In this episode of Besties Unfiltered, Liz explores the profound importance of female friendships, sharing personal stories and insights on building connections as adults. She discusses the challenges women face in making friends, the science behind the benefits of these relationships, and practical tips for nurturing and celebrating friendships. The conversation emphasizes vulnerability, community support, and the power of sisterhood in overcoming loneliness and fostering meaningful connections.

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Sources:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9520295/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

https://womensbrainhealth.org/think-tank/think-twice/ucla-study-on-friendship-among-women?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Welcome to Besties Unfiltered, the podcast where real women share real stories. I'm Liz, and each week we dive into the authentic conversations that help women connect, build community, and feel empowered. Whether it's overcoming challenges, celebrating wins, or simply sharing the ups and downs of life, we're here to support one another, no filter needed. Grab a seat, grab your bestie, and let's get to it.

Hey besties, welcome back to Besties Unfiltered. I'm so glad you're here. Today's episode feels really personal, a little raw, and I'm a little scared. We are talking about female friendship and why it matters so deeply, why it's so hard sometimes, and what it takes to build those soul-nourishing connections as an adult. And to be honest with you, I've been sitting with this episode for a while. I've put it off, and then I've been like, ooh, I want to talk about it right now.

And then I go back to putting it off. And it's not because I don't want to talk about it, but because I really want to do this right. Because this topic, it's tender, it's layered, and it's been a huge part of my own healing and identity in womanhood and motherhood over the last several years. So if you have ever felt lonely, overlooked, or like you're craving a connection, but you don't quite know where to start,

You're not alone. You're actually in very good company here. In our last episode, we explored a court of silver flames. And one of the biggest things that stayed with me was Nesta's journey toward deep transformative friendship. The way Gwen and Emery showed up for her despite her rough edges and resistance was such a reminder that we are meant to do life with other women. We are meant to build community. So without further ado, let's dive in.

And I do just want to give a quick little disclaimer. I have the default settings on this podcast to explicit. So that way when I do guest interviews, they, I don't have to filter or edit any of that. Today there might be a little bit of swearing, a little bit of language. I just want to put that out there in case you're listening in the car with kids or around coworkers or other people that maybe language would not be appropriate around. This is a headphones kind of episode.

Okay, before we get into the science and strategy, let me back up and share something a little bit vulnerable. When I first became a mom, I knew I needed connection. So I joined local moms groups just to try and find my people. And after my second baby, we were living in Montgomery and I joined one and I ended up getting kicked out. Yep.

It wasn't really anything that I did. It was that it came out somehow that I was Mormon. And this group was like through a church. ⁓ I didn't attend their Bible study or anything like that. ⁓ I think that there may have been

Another girl in the group that was also Mormon that I went to church with, and I think she maybe attended the Bible study. And all I know is that I got a text message that basically said, it's come to light that you are Mormon. Here are the reasons that's wrong. And I can't remember the exact wording. It's not like I still have the text message. This was eight years ago, but it was, gosh, it was more than eight years ago. No, it was about eight years ago.

⁓ But it essentially was like, your way out, goodbye, don't come back. And it hurt my feelings. But more than that, it was kind of this turning point where you know the scene in Legally Blonde where Elle Woods shows up to the Halloween party in her pink Playboy bunny type outfit and she finds out it's not actually a costume party.

It's embarrassing, she's humiliated, all of this. And she turns around and she says, I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be. That's kind of how I felt. Over the years, when I have coached other women, I often call it my fuck it moment, where just in my head I'm like, screw it, I'm gonna do the thing. I'm gonna show everybody that I can do this thing. And that's kind of what happened in that moment. And I think that this was the first time in my entire life

that I really truly had this experience. And yeah, I mean, like on paper, it sucks to be like, I got kicked out of a mom's group and I didn't even do anything wrong. I just was existing as myself, which is a really sucky feeling. But it was the first time I got to see what I'm capable of. And that helps build a confidence that you can't, I truly think you can't get anywhere else except through.

heartache and failing and choosing to show up anyway.

So I decided that I still needed community and I wanted a space where women could show up as themselves, messy, complicated, real, all walks of life and still be embraced. So I started my own group, nothing fancy. It was the most basic group ever. It was called the Montgomery Mamas group. ⁓ It really was just a few moms meeting at a park once a week. I planned once a week activities and it was a park.

a play date at my house, meeting up at the zoo and walking around together. And slowly it started to grow. There were women who were in the previous group that started to show up at this group. There were women I had never met that started to come to this group. And I met women who I eventually went on to work with, who introduced me to other women, some of whom have become my closest friends today. The kind of friends that would drop off soup when you're sick or

because some of my friends are long distance, send me a Venmo to go pick up my favorite drink from Starbucks. you know, I'm thinking specifically of one of the girls in this group and she's one of my closest friends today. And one of the other women in this group.

