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Living Your Noble Goal In Trying Times
Episode 70 • 23rd March 2022 • Spirit of EQ • Jeff East and Eric Pennington
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If you haven't heard our past episodes about developing a Noble Goal, here is a link to a collection of episodes we would encourage you to listen to.

By definition, Noble Goals help you Connect your daily choices with your overarching sense of purpose.

But does or can a noble goal change over time?

Can it survive threats to living it out? Can it transcend outside forces?

And how can we stay focused during trying times?

And then, how does our Noble Goal turn from focusing on you to connecting with other people around you? Your family, friends, co-workers?

Level 42 - Lessons In Love

Pink Floyd - On The Turning Away

In each episode, Jeff and Eric will talk about what emotional intelligence, or understanding your emotions, can do for you in your daily and work life. For more information, contact Eric or Jeff at info@spiritofeq.com, or go to their website, Spirit of EQ.

You can follow The Spirit of EQ Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Android, or on your favorite podcast player.

New episodes are available on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays every month!

Please review our podcast on iTunes. Click on the link for an easy, step-by-step tutorial.



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This podcast was created to be a tool to primarily help you to discover and grow your EQ. Science and our own lived experiences confirm that the better we are at managing our emotions, the better we're going to be at making decisions. Which leads to a better life. And that's something we all want. We're glad that you've taken the time today to listen. We hope that something you hear will lead to a breakthrough. We'd really appreciate a review on your podcast platform. Please leave some comments about what you heard today, as well as follow and subscribe to the podcast. That way, you won't miss a single episode as we continue this journey.

Transcripts

Eric Pennington:

:

Today's episode is living your noble goal in trying times

Eric Pennington:

:

with me as always as Jeff East with The Spirit of EQ.

Eric Pennington:

:

Hi Jeff, how are you?

Jeff East:

:

How's it going, Eric? And I hope everyone else is having a

Jeff East:

:

good day.

Eric Pennington:

:

So the noble goal, you know, this one's kind of tripped me

Eric Pennington:

:

up over time because I always think of Monty Python.

Eric Pennington:

:

I don't know why.

Eric Pennington:

:

It just makes me think of the noble goal.

Eric Pennington:

:

And I'm waiting for John Cleese to come out and do

Eric Pennington:

:

something very silly.

Eric Pennington:

:

But having said that.

Jeff East:

:

You just took me down a road.

Jeff East:

:

We probably don't want.

Eric Pennington:

:

To go down, but. Well, yeah, and that will save that one.

Eric Pennington:

:

But okay, can you maybe for the audience for the first time

Eric Pennington:

:

listeners or maybe those that might be forgetting, can you

Eric Pennington:

:

kind of give a little bit of background or a little bit of

Eric Pennington:

:

narrative around what a noble goal is?

Jeff East:

:

Okay. In in our model of emotional intelligence, one of the

Jeff East:

:

competencies that we have, and I think this is probably the

Jeff East:

:

most important is something called your noble goal.

Jeff East:

:

And a noble goal is.

Jeff East:

:

Not a goal.

Jeff East:

:

Like I want to be the president of the company or make

Jeff East:

:

$1,000,000 or things like that, own a big house.

Jeff East:

:

There's nothing wrong with those goals, but those are goals

Jeff East:

:

that you can actually achieve.

Jeff East:

:

If you put your work into it, you'll get to that point.

Jeff East:

:

A noble goal is something different.

Jeff East:

:

A noble goal is kind of what defines you and what drives

Jeff East:

:

you. Another way to look at a noble goal is to be a little

Jeff East:

:

morbid. What will people say at my funeral?

Jeff East:

:

Are they going to be talking about my big house or are they

Jeff East:

:

going to be talking about, you know, whenever I needed

Jeff East:

:

something, they were there for me.

Jeff East:

:

They were always a kind person.

Jeff East:

:

They always put other people first.

Jeff East:

:

So what do you want people to say about you?

Jeff East:

:

So your noble goal is something, the reason you get up in

Jeff East:

:

the morning. The other thing about the noble goal, unlike

Jeff East:

:

the tangible goals that I talked about, is it's something

Jeff East:

:

you'll never achieve because you're always going to be

Jeff East:

:

working towards it.

Jeff East:

:

You're always that's always going to be a part of your life

Jeff East:

:

no matter where you are in your life.

Jeff East:

:

You know, if you're middle in your career, if you're

Jeff East:

:

retired, if you're in school, it's always going to be a

Jeff East:

:

part of you. So it's something that you're always aspiring

Jeff East:

:

to. It gives you direction.

Eric Pennington:

:

So, Jeff, let's go back to that.

Eric Pennington:

:

The reason you get up in the morning thing, obviously the

Eric Pennington:

:

last two years now going on, I guess we're in year three

Eric Pennington:

:

between pandemics, violence, politics and now a war.

Eric Pennington:

:

How important is it to have a reason for getting up in the

Eric Pennington:

:

morning? Do you think?

Jeff East:

:

Because of those things you said, it would be real easy just

Jeff East:

:

to pull the covers back up over your head.

Jeff East:

:

Yeah. Since this.

Jeff East:

:

Okay. Go away world.

Eric Pennington:

:

Yeah.

Jeff East:

:

But a noble goal, I think, is going to be energized in this

Jeff East:

:

time because.

Jeff East:

:

If you are aware of how it's affecting you, you're going to

Jeff East:

:

be aware of how it's affecting other people.

Jeff East:

:

So what difference can I make out there?

Jeff East:

:

Just by being who I am.

Eric Pennington:

:

Just by that you mean in the sense of breeding?

