Shownotes
Resilience is one of those words we throw around like we know exactly what it means. Bounce back, stay strong, push through. This episode of Mind Over Matter looks past the cliché. Host Archi talks with Arky Jones, founder of Personality Peek, about resilience as something built quietly, beam by beam, rather than handed out at birth.
Arky breaks down why chasing external validation leaves your inner structure standing on sand, what resilience actually looks like at different life stages, and how facing hardship directly, rather than hiding from it, is what turns a storm into material you can build with.
About the Guest:
Arky Jones is the founder of Personality Peek, a free personality and archetype assessment tool. He writes and speaks on resilience, self-ownership, and personal growth, drawing on his own perspective built through navigating uncertainty.
Key Takeaways:
- Resilience is your accumulated ability to handle uncertainty, built from prior learning and lived experience, not a fixed trait you either have or don't.
- Seeking resilience through external validation builds your inner structure on sand. Real ownership comes from focusing on what you can actually control: your thoughts and actions.
- Storms, emotional, financial, or otherwise, always end. What matters is what you do while you are in one.
- Facing a hard truth, however painful, sets a stronger foundation than avoiding it to keep the peace.
- Progress is often as simple as taking one small, concrete step today, a phone call, a conversation, a task you have been avoiding.
Connect With the Guest:
Website: https://personalitypeek.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ralph-k-jones-author
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome to Mind Over Matter — meeting Arky Jones (approx.)
[03:00] What resilience actually means, beyond the cliché (approx.)
[08:00] Explaining resilience across different life stages (approx.)
[14:00] Why external validation builds on sand (approx.)
[20:00] Keeping your inner architecture standing when no one is watching (approx.)
[26:00] Facing the storm instead of hiding under the covers (approx.)
[28:00] One small step you can take right now (approx.)
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Transcripts
00:00:46 Sayan: Resilience is one of those words that we throw around like we know all what that means. Bounce back, stay strong, push through. But anyone who has actually been knocked down by life knows it is nothing like a bounce. It is slow, deliberate, and a structure that you build inside yourself. Beam by beam. Welcome to another episode of Mind Over Matter. I'm your host, cyan. As most of you would know, and this is the show where we explore that inner architecture of resilience, the quiet strength that lets people stand back up. Joining me today is Aki Jones, someone who's grounded. Perspective on strength and perseverance. I have really been looking forward to. So Aki. I think it's a real pleasure to have you here with us today and really looking forward to this and learning a couple of things. Couple of perspectives for the takeaways as well.
00:01:34 Arky Jones: Thanks. And it's a privilege to have me on your show. I appreciate it very much.
00:01:38 Sayan: Thank you so much Aki. Likewise. So before we even jump into what all of that means, a little disclaimer for all of those who have tuned in just now.
00:02:23 Sayan: So with that being said, uh, Aki. I want to start with a very simple question. When you think about resilience today, what do you exactly imagine? Is it like a ball bouncing off a surface or. Or what? What what do you start to imagine?
00:02:38 Arky Jones: Okay. So for me, what resilience means is someone's accumulated ability to deal with novel situations as they emerge based on prior learning, prior understanding, and prior life's navigation. So the, the foundation is that when something comes up that is unexpected, how what have I built? What what equipment do I have in my garage that will allow me to confront the challenge as it is emerging? Because one thing is certain in life and that is uncertainty. So for me, when you say the word resilience, it is how an individual handles uncertainty.
00:03:27 Sayan: Wow. I think that's really concise and straight to the point. I really loved how you gave the analogy of working with things, what whatever you have in the garage. But doesn't that mean it's something that's built over time, like something that that comes with lived experience? How would you describe resilience to, uh, maybe a fifteen year old who doesn't have that much lived experience? Aki. Um, my, my question to you is, uh, imagine a situation like, uh, take any situation, for example, and, and, and try to think about, um, what resilience would mean to a thirty year old versus what it would mean to only a half of that age, right? Let's say fifteen year old. So what really tends to happen is the process the same? Or if you can just elaborate a bit more on that.
