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How to make fostering fit your marriage (not the other way around)
Episode 25th June 2022 • Fostering Marriage • Joel & MaryBeth Fortner
00:00:00 00:34:01

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It’s easy in fostering to lose focus on making your marriage the higher priority. Learn how to change that mindset and keep your marriage priority #1.


Today we’re talking about making foster parenting fit your marriage, not the other way around. 

What holds couples back from keeping their marriage the higher priority:

  • We place more importance on fostering than the marriage
  • Seeking worth from fostering and your kids 
  • If your beliefs (possibly driven by lies, assumptions, “kids are more important”, etc) then your decision/behaviors will follow those beliefs
  • Fostering being possibly the only important thing you have in common
  • Therefore, it’s what you talk about and focus on constantly

2 keys to keeping your marriage the higher priority:

Key #1 - Mindset 

  • Both people actually believe that the marriage is more important
  • Beliefs:
  • It’s critical to lead and shepherd your family
  • It’s our job to make our kids healthy, strong, and good decision makers
  • Our family will do better when we’re unified
  • Every team needs 1 leader and the more unified you are, it’s as if there’s only 1 leader (but we bring different gifts and talents to the family)
  • Communication is better
  • Gives the kids more consistency and therefore, security and stability

Key #2 - Healthy accountability

  • Healthy accountability is lovingly helping someone succeed
  • In this case, it’s to succeed in marriage and as parents
  • Discuss what holds people back from having healthy accountability
  • Taking things personally
  • Pride
  • Defensiveness
  • Fear
  • Making assumptions
  • Not asking questions
  • Losing worth in the discussion
  • Feeling out of control
  • Approaching your spouse in a loving way to discuss the problem
  • Humility and practicing receiving what your spouse is saying


Two BIG keys to make foster parenting fit your marriage, not the other way around.

  1. Mindset
  2. Healthy accountability