Eric Pennington:

:

More empathy?

Jeff East:

:

Yeah, more empathy.

Jeff East:

:

Being aware of what's going on with people.

Jeff East:

:

And the thing about empathy is unlike sympathy, empathy.

Jeff East:

:

Empathy usually follows with some kind of an action.

Jeff East:

:

An action that is appropriate.

Eric Pennington:

:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eric Pennington:

:

It's interesting because I wanted to throw that out because

Eric Pennington:

:

I know and it may not even be the war, it may not be the

Eric Pennington:

:

pandemic. It could just very well mean that your

Eric Pennington:

:

experience, somebody out there is experiencing just the

Eric Pennington:

:

cars that life.

Jeff East:

:

Deals.

Eric Pennington:

:

Without our notice or our permission.

Jeff East:

:

Exactly.

Eric Pennington:

:

I almost think the noble goal is like that.

Eric Pennington:

:

It's almost like a form of oxygen that keeps you focused

Eric Pennington:

:

and, and.

Eric Pennington:

:

Well, if yeah.

Eric Pennington:

:

If that makes sense.

Jeff East:

:

Yeah. It keeps you focused.

Jeff East:

:

It keeps you energized.

Jeff East:

:

It. Allows you to make a difference.

Eric Pennington:

:

Mm hmm. And that's a good point, too, right?

Eric Pennington:

:

Because. If we don't have a noble goal, how much of a

Eric Pennington:

:

difference are we making?

Eric Pennington:

:

And I know that can be relative.

Eric Pennington:

:

I mean, I'm not here to judge anybody's intentions or

Eric Pennington:

:

plans, but.

Jeff East:

:

You know, I think you might be making a difference by

Jeff East:

:

accident. But now I want to because, you know, you're that

Jeff East:

:

kind of a person. But two things with the noble goal is

Jeff East:

:

when I've worked with people, did debriefs and we talked

Jeff East:

:

about noble goal, they'd never heard of the concept.

Jeff East:

:

But there's a lot of people that are living a noble goal

Jeff East:

:

and don't know what it is.

Eric Pennington:

:

Right. And I guess what I think about in those terms and you

Eric Pennington:

:

can course correct me here, but is it the difference

Eric Pennington:

:

between I happen to be walking on a busy street in a large

Eric Pennington:

:

city and I encounter someone who is or appears to be

Eric Pennington:

:

homeless and I buy them lunch and then I go on about my

Eric Pennington:

:

way. Versus the person who sees that problem and says,

Eric Pennington:

:

that's something that I really want to address and I'm

Eric Pennington:

:

going to start volunteering and I'm going to start and they

Eric Pennington:

:

build this thing to where they're sort of their purpose is

Eric Pennington:

:

around helping those who are in that kind of situation.

Jeff East:

:

They take their concern for other people which buying

Jeff East:

:

somebody lunch is meeting a need.

Eric Pennington:

:

Right. I'm glad you said that.

Eric Pennington:

:

It's not saying that that buying of lunch in a one off

Eric Pennington:

:

situation is not important or not good.

Eric Pennington:

:

We're just talking about, I think, intentionality.

Eric Pennington:

:

Right.

Jeff East:

:

Right. And it's something now becomes something that you're

Jeff East:

:

a focus on. Right.

Jeff East:

:

And. That's when it can turn into a noble goal without you

Jeff East:

:

even knowing it. Because you do volunteer.

Jeff East:

:

Right. Maybe you volunteer at a shelter, right?

Jeff East:

:

Maybe you work with the people that run the shelter to do

Jeff East:

:

fundraising. Or it's just.

Jeff East:

:

But it's now a part of who you are.

Jeff East:

:

That is a focus of your life.

Eric Pennington:

:

So do you think that you can practice that noble goal in

Eric Pennington:

:

ignorance? And it's just as good of as if someone had a

Eric Pennington:

:

written document about they want to help with a certain

Eric Pennington:

:

social problem or whatever.

Jeff East:

:

You can be effective without knowing exactly what it is.

Jeff East:

:

Right. But what we are what I when I'm working with

Jeff East:

:

somebody that wants to develop a noble goal, I tell them

Jeff East:

:

it's best if it's one sentence.

Jeff East:

:

Mm hmm. And it's something that.

Jeff East:

:

It's something that if somebody asked you, you can tell

Jeff East:

:

them just like, you know, we talk about elevator speeches

Jeff East:

:

in the sales world.

Jeff East:

:

It's your elevator.

Eric Pennington:

:

Yeah.

Jeff East:

:

Definition of what drives you.

Eric Pennington:

:

Because I think for me, the things that I've done by

Eric Pennington:

:

accident, by chance, they have value, but they always seem

Eric Pennington:

:

to come.

Eric Pennington:

:

Without any real.

Eric Pennington:

:

The mark that was left was not one I could trace.

Eric Pennington:

:

And I know that a goal, the noble goal is not to say make

Eric Pennington:

:

me happy or make me feel fulfilled.

Eric Pennington:

:

But I just, you know, it's kind of like, you know, I saw

Eric Pennington:

:

this thing. It was some advice about how to, you know, be

Eric Pennington:

:

proactive in taking care of your kidneys.

Eric Pennington:

:

And it listed like, you know, exercise, diet, be well

Eric Pennington:

:

hydrated, those kind of things.

Eric Pennington:

:

And I thought to myself, well, could someone's kidneys be

Eric Pennington:

:

okay if all you did was just watch your diet, but you don't

Eric Pennington:

:

pay attention to the exercise and the water intake or

Eric Pennington:

:

intake?