00:04:13 Arky Jones: Yeah, no, that's actually a good question because we often frame things within our world's understanding right now. So, so that that's actually a really good to just put yourself into other people's shoes. It's good for empathy. It's good for understanding. So, look, the truth is that you, all of us, at any given age, some of us younger than others, will face challenges. I think fifteen is a reasonable age because you've started to form the self. You've started to basically diversify from your family. You're looking outwards, you've got your peers, you've been through school, you know how you're going. But at the same time, your life experience is still limited. And most of the time you've been protected either by parents or aunties or from real world consequences. And so as you get to that age, you do start facing challenges that that you haven't had to face before. However, it is an important journey that you can, I guess, to build your resilience as a young fella would be to accept that not everything this is this is what you can snap into right now. I know not everything is going to work the way I want it to work. The other thing is with the younger brains is they tend to overestimate their baseline knowledge. They tend to overestimate where they are, the power they have the authority to have, and also without being disrespectful to anyone, they overestimate their importance to other people because their parents and their families have centered the world around them. Whereas when you come out into the real world, you realize the world is indifferent towards you. And so in answer to the question, I think from a fifteen year old's perspective, I think I would be prepared to fail and, and use that failure as an insight into how you can grow moving forward, but also understand that your resilience is is manufactured by your environment up until this point. And then as you want to branch out into the world, be willing to take the hits that it is going to come, but not just willing to take them, be willing to embrace them, because that is that is part of it is part of life, whether we like it or not. It's part of adulting. And then obviously moving that forward to the thirty year old that you should have tools in your armoury you can draw on, but you have to be willing to look at yourself and ask the hard questions, because if you don't, you can stay stuck in limbo. You can stay stuck in purgatory. And life is. There's one thing in life that is real for a one year old, a fifteen year old or a seventy year old. And that is change. That is change. And how we influence change is where we divert our attention to. So I think in all cases where you put your attention is where you will is the direction you will go in.
00:07:16 Sayan: Wow, that's such a solid answer. I really love that. And I think people who are listening to this right now would be able to relate to what I said just now. Um, and I think, uh, the way that you articulate it and, and put together the perspective of a fifteen year old, uh, and, uh, you know, a much older, like thirty, forty, fifty, I think, uh, that, that perspective about life. Uh, yes, it does gradually start to change, start to, uh, I mean, uh, uh, I would say, uh, based on lived experience and acceptance, acceptance is something that I think it's built over time. While we'll talk about that more in a while. Uh, but, but I think the foundation is, yes. Uh, trying to understand that you are not really, uh, at the center of everything, right? I mean, I think you said it wonderfully that often, uh, by the age we turn twenty, um, we, we feel like we are the center of this universe because we are always protected by our parents by, uh, you know, our, our mentors. But, uh, it's really when that, that foundation starts to kick in, right? And I think that is something that is something that again. If if no one is there to teach this Aki, I'm sure time will write to everyone who's listening to this. But the point being, I want to make sure that this conversation is of help to someone. So I think you clearly approach strength with intention. So I want to understand that deliberate work of it. So help us see it. How does a person actually actively construct their inner architecture of resilience? It doesn't matter what age they are, right? It doesn't matter what kind of lived experience, um, they have or um, because, because again, someone, someone at the age of thirty might have, you know, a completely different set of experiences, uh, you know, a completely different sequence of experiences that have made him a much more matured. And, and I would say a person with more acceptance than someone at the same age who has, who hasn't been that path really. Right. So, uh, irrespective of age, how, how do you help people actively construct their inner architecture of resilience. What are some practices that you could share?
