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Ep.17 Addiction and 12 steps out of it. [self-reliance]
Episode 17 • 6th April 2021 • The Borealis Experience • Aurora Eggert
00:00:00 00:43:14

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Maybe you have struggled with addiction in the past . Maybe you struggling with it right now.

Maybe you know someone who is struggling...

I feel problems around addiction is present in every society on this beautiful planet earth.

and I also feel a deep urge for some of us to change our view and attitude towards people who are caught in the vicious cycle of it.

Try to see addiction as a symptom of deep rooted pain.

Pain that needs healing and compassion and we can do everybody involved a tremendous service.

Now enjoy a very raw and vulnerable interview with James Olsen. Feel free to reach out and contact me or him directly.

We are in no place to give medical advice. We are just regular people who went through some stuff and now want to help others.

with love

Aurora

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really get to know yourself and find out what steps you can take to untangle

yourself from a situation you don’t wish to be in. I invite you to get to know yourself better in order for you to make the right choices for yourself in the future.


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Transcripts

Unknown:

Hello, and welcome to the very Borealis experience.

Unknown:

Today, I'm very excited to introduce you to James Olsen. He

Unknown:

has been through the 12 step program, he has been struggling

Unknown:

with addiction for quite some time and was able to recover

Unknown:

now. And he will share his story from the sweet and very painful

Unknown:

beginnings when he was a school kid, and also share his mission

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in helping and supporting others now, it is very dear to me to

Unknown:

speak to people who have gone through that, because I feel

Unknown:

there's a deep need in society, to see that addiction is not a

Unknown:

choice. Addiction is a symptom. And we have to go down to the

Unknown:

root and heal trauma. Thank you so much for listening. James

Unknown:

Olsen, here with you on the Borealis Experience podcast.

Unknown:

Awesome. Well, thank you. Yeah, it was it was good to meet you

Unknown:

and see that we kind of had similar interests, kind of

Unknown:

helping others that are struggling in certain ways and

Unknown:

trying to

Unknown:

I guess better themselves or grow. So yeah,

Unknown:

I was, I guess a little background of me is

Unknown:

I

Unknown:

for most of my earlier part of life, I struggled with addiction

Unknown:

and alcoholism.

Unknown:

It was

Unknown:

a very destructive force in my life and

Unknown:

had a negative fallout on my on me personally, and

Unknown:

especially relationships to family, friends, girlfriends,

Unknown:

things of that nature, children, that was probably the driving

Unknown:

force was my relationship with my children, too change

Unknown:

ultimately changing in look at pre covering or, or, or changing

Unknown:

the way that my life was

Unknown:

looking for a new path was the fact that that

Unknown:

I was letting down my children as a father. So that was the

Unknown:

driving force.

Unknown:

I've ultimately what happened was I I ended up joining 12 Step

Unknown:

programs, things like AAA

Unknown:

and AAA which is necrotic synonymous ca cocaine anonymous

Unknown:

with things of that nature i i use the

Unknown:

gamut of of drugs and alcohol in when I was in my addiction using

Unknown:

stages. And so I can definitely utilize a lot of different

Unknown:

groups.

Unknown:

And, yeah, it's

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not to blow my own horn or anything, but I feel like

Unknown:

it was successful. Not that I'm finished in any way but but the

Unknown:

transition from the way it used to be to what it is now is

Unknown:

definitely a huge positive gain or or growth or or advantage as

Unknown:

to what it used to be, it's no longer the way it used to be.

Unknown:

And I definitely owe those programs and the principles and

Unknown:

the ideals that they teach kind of in how to live in those

Unknown:

programs to the reasoning near the factor that my life has

Unknown:

gotten better. And I've been able to grow in these these ways

Unknown:

in these situations. And yeah, if

Unknown:

I did part of that those things are that I share my story and

Unknown:

and tell you what, what it used to be like to show that I was

Unknown:

there to what happened, knowing what was the changing the

Unknown:

transition that took place, and then what it's like now

Unknown:

and so to start that, you know

Unknown:

what it used to be like was it was not good.

Unknown:

To say the least it was the was part it was it was rough.

