Monster Storms, Media Circus, and God’s Missed Meds – A Weather Rant You Didn’t Know You Needed

Hey folks, it’s Earnest Mann. In this episode, I’m unpacking what the media insists on calling a “monster winter storm of biblical proportions” — and let’s just say, my sympathy levels are somewhere between a rock and a sociopath. Not because I want people to suffer (don’t cancel me yet), but because the real disaster isn’t the storm — it’s the nonstop media masturbation around it.

Breaking News: The Weather Exists, and So Does My Indifference

I kick things off by clarifying that I simply don’t care. The storm can howl, snow can bury cities, and I’m still not tuning into CNN’s Stormageddon Countdown. Why? Because this never-ending 24/7 weather porn is doing more damage to your sanity than the storm is to your porch.

Cable News, Nihilism, and the Slasher Film Fetish

Let’s talk about the sensationalist psychosis the news has become. It’s a grotesque mashup of pre-game babble, live-action trauma, and postgame power outage laments — all followed by ads for incontinence pads and rectal itch cream. Why suffer nature’s wrath when you can suffer through that?

Weather Gods, Climate Chaos, and Why We're All Screwed Anyway

I even toss a prayer out to Jesus to check on the Big Guy upstairs, because clearly He’s let the thermostat break. From climate instability to overpopulation, I lay out why this is less a freak storm and more a preview of humanity’s hot garbage future. Want it fixed? Ask people to have fewer kids. Or corporations to pay taxes. I’ll wait.

Final Thoughts Before the Inevitable Ends: Death, Taxes, and Weather

As always, I hope minimal harm came from this mess. But let’s be honest — weather is just the third wheel in life's inevitability throuple, right behind death and taxes. And unlike your ex, it won’t ghost you. Until next time, stay warm, stay skeptical, and for the love of your mental health, turn off the damn TV.

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© 2020 - 26 The Earnest Mann Show

[0:00] Right now, as I'm making this episode,

[0:03] on Saturday, the 24th of January, there

[0:06] is what is being reported as a monster

[0:10] winter storm. A storm of biblical

[0:13] [ __ ] proportions bearing down on a

[0:16] large portion of the continental United

[0:19] States. And I wanted to tell you

[0:21] something that I thought you might like

[0:24] to know and perhaps most importantly why

[0:27] I believe the way I do. I just ask that

[0:30] you listen till the end before you go

[0:34] and grab a rope and hang me.

[0:48] So, I promised you two things. First,

[0:51] something I thought you'd like to know.

[0:54] Namely, how I feel about this monster

[0:57] storm. And second, why I feel that way.

[1:01] So, without further ado, I'll answer

[1:04] first things first. Because that's

[1:07] straightforward and very simple. As far

[1:10] as this monster storm is concerned, I

[1:14] don't care about it in any way, shape,

[1:16] or form. I don't care about how many

[1:19] people are impacted or how many people

[1:22] are not impacted, how many [ __ ] live

[1:26] or how many [ __ ] die. I simply don't

[1:30] care.

[1:32] Now, I think that gets us off to a

[1:35] pretty good start. So, let's try to keep

[1:38] that momentum going by me explaining why

[1:41] I feel this way. So unless you've been

[1:44] living in a cave, and for some folks

[1:46] that actually might have been even

[1:49] better than having to deal with this

[1:51] real and actual demonstration of God's

[1:55] fickle love and peculiar sense of humor,

[1:58] you have certainly heard of or are

[2:01] having to deal with this admittedly

[2:04] terrible weather event. But never fear,

[2:08] we have up to the minute, if not up to

[2:11] the [ __ ] second, news speculations

[2:15] and spectacles about what amounts to

[2:18] when you look at the bigger picture,

[2:21] absolutely [ __ ] nothing. Now, if

[2:24] you're nashing at the bit to get your

[2:26] rope and come hang me, just remember

[2:30] even the most low down total snake in

[2:33] the grass piece of [ __ ] born of a woman.

[2:37] No, I'm I'm not talking a vague

[2:40] reference of Jeff Brzzos here gets their

[2:43] day in court to speak their peace. So,

[2:46] sit the hell down and shut up for a

[2:48] minute and let this man speak his peace.

[2:52] Of course, I'm not saying in any way,

[2:55] shape, or form I want people to suffer

[2:58] or die because of this damn monster

[3:00] storm. And I'm also not anti-technology.

[3:05] Because even though I believe that our

[3:08] society on a human level has become far

[3:11] too techno techno, only a fool would

[3:16] argue against technology, especially in

[3:19] emergency communications,

[3:21] because it has and will continue to save

[3:25] countless lives.