00:09:22 Arky Jones: So first of all, what I would say is at any age, if you can understand this, it will set you up with a good footing. So nobody you may seek external validation because external validation as a young child is what you get. So you. You eat your dinner. Your parents give you a reward. They say, well done. You get good grades at school, someone else validates it, and society is set up to trick you that other people can tell you how good you are. And if you look at the school system, for example, you do exams, you get grades based on other people's decisions based on frameworks. But when you start adulting, when you when you grow, when you grow up, when you face the real world, you realize that an A or a C on the test get gets you the same result in in the moment, if it's mean. What I mean is by that is it doesn't mean you want to. You want to study pharmacology and you want to you want to understand pharmacology really, really well. Then there is of course, there's merit in that. I'm not taking that away. But external validation were taught from an early age that that is what gives us validation. But it doesn't. If you seek resilience from elsewhere, you will never, ever achieve it. And the reason being is that no one can grant you inner peace in a ownership of your own direction. Now that then means is you have to look at what you can control. Things you can control are kind of like your thoughts, your actions, and, and you can control the direction that you take your life in. There's other things that that young fellas will often do. so. For example, we may especially like as we're growing up, we may do things to please others that don't necessarily benefit us, or we may accept injustices just to keep the peace. Even though in our bones, we feel it's wrong. And so as you grow up, you realize that if you seek the truth, no matter how painful, that that will set you up on a foundation of honesty. And there's an old story about building a house on sand versus building a house on stone. And if, if you you're in a framework is something that needs external validation, unfortunately, will always be built on sand. The reason is it relies on others to tell you who you are. But if you can look inside, not just look inside, you can own inside because the only thing you truly control is yourself. If you understand that. And then you can maximally seek ownership of the self. You will then ultimately lead to a life where the decisions you make are yours. But what you'll find by taking ownership, by taking responsibility, is those decisions will bring other people around you up. But at the same time, nobody dominates you. You are the one who is in charge. You are the master of your own destiny.
00:12:39 Sayan: Wow. That is a so well framed. Um, and what you shared, I think, uh, describes resilience as, uh, somewhat preparation, uh, right. And, and not just reacting to it in the moment, but naturally that, that brings me to this, this question that, uh, you just said right now that, um, you know, since we are young, we are used to this external validation as that becomes the motivation to do the next thing. So, uh, as we now grow old in. And, uh, you know, as life is not ever linear, you know, there will be seasons that really strain everything that you have built and moments that, that really, um, uh, cracks it up, cracks whatever architecture you're building inside. And, and, and I think those are the times when there is nobody clapping for you, right? There's no kind of external validation. So for the listeners in one of these kind of, uh. Phase right now, uh, I want to honestly ask you this, how does one keep up that, um, inner architecture of resilience when there's no external, uh, validation, right? When there's nobody standing beside them? Um, but, but it's just themselves and their sheer belief that they will make it through, um, nonetheless.
00:14:01 Arky Jones: Yeah. So look, I think that first of all, understanding one thing you said saying that was really critical is that Storms come. And and, and I, as I said earlier, like things that are outside our control. And I say the weather, but we know what I mean by storms that can be emotional storms that can be financial storms. But storms come in, nature storms come and, and the thing is, without storm, without pain, without.
00:14:31 Sayan: Absolutely.
00:14:31 Arky Jones: You, you, you are going to suffer because there is no such thing as this fixed state on a cellular level. We change. We evolve through the whole time. Now.
00:14:42 Sayan: Absolutely.
00:14:43 Arky Jones: In in, in answer of your question is that in knowing and accepting storms will come and knowing that storms do end, they never last forever. What you have to then do is in the moment when you're in it, you have to face the demon, the metaphorical demon. Because if you keep your head under the covers and the monster's still going to be under the bed. What you need to do is shine a light onto the areas of your life that are causing you hardship, and then start taking small steps to do something about it. So let's, let's give some real life examples. Let's say that you've decided that you enjoyed drinking with your friends every week, but then you start chasing that drink. Let's say that you've, um, you want to find a suitor, but in doing so, you've, you're dating five or six girls at the same time and you're playing them along. You're not being honest with them or yourself. Let's say that your parents are holding you back because they want you to be a doctor, but you want to be an engineer. Let's say in later in life that you're trapped by golden handcuffs in a job that pays well, but it sucks your soul. It doesn't mean in that day that you can do anything about it when you're in the storm, but what you can do is you can put a hat on, you can put a raincoat on, and you can keep moving forward because the storm will end. But the actions you take in that moment are going to lead to a better outcome when the storm ends. Whereas if you just stay with the covers over your head, even when you come out the other side, you haven't put steps in place to prepare for the next storm. And as we said earlier, one thing is certain in life and that is change. And so therefore, by by being willing to weather challenges as they come up, it doesn't mean you'll always win, but it means every time you'll have an opportunity to learn. So take small steps that you can do right now. So for example, if your kitchen is dirty, clean it. If you need to do homework, do it. If you, um, if, for example, you have a feeling of negativity towards a family member or a loved one or a friend, pick up the phone, make the call now. You can't control remember what they do. You can only control what you do. But by maximally owning what you own. Then you've done all you can and then you can let go.