Unknown:

And part of the stories that that it really started early. It

Unknown:

was a long before you ever

Unknown:

took my first drink or my first drug or my, you know, in

Unknown:

it was probably the establishment of a low low self

Unknown:

esteem or or low sense of self value. And those were those

Unknown:

created long before I ever suffered from any sort of

Unknown:

addiction or alcoholism or anything of those negative it

Unknown:

was

Unknown:

kind of surroundings and coping with surroundings coping with,

Unknown:

with things that that projected ideas of, of less than

Unknown:

part of that story is that I suffered from dyslexia. So it

Unknown:

was just I just wasn't able to

Unknown:

read or process

Unknown:

words, or I didn't have a problem with speech I had a

Unknown:

problem with with reading literal reading part it didn't.

Unknown:

I watched the in school kids around me be able to do with the

Unknown:

ease. And it wasn't like that, for me, it was very hard and

Unknown:

extremely confusing. And I couldn't figure it out, and I

Unknown:

just couldn't grasp. And then

Unknown:

it was so hard that I just gave up.

Unknown:

But

Unknown:

sorry about that I'm using my phone. So whenever I get a call,

Unknown:

it picks me

Unknown:

up. So we were what happened was it was it was so hard in school

Unknown:

to actually read. And

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as anybody knows, reading is a fundamental part of education.

Unknown:

Like that's, you need that cool to go forward in education. So

Unknown:

when you when you don't have that, what it does is, is it

Unknown:

creates a question why? Why is this hard for me when it's easy

Unknown:

for everyone else? I must be let me know. And I think it's small

Unknown:

children. And when we don't fit into boxes, that everyone else

Unknown:

seems to, it creates an idea that that I'm less than, I'm not

Unknown:

good enough. It's just a natural place that our young brains take

Unknown:

us, we we somehow see ourselves as an is established, what it

Unknown:

did was establish

Unknown:

a poor sense of self in which wasn't, so whether it was just,

Unknown:

I was built different than than others, you know, and it's a

Unknown:

very common thing to I think they said one out of five has

Unknown:

dyslexia.

Unknown:

But

Unknown:

they ate a another kind of weird stat is that

Unknown:

over 50% of males incarcerated in like, the

Unknown:

juvenile males incarcerated, over 50% of them have dyslexia.

Unknown:

So it's a very formidable

Unknown:

part that I just don't know if it's been addressed or not, you

Unknown:

know, that that you're sent into a system where, where

Unknown:

you have to read to be a part of it. And then when you can't,

Unknown:

you're kind of left at the wayside. Yeah, you're set up for

Unknown:

failure as a result. Yeah, yeah. As a result, you you really,

Unknown:

it's it, it creates beliefs and whether you know, subconsciously

Unknown:

or not, it really affects people. And yeah, so that's kind

Unknown:

of one of the genesis of of you know, my my

Unknown:

bike poor path choices, I guess, was definitely the some of the

Unknown:

ideals that I believed in back then. And so, but I'm a big

Unknown:

believer with every negative there's positive and part of

Unknown:

that positive was I had to I couldn't give up and so what I

Unknown:

ended up doing was I ended up figuring out how to

Unknown:

figure things out without reading you know, where you

Unknown:

would look at a newspaper instructions and you know,

Unknown:

gather the information I had to gather information in other

Unknown:

ways. A lot of it was pitchers a lot of it was watching others

Unknown:

what they were doing.

Unknown:

So it made me hyper

Unknown:

aware of, of others my surroundings, it may mean you

Unknown:

know, I wasn't able to like just look at a sign and know what it

Unknown:

is the information on it. I had to find other ways to gather

Unknown:

information.

Unknown:

And to this day, it serves me well. It's definitely an

Unknown:

advantage that I have, you know, it's a kind of a blessing in

Unknown:

disguise in the hardship but yeah,

Unknown:

so yeah, it's it's also

Unknown:

And you know that to be able to see those advantages in the in

Unknown:

the hardship is definitely a byproduct of

Unknown:

the attitude that I need to possess to get better from my,

Unknown:

from my addiction in my, I need to find the positives and in

Unknown:

situations or gratitude, a lot of people see it as gratitude,

Unknown:

it's a fundamental part to living a positive life is having

Unknown:

gratitude.

Unknown:

So to go for, you know, and I guess, to continue with my story

Unknown:

I went on to,

Unknown:

I think is every young teenager drinking and partying and

Unknown:

experimenting, and from the get go.