The three of us worked really closely together for a long time. And when one of us got sick, the other two did things like a grocery pickup order with, plastic ware so that it wasn't just, hey, we're giving you dinner. It's, hey, we're giving you dinner and making cleanup so easy so that you don't have to worry about dishes piling up in your sink. And that is something I think about often because those are the kind of friends you want.

the friends who help you out when you're sick, who text you after a hard doctor's appointment, who know your favorite drinks, who maybe even know some of your trauma. Even when we moved away, I ended up passing the group onto someone new, and it is still, from what I can see, it still exists. I'm not in the group anymore, I left when I moved, but it makes me really proud to know that that little circle that it started with,

that first awkward invite to come hang out with me turned into something real and lasting. And it all happened because I was willing to be a little vulnerable and take the first step. And I think that's going to be the moral of the story today. So let's talk a little more about why these friendships are so important and so powerful. Mentally and emotionally, they hold us up. They give us a safe space to unload, process, and just be. The science backs it up.

When women connect, we release serotonin and oxytocin. These hormones actually calm our nervous system and help us feel grounded. Physically, friendships are healing. UCLA researchers found that when women are under stress, their first instinct is to tend and befriend. It is literally in our wiring. Connection reduces stress and helps us regulate. And on the personal and professional front, women who have strong female support systems are more confident

more likely to negotiate higher pay, more likely to reach leadership roles, because when women around you believe in you, it is contagious. P.S. All of my sources for this research and science-backed info will be in the show notes if you want to read the articles yourself. Okay, so now we understand these friendships matter and they are really powerful. But why is it so hard as an adult woman to make friends?

Let's not pretend it's easy. It is not. Making friends as an adult is so layered. There's time scarcity, emotional fatigue, trust issues, and just straight up awkwardness. Add in motherhood or chronic illness, moving constantly, hello military spouses. And it's no wonder that many of us feel stuck. I've had my moments, many, where I sat on the couch scrolling social media, seeing other women go on girls trips or post birthday dinners and thinking, why don't I have that?

and then immediately feeling like a loser for even caring. But we're wired for this. Wanting meaningful female friendship does not make you needy, it makes you human. So how do we build those friendships in real life? Well, I think it starts with intention. You can't wait for someone to invite you in, you have to be the inviter. Send the text, set up the coffee, say yes, even when maybe you're a little bit tired. Join things.

Go to book clubs, fitness classes, volunteering groups, anything that creates repeated low pressure interactions. And if you're looking for tools, use tech. There are so many apps out there. There's apps like Peanut and Meetup that are amazing. And I have to give a big shout out to Facebook. ⁓ Facebook groups. Okay, so like I mentioned, I had the Montgomery Mamas group. I also was in a spouses group.

for the local military base. So if you're a military spouse, that's always one of the first things I do when we've moved is I join the local spouses group. I have not once found a friend through that group, but it is a good way to find out about other opportunities and to just kind of get, you know, a lay for the land, if you will. Then I search the town and I usually just search mom group. So with our new move, the first thing I did,

is I, once we had our address, I searched the town we're gonna be in, Mom's Group, and I found two and I joined them immediately. Now, there's also this really cool group that I found when we moved to Minnesota, and I didn't discover it until later, and I'm kind of bummed about that, but I am keeping it on my radar for when we come back, and I'm really trying to find something similar for New Jersey. Hopefully,

This will inspire some of you to find something similar for yourselves. The group was called Minnesota Gals Making Friends. And it was just full of women looking to connect. Literally like classified ads. Women will post their picture and they'll say, hey, this is a little bit about me. I'm looking for friends who want to go hiking. I'm looking for friends who want to go walk around TJ Maxx with a Starbucks coffee in hand. I'm looking for friends who want to play

D &D, like all different types of people showing up and getting to make connections in that way. I've seen multiple smaller niche groups come to fruition from this group. There was a book club that was created when a whole bunch of people commented and were like, I would love to join a book club. Let's start a book club. So I really like that one. And I think what was so special about this group was that it was a

you had to initiate putting yourself out there and saying, hey, this is me, I'm looking for friends, do I sound like somebody you'd wanna be friends with? But it's within the safety of a group where that's the entire point. It's what everyone is there for. So if you don't have something like that where you live, maybe consider starting it yourself. Seriously, you would be surprised how many women out there are hoping for someone to make the first move. And... ⁓

Here's a big one. And it's not something I'm great at. I think it's something I really need to work on. And again, it's hard with just life, but I'm going to say it anyways. Consistency. Real friendship takes time. You may not click immediately. It takes time to build trust and that's okay. Keep showing up. Okay. So now let's talk about celebrating those friendships once they do start to take root. I love Galentine's Day. I know it kind of started as a

joke, but it's become a cultural wink to something really special, which is honoring the women who walk through life with us.

These are the moments that matter. These are the people who make life extra lovable. So here's your invitation today. Reach out to one woman, someone you've drifted apart from, someone you want to know better, someone who just popped into your head right now. Send the text, ask her to coffee or to go shopping or to do a play date or just tell her you're thinking of her.

I know it's scary, I know it's vulnerable, but it's so, so worth putting yourself out there. And if this episode resonated with you, made you feel seen or sparked something in your heart, I'd love your support. You can visit buymeacoffee.com slash Liz Gillie if you want to help me in creating these vulnerable community driven episodes. All right. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being a part of Besties Unfiltered Community. And thank you for believing in the power of sisterhood.

Until our next time, go love on your people.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Besties Unfiltered. I hope today's conversation left you feeling inspired and connected. Remember, we're all in this together and there's power in sharing our stories. If you loved today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your besties. And as always, keep being real, keep being you, and I'll catch you next time. No filter, just friendship.