Jeff East:

:

Mm hmm.

Eric Pennington:

:

Maybe. But probably it's going to be even better if you were

Eric Pennington:

:

paying attention to the exercise and the water intake, too,

Eric Pennington:

:

because potentially that cascades into other areas.

Eric Pennington:

:

And I think that's the thing about intentionality.

Jeff East:

:

Right, right. My noble goal is to help people find the art

Jeff East:

:

in themselves.

Eric Pennington:

:

Yes.

Jeff East:

:

And that doesn't mean necessarily that they're at their

Jeff East:

:

core. They're a great musician or a great artist or an

Jeff East:

:

author. I believe that everyone has something that is a

Jeff East:

:

work of art in them.

Jeff East:

:

And so that's what I strive for.

Jeff East:

:

It could be when I'm debriefing someone, when we're

Jeff East:

:

talking, I want to help them.

Jeff East:

:

I do prison ministry when I'm working with the residents at

Jeff East:

:

the prison. Yeah, that's part of it.

Jeff East:

:

But part of my noble goal is recognizing that and the

Jeff East:

:

people I meet and I know I've used this before, but there's

Jeff East:

:

a young man at our Kroger's that has Down syndrome.

Jeff East:

:

And I, you know, Kroger's hires a lot of people with with

Jeff East:

:

disabilities, and I applaud them for that.

Eric Pennington:

:

Right.

Speaker2:

:

But. My wife and I will.

Speaker2:

:

He's a bagger and he also the guy that brings the carts in

Speaker2:

:

and stuff like that. We'll wait in a longer line at the

Speaker2:

:

grocery store for him to be our bagger, because the art in

Speaker2:

:

him is he makes everyone around him feel good.

Speaker2:

:

So that's the art that's in that person.

Speaker2:

:

And I try to recognize that when I'm with people.

Speaker2:

:

So your noble goal can have an aspect of social justice,

Speaker2:

:

you know, things like that, and that can be part of it.

Speaker2:

:

There's nothing wrong, but it doesn't have to.

Speaker1:

:

So what do you think about asking people about what their

Speaker1:

:

art is? Have you done that?

Speaker1:

:

How does that what's that experience been like for you?

Speaker2:

:

Well, in like with coaching.

Speaker2:

:

I can do that.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. But what?

Speaker2:

:

I find his most effective.

Speaker2:

:

If I find somebody that I see that in them, I'll share that

Speaker2:

:

with them.

Speaker1:

:

Hmm. You mean by observation?

Speaker1:

:

Hey, I noticed.

Speaker2:

:

Yes, I see how you are.

Speaker2:

:

My wife, her art and her is helping people that need help.

Speaker2:

:

She works with adults with disabilities now, and I

Speaker2:

:

recognize that in her and I make sure I let her know that

Speaker2:

:

because by me doing that, that reinforces what she's doing.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. Yeah, that's that's that's a great point.

Speaker1:

:

So my noble goal is pouring out what God has poured into me

Speaker1:

:

and. Just for the audience.

Speaker1:

:

That wasn't always my noble goal.

Speaker1:

:

And Jeff, maybe we can talk a little bit about can a noble

Speaker1:

:

goal morph, change, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker1:

:

That one came to me in a time of.

Speaker1:

:

How would I say this?

Speaker1:

:

After spending a lot of fool's gold.

Speaker1:

:

And just so that I don't sound ancient for the audience, if

Speaker1:

:

you're not familiar with that term Fool's Gold, it's

Speaker1:

:

typically attributed to the pirates and the time of what

Speaker1:

:

that would have been, maybe the 18th, 19th century.

Speaker1:

:

And there was a substance out there and I cannot pronounce

Speaker1:

:

the substance, but it looked just like iron pyrite.

Speaker1:

:

Pyrite looked just like gold.

Speaker1:

:

And there were many.

Speaker2:

:

Who.

Speaker1:

:

Got a lot of that pirate and discovered after going to sort

Speaker1:

:

of cash in, as we might call it, that it was.

Speaker2:

:

Worthless. They had a box of rocks.

Speaker1:

:

That was it. Right.

Speaker1:

:

So I think about it from that perspective that I spent a

Speaker1:

:

lot of fool's gold looking for validation through my

Speaker1:

:

achievements and my performance.

Speaker1:

:

Ala If I perform and you laugh, if I perform and you

Speaker1:

:

applaud, if I perform in you higher, then what I'm doing is

Speaker1:

:

valid. Over time, I started realizing now it's not valid

Speaker1:

:

because it does nothing for me.

Speaker1:

:

I ran out of gas, right?

Speaker1:

:

So I started thinking about what is the thing that fulfills

Speaker1:

:

me? And what fulfills me is when I'm pouring out what God

Speaker1:

:

has poured into me.

Speaker1:

:

That's the real gold.

Speaker1:

:

Real gold has that enduring.

Speaker1:

:

Almost kind of that. I left my fingerprint there.

Speaker1:

:

Mm hmm. You know, so whether it be now or 20 years from

Speaker1:

:

now, someone will be able to see my fingerprint.

Speaker1:

:

When you use fool's gold.

Speaker1:

:

There's no fingerprint to be seen because it's worthless.

Speaker1:

:

It has no value whatsoever.

Speaker1:

:

So. In light of that, Jeff.

Speaker1:

:

Let's talk about two things.

Speaker1:

:

First, I want to go into that about can it.

Speaker2:

:

Change.

Speaker1:

:

Or have I violated the the Noble Goal symposium or something

Speaker1:

:

that says, you will not you cannot.

Speaker1:

:

You shall not. Can it change?

