Welcome to the fourth episode of the Entrepreneurs with ADHD Series! In a world that often perceives ADHD solely through the lens of deficits and challenges, it's time to embrace a new perspective.  

In this solo episode, I will examine seven of the most common symptoms of ADHD, as listed in the DSM V (the current edition of the psychiatric manual) and then use examples of clients,  friends, and family members, as well as myself, to change the story from limitation to advantage.

Here are 5 key takeaways you can expect from this uplifting episode:

• Identify with individuals who have ADHD and excel at juggling diverse tasks with ease, turning distractibility into adaptability and spontaneity.
• Discover how ADHD forgetfulness can be a source of mindfulness and can lead to more honest and authentic relationships
• Recognize impulsivity as the source of spontaneity and adaptability, essential traits for navigating the uncertain waters of entrepreneurship.
• Find out how restlessness can be a reflection of curiosity and a thirst for exploration, driving individuals with ADHD towards exciting adventures and novel experiences.  
• Embrace inattentiveness as a gateway to creativity and original thinking, paving the way for innovative artistic endeavors and bold experimentation.

Mentioned in this episode:

Episode # 206_Meditation and Mindfulness for Busy Brains with Jude Star 

Episode #  How to Deal with Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD) 

Loved this episode? Word of mouth is still the very best way to help this podcast grow, so please share it with a newly diagnosed friend or one who has yet to see their ADHD traits as strengths.  Here’s a link to make it easy: https://kite.link/transforming-your-adhd-symptoms-into-strengths

If you’re ready to make your business more ADHD-friendly, especially if you struggle to see your ADHD traits as strengths,  book a free consultation here.  Let’s talk about how I can help.

In a world that often perceives ADHD solely through the lens of deficits and challenges, it's time to embrace a new perspective. One that recognizes the many hidden strengths within. The DSM 5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, outlines a number of symptoms that are associated with ADHD in adults. Now while they have historically been seen as obstacles, in this episode, I want to invite you to explore them as strengths so we can shift the conversation from problems to possibilities.

Now one of the reasons I decided to pivot away from being a therapist into being a coach was because I wanted to help people in a way that was not stigmatizing. Of all the things that can be helpful to us as adults with ADHD, whether we decide to seek an official diagnosis or not, is the thoughts that we have about our ADHD and what we make it mean. Now I do not advocate for being in denial, being delusional, or choosing to be ignorant about your ADHD or the impact that it has on you or others. But I do think that choosing to adopt and embrace a strength based mindset is probably one of the very best things you can do for yourself. Something that I choose to call radical self acceptance, so how about getting some practice.

In this episode, I'm going to cover 7 of the most common ADHD symptoms and transform them into strengths. Starting with one that most people automatically associate with ADHD even if they don't know anything about the condition. Now because ADHD is diagnosed primarily based on behavior, we are going to start with the more externalizing traits. The ones that are more readily observable by others, and then gradually move towards the more internalizing one by the end of this episode. So by the time I'm finished, it is my hope that you will feel seen, understood, and accepted. And if it helps you feel more positively about yourself and your ADHD traits, I want you to share this episode with someone who needs to hear it okay? Okay, alright, here we go.

Starting with, drum roll, please, hyperactivity. Well, hyperactivity is historically viewed as disruptive and I'm talking about primarily physical hyperactivity. It's the number one reason that primarily little boys come to the attention of a developmental pediatrician or child psychiatrist. Now depending on where you live, it may be the general pediatrician. And usually, it's based on a call from the school to the parents who may not have even thought there was anything wrong with junior at all. Chances are because ADHD is a highly inherited condition, which means one or both parents behave in similar ways. So it is believed that you need to sit still, be quiet, keep your hands to yourself, follow directions, and so on in order to learn.

