Lacey and Sara are back with the final episode in Sarah's story! In this episode, we catch up with Sarah after her husband's recovery and hear about how her family is doing now. We talk about everything from food to school lunches to broken bones. But the best part is hearing about the progress Sarah and her family have made. Her kids are now making their own lunches, and even learning to cook dinner! Sarah also imparts some wonderful parenting wisdom from her experience.

For more No Shame In The Home Game:

iTunes

Spotify

Instagram

Facebook

Website

Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Notion

We use Notion to organize ourselves and LOVE it. Use our link to sign up! https://noshameinthehomegame.com/notion

Home Management For!

Find more information about Home Management for Everyone at homemanagementfor.com

Cubtale

Make parenting easier with Cubtale.

Cubtale

Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

how your home feels, not looks.

I'm Lacey, your co host in learning here with, Sarah, your co host in, in teaching.

Hi, Sarah.

Laci, I am teaching and I'm also always learning, which I love.

I keep learning so I can keep teaching.

So it's a whole evolution, revolution,

The Best way to learn is to teach.

I know I've told you multiple times, talking about this stuff

and thinking about this stuff has changed the way that I work in my

household of like, that doesn't matter.

We don't really care about that.

And, and even just talking with my kids.

So absolutely.

I agree.

I hope our listeners go out and spread the good word too.

spread the good word and the joy.

the no shame but the joy ripple.

yes.

today we have our final installment of Sarah's story.

Our listeners will get to hear from Alex again next week, but we're

going to come back to Sarah today.

I don't know if proud's the right word or excited.

I just loved hearing from Sarah.

And we hear from her after her husband is able to start moving again and

hearing things and man, I just really enjoyed this conversation with her.

Yeah, I am.

I'm always in awe of Sarah about how she's willing to share all the truths, not just

the pretty truths, all the truths in the hope that other people feel comforted.

So that's always amazing.

And we mentioned, I think, in the first episode that she's I said,

she's like a delicate flower, her body, but her spirit is like the

toughest steel you've ever imagined.

And I knew she'd come through this because she is tough as steel,

but I was, yes, I was also glad to hear how well she made it through

We do get a pretty decent ending.

And I put ending in quotes because there are no endings here.

We are constantly, updating how we interact and our homes need to run.

but I think one of my favorite things is hearing from her the

things she's going to keep doing.

Because, That shows growth for her and her family and I think some, hopefully

that they're climbing out of the ladder that is the life hole that has been

their life for the past two years.

the life.

Oh, and also on that note of, ending being a relative term, it's yeah.

And hopefully the next time something happens, fingers crossed.

Nothing else happens, but, she's got some tools in her toolbox and for anyone

listening who has had the fortune, fortunate experience to not experience

any of these situations, realizing how good it is to have a plan, a backup

plan, an alternative plan, oh, crap plan, break glass in case of emergency plan and

Yeah, so it's great that she was able to incorporate some that worked for her and

know that she has other ones available if, and when she ever needs them again.

So all good stuff.

All right, let's jump in here from Sarah for the final

part of her journey with us.

. We're really excited to hear how things turned out for you.

What

worked, what didn't, And also just to check in on the saga of your

you got a lot

Yeah, and stuff got added to the plate since

we last

spoke.

I developed a violent and very

painful

infection

at some point along the way.

And my 11 year old broke his wrist.

the night grade

graduation.

I'm sorry, I laugh because I,

No, you should.

You should.

We, wait, I have to tell Laci.

We have this place here.

It's like urgent care, but specifically for bones and joints.

And it's the running joke that she should have a frequent flyer punch card.

Because they actually know her when she comes in.

Yeah.

Yep, It's true.

Yep.

so we, that's where we went to deal with the broken wrist.

So, yep, the cast comes off in a

week.

And you were counting on him for

some of that like physicalness

too of what a,

I was, but he's been, a rockstar.

He's worked around the cast

like a

rockstar.

So yeah,

And how is your tooth now?

I am awaiting a root canal this week.

on

the, upside, apparently after the worst four days of pain I've ever

experienced.

Really saying something for someone who has a genetic pain

condition.

the nerves all died, which they said is the exact process that happens.

And all your

pain goes away as you await

What a I don't know.

Yeah.

Yep.

And tell the listeners where your husband is and his leg journey,

About a week ago, he got cleared to walk

And to drive.

so that was great.

That was great.

His driving, is very helpful.

he still has a full time job, but even the

occasional camp pickup or.

store run, is helpful and him being able

to

drive is very mentally That's

but I'm curious, can he walk?

Cause you were describing the muscle atrophy of not having used a leg

for how many weeks has it been?

two months, I think.

So eight weeks.

So can he walk?

it has to be with a brace and there's

still a lot of limping

And he's not allowed much bending.

So it's very limited in its scope, but he can stand And

unload a dishwasher or he can hobble up the stairs.

yeah, baby steps.

It's a slow recovery.

And so between the last time we talked in now, how did things go with

the kitty litter speaking of stairs?

Okay.