Speaker2:

:

Yes, because we change.

Speaker2:

:

You know, we're not static.

Speaker2:

:

So, yes, it can it can change.

Speaker2:

:

It can change dramatically if your life has changed

Speaker2:

:

dramatically, and especially if it's someone that's on a

Speaker2:

:

journey of self-discovery.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, they're going to do that.

Speaker2:

:

The other thing I want to say about the noble goal is it

Speaker2:

:

might take somebody a year or two.

Speaker2:

:

To come up with it very seldom when I've asked somebody or

Speaker2:

:

introduced them to this and said.

Speaker2:

:

What do you think your noble goal is?

Speaker2:

:

Maybe one or two people was able to say it.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, because it takes some time.

Speaker1:

:

And I think that's another area where self empathy comes in.

Speaker1:

:

It's not a contest.

Speaker1:

:

I mean, there's nobody going to give you a score on whether

Speaker1:

:

or not you answered that question perfectly right away or

Speaker1:

:

whatever. However, one thing that you you must do is that

Speaker1:

:

you must work on it.

Speaker1:

:

You must you must write some things down, journal a bit

Speaker1:

:

about it, tear up the paper and then start over again.

Speaker1:

:

But be willing to stick with it I think is essential.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, you might start out with two or three paragraphs and

Speaker2:

:

you just you keep paring that down until you get to that

Speaker2:

:

sentence or two.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. And the thing to remember is you're.

Speaker2:

:

Your noble goal is for you.

Speaker2:

:

It's not for anyone else.

Speaker2:

:

So if I wanted to come up with a noble goal, that would

Speaker2:

:

make you happy. Eric, that's not going to be my noble goal.

Speaker2:

:

No. It's what's inside me.

Speaker2:

:

The same way with you.

Speaker2:

:

You can't work on one that I would like.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah, because quite frankly, Jeff, I know when I look back

Speaker1:

:

at my history, there's a number of folks who probably would

Speaker1:

:

say that my pursuits for what I consider fool's gold to be.

Speaker1:

:

Well, why wouldn't you do that?

Speaker1:

:

Why? What was wrong with that?

Speaker1:

:

Because that sounds really good.

Speaker1:

:

And I think everybody comes to that place of of sort of

Speaker1:

:

that reckoning about, well, at some point, I'm either going

Speaker1:

:

to be living for the applause and for the audience or I'm

Speaker1:

:

going to I'm going to make this about me.

Speaker1:

:

Now, I also get it, by extension, because included in my

Speaker1:

:

noble goal is God.

Speaker1:

:

Mm hmm. So for me, it is.

Speaker1:

:

I'm playing for an audience of one.

Speaker1:

:

I'm taking what he's given me, and then I'm pouring it out

Speaker1:

:

into the world, wherever that may be.

Speaker1:

:

So now that we've established that, it can change because

Speaker1:

:

we change, that's encouraging, because I don't think

Speaker1:

:

anybody wants to be boxed in like it's some written

Speaker1:

:

constitution. But so what do you think are some of the

Speaker1:

:

things that can keep us?

Speaker1:

:

Because, Jeff, I could quote my noble goal all day long,

Speaker1:

:

but if I'm not living it out.

Speaker1:

:

So what are some of the threats to living it?

Speaker2:

:

Well, I think it's, you know, kind of like what you talked

Speaker2:

:

about before is letting those things.

Speaker2:

:

That are.

Speaker2:

:

Causing you to want to pull the blanket back over your

Speaker2:

:

head.

Speaker1:

:

Is so you mean these trying times?

Speaker2:

:

These trying times is to let them.

Speaker2:

:

Rule your life. Not saying that those things aren't

Speaker2:

:

important and you have to do something about them.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. Know, but don't let them be the focus.

Speaker2:

:

You know, we've.

Speaker1:

:

And Jeff, I mean, you hit on something really big there

Speaker1:

:

because in addition to them being big things unto

Speaker1:

:

themselves, I think they get magnified in the culture that

Speaker1:

:

we live in now because of social media and and the like.

Speaker1:

:

Right. Where something that's bad with social media at it,

Speaker1:

:

it becomes an earth crisis.

Speaker1:

:

And please, audience, hear me out.

Speaker1:

:

I'm not trying to minimize anything that's going on in our

Speaker1:

:

world in the last three years, however, compared to what

Speaker1:

:

you said. Meaning Can my noble goal transcend the

Speaker1:

:

circumstances? Of living and living in the world we live

Speaker1:

:

in. Is that kind of where you were going?

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, because let's look at it this way.

Speaker2:

:

What I said, my noble goal is, is to find the art.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. In people.

Speaker2:

:

Do I exclude myself from that?

Speaker2:

:

B do I focus on what I think I have inside of me?

Speaker2:

:

That is something that can help people just like you.

Speaker2:

:

Can I use that for my own?

Speaker2:

:

Energy. When you talk about pouring out what God has given

Speaker2:

:

you. Do you keep some of that for yourself?

Speaker1:

:

Right. That's that's and that kind of flows back into the

Speaker1:

:

self empathy thing. Right.

Speaker1:

:

There is a giving part that the goal gives to you as well.

Speaker1:

:

And I thought about another thing too within that, Jeff.

Speaker1:

:

So if you're overwhelmed and keep in mind, very few of us

Speaker1:

:

are going to be called on to solve some of these big world

Speaker1:

:

problems.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm.

Speaker1:

:

Very few of.

Speaker2:

:

Us.

Speaker1:

:

So if you're consumed with all these things, do you feel

Speaker1:

:

like it threatens your ability to find the art in that

Speaker1:

:

young man at Kroger?