So if you have any trouble doing any of those things, you have a problem. It's also believed that you need to be able to follow the teacher's instructions and want to do so. That's an awful lot for a little kiddo. Especially, you know, wiggly hyperactive little boys, which by the way are most little boys, not just the ones who go on to become diagnosed. So this outdated perception of hyperactivity fails to capture both the bigger picture and a strength based one. For example, not all children who are hyperactive have ADHD. They might have anxiety. They might have PTSD. They might have a thyroid condition, or they might have had prenatal exposure to substances. All of those things cause hyperactivity too.

Ready for more? Not all hyperactivity is disruptive. Some hyperactive kids grow up to become highly successful entrepreneurs and entertainers, think Justin Timberlake. And hyperactivity can be reframed in a positive way. Are you ready for the first example? Hyperactivity can be thought of as boundless energy and enthusiasm and where I come from, those are strengths, not symptoms. I mean, think about your favorite adult with ADHD hey, it might even be you. In business and in the workplace, individuals with ADHD often bring an infectious quality to team dynamics and inject a sense of urgency and excitement into collaborative projects. Now that may be because we get bored easily.

We tend to be impatient, but it's our hyperactivity that makes it so. Consider my friend, Stephanie, a marketing consultant who is known for her dynamic presentations and her ability to infuse energy into team meetings, even virtual ones. I just participated in a full day virtual meeting that she facilitated that was for entrepreneurs with ADHD. Now that is no small feat. Now others will struggle to maintain their focus, but, you know, Stephanie's hyperactivity brings excitement to all of her marketing events and allows her to lead with innovation and momentum. Stephanie's colleagues admire her, and I'm one of them, for her ability to ignite passion and to rally support for all of her ambitious goals, drawing inspiration from her drive and optimism.

So rather than stifling her own hyperactive energy, Stephanie uses it to become a catalyst for creativity and collaboration, which if I'm not missing something, that is where bold ideas flourish and where out of the box thinking is the norm. Now outside of work, hyperactivity can present or manifest as a zest and a zeal for life, the continuous pursuit of adventure and excitement. So whether you're embarking on a spontaneous road trip or just diving headfirst into any new hobby and you know what you know, individuals with ADHD embrace each moment with an unbridled enthusiasm and savor the exhilaration of novelty and exploration. I remember hearing years ago, a woman who was just so just flummoxed with my enthusiasm and my excitement for just about everything.

And finally one day she just kind of looking at me askance and I just said, is there something you wanna say? She said, you're just always so passionate and I thought, yep, that would be me. But it was so unfamiliar to her that she just couldn't figure out why. Well, this was years before my ADHD diagnosis. Because if I'd had it, I probably would have told her, you're looking at ADHD, baby, you know? Anyway, so if this describes you, come on, you're the life of the party. You might as well enjoy yourself right? So let's start thinking about your hyperactivity as a strength and not a challenge even if other people don't get it. It's really important that you do and that you're able to think about it in a positive way.

Okay, you ready for number 2? Moving on, impulsivity. Alright, now impulsivity is typically thought of as, you know, reckless. I mean, we're thinking like gambling, drug abuse, shoplifting. But impulsivity could just as easily be reframed as spontaneous and adaptable. Now, listen, I'll be the first one to admit that impulsivity can and sometimes does lead to missteps. Like, I have openly acknowledged my own issues with impulsivity and the guilt and shame that I used to feel as a result. But what's also true is that my impulsivity has enabled me to navigate uncertainty with confidence and a high degree of agility. It's one of the reasons why so many people with ADHD become entrepreneurs.

Because our impulsivity allows us to make rapid decisions, which I think are pretty essential for survival, especially if you are in a competitive landscape like tech start ups for example. In that case impulsivity become a strategic asset, think about it. The willingness to seize opportunities and act on them without being overly fixated on whether they're going to, quote unquote, work or not, that requires a fair amount of impulsivity. Now I've mentioned this a number of times on this podcast, but it bears repeating again. Those who grew up participating in team sports did something in high school like debate or had some form of a competitive pursuit growing up have a decided advantage as entrepreneurs. Why? Because they have gained valuable experience dancing with fear, uncertainty, and doubt. In fact, I've recorded an entire other episode about FUD, fear, uncertainty and doubt. I will link to that in the show notes and what did they gain from that? A fuck ton of resilience okay.