00:17:14 Sayan: Well, that's, I think, a very compassionate and a powerful message that you're really framing across Aki. And I think that's perhaps the best note to wrap it up on. Um, that, that became a little, uh, motivational towards the end. And I think, uh, that's what this show is exactly for. So, uh, I think, I think I, I really relate it to whatever you said, and I totally agree to the fact that change is the only constant because I think, um, you know, somebody who, who adapts to that change is someone who thrives. So I think that's, that's important to remember. That's important to internalize as you move through life. And I think that that is what ultimately becomes the foundation of, of that architecture that we are, um, really naming today. So, so Aki, if, uh, anyone from the listeners actually resonated with this conversation and wants to connect with you and find your work and, uh, you know, uh, just, uh, learn more about the work that you do around strength and perceive it. And so where's the best place for them to find and connect with you?
00:18:12 Arky Jones: Uh, thank you guys. So if you like what, what I've got to say, um, I've built a framework called personality peek p e e k dot com, which you can take a test and it will give you a snapshot in time. It will give you a window of where you are right now. Now, I would never claim it to be the most accurate test in the world because that's not possible. There's so many different benchmarks, but I built it to be as accurate as possible, but also fun because remember guys, life is a game. We're all just trying to play this game and what what a game supposed to be. They're supposed to be fun. So what personality peak will do is just give you that snapshot into where you are right now. It's up to you what you do with it. But come along for the ride. Take the test, enjoy it. If it resonates with you, take some actionable steps. If it doesn't, then you've probably spent three hours yesterday watching Netflix or Doomscrolling. Maybe do something that might give you a mike might give you a positive outcome. But other than that, I just wanted to say thank you so much for having me on. And just remember this, guys, there is the beginning and there is the end. And whatever happens in between is our life. So just make your moments count because no one's going to do it for you.
00:19:27 Sayan: Love it. And thanks for taking that additional step to actually spread the message. I'm just curious though, while we do, while we will have the details in the show notes. So, um, what is that scale that you're referring to of where people are in life? So can you just explain it a little more so that our listeners can understand of, uh, so what kind of, uh, phase are we really naming if you can share?
00:19:47 Arky Jones: Yeah, yeah. So, so fundamentally what I've done, I've created a, um, if you can scale it to the exact percentage of where you feel right now, and there's, there's choices across six dimensions and multiple questions across six dimensions. You scale to the percentage that that fits you right now up to one hundred percent. You'll then at the end of that, you'll get a, what you call an arch type. And that will just give you a bit of a name to put to it. But fundamentally, we'll give you a little roadmap and, um, that's free. It's free front end. You don't even need to log in to get the, the basic details. And if it resonates, you would recommend log in and come along on the journey with us. If not, it's still a fun, fun quiz. But fundamentally all I'm trying to do is, is show people a snapshot in time. But one thing I will say, if you do log in guys, you can track over time how that changes. So if you identify areas you want to work on, you can actually start working on those areas, make changes, then retake the test a couple of months and oh.
00:20:43 Sayan: That's.
00:20:43 Arky Jones: Lovely. Changed. Yeah. Yeah. And you can track that and you can track that on your timeline.
00:20:48 Sayan: That's lovely Aki. And and I really appreciate you for building something like that where people can come check in in real time and, and, you know, just retake the test. And so folks, for all of you listening to this right now, we will have the details in the show notes that you can refer down below. Um, but with that, folks, we hit today's minute mark on this conversation. So I just want to thank you for showing up, um, at this early in the morning for such a real conversation. I think this was exactly what mind over matter was built for. So to whoever is listening to this right now, to whoever is stuck with us at this point, um, I would just want to leave you with this, that, um, you're not really failing because you have cracks. You have, um, um, failed in life. I think you're still standing because of everything that you have built. And, uh, just remember folks, there is no rock bottom. You can even go lower than that. So just keep that in mind. And if the structure feels shaky today, you can place one new meme right now in the dark. And that's how it rises. So that's all that I would want to share and perhaps something that you should ponder and sit by as we wrap this up. But that's that's all from our end. This has been on mind over matter and we'll see in the next one real soon.