Speaker2:

:

Yeah.

Speaker1:

:

And why is that?

Speaker2:

:

Well, I may be looking at him going.

Speaker2:

:

Why in the hell doesn't he have a mask on?

Speaker1:

:

Okay.

Speaker2:

:

And that's going to totally short circuit everything.

Speaker1:

:

And when you say that, Jeff, and you can please correct me

Speaker1:

:

if I'm wrong here.

Speaker1:

:

That sounds to me like.

Speaker1:

:

When you're letting the circumstances begin to drive your

Speaker1:

:

behavior and your intentionality, meaning it's not

Speaker1:

:

important to find the art in him right now.

Speaker1:

:

What's important to know is to why isn't he wearing a mask?

Speaker1:

:

Because we're in the middle of a pandemic or, you know, I'm

Speaker1:

:

and here's another thing I'm going with.

Speaker1:

:

I've been watching CNN nonstop about Ukraine and Russia,

Speaker1:

:

and I'm thinking about why did this happen?

Speaker1:

:

What could we do? So I'm in Kroger.

Speaker1:

:

I should be present because he's right there in front of me

Speaker1:

:

bagging. But I can't stop thinking about Russia and the war

Speaker1:

:

and what ifs and and I get my bags.

Speaker1:

:

Thank you very much. And I go to my car and I don't even

Speaker1:

:

remember seeing or talking to the guy.

Speaker2:

:

Exactly when I was putting the notes together for this.

Speaker2:

:

This almost ended up being an episode called Duck and Cover

Speaker2:

:

because I'm of the age where we were taught when we saw the

Speaker2:

:

bright flash from in this case, the Russians dropping an

Speaker2:

:

atomic bomb on us, we ducked and covered.

Speaker2:

:

That would save our lives.

Speaker2:

:

They said, okay.

Speaker1:

:

I don't want to underline. They said, Yeah.

Speaker2:

:

But that's yeah, that's exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker2:

:

If I'm in the Kroger's and I'm waiting for the Flash, I'm

Speaker2:

:

not going to see anybody as a person.

Speaker1:

:

So there's the song from many years ago called Lessons in

Speaker1:

:

Love by Level 42.

Speaker1:

:

And I believe who wrote the song was Phil Gould.

Speaker1:

:

I may have that wrong, but there's a line in there goes If

Speaker1:

:

we lose the time before us, the future will ignore us.

Speaker1:

:

And that song, that line has haunted me for years and I

Speaker1:

:

mean, haunted me in a good way.

Speaker1:

:

It's been that reminder.

Speaker1:

:

Don't go getting yourself wrapped up in things you don't

Speaker1:

:

have any control over, haven't been given any

Speaker1:

:

responsibility for.

Speaker1:

:

Because as you go out there messing in this fictitious

Speaker1:

:

world of solving it or or addressing it or you're going to

Speaker1:

:

miss what's right smack dab in front of you.

Speaker2:

:

Well, you just brought up a song of mine.

Speaker1:

:

All right?

Speaker2:

:

It's it's been one of my favorites Forever on the Turning

Speaker2:

:

Away from Pink Floyd.

Speaker2:

:

The song starts out with On The Turning Away From the Pale

Speaker2:

:

and downtrodden.

Speaker2:

:

And I think if you're living your normal or your noble

Speaker2:

:

goal, you're not going to turn away from those people.

Speaker2:

:

And you might think of just the social issue.

Speaker2:

:

Pale and downtrodden people.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. But your office mate is pale.

Speaker2:

:

Means they're not being seen to me.

Speaker2:

:

And downtrodden is just what it seems like.

Speaker2:

:

They feel like they've been trampled.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. And that's where I was going with it.

Speaker1:

:

Jeff is the.

Speaker1:

:

I think what I found for me, though not perfect, my noble

Speaker1:

:

goal has kept my senses alive at a level that I really have

Speaker1:

:

narrowed it down. When problems arise.

Speaker1:

:

Do I have control and have I been given responsibility?

Speaker1:

:

If I don't have control and I haven't been given

Speaker1:

:

responsibility, hands off.

Speaker1:

:

And that's really hard because sometimes it's the things

Speaker1:

:

that you want to hold on to relationships, things of that

Speaker1:

:

nature where it's like, No, no, no, this is my son, my

Speaker1:

:

daughter, my blah, blah, blah.

Speaker1:

:

And you feel like, well, no, I've got to be the one,

Speaker1:

:

because if they don't listen or if they don't do this and

Speaker1:

:

that. Well, wait a minute.

Speaker1:

:

Your daughter's 22, and she's graduated from college now,

Speaker1:

:

and she's moving.

Speaker1:

:

Um. What control do you have over that?

Speaker1:

:

Jeff I have zero control.

Speaker1:

:

I can't tell my daughter where to live and where not to

Speaker1:

:

live. How much responsibility have you been given around

Speaker1:

:

that? None because she doesn't need me to do anything.

Speaker1:

:

It's not I mean, she if she doesn't file her taxes, the IRS

Speaker1:

:

is not going to call me.

Speaker2:

:

There's that magical turning 18.

Speaker1:

:

Well, and I think even if even and I'm sure there are those

Speaker1:

:

out there who say, well, you know, they're not fully mature

Speaker1:

:

until they're X and Y and some of, say, 18 is not as good

Speaker1:

:

as it should be 21.

Speaker1:

:

We could debate that all day long, but the reality is

Speaker1:

:

whether it's a relationship.

Speaker1:

:

A world problem trying times as we've been talking.

