin Again, and Hope Anyway. With two English degrees and over two decades of experience in faith-centered storytelling, Leeana helps women step out of hiding, reclaim their voice, and live fully. Her work has been featured in CNN, Huffington Post, and Publishers Weekly. She lives in Central Virginia with her three teenagers and her mischievous Labradoodle, Rosie.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

1. How to hold hope in the face of your darkest chapter
2. What rebuilding your life can look like after everything falls apart
3. Why letting go of hoping for can open the door to hoping in
4. How to welcome new possibilities when the future feels fragile
5. Why beginning again is not failure—but faith

How This Episode Will Encourage You

If your life feels like it’s in pieces—or you’re wondering how to keep going when hope feels thin—this episode will meet you with compassion and clarity. You’ll be reminded that God is still at work, even here, and that no matter how many times your story has been rewritten, always, we begin again.

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Hey, there. Welcome to the Collide Podcast. This is Willow, and I'm super excited to hand you this interview with Leeana Tankersley.

She's someone who's spoken into my story, and today I'm confident that she will be used by God to speak into yours. She. She has so much spiritual wisdom. She's so real and honest and beautiful. And this woman has written six books.

She's a mom, a writer, a university professor, a freelance editor, and a writing coach. And we talk so much about her story and now how God's using her story to speak into other people's.

And I just can't wait to have you experience what she has to say. So check it out.

Leeana, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast, because listeners might not know, but you have jumped into my book, you know, in an earlier iteration of what it is today, and helped speak into the story and edited it. And so, you know all the nooks and crannies of my life and how messy it is.

And so I'm so excited that I get to ask you questions about your story and your life today. This is so fun.

So awesome. Thank you for having me, Willow. And I do feel like that. I feel like I know a whole lot about you, sister.

Uh. Oh, well, the fact that you know all these things and you said yes to this makes me feel good. I'm so glad. Of course. Of course. You.

There's so many things that you do. You're a mom and a writer. You're a university writing professor, a freelancer, editor, a writing coach. You've written six books.

I mean, talk to us about the first moment in your life where you realize God could use your voice to say something.

Oh, wow, what a great question. Here's what comes to mind. You know, I had always loved writing, and I had always been drawn to writing that evoked something in me, even as a child.

And I would write poetry.

You know, my parents got divorced when I was nine years old, and one of the ways that I managed my big feelings around that was to write poetry about Collide sdales and animals and nature. And so writing was something I always turned to as a way to process my interior world, I think.

And I always appreciated the writers that touched my interior world.

And I had been keeping a journal throughout our time there in the Middle east because it was such a vibrant, different foreign world to me. And there were so many things that brought me alive and awake in that experience. And I was sitting on the floor journaling with a candle lit, and.

And God encouraged me through that. That voice that is unmistakable and often very persistent. Get up and go to your computer. And he gave me a. A publishing house, Zondervan.

And it just put that. God just put that word in my ear. Zondervan. Zondervan. And I thought, that is so we. Weird. Like, what? What?

And I looked up Zondervan, and they were hosting a writing contest. And I entered that writing contest, and that led to my first book being published. And here's how that made me really.

I didn't know that.

That's crazy. This is how that made me feel, like I might have something to say. I was sitting on the floor in the Middle east saying, God, where are you?

God, what do you want to do with my life? And God directed me. And I consider that moment to be my calling into writing.

And it wasn't so much about publication, and it wasn't so much about winning this contest. It was about God listening and directing me and showing me, this is not going to be an easy path, but here's what I want you to do.

And I knew there was something there. And it hasn't been an easy path.

And it's unfolded in all kinds of weird, cattywampus directions with lots of detours and questions and doubts at times. But I always come back to that moment, sitting there on the floor, realizing that God called me into sharing my story.

And if I can come back to that, when I get worried, anxious, when things get murky, when I go back to that moment, I have the chills right now. All of a sudden, everything gets real clear. Willow. You just show up and you write. You share your life. You share your life through the written word.

So I think that moment I come back to a lot, because we need those moments of Clari. Life can get very confusing, and a lot of voices can come at us.