So yeah, Everett and I have been doing the kitty litter.

and that has been fine.

I'm as.

Low key and neglectful as I've always been with the candy litter I

just...

change it in one fell swoop.

I would like to tell you there's,

like scooping and

all the things, but there's not.

It just goes

until it gets bad enough we did have one

little incident where

he felt so confident he could get

that bag down the stairs to himself, and I let

him try.

and, it went exactly as worst case scenario

as you could envision.

so that was a real bummer.

Okay, point of clarity for me.

So coming down, so that was.

the used kitty litter.

Yeah, sure was.

It was.

Yep.

we have brooms and

vacuums and we moved

So

wanted to let him try.

Oh yeah, no, and they, if you keep saying no, they just keep wanting to try.

So what is the system that works for that?

We

started adding less kitty litter so that the weight of the used

bag would be small enough.

for me to get down the stairs

by myself.

Oh, okay.

Oh,

without hurting myself,

Awesome.

because the boxes are like, oh my gosh, I

don't know.

Some of them are huge.

They're like 30 pounds or

something.

Yeah, 40 pounds.

something

Yeah, so how are you getting them up the stairs?

He can do that because it's a box.

And

all 60 pounds of him can just cradle the box and hike it up the stairs.

So yeah,

he's my

muscle despite being such a little nugget.

that's pretty awesome.

know.

I love that.

Let's talk about food was a big one.

how go?

it either.

I don't have great revelations in food outside of camp lunches.

as far as

dinner we just tried our

best.

There's a couple restaurants here that do like certain takeout nights where

it's, a meal to go for your

family and it's honestly

less than probably you could make it yourself.

So we leaned into that, just, I continued my journey of

not feeding people dinner them to the pantry, and yeah, so there were no

necessarily great breakthroughs in dinner we did

have a breakthrough in lunches, so our school

district has had free lunches.

for the last two years

because of

COVID.

and that is over now, and so I thought,

okay, I'm going to use

summer camp as a re entry into school lunches,

so that they pack their own lunch.

But It's really

just a reset button.

They haven't taken a lunch in two

years.

as all parents know, it's easier

to start a new system

from scratch than to, change a

system.

I always been so resistant to, individual serving size

things because I just feel so, ego guilty about it.

because my brain's always Oh, why buy the

little

packages of mandarin oranges when I can buy a big

can

And...

we

can put them in Tupperware.

And I just decided like

I had to get over

that.

to get over that.

So yeah, so I

went to the grocery store.

I bought all

kinds of food.

We have a

whiteboard, so,

every week when I

replenish the

food for them

to make their lunches, I

make a little rest.

is Everything we have.

This is everything

we can make.

you can make a PB& J And a turkey sandwich.

Here's all your main

food stuff, and over

here's all your

accessories.

We have

chip bags, We have goldfish bags, we have mandarin oranges,

And so I just direct them to the

whiteboard every

morning, and

they pack their own lunch,

and it's been going amazing, and there's been zero resistance,

and we'll

just Slow it right into the fall when school starts, and they have

to pack

I think that's, I think when you said there were no big

revelations, I think that's huge.

you, yeah, again, like I'm high, I'm like, I'm taking a big yellow

highlighter and saying that's huge.

You empowered your kids.

You gave them the tools.

And I love that it's like this make your own, this is what you have, this is what

you can do, choose your own adventure.

I don't care.

but I, and I think that's a great example of doing something for a kid.

Having the kid do it all themselves and then that in between of I'm going to

support you doing it for yourself and now they're learning those life skills and

I could see Charlotte, especially with the neurodiversity growing up and her

coming home from the grocery store and making her own little lifts like that.

So she knows, that's a great life skill that you just taught your kids.

yeah.

I think that's, I think it's genius.

Yeah.

And we've been transitioning that into, I decided to build

off of that and I thought.

each one of them And handle eventually not right now, one dinner a week.

So my husband taught our 11 year old how to make scrambled

eggs and he thought that was the greatest thing in the entire world.

is an excellent scrambled

egg

maker.

I said, Buddy, just add some

toast and that now would equal a dinner.

You can make dinner for the family.

and then last night,

My husband taught our daughter how to make salmon, which is Everybody likes

it,

and it's crazy simple.

I just bought

the green beans that you steam in the bag.

Which, by the way, I

think

we spoke about this

before.

I

literally didn't even know it could be

that easy.

Both my husband and I have

Italian moms, and so everything

was

from scratch all the time,

And

that's absolutely still where my

head

lives.

It doesn't even occur to me that easier avenues

exist until

I go to someone's house and then I'm like, oh, wow, look who you just did there.

Which is a great example of good, better, best.

Your Italian moms were doing the best version, which is awesome,

but was not within your reach.

And you're like, yeah, bagged green beans is good enough.

Yeah, and so I just bought, I bought salmon and a bag of green

beans, and he showed her, okay, the three of us like this spice,

and you like no spice, this part.

I mean, it's literally throw it in the oven for 12 minutes and hit two minutes

on the microwave and now you have

dinner.

and she was so excited.