Speaker1:

:

I believe our noble goal keeps us sober to because it's

Speaker1:

:

purpose. It's like, this is what I'm here to do.

Speaker1:

:

This is what I'm here.

Speaker1:

:

This is what I've been placed here to do.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. I'd like to go ahead.

Speaker2:

:

When we talked about what can keep you from doing it, one

Speaker2:

:

of the things you've got to remember is.

Speaker2:

:

When you're. Putting your noble goal into action.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. Don't expect people to jump up and down and pat you

Speaker2:

:

on the back. That's not what it's for.

Speaker1:

:

So and quite frankly, there will be some who will who will

Speaker1:

:

reject the noble goal.

Speaker1:

:

Right. That will.

Speaker1:

:

Well, maybe give you pushback about it.

Speaker1:

:

Right.

Speaker2:

:

And actually, when we really dig into the noble goal, I know

Speaker2:

:

we've done this some when we've done presentations is if

Speaker2:

:

your noble goal has anything to do with accolades, it's

Speaker2:

:

probably not a noble goal.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker1:

:

So easy for us to say, you know, it takes time.

Speaker1:

:

Write it down. It should be a sentence or two.

Speaker1:

:

You start with paragraphs and.

Speaker1:

:

And I can sit here and say, well, you know, by focusing on

Speaker1:

:

my noble goal, you know, I'm like, and that's all fine and

Speaker1:

:

well. Jeff But we we all know that in this age, it can be

Speaker1:

:

easy to lose your focus.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm.

Speaker1:

:

So what are some things we can do to keep that focus alive

Speaker1:

:

and healthy and vibrant and all of that?

Speaker2:

:

You know, I've heard some people say, you know, write your

Speaker2:

:

noble goal and put it on a piece of paper on your mirror.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. If that works for you, that works for you.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. Repeat.

Speaker2:

:

Just repeat it to yourself in the morning.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. Simple.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah.

Speaker2:

:

Look for opportunities to put it into action.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. And, you know.

Speaker2:

:

And once again, you've got to be wise with it.

Speaker2:

:

You don't want to do something that's going to get you in

Speaker2:

:

physical danger or, you know, things like that.

Speaker2:

:

But. With your daughter or like I was talking about the

Speaker2:

:

person next to you. What can you do to improve?

Speaker2:

:

Like with your daughter? How could you help her with your

Speaker2:

:

noble goal? How can I help that?

Speaker2:

:

My office mate with my noble goal.

Speaker2:

:

Look for those opportunities.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. And in the case of my daughter, what I've been

Speaker1:

:

learning and we've actually been talking about it, I need

Speaker1:

:

to say less, say less, say less, which actually, and quite

Speaker1:

:

frankly is really, really good advice.

Speaker1:

:

Because part of that dynamic of of.

Speaker1:

:

You know, you you want to you want to find yourself,

Speaker1:

:

whether it's a relationship with a child, with your

Speaker1:

:

children, your kids, whatever, or with a coworker or

Speaker1:

:

whatever. You know, you've got to be able to to understand

Speaker1:

:

the context of that relationship at that time.

Speaker1:

:

And and it should match up.

Speaker1:

:

I mean, don't get me wrong, nobody's perfect, right?

Speaker1:

:

But your noble goal should match up to your behavior.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm. And that you just made me think of Jobe.

Speaker2:

:

Do you remember if you've.

Speaker2:

:

If you've ever read the Book of Job?

Speaker2:

:

Oh, right. When things started happening to him.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, his friends came and they sat with him for a week and

Speaker2:

:

everything. Then they started talking.

Speaker1:

:

And that was. That's when.

Speaker1:

:

That's when it got really ugly.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker1:

:

That first that first window of time with him was, quite

Speaker1:

:

frankly, a model for how you can be very empathetic for

Speaker1:

:

someone's situation.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm.

Speaker1:

:

I will sit with you, and I will be silent.

Speaker1:

:

I will not offer.

Speaker1:

:

But they did what typically happens right over whatever

Speaker1:

:

period of time.

Speaker2:

:

I'm going to fix him.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. We're going to give all kinds of advice.

Speaker2:

:

So usually can Bible.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, that's a new one.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. When we look at this focus idea again, I always think

Speaker1:

:

about our brains and how our brains work, right?

Speaker1:

:

So as as you know, Jeff, our brains are always working to

Speaker1:

:

make things easy for us and efficient.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm.

Speaker1:

:

Because the brain is doing so much in our bodies, and the

Speaker1:

:

it's like the ultimate what?

Speaker1:

:

Operating system, right.

Speaker1:

:

And one of the things that I've been fascinated about over

Speaker1:

:

many years at this point is, is what happens with the brain

Speaker1:

:

as it encounters change.

Speaker1:

:

So my encouragement advice for our listeners is that if

Speaker1:

:

you've today's the day that you've decided or have, you're

Speaker1:

:

now really thinking about, well, what is my noble goal?

Speaker1:

:

And I think that's something that's important.

Speaker1:

:

I want to do it, be encouraged, apply some self empathy.

Speaker1:

:

Your brain is going to resist that.

Speaker1:

:

And it's not because your brain doesn't like noble goals.

Speaker1:

:

It's because your brain is trying to make everything easy

Speaker1:

:

and efficient for you.

Speaker1:

:

So you going out and starting a new thing.

Speaker1:

:

So this one's not, like, super, super huge.

Speaker1:

:

You're going to encounter something called limbic friction.

Speaker1:

:

And that limbic friction is your brain saying, no, no, no,

Speaker1:

:

no, we we don't do noble goals.