Unknown:

I liked how it made me feel, I had felt that way, all of a

Unknown:

sudden, I wasn't worried about feeling less than I wasn't

Unknown:

worried that you're better than me, I wasn't worried that you

Unknown:

were whatever, you know, I could I felt equal to you, for the

Unknown:

first time. The problem is, is not not ever naturally feeling

Unknown:

that I went overboard with it. So it was never, I was never a

Unknown:

good I never had

Unknown:

any sort of self control when it came to drinking or partying. It

Unknown:

was this feels good, I need more, give me all of it, like,

Unknown:

Don't ever make it stop. And that that just led me down a

Unknown:

definite,

Unknown:

you know,

Unknown:

a rabbit hole that I couldn't get myself out of. And it

Unknown:

continued

Unknown:

straight from when my first time to, to actually buy my first

Unknown:

time going into a treatment center. And that was one of that

Unknown:

the ages of I think 20 or 21. I can't remember but around that

Unknown:

area around that time.

Unknown:

And I went in that I was dating a girl at the time. And she she

Unknown:

had approached my parents and said, you know James has a

Unknown:

problem. He's, you know, I think his drinking is out of control.

Unknown:

What can we do about it? My dad was a nurse at the time, he

Unknown:

looked into it and found me a treatment center.

Unknown:

This was all done without me knowing.

Unknown:

I think I came home for like a Sunday dinner one time and my

Unknown:

girlfriend and my parents basically added

Unknown:

intervention on me and said, Hey, you got to probably that,

Unknown:

you know, your dad's set up this this facility that you need to

Unknown:

go to and spend a couple of weeks there and address this.

Unknown:

This out of control drinking your You're ruining everything.

Unknown:

You know, and thank God that I had a loving family that did

Unknown:

something like that. Yeah. And

Unknown:

so you know, it.

Unknown:

I went off, I did the treatment who would think it was a three

Unknown:

week treatment. It was in Claire's home.

Unknown:

And I sobered up.

Unknown:

I I quit drinking I grabbed on I liked what they talked about,

Unknown:

like, you know,

Unknown:

I, I wanted to change I could see, you know, I could see that

Unknown:

I needed to change. But

Unknown:

I just didn't know enough about addiction and the fact that

Unknown:

wanting to change isn't enough, that scene, the problem isn't

Unknown:

enough that I need to do the ideas you need to commit to a

Unknown:

new way of life. And that means, you know, at any cost, it has to

Unknown:

become the most important thing in your life.

Unknown:

So

Unknown:

when I got out of the treatment center, I, I

Unknown:

I tried to change everything like

Unknown:

I was still in the blame blaming I, I'm in the wrong city. I'm

Unknown:

with the wrong girl. If I had got the wrong job. So I changed

Unknown:

all those things thinking that that if I change those things,

Unknown:

then I I would know I just had to you know I speak of it. Like

Unknown:

I tried everything. I just had the comp nation. So I needed to

Unknown:

adjust everything around me, and then I would become better. So I

Unknown:

moved to a different town. I broke up with that girl. I got

Unknown:

another job. And for a while it worked. But the problem was it

Unknown:

was I was still there. I was the problem. And I just changed

Unknown:

things around me without changing myself. Yeah. So I

Unknown:

think I stayed sober for

Unknown:

what a year.

Unknown:

So

Unknown:

think a little bit over a year maybe, and

Unknown:

get started hanging out with new people started, you know,

Unknown:

these new people in the new town a, I think a factor of somebody

Unknown:

that's struggling is we attract like minded people. So if you

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once again, they ended up with people.

Unknown:

Well, that wasn't us.

Unknown:

And

Unknown:

I kind of graduated, I wasn't drinking, but all of a sudden,

Unknown:

in the big city, and being a small town kids, I was

Unknown:

introduced to these these drugs and that kind of lifestyle. And

Unknown:

once again, I felt something that I was longing for the

Unknown:

acceptance and kind of feeling good about myself. And

Unknown:

I went pretty wild with that.