I said,

okay, tomorrow we're going to have tacos.

I'm going to teach

you both how to do that.

I said, because like I said, moving forward, when we're ready to

implement,

you're each going to have one night of dinner

a week.

It can absolutely be the same thing every week.

That is perfectly

fine.

but I want you to just have a couple items

that you know

how

I just want to say, in the beginning of this conversation, you

were like, Oh, I'm still a pantry.

No, you're not.

I think I'm bridged with you downplaying that.

Because

I, one of the things we talked about in

the first episode was that you, your

household is split.

Half want a meal, half don't care.

to do.

Yeah,

It sounds to me like, you're finding out a really happy

medium to keep both

That

are now.

towards

that place.

Yeah, so I think it got

easier a week ago once Brian

started walking.

So I

think before that, it was more

pantry pointing.

and now.

that

he's walking,

it's just

eased up just enough of the

burden So that I could say, can you go

teach Charlotte how green beans?

I bought all the

stuff.

It's all on the

counter.

You don't have to remove really, but can you just

walk her through it?

so yeah, just having that Burden ease a little has opened

up the

and to take, I just want to build off of that, especially for

listeners, it's the chunking down aspect.

You said, All the ingredients are on the counter.

You did that first chunk.

Here it is.

It's I was envisioning when they do those, cooking shows, and it's just

yeah, it's really easy when everything's laid out and measured for you.

you did that first step.

It's on the counter.

And then it's chunking.

It's just, this is the salmon.

that's one.

And then the green beans.

And then you can layer in, you, If she didn't want to cook rice, but let's

say Everett wanted rice, and you have a rice cooker, then you, that chunk

goes to Everett to just dump the rice in the water in the rice cooker, right?

And so it's chunking down the different aspects, because maybe Charlotte

one day feels overwhelmed and only wants to do the salmon, and it's

like, then maybe you can do the green beans, Sarah, So again, it doesn't

have to be, it's all on one person's shoulders, you pulled it out for her.

And so again, just that chunking aspect.

Nice.

I love that.

I like that little, you just had a little shimmy of

your shoulders of confidence.

I'm like, yeah, we are doing good.

All right,

I will tell you the biggest revelation all of this.

So we had talked about

using the kid's desire for money because they're

11 and

13, so they want Harnessing that to

maybe get

help around the house.

so I had

two really big

revelations, this one that I think is so universal for all parents the

first one was, this is the less happy realization about you just

have to accept the way something

is and stop trying to be, it to be different.

right now for my kids,

don't know if that's everyone's kids, I don't know if this will get better.

I can't

effectively, no matter how much I pay them,

point to something and say, go do this for

money.

They just, it just

is, there's too much resistance,

they don't want to do it.

However, if I say I have the block

timer, we're going to, we set it to 30 at the end of this 30

minutes, I'm going to give you 5 and we're doing it together.

Then they will do anything

I ask if we're doing

it together.

If they don't feel alone, it clearly did not feel

like

a chore.

So I did 30

minutes with one kid

and then 30 minutes

with the other kid,

And it

was great.

And it was great also because I didn't

have to plan

ahead.

I could just look around whatever room we were in or whatever floor

we were

on, and

I could just game out.

these are the

five things that need to happen in here And I could just

be like, okay, now you're going to empty the trash

or now you're going to do this or and then I would work alongside them.

So I very much wish

I could just be like go to your weekly chores,

but that's just not wouldn't work for us

right now or hasn't

and I love that you have that clarity and I love that you're sharing

it and I hope that resonates with some listeners because as we said from the

beginning, this is not a one size fits all because of what you just said.

As much as you wish you could point at something and say, do this for 5, you

keyed in on, they want to do it together.

They don't want to be alone.

They want to do it together.

And so you found a way to harness that.

It's not unfolding the way you ideally want it to.

But stuff is getting done.

And again, helping people, I always say sometimes I come in and

people are like, I've tried it.

It didn't work.

And I'm like, you tried it one way.

There's other ways to approach something.

let's try it a different way.

So I love that you didn't just walk away and go, they're not motivated by money.

So it's all over.

You like, you came at it from a different angle, which

Yeah.

And I, so I think that will be a mental shift, for my

husband and I moving forward.

Just the mental shift of, yeah, obviously every parent in

America would like to be like, clean your room.

I'll even pay you to do it.

And then, an hour later there's a clean room, but that's

just not

where we're at for whatever reason.

And so we just need to stop wishing it would be that way and just work with what

is, and what is that, that they work great with

buddies.

it's funny, I actually had a memory right there that I hadn't

had in a while, which was from my childhood in the summertime,

we woke up to a list of chores.

We had swim team at 12 or 11, and we had to do chores from when we woke up

to 11, and we did them independently, remember it feeling very lonely.

I was probably a little bit younger when I'm having this memory, I was probably

more like 7 or 8, but I remember thinking like, Yeah, if I was doing it with my

mom, felt easier than sitting in a bathroom by myself, scrubbing the counter.

it just felt it felt like punishment.