Speaker1:

:

We've been doing fine just how we're doing this.

Speaker1:

:

And by the way, you're a very negative person and we've

Speaker1:

:

been a negative person for a lot of years, and that's

Speaker1:

:

worked well for you and safe.

Speaker1:

:

And it's we know how to be negative.

Speaker1:

:

We're really good at being negative.

Speaker1:

:

So as you make that change and as we laugh, Jeff, I know

Speaker1:

:

you know this, too. It could be negativity.

Speaker1:

:

It could be. I've just never done it before.

Speaker1:

:

It could be. I tried it once, ten years ago.

Speaker1:

:

Whatever the case may be, when you're introducing that

Speaker1:

:

change, you're going to face that limbic friction, the

Speaker1:

:

resistance. But the beautiful part about it is.

Speaker1:

:

If you hang in there, if you stick with it.

Speaker1:

:

That's kind of why I said earlier about just jot some stuff

Speaker1:

:

down, just journal it and just come back to it and keep.

Speaker1:

:

But don't give up.

Speaker1:

:

Because eventually your brain will start to exercise its

Speaker1:

:

placidity and begin to say, not audibly.

Speaker1:

:

This is good.

Speaker1:

:

We have a noble goal.

Speaker1:

:

Noble goals are good. This is great.

Speaker1:

:

It'll begin to be your support like it is in every other

Speaker1:

:

thing that you do.

Speaker2:

:

When you fulfill your noble goal, your brain is going to

Speaker2:

:

reward you with those chemicals and and all that stuff.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. And I'm saying that, Jeff, because.

Speaker1:

:

And you know, in our work, we have some people who have

Speaker1:

:

very, very high levels of sort of aspiration to do things

Speaker1:

:

because it's like an awakening.

Speaker1:

:

You're like, oh, my gosh, yes, I want that and I want that.

Speaker1:

:

What we're trying to say is, is that.

Speaker2:

:

You.

Speaker1:

:

Should want it. It's awesome.

Speaker1:

:

But be prepared because when the lights go down.

Speaker1:

:

And when the crowds go away or when the show is over.

Speaker1:

:

You're going to have that time, you're going to have

Speaker1:

:

tomorrow morning and you're going to have that missed

Speaker1:

:

flight and you're going to have that, oh, I forgot to pick

Speaker1:

:

up X and life will then continue its battering and all the

Speaker1:

:

rest. So be encouraged.

Speaker1:

:

That's just to let you know that that resistance is not

Speaker1:

:

designed to stop you.

Speaker2:

:

The other thing to think about is.

Speaker2:

:

Let's say you're.

Speaker2:

:

All of a sudden, you get the desire to be a world class

Speaker2:

:

archer. So the first thing you do is you apply for the

Speaker2:

:

Olympics and you've never picked up a bow and arrow before.

Speaker1:

:

Right.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. Start small.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. Start small.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. Yeah. There's one thing I was thinking about, and we

Speaker1:

:

didn't really touch on it.

Speaker1:

:

And a great deal yet.

Speaker1:

:

And that is the impact of our focusing on the noble goal

Speaker1:

:

for others.

Speaker1:

:

I have always thought.

Speaker1:

:

You know when.

Speaker1:

:

And I heard this not long ago.

Speaker1:

:

It was then it was in a group setting.

Speaker1:

:

And the person said, well, you know, my dad said, you know,

Speaker1:

:

you better get smart because you're not real pretty.

Speaker1:

:

And I remember thinking and.

Speaker1:

:

For you, Jeff, and for the audience.

Speaker1:

:

She's a pretty lady.

Speaker1:

:

She's not ugly.

Speaker1:

:

It's not like she's. Whatever you'd say would fit the

Speaker1:

:

definition of ugly.

Speaker1:

:

But that was given to her.

Speaker1:

:

Right. So when we think about all the things that we've

Speaker1:

:

been labeled and told that we are.

Speaker1:

:

All of the negatives, all of the voices that said, you

Speaker1:

:

can't. You're not, you won't.

Speaker1:

:

I think about how much that robs the world of the beauty,

Speaker1:

:

the art.

Speaker1:

:

That would have impact.

Speaker1:

:

And I even look at art to Jeff from the perspective of that

Speaker1:

:

surgeon. You know.

Speaker1:

:

What if that surgeon's dad said, I don't know why you're

Speaker1:

:

thinking you can get through medical school.

Speaker1:

:

You're not that smart.

Speaker1:

:

Thankfully, maybe those surgeons continued on the path.

Speaker1:

:

So. Can you talk a little bit about why is it important for

Speaker1:

:

others? Why is what is the connection between our noble

Speaker1:

:

goal and other people?

Speaker2:

:

In one way or another, depending on what your noble goal is,

Speaker2:

:

you are going to have an impact on other people because if

Speaker2:

:

nothing more, you're going to show them that you value

Speaker2:

:

them. That you're not.

Speaker1:

:

Okay, let's stop there.

Speaker2:

:

Okay.

Speaker1:

:

So anybody out there in the audience not want to feel

Speaker1:

:

valued?

Speaker2:

:

I don't think there is.

Speaker1:

:

I don't think I'd sign up.

Speaker1:

:

I want to feel valued.

Speaker2:

:

And if you're really following your noble goal, the people

Speaker2:

:

are going to tell that it is.

Speaker2:

:

The that I messed up this time.

Speaker2:

:

The people.

Speaker2:

:

If you're truly following your noble goal, the people are

Speaker2:

:

going to recognize that what you're saying is valid.

Speaker2:

:

What you're saying is coming from your heart or what you're

Speaker2:

:

doing is coming from who you are and you're doing it not

Speaker2:

:

for yourself.