Let me tell you about my friend, Kevin. Kevin is a serial entrepreneur who is known among many for his ability to think on his feet. Others can spend days, hours, weeks deliberating over making decisions. Kevin trusts his impulses and his track record of seizing opportunities and navigating challenges with agility. His impulsivity can hardly be considered a flaw. I think of it as an unfair advantage that just propels him forward in the fast paced world that he moves in. Now truth be told, because I know him rather well, he's made his share of mistakes. He has followed impulses that didn't pan out, but I'll tell you what, because he is impulsive, because he doesn't concern himself excessively with whether something's going to work out or not, he takes a lot more risks.

So if you just simply consider the numbers, the more risks you take, the more fails you'll have. But the more successes you'll have too, because the more risks you take. You get me? So for somebody like Kevin, his impulsivity is not a flaw. And the more he executes on it, the more he can study which impulses panned out and which poor misses or flat out fails. That means impulsivity plus experience equals insight and wisdom, which equals better decisions down the road.

Now let's talk about personal relationships. Impulsivity in personal relationships can lead to friction, no doubt. But it can also foster a sense of spontaneity and adventure, whereby even mundane interactions can be infused with a sense of excitement. The people I know who are more impulsive tend to be the ones who throw those great impromptu weekend parties, or will surprise a friend with the most thoughtful gesture that you couldn't possibly have planned because they thought of it on an impulse. Those with ADHD tend to bring an element of unpredictability to all their relationships. Something we refer to in my family of ADHD adults as never a dull moment. So that's your strength based approach for impulsivity.

You ready for the next one? Okay, here we go, let's take on restlessness. Restlessness is a trait that I think most people with ADHD have, whether it's more overt or more subdued. It's usually thought of as agitation. And a lot of women with ADHD first get diagnosed with anxiety. And if they have a really good clinician or a series of them, or maybe they figure it out on TikTok, eventually they realize, I'm not anxious, I have ADHD. But restlessness can also be viewed through a strength based lens as a reflection of our curiosity and our thirst for exploration. In a world that's filled with seemingly endless possibilities and opportunities, the world we're living in now, individuals with ADHD can actually embrace the moment with a sense of wonder and excitement better than most.

I want to tell you about my friend Shannon. She is a salon owner, a hair salon owner, who's really known for her sense of adventure. First of all, she does amazing hair but in addition to that, she's also known for just spontaneously heading out in her little vintage camper and exploring places she hasn't been before with very little planning involved. Now a lot of people are content to stay in their comfort zone, but you're not gonna find too many people with ADHD who are like that. Shannon is one of those people who constantly craves excitement and novelty. So she seeks out new destinations and new experiences. Now when she's not taking spontaneous road trips in her little vintage camper, she's changing her hair color, I would say, on average, 4 to 6 times a year.

And I mean both like natural looking colors and colors that do not grow out of any human head. You know what I'm talking about, like manic panic kind of stuff. Now in personal relationships, restlessness can cause friction, especially if you're partnered with someone who does not have the same degree of need for adventure and excitement. But if you are partnered with someone like Shannon is, her partner Larissa, she doesn't share that same need for wanderlust, but she supports it completely. So you either need to get with someone who has that restlessness and you can have a very exciting life, or someone who really supports your restless side and doesn't try to inhibit you.

Alright, next up, this one is very close to me. I wouldn't have a podcast if this were not true. We're talking about excessive talking. Now excessive talking can be seen as obnoxious. It can be seen as a nuisance. I have been told, you know Diann, not all things deserve commentary, but I am an excessive talker and I always have been. So I choose to reframe it as a gift for communication and storytelling. A gift that you might even appreciate and enjoy if you're listening to this podcast, I'm just saying. So I think we are at a time in human history where people are more connected in a digital way, but more disconnected in an emotional way.