Unknown:

I guess the differences with

Unknown:

drinking and from going to drugging is is that

Unknown:

it's, it gets financially hefty quick with drugs, the money adds

Unknown:

up fast. Drinking, it doesn't seem to do that. You go to the

Unknown:

bar, have a,

Unknown:

you know, a long, drawn out night, and you might have spent

Unknown:

100 bucks

Unknown:

a night of drugging, we're talking you can rack up 1000s.

Unknown:

It's not even the same ballgame. And so I ran into financing

Unknown:

problems quick. And in order to solve those, I found somebody

Unknown:

that was willing to let me sell, sell their drugs for them to pay

Unknown:

for my own.

Unknown:

And

Unknown:

the problem is, is I'm an addict that I have no manage no money

Unknown:

management skills, and I got into problems in that situation

Unknown:

as well. But those are really big problems. And I had some

Unknown:

scary people that I owed some scary numbers to, and

Unknown:

how to desperation.

Unknown:

So this would have been, I guess,

Unknown:

almost a 10 year span.

Unknown:

And so I believe I was just under 30. When I, I

Unknown:

was in a pretty scary situation. Basically.

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Some people came to me, and they met business and said, you this

Unknown:

is the number that you owe us. And you have this amount of time

Unknown:

to pay and left it at that. And I knew what they meant that my

Unknown:

number was up unless I got this, this money to them.

Unknown:

And

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I was I was scared, because

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I kind of went

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prude and just a dark place. It was like, Well,

Unknown:

I'm not gonna let them take me out. I'll take myself. I ended

Unknown:

up standing on the edge of a bridge and was trying to get the

Unknown:

guts to basically throw myself off this bridge. And I couldn't

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do it. I was. I was a wimp.

Unknown:

And thank God for it. But I returned to my apartment. I was

Unknown:

dating that girl at the time. I broke down and told her what had

Unknown:

happened and what I just come back from. And she told me she

Unknown:

was from Lethbridge as well. She took me to Lethbridge. And

Unknown:

I think it was a couple of days after that she went Lethbridge

Unknown:

and ended up in our living your parents living room and they sat

Unknown:

me down and said, you know, this girl our daughter's told us what

Unknown:

is going on with you. And we want to help you we're willing

Unknown:

to lend you this money to get you out of this situation. But

Unknown:

here's the contract track withdrawn, withdrawn up. And it

Unknown:

states that you're gonna pay us back all this money in this

Unknown:

amount of time. And that part of the contract is you're gonna go

Unknown:

to treatment again, and you're gonna get clean and sober.

Unknown:

And so, you know, I signed him absolutely, I'll definitely do

Unknown:

that. I'm open to that. So I signed you know, signed in and

Unknown:

got these these people off my back and went to treatment again

Unknown:

once again, and

Unknown:

it was a great good experience but the problem was I didn't do

Unknown:

it for myself. I did it to a piece that wasn't really in the

Unknown:

mind state to to fix to fix me for me.

Unknown:

And

Unknown:

so I would I went and did you know and I sobered up. But then

Unknown:

to pay back the money that you know, her parents had led me. I

Unknown:

went back to those guys and started selling again, but I was

Unknown:

using

Unknown:

so

Unknown:

I, you know, I started selling drugs again

Unknown:

made the money back really fast. Like it was a world of

Unknown:

difference when, you know, when I'm not high not using.

Unknown:

I was I was really good at. And but the problem is I'm back in

Unknown:

that life

Unknown:

around those people I paid, I paid those I paid their parents

Unknown:

off, like, in a quarter of the time that I was did a lot and me

Unknown:

too.

Unknown:

But I was back to that life. And

Unknown:

again, once again, it led me down the same road, I ended up

Unknown:

using again. And kind of, I never went back to the

Unknown:

problematic or the chaos that I was once at but I was definitely

Unknown:

in.

Unknown:

I wasn't I wasn't

Unknown:

I wasn't living a healthy lifestyle, let's just say that.

Unknown:

It was still a lot of turmoil, a lot of a lot of heartbreak a lot

Unknown:

of, you know, just

Unknown:

just rough times. And

Unknown:

yeah, I've tried it. You know, I, like I said it was trying to

Unknown:

figure out the combination and like, what can I do? How can I

Unknown:

make it better? What am I missing? What's what's not

Unknown:

lining up? They just couldn't put the pieces together. And,

Unknown:

and I ended up meeting this girl. And

Unknown:

she really believed that she believed me when I couldn't

Unknown:

believe myself. That was super attractive that I don't think I

Unknown:

was attracted to her as much as I was attracted the way that she

Unknown:

saw me or felt about men and and so it was she was someone that

Unknown:

he knew from from my using life, and she had got herself clean.