Speaker2:

:

You're doing it for them.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker1:

:

And there's that extension because yes, initially the noble

Speaker1:

:

goal is about you.

Speaker1:

:

It is a very selfish thing, a healthy selfish thing.

Speaker1:

:

But once that noble goal has been established, it gets

Speaker1:

:

turned and it's like light.

Speaker1:

:

You know, and I think.

Speaker1:

:

And I'm going to use my my perspective on it.

Speaker1:

:

It's a very dark world.

Speaker1:

:

The more people who are working on living out focused on a

Speaker1:

:

noble goal, those are like light.

Speaker1:

:

And light is always more powerful than darkness.

Speaker1:

:

Always.

Speaker2:

:

Because darkness is an absence.

Speaker2:

:

Ooh.

Speaker1:

:

That's a keeper, Jeff.

Speaker1:

:

Say that again.

Speaker2:

:

Darkness is an absence.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. That's great.

Speaker1:

:

So for the listeners and this will be in the show notes,

Speaker1:

:

we'd like to refer you back to some of our earlier content.

Speaker1:

:

We did have an episode that was dedicated specifically to

Speaker1:

:

Noble Goal and defining it within it as a competency.

Speaker1:

:

So we'd want to point you that way.

Speaker1:

:

The other thing I would throw out, Jeff, in terms of the

Speaker1:

:

noble goal.

Speaker1:

:

You know, there are going to inevitably be those who did

Speaker1:

:

hear those messages that says you're not strong enough,

Speaker1:

:

you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough.

Speaker1:

:

And all the rest. Would you feel safe?

Speaker1:

:

With me.

Speaker1:

:

And saying to the world.

Speaker1:

:

Forget them.

Speaker2:

:

Yes.

Speaker1:

:

And I know some might say.

Speaker1:

:

But it was my dad.

Speaker1:

:

We're not advocating that you hate anyone.

Speaker1:

:

I'm just saying.

Speaker1:

:

We're just saying. Forget those words they said.

Speaker2:

:

Because you don't know what words they heard.

Speaker1:

:

Oh, yeah.

Speaker2:

:

So yeah. I like that, Eric.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah. Forget those things.

Speaker1:

:

Yeah. And here's the thing.

Speaker1:

:

Once again, I always think about, well, easy for Eric and

Speaker1:

:

Jeff to say on their wonderful podcast.

Speaker1:

:

If you're having trouble forgetting it.

Speaker1:

:

There is help. It might mean you should consult a mental

Speaker1:

:

health professional, a counselor, and let them know this is

Speaker1:

:

what I'm working on. I really want to work on forgetting

Speaker1:

:

this stuff. Putting it away.

Speaker1:

:

Letting it go.

Speaker1:

:

They can help. Maybe you're not at that level.

Speaker1:

:

Maybe it's. You need to talk to a mentor or coach, or maybe

Speaker1:

:

it's a friend or whatever it may be.

Speaker1:

:

But the reality is, is that when that happens, you leave

Speaker1:

:

room for light.

Speaker2:

:

I had a discussion with somebody that had had things like

Speaker2:

:

that happen to them and.

Speaker2:

:

They were really feeling bad about themselves.

Speaker2:

:

And then I gave them a little bit of an inventory of how I

Speaker2:

:

see their succeeding.

Speaker2:

:

See these things.

Speaker2:

:

You're not what they said.

Speaker2:

:

Because self empathy also means you're looking at yourself.

Speaker2:

:

Hmm. These are the things I see you accomplishing.

Speaker2:

:

These are the things I know you've done.

Speaker2:

:

When I'm with you, you make me feel good or accept it.

Speaker1:

:

Fill in the blank.

Speaker2:

:

Yeah, whatever.

Speaker2:

:

That may, you know, let people know.

Speaker1:

:

That's a powerful exercise, Jeff, because that is sort of

Speaker1:

:

the irrefutable evidence of it.

Speaker1:

:

And I think that goes.

Speaker1:

:

That goes to the episode we're going to do on personality.

Speaker1:

:

It just it's that's a very powerful exercise because I do

Speaker1:

:

believe sometimes it does need to come down to the bare

Speaker1:

:

bones. Okay. Let's let's compare.

Speaker1:

:

Your dad said to you 30 years ago, you're not.

Speaker1:

:

You're this whatever.

Speaker2:

:

Mm hmm.

Speaker1:

:

You being that close inner circle person says, Well, let me

Speaker1:

:

give you my data.

Speaker1:

:

My data says, five years ago, three days ago, when I'm

Speaker1:

:

around you, you're doing this work, you're doing that.

Speaker1:

:

And then all of a sudden, that one sentence or two from a

Speaker1:

:

parent. Gets eclipsed by this laundry list of things that

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show that that's not true.

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You're giving them data?

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Yeah. And I think that's powerful.

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Mm hmm. Right. And don't get me wrong, Jeff, because I've

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been on the receiving end of it from a parent.

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I get it.

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And I would tell you, I think once you take that data and

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you start to realize, well, yeah.

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I guess.

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You probably even will.

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Potentially have some empathy for your dad because you might

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potentially go, you know what?

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He just didn't know.

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He just. He he was operating on his.

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What his dad said to him.

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Fill in the blank.

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Exactly.

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Wow. We're getting to the close here, guys.

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And we do appreciate you tuning in.

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Please, as always, leave us a great review on whatever

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podcast platform that you use or leave us some comments

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about the show.

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And if you feel so compelled, you can reach out to us

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directly through our email, which is all within the show

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