So those of us who have the gift for gab and who like to use it to forge relationships through the art of conversation, we're needed very much right now. And I'll tell you, many of my female friends and female clients who have ADHD are excessive talkers, You could also say hyperverbal. I don't even like the word excessive because it implies that it's too much. And if you're really, really a quiet, peace loving, antisocial person, it's of course gonna be too much for you. However, a lot of the people close to me have turned it into very successful careers as keynote speakers, podcast hosts and guests, journalists, radio personalities, award winning sales executives, and performance artist.

I mean, if you're on the run from the law, and you need to, like, hide under somebody's stairs, and you are an excessive talker, and hyperactive, and impulsive, you're probably gonna get found. I know that's an extreme example, but you get me right? So it depends on the situation and it depends on the goodness of fit between an individual with ADHD and these traits and the situations that they find themselves in and place themselves in. But in my book, this so called excessive talking can absolutely foster deeper connections between individuals with ADHD and the people in their life. Because we love to embrace the opportunity to share our thoughts, share our feelings, and share our experience with others.

So we'll be the ones who will be engaging in a heartfelt conversation in the corner at a party or sharing lighthearted anecdotes. I mean, you name it. People with ADHD will often be in conversation with someone, and this can foster a sense of trust and intimacy. Now, obviously, it needs to be balanced with insight and self awareness, so that the other person has an opportunity to share as well. I mean, we all know what it's like to have somebody who just completely monopolizes the conversation, and the other person literally cannot get a word in edgewise.

However, I've noticed that quite a few chatty Kathys with ADHD, like me, tend to partner with more introverted spouses who might get annoyed sometimes because sometimes we really do talk too much, and we need to just go point it at somebody else and give our partner a break. But many chatty Kathys with ADHD tend to partner with the more introverted spouse who appreciates how our communication skills draw people to us as a couple. This can work out great long term as long as the partner with ADHD does not constantly monopolize the communication or just assume that their partner doesn't have as much to say. You gotta create space and ask.

Okay, next up is inattentiveness. We can also think of that as difficulty sustaining our attention. So inattentiveness, let's face it, typically perceived as a hindrance. Something that interferes with our ability to be productive, get things done. But it could just as well be viewed as a reflection of our creativity and original thinking. Okay, now stay with me on this one, because it's a little bit nuanced. In the realm of artistic expression, individuals with ADHD very much excel at thinking outside the box. I mean, they don't even care about the status quo. They're going for the bold experimentation.

I'm gonna tell you about Jess. One of my clients who is a graphic designer, who is known for her, I would say, somewhat unconventional approach to branding. Other designers will meticulously follow the proven processes that they are known for, but Jess unfailingly follows her intuition. Which means that it's always uncharted territory and always pushes the boundaries of conventional design. Jess's ability to see the world differently inevitably leads to unique outcomes. The kind that set her apart from her peers and make her work so valuable. It exudes a sense of authenticity and originality that when you are looking at her work, you know it's hers because it never looks like anybody else's. This attracts a discriminating clientele who really value uniqueness, which is exactly what she delivers.

Now in the day to day life, inattention can make it difficult to get dinner on the table, get the laundry washed, folded, and put away, and keep the gas tank full so that when you go pick up the kids from school, you actually make it to the school. But, also be seen as the source of spontaneity and curiosity. Because I promise you, individuals with ADHD can find joy in exploring just about anything because it's how we're wired. Whatever is just a little bit new, a little bit different, any unexplored territory can be a source of passion. Now, we obviously can end up chasing way too many shiny objects for our own good and fall down way too many rabbit holes. You know it and I know it. But like all of these traits, it's never all bad or all good. We just need to accept the fact that we need some guardrails, install them and use them.