Yes.

And I don't.

I don't want it to feel that way because like you said, you

need these skills for life.

you have to put your living quarters back for the rest of your life

or two days ago, my son clearly

needed to clean his room, but I didn't want to help too much just

to preserve my body abilities.

so I just put, I stood in

here and I put on a Spotify

playlist of fun dance music.

and I

just danced around and would guide him to be like Oh, there's garbage over there

and

Oh, get the dirty laundry.

So we were still doing it together,

but I

didn't have to use my spoons of

my body

resources.

that is.

I'm like genius, I want to give you one of those adulting stickers that

says, I hacked this parenting stuff.

I'm a genius.

I think that's I think those, I think you made some huge revelations from this and

I'm so, excited that you're sharing it.

So I'll tell you my biggest chore revelation, which I, it's biggest in

the sense that I think it extrapolates out to all parenting related things.

So,

I very much

embrace gray area, the problem is so frequently, my brain doesn't,

it doesn't occur to me that there

can be gray area

in certain things.

Regarding chores, so I

feel like ever since my kids were born, I have read a billion

articles about do you pay your kids for chores?

Yes, here's why you should, no, here's why you

shouldn't.

Every family seems to have an

opinion on this.

I honestly don't have a strong opinion

either way, or I do in

both ways.

I don't know.

but because we were in this season of needing to just make things work

pivot, it occurred to me, like, Oh my gosh, this is totally gray area.

And so I felt like, I don't know, man, I'll pay you when I'm desperate.

And sometimes you're a member of the family and I'm not going to pay you.

And that is

just the

way, it

is.

Empty the dishwasher.

No, I'm not paying you for this.

Help me clean the living

room.

I'm desperate.

I'll pay

you.

for And it was such a revelation because.

I read all the time.

I think

about parenting stuff.

I have never once read or heard

or seen someone say, I don't know, man, pay him sometimes.

Don't pay him other times.

Who cares?

This is not life or death.

You just have

to get stuff done

sometimes and sometimes you

need a motivation carrot.

And sometimes it's I

don't know, buck up.

You live here, man.

I'm not your maid.

Make it

happen.

, We do not need

to come to some, global conclusion about parenting That's like a bunch of nonsense

magazine stuff that does not

exist in reality.

And honestly, it has worked amazing.

I have never gotten pushback.

Sometimes, I'm like, empty the dishwasher, no, you're a contributing

member of the household, just empty it.

And then sometimes, I'm like, I have our block timer, 30

minutes, I'll pay you 5

bucks, let's do it.

I like, want

every

parent know that can be a gray area.

I think that is actually the law of supply and demand.

You like not a global market, but the family market, mom, it's actually mom's

desire and desire for fulfillment market.

okay.

Some days you're like, dude, you're part of the family.

It's just gonna happen.

There's no option.

Other times, like you, you wanting it more like your levels are changing,

which is then changing that output level.

So in a way, your kids are the value of things changes in life,

like things you buy, right?

Like there, there's variability.

I think that makes a lot of sense that you're like, Nope,

right now, this is worth 5 to me.

that's what it's worth.

And the kid gets to decide if it's worth 5 to them,

Yeah.

Yeah, So it's been, again, it's been great because I had never

even heard that as a concept.

We Stumbled across it as a concept, and it immediately made me

wonder, oh my gosh, what

else in parenting world is like this?

Because again, if you talk to someone,

I just feel like people speak in

such definitives about oh, the children

In my house,

pack their own lunch.

Oh, I pack all their

lunches for them.

They would

just

pack Cheetos.

or it can be like, I don't know, man,

Sometimes I Try to have them pack their lunch and sometimes we're

running late and I pack it.

it just opened my mind of oh, what else has it not occurred

to me could be a gray area

can be?

I would think that it's like that most

places.

People just are not willing

to say it out loud,

which is part of the

reason why we have this

of yes, I try

to be as I

can, but of course, I yell.

It happens.

I,

and I

just, I don't think it's realistic to say that you do

this one thing all

the time, in a house where people are living and becoming people.

They're not machines.

They're, We're

And honestly, I think that's been my biggest struggle as a

parent is what you said.

I think people speak and claim one thing, not at all out of

malice, but just out of, I don't know, brevity of words or whatever.

and then the reality

different.

and it's, that's just not how my brain works, like my brain

only

speaks in like absolute truth, Which is why all my grocery

store interactions are so awkward,

This literally happened four days ago.

I was at a funeral, I saw someone I had not

seen in, swear to god, 15

years,

and of course it was

like, how are you?

And I go,

good.

And then immediately I go, wait, no, I'm not, I take

that back.

I'm sorry, I'm not good.

last year is really

sucked.

I just want to be honest with

you because my brain just can, I like, I can't lie.

like why

I just can't do it.

And

other people's brains can, And again, I do not think it's out

of malice or anything terrible.

but I need people who speak in truths.

so I need people to not tell me my kids do weekly chores and they pack

their own lunches unless they literally mean that's happening all the time.

wait, I want a shirt.