Unknown:

And part of the deal was do you want to date me? You need to get

Unknown:

take care of this problem and get clean and sober. And so I

Unknown:

did. I quit that I got rid of the drugs. But I continued to

Unknown:

drink. And I wasn't good at drinking either. But I tried to

Unknown:

maintain it. And so we started we ended up starting a family I

Unknown:

did marry her. We started the family and I I just kept

Unknown:

throwing things at this this this problem I would get I would

Unknown:

get this woman's gonna fix it. No, she didn't fix it. I'm still

Unknown:

having issues in my drink. Well, I'm gonna get a good career, I

Unknown:

did that. And I tried to you know, that didn't help. I still

Unknown:

was having issues with my my drinking in my party.

Unknown:

Well, I'm gonna have kids that threw kids at it. And the thing

Unknown:

was, is that did that I tried to I thought that if I

Unknown:

checked off all the boxes to what society said is successful,

Unknown:

then I would be I would be fixed. So I kept checking them

Unknown:

off, I got married, I had kids, we bought the house, we bought

Unknown:

all the toys. The problem was is that I was still sick. I was

Unknown:

still I was still troubled, I was still I never fixed. It's

Unknown:

like

Unknown:

you know, it's like putting a band aid over a bullet.

Unknown:

It's just not going to get better. Right? You're you're not

Unknown:

doing you, you gotta go to the source of the problem. I was the

Unknown:

source. So ultimately, what ended up happening was, you

Unknown:

know, we were together for 14 years, we had four kids together

Unknown:

and then and then I, I imploded again, I never, I never

Unknown:

addressed the actual problem. The problem was me. And I ended

Unknown:

up getting it was, you know, I think I put together three years

Unknown:

I like my drinking got to a point where she was like, You

Unknown:

need to stop drink, or I'm leaving. I'm like, okay, and I

Unknown:

think I put together three years of just like, Will, but I was an

Unknown:

awful person who was miserable. Did that's how I knew I had a

Unknown:

problem.

Unknown:

It wasn't actually drinking because when I took the drinking

Unknown:

away, then I became a very miserable person. Like the

Unknown:

problems didn't go away just because they, you know, I'm the

Unknown:

problem. Until I fix me that it almost gets bailed drinking and

Unknown:

drugging was a symptom of my problem. Yes, those kinds of

Unknown:

that was kind of the cure to my problem. Yes, whenever I drank

Unknown:

or use drugs, yes, I saw better, right. But the problem is that,

Unknown:

that that cured to me or my issue that I felt using those

Unknown:

drugs that cure and being another additional problem to

Unknown:

the problem.

Unknown:

And so,

Unknown:

you know, when I lost, I lost my marriage. I lost my kid. You

Unknown:

know, I just wasn't a fit father. I was

Unknown:

She wasn't allowed to see my kids. I ended up losing my job,

Unknown:

I was working in a coal coal mine offering huge trucks. And I

Unknown:

had a safety infraction. And they ended up having to do a

Unknown:

urine test on me. And

Unknown:

it didn't turn out good. I think I identified four different

Unknown:

substances in my urine on that test may end up losing my job.

Unknown:

Part of the stipulation of losing my job was that

Unknown:

I could go, I could just be done with them or address the problem

Unknown:

and go and go to what is called an addiction analysis. That is a

Unknown:

company that they send you to they have a psychologist and

Unknown:

nurse and an addiction specialists speak with you kind

Unknown:

of interview and see if you have addiction problems, or if you

Unknown:

were just, this is a one one and done type thing. You know, they

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want to know if you have the addiction personality. Well, the

Unknown:

problem was that a been through treatment twice already. I knew

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what they were looking for. I spoke their language. I

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understood what they were trying to look for Simpson, and I was

Unknown:

going to just bullshitted my way through. I was gonna say I went

Unknown:

to a party. I was having a rough night. And I these guys offered

Unknown:

me this stuff, and I did it.