And it's important to have those moments where we say that that's a stone of remembrance in my life. So that's what I come back to when I think about being called in so powerful.

I think when you hit days where you're questioning everything and you're discouraged and you're second guessing yourself to go back and be reminded.

It's almost like you're having a fresh calling again because you're being re reminded of the thing that God whispered to you or shouted to you or said to you in the first place. I love that so much. So you, you entered a writing contest, you won, you published a book, and now you've published six books.

What have you experienced in how God is using your story to impact other people's stories?

I think some of the feedback that I get from my writing is that it's honest and I have not shied away from the hard parts of my story.

And I believe that we need people to talk about how they're really doing, what they're really going through, what they're really struggling with, and also where God showed up. And I think we need voices that do that in transparent ways.

And so I think that's one of my strengths, honestly, is that I can be transparent with the pain that I've been through, with the mistakes that I've made, with the questions I have. I realized really early on, like, I didn't need to be someone who had all these answers.

I would actually serve people better by bringing up good questions because that's where most of us are living. And so I do have answers in my life.

I do know the love of God and the salvation of God in my life, but I have a lot of questions about just about everything else. Right.

And so I think that's how I try to show up in my writing life and in my regular life, in my real life is asking good questions and not not shying away from vulnerability.

It's super interesting to me because you, you set out, you did this contest, you get to write your first book. I would imagine by book six, much of your life has changed, your perspective has changed.

Maybe you experience things that you never thought you'd experience, and here you are being vulnerable again and writing about those things. What's it like for you to look back from book six down to book one and be like, whoa, not only was I writing a story, but my story was being written.

Oof. That's a great way of saying it. Well, my life on books one through five was on a really clear trajectory.

And I was, you know, I was growing up and becoming. And I wrote about my marriage, I wrote about becoming a mother and starting to raise young children.

And then between books five and six, the rug got pulled out from under me in my life. And I know we have people listening who have been through unexpected life derailments.

And I found out fairly out of the blue that I was going to be going through a divorce. And that led to. And I had three small children at the time.

That led to me moving across the country from the west coast to the east coast so I could be closer to family with my kids and reestablishing myself in a new life, rebuilding my life.

And so what came out in book six, which is titled Hope Anyway, is how do we continue to be people of hope after we've gone through a significant life derailment? Where is hope in our lives? Because I am not a cynic. If you know me, you know that I am just going to always be a positive person.

But also, it can be hard to trust that God has good plans for our lives when those plans go sideways, when the plans that we have go sideways. And so I had to. I decided to show up and write about. It's not a salacious expose about a divorce.

The book is about how do we maintain and recover and continue in a relationship with hope even after the hard thing happens. How do we find hope, anyway?

And that book was for any woman who got a diagnosis, who lost something irreplaceable, who had a plan and had a trajectory, and it all changed and still wanted to show up in their life as a whole person. And so I explored that concept in Hope. Anyway, so to answer your question, I needed to give you that little bit of feedback or that background.

But to answer your question, it's vulnerable. It's the most vulnerable book I wrote, and I had to talk about my life falling apart and the. The work of rebuilding it.

And yet I believe that God uses the hardest parts of our stories, as you know.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, I was interviewing Annie F. Downs last year, and she was asking in front of a conference room full of people what my book was about, because she's like, you know, write about. You know, she was encouraging people to, like, do the thing that is, like, their biggest passion that ties in with their story.

And, you know, she writes about having fun and joy. She's like, what's your book about? And I'm like, pain. I wish it was about, let's take field trips with God and have fun, but let's talk about.

I want to really pause and talk to the people listening right now who feel like they got the rug pulled out from underneath them and they're facing something they never expected, that they don't want to be a chapter in their story. And they have to kind of figure out what it looks like to start over or reset.

What's your advice for them when they're struggling right now with having hope?

Yeah, well, there's two different kinds of hope. And I learned this. And it's, you know, we're hoping for things and hoping for things. It's like, it's all about outcomes.

Like, I'm wishing for the Chargers to win the super bowl, or I'm hoping for it to snow on Christmas, or I'm hoping my life looks a certain way.