I just thought of a shirt or a hat for you.

That's like warning.

It's like a, it's like a rogue sign.

It's like warning, like radical truth coming your way.

And people only approach you if they like, you make them read the sign and

you're like, okay, we're on the same page.

Okay.

I'm not pretending it here.

Like this is all going to be true.

yes.

Yes!

Yes!

Which I told you either in the last podcast or privately,

which is what, people have very specific reactions, usually to

me, as a human being, or a friend.

Either they're very all in, or they're very, no thank

you, this is way too intense.

so I just want to say though,

this I've been

thinking a lot today specifically about

this need to edit.

So like I've started doing morning pages from the artist's

Yes.

Julia Cameron.

the big thing is these morning pages and not edit.

It's just a word flow today I had this realization of Oh shit, I edit so

unconsciously I

am doing

it without thinking about it.

I just started thinking about my life of Oh my gosh, I am constantly

editing

myself down or

Yes.

We all

And so I

just, as

we're talking about this, I'm like, people are editing out while, They do it

three out of the four weeks

or, except for, the week of 4th of July, which was It's chaos for everybody because

of where the

holiday felt, nobody's saying that

instead they're

just editing all of the

unsavoriness to have it look like a perfect story.

And honestly, I think that's my pain point in life

that other people are doing that

unconsciously and that

they are unconsciously.

Making me feel

alone because I'm just believing, whatever they say.

and it so doesn't match my

reality that I, there just feels like these big gulfs

of difference.

So one, I wanted to just say, I love that you shared that and you were

vulnerable and open, and that's back the curtain or going behind the door.

It's let's talk about the nitty gritty, like what's really happening.

And part of me starting this business was like, where do

you learn how to manage a home?

You read a magazine and it's wash your pillows and like dust your,

dust your baseboards once a week.

And it's but what if I don't like, what's what's the other,

what's the option for reality?

Not ideally like where's that magazine and when you were talking

about editing, like what people present, I think of that episode.

Have you seen Parenthood?

Do you remember?

Oh, you've never seen Parenthood?

No, I haven't.

I've seen, two thirds of the way through.

Emotionally, it can be really emotionally intense, and I'm still

empathetic that my

brain's no, I can't

So my husband couldn't watch it because he's it's like

we're going from our own lives.

And we're then we're just watching it on the screen.

He's I want to escape from our own lives.

oversimplification, there's this one character who it seems like

she's quote unquote, perfect.

the sun is always shining.

Everything's always clean, blah, blah, kids.

I can't remember.

And one of them has, autism.

And then At one point, somebody comes over to her for parenting advice

because she's at her wit's end and she's she has it all figured out.

I'll ask her.

that character, the perfect quote unquote perfect one, had

taken some marijuana, edibles.

And so her filter was off.

So this other mom is coming there for advice and she's like, I'd love to

tell you about this incentive program.

And she's all she's all stoned out of her mind.

She's I'd love to tell you how scripted and how perfectly executed.

She goes, she pulls out this big container of candy.

She goes, I bribe him.

I bribe him.

Every day for everything.

She's like a Twizzler.

If he puts his shoes away, she's M& Ms.

If he washed, he takes a shower.

She's I bribe him.

And it was like, again, like you were saying, it was like that filter.

Cause she was high, just came off and she was just authentic.

And yeah, I love that you're sharing that because.

Yes, what people actually do versus what they present I think

is a societal conditioning, so I'm not mad at individuals.

No, me neither.

I think it came from, this is me totally geeking out because

I love to think of big concepts.

So you manage Your home.

Back in Victorian days was a reflection of how godly you were.

So the cleaner your home, the better it was, the closer to God.

So it became this very, not just a social status, but, am I going to heaven?

Oh, completely.

And then as you go forward from Victorian times and you think of that Mad Men 1950s

era and you think of good housekeeping, Oh, I've got to vacuum my curtains.

Oh, I've got it right.

And everyone's trying to adhere to the same standard from this magazine.

And so people, again, that association that I actually think when they talk

about like generational trauma, I think women Have ingrained in their DNA, this

generational trauma of keeping a house, it should look a certain way because

it's almost as if our humanity is at question if things aren't perfect.

We edit ourselves naturally, so that we are accepted by what

we think society wants from us.

I don't know.

That's my deep dive.

Yeah.

And I just, I don't resonate with that.

And yeah.

So like I said, that's what makes me feel alone.

I think in.

the world is when people resent that.

yeah,

And I'll give you a very awkward grocery store run in

Laci and I said in our first episode, we talked about, who is this for?

And, like, the people who picked up, Marie Kondo and tried to read it and then put

it down, finding our band of misfits.

This show is not for people who want to color coordinate absolutely

every single thing in their house.

this is for people just trying to figure out, like, how do I eat my

food in my fridge before it goes bad?

And if it does go bad, like, best way to, clean it?

basically, . We're not looking for perfection.

We're not even going to get close to that end of the spectrum.