Okay, forgetfulness. This is the one that's probably one of my biggest struggles as a person with ADHD. And it's really annoying to me when, as an older person, people say, Oh, you having a senior moment? I'm like, no, bitch, I've been like this my whole life. It's not a senior moment. It's forgetfulness and it's my ADHD, not my age. I mean, forgetfulness is almost inevitably seen as a liability. It's seen as an inconvenience. It's seen as an annoyance. And we forget things like people's names, or the fact that they've already told us a story, or we've told them a story and now we're repeating it all over again and their eyes are rolling. I mean, it can be thought of as a character defect, like you just don't give a shit, and you weren't paying attention the first time, so of course you forgot. But we could view it as a reflection of our tendency to live in the present moment. I mean, we were the original mindfulness teachers. We are in a world where we are consumed by constant distractions and let's face it, more than ever, information overload.

I think it's one of the reasons why so many people are experiencing symptoms of burnout. And by the way, on the topic of burnout, that's what we're talking about in our very next episode. So in my way of thinking, when it comes to forgetfulness, individuals with ADHD are better at staying grounded and attuned to the here and now. Because we're not busy thinking about the past or the future. When we are thinking too much about the past, we are generally indulging in regret and guilt and shame, which leads to depression. When we're thinking too much about the future, it is usually with worry and doubt and uncertainty, which causes anxiety. I think it's perfectly obvious why so many of us get diagnosed with anxiety and or depression years before we find out we have ADHD, because not understanding why we're different and what to do about it, inevitably is going to lead to those things. And for me, number 1 was forgetfulness.

So how do I think about it now? Well, I'll tell you what, if you missed my self care series, you definitely want to go back. Let's finish listening to this one, e're in it, right? We're in this together. But after, if you have time or, you know, set it aside for later. Episode 206 was my interview with fellow therapist, adult with ADHD, and meditation teacher, Jude Star. Now Jude is known for his ability to connect on a very deep level with his clients. How does he do it? Embracing the present moment with clarity and presence. How does he do it? Because he has ADHD. So by being present, he's free from worry about his past mistakes and his uncertain future.

Now, Jude is able to cultivate mindfulness and teach it to others so that it becomes a journey of self discovery and personal growth. This is empowerment to be able to embrace the present moment by letting go of all attachments to the past and the future. So if you wanna continue to think of forgetfulness as a hindrance, I can't stop you. But Jude sees it as an opportunity to cultivate greater awareness and acceptance of the present moment, like be here now. If you're forgetful, your personal relationships will experience this forgetfulness. Once I reached the point where I decided to embrace radical self acceptance and stop feeling so badly about my forgetfulness, I could finally approach relationships with more honesty and more openness and stop feeling like I always had to apologize for what I was forgetting.

Now I do warn people that I'm meeting now, and I've talked about this in other episodes. I don't pretend that I remember something anymore. I fully acknowledge that I forgot. I don't say, oh, you know, I have ADHD. What do you expect from me? I just say, I'm terribly sorry, I forgot. Would you mind telling me again? Or when someone says, oh, I don't know if I've already told you this before. I say, you may have, but I I'd love to hear it again. It doesn't have to be a problem. I am in this moment. I may not remember it later, but I've also become more honest with people about my forgetfulness. I've become more honest with myself about my forgetfulness, and I also put some guardrails in place to protect me from forgetting absolutely everything because then I couldn't focus very well.

So whether we are sharing intimate conversations or engaging in spontaneous adventures, forgetfulness can be seen as a way of being more open and honest and unencumbered by the weight of past or future expectations. You know what, there's another nuance to this that I think is really interesting. I'd be curious to know if you have experienced this as well. So if you have, like email me, DM me, or send a review of the podcast.

Over the course of my lifetime, I have been told many, many times that I seem younger than I actually am, and this has happened at every age and stage. I finally realized that it's probably because of my ADHD forgetfulness. Now stay with me because this is gonna sound kind of weird, but some of you may know what I'm talking about. I simply am unable to dwell on the past or the future. A lot of it, I don't remember. I may have been so upset about something, but it's like I get over it because my brain is not that sticky, things don't stick to me. I can be really upset in the moment, but then I can move on rather quickly.