And what I learned and what probably that woman that you're speaking of is learning, is that she doesn't have a lot of control over the outcomes in her life. We just don't always.

We are in relationships with other people who have agency and can make decisions, even decisions they said they would never make. And so what I learned about hope is I gotta switch my thinking of hoping for outcomes. And what am I hoping in? And hoping in is faith. So.

And we can control that. We can say, what is my hope in? Is it in a perfect life? Is it in a full bank account? Is it in a New York Times bestselling book?

Is it in children that say out of trouble? Is it in a polished, perfect image of a marriage? No, my hope can't be in those things because I don't have complete control over those things.

My hope is in at the end of the day, God. And also I realized a few things that I could put my hope in. I could put my hope in God, my faith.

I could put my hope in the support system that God brought around me during that time. And that's a huge piece of advice that I have for women. Like, you have got to have support to go through a life derailment.

Sometimes you gotta pay for that support. Sometimes you can gather your girls and get them together and they'll be there for you. But you have to have support.

And that's something that I could hope in as well. Not just God, but also the gorgeous community that God brought around me during that time.

And then I began to realize that I could put some hope in myself. And, like, I can. I can trust myself as I begin to rebuild, rebuild this life of mine. And I'm not ruining it all. I can do it.

I can make some good decisions here, and I can be wise and God can give me wisdom. So that's one really big thing, is, like, we have to switch our mentality when it comes to hope. Like, from hoping for to hoping in.

And I encourage that woman to Sit down and say, what is my hope in? Is it in reconciliation? Is it in financial stability? You just can't control any of those things. You can't always.

How do you move from hoping for things to hoping in. I know, like, the Sunday school answer is, like, we're supposed to hope in Jesus, but when you've realized that you banked on all of these things.

Yeah.

And then they get stripped from you.

Yeah.

How do you go, oh, my goodness, Like, I was hoping in things that can be taken, and I wasn't putting my hope in God. What's like a switch that. That you can make that actually feels genuine and real?

Yeah, it's a great question. I think when you're in the dark. When you're in the dark, there aren't a lot of options. A lot of things have been stripped and what's left?

So there's always something left. And there's a beautiful quote from Barbara Brown Taylor, who's a spiritual writer that I love, and she. She wrote this. New life starts in the dark.

Whether it's a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, new life starts in the dark.

And I think when we're in that dark place and everything's been stripped away from us, we open our hands and we say, okay, God, I have to believe here. I'm going to choose to believe that sometimes an ending is also a beginning. And so show me what is around me that I can put my hope in.

Because we're in the dark moment. The lights are off, so what are the pin lights that you can start looking for?

And I believe God will come and sit in those dark places with us and start bringing new life to bear. But we have to surrender. We have to say, okay, my hands are open. What do you have for me?

What did that moment look like for you when you faced the unexpected loss of your marriage and you had kids and you were like, I have to start over.

You know, God parted the Red Sea. Just going to say that God parted the Red Sea. In my life, I was. Oh, I was just in so much pain, and it was so hard.

And then there was a clear way that was made for me to go be near family and to go live in a place where the cost of living was more affordable and to rebuild in this little apartment by the river and where it was really green and lush and God made a way. And it was.

People looking from the outside in would say, that was a complete step backward in my life in terms of finances and image and what I had, but it felt whole.

It felt like God opened up a way for me to be whole and to go be with what mattered to me and live in my values and be near people that love me and were here to support me and to get out of a situation that was toxic. And so I guess that's what we're. But here's the thing, Willow, that required I had my life looked. I had to completely change my life.

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You rebuilt your life, obviously, with God as your contractor, but you. You rebuilt your life. And I'm curious now, years later, what do you think that modeled for your kids?

I love that question. We can do a lot with the love and support of people around us, and I think it modeled for my kids that you can begin again.

It might be the hardest thing you ever do, but it's possible. I always say that to women who are in that spot. It's the hardest thing you're ever going to do. And it's entirely possible.

And I think my kids may need that someday. That reminder. It's interesting.

One of my books is called Always we begin again, and that's a quote from St. Benedict, which I have loved and held onto for over a decade, because that is life. We always have to begin again, and it doesn't always have to be a crisis, but life is not a steady state.

