We're betting on everything — I pick up the phone and Bama announces she and her girls launched a full-on "trailer draft," basically DraftKings with more warrants, where they wager on the dumbest stuff from their lives. She’s got a big bingo bet (will an old lady win or need oxygen first — instant replay, apparently), a wager on whether a conjugal visit will turn into a “destination wedding” at a county lockup, and a favorite: who’ll knock on her door next — lover, process server, or both (yes, both). Bama brags she’s up $47.17, a carton of Newports, and partial custody of a jet ski (weekends and every other holiday — priorities). She even claims insider info about whether the courthouse has a lost-and-found just for vape pens and is already placing bets. I try to keep up and stay out of the legal trouble, but y’all, it’s chaos and I’m loving it — tune in for the full messy, hilarious unravel.
Takeaways:
I admit we started a 'trailer draft' betting pool and it's as chaotic as advertised.
We bet on bingo outcomes like whether Grandma gets lucky or needs oxygen, and yes, replay footage was involved.
I joked a conjugal visit might turn into a 'destination wedding'—three counties over counts as exotic in our world.
We seriously debated if the next knock on my door is a lover, a subpoena server, or both, because why not?
My current winnings: forty-seven dollars and seventeen cents, a carton of Newports, and partial custody of a jet ski.
Transcripts
Speaker A:
Good morning.
Speaker A:
It's Haystack.
Speaker A:
It's pretty much my favorite time of the week when we get to chat with my dear old friend Bama down in rural Alabama.
Speaker A:
And Bama joins us on the phone now.
Speaker A:
And Bama, I wanted to ask you, have you noticed about how people are betting on just about everything these days?
Speaker A:
They're betting on sports, of course, but they're betting on elections and what celebrities are gonna do next and all kinds of stuff.
Speaker B:
Oh, yeah, Haystack.
Speaker B:
I've seen that.
Speaker B:
Everybody and their dog is a betting on all kinds of crap on them.
Speaker B:
They're betting apps.
Speaker B:
So me and my girls, we done decided that we're gonna start betting on stuff from our lives.
Speaker A:
Oh, no, no, ma'.
Speaker A:
Am.
Speaker A:
I'm almost afraid to ask what you're wagering on.
Speaker B:
Oh, we got a whole list.
Speaker B:
We call it trailer draft.
Speaker A:
Wait a minute.
Speaker A:
Trailer draft?
Speaker B:
You know, like a DraftKings, but with more warrants.
Speaker A:
Okay, give me an example.
Speaker B:
All right, here's our big bet this week.
Speaker B:
What will happen first at bingo?
Speaker B:
Will some old lady get lucky or will some old lady get oxygen?
Speaker A:
No, mama, that' terrible.
Speaker B:
It's a toss up, Haystack.
Speaker B:
Last Thursday, Ms. Darlene won $200 and she had to be carried out by the paramedics.
Speaker B:
We had to review the security footage to see which one happened first.
Speaker A:
Bama, you're reviewing instant replay at bingo?
Speaker B:
Well, yeah, honey.
Speaker B:
There's money on the line.
Speaker A:
Fair enough, I guess.
Speaker A:
What?
Speaker A:
What else are you betting on?
Speaker B:
Oh, now, here's a good one.
Speaker B:
Will my next conjugal visit turn into a destination wedding?
Speaker A:
Wait a minute.
Speaker A:
A destination wedding at a prison?
Speaker B:
Well, yeah, it's three counties over.
Speaker B:
That counts as a destination when your license is suspended.
Speaker A:
Okay, I suppose that's one way to look at it.
Speaker B:
And here's the one everybody's been a putting money on.
Speaker B:
Will the next guy that knocks on my door be a lover, a subpoena server, or both?
Speaker A:
What do you mean both?
Speaker B:
Yeah, both.
Speaker B:
The last time the process server showed up, we ended up having dinner at the Appleby's.
Speaker B:
You know, romance can sneak up on you anywhere, Haystack.
Speaker A:
Okay, fair enough.
Speaker A:
Apparently so can a court.
Speaker B:
Well, yeah, we got bets on that, too.
Speaker A:
So how is your betting record going so far, Bama?
Speaker B:
You know, I'm up $47.17 and a carton of Newports and partial custody of a jet ski.
Speaker A:
Wait a minute.
Speaker A:
How do you.
Speaker A:
How do you win partial custody of a jet ski?
Speaker B:
Weekends and every other holiday, sugar.
Speaker A:
All right, you know what?
Speaker A:
I wish you luck with your little betting operation.
Speaker B:
Okay, sugar, I gotta go.
Speaker B:
I'm on one of them there betting apps right now, and there's a bet about whether or not the courthouse has a Austin found basket just for vape pens.
Speaker A:
Okay, and what'd you find out?
Speaker B:
Oh, I got inside information on this one.
Speaker B:
That's right.
Speaker B:
You got to know how the outcome is before you place a bet.