Like we're looking for the people who, like you said, are going to be honest

about like, Oh yeah, I have this bag of lettuce that has turned into liquid

because it's been in there so long.

Let's be honest about that stuff.

And I will say, we talked before about, what are the non

negotiables in your house What do you prioritize?

And I said,

for me, mine was

kindness and mental health.

I don't want a house that's angry and I don't want

a house that's tense and I don't want a house where I'm yelling at my

kids because they have one childhood and we're in it

and there's one chance for me, the best way to do that is whatever I

can do to make my own mental health.

high, will help them.

and Sarah, you've talked about in the past

how, one of the main reasons you

can't compare your home or yourself to other people is chronic illness

or not, everyone has a finite amount of energy and sanity.

And so if they have a Marie Kondo

Smithsonian level museum house,

there's other things that aren't

happening, whether it's frugality,

or sanity, or whatever, it's not your business to know, it's

just your business to

remember that it all, all the stress or whatever squeezes

out somewhere, there's no such

thing as It's everyone

hitting

peak on all the

levels.

I

wish more people would

prioritize the

mental health of their homes, as opposed to the way they look

because we have been able to

maintain that through this brutally terrible season

I'm glad you said that because people listening,

that is the movement here.

That is the movement.

How do you want your home to feel?

How do you want the people in your family to go out into the world?

That's the question.

I do want to add, I was having a conversation with my mom yesterday

or the other day about the podcast.

And she was like, I still don't know how you're going to do it.

Like when you can't see anything.

And I'm like, Mom,

that's

the point.

You can't see anything.

You

have to rely on the narration.

from the people living in their house, because That's

going to tell you about it.

And what I'm really enjoying from you right now, Sarah,

can see you letting go

of some of those things.

and I can also see

you being like, Oh, we're setting up this

you've talked about two different systems that you're setting up for

the future make your life easier.

And I think that's awesome that you're starting to see those

opportunities and you're not worrying about them being done right

That's A, good point that you made to your mom, though, that the

doing this in a podcast format as

opposed to a television format, say, really does allow you

to

focus on a how things feel, which is the whole and B, how to drop the facade.

Because honestly, if you saw my first floor

are you would assume our mental health is much worse than it is

because it's very rough down there.

There are dishes a plenty, but our mental health is

good and people aren't getting

yelled at.

so you'd almost infer the inverse if

you could see the house.

I like that you said that too.

I was thinking of my own home and when I tell people my work, one

of the biggest educational pieces, and my house is not perfect.

people assume that when they come in my house, it's going to

be like this picture perfect.

And I'm like, like you said, No, because that's not my,

that's not my value for my home.

If I wanted my house, we found like a balance point, right?

So between how I want my house to look and the other people living in my house,

how much they care, like if I wanted it to be, look more, they're just going

to start to resent me a little bit more and there's going to be more tension.

They would rather do nothing.

I shouldn't say nothing a lot less than what I asked them to do, but

we found a happy medium between the areas of the home that makes me

comfortable, what I'm willing to let go.

they're willing to do because I would rather us laugh at the

end of the day than be arguing.

About the house, because we could argue to the cows come

home, and I'm not interested.

yeah, I'm on page.

I'm on the same page with you.

I was thinking of all the stuff that we were saying I wrote down a little note

ideal solutions are for ideal situations, which I don't know if that's going to

resonate with anyone so much of this.

You were saying, if your kids really are packing if that's the truth, tell me,

and it's like, then yeah, maybe that's an ideal situation going on with energy

and time and money and all the things.

But even if your situation is ideal for a certain amount of time,

It won't stay that way, because it's

life.

come on.

So really this podcast is like for the less, like the non ideal

life avenue that we all end up on.

One question, I was wondering about the mowing.

I know you've got a very steep yard, you've got a lot of

greenery and Brian couldn't mow while his leg was encapsulated.

we just kicked that can straight down the road, did not mow until he

got cleared to drive, and it, it worked out well enough, because the really

long grass is in our backyard, where you can't see it, and the front yard is

more shady, so our yard just looked a

little shaggy and unkempt.

but I, that was something I put on

his plate of hire who you want to hire,

do what you

want to don't do what you want to

do, yeah, I just put that

in handle however

That's perfect.

And that's a good lesson too, of you put that in his jurisdiction.

And then you walked away so many times as home CEO is we'll put something in

somebody else's jurisdiction and then we'll try to like backseat manage it and

it's Nope, if you're going to do that, you truly put your hands up and go.

Yep.

Okay.

His choice is long I'm on board because that was his choice.

I didn't

I will say chronic illness

is something that does help you do

that.

Like I am the same way with our yard.

I'm like, I can't

do it.

So not my business.

My husband takes care of the yard.

I'm

not going to worry about it.

Cause what am

I going to do?

nag him about it.

I'm not going to go out and mow

it.

the reality of life

does give you the

ability, you know, Thanks, chronic illness

for shutting that part off.