You know, it changes, and we have to be willing to change. And so when I wrote that book, I thought, I want to look up the word begin and understand what it means to begin again.

And the etymology of the word begin, to open up or to cut open. And I thought about that, like, when we have to begin, when we have to be a beginner in our lives all over again, it's hard.

You're writing a book, Willow. You know, like, being a beginner is hard, and it requires us to have to open up and to be cut open even at times.

And so I hope that models to my kids that okay to be a beginner, it's okay to have to begin again, and that it requires us to open up. And it's hard, but we can do it with love and support.

Well, and I'm sure that, you know, there were alternatives, but you chose hope. You chose to like, come out with hope and with faith and believe. You talk a lot about welcoming possibility.

The alternative for us is what I mean, because I think. Talk to us about how we often limit the possibility of what God can do in the dark and what God can do when we've lost everything.

Talk to us about how important this idea of welcoming possibility is.

Yeah, of course. Like, I want control. I want to, like, white knuckle control every aspect of my life.

And I believe we miss some of the great gifts that God has for us when we are so, you know, have a vice grip on our own lives. And so possibility is also saying, I'll open myself up and I'll. I'll surrender. I'll open my hands and I'll trust that perhaps there's a.

There's things I can't see, there's ways I don't know. And it's vulnerable. I'm not going to say it's not vulnerable. Of course it is. But I don't know. I guess I'm going to turn 50 this year, Willow.

And I just more than ever realize, like, my own attempts at controlling and locking down my own life are actually the times that I've been the most lost and the most hurt. It's the times when I'm surrendered and my hands are open and I'm saying what is possible? Okay, God, I'm in the dark, and I need you.

That's when God parts the Red Sea for us. Instead of us trying to, you know, wave by wave, it's futile. Try to make a path for ourselves. I think it's futile. And so.

And you go through that a couple times, and you realize, God. God hears, he sees, he cares, he loves, he answers. And you begin to build on that. But, yeah, I just don't feel like control is the way.

Tell us about. You know, you've done a lot of work with women.

You've seen ways where we're controlling our lives or have it on lockdown or where we don't believe we're not welcoming possibility. What do those lives look like? Like, what are some examples of? Like, hey, we might be doing that right now?

Because I think there could be women listening who are fully doing it, but they don't see it in themselves. So what are some ways that. That we do that?

You know, I'll give you an example from my own life. You know, you go through a crisis with your kids, and you just want to stay in that trauma bond. I call it the crisis pod.

And I want to, like, wrap my Arms around my kids and never let them out of my house. I don't want them to drive. I don't want them to leave. I don't want. I, I just want to.

Like, it's hard to let them grow up and become, and walk out the front door and be normal. And I think sometimes we hold on too tight because we have been through a hard thing and we don't want to go through any more hard things.

And so we're trying to avoid that by holding on way too tight to our children, to our partner, our spouse, trying to control everyone's behavior, control the environment, and suffocate possibility because of fear. Hmm. Because we're afraid, you know, and, you know, some of the other ways that we do that is we are, many of us are being stared.

We have opportunities. We have opportunities for a new relationship, to go on a date and just see. We have opportunities for new career paths.

We have opportunities to take a risk. And we just. No way, no way, no way. We just lock it down because we're, we're terrified. And it looks like a lot of fear.

It can look like a lot of shame. You know, anytime you feel vulnerability, shame comes in and says, you better knock that off, you're going to get hurt. You know, lock it down.

And so maybe we're living under this like heavy blanket of shame where it's like, oh, I can, I'm not, you know, not me. I could never do that. And we just were debilitated by anger. You know, we're so angry. And so we're, we're trying to make sure everybody knows.

And in a really subtle sideways way by how hard we slam the, the kitchen cabinets. You know, we're punishing everybody around us because we're so angry. And I don't know, I just, I understand it. Of course we're entitled to our anger.

It's human to feel shame. Fear can help us sometimes even. But it's not the way, it's, it's not the open handed way to live that I think grants us the greatest gifts.