Unknown:

I don't do it. Normally, I've never done it. I just I was

Unknown:

gonna lie, and I was gonna get off the hook.

Unknown:

So

Unknown:

I think it was a Tuesday. It was a long weekend. And I made an

Unknown:

appointment after the long weekend to go that Tuesday to

Unknown:

Calgary and get this this addiction analysis done. My plan

Unknown:

was I was going to bullshitted my way through

Unknown:

and kind of get them off my back. Well, that weekend was

Unknown:

also my son's birthday party in Lethbridge on Saturday. And so I

Unknown:

went down early, a friend of mine in in Lethbridge had said

Unknown:

why don't you come over? I was I was NBC was working in BC. So

Unknown:

he said come early, we'll you know, we'll have a host party.

Unknown:

And then

Unknown:

you can go to your son's birthday, and do whatever.

Unknown:

So I came that Thursday night. And I didn't leave that house

Unknown:

till Monday morning. I miss my son's fifth birthday party. And

Unknown:

it devastated me I was I was it rocked me pretty hard. And I was

Unknown:

tired.

Unknown:

I was tired of being a disappointment. And I

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disappointed my son.

Unknown:

So as a result of that,

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I changed my mind. I was like I'm gonna go to this. I'm going

Unknown:

to this addiction analysis tomorrow. And I'm going to tell

Unknown:

them everything, I'm going to be honest. And let the chips fall

Unknown:

where they may. I'll just I need change.

Unknown:

And I knew enough that that

Unknown:

being honest, was the doorway to that. And so when I went out

Unknown:

there,

Unknown:

I just told him the truth about what was going on my life. And

Unknown:

they, they all kind of looked at me and said, You You're you're,

Unknown:

you've got a problem. You're a classic addict.

Unknown:

Let's start you off, but you need to go and find a meeting in

Unknown:

your hometown. Can I Can I add something that so they found out

Unknown:

that you're an addict, and they made you feel shitty on top of

Unknown:

that, or were they somewhat compassionate?

Unknown:

They were compassionate, but they didn't hide the truth of

Unknown:

it. It was they were blood.

Unknown:

They were we've This is a classic addiction behavior.

Unknown:

We need to set up a, a

Unknown:

process to address this.

Unknown:

And so the first thing they told me to do is to go home, find a

Unknown:

meeting, go and start using these utilizing these meetings.

Unknown:

And I I went home and I was mad I didn't want to I got to these,

Unknown:

you know after treatment dates said you should try to find a

Unknown:

meeting and go to the meeting. And I was I just didn't see the

Unknown:

value in it. One of their most common

Unknown:

feelings are identifications with personal identification,

Unknown:

like how you identify yourself as an addict or an alcoholic, is

Unknown:

I'm different. I'm different. I'm different.

Unknown:

You know, example is the Ask any addict? Do you follow the speed

Unknown:

limit? 90% of them say no, that's for the rest of the

Unknown:

world. I'm a good driver, I drive way over the days, that's

Unknown:

for the people that don't know how to drive. I'm different. I

Unknown:

do I do it to say, then you say,

Unknown:

when you take Tylenol, how many do you take? Do you take the

Unknown:

recommended dose? Now? I know what I can use. I think that's

Unknown:

not good enough. I take six. You know, like, that's, that's our

Unknown:

attitude. And it's very common in addicts. And it's just, we

Unknown:

just don't we are unwilling to

Unknown:

get into this box. Because we've identified that those boxes

Unknown:

never work. We're never big. Yeah. So it's it's fundamental

Unknown:

in us that we don't identify with anybody else's controls.

Unknown:

Those are the rest of the population. We're different. We

Unknown:

do it our own way. And it's it, it will kill us that that I that

Unknown:

idea. Yes. And that fundamental way of seeing ourselves

Unknown:

differently, ultimately will kill us. Can I add some because,

Unknown:

yes, but your baby brain, your brain was not developed back

Unknown:

then when you entered school system, your baby brain was

Unknown:

destroyed, your confidence was destroyed, and you were shown

Unknown:

up, you don't fit in. So of course, you

Unknown:

run through life, knowing and feeling that you don't fit in.