Oh, for any tech listeners or

gadget listeners, I did find two

gadgets for anyone, but

for the chronic illness peeps would enjoy this.

one was we bought a stick vacuum.

So it's basically, I think everybody knows, but if you don't, it's

like a little vacuum that's almost more meant to be used on hardwood

floors.

and that's been great because the kids can use it, and it's a novelty,

and it's faster than sweeping,

and that's been great.

and

the other one was something I had considered for honestly,

I finally bought it off of

Amazon.

So it's a handheld electronic scrub brush for cleaning and it has like

multiple Of different, levels of grit or smoothness or whatever based on what

surface you're cleaning and that has been amazing because Basically, it

takes the elbow grease out of whatever

you're cleaning so

instead of like scrubbing the stain off the

counter or scrubbing the lime off the sink handles,

turn it on and it does the

work for you.

And it's been so

amazing.

I love

it.

a pitch to anyone who needs some body relief but still wants to clean,

you should get one of those rubbers.

The other thing, since we're making recommendations, don't be afraid to get a

grabber.

Oh, I have a grabber.

Oh yeah.

Love

the

got an upstairs grabber

and a downstairs grabber.

And,

love the grabbers.

because there's less bending over.

Like, it's those things that you

don't think about, that you're like, oh,

the amount of energy it takes me

to bend

Well, an orthostatic still.

Yeah.

Bending over is not a thing I should be

and,

an ongoing pitch for

the

block timer, which I've been using forever, and Sarah's talked about

on her website or her

Instagram or maybe both before.

I was laughing because when I was getting the

kids to do chores, it's like if you have a

young kid and they get in the elevator and they want

to push all the buttons.

I thought to myself, oh, I wonder if an 13 year old, if I can, talk this

up enough, that they will give a crap about who gets to, flip the block timer.

And I just talked it up enough, I was like, alright, you get to turn it to

start, and you get to turn it when the alarm goes off, alright, let's go.

And I

just...

mind ninja'd them into thinking it was like something fun to do.

And so we've been using

that for all of our chores.

And I use

it for my

reading time, too.

To, get myself to read in small spurts.

We have a block timer, it quite working cause I need to figure it out

cause, I gave Isaac the job of okay,

you get to do the timer, and then he was like, job done walked off, or

continues to flip it over and over again.

So I gotta, I took it away and we're gonna reposition But I was like,

no, but you still have to help.

you're not just done.

Yeah.

The job

isn't the

ever.

It's a privilege.

It's not

The totality.

so yeah.

But you gotta be thoughtful about it.

I had this huge win yesterday.

it.

felt like when things come full circle and I'm like, yes.

So summertime.

The school electronics have gotten a little heavy.

So I'm like, Hey, we need to rebalance the ledger here.

We need to remember like electronics are not our sole purpose when

we wake up in the morning.

All by his own.

My son came up with, he goes, let's do 2020.

We'll do 20 minutes of working out some kind of physical or mental exercise.

And then 20 minutes of work because we have all these like little tasks and

projects to do and he's and then we get 20 minutes to relax and I was like Wow.

Cause

that is the kid of a home CEO

right

I personally always, I always I always want to relax at the end

of the day when all my work is done.

I never want to sit down until the very end.

And honestly, when he takes his 20 minutes to relax, I just keep chugging along.

But I was like, Oh, and it worked out really well.

We just kept going through the 20 minutes, Oh wow.

I just felt like full circled me.

I don't know what to do with this.

I was like so stoked.

we're over our time, but thank you

Sarah, for sharing, embarking on this journey,

and everything, cause I know I've really gotten a lot out of

it,

Yeah.

My pleasure.

thank you to Sarah for helping come up with all

the ideas

Oh, yeah.

And I'm so thankful for you to be willing to.

Share like you beginning.

I think the more people who realize just the different things that are

going on with people and how we are all adapting and just accepting of that.

And I know from being your friend, I learned so much about chronic health

issues that I knew nothing about.

And I've just become educated on that as well.

And so again, when people who are listening, Thank you.

Before you assume something about anyone else's home, you don't know what's

going on behind health diagnosis, if their husband's leg is not mobile,

if their son broke a growth plate, like maybe you just never know.

You just never know what's going on.

So I appreciate that you were willing to share all those things that

are going on to hopefully make a smoother road for others to be more

accepting of others down the road.

So thank you.

Was the end of our journey with participants, Sarah, so much

good nuggets of information and wisdom and growing and learning.

So I hope listeners out there got at least one thing out of that.

Like we said, in our intro episode, if you can just 1%, 1% growth, 1% joy

spreading 1% knowledge, we don't expect anyone to take away everything from this.

that would be really.

Possible and redonkulous,

so yeah, so I'm glad that we got to help her through this very

interesting chapter in her life.

And as we're at the end of our episode, we're going to do our moment of gratitude

and Lacey, do you want to share?

so I'm going to say I'm grateful for, women, I know that's a big category.

I saw the Barbie movie recently and I saw it with, My fam, some

of my family members, some aunts, cousins, one of my sisters.