[3:28] The main issue I have with all of this

[3:31] is the roundthe-c clock, momentby-moment

[3:35] video coverage of this major weather

[3:38] event of the century.

[3:41] Jesus Christ.

[3:43] Deep sigh face palm. And speaking of

[3:47] Jesus, Jesus, if you're listening out

[3:50] there, could you please do a welfare

[3:54] check on your old man?

[3:56] The weather has seriously gone well

[3:58] crazy down here. And I think he went off

[4:02] his anti-sanility meds again.

[4:07] Briefly before I continue, if you're

[4:09] enjoying this episode and you haven't

[4:11] already done so, please consider

[4:14] subscribing and hit that notification

[4:16] bell. By subscribing, you really do help

[4:20] the Artist Man Show continue to grow.

[4:23] And if you leave a comment or question,

[4:24] I actually read and respond to them all.

[4:28] And I really do appreciate you reaching

[4:30] out. Now, back to the episode.

[4:35] Okay, so where was I? Oh yes, technology

[4:38] saving lives. You see, I figured out

[4:41] long ago that television news is not in

[4:44] fact news. It's become purely propaganda

[4:48] and sensationalism.

[4:51] the kissing cousins of nihilism and

[4:53] psychopathy,

[4:55] meaning batshit crazy. And the longer

[4:58] you hang out with them, the more

[5:00] depressed, nihilistic, and psychopathic,

[5:04] aka batshit crazy, you become.

[5:08] So what this means is that for the sake

[5:11] of your mental and even physical health,

[5:14] the best and actually most effective

[5:16] action you can take in an event like

[5:19] this is not to sit there watching these

[5:22] terrible events unfold minuteby minute

[5:26] as though it's a [ __ ] movie. like a

[5:29] teenage boy watching a bad slasher

[5:32] horror movie with lots of scantlyclad

[5:35] hot teenage girls and jacking off. It's

[5:39] very vanuristic.

[5:42] The news media says appropriately sad

[5:46] things about the devastating human

[5:48] event, yet we'll quickly go into Super

[5:53] Bowl coverage mode.

[5:56] There is the pregame show where they

[5:59] endlessly babble about what the storm

[6:02] could, should, or might be or do or

[6:07] become.

[6:09] Then there is the actual event where

[6:12] they bring out several young and dumb

[6:14] schmucks directly into the storm because

[6:18] it's exciting.

[6:20] and the young reporters going out into

[6:24] that [ __ ] storm and doing so eagerly

[6:27] because who knows it could be their big

[6:30] break reporting on the storm of the

[6:34] century.

[6:35] Then of course there's the postgame

[6:38] show.

[6:40] Q in very empathetic reporter with lots

[6:43] of video and even more endless

[6:46] blithering about extensive power

[6:48] failures, property damage, and of course

[6:51] many auto accidents and death. Cut to

[6:55] Carl's Jr.

[6:57] incontinence pads, rectal itching

[7:00] ointment, and any other utterly [ __ ]

[7:03] obnoxious commercial.

[7:05] In all seriousness, despite what I

[7:08] previously said, this is a serious event

[7:12] that doesn't happen every year or even

[7:15] every few years. Although I do believe

[7:18] America as well as the rest of the world

[7:21] is experiencing the effects of climate

[7:25] instability,

[7:27] which I additionally believe is only

[7:29] going to get worse due to

[7:32] overpopulation.

[7:34] And just

[7:37] and just for those of you who don't

[7:39] know, I've been saying for many years

[7:42] the need to dramatically decrease the

[7:44] population.

[7:46] But that would require people willing to

[7:49] curtail their [ __ ] and that stands

[7:52] about as much chance of happening as

[7:55] corporations suddenly developing a

[7:57] conscience and voluntarily agreeing to

[8:00] pay actual fair and proportionate taxes.

[8:06] H maybe I should ask Jesus about that

[8:09] too. In the end, all I can say is by the

[8:14] time you get this episode, it will be

[8:17] Monday. And I absolutely hope the worst

[8:20] of this damn monster storm is over and

[8:24] that actual little harm came to people

[8:27] and their property as much as possible.

[8:31] They say there are two things that are

[8:34] inevitable in life, death and taxes. But

[8:38] I'd like to add a third. weather because

[8:42] just like the first two, it's inevitable

[8:45] and in the end there's nothing you can

[8:48] do about it either.

[8:51] Until next time, this is Ernest and

[8:53] that's all I've got for today.