But yeah, I think if you're a person, if you're a woman listening and you are debilitated by shame, fear, anger. That's a good clue.

Talk to us about your experience here. You know, God parted the sea. You are in an apartment by a river.

You said it was green and lush and you're surrounded by people you love and you're rebuilding your life again.

We talk a lot around here about colliding with Jesus, like experiencing, you know, the living God showing up in the mess, in the pain, and bringing about healing. And I'm curious how you experienced him in that season. And you also part B of my questions.

You keep talking about this idea of surrendering and not controlling. Can you invite us into what your relationship with Jesus started to look like as you started to kind of let go of the vice grips that you talk about?

Totally. And here's a great example, and it's kind of funny because. And here's what comes to mind. So we lived in an apartment.

These loft apartments, historic loft apartments. It was super cool, but I'd never, like I'm in an urban setting with three little kids and a three year old labradoodle dog.

And that dog has to go out like how many times a day? Three, four times a day. So my sister was also living nearby.

And so I could leave the kids and go walk the dog because there was a family member, it was safe to do so. And my door locked. But many times a day the kids would come with me some. But many times a day I would have to go walk this dang dog, Willow.

And I was just like this dog.

I. I bought this puppy right when the Christmas after, just a few months after I found out about the divorce, because I felt like the kids are going to need comfort and fun and a distraction. So I got this puppy. So we take this puppy with us all the way to the East Coast.

But now I'm in this apartment and I've got a fricking deal with this dog. And she was the bane of my existence. I was like such a martyr about it, you know, I'm so tired. I'm going through such a hard thing in my life.

And here I've got to walk Rosie four times a day. So I'd be out there. And you know, they say grief is somatic. Like it's in your body and you've got to move it along.

And if it were up to me, I would have locked down in that apartment and never left. I would have just kept everybody close and I would have only left to go eat and take kids to school and everybody huddle back together.

But I had to get outside and to walk that dog through the snow, through the cherry blossoms, through the humidity and fireworks, through the fall leaves. And my relationship with Jesus because of having to walk that dog.

It was a required prayer time four times and also an invitation to get up, move my body and let the grief work out. I would cry and walk that dog. I would cuss and walk that dog, I would pray, I would sing. And I. I also.

Nature is, like, so healing and cathartic, you know? And that bilateral stimulation that happens in our brain when we walk, I mean, I probably walked miles and miles and miles and miles and so.

Oh, sorry. Speaking of the dog.

Speaking of dogs.

I know that's her right there. Seven years old now.

I think that that was an unexpected way that Jesus was with me, walked with me and comforted me and helped me metabolize my grief. And I think Jesus does that.

I love this. I actually love that you're talking, barking right now. This is so unplanned, everybody. I love that you start talking about walk.

I bet your dog heard the word walk. Because when I say, want to go for a walk? My dogs go crazy.

It's so true. Oh, my gosh. She probably did hear that. And she's like, are you talking about me? Get the leash, girlfriend.

Right? She's like, let's go.

So I feel like Jesus does this, though. And it's. Sometimes it's funny.

It's just like, here I am with a bag, following after this dumb dog who won't go to the bathroom, and she took so long to go to the bathroom, too. And it was just like.

But after a while, I just laughed about it because it was like, this is how God's getting me up and getting me moving and getting me opening my hands and, like I said, allowing the grief to move through me. And I felt like I was witnessed. I don't know. It's weird, but I felt like I was witnessed.

So for that woman who's, like, locking down, you know, where are their invitations to move? Because I think Jesus also, He'll walk with us. He'll walk with us.

I love that example and love that you're reminding women that God is with you and. And he's alongside you. He's the manual.

And he can also handle all the things you're thinking and the things that you're holding onto and the things you know, you need to let go, like, all of it. And sometimes he meets you in the most sort of ordinary, mundane things, right? Or waiting for, like, a hilltop moment.

But you're like, no, I'm watching my dog poop right now, and I'm angry at my husband or whatever it was. Right?

Yeah.

I love that so much. You also wrote a book called Brazen. And the whole idea is to find the you that's been hiding. Who's the you that's been hiding?

