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#193 - There's Always Something More with Amy Taylor-Kabbaz
Episode 19311th May 2022 • Happy Mama Movement with Amy Taylor-Kabbaz • Amy Taylor-Kabbaz
00:00:00 00:14:26

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Have you ever noticed the inner mantra that plays in circles after a tough day in motherhood? The feeling of there is always something more. The feeling that you can’t stay on top of things. The feeling that it is always up to you. We are not meant to be doing this all alone. It is not mean to be that we look around and see one thing after another.

Listen to this solo episode as Amy expands on her thoughts and journey, including:

  • The never-ending list and what that creates for us within motherhood.
  • Isolation and loneliness and how that is closely linked to our sense of community.
  • The patriarchal masculine and challenging feminine approach to ticking the boxes and ‘completion’ we have created within society.
  • Reframe and remap as we recreate different approaches to the overwhelm.

Within these conversations we change the way mothers are valued and seen in our society and spread the whispers of Matrescence together.

Find out more and receive your Matrescence map here https://www.amytaylorkabbaz.com/matrescence/

 

Transcripts

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Welcome to the Happy Mama Movement Podcast.

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I'm Amy Taylor-Kabbaz.

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I would like to start by acknowledging the Gadigal people of the Aura nation

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on which this podcast is recorded as the traditional custodians of this land.

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And pay my respects to the elders past, present and emerging.

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And as this podcast is dedicated to the wisdom and knowledge of motherhood, I

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would like to acknowledge the mothers of this land, the elders, their wisdom, their

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knowing and my own elders and teachers.

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Welcome back Mamas.

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So often, we have that little voice in our head that says ah,

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there's always something more.

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Have you ever noticed that?

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It's kind of the inner mantra of a tough day in motherhood, isn't it?

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Ah, are you kidding me?

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There's something else.

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There's another thing I need to deal with.

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You just about out of the front door and someone vomits, someone gets cut.

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Someone needs a band-aid, something happens.

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Ah, there's always something more.

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You get to the end of the day, the kids are finally asleep, you get back

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into the kitchen, into the lounge room, there's something more to do.

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It stops us from resting.

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Stops us from exhaling.

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It stops us from feeling like we're on top of things.

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It's an inner mantra that I have struggled with since the very first moment I

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became the Mama, 14 years and counting.

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This sense of it's never done, there's always more.

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The other way that this has shown up in my life as well, is

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this feeling of, it's up to me.

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It's always up to me.

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It's a heaviness in my shoulders, in my chest.

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It's this feeling of isolation and loneliness.

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And I know now that that isolation and loneliness comes

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from our lack of community.

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It's not meant to be that we're doing this all alone.

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It's not meant to be that we look around and see one thing after another that is

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yet again, something else we need to do.

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That sense of there's always something more.

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There's an email that we need to address.

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There's a school event we need to plan for.

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There's always something more.

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Because in an ideal world, we're meant to be in a group where it is a shared load.

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The patriarchal masculine, unhealthy masculine way is to think

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that we do this as individuals.

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Individualisation is the very definition of how we live and the patriarchal

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way that our society has been set up.

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It is the sense of me against it, me against them, me on my own.

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Climbing the mountain, ticking the boxes, getting it done.

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But the feminine way, is that it will never be done because it's seasonal.

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The feminine way is there are times and places for everything.

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There's a time of the day, a time of the month, a time of the year.

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It is seasonal.

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It's never done.

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Where did we get this idea that it needed to all be completed?

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Where did we get this idea that there is something more is heavy?

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Where do we get the idea from?

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Again, the way we've been trained and taught.

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That rest is for when it is all completed.

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That success is holding it on your own and proving to the world you can.

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And so, there are two things I want to share with you today, Mama.

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Around this idea of there's always something more.

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One is this idea that there is a time in our lives where

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there won't be anything more.

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That is not going to happen.

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In fact, we don't want it to happen because it means we're not living anymore.

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It means that our children are growing.

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It means that there isn't something happening.

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Of course, there's always more, there's another meal to make.

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There's another bed to make.

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There's another event to plan for.

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That is the season and beautiful cycle of life.

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So instead of us waiting for these things to be done.

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To be completed, before we allow ourselves any celebration or rest or repreive.

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We have to build this in to our lives, even though there is so much more,

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even though there is one more thing I have to deal with today, and I didn't

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think I could deal with anything else.

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That's okay.

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Because waiting for that to slow down is not the way to get through.

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We need to find a way to rest in the messiness.

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Rest in the busy-ness.

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Allow ourselves as moments of celebration, taking those moments

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to just breathe before we step into the kitchen and start the next meal.

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I know for me over the last two years of the pandemic being at home and how many

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snacks and meals and how much schoolwork.

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And how much entertainment and how much there was that real sense of - oh

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my gosh, there is always something else to do, there is more, here

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we are, again, was debilitating.