I also don't have the ability to worry a lot about the future, because I can't hold information very long in my mind. That means I also can't hold the pain that goes with so much information. I've come to think of this as maintaining a childlike state or a sense of spontaneity and wonder. I've also held on to almost all of my idealism, even though I've been through many painful, tragic things in my life, including tremendous betrayal. But people think of idealism as childish or childlike. So I'm willing to consider that my inability to hold on to memories, both positive and negative, means that I can maintain a more idealistic childlike state. But it also means I can much more readily forgive myself and others. So think about this, if this applies to you, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Okay, ready for the last one, I promised just 7. We're coming up on the 7th, and it's a biggie. Okay, because if you have ADHD inattentive distractible subtype, you probably think of yourself as having ADD, it's because of this one, distractibility. Now, very few people think of distractibility as anything but a huge barrier to productivity, but stay with me, because it can also be reframed as versatility and adaptability. I mean, we are in an increasingly interconnected global village, and I believe that individuals with ADHD excel, not just keep up, excel at juggling diverse tasks and responsibilities with ease. I haven't talked much about my daughter Marissa, but I want to tell you a little bit about her now, because she's a perfect example of this.

So my lovely daughter Marissa is an event planner and she is known among her peers for her ability to tackle diverse assignments with flair. She absolutely thrives on juggling a variety of different events, seamlessly transitioning between their demands with ease. Now because I know her really well, I know she does experience stress and anxiety, of course, she does. But rather than viewing her difficulty with sustaining attention, AKA distractibility as a limitation, Marissa recognizes that it is a unique skill that allows her to excel in the fast paced ever changing world of event management and event planning.

I recently had the opportunity to spend several days with her in San Francisco for Mother's day, that's where she lives. And she brought me to meet a number of people she works with and has worked with and they, of course, adored her. It was very easy for me to see, not just because I'm a proud mama, but because I see her as a highly functioning adult woman with ADHD. It's easy for me to see how her distractibility serves her in her personal relationships. Because difficulty sustaining attention means she's very adaptable. She's very spontaneous, and because she really, really cares about her long term friendships, they are infused with acceptance and trust. Not surprisingly, a lot of the people she knows and has become friends with have ADHD as well.

Now none of these traits are flowers and rainbows, so I hope that I have not given the impression that I think they are. But for example, Marissa, yeah, it bothers her that she's distractible. It bothers her that she can't always maintain her attention to things as long as she wants to. But guess what? She has developed a very robust planning and follow-up system that her employer has asked her to teach to everyone else on the team. Why? Because she can't rely on her memory, and because she gets distractible. So here's the thing by the time we are adults, and if you are a woman, that's probably when you found out about your ADHD right? You've gotten plenty of negative feedback, eye rolls, scratched heads, and all the rest throughout your life, before you knew who you were and how you were.

As for me, I was called oblivious, motor mouth, no filter, and reminded countless times of something I forgot. I mean, it's still triggering to me when someone says, well, as we've discussed Diann, I'm like, yeah, what the fuck ever. But reframing our ADHD symptoms, which have gotten us this negative feedback over our lifetime, and really encouraged us to see ourselves as having weaknesses, faults and deficits. Why not explore the full potential of our traits? Why not accept the invitation to transform obstacles into opportunities. I mean, what have you got to lose? But self doubt and injuries to your self esteem, which as far as I know, have never done anybody any good at any time. Why not embrace a new narrative, one that celebrates the power and the resilience that is adults with ADHD.

So if this episode resonated with you, any part of it, will you please share it with someone who needs to hear it, you know the one. And I will be back next week with my exciting guest interview about burnout and ADHD. So I'll be right here for it, I hope you will too. That's all for now, folks.