Talk to us a little bit about that you inside of us that maybe we haven't let come out. Oof.

I go back to that book a lot, actually. The word brazen.

I know we attribute it to being, like, a brazen hussy and being negative, but I kind of wanted to take it back, because what it really means is unashamed and unapologetic. And I was walking around town, Willow, and every woman I ran into was apologizing. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry for taking up space for breathing, for using her voice, for using her gifts. It was like. It was just this chorus of women apologizing for themselves.

And I started to see it in my own life, how I would limit my own voice to just kind of fit in, how I would. I had sort of walked away from my own soul at times, like creative projects that. That were nudging me, that I just sort of abandoned because of fear.

Yeah, I just. And my identity, like. Like, my identity. You know, I thought about the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve, they hide. They hide.

You know, when we feel embarrassed or vulnerable, we hide. We go into hiding.

It's like we have this strong compulsion as humans to show up and create and use our voices and use our gifts, and then we have this strong compulsion to hide as well.

And so I wanted to talk about that, and I wanted to talk about kind of going back into your own soul and turning the light back on and finding your voice as a woman and realizing how much you were apologizing for the space you took up and the. The ways that you were showing up in the world and, well, was that necessary?

And what do you love and who do you want to be and how do you want to show up and how do you want to use, as Mary Oliver calls it, you know, our one and only precious life? Like, how. How do you want to be? And so, yeah, I think.

I think particularly when we receive the message that who we are is too big, too loud, too much as women, we just lock it down. And it was an invitation to women to say, what have you locked down? And that's not serving you.

When you talk about. You just used that great quote, our one and only precious life.

I have a feeling there's people listening who have forgotten that that's exactly what they have. They have one precious life. What's your encouragement to them today as we sort of come to a close?

At the very same time that I was going through my divorce, one of my very closest friends very unexpectedly lost her husband and to cancer A very rapidly progressing cancer. That those two experiences side by side.

Walking with her through the grief of the loss of her marriage and the way that she lost it and the way that I lost my marriage was life changing for me to realize that the most vibrant people can leave this earth without a lot of notice. And it woke me up. It made me realize that aging is a privilege. Yeah, aging at times is frustrating.

Like I said, I'm turning 50 this year and there's things that are like, don't love. But I think about losing Ken and I think about, I don't want the alternative. It's a privilege to get to age.

And so I think the crises of that loss, I think it can cause you to just fall into a deep depression. And thank God it lit a fire under me. It lit a fire under me. There's nothing promised, literally. And so why don't we get to it? Why don't we get to it?

Why don't we get to it? I love that so much. There are going to be people who want to get to it and they want to do it alongside you.

So how can they connect with you and grab ahold of your book and all the things?

Thank you, Willow. You can find me on Instagram at Leeana Tankersley, do you have Shownotes Willow so that they can see the spelling on that?

Because it's kind of a nightmare.

Yes, totally.

Great. And then my website is leeanatankersley.com and you can find all of my books on Amazon in bookstores or wherever books are sold.

And yeah, I appreciate getting to share a little bit about the journey of my life and the journey of my writing life, too. It's been neat to walk back through some of those important moments in my life.

Well, it's so inspiring to see that you said yes to allowing God to rebuild your life and now you're helping other people do the same. So thank you for hopping on and sharing today.

Yes, you're so welcome. Thank you for having me.

Let's get to it, friends. You truly do have this one precious life. And God has you here for a reason. You are meant.

He gave you life and breath and everything else because you're destined. You're here, you matter, and there's a purpose. And so my hope today is that you'd be encouraged.

If you need to rebuild your life, you don't do it alone. You have a God who will rebuild it. If you're in the middle of a very hard chapter, you have a God who's writing a beautiful story.

So, friend, let's by faith and hope, believe that possibilities, good possibilities, these are on their way.

If you need more hope and more resources, make sure you go to our website@wecolide.net and check out all the things that we've crafted and curated around here to encourage you.

And if this story encouraged you and you can think of a friend who might need to hear it today, who's feeling discouraged in their life, send it on, pass on this hope and we'll catch you next week. Keep colliding.