Unknown:

So this has to be addressed. And it's natural, that addicts feel

Unknown:

that way because they will have made felt that way when they

Unknown:

were still growing their brain cells. So it's like, Absolutely,

Unknown:

ah,

Unknown:

and the worst part of both society is unless you learn the

Unknown:

climate, because society is built these boxes everywhere.

Unknown:

employment, education systems, financial systems, unless you

Unknown:

figure out how to get into make yourself fit in these boxes,

Unknown:

because they're everywhere. You're just not going to fit

Unknown:

into society, and not fitting into society is a hard way to

Unknown:

live. Oh, yeah. And is just going to appropriate behaviors

Unknown:

like addiction. Yeah, that's how I function. You have to wait, I

Unknown:

don't know.

Unknown:

Yeah, I don't fit into society. But so this is what I do. As an

Unknown:

as an entrepreneur.

Unknown:

I use alcohol I use drugs to to feel like I fit in.

Unknown:

So it's an idea that that

Unknown:

and I guess the beautiful part about a 12 step program is it is

Unknown:

it's a box.

Unknown:

And until you figure out how to fit into their parameters, or

Unknown:

live this way of life, it's not gonna work.

Unknown:

But they teach you how to climb in and, and give you a slow

Unknown:

entry, whereas usually,

Unknown:

society doesn't take their time with that. But that's one of the

Unknown:

fundamental parts of a 12 step program is learning how to adapt

Unknown:

to principles and ways of living.

Unknown:

And

Unknown:

one of the biggest fundamentals is living life on life's terms.

Unknown:

That's a hard idea to wrap around. But it's one of the

Unknown:

fundamentals of a 12 step program is accepting life for

Unknown:

the way it is.

Unknown:

Letting it letting it be, not always having to change it.

Unknown:

Because I have a real

Unknown:

a real addiction to, I call it genes in things. I just things I

Unknown:

tweak things to fit me. I never fit the situation I liked it. I

Unknown:

like to adjust things or, or tweak things that that it fits

Unknown:

my wants and desires. I don't fix my wants and desires to fix

Unknown:

things naturally. But what I've learned through these programs

Unknown:

is how to adjust myself to fit in to situations and ideals and

Unknown:

things of that nature. And then that's really helped me a lot.

Unknown:

And is there also a part in the program where it is about self

Unknown:

acceptance and finding your core again, starting to love

Unknown:

Have yourself or is it again, too much? Maybe trying to fit in

Unknown:

and to please and to,

Unknown:

to adapt instead of going inside and see, hey, this is how

Unknown:

beautiful and unique I am. And this is what I can bring to the

Unknown:

table like, do they bring you back to yourself to do they just

Unknown:

want to get back in? Well, we have, it's funny that you bring

Unknown:

that up, we have monitors seeing in some of these groups, and

Unknown:

it's that we are, we're fatally unique.

Unknown:

That's our problem. We're so so unique, that it's killing us.

Unknown:

So we don't really, it's, we have to be careful with that.

Unknown:

Okay, and I'll, I'll tell you why.

Unknown:

Sorry,

Unknown:

is that we won't follow these simple steps. Because we're so

Unknown:

unique, we need to change them to fit us.

Unknown:

They were built for everybody else. And that's our biggest

Unknown:

problem is that we never followed any of anything to

Unknown:

code, we've always tweaked them a little bit to fit our wants

Unknown:

and needs. Because we were, we see ourselves as unique. That's

Unknown:

the only way we identify. But it's not. So

Unknown:

sorry, I'm getting my phone's blown up. So what it's not that,

Unknown:

that we don't love ourselves, what we're taught is how to love

Unknown:

ourselves properly.

Unknown:

Because what we used to do is anything that felt good, we

Unknown:

thought we loved ourselves by getting it, I thought loving

Unknown:

myself was taking myself out for $100 meal, taking my

Unknown:

self to us. That's what's up. Self love, if you really analyze

Unknown:

it,

Unknown:

is about the long game and not the immediate case. And what I

Unknown:

mean by that is saying no to that pizza, because you know,

Unknown:

it's going to make you feel like shit, you know, the fact that

Unknown:

you can't get in your pants, two weeks down the road.

Unknown:

Or it's going to make you feel good right now. But it's not

Unknown:

going to make you feel good in the long run. That that that

Unknown:

bland, please the meal, rather, is a better way to do this.