And then a few days later we were at a party and we had like a big discussion

about it with those same people and other people who didn't go with us.

and it was just.

It's lovely to have that conversation with a wide range of women.

So like from my niece, who's 17 to, my aunts who are, I think

in their sixties, I don't know.

They're not old in my mind, so I don't know, just to talk

about that and then talk about.

how some of the different things impacted us and how different generations took it.

Just, oh, it was magical.

And I just am so grateful for that experience of it, of being able

to share that with women in my life and in such a tangible way.

I am feeling so grateful for Barbie.

That is great.

I have not seen it yet, but.

On my trip, I just took, I listened to an interview with the director

and it was amazing to hear the evolution of how they wrote it,

how it came to be and everything.

And yeah, I got really excited even hearing the backstory around it.

And I loved it.

At one point she talked about how they were writing it during the shutdown.

And she said, we just swung for the fences.

She's we didn't know if the world was ending.

We had no idea.

So we're like, Hey, look.

Let's try this.

And she said what gave him the freedom to go out there.

And I was like, Oh, yeah, it's so interesting to frame everything.

So I am very excited to see the movie.

I really enjoyed it.

It also, has very heavy themes.

that are in this podcast about, no shame and being who you

are and that kind of stuff.

But lots of stuff that really directly relates to the work that I do over in

the middle when it comes to feeling in between things and never being

enough and being too much and trying to figure out your space in the world and

figuring out how to be okay with it.

yeah, I big fan.

It's in my mind.

I also made myself a chronically ill Barbie shirt.

That's gonna get delivered later That I'm too afraid to sell because I don't

want Barbie to come like Mattel to come after me for breaching their copyright

So I just ordered it for myself and now I'm gonna wear it all the time

That's amazing.

I love that.

But yeah, it's The other thing that I was telling My mom, and I think

I told this to my sister too, or Joe, or someone, I loved all the colors.

I just had this moment where I was like, I, you don't see

color like that in anything.

and it really made me have this moment of Oh, we're going to

get some color in this house.

We're going to get some color going forward because just to

see it, it made me so joyful.

Another part of it isn't.

There's gonna be more color in my world.

I would also love more choreographed dance parties, but I feel like

that's a little bit more of a reach than getting more color.

I'm trying to be realistic for what I can do in my world.

Hop Back to our very first episode where Lacey reveals how she got rug burns

on her knees during her bachelorette party because she did coordinated

lip syncing dance to Backstreet Boys.

I want it that way,

Very much I thought that real, very specific parts of

my personality come out here.

Oh, just...

That's where the good stuff is.

Are you kidding me?

I tell my kid all the time, if everyone was the same, the world would not be

interesting if everyone was the same.

it just, this is the fun part.

This is the juicy.

I love it.

What's making you feel grateful, Sarah?

I mentioned I listened to that podcast because I went on a trip.

So my son and I were able to go back and visit some friends.

And it's one of those, I always call them the upside of tragedies.

Like we hadn't been able to visit our friends in many years

due to stuff beyond our control.

But what was amazing about that was my son got to see the ocean.

What felt like the first time for him, even though he had seen it when

he was younger, he completely forgot.

And so to watch him experience the joy of the ocean, he fell in love with the ocean.

It was.

And the just.

I mean that the purest of joy on his face, like I couldn't stop smiling and

I don't know anyone listening or if you Lacey have ever witnessed somebody

witness the ocean for the first time.

It's so beautiful.

Oh my gosh, I just, I won't even, I won't ever forget that he just

he kept going out there our friend tried to teach us how to go fishing.

And he was so kind and patient.

And my son listened and then he did three casts and then he just, I could

see him looking over at the waves.

He just kept looking and then he goes, okay, I'm going to go into the ocean now.

ha.

And he was like, so happy.

So that is my moment of gratitude.

Honestly, we'll just stay with me every day because it was so beautiful.

I'll.

Do a little teaser that we've got a lot of exciting things

happening at NoShameInTheHomeGame.

com,

merch, memberships, recommended products.

Things are happening.

So I'm going to tease it for now.

if you want to go look at the website, you can, but we'll talk more about it soon.

But that's another thing I'm pretty excited about right now.

I'm excited too.

I went on vacation and I come back and Lisa was like, look what

I've created and it was like, it was so exciting for me to see.

See, yes, you are a wizard and a magician, and I am excited too.

Cause if, again, if this can help people, I'm just so excited.

And if we can get our people together and meet up online and

form a community of support,

Yeah, I have this vision of a forum where people are like, I'm

struggling with this part of my house.

And then people are like, Hey, this worked for us.

This worked for us.

This worked for us.

And just ideas.

And, Sarah and I have talked about maybe doing some Q and A's every month with

a community so that you all can tap into her bright mind and my excitement.

There we go.

so yeah, so we have all those exciting things coming and, that are pretty cool

and we're excited to share with you.

So make sure you're subscribed, listening, join the newsletter to

get all that info as it comes out.

Yes.

was going to say, same excitement, same excitement.

Yes.

Thank you