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And for a very long time, it felt like we were all holding our breath for

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the pandemic to give us some space for us to be able to catch our breath.

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In many parts of the world, starting to come out of that remote

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learning isolation, lockdown, and there's still so much more.

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We can't wait for this to pass.

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We must start resting, thriving right now.

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We also can't think that this is an individual thing anymore.

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We have to start getting more support.

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I know that this is not always possible - financially, access, everything.

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But how can we as a community begin to feel less isolated and individual in this?

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If you do have the privilege of having support, community, people helping

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you, how can you then also help others?

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We have to do this together.

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We have to find a way to be able to bring us all together in a

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village, in a community and help.

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Maybe that means if you're going to the park checking to see if your

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neighbor's kid wants to come too.

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Maybe that means if you're making a big meal, you just think about

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who could have some of this.

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There really has to be a change in the way we support each other.

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If we can, if we have the capacity to give a little back, can we?

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Because that is a revolutionary act in a culture that says close

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the door, do it on your own.

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Everyone in their individual homes, struggling on their own.

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There is always something more.

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Finally, I really wanted to share with you something I've been

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using this year that has really begun to make a huge difference.

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I always like to try these things out for myself for a while first,

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see what comes up, see how it feels, and then share it with you.

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I used to try and silence that inner mean Mama, as quickly as I could.

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If I noticed her inside my head, oh, why does this always happen?

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Why is this so hard?

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Why is this up to me?

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I can't do this today!

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I try and shut it down.

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Once I became aware of that noise in my head, after many years of not hearing

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it, when I first then noticed it.

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I'd just want to shut it down.

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That is a form of self silencing.

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It's a form of not allowing the frustration that I am feeling at the

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isolation, at the way that the world has set this up for mothers and women,

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it doesn't allow it to be expressed.

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And as I've learned too many times that it might not be expressed in that moment, but

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it will be expressed one day, usually in a way that is not healthy or productive.

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So, what I have learned now is that I let those words move through me.

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I breathe, I acknowledged them.

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I feel them in my throat.

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I feel them in my clenched hands and my clenched jaw.

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This is too much for one person.

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Why does it always feel like there's something more I have to deal with?

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I don't judge it more.

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That voice, that anger, that frustration, the resentment is trying to tell me

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something you're not in balance Amy.

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How can you get more support?

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What can you let go?

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What needs to change?

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So now I let it move through and then I use that beautiful sentence

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- there's always something more.

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And instead I have turned that sentence into a positive because at the end

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of the inner rant, there is something I can focus on that is positive.

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There's something more I can add.

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Can't do this today, this is too hard, why is it always like this?

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And yet, god I'm grateful for these kids.

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Ah, this house is such a mess.

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I am so sick of having to clean this day in day out, day

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in, day out, day in, day out.

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Why is it like this?

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Why can't they clean it themselves?

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They're older now.

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Take a breath.

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And yet everything in this home reminds me of how much we live and laugh and play.

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Someone wakes me up overnight.

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As they have been for 14 years and that voice kicks in.

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Oh my God.

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I haven't had a night's sleep for 14 years.

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I can't believe this.

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I'm so tired.

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I have to get up at five tomorrow morning because I've got that call in the morning.

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Why is it always like this?

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It shouldn't be like this.

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Why is it always me?

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I let it go all the way through almost as if I've run out of

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breath with the inner rant.

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And at the end I take a breath and I say,

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And one day, there will be no one else in this home looking for

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me in the middle of the night.

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And so divine Mama, I hope these reflections have provided you a little

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reframe today, whether it is the isolation and the individualisation of

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motherhood that you're struggling with.

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This real sense of why is it always me?

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Why is this so, on my shoulders?

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Please remember, it's not meant to be like this.

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Secondly, if you feel like it will never end, there's always more

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and you're waiting until it calms down, someone finally sleeps.

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It starts to feel better to prioritise yourself.

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Please remember, there will always be something more.

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This is the beauty of life.

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Yes, there is more.

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Yes, there is more.

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That I can prioritise myself today.

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And finally, if you hear that inner voice, that is lamenting, yet

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another thing you need to deal with.

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Let that voice be heard within, allow it to be spoken.

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She has something to say.

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And then when she is finished, take a breath and remind yourself there's

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something more to focus on here.

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And what is it?

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I hope this has landed just where it needs to today.

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Thank you for being a part of this conversation, Mama.

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We change the way mothers are valued and seen in our society and our world

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by bringing these conversations to light and spreading the whispers of matresence.

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And so I ask you to be a part of this movement now.

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Speak to others around you about matresence.

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About your experience of motherhood.

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Let's bring it to light together.

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To find out more about my matresence.

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Go to amytaylorkabbaz.com forward slashmatresence.

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And receive your free ebook the matresence map.

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So you can understand it even deeper.

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Thank you for being a part of this.

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Until next week.

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