Unknown:

Because in the long run, it's going to pay off or not buying

Unknown:

that new pair of shoes. Because you you need to save up and have

Unknown:

some savings and feel financially independent. You

Unknown:

know, you don't really need that. But it'll make you feel

Unknown:

good right now. But all like the long run, it's not going to it

Unknown:

would make you feel better to have that that amount in your

Unknown:

bank account, where if something did happen, you know that you

Unknown:

have, you have a lifeline to to address it. You know, those it

Unknown:

those are the ideas of the principles that we need to live

Unknown:

by, you know that that

Unknown:

it's more important to show up every day than showing up for a

Unknown:

week lots. You know, it's it's like going to the gym. If you go

Unknown:

to the gym, and you hit the gym, once a month like crazy and you

Unknown:

lift hard and you go hard for three hours.

Unknown:

And then the guy that went every day for half an hour. That guy

Unknown:

that went for half an hour every day and you went once a month

Unknown:

and worked really hard. He's gonna have better results every

Unknown:

single time. Yeah. And that's part of like, showing up to life

Unknown:

every day. And just get doing the best you can do. If even if

Unknown:

it's a little bit every day is borough going to the results are

Unknown:

going to be way better than if you show up once a week and go

Unknown:

hard. Yes, it's about consistency. And that's, that's

Unknown:

that's where true. That's that's actual self love is doing the

Unknown:

hard things because you know, it's better for you not doing

Unknown:

what feels good. And I think a lot of people get confused on

Unknown:

that.

Unknown:

No, totally right. And so, it's definitely you know, it's it's

Unknown:

one of those things where

Unknown:

it's a GH you got to buy into it. This is a box that will save

Unknown:

your life. You just have to buy into it and give it your all and

Unknown:

my life has definitely changed for the better because I figured

Unknown:

out how to live life on life's terms on a daily basis.

Unknown:

I just, it's something I work at.

Unknown:

And I've picked up these tools and, and if anybody is

Unknown:

struggling with anything like this and wants to get a hold of

Unknown:

me and wants to learn about these things and is interested

Unknown:

in changing their lives in a positive way, I'll leave my

Unknown:

number with you and they can contact you. And I'm always

Unknown:

hoping to talk with people and in helping, it's one of the

Unknown:

one of the beliefs we have is that the only way that we keep

Unknown:

what we have is by giving it away. And that just means being

Unknown:

a helpful hand. And so yeah, so yeah, if, if any of your

Unknown:

listeners want to get a hold of me, I'll let them know that they

Unknown:

can get the whole year and I'll leave my name and numbers here.

Unknown:

And they can definitely get a get a hold of me, I'm willing to

Unknown:

help. Thank you so much, James, like, I feel you went so deep

Unknown:

with your story. And the so very relatable for for everybody is

Unknown:

who's listening here. And you are unique, you are incredibly

Unknown:

unique. And I know if you continue on that journey, you

Unknown:

can help so many more people, because counseling and

Unknown:

psychotherapist is good. But those people sometimes didn't

Unknown:

went through the struggle, and you did go through.

Unknown:

So you meet people on the same level and you take their hand

Unknown:

and walk the way together with them.

Unknown:

And this is just Yeah. Endlessly precious. Thank you so much for

Unknown:

your time.

Unknown:

Thank you for Yes, talking with me. Yeah, and I feel we have so

Unknown:

much more to talk. If you feel the same. We can make it a

Unknown:

second episode sometime soon.

Unknown:

Absolutely. For now, I'll be editing this, I will post it on

Unknown:

my Facebook and you feel free to spread it around and have it too

Unknown:

and we'll add your phone number and your name. Yeah. Thank you

Unknown:

so much.

Unknown:

Hey, guys and girls. I hope you enjoyed this episode with James

Unknown:

Olsen and myself. Feel free to reach out to me if you want his

Unknown:

phone number if you want to connect with him. You can also

Unknown:

connect with me on Facebook or Instagram. And yeah, we can help

Unknown:

you out or you can help other people out and spreading this

Unknown:

message around and making other people feel less lonely. make

Unknown:

other people feel okay with this situation and as hopeless as it

Unknown:

feels. There's people out there who can and want to support you

Unknown:

on your journey. Thank you for listening to the Borealis

Unknown:

experience.

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